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|
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Yippie Kay-A. We're into the meat of the week. I'm already out of
vodka, the wine selection is dwindling to nothing and there ain't any
beer in the fridge.
And it's all of Tuesday up in this piece.
At this rate I'll never make it to Friday.
[punk rock] thefilthandthefury.co.uk
[hst] gonzostore.com
[bikes] ezprezzo.com/crazypics/freaky_bikes.html
[tpm] talkingpointsmemo.com/archives/007756.php
[wtf] wimp.com/bleaching
[look] lukechueh.com
[dick] quailhuntingschool.com
Question: Does drunkcyclist "commodify" the "bike culture"?
I can't answer the question because I have no idea what it means. Seriously.
Check these two links for a little background on the current debate:
suckapants.com/2006/02/brooklyn-vs-brokelyn.html
adrants.com/2006/02/bike-culture-cry-babies-get-pissed-over
Here's another question: Why does some idiot always have to drop a
line like "Oh, and by the way, roads were built for cars" at the end
of their little rant? Is it to show me, once and for all, that the car
is mightier than the bike? That I need to get out of his way? That bicycles
are something that shouldn't have to be tolerate? That driving around
a cyclist is somehow beneath him?
And, of course, the statement is rubbish. Roads have been around a
lot longer than either the car or the bicycle. Road were build for horses,
cars, wagons, buggies, and plain old walking. Then came bikes. And after
bikes came cars.
It's not even a debatable point. There are road that were build by
the Romans that are still around. Bicycles existed well before automobiles.
It's some weird "I'm still tough like I was in high school" thought
process I can't get my head around. And what am I even talking about?
Bikes belong.
The whole thing is probably there just to piss me off and point a ton
of traffic at that website. Whatever. You win, fuckstick. You undoubtedly
have a fridge full of lager. You bastard.
Another fine quote from the suckapants link: "…and the fixed gear
comment. i mean c'mon. fixed gears have turned into over-compensating
sports cars for hipsters. they just go out and buy cool with their parents
money. someone who builds a bike, now that's impressive. you can't just
go buy that on your lunch break."
Game. Set. Match.
It's sad but true. Fixies are everywhere. And they are about as trendy
as a thing can get. Hopefully, when they suddenly become eclipsed by
a strong resurgence in the populatiry of skate boards or fruitboots
or scooters, I'll be able to pick up mad parts on the cheap as the market
gets flooded with last seasons cool asscory.
Until then we'll still have the fixed
gear gallery
Some guys have all the fun.
| |
From: Response
Subject: no subject
fuck, i got drunk , no i mean really drunk for the 1st time in 3
months. pistol pete came and we got buzzed by choppers twice while
bike riding. once by the marines and once by la mirgra. thats two
more times than i have been buzzed in the last few years. I have
knots on my head, i burned something on my desk, i dined and dashed
at some place, took my high dollar mercedes offroading, and for
some reason i have road rash on my hands and knees (no my butt dont
hurt).
I remember rolling around on wet pavement with some psycho guy,
an innocent bystander and a bartender who was having a birthday.
this morning all of my toys are in order, and there is a $2
bottle of wine sitting on my counter. what the fuck.
i hope i stayed off the phone and didnt send emails. fucking
hung over and hurting, yeah baby. |
Maybe someone out there can help a lady in need.
| |
From: Karen
Subject: pink surly 1 x 1
hi. i'm looking for a pink surly 16" 1x1. the old, super-limited
edition model. i know it's a slim shot. i'm desperate. i was told
to try you, that if anyone would be able to help me--that if anyone'd
be able to get to one--it'd be you. i was told that you have a wide
reach. (does flattery help?)
is there any way you might know how to help me track one down?
please please help me.
~karen d.
gotmilkmen@hotmail.com |
You heard the lady. If you got one you'd like to sell, you found your
buyer.
Another Charity Ride coming at ya. These are the good one, folks. Help
a brother out.
| |
From: Dave P.
Subject:
Jonny!
Loving the site. To all who Livewrong, to do one thing that's
right this year.
I want to put a call out. I am taking part in a charity ride
with Team In Training, a part of the Leukemia and Lymphoma society.
It is a century ride around Lake Tahoe, on June 6th. To take part,
I need to raise over $4,000 dollars, and I'm also trying to get
others interested. I know for a lot of your readers 100 miles
is probably not that big of a deal, but I really only commute
to work, about 6 miles a day, and so I will be training from now
till June to prep myself for this.
If you could just post this email or at the very least, this
link to a site where donations can be made with credit or debit
card and you can also find a link to sign up with TnT here:
active.com/donate/tntcfl/DPaauwe
PLEASE LOYAL DRUNKCYCLISTS! Help me and the rest of the leukemia
and lymphoma society fight cancer and help the victims of it!
There is more information on my site about a specific kid who
lives in my county who is recovering from blood cancer, and he
is going to be my honorary coach for this event. There is also
a link to sign up with Team In Training and to find out more of
what it's about. There are local chapters all over the country.
Team in Training has been around since 1988, and trained well
over 300,000 athletes for endurance events like marathons, centuries,
and triathlons, making it the world's largest athletic training
program. For that reason alone it is worth supporting it! On top
of that, TnT has raised over 600 MILLION dollars since it's inception.
Now that I have found out about it and am stoked to join in,
I hope to be a part of TnT while they raise the next 600 Million.
Thanks Jonny. You are MY next american idol. |
Well, no one has ever told me that before.
If anyone has an event they'd like to list, feel free to hit up the
forum.
The event
calendar section can always handle more.
Fucking Monday again. My arch nemesis.
Got a few hours in the saddle yesterday. More hours in the chamois
than actual ride time, but the Sunday afternoon Stony Baloney rides
in Flagstaff go like that sometimes. Pedal, sit, safety, sit, pedal,
sit, safety, sit.
And so it goes.
Some sad news of of the Northwest today.
| |
From: K. Noble
Subject: Re: In memory of Carey
To all friends of Freeride,
It is with our deepest sorrow that we inform you that our dear
friend and colleague Carey Bokser was tragically taken from us
on Saturday February 25th. Carey was backcountry skiing and died
in a terrible fall.
Carey will be sincerely missed by his friends and family. He
was a beloved character who has touched many people in Canada
and beyond. Our hearts are with his wife Anne and baby girl Noa
in this very difficult time.
Funeral services are scheduled for Wednesday March 1st in Nelson.
Freeride will host an open invitation memorial gathering for all
friends and colleagues in the following weeks. We will send out
an additional email when a time and date is confirmed.
Please direct any correspondence to info@freeride-entertainment.com
Sincerely,
Freeride Entertainment |
Today's Linkfest:
[ugh] velonews.com/news/fea/9550.0.html
[cool] pilderwasser.com/whats_new.html
[big tex] velonews.com/Foothills
Cyclocross Series Colorado 2005
[bush] editorandpublisher.com/eandp/news/article_display.jsp?
[bush] news.scotsman.com/opinion.cfm?id=295142006
[dick] toonedin.com/cheney.html
[ports] dscc.org/news/roundup/20060222_dubai
[badass] movies.crooksandliars.com/cnn_pl_hoop_drea.mov
[rude] rudepundit.blogspot.com/2006/02/pre-emptive-blogging-talking-points
[linked in article above, but damn...] mediamatters.org/items/200602240003
[epo boy returns] cyclingnews.com/mtb.php?id=news/feb28mtbnews
| |
From: Patrick
Subject: Please Help Dr. Felton in His Charitable Cause
I am writing this letter to ask for your help in a cause I feel
strongly about.
I have joined the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society Team in Training.
The Leukemia & Lymphoma Society is a not-for-profit, voluntary
health organization whose mission is to cure leukemia, lymphoma,
Hodgkin's disease and myeloma, and improve the quality of life
of patients and their families. The money that is donated provides
funding for research, public and professional education, advocacy,
patient aid and community service programs.
I am currently training for and raising funds for my participation
in America's Most Beautiful Bike Ride on June 4th 2006 in Lake
Tahoe, Nevada. A century ride is a 100 mile bike ride. My training
will be arduous and completing the circuit will be a daunting
task- the ride starts at an elevation of 6000 feet and some climbs
will take me to 8000 feet. However, my trials and tribulations
are NOTHING in compared to what cancer patients, their families,
their physicians and caretakers face each and every day. As I
have grown older, there have been SO MANY individuals that are
a part of my life who have been stricken with cancer. I have had
the opportunity to share in their stories and their experiences,
both from afar as well as up close and personal.
My father, Roddy, passed away from cancer in August of 2004 after
a 5 year battle. 3 months prior to that, I lost my grandfather,
Joseph, 6 months after his diagnosis. In February of 2005, my
mother, Barbara, was diagnosed with sideroblastic anemia, which
is a precursor to Chronic Myelogenous Leukemia and to date her
treatments are not successful and she is facing either chemotherapy,
a bone-marrow transplant (with me possibly being the marrow donor),
or both. My best friend, Harold Ford, has a father-in-law who
has been fighting cancer for a very long time. I could go on and
on, but I'm sure many of you have similar stories.
