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Space shuttle Atlantis blasted off today for the first shuttle mission of 2007. There is no truth to the rumor that Paris Hilton, Alberto Gonzales, Ivan Basso, George W. Bush, Vladimir Putin, everyone who ever appeared on “Survivor,” “Dancing With the Stars” or “American Idol,” the editorial board of The Washington Post, Ann Coulter, Michael Moore, Rush Limbaugh, Bill Maher, James Dobson and all those goddamn penguins that have taken over the national movie houses were aboard, scheduled to be stuffed into an uprooted Alabama septic tank and placed in permanent orbit around the moon. More’s the pity.
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