Happy Halloween.

I've been at home handing out candy tonight.  I should thank those kids, they keep me from eating it all.

Next year I'm changing it up: I'm locking the door, turning off the lights and just sitting on the floor stuffing my face. 

It's a good thing I can't get down onto the floor this year. It saves me from myself.

Tonight's links:

[endorsement] tothepeople.com/2006/10/corker-for-us-senate
[what till stoners get a hold of this] youtube.com
[freedom to fascism] video.google.com/...America+freedom+to+fascism
[sad] news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/europe/6099906.stm
[o'grady] velonews.com/news/fea/11124.0.html
[more incredible toto] nyvelocity.com/content.php?id=1117
[flight of the pigs] drunkcyclist.com/forum...
[biker down] alrs.livejournal.com/44975.html

From: Graeme Subject: History Errors. Dude, the 'Last Visitors' thingy on the site has me listed as United Kingdom. Scotland is only part of the United Kingdom due to a drunken misunderstanding (a trait more commonly associated with misinterpreting women, than major historical events) called the Act of Union, which no self respecting Scotsman would have signed hadn't he been on the turps and put the national debt behind the bar the night before. It is a problem we continue to attempt to rectify as time progresses, and as the North Sea Oil runs out, the Sassenachs don't really want us anyway, and hopefully soon, Scotland will be the land of the free thinking/drinking Scots. (Commonly represented by Hollywood by Closet-Anti-Semite Aussie Alcoholics, Frenchmen with appalling Scottish accents 'You Eet It!' Monsieur Lambert, Irishmen or any other 'Jack the lad' in need of a job. Except of course for soon-to-be-President of an Independent Scotland Sir Sean Connery.) Please rectify soonest else you get a bunch of hairy-arsed Highlanders rattling their shields, baring their arses at you, and hurling whiskey-fueled abuse, before retiring to the bar……and remembering the good old days……. Nationalistic rant over, I'm off to sup the last of my twenty-five year old Talisker (described in the whisky almanac as having an explosive quality on the palette, which is a bit of an understatement, it has all the explosive qualities of mining charges) before bed. Great site, keep up the good work, and be well soon. Best wishes from Scotland, home of the not-quite-free-yet Scots. Ever want to batter some mountains and ride some cool trails, pop over this side of the pond, but bring a waterproof and midge repellent, (although a skin-full of whisky has been scientifically proven to be a natural repellent for the biting devils……now THAT's good science……) Grumskikorsakov

These are some emails in regards to posts I did last week. A few days old, but cool shit anyway. Here's to all us hurt fucks. Tonight, I drink for you.

From: Matt Subject: I owe it to Adam. Your Thursday post hit me like a ton of bricks BigJ. Thanks. 5 years ago Adam "mojo" Britt took off on a bike ride and he never came home. That night I pulled the chain off my bike and took 9 links off of it and wrapped them around my wrist and pressed them shut with a chain tool. 5 years ago I put this bracelet on and I've only taken it off a handful of times. But you know what, after 5 years I've started to forget why I wear it. I don;t remember to say a pray for Adam every time I get on my bike. I don't remember to thank God that I have two wonderful legs to get me where I want to go. I have forgotten how blessed I am and how much Adam gave up. I am asshole... Your post today got me thinking again. I need to renew my commitment to my bike, to my health, to the gifts God gave me. I need to ride more, bitch less, and pray harder. I've never worn out a set of tired on my fixie...but that all changes starting today. We my friend are the lucky ones...we are the lucky ones. Keep your head up bro.

We are the lucky ones. And it always hits home a bit this time of year for me and a lot of the DC boys. November 6th marks the second anniversary of Kyle Bielenberg's passing.

I'm sure many pints will be raised that night.

From: Morgan Subject: Lovin it Jonny, I have sent a few emails. I know you get tons. I wrecked big time a year ago July and told you about it. Reading your web sight became therapy, and thanks for the rants. I have titanium rods in my femur, and one into my hip. Two complete breaks in the bones and leg floppin around on the ground and me screamin inside with pain. It has been a long road to recovery. My leg is still 3/4" of shorter than the other but fuck it all. I cut my shoes apart with a band saw. I get a boot maker to glue a wedge into them and I can walk. My first day in PT was trying to turn a circle on the recumbent stationary bike. I couldn't at first, then after 5 trys I made it, then they turned easier. Every day it is still one more thing I can do again. Take a shit without taking all the drugs. Getting off the drugs. Wow that was a bad weekend, man I was addicted to it all. Finding out the bone was not healing, getting a bone stim to make it heal. Finally getting on a real fucking bike 6 months later and freaking out. Why the hell couldn't I get my fucking leg over the bar to get on the bike. I got a milk crate out to stand on to get the leg over. Why the hell was my wife riding so fast, can't you wait? Man it does suck going from kickin ass to bein the hole. So it's 15 months post crash and I am really riding. I can stand and sprint, I can climb a hill again. OK leadville is way out of the equation. My left crank arm is a 165 my right a 180. Close to the same leg extension, not perfect, but then again, I never was. I went to Moab 2 weeks ago, did a 5 hour ride/hike. 11 miles out, 2.5 miles of a great hike into a canyon and then back. Rain, hail, the whole nine yards of total experience. Cold beer at camp and nice fire. Life is back and I will squeeze what I can out it. Crazy drops, big air....no chance. Sweet single track and a nice spin...any day I can. Patience Grasshopper, Patience. I love it that you are on the bike and turnin circles....squares... whatever. It is the best therapy, just turnin circles. Each day will get better, the body is an amazing thing. Just how the hell can it heal itself and recover like it does? Just patience. Another guy told you to do PT and do it hard. I agree but listen when your body says enough and rest. Get a massage you deserve it big guy. Go to PT and get on a stationary bike and get some cadence back. I used to go to PT just for 30 minutes of spin. You are making it big time and we all enjoy hearing about. Rubber side down and stay out of the traffic eh?

Word up on that.  I still have to really think about throwing my leg anywhere. Over a bike seat included.  Fucking cars man, fucking cars.

From: Lucas Subject: reading your last post I've been reading your blog for about six years now. I've commented a few times, have sticker or two, and look at the porn a few times a week (ain't gonna lie about who I am). I've been a bike messenger in Seattle and San Francisco (now live in PDX and am going to school), I've been hit (not as bad as you), had friends die, done the whole gamut I'm fucking tired of it. But it ain't gonna change. So my only thought is move, move somewhere where there is respect for bicycles, and you can go for ride's with out fear. There have been a lot of "accidents" in AZ lately (i almost went to school there, and am now very glad I didn't). It sounds like a bad state to ride in, but a good state to race in. Anyway, what I am really writing to say is. Your last post hit me. Hard. Granted I've had more than one drink tonight, but fuck it. When is it to much? How many people have to get hit? To many is the answer... Anyway I hope your recovery is quick and as painless as it can be. Thanks for posting and keeping up the good fight. You make the rest of us feel better...

I do what I can, man. I do what I can.

From: Bonnie Subject: St.Pauli Girl Hey jonny, I've sent some links to you in the past, and we've actually met at last year's old pueblo (I was the chick in the St Pauli Girl outfit that took a picture with you on sunday morning). I wasn't riding that year cause I was recovering from getting hit by a car. I've been following your trials and tribulations with recovery and know that you've gotten a metric shit-ton of e-mails, so didn't want to add to them. I also know that every experience is totally different, so your recovery will be unique. But your last post really hit home for me, personally and I wanted to share a bit of my experience with you. After getting hit I also found myself pretty fucking pissed that I couldn't ride anymore. I also happen to work with disabled children, so I can relate to the "what do I have to feel sorry for myself for?' mentality. For me the toughest part in returning to the bike was the mental/physical mismatch. Mentally I needed to be on my mountain bike as far away from a fucking car as possible, physically my body needed nice smooth paved flat simple paths. Emotionally I needed to "beat" my injury and return to my prior level of riding as soon as possible. All these mental/physical/emotional issues culminated in my return to mountain biking before I was probably fully recovered. Now, we all know that mountain biking is a tough sport, but those of us who do it regularly have a pretty high level of expectations and aren't scared away by things we've ridden before. This being said, I proceeded to fuck myself up even worse by pushing things and not taking it easy. And now I'm off the bike again for even longer. I am certainly not trying to scare you or to imply that you are gonna hurt yourself by riding too soon. I am just reaching out to another "biker down" and sharing my experience. Emotions are pretty strong after getting nailed by a car, and can sometimes over-ride common sense. And as mountain bikers, we're used to "pushing through" pain and ignoring our body's messages to stop. I know that I sent you the link for the "One shoe in the road" documentary before. Perhaps now would be a good time to look it up again. Maybe sit down a make a list of shit you can still do... I'll even get you started.....1. Look at porn, 2. Watch my baby grow up, 3. Rage against conservatives, 4. ....... Feel better!!!!

Her list ain't a bad place to start.

From: john Subject: gettin on the bike Hey, man, I know what its like having to go through al of that. A few years ago I did 65 through a windshield while I was out training. I went from a week before my first race and psyched with my prospects for the season to downing pain pills. Getting back on the bike was the hardest, most demoralizing things to do when I could. My legs had atrophied, my gut got huge, and it hurt like hell to ride. Cars started to scare the piss out of me too. Getting buzzed was jut different after a bad wreck. I got so fucking down because of it. The shit is hard. I am glad to see that you are fighting you're way back on to it. Best of luck, and keep the confidence up. For what its worth, its been some years, but I am fully back on the bike and loving riding as much as I ever have now, patience and a fight, that's all it takes. Good luck.

Losing all that fitness, muscle, all of it, all that shit you worked so hard to gain... It's hard beyond words.

That was a lot of emails to put in one post. But, the way I look at, there are plenty of hurt cyclists out there. And if one of those poor bastards reads these emails and has a good day, well, that's more than enough of a reason to post all of these.

If anyone feels like typing up stuff, feel free to use and abuse the forum. You do have to sign up, no big deal, it's pretty painless. I have to do that to keep the spam posts to a minimum. It's certainly not meant to be any kind of hurdle for members.

I'm out in the woods the other morning, and I come up on these three guys.  It's before noon, mid morning, and still a bit chilly.  It's been cold out lately.  And these guys look like they've been out all night.

In fact, they look like they've been out most nights.  Urban campers, homeless, whatever you want to call 'em.  I have unwittingly discovered their bedroom/parlor/rec room.  Nice place too, spacious, open floor plan. 360 degree views. And, talk about airy.

They're so friggin hammered at 10:30 am that they're spending as much time stumbling side to side, shuffling like something right out of Night of the Living Dead, as they are going forward.  It's like they're not getting anywhere, but yet, somehow, they are.  It was mesmerizing.

They never noticed me. But I watch them swaying back and forth for what seemed like an eternity. They were in a constant state of flux, one getting slightly ahead of the others only to drop back two or three strides later.

Two steps forward, one step back.

I smiled to myself thinking how much they really looked like zombies right out of some movie.  It is the Halloween season after all.  And these guys had the look nailed.  If they could just make it to some costume contest, they'd take the top honors.  But from the looks of things, these guys are going nowhere.

And, wouldn't you know it, the very next day as I drove out the same direction to drop my daughter off at day care, I saw two of the same guys laying in the weeds not 100 feet off the pavement.  I caught them a bit earlier, about 8:30 am, and only one of the pair was sitting up.

They were not more than 300 yards where I saw 'em the day prior.  I wonder if that was the sum total of their journey?  And where was the third Musketeer?  Did he somehow figure out how to walk all of the sudden?

Maybe the third guy can fly?

Links:

[who killed the electric car] sonyclassics.com
[too funny] fleshbot.com/sex/blogs/babe-galleries-drunk-cyclist
[tour of the evergreens] evergreenstour.com
[the forgotten wounded of iraq] truthdig.com
[good news day] dilbertblog.typepad.com

And the Eagles suck. What else is new? Between those fucking awful Chevy commercials, you know the ones I'm talking about, and the Eagles, it's a losing proposition to even turn the tv on.  Maybe I should stop giving those bastards my Sundays.

And about Chevy, what are they thinking?  Rosa Parks, Katrina, 9/11... buy a new truck? That's your angle?  I can't imagine that's gonna move units out the showroom, but what do I know anyway?  This is election time, and the uglier the better.

At least as far as television commercials go.

From: Pistol Pete Subject: Japan Whoa! Just got into Osaka and life is good. The fixie made it no issues (everyone at United Airlines gets to live) and I`m off for the first all day ride of the trip.  Man it`s gonna be GOOD! My Slany-pie is all worried I won`t be able to keep busy.  Poor thing doesn`t realize she`s the OTHER reason I came back to Japan.  I`m gonna try to wear out a pair of Interwolves while here.  Between that, drinking Japanese beer, eating raw fish and attending to a certain sweet young thing I`ll have a full plate.  Like I said,life is good.  If I`m limpin` an` glassy-eyed next time you ol` boys see me, it was a success.  Until then I`m off to find Tanuki-san, Japan`s version of Don Coyote... Uso-mitai! Pistol

Some guys know how to travel in style, eh?