Even scarier is that blood-borne cancers are the NUMBER ONE cause
of death in individuals younger than the age of 20. I look at
my beautiful daughters each day and can't bear to face this fact.
I'm sure those of you with children in your life, probably just
read this and shuddered to think of the possibility.
The fundraising goal that has been set is $4900.00. I am asking
each and every one of you to help me in reaching that goal. I
have sent this email to 147 people. If each of you donates $34.00,
I will reach my goal. Please help make a difference in helping
save someone's life. Please visit my donation
page. You can make online donations right there, as well as
view my progress with fundraising.. Also, visit my pledge
page, which has a journal where you can follow my training
progress progress and view photos from my training.
I thank you all in advance for your generosity. Have a wonderful
day!
Patrick M. Felton |
This next one is on the race report tip. Still waiting on one or two
of those outta Snake. Seems he can't type anymore with all this training
bullshit. Well, it's working. The training. The kid is strong this year.
And I'm more than a little bit scared of him.
At least I can still drink him under the table.
Of course, that's what my stupid ass said last year as we were heading
up to Vegas. Then he showed me the bottom of a few glass and a clean
set of wheels. He can put hours into me at Leadville and still drink
to the sun comes up. Impressive. Very impressive.
| |
From: Brij
Subject: county line report
I think you know some of these folks. Congrats on the baby! Brij
County Line Jamboree #8
25 February 2006
The single speed classic dubbed by Stella Carey as the "World's
Stupidest Bike Race," is a race, on one speed bikes only, from
the northern boundary of Santa Cruz County and Highway 1 to the
southern at the Pajaro River (on the beach). The course starts
on the highway for about ten miles, goes onto the railroad tracks
at Davenport all the way through Santa Cruz, Live Oak and Capitola
and then features about ten miles of beach (an eternity), from
New Brighton to the river-about 40 miles all told.
Down to Bizness
This year there were a few less riders than last-about 55 or
so. Less hoopties and drag; although there were some sweet getups:
David Gill had me fooled for time in his high-fashion sweat suit,
aviator glasses, headband, mustache and special haircut-just legit
enough to completely throw everyone off, well, me at least. The
big boys came to play, professional rider and new emigrant, Barry
Wicks and his buddy, Carl Decker, I hink it was, but I'm not completely
sure. In any case, the pros had folks exclaiming that this had
gotten "too serious"-although Barry Wicks and Co. certainly didn't
take things at all seriously. The usual local all stars were there
too, mostly: two-time defending National Cyclocross Champion,
Justin Robinson, two-time World Single Speed Champ, Stella Carey,
Hilary Daniels, local frame builder and course mastermind, Tall
Rick Hunter, Aaron Kereluk, 24-hour single-speed specialist, Sean
Sullivan, SF's own DFL club, The Bike Church guys, and even other
Oregonians who are not professional cyclists but friendly enough
folk. No directions this year, just peeing and smoking blunts
at the county line in the bushes and a gradual roll out around
12:30 p.m. to coincide with low tide.
Idiot
Now last year we took off like gangbusters with a raging tailwind
and DFL chick bare-breasted salute. This year was downright civil:
no flashing, no breaks, no crashes, just a headwind-inspired trip
to the tracks. Of course when he hit the tracks everything went
crazy: Kereluk is a strong man and thinking cyclist, he led the
way and the rest of us tried to follow. I suppose it's noteworthy
to mention at this point that in honor of the World's Stupidest
Bike Race I performed the World's Stupidest Crash the evening
before. You think you've had a totally lame pile in? I'll see
you and raise you one. All jazzed to go for my second ride on
Phillip Sims' secret-single-speed weapon (a beautiful Hunter with
super-trick parts, seriously the best-riding mtb I've ever been
on) I had it leaned against a stump in my yard. Time to go, I
went for my combo le mans/cross mount and ran up behind it, planted
a foot on the stump and jumped on the bike. No problem, I do this
stupid stuff all the time. This time my hands missed the bars
and my butt missed the seat. If you ride cross you know one has
a lot of momentum on bike mounts and coming off the height of
the stump really increased the force of me flying over the bike
and driving straight down into the ground while my shin scraped
the bars, the stem went into my ribs, and the end of the bars
went into my thigh. Of course I immediately jumped up and tried
to play it off-even though nobody was there to witness the hilarity.
Needless to say by the end of my ride my shin had a bump about
three-quarters the size of my knee and the bruised ribs were starting
to make themselves known. Too lame for words.
So I was in a bit of pain from the night before and realizing
I had picked the wrong gear. Memories of last year's spinning
out on the highway in a 2:1 had overclouded how nice that ratio
was for the tracks and beach. Totally over-geared (in a 36x16),
and a little beaten up, I had trouble staying with the first group
on the tracks any time we lost momentum. After some of the usual
highjinks with people getting stuck on the "wrong side of the
tracks," or on not-so-fast shortcuts through the stinkiest farm
access roads ever, a front group took shape with Los Pros, Aaron,
Justin, a nice guy named Josh, Patrick from DFL, and another local
badass whose name I should know, but don't (and who would've won
according to the ever-humble Justin, had he not flatted just before
the beach-for the second time in three years no less). Rod of
Central Coast Cyclocross promoter fame and I managed to bridge
up on a smooth section of side road dropping Sully in the process.
(Sully had an impressive 5th place at the Old Pueblo 24 hour race
last weekend in Tucson and was probably feeling the effects.)
Thank god we got on and they let up a little. It was great to
follow Wicks and his bro and reassuring when they had trouble
too. But alas, dropped again. I'd get back on where I could turn
the big meat but was hosed anytime it was too soft. This dropping
and getting back on became a real pattern with carnage starting
to set in-Patrick lost his chain trying to scurry across Bay St.
and not get hit (a nice Fred Flintsone save!), Aaron flatted coming
out of Santa Cruz-just as I had caught him on the Boardwalk trestle-as
did said local badass, and the pros, well they decided to turn
back, and in a total Oregonian move (draw your own conclusions)
take a picture with some graffiti writers. Tourists.
The Sound of One Hand Clapping
So Justin was off by himself deserted, meanwhile I took up the
chase. The tracks through the eastside and Capitola inspired good
feelings and words of encouragement to Josh and Rod. Rod and I
hit the beach and he didn't want to play so it was the mind-fuck
section with only Justin's track and a completely insurmountable
lead. I knew what I was in for this year and settled in for one
long hour of sand riding fun. Still it's a haul and I was glad
to see Justin lying on the banks of the Pajaro River after making
it through the runoff sections (nice to rinse the farm sludge
off with clearer contaminated water), a few soft parts, and the
occasional dog or kid fun. Justin had been there "three or four
minutes" (probably more like five or six). Rick Hunter came in
a bit later having fixed a flat and taken a shortcut(?) riding
the rocks/beach starting in Capitola. Los Pros were next popping
wheelies and exclaiming, "That's a lot of beach." Then in small
groups folks finished and made their way back to the Sunset State
Beach parking lot.
Good luck for the Idiot
While I hate to take second at the expense of flats and disinterest,
so it goes.
Next year, biotches. |
Looks like I can write that one down as another race I'll never do.
Cause I'm a pussy, that's why.
| |
From: Dylan
Subject: Litespeed- well sorta
Looks like the Lynskeys are back in business and gonna be just a
few blocks down from their old shit. Maybe ya heard of their first
company; Litespeed? I think Litespeeds now come as standard equipment
on $50,000 SUVs. Just something else those high zoot SUV fucks wont
have a single real need, use, or understanding of. Anyway, they
should be releasing their 1st frames next week. I hope they put
crackspeed to shame and maybe I'll get to ride one really soon since
I'm like two miles from them.
bikeretailer.com
|
I'll leave you all with this one. Good night.
"When the spirits are low, when the day appears dark, when work
becomes monotonous, when hope hardly seems worth having, just mount
a bicycle and go out for a spin down the road, without thought on anything
but the ride you are taking."
- Arthur Conan Doyle, in an 1896 article
for Scientific American.
Het Volk coverage
over at cyclingnews.com.
Here is a bunch more pics from the Old
Pueblo I just got turned on to. If I haven't mentioned it for a
day or two, this event kicks ass. If you're thinking of checking out
a twenty four hour race, either for the first time or seventh, this
is one of the best. Hands down.
You can fall down and find fun at this one. I did. Twice.
And for the ladies out there, more shirtless
Husky. Homeboy is bringing the dessert cart these days. Damn. Long
gone are the days of overhauling me on the climbs. That fat fuck couldn't
get out of his own way.
Good chance I ride up Elden with him tomorrow. And now that I've publicly
taunted him, he'll be looking to kick the shit out of me for each one
of the seven miles till the top of that big bastard.
