Drunkcyclist.com

Overheard at the bike shop:
“What’d he call me?”
“Vanilla.”
“Why’d he call me Vanilla?”
“I dunno. Some kind of put down I guess. Trying to say you’re bland or something.”
“How’d he know vanilla was my favorite flavor?”
“Vanilla is your favorite flavor?”
“Are you kidding. Vanilla might just be the greatest flavor of all time.”
And so it [...]

With all the thinly veiled drug references on the site of late, I thought it appropriate I mention that I woke up a 4:20 this morning. I rolled over, looked at the clock radio a full hour and forty minutes before it was set to go off, and said, I’ll be damned.
I listened to [...]

recently the wife and i went to austin to share in the ever so pleasant nuptials of two friends. this is us (mostly me) on the plane at 430am:

when you take the red eye you get there early. then you should start drinking. the breakfast (maybe it was a lunch) place [...]

This cow eats cash
We couldn’t figure out our phone bill.
long distance calls remained unclaimed every month.
No one would say, “That was mine.”
And just pay for it,
like a man
So one night
when we were all sitting around
arguing about how to pay the fucking phone bill,
I picked up the phone,
looked up one of the numbers that showed up [...]

You know what I’d really like?
Some time to work on some new stories. And poems. And maybe even some laundry. And that bottle of Knob Creek in my liquor cabinet that is laughing at me. K-Fed brought it when he rolled through in February.
Fucking February.
I am in serous danger of loosing [...]

A quandary
I was standing in front of the towel machine, the type that only allows so much of the magic fabric to advance before it clicks together a suction cup stopper. Then you have to wait a few minutes for it to pop, and only then can you get more of that clean pure [...]

Teacher: I see your talents have gone beyond the mere physical level. Your skills are now at the point of spiritual insight. I have several questions. What is the highest technique you hope to achieve ?
Student: To have no technique.
Teacher: Very good. What are your thoughts when facing an opponent?
Student: There is no opponent.
Teacher: And [...]

Glorious Days Abound.
Getting the potato cannon out was a really good idea. We had been drinking for a couple of hours and had like 15 extra potatoes, and besides it was still too early to go to the bar. The first few hit the fence with a huge bang, frankly I’m surprised [...]

Butter or pie
We left Portland early. By 8am, at least. On our way out to Hood River we decided that we had no idea where we were going. “The Fruit Loop” was the answer, where it started was the question. The fellow at the Mobile (just off the highway) was real [...]