Rode today for almost an hour. Wore cycling shorts and everything. First time in the chamois in months.  Glad I had it.  My ass isn't any more used to this stuff than the rest of my body is. Went out and piddled around Fort Tuthill.  Had a damn good time of it.

And when I got back I had to walk by bike up the driveway.  Some of you folks have seen that piece of shit out front that serve as our "driveway".  And most of you will agree that it is, indeed, quite steep.

I walked it after yesterday's ride and again today.  It would normally take you maybe five pedal revolutions to get up it.  But was simply five to far these last few attempts.

When I can get up that son of a bitch, I'll know I'm making progress.

Today's link offerings:

[when the president talks to god] youtube.com
[dexter benjamin] youtube.com
[oh my] huffingtonpost.com/johnny-reb-allens-swift
[oh lynn] huffingtonpost.com/wolf-blitzer-confronts-lynn
[the music blows, but it's the pirate!] youtube.com
[this is too weird] artchina.free.fr/items/littleimages/velosfulsils.jpg

Did you ever get an email from someone and wonder, should I post that?

I just did. And I am.

From: Russel Subject: BGR's Birthday on Saturday Mr. Big, As you know the 28th of October is Randy’s birthday. I managed to dig up an old skool photo of him at mom and dads last week. Feel free to use as you see fit!

There it is ladies, suitable for framing.

Happy Birthday, Big Gay Randy.

Happy Friday.

It's true what they say, the weekends don't seem to mean so much when your unemployed.

I put in another fifteen minutes on the bike today. Same deal, single speed mountain bike with platform pedals and the most upright position I can finagle. Whatever works, right?

I think I may be ready for more.  The real question is how much I can actually handle without just crushing myself.  I've gotten a bunch of emails from other guys and girls that got hurt, by cars and otherwise, and everyone says the same thing about their recovery: It was hard.

Good think I don't exactly have a whole lot of other things to do.

I want to say thanks to all the folks who ordered drunkcyclist merchandise. I appreciate your business. And the few extra buck in my pocket isn't going to hurt.

Some links:

[hands down cool] youtube.com (link fixed)
[fuck it] fotm.rotten.com/fotm
[an oldie but a goody] iaaf.org
[blog] wiredonkey.com
[get up off you ass and get the fuck down here!] collegehumor.com
[recipe for destruction] howtoavoidthebummerlife.com

A few upcoming events for you to check out:

From: N. Subject: BikeAGoGo: Calling all female bike mechanics I am working with the women’s bike demo day in Santa Fe next month. Have you heard of it (info below)? My main goal now is finding female backyard or shop mechanics interested in signing up for the bike build contest. The first prize is $175 cash, plus bike goodies. Should be great fun. The contest will be something along the lines of a 20-minute exercise including installing/aligning the seat/seatpost, handlebar/stem (with shifters, brakes, tape/grips already installed), pedals, wheels, attaching the cables to the derailleurs and brakes and adjusting to spec, checking tire pressure, and then going for a test ride. If you are interested, or know of anyone who is, including someone who wants to judge, please email me. Bike-A-GoGo The fun-loving Pedal Queens, a women's cycling club based in Santa Fe, will be hosting Bike-a-GoGo, a Women's Bicycle Demo Day and Expo, on November 11 at the Santa Fe Community College. The focus is women cyclists in the Southwest (Arizona, Colorado, New Mexico, Texas) that are interested in learning more about bikes and gear. They will have a chance to see what bike companies have to offer those of the female persuasion. Women-specific products, local retailers, and other women-oriented bicycle businesses will attend, featuring road and mountain biking products, nutritional goods, and apparel. Bike-a-GoGo will include seminars on safety, training and equipment, raffles, two contests (women's tire-changing competition and a battle of the bike builder for female mechanics interested in demonstrating their skills), organized bike rides, and an after-party for the ladies attending. The Pedal Queens are quickly becoming one of the largest women's cycling clubs in the country. The club focuses on creating a supportive, non-threatening environment for women to learn about and ride both road and mountain bikes. Known for their pink feather boas and squeals of laughter, the Pedal Queens are super energetic. This event is sure to be a blast for everyone. What: Bike-A-GoGo, the Pedal Queens Bike Expo and Demo When: 9 a.m. to 1 p.m., Saturday, Nov. 11 Who: Complete beginners to expert cyclists, something for everyone! Where: Santa Fe Community College, 6401 Richards Avenue Information: pedalqueens.com/bikeagogo.html

Sounds like fun, doesn't it?

And, what's this? A press release? Here? At drunkcyclist?

From: Jeff Subject: *Press Release* October 27, 2007 Charlotte, NC The 4th Annual BIG STAMPEDE CYCLING EXPO & SWAP rolls into Charlotte, North Carolina on Sunday, November 12th! The event will be held in the NASCAR Nextel Cup Garage of Lowe's Motor Speedway (lowesmotorspeedway.com), and features an expanded Kids Rodeo and a staffed moon bounce so the kids can jump while you shop! Come shop for bikes, parts, and accessories from Gita Sporting Goods, Health Net Pro Cycling Team, Jittery Joe's Pro cycling, Victory Women's Cycling, and many area shops All cycling manufacturers, retailers, pro and amateur teams, clubs, cycling-related services, and even individuals cleaning out the garage are welcome to sign up for an exhibitor booth and unload all that gear! Remember, exhibitors get in early and get first crack at buying and selling before the public is let in, so reserve your spot now. As an added bonus, The Tarheel Trailblazers are also hosting the acclaimed Southside Spanker road ride leaving from the Stampede. Registration and information is at bigstampede.com See you there!

Some good advice coming at you:

From: Hiram Subject: Financial Advice Big J, I'm sure you've gotten plenty of sympathy mail. Here's another. I only read Wednesdays message and don't know what the fuck happened to you. I haven't been to your site in 2 years but can quickly tell that you got jacked up. I'm sorry. I've been there, with big concussions, neck braces and plenty of barfing in emergency rooms. Your reality is scary and sobering. I'm in Portland, the nations friendliest bike town, and bikers still get creamed. Killed dead. To all the bikers...don't trust a single one of the mutherfuckers...you know the ones...anything with 4 wheels. TO ALL THE CYCLE BROTHERHOOD: If you have car insurance, spend $30/year to increase your Personal Injury Protection which often covers you in a bike accident...any bike accident on the road system, regardless of fault. 5 years ago I wrote you a sob story about how my sexy Ti mtn bike got ripped off by some industrious Portland chumps. You kindly responded with sympathy. Thanks. Back then I assumed you were just running a rant-page with porn for frosting. But after 5 years I realize you've proven yourself a champion of the two wheeled revolution. So I hope you share this. Edit it however you like. About PERSONAL INJURY PROTECTION: It's part of car insurance and most states require a $15,000 minimum of PIP. It's intended to cover your personal medical expenses if you have an accident that is your fault. However, in Oregon (I don't know about other states), it covers you if you're driving a car, or a motorcycle, or walking, or skateboard...or riding a bike. Basically ANYTHING related to a traffic accident. Whether or not it's your fault, it covers you. It covered me when a grocery-gettin' mini-van busted my head open...and it was my fault. PIP is rarely used in claims so it's a tiny percent of your 6 month auto insurance premium and boosting it form $15,000 to $50,000 costs only $25-50/year. Sounds like a F-ing bargain for any cyclist! I don't know about mtn bike accidents but anybody that rides in traffic is a fool to not pursue this.

And my [two cents] would be to take a good look at the uninsured motorist and underinsured motorist coverage in you automobile policy.  Assuming you have car insurance that is.  I never really looked at what I had twice, and I never thought much about what would happen if I ever needed it.  The problem is it isn't "if", it's "when". Like when some dick hits you and he ain't got shit.  Then it's your own insurance that ends up footing the bill. And those medical bills ad up quick. [/end two cents]

I am "infamous". 

Really.

I'm at the doctor's office this morning, and this guy, physicians assistant actually, is meeting with me to check out the condition of my knees and ankle.

He mentions, something along the lines of, "I heard about you and your website".  I pause, as I often do when people I don't have a good feel for say something like that, wondering what will come next. 

It can go either way.  And it often has.

For not everyone enjoys the offering at drunkcyclist. I know, I know, hard to believe. But some cats just aren't feeling it. 

He heard about the site from some friends of his in Chicago no less.  He mentioned that I was infamous. 

I'll take it.

The update is the knees are coming along.  As well as the ankle.  He thought some biking might actually do some good for all concerns.  I forgot the name of what was stretched out in my knees as soon as he said it.

Latin, latin, blah, blah, blah.  They got play in 'em.  Both of 'em. But they tell me it will get better.  As long as I'm not jogging, playing soccer or trying to turn quick, I should be fine.

So, I guess my plan to cut & run this November is on the skids?

Links:

[it could have been] youtube.com
[we're doomed?] eyeofthestorm.blogs.com/eye_of_the_storm
[can we fix it?] highclearing.com
[fun] gamesforthebrain.com
[a classic] eng.usf.edu/~dionson/ezzay

After my inaugural jaunt around the neighborhood on two wheels Tuesday, I took Wednesday off and tried to drown myself with a bottle of vodka. It's not that the ride was all that horrible really, but I won't lie to you about it either.  When you go from pretty fit and feeling good about yourself a week before Leadville to barely fucking able to pedal, well, it sucks.

Then you go drink a few beers over Garro's while he has coffee because it's 10:30 in the morning and he doesn't drink so much anymore because of the meds he's on.  He shows you how he can pull himself up out of his wheelchair my holding on to the side of the stove in his kitchen. And he stands there will both hands on the side of that god damn appliance and you feel like such a fucking ass for thinking riding your bike ride was hard.

What do you say to that?  Sure I have a hard time getting my pants on in the morning. And I can't tie my own fucking shoes.  But I just rode to his house and I'm drinking his beer. And what the fuck am I going to tell him, that I've got it bad?

I rode home in the rain and it's a damn good thing I had a bottle waiting for me. 

Steve's a good guy.  I've known him for something like 15 years.  And I know he may read this.  I hope he does.  That day hit me like a ton of bricks. And it took me most of Wednesday to pull my head out of my ass.

And then I got angry.

When I was in high school, and maybe a year after graduation, I dated a girl who smoked. So I smoked a bit too.  Then I realized that I was having these cravings, that my body was beginning to expect the cigarette.

And it made me angry.  So, I decided to quit smoking. And every time I felt a craving, I just got madder. No way was I going to give in.  Anger is a fantastic motivator.

Yesterday, and this morning, were like that.  Now I'm fucking pissed. I'm so bent out of shape about what happened to me.  What happened to Steve. And Matt Kelly.  And Jamie Fallon.  And all the rest.

Today I pulled down my single speed.  I had two spacers on top of the stem, so I switched 'em around and this may be the most upright position I'm going to achieve without buying a new bike. I aired up the tires, a fucking tenuous process in and of itself.  And finally, I switched out the clipless pedals for a pair of platforms. 

My knees thanked me for that. Twice.

I rode for maybe fifteen minutes.  And it was fun as hell.

This is it. It starts now. I owe it every one of the poor bastards that got hit by a car.

I owe it to myself.

Since my accident, a few site fans have contacted me and offered a donation. And I've always politely declined. I didn't really feel like taking anyone's money for nothing.

But, truth be told, I haven't worked since I got hit on August 5th. As one can image, I've burned up my savings in short order.

So, here's the deal: If you want to help me out, buy something from the DC store.

I've got three new shirts for you guys and girls.  Plus beer koozies, bottle openers, socks, cycling jerseys, you name it. 

     

I'm also getting a piece of every sale over at the video store.

And that's about as close to charity as I'm willing to accept at this point.  You pick up a new shirt and I come out a few dollars richer.   We all win.

Today's links:

[dear ann, by henry rollins] youtube.com
[best time fuck ever] jacksonpollock.org
[go stick another ribbon...] youtube.com
[bastard] gambling911.com
[trails in danger] secure2.convio.net/imba/site/Advocacy

I rode a bicycle for the first time today. The thought came to me as I sat in the garage, staring at all the bikes hanging by their wheels along two walls, the helmets, tools, wheels, frames, tires, and all the other shit our garages collect.  I sipped my coffee, listened to NPR, petted the dog and just stared.

Fuck it. This is as good a time as any.

I picked up a helmet.  I might need this.  I chose one of the mountain bikes that was leaning against the others, one which would not require me trying to get a bike off a hook.  I squeezed a tire.

A bit soft.  Just like my midsection these days.