One in from Case Flakerton:
| |
From: Casey
Subject: Thanks
I had not much at all going for me into that race had it not been
for my tites and the bullshiter. So upon completion of the lap of
my lifetime for druncyclist.com and the spread of democracy, all
I wanted was a little recognition for the dues paid by yours respectfully.
The Jean tites were for you. They represented all that is in
the past. While I do not by any means advocate dwelling on those
days as guiding, I would like to recognize them as defining. Come
to mind are all the days Angela might have wondered, "Where the
fuck is that fucking fuck?" " Oh, he's up at 1429," the answer
might have came. So as a member of your team and squadron of elite
cyclists of yore and yonder, I felt it necessary to yell from
our camp "Whoooooo, Whoooooo, Yheeee-hoooooo, Joonnnnyyyyy!" This
was to conjure memories of the days of yore. "Jonny, come to 1429
and avoid your life! It will be awesome, I promise! We will ride
our bikes into the walls of the house and you are fully allowed
to jam Husky through the ceiling so long as he has helmet donned."
And to rekindle the candles of yore, I felt most obliged to act
a wuss and ride no night laps.
This simple, yet effective means of phsyiopyschosematically conjured
transaction was devised many decades ago to touch upon the nerves
of those who have born children and both love and drink them to
sleep nightly.
I am of thanks. I am not from the Staff of Flags, nor the Ville
of Ashe. I am not from the mountains high, nor the valleys low.
I am from Uranus and the fucking shit of it all in your face 2008.
I will kill you. LIE. I will not.
Happy fathering, Long live 1429.
Love,
Also Dad. |
We did shove Husky through the ceiling, didn't we?
This is how racing
is done.
Linky links.
[pink camo man] probikesupport.blogspot.com
[sad] msnbc.msn.com/id/11552101
[ouch] 2st.dip.jp/bikemovie/src/up7085.wmv
And I'm out to go ride. Imagine that. Me. Riding. A bike. On purpose.
Nothing short of amazing.
Thank God it's Friday.
Full stop.
Husky got all pissed at me because I hadn't mentioned his "outfit(s)"
on the site yet. That kid is off the hook. He ran his first lap wearing
a pair of Fasso Bartolo bib tights over a white, sleeveless, mesh 80's
hair band shirt. Tie that all together (both literally and figuratively)
with a red cowboy style handkerchief 'round the neck and a sporty new
mustache, and you got yourself a winning ensemble.
I don't have any pictures yet, and it's hard to do it justice without
photographic evidence. Between laps he'd stumble around in a pair of
cowboy boots, chest butting compete strangers, yelling about his "buck
seven" lap time. Oh, same pants. All day and all night.
I've never seen anything quite like it.
Till I saw Casey roll out his race kit.
Carrera tights, the ones that look like acid washed denim. Think Chiappucci
circa 1991. Up top, a nice Primal Wear "bullshift" jersey, sleeveless
of course. Top is off with a lime green bandana tied around one leg,
Chachi Arcola style. And a mustache. Got to have the mustache.
Un-fucking-real.
Ok, since I starting typing all this shit, Husky called me to let me
know where I could find pics of his "efforts". Oh my God are they funny.
I'll just dump 'em off below:
Casey
Husky
air one
Husky
air two
Shirtless
Husky
Big
Jonny in a rare moment of inflated tires
Meagan
JS
in style
Koons
Big
Gay Randy
There are probably a ton of pics to laugh at, but I'll be damned if
I'm going to spend any more time trolling through this mess. See the
rest of 'em partypics.com.
Today's lovely link assortment:
[blog] philzajicek.blogspot.com
[stayer] pezcyclingnews.com/?pg=fullstory&id=3798
[cheney] cheneyplaysfolsom.cf.huffingtonpost.com
[hockey] zippyvideos.com/7730074523497386/01-02-09-nottinghamvsheffield
[bike thief] bikeportland.org/bike-thief-wants-job-gets-arrested-instead
[grab ass] news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/americas/4746760.stm
[oh hell] schellsbrewery.com/downloads_card_view.php?id=1vHsk2GhAx
One in from Tall Todd, our African Correspondent:
| |
From: Tall Todd
Subject: more on Ethiopia
Hi All,
Hotmail is impossible in northern Ethiopia, so I am on a new email
for the time being. Please feel free to respond here, but as all
of this country is dial-up, you may not get a reply until I get
to Nairobi!
It's the evening in Bahir Dar and I am feeling run down from
my rest day. While the others have toured monastaries on the lake,
I have been fixing the competitors bikes to keep everything running
smoothly. My rest day will be tomorrow, when they are on the road
for a long stage towards Addis. So far I have broken most of the
major rules of mechanics, such as using a hammer (repeatedly),
grinding new parts out of raw metal, building a wheel with assorted
sizes of spokes, beating wheels against boulders to make them
straight again, etc, etc, etc. Good fun.
We lost Midhat (our Sudaneese guide) at the Sudan border. Myself
and one other staff person waited hours for him to get clearance
from Sudan, only to be turned down repeatedly by the authorities.
It was a tearful good-bye at the border, as he and us had fully
expected him to accompany us through Ethiopia. He vowed to make
it back and join us and he did just that in Gondar as he somehow
reappeared in camp on the morning that we were to depart. He amused
himself by walking around camp with his hood pulled tight, trying
to look as suspicious as possible, only to reveal himself as having
made it in. It looks like he will be riding with us through Ethiopia,
as well as a strong Ethiopian rider named Addis who is from Addis.
We are dealing with the attention in Ethiopia as well as we
can. With no history of colonization, the sight of a group of
white folks wondering about still raises quite a spectacle in
most places. Most of the attention is curiosity, but I have grown
tired of the teenage opportunists who are more than willing to
appoint themselves as my guide if I step out on the pavement.
I can't say I would blame them as this country is amazingly poor
and if I knew as much English as these guys did, I would do the
same.
We are going to set out towards Addis tomorrow and will be there
after 2 100-mile days, followed by a tough day through the Blue
Nile gorge. I am hoping to miss most of the pavement, but am excited
to ride the Gorge. Some of the riders seem to be in the midst
of feeling the grind. One fellow doesn't pack a tube and hitch-hikes
if he gets a flat (or if there is an uphill). Another racer was
finishing in the top 5 daily, but now rides with a chess board
on his rack and comes in last, just before sundown every day after
stopping for about 10 Cokes a day. I have refused to change to
street tires and am only riding the off-road sections. We are
all doing what we can to keep ourselves sane. And we are only
a little over 25% of the way through!
Been watching the Winter Olympics here in our hotel, which is
a nice contrast to having my tent under a palm tree.
Until next time,
Todd |
Z-boy
gave it his all and came in 2.18.54 on Landis yesterday. And Landis
looks like
hell on a tt bike, don't he? I think they should make him an honorary
GABA member with
that classic "missionary" position.
And what the hell do I know? If it goes fast, rock that shit homie.
I'm looking for Landis to do big things this year. Big things.
I will say this: Changing a pinch flatted slime tube at night with
a small flashlight clenched between your teeth is not fun. In fact,
it's is a fucking mess. That green goopy shit gets all over everything.
You're hands, your clothes, everything. Not like it's toxic or anything.
A little anti-freeze never hurt anyone's liver, right?
Whatever.
| |
From: Scott
Subject: Stolen Bikes at Old Pueblo
Big Jon,
This was my 4th year that we have come down from Iowa to do Old
Pueblo - always have a blast (less of one last year in the rain),
but this year on Sat night my Titus was ripped off. It was a blue
ano RacerX100 with all XTR even the wheels. It's a hassle but the
insurance will probably come through. I would just like to see the
people responsible caught so they don't come back next year. Todd
says that this is the first year they have had reports of stolen
bikes. He told us a Blur was taken from the staging area too.
If anyone saw some jerk with a Titus that he didn't have earlier
in the evening, please report it to the Pinal County Sheriff's
Department - case #060219018. 1-800-420-8689.
BTW I got in 3 great laps and wrestled a cholla before my ride
disappeared. |
That sucks. I heard about the theft at some point on Sunday. Totally
and completely fucking lame.
Death to bike thieves.
I feel a whole lot better today. Go figure. Two day recovery from
that one. I felt like I just got back from Vegas. Yesterday I ate about
as much as a human being could possibly eat. And it worked.
I'm alive now.
I've got a new shirt for sale over at the DC
store. I think you're going to like it. Below is a pic I took of
the design. When I hang up the keyboard and give up on this website
shit, a lucrative career in photography awaits me.
Whoever is behind the SSWC 06 in Sweden, email me again will ya? Appears
I lost your first email. Because I'm a retard, that's why.
Lots of racing this past weekend.
Hey look, the DC corporate team came in sixth.
We are card carrying bad asses.
And then some.
