Oh for Two

by

After a relaxing post-Interbike day in the Flagstaff offices of Drunkcyclist, it would figure that I’d get bumped from my early AM flight back east. “Overweight” was the charge – too many checked bags from the rest of the passengers bringing home dreamcatchers and kachina dolls. As I type my seat is empty on my flight home as I await the next…

For my troubles of buying a ticket in advance and showing up on time I was issued a roundtrip voucher. Yeah, sure, if you can find a US Airways flight for $200 or less to anywhere you’d actually like to travel. Fuck ’em all.

I had best not get bumped form the next one, or some poor airline employee may be needing the Reskin.

Yeah, the Reskin. A cousin to the famed Fart Right Anal Strip.

Rub your taint raw on an ill-fitting saddle? Following the fit advice of FixedGearGallery submissions with the nose of the saddle pointed at your front hub? You don’t need a fit adjustment, you don’t need a saddle that fits. Hell, you don’t even need cycling shorts. Just apply the Reskin and pedal on.

How do you apply the Reskin? How kind of you to ask! Simple you see.

First, you remove the backing form the Reskin. Then, you push your balls to the side and put this sticker on your taint. Then, you ride off into the sunset reskinned.

Don’t worry ladies, just cut off the dick holder and you’re in business as well. Reskin is not sexist.

And the best part? Once you’re off the bike feel free to wash and reuse the Reskin patch, and reapply the old backing paper for next time. Brilliant! Like washing a fucking bandage and putting it back in the box.

by