Getting the tires pumped up was a chore.  Those damn valves are so far away all of the sudden.  40 pounds ought to do the trick.  The shock feels damn soft too, but maybe soft is good these days and I leave well enough alone.

Now, lemme see about some shoes. I had to pick a bike with clipless pedals.  Couldn't just take out a cruiser. That smug bastard is up on a hook.  I'll need a spotter to get that thing down.  Put it on my to-do list along with everything else.

Ok, I'm as ready as I'm going to get. I'm in the garage, trying to get my leg over the fucking thing, laughing to myself about how much of a pain in the ass it was just to get the damn shoes on. If these things had laces, it would've been a deal breaker.  Velcro straps you can just stab at with an outstretched finger with some success.  Laces require much more work. Work I am unable to perform in my current condition.

I'm standing over the bike now, one foot clipped in.  I try clipping out and back in a few times to make sure I can actually do it.  My ankles, especially the right one (my right leg fared far worse) ain't what they used to be.

And before they weren't much.

I'm floating down the driveway.  The cool morning air against my face, I'm smiling.  I head down my street. 

Pedaling is a chore and requires more thought than I seem to remember. The legs have completely forgotten about circles.  In fact, I'd settle for squares at this point. Shoot for the moon and all that.  Up, across, down, back, Jesus. This is ridiculous.  Are these someone else's legs?  Where'd I leave mine?

And could these damn handlebars be any further away?  I feel as though I'm being bent in half.  This going to take some work.

A left at then end of the street and a right turn later and I'm on dirt.  Actual dirt. My tires crunch along.  I roll over rocks. I am having fun.  I come to a short rise, and I mean the kind of thing I would have barely noticed back in the summer when I was fit. Today I barely make it over.  Doesn't this thing have any lower gears?

No, twenty two - thirty four is it, big guy.  Suck it up.

I realize I'm half way to Garro's house.  He lives less than a half mile from me.  I decide to stop in.  Either that or I'll have to just stand around by myself and prepare for the five minute ride back.  I really need to get off this damn thing for a few minutes.

His driveway forces me back down to my lowest gears.  Ugh.  I actually consider walking, but quickly dismiss the idea as I have no idea how I'd manage to dismount without something to hold on to.

Damn.

I drink a few of Steve's beer and we shoot the shit.  We're both broken cyclists at the moment.  We talk about old times, doctors, hospitals, and sleepless nights.  We talk about how strong our wives are.  How we couldn't do it without them.

I leave as the rain falls on my shoulders.  And you know what, life ain't that bad when you stop to think about it.

Links:

[read] bukowski.net
[snake's pic] youtube.com
[as the toto turns] nyvelocity.com/pictures/tturns12.jpg
[pantani museum - scroll down] velonews.com
[less chunky soup] eagles.aolsportsblog.commcnabb-pukes
[wft?] armorofgodpjs.com
[the new flip-flop] talkingpointsmemo.com

And an email:

From: dan Subject: mutha fuka The wife and I are heading to New Orleans fer Halloween so I call a friend to sub for me at the spin class I teach. This chick rocks. She lost 150lbs, yeah boy, one-hundred-fifty-fuckin'-pounds riding bikes and taking spin classes. Now she is fit and kickin'. Her brother reciently moved in with her to go to school and mooch off her way of life to lose some weight. Dude wins a Trek 2200 in a raffle, starts rockin the thing and decides he will ride to college instead of drive. Dude is makin' stellar headway. Here is where it gets nice... another student hit him in the parking lot. His bike is jacked. His back is jacked. His ankle is jacked. His riding, much like yours, is jacked. Best part, the bastard that hit him didn't run. The campus keystones showed and all was good. Well now that it is time to pay the bills, the kesytones "can't find" the fucker that wacked him, so now he is really screwed. My new message to the world of rednecks and soccer moms: I'm done. I'm fuckin' packin'. You hit me, you better take me out, cuz if I can get a shot off, I'll be aiming for your face. Glad you're out of the brace. when you start riding order a wool cap from jen at walzcaps.com. They rock. Then get a gun.

I got an email from my man the gnome tonight.  He asked if I had any beer in the house. Not like he'd have to ride across the parking lots of twenty beer joints on the way over.  It's a guy thing and free drinks are free drinks.

I wrote back that I didn't have any beer, but I did have vodka.  I told him I was knocking back the night's first cocktail and was about to saddle up to another without much hesitation.  For tonight, I said, tonight I drink for all man's sins.

Ought to keep me busy for a while.

Tonight's link offerings:

[old as new] tpmcafe.com
[shaq attack] theagitator.com
[same as it ever was] gocomics.com/calvinandhobbes
[mormon cash flow] azcentral.com/romney-mormons
[gayer than a tennis helmet] comcast.net
[happy pants] zug.com
[dc interviewed] singlephile.net
[good times ahead] worlddominationtoys.com/toys_supersoaker.html
[jay dejesus] dirtragmag.com
[blog] letnomanjack.blogspot.com

I'm in the odd and unenviable situation this evening of actually rooting for the Cowboys.  I'm taking them over the Giants.  They are two division rivals, and they're both 3 and 2 as this thing kicks off.  The Eagles dropped to third in the NFC East after yesterday's heart wrenching loss to the Buccaneers.  They now have a record of 4 and 3.

After tonight's match up, the Eagles will be back up to second as either the Cowboys or the Giants drop to 3 and 3.  The Giants are the real deal and the scare me. They have not lost a division game this year.  They go down to Dallas tonight and it works out well for the Eagles.

At least it does in my book.  And as of right now, my book is the only one that matters. Politics makes strange bedfellows, and so does professional sports.

And to the emails:

Glad to hear the event was a smashing success.

About the Eagles loss yesterday, I went across town with my man Brinky to soak up a little Sunday morning football at the the mostly vacant Fratelli Pizza on 4th Street. For those of you that don't know Brinky, you know a guy just like him. He wears his heart on his sleeve. And when his team looses, the world is a wretched mess. He's known for pacing around the bar as the Eagles imploded in their classic style. I also feel his pain, being a Philly sports fan is nothing less than a masochistic pastime.

The birds got the ball with two minutes remaining, drove the length of the field and took the lead as Westbrook scored a touchdown on a 52 pass play. Game, set, match, right? Not today baby. The Bucs get the ball back with a mere 30 seconds on the clock. The Eagles hold 'em back, and the Bucs attempt a 62 yard field goal, outside, with 4 seconds on the clock.

Byrant fucking nails the thing and that's the game.

I thought my god damn head was going to explode.

From: Joe Subject: did RFTR Big Jonny, I did the Ride for the Roses last weekend and Austin, Texas. We got rained on with maximum enthusiasm. The rain washed out part of the course, so the 100 mile people had to settle for the 70 mile loop. At the cut off, where people could do the 70 or the 40, Mr. Armstrong smiled like the cat that ate the canary and wished all of the 70-mile people good luck as he headed back to the barn as quick as could be. The event was a success, and a couple of people raised a lot of money. Top single fundraiser was over $120,000. Here in Boston, there's a nip of winter in the air, and we know what's coming and it's not all that pretty. I treated myself to a new road bike, a Scott CR1 Pro and I'm mighty happy with it. The four-year-old Trek was getting a bit tired. New 10-speed ultegra is quite sweet, good enough for this 41-year-old regular schmuck with a mortgage.

A new Scott with Ultegra 10 is nothing to scoff at. I'll have to find a new road bike in the next few months as my old one is smashed to bits. Damn shame too, it was a nice ride.

I'll match your 41 year old schmuck with a mortgage status with my 36 year old schmuck with a mortgage status. Maybe I should just ride a fixie and be done with it. 

Today is Pines to the Mines, a local bike event, group ride/race, that we enjoy every fall up here in the northland.  You know how it goes, you get three people together on a ride, and it's a "race" to as least two of them.  I've done it a few times, back when four of us gave it a go with only a VW van down in Jerome to get us home.  Since then it's grown to 15 passenger vans with trailers full of bikes, support on route and all the tears and tribulations of getting a bunch of friends out for a 95 mile off-road ride.

Oh, it's a good time.

I'll go check out the start and try and make it down to Jerome for the finish.  No promises yet on Jerome, as it's got to be an 75 mile drive.  I could just opt out and sit in my back yard staring at trees. 

It goes like that some times around here. Today's links:

[it can start after pat's birthday] truthdig.com
[friday's foaming rant] velonews.com
[tons 'o pics] flickr.com/photos/redridinghoodproductions/sets
[trials] youtube.com/watch?v=9sR4PSkrix8
[could happen] skibbysez.blogspot.com/armstrong-intimidates-witness
[wtf] dykedolls.com

Some bad news out of the Valley:

From: Marty Subject: Wes was a good guy Jon -- A friend of mine named Wesley Carnes, age 49, was hit while riding his bike friday morning about 7am in Mesa and was airlifted to a hospital where he was pronounced dead on arrival. Wes was a good guy. The 36 year old driver is facing felony charges while the police investigate whether impairment was a factor or not. Spread the word about next year's ride of silence. rideofsilence.org

I am very sorry to hear about that. My heartfelt condolences to his friends and family.

News links as follows:
eastvalleytribune.com/index.php?sty=77050
azcentral.com/news/articles/1020brk-bikefatal1020-ON.html

Happy Friday. 

Tomorrow is the Pines to the Mines.  I've done that one for the past three years.  I'm kinda sad I'm missing it.

But I'll go down and see those bums off in the morning anyway. Seems like the least I could do.  Garro and I are the local gimped up cyclists, so it falls to us to be the Masters of Ceremony.

This is homecoming weekend at NAU, and that only means one thing: Tequila Sunrise. That's when hundreds of college kids, and the hanger-ons who still wish they were college kids, stumble around the downtown bars that open their doors at 6:00 am.  The real pros hit it hard straight through the night, from bar closing till the magic re-opening a short four hours later. The pretenders go home and set their alarm like the candy asses they are.

I talk a bit game, but I've never participated in this event.  I seem to get plenty loaded without having to hang out with a bunch of dumbasses.  I mean, other than the usual dumbassses I surround myself with. What do the kids call it these days, oh yeah, my posse.

But I'm not above going downtown, getting a cup of coffee, finding a good vantage point, and watching the show.  Our local boys in blue will be out in force, as they are every year for this one.   I expect nothing less than multiple arrests for public urination, disorderly conduct and all the other related crap that happens every homecoming.

How come I can go downtown on a Friday night, when all my boys are out in force, everyone get juiced up and not one of 'em gets arrested?  And tomorrow morning at least 10 kids will get cuffed and stuffed.  Why is that?  Some things are obviously beyond me. And that's one of them.

Tonight's one of those nights I wish I had something worth a damn to talk about. As it stands, I do not.  And I rarely do.  So it's straight to the links.

Click and win:

[more olbermann] youtube.com
[the net @ risk] pbs.org
[blog] suckapants.com
[adios douche] azstarnet.com
[i see obama people] npr.org
[hamilton back racing?] velonews.com
[it's all about the flip flop] talkingpointsmemo.com
[tunes] betarecords.com/openframeset.php?content=/p-turkey
[moab two four] sltrib.com/sports/ci_4499178
[i got ten on the pirate] imagesocket.com
[why mommy is a democrat] littledemocrats.net
[starbucks sucks] bikeportland.org/starbucks-employee-says-his-manager
-discouraged-bike-use

And to the email!

From: Dan Subject: 2006 Cochise Hey Jonny, Got a couple pictures for you - note the dc socks (and the shit-kicking headwind)!! I wore a hole in the big toe on both feet - I have used those socks exclusively since I got them from you. I've put hundreds of miles on them and they have been great, but 12+ hours of nonstop pushing takes its to turn my ass into raw meat. I was reading the new Tailwinds on the way home after the race and there was a passage related to the CCCC that said "the distances range from doable to brutal." How coincidental, as "Brutal" was exactly how I described the last 165 miles of the 252 to the tailwinds writer just after finishing. The 252 was not very eventful this year. It was pretty much the same from the descent off the Texas Canyon climb to the finish - wind, more wind, annoying wind, intense wind, then brutal wind. Oh, there was a little rain; actually a lot of rain but it all came down at one time - in a 7 mile stretch on the climb at the border before Road Forks (mile 170). Those who had thought about doing the 252 this year, but decided against it, picked the right year to sit it out. Tommy Bawden and I were off the front at mile 6 and decided to not look back. The climb up Mule Pass was sedate and I actually got to see Bisbee. The descent was into a headwind and I was frustrated to only hit a max of 45 mph. By far the slowest I have ever gone down that hill. Killer tailwind from Tombstone to Benson. We reached Benson (72 miles) in 3:05 - 10 min faster than ever before. Tommy struggled on the lower slope of Texas Canyon and I ended up having to leave him. It is a 15 mile climb (1400') and I didn't want to spend anymore time on the freeway than absolutely necessary. He is a nice guy. I wish we could have ridden together longer. It took me 4:37 to get to the turn at Road Forks. I pushed rather hard down I-10 because of the increasing headwind, riding under the assumption that the east wind would hold and I would have this great cross to tailwind down Rt 80. You know what they say about people who "assume." I was actually angry when I started down Rt 80 into a cross-headwind, and I couldn't seem to think past it. I used this anger as fuel. But it didn't last long, and as the high octane was running out, the brutal wind was shifting to a direct headwind. It was so intense at times that standing up to pedal out of the saddle (for some backside relief) resulted in an instant 5 mph drop in speed. At one point, I unclipped my left foot to shake out the quads and came to almost a complete stop in 30 meters, on a downhill. The only way I could find to make time is to do interval-like exertions on the upgrades and relax the pace on the flats and downgrades. This also helped to break up the monotony. The only shelter I got was with 13 miles left on the drop into Silver Creek, where the hills blocked the wind for about 8 minutes, before climbing out into the wind for the last 10 miles into Douglas. The police escort into town was a first - and a nice touch. Although, I wish he would have stayed a little closer - I keep trying to get into his draft to hide from the wind the last 3 miles, but he kept speeding up. See you on the road

I have got to get that guy some new socks.