Big Gay Randy gave it hell for nine laps in the solo singlespeed class
on a fixed gear karate monkey with drop bars. That got him 28th
place.
My man Kevin from Kona
came down and gave the solo thing a whirl as well. At least his bike
had a freewheel. He told me he wasn't in any type of form, but I see
he's one of those guys that lies about that type of shit. He came in
sixth
with 14 laps.
When I rode solo two years ago, I also came in sixth.
But K-boy turned a few more laps that I did. And I was in the form of
my life with tons of miles under my belt. Him, oh he did it off the
couch.
While we're talking numbers, the course was shorter this year. Not
by much, but it'd make a difference. I had figured once that I rode
something like 197 miles that day. I think it ended up being just shy
of two bills total mileage.
And Kevin figured his at something just over two hundred. Pretty close
I suppose.
But, again, I was in the form of my life and he came off the couch.
All of the results are up here.
Flagstaff's own Lovedog took out the masters
win at the Valley of the Sun stage race for Grand Canyon
Racing. Drunkcyclist is a sponsor of Grand Canyon Racing, so, I'm
stoked. Good looking out, Lovedog.
My man Jake the Snake pulled a top
ten out of his ass. Ninth place at 1:24 back is some good riding
for mid-February. We're looking for Snake to have a very good year.
There is this little thing happening right now over in California.
Some kind of Tour. Anyway, I'm pulling for Phil "friend of drunkcyclist"
Zajicek to crack the top
ten in today's time
trial.
You can view all of the Tour of California stages at cyclingnews.com.
Whatever. Let's get them links up and out the way pronto.
[pics] steephill.tv/grassyknoll/storyboard.php?event=3&filter=9185
[cool] wral.com/family/7293705/detail.html
[blog] crazyshitisee.blogspot.com
[read] msnbc.msn.com/id/10809648
[dick] capitolhillblue.com/artman/publish/article_8184.shtml
An old friend of mine, we'll call him Double A Ron (until something
better in the way of a nickname comes along) just dropped a new site
on the tri-dub: ass-u.com.
This one is not to be missed. The kid's a nut. And you're all going
to love what he's been up to.
Funny thing about twenty four hour races, even when you only ride
two laps, you come home trashed.
I'm about turned inside out today. I tried to put together an update
on Monday, but funny thing about my life lately: A new kid in the house
and suddenly I'm busy all the damn time.
I'm not complaining, it's been pretty damn cool. I'm just saying...
I haven't even bothered to find out where we finished. Maybe I'll take
a look tomorrow. I don't even know if the results are up yet. Whatever.
I can tell you this much: I rode two laps and got five flats. I finished
the first one on a seriously soft rear tire, one I had already stopped
a few times to pump up. I only had one spare tube with me, and this
was the second flat. The first flat one was right early in the lap as
my front tire blew off the rim and I shot off the trail Fred Flintstone
style.
For those not in the know, Fred Flintstone style is when you're straddling
the top tube with both feet slapping on the ground as you run along
trying not to die. Just like Fred drove his car.
The upside was I didn't crash into a big pile of cactus. Which is pretty
much what I though I was going to do there for a minute. Scary shit
when your front tire is halfway off the rim and what's left of the tube
is hanging out and banging off the fork and brakes. As soon as it blew,
the bike immediately went into a right turn with gravel flying everywhere
and shit. I'm surprised I didn't go flying over the bars right and break
my grill on a big rock.
Just call me lucky.
Several hours later, after we worked our way through most of the eight
rider rotation, I was up for another lap. I had already flatted both
my front and rear slime tubes on the first lap. And, the front tube
I replaced went flat in about a half hour after I finished my first
go 'round. That's three tubes in one lap.
Being the really smart mother fucker I am, I started off for my second
lap with two fresh tubes and one, ahem, one spare.
Like I didn't learn shit the first time out.
Second lap. Night. Fun. Railing it. Not ten minutes out. Flat tire.
Again. Change it. Get going again. Pass a bunch of people. Feel great.
Feel the rear tire softening. Curse my life. Pull over, top it off.
At least I had brought a pump with me to supplement the CO2 cartridge.
Give her about 50 strokes. Feels like a road tube. Rock solid. Ride
another ten minutes. Stop and pump it again. Fuck fuck fuck. Everyone
is passing me again. In a word; Frustrating.
Coming down the finishing hill I pinch flat it all to hell. There will
be no more fixing this bitch. I start walking. I'm not even mad anymore.
I'm just like fuck it. I come up on the Solo Ghetto where all the solo
riders stage up with trailside support. I see my man Chris, Flagstaff's
second toughest UPS driver. He's right behind Chaz, who gets the nod
because he's front Detroit. Gotta give the nod to Detroit.
Chris is supporting Deejay Birch, riding another solo bid for victory,
and offers a new tube. I'm almost to the finish so I decline. If I can't
fix it myself, it ain't getting fixed. Chris offers me a beer instead.
And I accept.
Two laps, five flat tubes. Yeah, I set the world on fire this weekend.
List 'o links:
[busted] doucheblogcycling.blogspot.com/2006/02/local-dope.html
[films] bicyclefilmfestival.com/dev
[sweet] ironhymen.com
[off the chart] thesmokinggun.com/archive/0217062contract1.html
[ride] sydneybodyartride.org
[ride pics] sbarhq.fotopages.com
[fucked] crisisgroup.org/home/index.cfm?l=1&id=3953
[cancer] nytimes.com/2006/02/15/business/15drug.html?
[bush] bushin30seconds.org/150
[shit] rotten.com/library/culture/dog-shit
[fun] cockeyed.com
More when I think of it.
I leave for the Old Pueblo on a few hours. Hard to believe this will
be my six time out. Time flies when you're having fun.
Or something like that.
The only part I'm not looking forward to is the drive. I'm pointing
the car south alone this year. Zero fun expected.
It could be worse. I could be peppered with bird shot.
Results from the time trail at Valley of the Sun up over at White
Mountain Road Club. (update: link fixed) (second update: forgot
to upload fix for two days.)
Snake got 8th.
[dick] teambio.org/2006/02/10-ways-cheney-can-kill-you
[dick] thewashingtonnote.com/archives/001253.php
[bush] wimp.com/bushcomedy
[curling] thecurlingnews.com/calendar.html
[gnomes] gnome-fest.net
Oh shitty. Time to pack my bags and get the fuck out of here.
| |
From: Rob
Subject:
Big Jonny,
That was a nice tribute to the Pirate. The morning they announced
his death I was on my way to a cyclocross race in Southern Italy
(I used to live in Naples) and I couldn't believe what I was hearing.
We had a moment of silence before the race for him but the real
impact of his death was watching the huge crowds of fans that turned
out in Cisena for his funeral and watching it covered on RAI (state-owned
TV in Italy.) He was a national hero to them and despite all he'd
been through and was accused of they still held him dear. I've attached
one of my favorite
cycling pictures from my three years in Italy -- I was going
up the climb to watch the finish of Giro stage near Benevento and
this was written on the pavement: Marco ci manchi tanto -- Marco
we miss you much.
Once again, thanks for the tribute.
Matt |
Word.
| |
From: Brian
Subject: Bergman link quality
hey big jonny, long time reader (well, maybe not long, but i dig
the site) first time commenter. tonight i saw the link you had to
the adam bergman letter. i thought that was great. i knew adam,
just a little. a very little. i'm pretty sure he didn't know me.
i lived in iowa city for many years (i'm now in flagstaff) and raced
against adam when he was on grand performance/bianchi out of the
twin cities. he's a super cool guy. very fit and very friendly,
eager to chat in the middle of races and while hanging around at
races. i didn't know him when he made it to jelly belly, though
i was happy for him and liked to follow his results. i was extra
happy because one of my other cycling buds (jason mccartney, now
with discovery) got his big start with jelly belly and i thought
there was a possibility for adam to follow in the same path. maybe
i'm vain, but its cool to say that you've been on group rides and
raced with people who have "made it." i guess i'm just writing to
say that its cool to see people being honest and that i appreciate
you linking it to your site. and for what its worth, i think i can
vouch for adam's honesty just a little bit. i knew him as a fast,
honest, and friendly guy who was willing to share stories and advice
with a much slower rider such as myself, and i think that's cool.
like millar, i hope he gets a second chance cuz he's a super cool
rider to watch. |
You're not vain to mention you've ridden with the fast boys. I still
talk up a storm about the time down in Tucson that I showed that muscle
bound freak Stephan Wesemann a clean set of wheels. I think I send Phil
Zajicek back to the car for a cold drink a few times on that same
ride.
Ok, I'm lying out of my ass. I didn't show anybody anything. I was
so far behind those boys, I was in a different zip code. But I did see
Wesemann as the ride started. And Z-Boy did tell him this was his year
to win Roubaix.
He won Flanders
instead. So Z-Boy was close to calling it.
