Eating miles like my name was pacman

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I got out on my bitch’n hot pink road bike for a bit yesterday. The plan was one hour. Snake instructed me to get out for at least an hour each day this week. Fuck you Snake! So far, so good on Monday and Tuesday. Still plenty of says in the week to fuck it all up. Point to Jonny.

I aimed The HotPinkNess out Lake Mary Road not expecting much of anything special. Just the passing cars and me. Second and last traffic light on my way out of town, I see none other than my man Lovedawg in the RideCleanMobile.

Dude rolled up on me like I owed him something.

Ride Clean

He told me to come by, he was meeting a few folks for an “easy” ride. Yeah, easy is a relative term. My easy ain’t your easy. For sheezy.

Riding past where I got smacked the fuck up a year back (yes, I cringe every time) and a driveside spoke broke on my rear wheel. Lame. I put up my right arm and pulled it over to the gravel. No team car came to my assistance. They must be up the road with the break.

I was going to roll home and get out my mountain bike till JR offered up a replacement from his place. We turned it around, and hobbled back to JR’s pad. It was two miles tops. And talk about back yard boogie, I had a wicked switch in my step. Boom babba boom babba boom. You’d think a 32 spoke wheel would be in better shape with 31 able bodied soldiers still in line, but not this time. I have to completely undo the break (think 5mm allen) and the tire till barely cleared the stays.

I’d complain more but I bought that wheel from Nik the Dick (holla!) for all of $10 bucks. The rim was dented to shit, so I laced it to some random old rim I had hanging in the garage.

It was a piece of shit to start with. And it’s still a piece of shit. And at ten bucks I’m way ahead of the game. I might as well just throw it on my roof and be down with it.

The ride ended up being more like two and a half hours. So I guess I’m ahead of the game. Another point to Jonny.

Some asked me what I’m doing lately: I’m between jobs at the moment. Yo, “between” beats “in”. Every time like Colt 45.

I kinda like the between parts more than the actual job parts. Go figure.

The years haven’t been kind. Or is it the mileage?

From: A
Subject: Jenna looks horrible

Jenna looks horrible might be the understatement of the year. I remember when she was the hot diggity. Way back, like 5 years ago. God damn I’m old or some shit. She looks like a goddamn crypt keeper.

From: M
Subject: more trainwreck
what a disaster
call the blue tarp people to cover this one up

What are those horseshoe shaped marks on her back? Someone been burning her with a lighter in between roasting bowls of Tai, or whatever you need to blaze up to deal with that Duck Faced Nightmare?

One more and I’m out. Gotta to turn some squares and get ready to beat Z-Boy the fuck down.

This kid is on:

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About big jonny

The man, the legend. The guy who started it all back in the Year of Our Lord Beer, 2000, with a couple of pages worth of idiotic ranting hardcoded on some random porn site that would host anything you uploaded, a book called HTML for Dummies (which was completely appropriate), a bad attitude (which hasn’t much changed), and a Dell desktop running Win95 with 64 mgs of ram and a six gig hard drive. Those were the days. Then he went to law school. Go figure. Flagstaff, Arizona, USA

6 Replies to “Eating miles like my name was pacman”

  1. …big jon…yain’t been writin’…s’worried them serial killa sons a bitches wuz climbin’ up on yer nuts again.

    …gladjer ridin’ mo better…stay on it.

    …jenna ?…jeez, how the mighty have fallen.

  2. Well, hot diggity dogs, zar fellars, goll darn, but ya all sure have got a stu-range way a talkin. Damnation. Izzat from wearin ’em tight lil girly pants n ridin ’em furrin bikes. Ebabody knows real bikes come wif ’em big tares n comfable seats n all.