From: zajicek Subject: Re: The treatment Shit Jonny. Anything I send you print it. Really don't give a fuck. On way back to boulder to 5 days of juggling then it is off to London for an aussie chickie. Oh the good times are now. Drunk at 33000 ft. Hope I can find some trouble.

Some guys just got it. Z-Boy, he's got it.  Me?  I ain't got shit. I'm out of bourbon.  But I still gots vodka. 

Time to get busy up in this mother fucker.

When does Thirsty Thursday start up again?  And why am I asking you?

Never mind that nonsense.  Today's links below:

[old man welch] photos1.blogger.com
[lust of bust game] transbuddha.com
[ben cohen] truemajorityaction.org/oreos
[fun] iworkwithfools.com
[round the world by bike] alastairhumphreys.com
[wtf] drivewithcare.com
[biker down] azcentral.com
[basso] eurosport.com/cycling...

Aside from that, I pretty much have nothing to say.  I can't yet ride a bike.  So instead, I moved some pine needles around in my back yard with a rake.

Yeah, I know, I'm living the dream over here.  It's getting better all the time.  Kinda reminds me of this line I heard once. It goes: 

Been down so long, it looks like up to me.

Today the brace came off.

I've been strapped into that evil son of a bitch for three long months. And I can't say I'll miss it.  As I walked out of the Doctors office I threw it in the bushes.

Feeling that wasn't quite cricket, I retrieved it and brought it home.  Now it's downstairs.  I don't know if I should cut it in half, hit it with a hammer or sell the fucking thing on ebay.

I'll probably end up doing nothing with it and just leave it in the garage for the next six years of my life.

Today's links:

[goodbye, habeas corpus ] msnbc.msn.com
[what if...] highclearing.com
[red riding hood] redridinghoodproductions.com/movie.html
[race] tourofmissouri.com
[yo baby what] youtube.com
[the other shoe dropping?] velonews.com/...11057.0.html
[anyone read french?] lemonde.fr
[where will basso land?] velonews.com/...11055.0.html 
[party loyalty quiz] politicalhumor.about.com

On that last one I scored the following:

The Democratic Loyalty Quiz 10 Questions to Test Your Allegiance to the Democrats Your score is 10 on a scale of 1 to 10. You are a pure, unabashed, die-hard Democratic loyalist. You are appalled by the way Republicans are turning America into a theocratic, corpo-fascist police state, and you'd gladly walk through a furnace in a gasoline suit to elect a Democratic president. In your view, there is no higher form of patriotism than defending America against the Republican Party and every intolerant, puritanical, imperialistic, greed-mongering, Constitution-shredding ideal for which it stands.

And then...  

Anyone else seeing a recurring theme here?

Bring on the emails:

From: Ryan Subject: Idiots Abound Fuggin A. Rode 30+ miles this morning on the road with the other A-holes and not a problem. Leave it to the a-Hole in the little Hyundai railing the corner as I'm in the cross walk with my McD's in hand to see if he can, in fact, keep it pinned at 35mph, rally style sliding around the fuggin corner. Jaggoff. Dude comes less than a car width away from me as I am walking towards the corner. Since when did it become legal to turn right at full speed when people are in the cross walk, right in front of you? WTF? That's it, I'm gonna start packin. And the next time some jaggoff so much as nudges me with their car, I'm gonna pill their cap, gangsta style, Kneegrow. Sheet fewl. I would have thrown my McD's at him, but man, I've got a case of the Mac Attacks, soon to be followed by the McPoop.

Sounds like you were already packin'. Eatin' that swill will fucking kill you.

From: D Subject: no subject Hey Big Jonny, Tell Big Pun that there is one more type of woman reading your site: we're the outwardly goodie two shoes with a secret dark side. But he is right that male calendars just don't fly unless you are saving it until your daughter is a pre-teen girl with dreams of hunky army men pinned to the inside of her bedroom door. Case in point: the Feminine Frames feminineframes.com calendars that both male and female mountain bikers use to buy by the dozen, then they made the Masculine Frames calendars and no one bought them, not even the chicks. Too bad they don't at least make Feminine Frames anymore. Maybe it was my naked butt that killed it...Sorry about that.

I hold your ass responsible for that. You bastard.

And last but not least, our girl Charlene:

From: Charlene Subject: AIDS Marathon Hello! Not all of you know, and it may surprise some of you, but I am currently training for the 2007 ING Miami Marathon which will take place on Sunday 28 January, 2007. That's right-- I have been training for this life-changing event for 5 weeks now. I run every Sunday morning with my pace group-we are named the 'Frank Shorter' group, after a famous marathoner. Armed with my personal GPS, I have completed 25 'official' miles (through group training) and over 50 miles of running on my own! Over the next four months, I will be logging hundreds of miles as part of the training program, which is raising money for the fight to end AIDS. By the time the marathon rolls around, I expect to have logged hundreds of miles. At that rate, I will need some new sneakers-- not like I need an excuse to buy a new pair of shoes! My cool new running shoes, GPS, MP3 player, and the occasional K-9 running companion (when Milo or Bear are not lazy) all give me tons of motivation to get through this physical and mental challenge. But the greatest motivation off all is the cause for which I am running-to raise money to fight AIDS. What I especially like is that the money will be used locally, right here in D.C. The funds raised directly benefit the Whitman-Walker Clinic, the largest provider of HIV/AIDS services in Washington, DC, Maryland and Virginia. The Clinic provides direct medical care, food, housing and other really important AIDS services -- to help keep people alive until there's a cure. Unfortunately, approximately one in every 20 adults in the District of Columbia is living with HIV/AIDS! And, did you know that more than one million Americans, and 40 million others around the world, are living with HIV -- the virus that causes AIDS? With more than 20 million deaths so far, AIDS is now the leading cause of death among all people aged 15 to 59 worldwide. My personal physical challenge has already started-I have now begun the 'hard' yet most important part, fundraising. As a participant in the AIDS Marathon Training Program, I have committed to raise at least $2,700 before Wednesday, 1st November, 2006; I hope to raise even more. Contributions are tax-deductible and will make a huge difference in the lives of thousands of people living with HIV/AIDS. I hope that you'll share this incredible adventure with me - by supporting my fundraising efforts. For donations of $100 or more, you will receive a ribbon cookie cutter and your very own batch of homemade AIDS ribbon sugar cookies, baked with love by yours truly. Please be as generous as you can, although any donation whatsoever is immensely appreciated, as no donation amount is too small for this great cause of raising funds for AIDS research. The easiest way to donate is to do so online-here is the link to my personal page (my participant number is 2212): aidsmarathon.com/...runner=DC-2212&EventCode=MI07 You can also look me up on the aidsmarathon.com page by name of participant number. If you have any questions or want to hear more about what I'm doing, please get in touch with me. I would be happy to send you updates on my training progress or anything else. To find out more about the Whitman-Walker Clinic and all the good work they do, please visit their website at wwc.org. Thank you in advance for your generous support.

I need to flip the script a bit here. I've been busting Pun's balls 'cause he's a Raiders fan and his team sucks ass.  Hey, I'd get the same treatment if the roles were reversed.  My team loses the Super Bowl to those god damn Patriots and suddenly my ass is on fire. That's how it goes around here:  It's funny when friends are in pain.

Today I need to give my man a little praise. Yeah, his team took a 13 to 3 beating from the Broncos on Sunday and they played every bit like the worst team in the National Football League. Which, by they way, they are. But here's the real magic: Pun took a bet on his team, after the game had already started, from a rabid (and assumedly intoxicated) Broncos fan who phoned him up to gloat & tease our hero.  The bet was for "dinner".  Pun wanted points.   For those of you that know and fear Big Pun, it's not the food that scares you when to take him out, it's his bar tab.

I should know. I offered up the same once, to pay him back for spending all of a Sunday helping me out with my irrigation system in the back yard.  Might as well have been installing a brand new system as much as this one took to get in order.  We were digging trenches, fixing wiring, you name it. Big stick and a lunch kind of day.  The kid put in some work.  So I took him to dinner. This guy will put the squeeze on you to the tune of $75 bucks worth of booze without even really trying all that hard. If he's really motivated, you could easily be paying much, much more than that. 

I can't remember what I ended up paying out that night, but I can tell you I was surprised.  And I we had a designated driver, so there was no holding back.  If you put dinner & drinks on the table with Pun, you had better make sure you either 1) a solid bet, 2) really owe him, or 3) just feel like spending money.

Back to the bet.  Pun got his points.  24 of 'em.  That's right, he took the Raiders plus twenty four points against the Broncos after the game had already started.

He may be saddled with the NLF's worst team, but he's no dummy. And, sure as I'm sitting here, he's going to raise his glass for several toasts to the stories Raiders franchise and the past and future glory of Oakland as he takes a run at the single malt scotch inventory like he was a bottomless pit. 

As it should be.

Today's links:

[all toto all day] nyvelocity.com/pictures/tturns11.jpg
[bettini is the man] eurosport.com/giro-lombardia...
[5 stages of a republican scandal] talkingpointsmemo.com
[zajicek gob cast] gabcast.com
[why oil prices dropped] money.cnn.com
[gop confidence theories] tpmcafe.com/coffeehouse/why_so_confident
[floyd?] dailypelotonforums.com
[ferrentino's new gig] bicycleretailer.com

And the email:

From: Marty Subject: D-Man yo bro Big Dan McGehee (feel free to substitute your favorite nickname here) won the CCCC for the 6th time on Saturday pbaa.com/...CCCC What a pussy - he said he was "tired" afterwards...whatever THAT means. Apparently the 149 mile solo break "tired" him out. I have no sympathy for whiners.

Some guys got it.  Some guys don't.

Mountain Goat McGehee, he's got it.  Full stop.

From: dejay Subject: SingleSpeed Arizona SINGLESPEED ARIZONA is coming 2/10/07. This second year event is sure to be the best one yet, not much to live up to. HAHAHA. This year the field will be limited to 100 riders and there will be a registration process. On Nov. 6th the gates will open for you to send me an email with your Name, Address, Phone #, Male of Female. Put SSAZ07 in the subject box IF YOU WANT TO DO THE RIDE. After I get your email, I will send you the wavier. Then you must print and fill out the wavier and snail mail it back to me with a donation of $20.00 smackers. This cash goes towards the “CAUSE”= food, beverages, bands??, smiles and most likely a little suffering. When all is done and if you somehow don’t believe the cause was worthy and lived up to your high standards then you can have your donation back. If I don’t see your waiver and $$ by the 5th of January, I will do my best to get a hold of you (sometimes my best just isn’t good enough) and then your spot will be given to someone else. When I receive your package I will send you a map of the course via internet. Don’t lose your map you may need it. The group will meet at Agua Caliente Park (base of Mt. Lemmon area) and roll out at 9am. Be there early!!!!! The course will be about 40 miles with some dirt/jeep road and lots of tech single track. This ride IS NOT for the timid. Last year the course was a bit tougher and took some riders almost 8 hours (Chewey and friends), but the first to make it back did it in just under 4 hours. Due to some internet problems the singleswizzle site has been more problems then what it is worth. So this is what I’m reduced to, but I guess it is the way it is supposed to be. One at a time and word of mouth. SO TELL SOMEBODY. If there is more to know I’ll put the emails out there. P.S. of course….This year the SSAZ is the week before the 24 Hours in the Ol’Pueblo. So if possible come for the week. I’ll be heading up some ride on Sun, Mon, Tues, and Wednesday. Thank our sponsors Surly Bikes, IRC, Niner Bikes, King Cage, Ergon Grips, New Belgium Brewing, WTB, Cars-R-Coffins, Crumpler Bags, Ahearne Cycles, Phil Wood, Dirt Rag, Adidas Eyewear, Genuine Innovations, Cateye

Happy Monday.

