Three kinds of roadies.

I can’t claim this, it came to me via email. No matter. It’s still funny.

There are only three kinds of roadies.

Sprinters, climbers or time trialists? No. Devotees of Shimano, Campy or SRAM? Uh-uh. Racers, fitness riders or people who’ve had their driver’s license suspended? Nope.

If you’ve done enough group rides, you know the three types are selfless, stupid and sneaky.

Which one are you? Take this handy quiz:

A. When it’s time to take a pull, I…
—take a pull.
—am already in the middle of my 4-mile pull because I am so strong.
—suddenly need to talk to my friend at the back of the pack.

B. When a gap opens, I…
—quickly but smoothly close it.
—am the one who caused it.
—tell some big guy he’s the only one man enough to tow us up to the leaders.

C. If somebody gets a flat, I…
—get everyone to stop, give him my spare and lend him my pump.
—yell at anyone who asks why I didn’t point out the 4 broken bottles.
—attack.

D. When asked how much I’ve been riding, I…
—say how much I’ve been riding.
—launch into a 45-minute story about my cycling exploits.
—say this is my first ride in five months, and did I mention my anemia and heartbreak of psoriasis?

E. If someone gets dropped, I…
—drift back and pull him up to the group.
—realize he’s not worthy to ride with real cyclists.
—snicker.

F. At the town-line sprint, I…
—sprint for the town-line sign.
—sprint for the town-line sign, going diagonally from centerline to gutter.
—wait, because I went out last night and moved the town-line sign 500 meters down the road.