Ah shit, the Old Pueblo is upon us. Are you ready? I'm not. Good thing
I've put together a "corporate" team this year.
That pretty much means it's a "beer" team.
And that's ok with me.
A big DC tip of the hat, tilt of the glass and pat on the back to Adam
Bergman.
The kid layed it all out on the table. And that is cool with me. It's
the kind of statement I'd like to see more of.
He played, he got burned, and he was honest about it.
My man David Millar did much the same. And I respect both of them for
it.
I'd like to see more of this honesty in the pro ranks. It's a shame
the concept of plausible deniability, or flat out lying, had become
the status quo. That's what works. Deny everything Lie through your
teeth.
We need to reward those to come clean (so to speak). It needs to be
encouraged. We should not condemn those that falter and make an honest
effort to make amends, serve their sentence, and return to the sport.
Otherwise we only reinforce the "lie through your teeth" plan.
'Cause I believe. I believe they're doped to the gills.
I'm not naming names, but you can all read between the lines on that
one.
'Nuff said.
| |
From: Paddy
Subject: Quick story fer ya…
I had to drive down to Hood River OR and back last Thursday to pick
up a salvage titled motorcycle to use as a track only race bike.
5.5 hours down and 5.5 hours back. It was a good deal and I knew
I had to move quickly before the weekend when someone else would
get it. I made out good BTW.
Took the hounds with me and we ate McDonalds on the way down
and back. I ain't talkin' chicken sandwich and salad Micky D's
either. Big Macs and fries all the way, down and back. I can't
even remember the last time I ate McDonalds, but dang does that
crap taste good when you are driving.
Got back to Bellingham at 3am and decided to take the next day
off from work since I had put in about 70 hours the week before
and deserved the break.
That afternoon I went to the Motocross track and started putting
in a bunch of hard laps. After an hour I pulled over with the
worst stomach cramps. The on and off sharp ones just like the
stomach flu. I figured I was due to get sick since I have been
burning both ends with work lately and riding a bunch and everyone
else around me being sick, so I loaded up and went home.
Got home and ran inside to the bathroom knowing a full load of
the squirts was waiting. There is a scale next to the toilet and
I have always been curious about dysentery, dehydration and body
weight, so I pinched for another second and weighed myself before
having a seat. 196lb.
No squirts. Just wave after wave of fluffy muffin batter. Felt
like I was making peanut butter cookies for a political convention.
I realized after about the 5th wave that I no longer had cramps
and no other flu type symptoms. After proper moon taping I took
a look at my work. The mound was actually an inch or more above
the waterline. The bathroom smelled like french fries. I weighed
in. 193lb. A THREE POUND SHIT!!!!!!!
Ronald Mcdonald, you are an @$$hole. |
Er, what exactly is a "moon taping"?
Better yet, don't tell me. It'd ruin the moment.
Today's link offerings:
[game] pepere.org/flash-development_1_3x/flash-game-world-archoon
[bush] motherjones.com/commentary/columns/2006/02/bushworld.html
[annoying] news.com.com/Create+an+e-annoyance,+go+to+jail/html
[bush] villagevoice.com/news/0606,sottile,72040,6.html
[sweden] wcbstv.com/business/finance_story_039071248.html
[scary game] fun.sdinet.de/flash/games/lab.swf
[dick] blog.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=blog.view
[watch] video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-5137581991288263801&q=loose
[chappaquiddick] wolfblog.net/index.php/2006/02/16/chappaquiddick
[more blog] wolfblog.net
Ah damn, if it ain't Nathan
Mitchell looking all grown up and shit. Why, I remember him when
he was… Yeah. I remember him coming in the bike shop I worked at when
he was 14.
Kinda makes me old, don't it?
Good times. The kid is going places. And he's one of the good ones.
And two new ones from Tall Todd, our African correspondent:
| |
From: Tall Todd
Subject: Khartoum
Hi all, Not as much to report. The last few days have been a bit
of a grind for everyone. Endless dirt and dust, and the heat has
gone way up. Yesterday was a 20-hour sandstorm that covered us dust
and dirt. 3 days ago, someone's watch thermometer read 53.5 degrees
centigrade in the sun. That's 128 for those of you in Fahrenheit.
It was much cooler in the shade at camp, but we had spent a majority
of the day out in the open traversing the Sahara, parts of it across
open desert. It seemed like a bad sign when we came across dead
camels. I got fairly off-route not long after I had been thinking
what a great sense of direction that i had. It turned out to be
a long day in the sun for me. I stopped my riding every day, as
I couldn't ride the race, eat, recover and fix bikes without something
suffering. My temper was shortening and I had unbelievable cravings
for Mexican food. Riding in the truck with our African Routes staff
has been great and the extra time around camp has left me energized
and feeling productive. Khartoum seems like an endlessly huge, chaotic
city that i am excited to see more of. We have a dinner tonight
for us by the Sudanese Cycling Federation (I didn't know that people
other than Midhat were "cyclists" here) and we have a day off tomorrow.
I would guess that my day off will be busier than my days "on" for
all of the accumulated damage that the bikes have seen. As far as
the race goes, it seems that George and Joan will be the male and
female sectional champions for this first of 8 sections. Although
Canadian youngster Sam Bail was a rocket ship on the 18km time trial
that we had prior to our escort into Khartoum. I think he averaged
54 km an hour. If i had to venture a prediction, I would think that
George may do the whole race. He's very methodical in his downtime,
making sure that he's clean, healthy and well-rested. But it's a
long time to Cape Town as it's early February and this wraps up
in mid-May. |
Ok, quick pole over at the DC forum: Did the internet
kill the local bike shop?
I voted no. The primary reason being one cannot by service via their
web browser. You just can't replicate Friday afternoon with a six pack
in the back of the shop talking bullocks. And you can't beat it, either.
Ok, second email for Tall Todd. And, yes, he's still our African correspondent.
And he looks like a Giraffe.
Maybe forget that last part.
| |
From: Tall Todd
Subject: no subject
Greetings all from Bahir Dar, in northern Ethiopia. I am on a miserable
connection here, so I will send this out first...then go somewhere
else to open my other emails. We have been riding in Ethiopia and
the terrain is incredible. I am nursing a bit of a stubborn cold,
but did bang out the stage to Gondar that included over 2000 meters
of elevation gain over a mountain range. The stage was an epic day
and quite fun. Ethiopia was as crazy as we had been warned about,
with people EVERYWHERE. The children come from all around and are
intensely curious to the cyclists. I have to say that it is quite
better than I had expected. We have still encountered the occasional
rock throwing child but overall they have just been smotheringly
curious. It's pretty amazing that an 8-year-old goat herding boy
can have a rudimentary conversation with you in English. Much better
than my 5 words of Ahmeric. We have been slogging on and our 7 days
of continuous riding, culminating in the massive stage to Gondar,
has been wearing everyone out. I have been increasing my time on
the truck and it keeps me feeling refreshed. So much to say, but
as this window has disappeared twice and it's taken me 20 minutes
to get this far (actually 40 and counting, the mouse just died),
I will sign off here letting you know that all is well. I will send
you a more comprehensive email shortly. |
He looks to be having a good time. Maybe he meet some other nice giraffes.
Ah, yeah, maybe forget that last part.
| |
From: Dan
Subject: shitfuckdamn
Yo big J,
Just got back to work after a four day weekend. 3 days of which
were spent nursing my wife back to health after a 16 year old female
driver decided she could quickly make a left hand turn in front
of my wife as she rode her bike home after work. My lady had lights
on, was wearing a helmet and had the right of way riding on the
street.
The driver got a failure to yield ticket, and was allowed to drive
away. My wife got to ride in an ambulance, get a cat scan, find
out she had a concussion and some bruised ribs. Seems like a fair
trade, eh?
Fuck it. Helmets save lives man, she'd have probably been a vegetable
judging by the condition of her Giro. Laugh all you want, I'm wearing
mine.
Oh yeah, fuck you car. |
And it just don't stop.
| |
From: Uncle Fester
Subject: Nunzio KO'd...
Big Jonny
Uncle Fester here. One of our team members was hit by a truck in
Tucson.
Just wanted to see if you can post this on your site.
He was lucky! He lived to talk about it.
*****
Hey fellas,
Yes, I'm pretty messed up. I'm not dead, but I feel like it.
I don't really remember anything really.
I remember riding in the bike lane. Next thing I'm being loaded
into an ambulance.
I came-to again in the ambulance and realized that I was in full
spinal trauma protection and I thought my back was broken.
I don't remember anything else until they started cutting off
my MLR jersey in the trauma ER.