Tomorrow I get another round of x-rays on my back. Wednesday I got see the back doc. He may get me out of this brace, or he might tell me to wear it for another four weeks. He may tell me I can now lift my daughter, or he might tell me to continues with this ten pound limit. He may get me started on rehab, or he might have me continue to "rest".

I may climb into a bottle, or I might put a bullet in my head.  And what's the fucking difference anyway.

Flight of the Pigs is coming.  Friday, November 24 at 6:20 am.   Bring a big stick and a lunch, this is an all day affair.  Flyer up here.

Links:

[10 footers] cnn.com/...canada.troops.marijuana
[foley 2006] whitehouse.org/initiatives/posters/foley-think.asp
[kunstler] jameshowardkunstler.typepad.com/clusterfuck_nation
[saul raisin comeback] velonews.com
[vdb comeback? scroll down...] cyclingnews.com
[reverse midas touch] tpmmuckraker.com
[mehlman sucks] talkingpointsmemo.com
[cbgb's last hardcore matinee] flickr.com

Emails:

From: Live N. Learn Subject: first bikes 'n' stuff Dear Mr. Mammary Lane, It wasn't my first bike -- that fabled machine is lost in the dim mists of Time -- but my first mountain bike was a 1986 Trek 830 Antelope. Christ, what a watery pile of dung that machine was. It weighed more than my truck and handled like a Harley Fat Boy with two flats and a fat bitch packin'. I finally lost it one day while trying (and failing, and trying again, and failing again) to climb a loose, steep hill on some BLM land outside Espanola, New Mexico. I finally dragged the evil sonofabitch up the hill, swung it around my head like Thor's hammer, and launched it into the void beyond, screaming, "Aaaaarrrrrrggghhhhh!" Just as the fuckin' thing left my fingertips I remembered something kind of important: "Shit, I need that goddamn thing to get home." Yrs., etc., Live N. Learn Afoot, CO

Ain't that the god damn truth.

From: Big Pun Subject: I Hate You Jonny, May I be the first to let you know that, yes, my friend, posting the link on Saturday to the half-naked soldier site does indeed make you gay. So very very gay. Where did you find that link anyway? Did someone tell you about it while you were strolling through the woods admiring the changing of the fall color in the aspens? For fuck sakes Jon! You know, my kid is going to have enough shit to deal with wondering why her real daddy sends checks instead of visiting (by the way, tell the wife, check’s in the mail…) and why her Papa Pun would allow her to be raised by a fruitcake who is gayer than a couple of cyclists in a singlewide trailer. Look man, I know that this whole car v. bike thing has you emotionally drained; but, I think that maybe we need to get you out of the house more often if you are posting GI-Joe calendars. Not to beleaguer the point…but I will. I just can’t quite wrap the ol’ dome piece around your motivation for the link. Let’s think this through and try to decipher the causation. Option 1: You enjoy near-naked men. (Although certainly possible, lets leave it alone for the sake of your pride and mine.) Option 2: You believe that you have female readers who may enjoy near-naked men (I would like to examine two different cases for this one based on the two types of women who I know read your site. Woman A: Princess Primrose of Tucson. Primrose enjoys her men in lycra. There is no room in her heart/ loins for men in camouflage. She would be happy if you continued to post links to Velonews with extreme bib-short close-ups. Soldiers drop the bombs that get in the way during her archeological digs and they are the source of the bullets that Jackass finds and threatens to use. In short, not a big fan. Woman B: Dirty Kate of Boston. Our reader sample from the east coast, Kate enjoys her men…or women…or mammals…perhaps the occasional marsupial…pretty much if it breathes, Kate will enjoy it near as we can figure. Regardless, there were at most twelve near-naked men in that calendar. That’s breakfast for Kate, this woman slept with an entire NCAA conference, what the fuck does she need twelve little soldiers for??? You would have been better off just publishing an excel spreadsheet with the battalion members’ names, addresses, and a scorecard if you were after the Dirty Kate contingent. So. I am left in a quandary. I have obviously exhausted all possible explanations for the post and I am not happy with any of them. Fortunately, there are other things to care about. The 2006 Soulstice Trail Run was this morning. Chop and I took up our post at the water station to watch the action and hydrate the runners. Great race near as I could figure. The participants ran through some nasty weather including fog, rain, and a tornado warning (Look, I realize that tornados don’t really happen in the mountains, but shit, this is Flagstaff and the radio guy told us that we had ourselves a tornado warning.) It was a strange day. Highlights from the DC front included The Bus rocking the long 11.5 mile course and dropping Fitty more times than anyone could count. Elisa McQuaid dropped him too so good for her and maybe Fitty will get up in time to eat breakfast next year. Neil with N.A.T.R.A. always puts on a fine race and even though the weather was grim, Frost and Matt in the PnT trailer make everything warm and fuzzy once the kegs are tapped and the beer starts flowing. Apropos of the weather, were the levies on the Rio de Flag breached??? Cause I’ll be damned if we don’t have the biggest sandbag ever with your Philly friend Paul finishing first overall in the…wait for it….wait for it…10K SHORT COURSE. The guy is fast. He knows he’s fast. He was calling it the “Sprint” course. Oh well. Nice work Brinkmann. Well that’s it for now. We’ll see if I can make it back into the Pay n Take tomorrow after making fun of one of the owners. Ah screw it, I’m puttin’ his kid through college with my bar tabs. Just remember Jon, no more army calendars and next time you see Paul, trip him. P.S.- If any readers out there in Boston happen upon a women’s rugby game near Harvard featuring the likes of Sarah Bell. Walk up to her and kick her in the shin. I can accept rejection after sleeping with a woman, but before, well that’s just bullshit. Cheetoes and handjobs, Bigity Bigity Pun

I just finished watching the Cards loose at home to the Bears after carrying a 20 to nothing lead into the half. This is the second week in a row the Cardinals have been up 14 nothing in the first quarter and then somehow lost their momentum and wound up on the losing end.

I'm not that much of a Cardinals fan, but I would have liked to see them pull one of these out.  They are due. And next week, they got the Raiders.

Could be a breakout for either team. What's the over-under line going to be on that one, six points?

Arizona young gun Jonathan Parrish of the White Mountain Road Club was hit by a car today during the Tour of Scottsdale. He has a broken collarbone and a compression fracture at least one vertebrae. The upside is no paralysis. They are evaluating him tonight to see if he will require a brace.

Sounds shockingly like my current condition doesn't it? Compression fractures suck ass.  I don't know which hospital he's in, or much anything else at this point. But I have heard that he should be ok. You can see his pic, read his bio, etc, over at the White Mountain website, wmrc.org.

I will post further info as I receive it.

Did you read the latest about Andreu and Vaughters? Oh you should. You really, really should.

You can see it here: cyclingnews.com/news.php?id=news/2006/oct06/oct16news

Something about the other shoe dropping, eh?  Fuck it.  I hope the lid blows off the whole thing.  I am so fucking sick and tired of people telling me, for years mind you, that their Hero Lance Armstrong would never do drugs.

Yeah.  And I'm fucking Santa Claus.

In some bad news for real drunks, Bob Ney may be able to shave a full year off his sentence by going to rehab. When one keeps in mind that "prosecutors have agreed to recommend a sentence of 27 months" as part of his accepting a plea agreement, well, the conclusion is obvious: This guy is getting off way to easy. Blaming it on the sauce and cutting your sentence in half is an insult to taxpayers, booze hounds, and taxpaying booze hounds everywhere.

It all makes me feel like cutting and running.

In cycling related news (one cannot just say "cycling news" these days) Bettini takes Giro di Lombardia as a tribute to his recently deceased brother.

"Today I was not pedaling alone," said Betttini, who crossed the line in tears and pointed his fingers to the heavens. "I will never forget this day."

You just can't help but be impressed with that.

Links:

[pines to the mines] payntake.com/pines.htm
[usa made products] stillmadeinusa.com
[773 miles across arizona] juniper-solutions.com
[more of the same...] juniper-solutions.com/AzTrek
[celebrity trike racing] youtube.com
["sex ring" was bad enough] electioncentral.tpmcafe.com
[does linking this make me gay?] freedomisnotfree.com/Calendar.aspx
[the weirdness of cheney]  time.blogs.com/..the_weirdness
[bush overconfidence] usnews.com

Went big on the link, but hey, it's a Saturday. Go figure.

Happy Friday the 13th.

Word.

In case you're wondering, I put all the porn on the porn page. All in one place for your viewing pleasure. You can thank me later.

Just a couple 'o links:

[blog] blasphemous bicycler
[hay zeus] getbehindjesus.net
[kurt vonnegut]  instruct.westvalley.edu/lafave/hb.html
[blog] dara marks-marino

To the emails:

From: Kerri Subject: no subject That story about the Salsa and how it was your first "real" bike reminded me of my first. It was a 1985 Ross Mt. Hood full chrome frame with a SunTour Accushift group with rollercams. Well SunTour's version. And the rear was under the chainstays. A far cry from a Salsa actually more like a poorman's Specialized at the time, but it was the beginning of the addiction.

First one's free kid... We all started somewhere.

I introduce to you the following email for your consideration.  And could this be the mother of all conspiracy theories?

From: bottlcaps Subject: USPS and a Washington D.C. scandal conspiracy theory! Hi All, First off. I'm not a PR firm, or have a blog or represent any commercial interest. But I am a big fan of cycling, having been a competitor, coach and promoter since the the 70's. I've also been following with interest the various political scandals. But a couple of recent articles have raised a red flag and in the true spirit of the American conspiracy theorists I present a interesting hypothesis. Was the US Postal Service Cycling Sponsorship submarined by a political scandal?? Lance Armstrong's USPS Cycling Team may have been a target of a conservative hit squad. The Washington Post has published today an expose of the further deepening of the Jack Abramoff Scandal. washingtonpost.com In a ongoing Senate Investigation, evidence has been found that links Jack Abramoff,an influential Washington lobbyist, with several conservative political action committees. Abramoff used these action committees to write "hit pieces" against organizations targeted by Abramoff's clients. According to the Washington Post "The groups are Americans for Tax Reform; the Council of Republicans for Environmental Advocacy, which was co-founded by Grover Norquist and Gale Norton before she became Secretary of the Interior; Citizens Against Government Waste; the National Center for Public Policy Research, which was a spin off of the Heritage Foundation; and Toward Tradition, a religious group founded by Abramoff friend Rabbi Daniel Lapin." It was two of these groups, the "Americans for Tax Reform" and the "Citizens for Public Waste" that wrote several Op-ed pieces, lobbied Congress and wrote newspaper columns critical of the USPS "wasteful" sponsorship of cycling. It was Leslie K. Paige a Director of Citizens against Government Waste, that wrote a piece for the influential conservative website the National Review Online, that lambasted the USPS sponsorship with now apparently misleading and false information: nationalreview.com In its decision to end it longtime sponsorship of cycling. the US Postal Service cited increased criticism by the likes of these organizations in its decision to drop its sponsorship. But who would be behind this? Jack Abramoff had a lot of clients, including several holding companies. These holding companies in turn had many companies that dealt in shipping logistics or were in competition with the USPS. I doubt if the national press will dig deep enough to uncover if. indeed, this was a plot to end one of the most successful sports sponsorships of our era, but maybe those in the cycling community may want to dig deeper. SOOO, I'm sending this email along to several online cycling journalists and cycling sites in hopes they may uncover more or totally debunk this theory. Sincerly, Tom P. aka bottlcaps

You sent this to "several online cycling journalists" and it ended up in my inbox?

And why stop with just one email?  I mean, really.

From: Chuck Subject: fox lies... Florida courts finds it ok for Fox to deliberately deceive viewers of local news. This is the most beautiful part: "the Florida Appeals court claimed that the FCC policy against falsification of the news does not rise to the level of a "law, rule, or regulation," it was simply a "policy." Therefore, it is up to the station whether or not it wants to report honestly. " I'd say "only in Flordia", but I'd be wrong. My new political slogan "Can't wait for '08". netscape.com/...fox-news-sued-for-the-right-to-lie-and-won Heal fast, just in time for riding the trainer!

Faux News. Diggin in and slinging shit like nobodies business since October 7, 1996.

Happy Birthday you douchebags.

Oh my, is the week almost over all ready?  Over like the Raiders?

I'm so going to catch hell for that.  But, whatever. They suck it worst than I ever thought humanly possible. And if Big Pun and Double A Ron are stuck with those bums, I'll be here to taunt the both of 'em.

Because if the Eagles were 0 and 4, I'd be on the receiving end of it. 

As it should be, as it should be.

