Drunkcyclist.com

What to get the girl who has everything? Get her a chopstick push-up bra.

Nothing says ‘I love you’ like a rice bowl and set of your own chopsticks. Or maybe it just says ‘I’m hungry’. I’m not too sure.

…then kill yourselves.
I recently came across a deal that was too good to be true. The On-One Superlight Carbon 29′er fork was on sale. I had been considering this fork for a while, but the exchange rate from Pounds Sterling to U.S. Dollars is something like waking up next to the fat ugly wingman of [...]

Ya’ll knew it was coming.
This in from our man Snake.
**** **** **** ****
Leadville 2007
Race Report for all those who want the skinny on what really fucking happened out there for 103 miles. Yes it’s a 103 not a 100. But 103 just doesn’t seem to have the same ring to it [...]

Howdy all, just thought that I would write in a race report seeing how its been a couple of years since I have done one. People used to say that they were cool to read someones tales from the gutter so here we go.
So Hamfist, Hightower, Dafidile, and yours truely Snake [...]

Tester: big jonny
Date: January 23, 2002
The mailman brought lucky me present today. I came back from running errands to find a cardboard box on my front porch. I wonder what’s in there?
New shoes from Intense. And a shirt? Man, these guys are too much. These things are pimp. Lemme slide ‘em on. Oh yeah, baby, [...]

Tester: Pepe Nera
Date: January 13, 2002
When Jon told me about the Hello Kitty vibrator, I had mixed emotions. Although I’ve always had a sort of sick attachment to my vibrator, I’ve also always had a soft spot for anything Hello Kitty. But somehow, I felt both elation and disgust. I mean, how often does a [...]

Tester: Pepe Nera
Date: January 5, 2002
This being my first product review turned out to be an easy one. It all started when the guys from Timbuk2 traded a messenger bag for a drunk cyclist T-shirt when Jon was in Vegas. He came home with the small black messenger bag. I tried to finagle my way [...]

Tester: big jonny
Date: October 31, 2001
The Ammo. This is replacing a Hydrapack I got last year at the 24 Hours in the Old Pueblo race. Door prize or something. Hey, look at the slow, fat kid. Give ‘em something for coming out and embarrassing this weekend.
Anyway, the old one is a trimmed down, no frills [...]

Tester: big jonny
Date: October 31, 2001
It’s fucking 40 degrees and raining outside, and it’s the off season, and I’m a fucking pussy. Don’t worry, any riding I do, I’ll be using this shit, er, fine product. I’m keeping a long list, my friends. And I’m checking it. Twice, even. Sometimes.
The helmet, which I’ve been wearing [...]