Apparently/ according to the witness the 2 lanes of traffic next
to the bike lane were slowing to stop for gridlock and the truck
I was next to quickly stopped short to let an SUV in the opposite
turn lane to cross into a parking area. I T-boned the right front
fender at full pedal. didn't even know what hit me. Did the over-the-hood
thing, did the superman thing and landed on my left shoulder and
forehead.
no road rash!
cracked my helmet in 3 places, concussion, memory loss, helmet
extricated, still having trouble with vertigo.
left the imprint of the straps on my cheek. cheek swollen.
basically my left ribcage was somewhat crushed:
broken left collar bone which broke the rib below my sholderblade
broke the 2 ribs on my back on impact my elbow broke a rib on
my side on impact the whole left side of my lung was bruised and
had a partial collapse. I'm still having trouble with breathing.
no head/brain injury!
I broke the same collar bone 20years ago so it may need repair.
will find out tomorrow.
the driver was uninsured, but was driving someone else's vehicle.
the owner is insured, lives 6 houses down from me.
thankfully I shouldn't have trouble with insurance and even pain/suffering,
a bike replacement...
I'm lucky for a number of reasons:
-I'd be dead if no helmet. I know none of us would ever ride without,
but I bet you know someone...
-To realize that death can come quickly, even if you DO see it
coming!
-i'm in good enough physical shape to be able to recover for this
-I can't remember, therefore I won't relive the trauma in my head,
over and over and....
-could have broken legs or face
-Most importantly, I've got great friends. I'm overwhelmed by
the support.
Mostly, I'm scared. I came too close!
Therefore I will not commute on bike any longer.
This accident was too random and unavoidable with today's driver
inattention.
There was nothing I could do even if I could remember what I did
do. she was cited for failure to yield I am going to start a new
routine at gold's gym: spinning, weights, cardio, core, swim
I had a FANTASTIC time at MCD least race with all you guys! I'm
really bummed I'll have to miss the season. I felt really good
about the last race.
I'll still come to the races.
I feel like crap, but I'm OK thanks to Mr. Vicodin. Broken ribs
have got to be the worst!
nunzio.
hope to make an appearance at 24OP |
Marco Pantani
January 13, 1970 - February 14, 2004
I gotta say, I miss the Pirate. Two years gone.
Man, what a rider. That guy could ignite the powder. He make it exciting.
He was the man.
Never mind Armstrong's seven, which I'll probably never see matched
or broken in my lifetime, how 'bout the Giro-Tour double? Seems a bit
more achievable, doesn't it, in this post Armstrong era?
We gotta have something.
And I'll never forget (maybe for the rest of my life), as the Gnome
and I were suffering through the 2004 edition of the 24 Hours in the
Old Pueblo in the solo class, Pantani was a half a world away suffering
by himself in a hotel room.
It ended for Marco that night.
We made it to the dawn, Marco. We made it. Why couldn't you?
Ciao, Marco. You were a card carrying badass.
I'll turn a pedal in anger for you this weekend.
Today's link dump:
[bike] bilenky.com
[read] truthout.org/docs_2006/021406Z.shtml
[nyt] nytimes.com/2006/02/14/business/14oil.html?th&emc=th
[fucked] msnbc.msn.com/id/11317426
[bike] jonesbikes.com
[cool] canada.com/cityguides/montreal/story.html?
[cartoon] thefrown.com/player.php?/frowners/becomerepublican
[cartoon] wimp.com/cheney
[barbie] barby.bertisevil.tv/pages/housepartybarby.htm
[daily show] youtube.com/watch?v=-EaBnnIx8x8&search=daily
show cheney
And to the mail:
| |
From: Rich
Subject: A baby? Is that safe?
Big Daddy J:
Congrats on the new arrival. You now have a very, very good reason
NOT to die at Leadville. Goes to show that you don't just chuck
your choad over the fabulous ladies you serve up for us. Does that
make you a hypocrite? |
To be honest, there is a slight, albeit nearly indistinguishable at
times, difference between website big jonny and everyday big jonny.
One is a drunk idiot, and the other a drunk idiot with a computer.
But don't tell anyone, Ok?
I'm trying to cultivate an image.
Its funny you mention Leadville. My biggest concern now is how in the
world am I going to find the time to train this year. Dying at the actual
event, now that is an entirely different story.
I can't exactly pull off those AFD rides like I used to. Now the big
man's got responsibilities.
Today's Joke:
| |
A guy is in line at the supermarket when he notices that a rather
hot blonde behind him has just raised her hand and smiled "hello"
to him. He is rather taken aback that such a looker would be waving
to him, and although familiar he can't place where he might know
her from, so he says "Sorry, do you know me?" She replies "I
may be mistaken, but I thought you might be the father of one
of my children."
His mind shoots back to the one and only time he has been unfaithful.
"Holy crap," he says, "are you that stripper from my bachelor
party that I screwed on the pool table in front of all my friends
while your girlfriend whipped me with some wet celery and stuck
a cucumber up my behind?"
"No," she replies, "I'm your son's English teacher." |
For those who have asked, I do not ride any of the "impotency" saddles
on the market. I ride a regular old bike seat. And my boys can swim.
Been away a while. For what I'd call a pretty good reason: We just had
a daughter.
Yep, big jonny is now big daddy.
I'm like that P-Diddy assclown, I change my name with the seasons.
Puffy, Puff Daddy, P-Diddy, Diddy, faggit; its all the same guy.
Same number, same hood. It's all good.
The long and short of it is I've been a bit busy. I haven't updated
the site as much as I'd like, nor have I gotten much time in on the
bike. I haven't been doing much of anything besides hanging out with
my wife and changing diapers.
And I'm not complaining. Damn coolest thing I've ever done. Sorta like
that first time you rode a century on a road bike. The first time on
a fixed gear. Or, the first time on a single speed.
That big 'ol shit eating grin?
Yeah, that's me right now.
El dump de link:
[az boy]
cnn.com/2006/POLITICS/02/07/mccain.obama/index.html
[blog'n] escortblogs.net/latestblogs.htm
[omfg] joyangeles.com/myranda/myrandabiggest.htm
[word] doucheblogcycling.blogspot.com/2006/02/great-cartoon_07.html
[lance] cnn.com/2006/SHOWBIZ/Music/02/08/armstrong.crow.ap/index.html
[dick] msnbc.msn.com/id/11312757
[tyler] velonews.com/news/fea/9479.0.html
[blog] manuel-estimulo.blogspot.com
[time trail]
wcco.com/video/?id=14421@wcco.dayport.com
[fucked]
nytimes.com/2006/02/09/opinion/09thu2.html
[fucked]
withoutsanctuary.org/main.html
The winter Olympics just started and we already have twelve
(it as eight in Friday's New York Times) cross country ski racers over
the hemocrit level. What's the Olympic answer to the doping issue? Keep
'em out of competition for five days.
Yeah, I can see why that keeps 'em clean. They may not even miss their
event with a five day benching.
But there may be a method to their madness: ""We are confident that
five days is a sufficient time to allow for the blood values to normalize
if they are the result of living at a high altitude or dehydration,"
said Bengt Saltin, chairman of the FIS medical committee. "However,
a five-day period is not sufficient to remove the impact of EPO (erythropoietin)
or blood transfusion." (From the same article)
So, re-test in five and see what's what. If you're still high, you're
doping.
| |
From: Bob
Subject: Swap meet
Hi: I got your address the last time that I was down at Landis Cyclery
mentioning the Coalition of Arizona Bicyclists annual swap meet.
They thought that you might have interest, and perhaps pass the
info to your groups. We are holding it again at the Phoenix Municipal
Stadium parking lot (Southwest corner of Van Buren and Priest) on
April 15 from 7:00 am to 1:30. Free to buyers and sellers alike.
If more info is desired check on our website at cazbike.com
|
Yeah, I do dig the swap meets. Last time down in Tempe I picked up
a 1960's Bottechia. Made her a fixed gear and called it good.
| |
From: Tall Paul
Subject: Robot Bartender
A man enters a bar and orders a drink. The bar has a robot bartender.
The robot serves him a perfectly prepared cocktail, and then
asks him,
"What's your IQ?"
The man replies "150" and the robot proceeds to make conversation
about global warming factors, quantum physics and spirituality,
biochemistry, environmental interconnectedness, string theory,
nano-technology, and sexual proclivities.
The customer is very impressed and thinks, "This is really cool."
He decides to test the robot.
He walks out of the bar, turns around, and comes back in for
another drink. Again, the robot serves him the perfectly prepared
drink and asks him, "What's your IQ?" The man responds, "about
a 100."
Immediately the robot starts talking, but this time, about football,
NASCAR, baseball, supermodels, favorite fast foods, guns, and
women's breasts.
Really impressed, the man leaves the bar and decides to give
the robot one more test. He heads out and returns, the robot serves
him and asks, "What's your IQ?" The man replies, "Er, 50, I think."
And the robot says... real slowly.... "So............... ya gonna
vote for Bush again?" |
50 iq = third term in office?
Could be.
So, I get this email. It says:
Congratulations, you have been selected to be in the Leadville Trail
100 bike race this summer...
Oh shit.