Some links:

[landis] velonews.com
[wingman] moderndrunkardmagazine.com/...wingman
[scientific research] asu.edu/news/...bikers.htm
[blog] arcticglass.blogspot.com
[blog] bonius.com/blog
[rove is the devil] tnr.com/blog/theplank?pid=47854
[boner for reid?] tpmmuckraker.com/archives/001782.php
[bergermeister] tpmmuckraker.com/archives/001787.php

For what it's worth, I'm going to put the Landis documents on my own server for folks to download and take a look at.  Here they are:

FL 06-09-07 Review Board Submittal.pdf
FL Lab Doc Pack.zip
Floyd Landis SS_final.pdf

I've been through most of it. All I can say is tough call on that one.  We'll see how it shakes down in the coming weeks and months.

Now that I got those out of they way, I'll have to actually try and type something coherent and meaningful. When have I ever done that, right?

Never.

Drunken stupidity today, drunken stupidly tomorrow, drunken stupidity forever.

Back on the tenth of this month my Salsa Ala Carte turned 15 years old.  I bought the frameset back in 1991.  And I still have the receipt.  It was my first "real" mountain bike. How funny does that sound?  I hear stuff like that all the time; my first real something or other.

Like everything before it was somehow less than real.  Not sure what it means exactly.  The bikes before it had wheels, pedals, brakes.  You know, there were bicycles. 

But the Salsa was something else.

It was a bike and more.  It was the real deal.  It was like a membership card. What did it legitimize anyway?  I'm not really sure. At the time, maybe nothing at all.  But in retrospect, it marked quite a transition. 

Cycling began to take on a much more prominent role in my life. I was into it.  I was out there riding as much as I could.  I got my first job at a bike shop within a year.  I had already decided I wasn't all that excited about racing in circles.  Or racing at all really. What I did like was the big rides, really getting out there, that all day stuff.

And I lived in a perfect place for it.  Arizona has a shit ton of riding.  So much that I haven't gotten close to seeing all of it.  Not even close in all the years I've been pedaling my happy ass around the state.  And don't even get started on the Southwest. New Mexico, Colorado, Utah; off the chart. Way to much to even begin listing.  

There are plenty of things I still need to go do and see. And I mean within a day drive of here. Tons of stuff I've never put a tire on.   And that keeps it exciting.

I tipped a beer towards the old girl the other night out in the garage. She's on a hook, just waiting for Daddy to get better.

Shit, we're all waiting for Daddy to get better.

But, it was cool just checking her out. Fifteen years is a long time.  Everything about bikes has changed since then, and nothing had changed at the same time.  Six of one, half dozen of the other. Go figure.

From: Tall Paul Subject: Today is International Disadvantaged People's Day Please send an encouraging message to a retarded friend, just as I've done. I don't care if you lick windows, interfere with farm animals, vote liberal or occasionally shit yourself.......You hang in there sunshine,You're fucking special...and don't let anyone tell you different.

Well, thank you for that, tallest.

From: The Latin J Subject: Now it's my turn..... Jonny; Hope all is well and your recovery is speeding along - looks like I'll be spending the next few weeks sitting on my ass as well.... last Thursday, while riding the approximately 6 blocks to my girlfriends house for dinner I got t-boned by some assbag in a delivery van. I saw him stopped at the stopsign at the intersection and signaled a left turn, which I started to make - I guess he didn't see me (even though I had both head & tail lights and was literally right in front of him), since he proceeded to plow straight into me - all I could do was say "Oh Fuck!" as he pasted me to the pavement. I don't recall much from there except that a large crowd gathered and several people came to help me, one of whom dragged me out from under the van - at which point I could see my left leg was bent out to the left at a 90 degree angle - that pretty much was lights out for me as next thing I recall was being on the gurney in the ambulance on the way to ER....apparently I retained my keen wit in spite of the delerium, as the attached photo will testify... As far as the damage goes, I'm extremely lucky, 'cause it could have been way worse considering the only thing protecting my head was my ancient Over The Edge Sports baseball cap (thanks Sarah & Troy!!)...my left leg took the brunt of it, he must of hit me directly there - my patella was dislocated and I've got a lot of tissue damage to the calf, though x-rays came back negative for fractures and an ultra-sound showed no blood clots which was a major concern. I go in for an MRI on the knee tomorrow, at which point I'll know an exact prognosis. My beloved Redline faired much worse though...it was basically flattened - both fork legs are bent at the same angle as my leg and the rear triangle is flat as a pancake! - the rear wheel was ripped right out of the dropouts and the derailleur sheared right off - handlebar was snapped off at the stem and broken in two places...talk about taking one for the team!! - I used that bike as my touring rig and have ridden it all over the world - now it's hanging in my garage as a memorial of sorts I guess... I'm not going to complain though - you got it a lot worse than me and I sincerely feel for you - it's just sad when we can't even ride around our own neighborhood without taking our life in our hands - this is just fucking ridiculous - we shouldn't have to be put at such risk...but, you know the story... Here's wishing you the best - let's heal quickly and look forward to next season!! - Cheers.

Glad to hear you're still with us.

Let's keep it safe out there folks.

Plane. Building. New York.

No shit. Story here.

And hey, at least "Dennis Hastert didn't kill anybody."

Yes, let us compare this to what Ted Kennedy did back in 1969. It was only, um, thirty seven years ago. Still relevant if you're pointing fingers at a Democrat, right boys?  Anything, it seems, is better than being stuck talking about a Republican like Foley.

I've read and heard so much bullshit about how this is really the fault of Democrats it makes my head spin.  Where does it end?

And did you catch Bush's press conference this morning? If you're like me, a political junkie laid up at home with all kinds of time, I'm sure you did.  If you missed it, you really didn't miss much of anything.  Same old desperate horse shit, yadda yadda yadda. 

In other news: North Korea has gone nuclear.  And it's all Clinton's fault.  Whatever.

Funny thing about blaming it all on Clinton and his policies, you end up admitting that your boy wonder Bush and a Republican majority in the House and Senate couldn't make things right with the six years they had to work with.

It's not as if Bush just came into office and needs to get his people and programs up and working.  It's not as if he's working with a hostile legislative branch that fights his every move.  He's had six years to get it together.  A term and a half too far I suppose.

And then you have the fact that it didn't quite play out the way these bozos are laying it out now. Check it. Read this too. And this.

I had better change my style up or Snake will never read my site again.

We'll miss ya, Snake.  Good luck in Tucson.

Today's links with a whole lotta youtube:

[fucking hoff-style] youtube.com/watch?
[album covers battle] collegehumor.com/video:1712031
[good old foley] youtube.com/watch?
[bike lockers] kcbike.info/2006/09/27/bike-lockers-for-blue-springs
[girl on bike one] voy.voyeurweb.com
[girl on bike two] voy.voyeurweb.com
[tour de france 2003 / kraftwerk] youtube.com/watch?

Ok, let's check out some emails and shit like that.

From: Lovedog Subject: accident Jonny, just rode past your accident site.....it is the last guardrail section, about 20-30 meter uphill from the blue paint from recent surveying. you can faintly see the tire marks swerve into the bike lane and then faintly exit (rt tire) across the white line, but the left tire exit (in the car lane) is really dark.

Funny thing is, I know exactly where he's talking about. There is only one place on that stretch of roadway that had anything even remotely resembling tire marks like that. I stood in that spot long enough to see which way the wind blew and then I just kept on walking.

One last one coming at ya tonight from another damaged drunk cyclist. 

Broken but unbowed.

From: Joshua Subject: dewd I ride past the spot where I got hit fairly frequently... maybe that's really dumb but its a part of the local bike route.... I bet in a week thousands of so cal street surfers go on this route i've seen tinker on it a few times... here's what I remember... not shit... I remember opening my eyes and an off duty cop is helping me... he's stopping traffic 2 lanes each way open median so I'm thrilled since mofos go 50 in the 40. next chick that rolls up a RN. I'm fucking hurting like hell my cd player with 45 second anti skip is playing, fucking sony, headphones still in my ears. I have some bullshit ragin bc I am finishin up 6 hours and trying to hammer the last hour... so i'm on my back mad police everywhere ambulance fuckers asking me questions I can't answer... they are taking shit outta my jersey pockets... ok middle pocket cd player... fuck an eh glad to not be laying on that... rt pocket some food or wrappers or whatever.... left pocket... i try desperately to not let these guys have it... fucking cops i'm telling myself... I smoked my last bowl of weed (like i had been saving this shit for three days so I could have fun in the mtns) outta my pipe 30 min into the ride... 4.5 hours later after being up in the mtns not seeing a car for 3 hours I get tagged and all I have is my bowl in a ziploc.... they take it out and look at each other... one says to the other... maybe it helps they put it back in my pocket and I go the hospital. I pass it off to my sister when she gets there, my parents are there and they would flip... you get the idea no one finds out that shouldn't except these two paramedics. cops everywhere at this point it all hurts less, umm not really but the not getting busted is nice. they asked me when I smoked since I have no nug i'm like um 4 or 5 hours ago... they are like yea right... I'm like no really... we go over where I went they just look at each other and are like fuk that's a crazy ride its a solid 40 min dh at over 40 mph the whole way I get wrecked 15 miles from the bottom of the descent they don't test on that shit. I'm still 15 miles from home. Here's my point... I know you are wrecked. You hurt like shit. and shit is depressing. I drank way to much also... I went to the doc... I went to 3. they all told me I was fucked up... my arm was at my elbow so fucked up they said that shit wouldn't do this and that... let me tell you... I never believed them. I told all of them to fuck themselves. I did my own rehab. my elbow was pushed out from the bottom over 2 inches.. ligaments and tendons all fucked up. I am way stronger than most people you will ever know. Last year I was trying to get back into competitive swimming I was lifting weights a lot and shit. I should have used them "other drugs" even with my elbow like that its not perfect but its strong as shit. I'm not bragging but the most important thing is believe you will get better, take steps to make yourself better and it will happen. doctors are mostly pussies. push hard on your PT so hard you cry and you will do better than they ever thought possible. I'll come out there and help... serious. You don't have to act this way. You don't have to be a fairy bouncing around all happy. Just believe it. believe you will ride again. believe you will do leadville again. believe you will be a bad ass like always and it will happen, you will make it happen or i'll come beat your ass and get you better. I know where you live bitch.... now for the porn and none of that gay shit you have linked... did you really link male homo porn? i'm drunk and i haven't read this but its supposed to be encouraging... I had a hour long ride home from work. I drank 7 ounces of sky vodka on the way. I've been drinking since before I got off work... that was 6 hours ago and I cant see straight. but keep us updated and believe. I believe I can still go out and score 3 good looking chicks tonight... Will I even remember if they were good looking?

Today was the last day of physical therapy on my ankle. Now I have to wait until next wednesday the 18th to go see the back doc again. Maybe he'll tell me good things and get me out of this damn brace.  And, hopefully, I can start rehabbing my back.  It's going to be a tough one. Way harder than my pussy ankle injury. This one is going to be the real deal.  And the potential deal breaker.  This will tell me how much riding I'll be doing in the coming years.

After my session, I drive out on Lake Mary today to try and find the spot I got hit. I don't know why really, just figured it was time to go stand there.  I have no memory of the accident itself, so I'm not sure where it even happened. Perhaps that's for the better anyway. So, I parked the car and walked the stretch of road where the police report says I got tagged. I had also heard from a few friends that came by while I was being loaded into the ambulance gave me a pretty good idea about the location, on the uphill side of the last roller heading back into town.

I walked the whole damn hill top to bottom. I was out walking for a half hour, up and down the road.  I didn't see any skid marks, broken bike stuff, or any indication where it might have happened. And I don't remember anything.

I had a had time when cars would come up on me and I'd go way wide, off into the weeds, etc, ten feet off the pavement. I must have looked pretty spooked out as one guy slowed down and asked me if everything was all right.

I lied and said everything was fine.

Links:

[go eagles] eagles.aolsportsblog.com
[gasoline price manipulation before the elections] lewrockwell.com (<--update: link fixed -->)
[more toto] nyvelocity.com
[blog] thesteevo.blogspot.com
[airplane sex guide] sextutor.com/plane
[pirates of the mediterranean ] drunkcyclist.com/forum/...
[blog] colabike.blogspot.com
[oh my] eyeofthestorm.blogs.com/i_dont_know_why

Here's a few email for ya:

From: Grumski Subject: Driver Problems I once saw a courier in London with the coolest solution to asshole drivers. Remember these daft reflector loolypops that used to flick out from the side of your bike ? He had one that was set even further out and fixed to a can of fluorescent paint. If anyone got close enough to hit it, it depressed the nozzle on the can, and hey presto they had a fluorescent stripe down the side of their car. When I saw it work I laughed so hard I fell off, but you’ve gotta love it, silent revenge……………..

Well, that would certainly get the job done.

