Well, there’s a point in every dog owner’s life where the inevitable happens. Your buddy, compadre, fearless and ever-loyal companion cashes in the big check, and goes on up to the stinky junkyard in the sky. For our clumsy-yet-ever-compassionate leader of men and eater of steak, that day is today.
Loyal readers, I ask [...]

I wrote this letter to the editor of The Independent Weekly, NC’s freedom-fighting dirty laundry mag. Same shit, different city. I got pissed when they told me the best steak in the Triangle is at Outback. That was just the beginning.
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I’m packing up my bags and getting the heck out of here. [...]

A friend taught me a long time ago that one of many interesting ways to meet new people when going to new towns is to have a nice, blistery shiner. A maxillary orbital sunset, as it is. What stranger isn’t going to weep compassionately for the poor dipshit with a black eye? [...]

It has occured to me more than once recently that I have a lot of shit going on. There are a million goals for me to score, and goddam I only have one stupid ball. Yeah, great sports analogy. I hate sports. Great Lance Armstrong analogy. I have two balls. [...]