What else can ya say really?
You fill out the entry form, send it with a check. You throw your hat
in the ring. And the bastards actually pick you. Again.
Well I guess they know, I'm not no company man. But I can pull on a
rope, or kill a cow, as well as any other fucker can.
August is a good time to die.
As good as another other I suppose.
Ah shit, Monday again. It just never ends up in this bitch.
Another day, another dollar. Or, perhaps more accurately for most of
us: Another .50 cents.
And not like the rapper, bling blingin' it. We're hitting the bottom,
and by that I mean the bottom of the bottle, like there's no tomorrow.
I was frustrated in the liquor department of my favorite grocery store
(the closest one to my house) this weekend because a friend of mine
had suggested I make the switch to potato based vodkas over the ever
pleasant grain varieties I usually enjoy. You don't know what you're
missing he said.
So I'm standing in front of a hundred different spirits (ok maybe twenty)
and my head feels like it's going to fucking explode. So I call up my
buddies place of work, a large domestic bicycle manufactures, and left
a message explaining my situation and requesting his employment be immediately
terminated.
I'm sure that made for some interesting review of the office voice
mail this morning.
His name is Kevin and here's what showed in my inbox today to remind
me of the drunken idiot phone message I didn't even remember leaving.
He said two words: Very nice.
| |
From: Kevin
Subject: Answering machine: Big Jonny called...says potato
vodka sucks ass and that you should be fired.
Very nice. |
Fun stuff.
And my man Nik the Dick is selling bike
parts like their going out of style.
[rude] rudepundit.blogspot.com/crappy-cartoons-and-burning-flames
[tpm] talkingpointsmemo.com/archives/007602.php
[tpm reader] talkingpointsmemo.com/archives/007598.php
[lance?] go.reuters.com/newsArticle.jhtml?type=entertainmentNews&storyID
[site] brandonbird.com
[site] despair.com
Oh yes, it's time for the Muslim Man Complaint Box. And yes, we're
all going to hell. If I get there first, I'll save you a seat by the
fire.
Dear Muslim Man Complaint Box,
I saw on the TV that there is a show now with a woman host. This
is not very bad by itself because the woman was dressed in accordance
with the laws of Islam and did not expose herself and inflame the lust
of any male guests. However, this woman was having a talk with guests
and things got a bit out of control when the woman host said "no,
I don't think so" to one of the guests. I was so mad I told my
wife to drown herself in the bathtub while I finished watching the show.
Then, later in the show, the host says "you are wrong" to
a doctor! I could not believe it!
Please see if you could beat this woman with a chain and I thank
you in advance.
Inshallah Muslim Man Complaint Box,
My child was drawing pictures for school and this is forbidden.
What makes the situation worse is that the picture was of our whole
family and also blessed Mohammad. It was not a very clear picture of
Mohammad and I think his likeness would be considered obscured by the
scriptures. Just to be sure I hanged my son and burned his body and
then my brothers burned the school and also hanged the teacher. What
I want to know is what can be done about the ability to draw? Any child
can go about creating blasphemous rendering of Mohammad! This is lightning
in the hands of the unprotected. My son is in the afterlife now because
of these crayons and "construction" paper, which I say is
"destruction" paper. That is a little joke, but I am not laughing.
Something must be done.
Dear Muslim Man Complaint Box,
This is a complaint in general about women these days. Things are
getting out of control with the influences of the West and they are
more willing than ever to speak their minds. Yesterday I thought I heard
a woman whisper "Ally McBeal" in a marketplace to another
woman and then their heads turned to each other like they might be making
eye-contact through the mesh screens hiding their eyes. I do not know
if anything can be done about this, but I would like to find myself
a good Muslim wife.
Also death to America, death to Israel, yadda, yadda, yadda.
Dear Muslim Man Complaint Box,
I am a devoted Muslim man living in the heart of the beast. I live
within the Jew-cursed border of the state of Jew Jewrsey in Jewmerica
and I am very unhappy. The other day I heard an American man say that
Islam is not a religion of peace. This is intolerable and doubly so
when the laws of America prevent me from cutting out his tongue, setting
fire to his house and taking his wife as my own. I demand that something
be done about this and also death to Israel.
Dear Muslim Man Complaint Box,
I am a devoted follower of the Prophet Mohammed living in the occupied
land of Iraq. I am not an insurgent, I am just an honest man trying
to live my life. There is an American by the name of Pete Reynolds who
sometimes buys baklava from my shop and he is very nice. The problem
is I found out a few weeks ago that he was an atheist when I was talking
to him. I know it is my duty to kill all infidels, but I was wondering
if exceptions could possibly be made if the infidels are particularly
friendly. Perhaps I could simply wound the infidels or hurt their feelings
very badly. He was fat as all decadent Westerners usually are and I
think maybe I could have made some rude comments about that to him and
he might have even killed himself. Anyway, no biggie, he was beheaded
a couple days ago when the United States refused to release Jalal "The
Red Hand of Allah" Al Harami. Get back to me when you get a chance.
PS - Death to Israel
Dear Muslim Man Complaint Box,
Hey, I don't know if you noticed, but my entire family lives in
a fucking bomb crater eating leaves all day. I know Death to Israel,
Death to America and all that but do you think you could take a look
at installing a floor in my crater or something? I'm on your side, I'm
Muslim, I just think we need to prioritize better. Maybe ease back on
the "death to X" stuff and look into paved roads and running
water. When I can afford to buy a car I promise to load the trunk full
of fertilizer and drive it into a Jewish wedding. Let's just get me
to the "buy a car" part first.
Dear Muslim Man Complaint Box,
Waddup mah G-had niggaz. I'm ridin' high in U to the A to the E
and I just wanna kno what a nigga can do to drop dem bombs on tha club.
My main Mullah nigga MC Ishuan got hot tracks like napalm and he be
wantin' to roll on up with some OBL samples but a nigga be livin in
caves and shit. Get me tha GPS and I'll send tha stretch hummer out
to pick his ass up. Hit me up on my blackberry and it's on like Alizzy
Jizzyerizzy.
D2A, D2I, TTYL
Dear Muslim Man Complaint Box,
I like cowboys and I think that means I have to cut my hands off.
That kind of sucks.
Dear Muslim Man Complaint Box,
My daughter was raped by my neighbor and we burned her alive because
she was tainted. My issue is that I think I should be able to rape his
daughter back instead of having to burn my perfectly good daughter.
So she was raped, so what? All of her parts still worked. She could
still cook a meal. She could still find a good husband. She could still
catch a beating like a net. I think this situation is unfair.
Dear Muslim Man Complaint Box,
the offensive against Christmas in the United States is stalling.
Our enemies at Fox News have caught on to our plans and they are hunting
down our operatives. Just last week Yasser was caught by the pig dogs
trying to set fire to a Holiday Store in the McCormick Mall. Their nativities
are multiplying unchecked! Please send reinforcements!
Also if there are any openings I would like to request a transfer
to the Death to Israel division. This is pretty much a BS job.
Dear Muslim Man Complaint Box,
Megadittos! Hey, I was just wondering if you could look into moving
Sunnis out of the "fidel" category and over to the "infidel"
one. I think they are collaborating with the West because I saw one
talking to a Russian who I don't think was Muslim and he also didn't
look overly serious about killing Israel. Just look into it when you
get a chance.
Dear Muslim Man Complaint Box,
I am displeased with the way that Shi'ites drive because they drive
one way and we Sunnis drive a completely different way.
Desperately Seeking Fatwah in Damascus
So what's with all this Mohammed stuff? Can't show the prophet, even
in a flattering light. Not to mention a bad light. But not any drawing,
picture, depiction, nothing?
I guess that planned Keanu Reeves movie is out? (and I was so looking
forward to the prophet saying "whoa")
Can't say I have much empathy for the Muslim position. If you are deeply
offended by the actions of another culture, and you expect the rest
of the world to respect your beliefs, then you ought to be cognizant
of the things you do that are just as equally offensive.
For example, playing videotapes of people getting their heads cut off.
It's beyond the pale. You want me to care about your fucking Mohammed,
show me some damn respect as well.
Calling for the beheading of those who write cartoon images of your
prophet is also offensive. You can't rally the troops to kill, no matter
how much your religion bans something. Freedom of speech goes pretty
far, but calling for murder is crossing a line.
And we call know Mohammed carries Jesus's luggage.
Today's linky links:
[fucked] poetry.rotten.com/refreshment
[capote] thestatesman.net/page.news.php?clid=8&theme=105563
[whoa] blacklane.blogspot.com/2006/01/ironic.html
[whoops] totallycrap.com/media/laurenbowden
[hbfk] adventurefind.com/hbfk/shit1.htm
[fun] lacitybeat.com/article.php?id=3243&IssueNum=139
Two rides this weekend. One on pavement, one on dirt. And neither with
gears. Single & Fixed, baby.
