Lunch on the back porch

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We had lunch on the back porch, the three of us, sitting in the afternoon sun. Peanut butter & jelly sandwiches never tasted so good. It was a bit breezy side, welcome to spring in Flagstaff. There was a definite chill in the air, especially when one’s porch is as shaded as ours is.

What is a touch on the side of uncomfortably cold in spring will undoubtedly become that ever-sought-after comfortably cool come the dog days of summer. A worthy trade, I think. That said, we dragged our chairs out into the grass as the shadows chased us off the porch looking for those last rays of sunshine not wanting the afternoon to end.

Link dump:
[Utah Tour de Donut]
[Clusterfuck Nation]
[The New American Motto]
[For Parents Everywhere]
[Pave the Peaks]

When you’re as fat & out of shape as I am, and I am nothing if not both, a two hour ride is a rather large commitment. And I am nothing if not committed. Well, sorta. I did manage to ride for two hours on both Saturday and Sunday last weekend. Add a pregnant wife and a two year old running around – my time is at an all time premium. It’s an old tired cliché (much like myself) to say I don’t know where the time goes.

I also managed to eat a good deal of BBQ and drink several beers. At best the riding offset the food/beer orgy. At worst – my form only degraded after that sorrowful episode and I was in better shape before the weekend even began.

Whatever. This weekend I will do my best to dig the hole even deeper. Today is my birthday; I am now thirty eight. And that’s as good a reason as any to raise the BBQ and Beer Bar a little higher.

I told my wife this morning, “Honey, we’re getting old.”

She turned to me and said, “No. You’re old. I’m still in my early thirties.”

God, I love her.

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About big jonny

The man, the legend. The guy who started it all back in the Year of Our Lord Beer, 2000, with a couple of pages worth of idiotic ranting hardcoded on some random porn site that would host anything you uploaded, a book called HTML for Dummies (which was completely appropriate), a bad attitude (which hasn’t much changed), and a Dell desktop running Win95 with 64 mgs of ram and a six gig hard drive. Those were the days. Then he went to law school. Go figure. Flagstaff, Arizona, USA

39 Replies to “Lunch on the back porch”

  1. Happy B-Day Juanny. Congrats on expecting a new milk-drunk cyclist. I think I have my wife on board for an arranged marriage for my son to your daughter. Start saving for they dowry, a sixer of PBR ain’t gonna do it.

  2. Happy birthday man. Gravity will not just be your enemy on the bike anymore. It sneaks up on ya like a knee in the handlebar from the innocent looking guy in the break.

  3. Happy Birthay Juan Grande!!!

    with many more to come…

    you are never to old to have a happy childhood…

    Good luck with #2 child…

  4. …fat, outa shape, slow on the bike…that’s all stuff ya can DO something about…

    …start in on that “old” shit at yer age & 20 years down the line you’ll be wishin’ ya never started…i got 59 coming up in two weeks & i’ll be damned if i know how i got that “far” in life, but “old” is for people much “farther on” in life than me…staying on the bike, whether ya slow down or not, makes a difference in yer attitude…

    …but happy birthday, juan grande & congratulations to the two of you for the ‘bun in the oven’…now enjoy yourself, you experienced & well seasoned young fuck…

  5. happy burf-day man. I will drink a beer in your honor. Anyone else have a burfday, I am having a crappie day at work.

  6. oh yeah, fuck me. Diane Sawyer needs to be shoved down a flight of metal stairs. You know, the ones that look like cheese graters with the sharp pointy shit for your shoes to grip. The military kind.

    damn I hate her.

  7. Serious congratulations on baby number two. Wish I could get out that way to see you and the missus. . . maybe this summer if shit goes right. Don’t worry about getting old cause I’d say you were there in spirit about 10 years ago. Cheers from Hamburg.

  8. Happy B-Day, Big guy.

    Life is good,
    Life is grand,
    as long as you can still celebrate
    with beer in hand.

  9. Happy bithday ya fat fuck!!

    At least now your old enough to do a chick 1/2 your age and not get arrested. Beat down by the wife maybe, but no time.

  10. Happy B-Day Man, enjoy life! wait until you get them on bikes
    you will fell young again.. hehe

  11. A big amen to bikesgonewild. Well, most of it. I’m now in my mid-40’s, and am not nearly so fat and out of shape as I was “when I was your age”, but damned if I’m not still slow on the bike. The cool thing is, now I can blame it on my age! At least around young riders. The old, fast guys won’t buy it.

    Happy birthday!

  12. Happy B-Day Juan Grande, you ain’t old. It’s just the aches and pains from the wreck talking. Wait another 10 years when you’re pushing 50 like I am and see how you feel >snork<


  13. Big Man,

    Happy birthday, and slainte to the ever-expanding family and waistline. Herself and I marked another lap around the sun in March (I’m 54, she’s 47), but I still outweigh her by … um … well, enough about me.

    And remember, it could always be worse. I shaved my legs the other day and they disappeared. Seems all that hair was the only thing keeping my nuts out of the dirt.

    Yrs., etc.,

    Dirty Dingus McDawg

  14. …at half this age i used to be fast…

    …now, friends assure me i’m half-assed…

  15. I’d take an old 38 over a young 52 seven days a week. Glad to hear that someone with his head on straight is bringing another person into the world.

