Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the Pearly Gates.
“In honor of this holy season” Saint Peter said, “You must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven.”
The first man fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on. “It represents [...]

I got this from my man Bacardi Marti. His email was all in German. I asked him what is said in English. He wrote back:
“How you get men to wash their hands.”

A young couple interested in joining a new church in their community attends an orientation with two other couples. The pastor gives a short presentation on what the church is all about and then asks the couples to confirm their continued interest, which they do. He then goes on to challenge them to [...]

Two guys, one old and one young, are pushing their carts around Lowe’s Building Supply when they collide.
The old guy says to the young guy, “Sorry about that. I’m looking for my wife, and I guess I wasn’t paying attention to where I was going.
“The young guy says, “That’s OK. It’s a coincidence. I’m looking [...]

A young man named John received a parrot as a gift.
The parrot really had a bad attitude and an even worse vocabulary.
Every word out of the bird’s mouth was rude, obnoxious and laced with profanity. John tried and tried to change the bird’s attitude by consistently saying only polite words, playing soft [...]

A joke for the morning:
I rear-ended a car this morning.
So there we are alongside the road. The guy I hit slowly gets out of the car, and starts to walk over to towards me.
You know how you just get so stressed and life’s stuff seems to get a little on the funny side? [...]

HER DIARY:
Tonight I thought he was acting weird. We had made plans to meet at a bar to have a drink. I was shopping with my friends all day long, so I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but he made no comment.
Our conversation wasn’t flowing so I [...]

A cabbie picks up a Nun. She gets into the cab, and notices that the VERY handsome cab driver won’t stop staring at her. She asks him why he is staring.
He replies: “I have a question to ask you, but I don’t want to offend you”. She answers, ” My son, you cannot offend me. [...]

Remember when the Spice girls could be considered ‘hot’? Or at least ‘do-able’ ? If you could get past the annoying caterwauling and bullshit?
Yes, time is a cruel mistress.

I bet Beckham has to drink kimself to sleep every night. I know I would.
—bikepunk

What to get the girl who has everything? Get her a chopstick push-up bra.

Nothing says ‘I love you’ like a rice bowl and set of your own chopsticks. Or maybe it just says ‘I’m hungry’. I’m not too sure.

A woman was very distraught over the fact that she had not had a date or any sex for over 5 years.
She was afraid she might have something wrong with her, so she decided to seek the medical expertise of the well known Chinese sex therapist, Dr.Chang.
Upon entering the examination room, Dr. Chang said, “OK, [...]