I’m two for two

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Sunday I decided it was time to ride. Lovedog had asked me join him on an “easy” ride. I should have known he’d bend me over a barrel and give me the business. But I’m a dumb ass.

I met him ’round about 9:00am. And only then did I find out we were also riding with JR and Mark, two of Flagstaff’s more serious riders. I was so going to die. I’m not serious at all. Not even a little bit. Easy ride? Do you people realize I haven’t been “riding” for the last ten months? You don’t know what “fat & outta shape” looks like. I don’t even think you guys can spell “fat”.

I once asked a friend of mine, a novelist, why so many writers have drinking problems. “A better question is why so many drinkers have writing problems,” he replied.
Paul F. Campos.

Since my Litespeed got beat the fuck up back in August by that god damn drunk driving son of a bitch (can you tell I’m pissed?), I brought out the Ciocc.


Lugged steel. Eight speed Campy. Brand new white bar tape. New white Rolls saddle (thanks richard sachs).

And mountain bike pedals.

Why? Because I haven’t bothered to put cleats on my new-to-me (thanks kerry) road shoes and the cops still have my old Shimano ones in “evidence” where they’ve been for the last ten months with my beat up Litespeed (can you tell I’m pissed?). So, mountain bike shoes it is.

At least they’re comfortable. Shit, everything about that bike is comforable. She’s like a great big lounge chair on wheels.

Truth be told, the ride was quite civil and well within my level of tolerance. We just rolled out east towards Sunset Crater. I make it half way up the hill to the turn off and flip a bitch with Lovedog. Nice guy that he is chatted with me all the way back into a headwind. We somehow ended going up and over Cedar Hill on the way back (yeah, that’s the most direct route?) and that kinda sucked it. Lovedog even pushed me. But only once.

Everything was cool. I felt pretty ok. Sure, all the contact points were hurtin’, my feet, my hands, my ass. But I was pedaling out in the sunshine. Life was grand.

And, as we rolled down Beaver Street, a woman made a right turn right in front of me (no turn signal) and I hit her car. Yep. First road ride since I got popped and I get hit again.

God fucking damn it.

Before I scare ya’ll too much, I’m fine. I managed (somehow) to keep the bike upright and didn’t hurt a thing. Neither the bike nor me were injured in that stunt. In fact, I took that photo of the Ciocc today. All she suffered was a front wheel that was slightly out of true. I didn’t even have to undo the brakes afterwards; it was a very slight bend.

Back to the accident – I have no idea how Lovedog avoided it. One minute we’re riding along in the bike lane talking ’bout bullshit, and the next I’m turning hard right with my inside foot clipped out, rear wheel locked up, leaning way into it. I took it like a bump turn on a motorcycle, where you’ll never make the line unless you hit the rider on the outside who has the better line. You gotta come way up under someone real hard to pull it off.

And I pulled it off.

My hands never came off the bars, even though I hit her car hard enough to dent it and bend my wheel. I came up from sideways to completely upright and rode the side of her car around the corner like a hockey player. It happened so fast I didn’t even time to think about it. I just did it.

She stopped immediately, right in the middle of the road, and was extremely apologetic and concerned. I told her I was fine, thanks for stopping, and that I had dented her car. She replied, “People are more important than cars.”

And that was all right with me.

Link dump:

[check it] theperfectworld.us
[an old story] outside.away.com
[the good doctor] bicycling.com
[327] 327words.blogspot.com
[talyor house] absolutebikes.net

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About big jonny

The man, the legend. The guy who started it all back in the Year of Our Lord Beer, 2000, with a couple of pages worth of idiotic ranting hardcoded on some random porn site that would host anything you uploaded, a book called HTML for Dummies (which was completely appropriate), a bad attitude (which hasn’t much changed), and a Dell desktop running Win95 with 64 mgs of ram and a six gig hard drive. Those were the days. Then he went to law school. Go figure. Flagstaff, Arizona, USA

6 Replies to “I’m two for two”

  1. Guess I have to Find you a tank with bike wheels to roll around in….I would have been nice to see if the Ciocc would fit in the cunts ass…..Cars are people killers, And People love thier cars….So People love to kill…..Off to Scotland on Friday…Later, and stay on the dirt big guy……

  2. The dreaded right-hook got you. Question: Did she happen to pull up next to you and slow just ahead of you prior to making the turn? I hate it when drivers do that because it puts you right in the blind spot, just like all those semi-truck trailer mud flaps say. Good to hear you made it out on the good side, though.

  3. Jonny,
    June 6th 1996 I got hit by a car making a left in front of me traveling from the opposite direction. I hit the hood of her car, broken clavicle, scapula and ribs. Off the bike for 6 weeks. First ride back, some 80 year old lady made a right in front of me and I rode the side of her car around the corner. No injuries, bike unhurt, but you gave me a hell of a flashback. Glad you’re back out there again. I still flinch when someone is making a left in front of me.

  4. shitty you got hit again man! I hope that you don’t make a trend of this crap. Even though there is no porn, we still need the DC site.
    Two positives out of that was you were riding and that lady didn’t take the same outlook as other motorists “why the fuck were you in the street and couldn’t you stop in time so you don’t hit my fucking car with your stupid bike, asshole.” Now if she would just learn to use those tricky turn signals.

  5. Great story, Big J. I’m glad that came out alright. Beautiful Ride too, buddy. Back in High School when I got my senior photo taken with my Bianchi, I used to dream of a Ciocc. In fact, while other kids were scrawling shit like “fuck the duke” (our principal), and “Blind Melon” on their folders, I was filling up the cover of my notebook with shit like “Bugno Rules”, and trying to replicate the logos of Ciocc, Mercckxkckcxc, Team Motorola and EPS, etc. Your ride is a former dream of mine. Nowadays I just spell “Fuck Yeah” with drool on the carpet when I stumble in the door.

    Way to survive, Rubbin’s Racin’.

  6. It is always good to stay alive, even with all those cars trying to bring an end to people who enjoy fresh air and excercise on two wheels. It is even better when someone makes an honest mistake and admits their mistake, and is willing to be a better person. I had a car come up to a stop sign, come to a complete stop, look me right in the eye, and pull right out into me. As i made my SUDDEN unplanned right turn to save my life, I still rode into the side of the car. When they got out of the car the looked up and realized that my road did not have a stop sign. They applogized, offered me a ride home and even called the next day to see how I was feeling. The kicker was they even sent a gift certificate for a massage. We both learned a lot.