  16. I realize I’m an east coast outsider here, but could one of the Flagstaffians explain “pave the peaks”? I thought it was a joke until I read all the way through the sight.

  17. Happy Birthday!

    While watching the Mets-Phillies games at the bar last night, I got roped into staring at the glowing box until the final inning. Believing in the fightin’ Phils I was chatting up the bartender and another spectator telling them my love for all things of Philly. Sure as fuck, the Phils lost. I just groaned as only a Philadelphia sports fan can. The NY bartender laughed and said it’s been ages since he’s seen a disgruntled face like that.

    He’s never heard of the 700 level of Veteran’s Stadium…

    Philly Phorever

  18. …could be, seattle m&m & i’m always good for a bad pun…when i’m not taking myself too seriously…

    …& as the years pile up & as we incrementally but inevitably slow, it’s damned important to have developed that nonchalant “i’m going just the pace i need to” look, on the bike…smooth, strong & relaxed over your wheels, fools ’em every time…

    …i may not be as fast as i used to be, but i look fast, dammit !!!

  19. Hasn’t anyone noticed that bikes are pretty much the main thing middle aged white guys do?

    Uh..also I just moved from Texas to Santa Clara. Is it in Mountain Time..or where exactly is the line where people forget what the fuck good bbq tastes like.
    No shortage of BBQ joints here…it’s just that they all suck. Each and every one is pathetic, putrid and just plain evil.
    Good natal day, old man.

  20. Happy day after born-hole day Big Jonny!

    I think the division is at about the New Mexico state line… You can sometimes find a restaurant which has one or two good BBQ dishes, but good BBQ joints are hard to come by in CA. It’s not Texas BBQ, but try Tommy’s Joint on Van Ness in SF. With as big as food is to CA, it amazes me that they still think BBQ is the Weber grill… There might be some places there by now, but you’ll have to search. Better yet make it yourself and spread the word. I’m a native to CA, but I’ve lived in TX for the past 10 years. Now I miss Teleme cheese and Anderson Valley Brewing Company beer…

  21. Pave the peaks to save the peaks? Why not just build a paved road from the South Rim to Phantom Ranch? The elderly and handicapped should be able to see it too, right?
    They built a paved road up the south side of Mt. Lemmon in the early fifties, and it shit sure did nothing to fucking save it. The place gets loved and littered and shit and pissed on to death. When a person’s too old or stove up to get up the mountain the hard way, they need to quit going. That’s not an elitist attitude. These mother fuckers trying to sell their shitty road by guilt tripping everyone into thinking that it’s all about equal opportunity access for the disabled, fire prevention, and better parking. They’d sell their birthright for a mess of pottage. Fuck these guys up their stupid asses with a lead dick. Sorry for the rant.

  22. …dentext…actually, middle aged white guys probably play more golf than cycle…you can drink more while you play that game…

    …but to try & answer your real question::: santa clara, i got nothing cuz i’m north bay but…best idea…talk to local people in the neighborhoods for that ‘hole in the wall’ place that’s gotta be there…this ain’t texas, so it ain’t gonna be some big ol’ barn of a place & yer prob’ly gonna find southern bbq, but look around, ask questions…
    …think cinderblock, low rent & great flavors…
    …years ago, we usta have a place or three like that, in some sketchy east bay neighborhoods, but nowadays, that just might cost ya more than the price of bbq…i’m concerned about my internal & external health…
    …good luck…

  23. Rusty,
    I’m pretty sure that the Pave the Peaks thing is a joke… Notice the picture of the people “enjoying pavement” on the About page…


  24. El Jefe-Oops! Knee jerk reaction. It was kinda’ late when I read this. The sad thing is that there are plenty of folks who support that kind of thing-enough to make a “pave the peaks” campaign seem entirely plausible.

  25. I think it IS the standard thought, just not put so bluntly. If I can’t get to the top of the mountain without breaking a sweat, then there’s something wrong with the mountain, not me. It’s just an extension of the people who want to remove any trail obstacle which they can’t ride. If it’s beyond their skill level then it must be beyond everyone’s. They don’t understand that there is no shame in hitting the tab button, and sometimes it takes a bit of work to get to the top of the mountain.

  26. yes, jonny. happy birthday indeed! it had slipped my mind (aka, i forgot) that you share a birthday with someone super special in my life – carly!!! i certainly share your appreciation of the cycle of life this spring. there’s something about it that really makes me reflect, as well as pause and appreciate the simple things in my life that bring me happiness. it also makes me want to get sauced to fuck and rad out. nice post.

  27. Big Jonny-
    A belated happy birthday to you from a regular reader.

    bikesgonewild- Regarding the aging vs. fitness conundrum, Tim Krabbe says it best in The Rider: “All that was left of his talent was his graceful style.”

  28. Old…WTF Dude! Just turned 50 on the 14th. Feel great, been celebrating all week. It’s only a state of mind. Happy Birthday! I’ve just cracked open a Fat Tire Ale in your honor.

  29. …bobke strut…that is a well turned phrase…

    …& perhaps of greater comfort to the rider, as the years go by…