From: Kenzan Subject: Violence against drivers. BJ=- The guy in seattle could take a hint from a friend of mine from Austin. People used to try to run him off the road, he would put his U-lock into their windshield and ride away. Us in NYC, We carry that 3ft, 7lb Kryptonite chain with the Mini-U on the end. I've seen them unleashed on cars and peds who get in the way, and the result is satisfying in such a purely evil way. As soon as a guy gets out of his car, you should have that chain off, and swinging. For extra fun, leave the lock open. Remember, aim for the knees, hips, headlights, wind shield, or just any hood, front panel, or rear view that you can get to. Protect your own and they will protect you. P's and C's Bruce Lee.

That would certainly get the job done.

From: Mark Subject: Protection on the bike Big J- I read the email you posted about the guy needing 'protection' on the bike. Well, I too have grown tired of shitheads getting out of their rolling deathboxes thinking they want to fight with a guy in lycra. I started carrying a 21" collapsible ASP Police baton. When in it's compact arrangement, it's 7.75" long and fits neatly in a jersey pocket. Little more than a flick of my wrist and I have a steel, 21" wrecking machine in my hand. True story... I had a guy get out of his truck to make his point about two weeks ago. I let him get about an arm's length away and then I popped the baton out of my pocket and snapped it open. He suddenly had some sort of epiphany, or as alcoholics call it, 'a moment of clarity', backed away, and got back in his truck. There were no words spoken other than me calling him a pussy. Here's where I got mine... securityprousa.com/collapsible...baton... No need to be a cop to order... Maybe a few collarbones get cracked, or a knee gets a good Sopranos job done to it and people might think twice about accosting a guy on a bike!

Um, yeah, certainly going to get the job done.

Oh hell yes. The Eagles just tuned up the Cowboys something proper. And I couldn't be happier about it.  Four and one in week five?  I'll take it.

The Birds are on top of the NFC East.  For how long, I don't know. But I'm just going to roll with it. 

People are called the Eagles the "second best" team in the NFC right now, behind the undefeated Bears.  And the Bears face the Cards in Monday night next week, so I imagine their going to head out of Phoenix still undefeated next week.

Yeah, we'll see about that.  Anything can happen, especially when a team comes in expecting an easy win.  That will always kill you.

I've never put much stock an undefeated season anyway.  This ain't college ball.  Why even try?  You're going to loose sooner or later.  Better now than later.

The way I see it, if you loose one to a division rival early on, it keeps you focused.  Keeps you hungry.  Because you know a team that plays as well as the Giants, well, they are going to be in the hunt come the playoffs.  Its better be playing well at the end of the season, to ramp up the intensity then, rather than winning your first ten or twelve games and worrying about maintaining that winning streak. 

Better to have a few loses under your belt and the team playing hungry than be undefeated and exhausted when it really matters.  Remember Pittsburgh last year?  They had what, five loses coming into the end of the year?  They needed to win every week there at the end.  And you know what, they did.  And it was exciting as hell.

So I'll take that loss to the Giants. 

Today's links:

[pines to the mines] payntake.com/pines.htm
[you're joking?] fleshbot.com/sex/news/crissy-moran-finds-jesus
[crissy's blog] blog.myspace.com/yourfriendcrissy
[the bush family enabler] playboy.com/go/blog/magazine
[bush' blunder in north korea] blog.washingtonpost.com

Today's email:

From: Daniel Subject: RE: Cars suck Last year I had some asshole in a (whatever BF Lincoln SUV it is) run up on me while I was doing the speed limit. 25mph+, flat and kickin'. I'd like to see his fat as do that. Anyway, he rolls by almost clipping me with his mirror, so I respond in kind with a solute only a cyclist gives. He hits the brakes and stops. I decide today might be the day and roll right up to the passenger window. He tells me I need to get out of the road. I respond with the laws pertaining to bicycles in Rutherford county and TN. (He has no idea the education I have, I am an LCI so there is no way he can respond). Then I notice his children in the back seat and his wife is getting kinda upset. So I took the opportunity to ask him what kind of example he is being to his children. That dude turned fucking fire engine red. His wife put her hand up to him to shut him up, looked and me and said, "God bless you" and instructed him to move along which he did. Never saw him again.

Good looking out on that one.

From: Greg Subject: Bumper stickers Bumper sticker observed on the rear of a monster truck driven by a youngish woman with monstrously big blond hair @ about 6:30 am one Sunday morning as leaving Spokane for a big ride in the mountains along the Idaho Montana border: "Fuck You You Fucking Fuck." Says it all, really.

Of for fucks sake...

One more and I'm out.

From: Lukas Subject: Two wheeled love machines Jonny, Now that your e-mails may have slowed up a bit, I would like to send some love your way man. What happened to you is fucked up and needs to fucking stop soon. I hope that everything is moving towards a full recovery and that the bastard that hit you gets hit with everything they can give him plus I hope he actually feels bad about what happened. In a lot of cases in my old neck of the woods most drivers who hit cyclists won't even admit they did something wrong and tend to blame the cyclist for everything. Anyways below is a little something I wrote a while back that I think you would like. Peace. Bikes. and Revolution. “The nail that sticks up gets hammered down.” ---Propaghandi. The everyday life of the bicycle commuter consists of being hammered down. Every morning cyclists arise with idealism broiling in their blood. As they enter the jungle of the world they become aware of the pressures of modern society. They stick up all around the globe, two wheels and no windshield is our revolution. I say we applaud those who are out there fighting against the beast. There should be a society committed to bicycle commuters, a system that supports those who are willing to give the middle finger to our current transportation crisis. What better way to bring about serious change in this fucked up world? My opinion may be a bit jaded, as I am a commuter. The fact still remains, life is better when more people pedal instead of driving. The sky is bluer. We all breathe easier. Children smile faster and puppies run freely. The world could be beautiful if we just got out of our four-wheeled pollution spewing coffins and traveled by our own power. Driving a car is like being a crack whore. The first few times it’s enjoyable and exciting but the longer you do it the more it consumes you. I guess there still is hope out there. Every morning I awake with idealism broiling in my blood and I pedal my way to work. The way is littered with nails that have been hammered down, but most importantly there are still some that are sticking up. Peace. Love. And Revolution, or something similar.

I'm going to go see the Cardinals play at home tomorrow against the Chiefs. I expect the Cardinals to do nothing impressive. I may be surprised. It is rookie Matt Leinart's first NFL start against a Kansas City squad who has seen better days. Anything can happen in a new stadium. Or so I'm told.

Of course I've also been told you can put a dress on a pig.  But it's still a pig.

That and the Eagles face off against those shitbag Cowboys in Philadelphia. I've got money riding on the game. Most times the winning strategy is to watch my stupid ass and bet exactly opposite. You can't lose 'cause I can't win. (reminder to self: bet with head, not with heart, head not heart) We'll see how that goes.

I am kinda sad to miss that one, even if I would be watching it on t.v. with the boys down at one of our local and illustrious sports bars. Nothing quite like draft beer and bad food mid-day with fellow Philly sports fans who are as jaded as I am. And in some cases, even more jaded that I am. You see, when the Eagles lost to the Raiders in Super Bowl XV I was all of ten years old. 

I can remember watching the game, I can remember being disappointed, but it wasn't the same as Super Bowl XLI in 2005.

The first one hurt, but the second one killed me.

Today's links:

[ghost bike] seattlepi.nwsource.com/local/235063_ghostbikes03.html
[fuck the cowboys] deserteaglesnest.com/media/fubig.jpg
[blog] bubsers.typepad.com/epistemic
[oh god damn it] phillysucks.com/eaglessuck.html

Go Cardinals.

Happy Friday everyone.  And good luck to all of you that signed up for the Tour of the White Mountains. It kicks off this weekend.  And I'd be there with you if it wasn't for my little "accident".

But, ya'll pretty much already knew that one, didn't ya? I guess I'll have to find something else to occupy my time.

Something else like checking out the fall color. Big Pun is out of town, and I can walk around in the woods without being openly mocked.  At least until he returns.

Enough of that crap, here is tonight's link offerings:

[how to hypnotize a man] vili.us/hypno.html
[what else are they hiding?] cafepress.com/whatelsearethey
[oh god damn it] nytimes.com/2006/10/06/realestate/06havens...
[blog] lukasandveronica.spaces.live.com
[everybody wants to touch lance] chron.com

And now some email for you porn addicted sickos.

From: Swill Subject: Oil prices Jonny, It's not the Bush administration that is directly manipulating the price down, but rather Big Oil who are bringing the price down. They are worried that their guys in government are going to get booted out in November, oversight committees will actually be formed and the "fuck-the-american-consumer-in-the-ass" gravy-train will end.

Somehow I find that more believable. Completely evil, absolutely cruel, but believable.

Go figure.

Bike down:

From: David Subject: another one dies A girl got hit by a van and killed last week 4 blocks from my house in West Seattle. 7:30 in the morning on her daily bike commute to her job at REI. Left a husband and grieving family. Went to the vigil. The Critical Mass group showed up and we had several hundred strong gathered in a empty lot on a busy road. seattlepi.nwsource.com/local/287110_bicyclefatal Check this out: I was riding a lonely road in to the office early on a Sunday morning a few weeks back. A guy swerves into the bike lane, (an actual bike lane with white lines and the little rider insignia painted on the road) I yell and pound on the window and he veers back into his lane. i flip him off and he accelerates and flips me off and rolls down his window and yells at me not to hit his car. I stop and tell him to fuck off, he gets out of the car walks over to me, I throw my bike against the grill of his car, he walks up and pushes me back. With a heavy backpack and cycling shoes I'm not doing too good on my feet. I'm at a loss now. The guy almost runs me off the road and then has the gall to get out of the car and push me around. Unbelievable. A cop down the street saw us yelling and walked over (thank god) and the guy turned all nice and said he was making a u-turn and didn't see me. What is this world coming to? I just had twins 4 months ago. I sometimes wonder if it's worth it. Its a high price to pay (as you very well know) for the privilege of riding your bike down the street. My wife thought I should velcro a mace stick to my top tube in case I run into something like that again. I was thinking a concealed weapons permit for a gun or knife but mace makes the most sense. Gotta love commuting in a big city. The crazy thing was this was early on a sunday morning with no one around. Had to vent, sorry for the long winded email. Keep it rolling/ Hope the rehab is coming along quickly. Best thoughts for a fast and full recovery for you. I can't imagine what you went through and are going through but if there's anyone that come all the way back it's you big Jonny!

Just caught this one, figured I'd post it for ya:

The 2007 USA Cycling Professional Tour February 18-25: AMGEN Tour of California - California April 14: USA Cycling Open - Richmond, Va. April 16-22: Tour de Georgia - Georgia June 3: Commerce Bank Lancaster Classic - Lancaster, Pa. June 7: Commerce Bank Reading Classic - Reading, Pa. June 10: Commerce Bank International Championship - Philadelphia, Pa. June 17: Austin Men's Invitational - Austin, Texas June 23: Saturn Rochester Twilight Criterium - Rochester, N.Y. August 12-19: Larry H. Miller Tour of Utah - Utah August 19: USA Cycling Professional Criterium Championships - Downer's Grove, Ill. September 1: The Cliffs USA Cycling Professional Time Trial Championships - Greenville, S.C. September 3: The Cliffs USA Cycling Professional Road Championships - Greenville, S.C. September 8: Univest Grand Prix - Souderton, Pa. September 11-16: Tour of Missouri - Missouri September 15: Tour de Leelanau - Traverse, City, Mich.

That's about it for tonight. Later.

There was a Gallop Poll last month where 42 percent of respondents said they believe the Bush administration "deliberately manipulated the price of gasoline so that it would decrease before this fall's elections."

I heard the same sentiment from a called in NPR the other morning, a gentleman in Michigan was sure it was some kind of artificial force shoving the price per gallon down. Yeah, down for now, and it will skyrocket again later once the bums are back in office.

People actually believe this.

I'm no fan the Bush Presidency, which anyone who reads the site already knows. But this is one is a bit much for me. Could Bush Co. possible get it together enough to pull something like this off?  Push down the price of gas to trick people into voting Republican?  It's just to much for me to get my mind around.

Of course, if one expects nothing but the worst, anything short of that seems just great.

Tonight's humble link offering:

[patriot registration] whitehouse.org/initiatives/patriot
[bush pilot biking] video.google.com/videoplay?...
[going big redux] hcn.org/servlets/hcn.Article?article_id=16535
[race series] nycross.com
[gorgeous george can't buy luck at roubaix] youtube.com

If you're like me and you just caught Keith Olbermann's closing monologue on the Countdown, you fixed yourself up a stiff cocktail before you headed upstairs. You can view it now on the msnbc webpage, just look for the video clip titled "Special comment on lying".

Sorry, but I can't find a nice clean direct link. I'm sure it'll be splashed all over youtube by this time tomorrow.

And finally, some sad news out of the Valley, David McHugh has passed away. I first met him when he rode for the shop I worked at, Domenic's Cycling Imports.  He was a nice guy, always real friendly and upbeat. The kind of guy you looked forward to seeing.

From: Ham Fist Subject: David McHugh Hey jonny, glad your doing better man, on a sadder note thought you might want to say something about Dave, he use to ride for the big D, he had heart problems and even with a pacemaker he continued to compete, he was just getting ready for an Ironman race in april when he was out running monday and his ticker stopped, he was only 29 but had a lot of plans to promote awareness for his type of heart condition. It's real sad man, I just rode with him a week prior to this. I forwarded you a pic and stuff, take care and Hope your back on the bike soon. Later, HAMFIST

Yeah, that boy will be missed.  He was one of the good guys. 

My heartfelt condolences to his friends and family.

I will post any information regarding memorial services, rides, etc, as soon as I receive it.

Hump Day. Just glorious. Just glad to be here. Thank you, no really, thank you.

Tell ya what, check out these Phloyd iCheat shirts. The doping backlash continues, eh?

Some people have asked where all the porn went. It is now all over at the DC Porn page. Yep, all kinds of links. All the ones that used to be along the right hand side of the main page and a few more to keep ya busy. I even added some gay content and porn blogs 'cause some folks want to see it. Whatever trips your trigger is fine with me. And, anyway, who the hell am I to judge the people that visit this website?

I mean, I start actually concerning myself with anyone that would find what I do entertaining, and I'll end up living in a cave on the side of Mt. Elden and diggin dinner out of a dumpster. That and I would refuse to join any club that would have someone like me as a member.

In other DC news; I re-upped the stock of drunkcyclist.com stickers. Just in case you need one for your ride.

Today's utterly worthless link offerings below:

[hubless] emresaglam.com/blog/haber.php?id=183
[wtf] clitoraid.org/news.php
[interbyke ass] nyvelocity.com/content.php?id=1074
[the suspicious looking device] junkfunnel.com/sld/
[bikin' dirty video] youtube.com/watch?v=PJnYVm4iaqc
[Project Rwanda] velonews.com/tech/report/articles/10960.0.html
[check it] killacyclist.com

Right to the email:

From: Tony Subject: Jonny '08 Yo Jonny, After reading your post from Friday about the donkeys and elephants that say they'll keep us safe from terror, I must agree with you 100%; I'm not so concerned with terrorists. Like you, I'm concerned about cars (mostly being hit by one), amongst other things of course, like the price of a new wheel set. But, since every other candidate is pledging safety, along with yourself, and I'm not really big on anyone who currently might become president, I've decided to write you in. As far as I can see, you have one major thing going for you... you aren't a big lying sack of shit. Oh, and I'm also worried about Jesus Camp.

Is this the start of the Jonny '08 write in campaign? Well, what the hell. Frank Zappa still pulls numbers, and he ain't even breathing. I could do at least that good.

Oh my god, gettin robbed, reach for the small, atomic dog...

All that and then some. Check out the new wrench science site. You can build your dream bike. Even when you're like me and can't afford shit.

And what in the world is this one all about?

"The theory goes this way: The athlete puts a little of the powder in the pockets of his pants. Before urinating, he puts his fingers into it, and urinates over his fingers at the control, so that the enzyme is mixed with his urine in the container. This little amount is sufficient to destroy the protein, and therefore the EPO, in the urine..." from cyclingnews.com

I mean, you gotta be shitting me with that one. It's so damn simple. Of course people will try it. Why not?

Links:

[the word on the street: morphine in tour] martindugard.com
[read] jameshowardkunstler.typepad.com/clusterfuck_nation
[the sex strike] independent.org/newsroom/article.asp?id=1820
[off the hook] bikemag.com/features/events/mpm06/video/
[things non-cyclists might not understand] crazybikerchick.blogspot.com
[funky yet spooky] youtube.com/watch?v=NUu0nKy57hI
[brutal] cnn.com/2006/LAW/09/29/inmate.tattoo.ap/index.html

I am pleased to announce the birth of Jason and Marsha Tullous's first child:

From: Legs Lehman Subject: Liam Tullous is in the house 7 lbs 12 oz, healthy baby and mom! Please spread the word to the Flagstaff crew.

Just keep that kid away from my daughter!

From: RIDECLEAN Subject: Intro The Current State of Cycling: When the largest U.S. Cycling publication runs a headline titled: Dark Days, its time for a movement like RIDECLEAN! RIDECLEAN was founded to promote clean cycling with the hope of reconnecting the discouraged and disillusioned with the romanticism and pureness of our beautiful sport. The goal is to rediscover these elements of cycling that we've fallen in love with. Partially inspired from the Smashing Pumpkins' "This Time" off of Machina, specifically the lyric: "with every chemical you trade a piece of your soul", Albert Einstein, and all that cycling has endured in recent years, the concept of RIDECLEAN extends beyond cycling. The focus is not about being against something negative, but for something positive. Because we are all in it together to contribute in our own ways and as Albert Einstein said: "Life is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance you must keep moving." To extrapolate this further, to keep your balance in life, one must RIDECLEAN!

I have to agree with that one.

And now, on to booze...

From: Erik Subject: IMPORTANT LIQUOR ALERT ****ALERT***** THIS IS NOT SPAM THIS IS AN IMPORTANT ALERT Beverages And More, a California chain, has opened a store at Exit 159 in Phoenix. It is an extremely cheap place to buy good booze and beer. Sample prices on 10/2/2006: Fat-Tire twelve pack: $9.99. One-liter bottle of Cointreau: $38.00 (vs. $19.99 for 375 ml at Frye's). Lagavulin 16 year old scotch: $65.99 (It's over a hundred bucks at Plaza Liquors). Talisker 25 year old cask-strength scotch: $189.99. (Let me know if you buy this.) Of course, most normal people would gladly pay $200 not to drive to Phoenix, so you do have to plan accordingly.

They have 10 year Glenmorangie for $39.99. Nice.

Happy Monday everybody. Tonight we have the Eagles vs Packers. A lesbian grudgefest if ever there was one.

Why is it I can't write anything about football without cracking gay jokes? Maybe it's best not to answer that one.

I'll just let you guess.

On to Bush. Check out this one from Keith Olbermann. Want my two cents? No? Too bad. Snake, I know you hate this shit, you can just scroll down to the links with your good hand.

Bush Co. wanted nothing to do with anything Clinton did or said. Any of Clinton's policies or personnel were to be ignored and marginalized. The incoming administration actually believed the "wag the dog" hypothesis; that Clinton was drumming up terrorist threats to try and get his personnel problems off the front page. Or at least below the fold.

And why did men like George Bush and Dick Cheney believe Clinton was exaggerating terrorist threats in an attempt to spin the media? Because they knew that is exactly what they would do in the same situation.

They came in thinking it was all spin, all nothingness, just so much vapor without substance or relevance. They didn't care what people like Richard Clarke had to say. He didn't matter. He was part of the past. Cabinet level counter-terrorist people? That was so last year. They were moving forward and working to distance themselves as much as possible from anything that even remotely smelled "Clinton".

So there was no follow up on the USS Cole. There was no concern about al-Qaeda. No worries about a presidential daily briefing with the headline 'Bin Laden Determined to Attack Inside the United States'.

Why? Cause Clinton and everything he stood for is shit. We're not taking any direction from the likes of him. We're ringing Honor and Dignity Back to the White House.

"The new administration seems to be paying no attention to the problem of terrorism. What they will do is stagger along until there is a major incident and then suddenly say, 'Oh my God, shouldn't we be organized to deal with this...''' Paul Bremer February, 2001.

Yeah, that Paul Bremer...

Links:

[great divide route] geronimok.blogspot.com/...steevo-is-crazy
[end of the world box] comics.com/comics/pearls/...
[gnome fest] bikeblackribbon.com
[fuck matt foley] abcnews.go.com/images/WNT/02-02-03b.pdf
[biker down] 327words.blogspot.com/2006/09/critical-mass.html
[biker down] desmoinesregister.com
[biker down] zwire.com/site/...

From: Big Gay Randy Subject: Party in the Mecca Hey Jonny, Big party in the mecca to celebrate new owners at the Chile Pepper Bike Shop. chilebikes.com/tinker.html Spread the word to anyone who likes bikes and beer and ain't afraid to mix the two. We will also be allowing the handicap to just come and just drink so feel free to come. Also flagstaff's favorite band the Shindaggers are coming up to party and play so hop on the bandwagon.

There you have it, BGR has just invited you all to Moab. Each and every one of you worthless bastards. Go forth and conquer, young lions.

From: Rich Subject: "Making us safe" Jonny, I'm right with you on the issue of terrorists -vs- idiots in full-sized pickups and our safety. But more importantly, I think you just came up with a brilliant bumper sticker: "God fucking damn it I am so fucking sick of this shit."

I do have the gift of gab. If nothing else.

From: NellyNel Subject: a question... I wanted to ask you a quick hypothetical question, I'm sure I could dig up some data/stats, but do you think that we're safer driving to a ride/trailhead, or riding there without the auto, all things being equal?Just something I sometimes ponder before I head out... Get well...

I've often thought about the same thing myself. I hate loading up the car and driving to a ride spot when I can get there on the bike in a half hour or so. The whole point is to ride your bike, right? Why bring the car into it? Where I live now we have good mtb action north, south, east and west of town. I can ride in just about any direction and be on dirt pronto. Lots of wide open public spaces. The issue is that some of the loops involve either riding out on pavement or back on pavement. With the damn cars.

And we all know cars are bad.

It kills me. Also, I just thought of this one, I'm not above swinging by a bar or restaurant after a ride with buddies and knocking back a cold draft or two. That would be an all together different thing if all had cars to deal with.

I guess I really don't have an answer for ya.

From: Stephen Subject: post: I was going to post this today on MTB.com, but I like your site better. I will give you first shot: by the way all details in this article are true: Instead of tour de flat in flag it was tour the unending climb for galdor where there's a creature who's name is schmeegle. Unacceptable amt of climbing with no reward? Is it like certain spiritual spots in sedona where the water goes clockwise? I get home and park behind a vehicle that's parked in my spot at my house. Two girls knock on the door and are now in my roomates room sleeping together on his bed. He's in cincinnati for the bungals game. Why not my bed? Now their friend is coming over to stay tonight as well. This could be one of my best nights of my life.

Living the dream, baby. Living the dream.

October first? Already? You gotta be shitting me. Times flies when you're having fun, eh?

Something like that anyway. Well, it's Sunday in this broken cyclist's northland, and that means two things: Fall color and football.

I commented on the turning of the leaves to Big Pun as we drove to watch the games, and he asked me if we were dating now.

Bastard.

Then I got to watch his Raiders loose to the Cleveland Browns. At home. After blowing an 18 point lead.

Closet homos in black tights and spiked shoulder pads across the country wept like twelve year old girls today. Almost makes up for LA taking the wild card from the hapless Phillies. As soon as you read anything like "the Phillies are starting to believe in themselves" in a newspaper article like I did last week, you know it's all over.

In Philly it's been "over" since the 1980's. Ever hear about Billy Penn's hat? That pompous bastard has fucked us hard. Or maybe we fucked ourselves. Anyway, read on:

In 1894 the William Penn statue was erected at the top of City Hall, looking out over the city of Philadelphia. At the time, city officials agreed with urban designer Edmund Bacon saying "that no gentleman would build taller than the brim of William Penn's hat". That promise was held by officials for the next 90 years. In 1974 Philadelphia was filled with banners and pride, as sports fans celebrated the Flyers' Stanley Cup victory over the Boston Bruins. Philly sports fans continued cheering into 1975 with their second consecutive Stanley Cup honor. The victories continued for Philadelphia sports well into the 80's as the Phillies and 76ers achieved winning records. Finally, the Sixers brought home the NBA Title in 1983 thanks to a legendary team of all-stars including Julius Erving, Moses Malone and others. In March 1984, Philadelphia city officials agree to break the 90-year pact and approve the erection of One Liberty Place. And thus, a pact is broken, a Curse is born. Since 1984 our teams have consistently fallen short. The Eagles have been the only NFL team to lose three consecutive NFC Championship games (two of which were at home!). Last year, our Flyers endured a heartbreaking loss to the Tampa Bay Lightning, who went on to win the Stanley Cup. The Phillies have floundered. The 76ers are flat-out lousy. We even missed an opportunity for horse racing's Triple Crown as Smarty Jones gives up the lead in the final stretch of the race. None of Philadelphia's major sports franchises have won a championship in the last twenty years... since the Curse.

I found that over in the phillydad.blogspot.com archives.

But, Billy Penn's god damn hat aside, I will say the fall color is is nice. Aspens in full fall splendor are a sight to behold.