Straight to the mail:
| |
From: Corey the Courier
Subject: A little too close…
Hello
This is a friendly reminder to wear your safety gear, all of it.
I had a close call today with a large truck and its rear wheels.
I felt invincible before I left home this morning. I was planning
on schooling the rookies with my jumbo 53x13 fixed gear. I was
planning to train for the upcoming Ice Cup and the Monster Track
alleycat races. All plans were whisked away when my wheel went
under a truck wheel less than a mile from my house. A hit and
run by a reckless driver. Luckily I am unscathed and uninjured.
I forgot about the law of averages and the eventual catastrophic
accident expected after hundreds of hours in the saddle. When
asked by the police about who hit me and who saw it, I could only
say in a daze: I don't know, I am happy to be alive. The license
number was unimportant when I thought about how close my body
was to getting crushed by a careless asshole. Ego and experience
are no match for several tons of careening truck.
Wear your helmet and safety gear every day.
Corey the Courier
Philly Phorever
PS I'm still badass, I'm just waiting for those motherfuckers
to get out of their vehicle... |
Let's keep the rubber side down out there people.
| |
From: Steven B.
Subject: Germany fines motorist for cyclist death
Jonny:
Sure you've read the new story below from this am and am as tired
as I am about cyclist getting run over but a $1737 fine and 8 month
suspended license for KILLING a cyclist and running over her teammates?
And I thought the USA had a f'kd justice system!?! I'm sure the
lawsuits against her insurance company will be treated just as "justly".
velonews.com/race/int/articles/9456.0.html
Time for another beer.... |
In a word: Lame.
| |
From: Dave M.
Subject: report from 'cross Worlds
Juan Grande,
This in from my homie Brooke Troute. His frau Katrina took the silver
in the master's worlds in the 40+ group. They raced the creakie
worlds and then went to see the big doggies. Here's a good report
from him.
I recommend to any true crosshound a trip to Belgie. The worlds
were way cool. I am not sure who gets the partytillyoudropfans
award. The Belgians had the numbers but the Swiss had the coolest
outfits and supercool bells the size of a cowshead, and the Chezk's
had the best hard liquor and the most men passed out on the ground.
You could not get near the barriers for the elite race on a 3
km course unless you got a spot 3 hours in advance and held your
territory. We watched on a big screen tele next to the course
most of the race, heaps of cameras and great coverage.
Rode back to the carpark in a horse wagon with 20 drunk Belgians
singing drinking songs and waiving a huge Lion o Flanders flag,
we just sang along. They stopped all cars 2 km out, so you had
to walk or take the horses. |
Wouldn't be nice if I had something to actually write about? And while
I'm complaining I should really try and remember that it is Friday after
all, the bestest day if the whole week.
Happy Friday everyone.
I've been thinking about the old Arizona
Single Speeds site. What to do with the damn thing. Yep, it's about
time ASS gets an upgrade. The status quo is fucking pathetic. I hate
that PHP Nuke bullshit. It's completely ridiculous.
Slow, tedious and clumsy. Just like me.
And like I keep hearing, there
is a better way.
Today's happy day link assortment:
[arianna] huffingtonpost.com/arianna-huffington/the-democratic-responsel
[spooky] lostvids.com/149/BeesBattleHornetsFromHell.html
[law] keloland.com/NewsDetail2817.cfm?Id=0,45669
[creepy] theyrule.net
[cool] matchvideozine.com
[bike?] envbike.com
[dumb] farrin.com/bicycle-suit-begins-against-wal-mart.php
[dumb ass] gazette.com/display.php?id=1314146&secid=1#
[wolf shirt] birkoph.com/Wolf_tshirt.htm
[cool] tree.qotsatabs.com/index.php?set_albumName=Qotsa-Posters
A better way with email.
| |
From: Gary
Subject: Weston, FL bike lanes for carzzz
sun-sentinel.com/news/local/broward/sfl-we01villagefeb01
You gotta love this. Bike lanes created so cars can use them to
drop the children off at school. So, where do the cyclists ride?
Underneath super-soccer-mommies Cadillac Escalade after she pulls
over on top of you to drop Buffy off for her schoolin'. |
It does make one wonder. Why call it a bike lane? Why not just label
it parallel parking?
I guess saying you've added (insert big number here) miles of bike
lanes in your community just sounds better. And you can still see it
to the tax base by providing ample SUV docking space.
And what is amply docking space for one of those land yachts? A fucking
football field.
| |
From: Aaron
Subject: Stumptown
FYI...Specialized is trying to sue Mountain Cycle over the "Stumptown"
name. Mountain Cycle is made in Portland, OR (Portland's nickname
is Stumptown, plus Portland has a huge cyclocross community, thus
the "Stumptown" Cyclocross frame). Specialized claims that Mountain
Cycle's Stumptown sounds "confusingly similar" to the Stumpjumper
and has issued a cease-and-desist notice. Mountain Cycle has decided
not to cease or desist...check out the rest of the story here:
bikeportland.org/specialized-mountain-cycle-disagree-on-stumptown
By the way, Portland was nicknamed Stumptown in 1847 vs. the
Stumpjumper, which was named in 1981. |
Sounds pretty lame to me.
| |
From: Cory
Subject: Urban dictionary definition of "Stumpjumper"
One who brags to his friends about the number of women he has had
anal sex with.
The chicks at that bar found out he was a stumpjumper and would
never go home with him.
urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=stumpjumper
Ah, it doesn't get any better than that…
Wonder what Sinyard thinks. Or, maybe he knows!! |
Oh my. There is a better way. And that starts with Saturday.
Boonen hat
trick. The kid is unstoppable.
Lets just hope he keeps building on this form. Or will he prove to
be a "winter hero"?
I've heard this week the long awaited Boulder Velodrome is going forward.
Now that is a positive development. And one more reason to visit Boulder.
Like I needed two.
Ah shit, punching my way through this week is an endless struggle with
a wet paper bag. And I'm coming up short.
Just call me Sally.
No offence meant to the many site fans named "Sally".
Bringing the links:
[bush] thewashingtonnote.com/archives/001215.php
[sheehan] buzzflash.com/contributors/06/02/con06043.html
[test] i.euniverse.com/funpages/cms_content/4462/real_or_hoax1.swf
[abortion] slate.com/id/2135209/entry/0/
[bush] slate.com/id/2134919/
| |
From: John B.
Subject: ....Amgen Tour???
……I love the fact that Amgen is the worlds leading producer of,
yes, EPO!!! - do all the riders get free dope?? - shit, get me all
jacked up on the juice and I might even take a stage - look out
Levi!! |
It's a weird combo, ain't it? Pro racing and the drug threatening
to destroy it. I guess domestic cycling is in such a state they can't
afford to pick and choose sponsorship dollars?
I'm not sure about that. A few years ago, a local organization I won't
name was beating the street trying to drum up cash to put on a cross
series. I offered, and they declined my support. Thanks, but no thanks.
They wouldn't take my money. I'm run a "bad" website.
Well, this year when that organization was no longer involved I offered
again, and became a sponsor of the series. Yeah. This guy.
It's a fine line. You need money to have events. Whose assistance to
you accept, and whose to you decline.
One in from Tall Todd, our DC African correspondent:
| |
From: Todd
Subject: O Sudan-ah, oh don't you cry for me.
Greetings from Dongola.
We are having a well-earned rest day after having crossed some of
the most demanding roads in the north of Sudan. Roads could be used
loosely as we have only crossed about 1o miles of actual pavement
in the approximately 200 miles we have traveled since our ferry
crossing to Wadi Halfa. The roads in this part of the country are
either sand, rocks, or endless, deep washboard. Generally they tend
to be a combination of all three. This is where the real Tour dáfrique
has begun. It has also been quite an increase in my demands as well.
From my last email from Egypt, I was feeling quite optimistic about
my work and it's demands.
Then I met Midhat's bike.
Midhat is our Sudaneese guide and quite possibly the only mountain
biker in this giant country. He is certainly the only person with
mountain bike equipment in Sudan. His bike was donated to him
from a former race participant of a couple of years ago. (Strangely,
the sticker on the downtube says "Pay and Take, Flagstaff, AZ")
He rides entirely on whatever cast-offs the Tour competitors would
be chucking out as too heavily used. And he blazes across this
terrain, until his bike breaks apart from having old, mis-matched
parts.
After watching him repeatedly stop to fix his bike, a few of
the riders offered up some of their new, spare parts to get him
on better equipment. It was a great time watching his expression
as I took brand new parts out of their packaging and installed
them on his bike. He kept touching them and exclaiming "Oh my
god!" in disbelief. If anyone reading this has new or gently used
mountain bike parts that they could part with, please email me
and I can work on getting them to Midhat.
Ideally he needs a new bike, but that is not possible without
some sort of sponsorship. I can not begin to describe how much
the Sudan has surprised me. When I first learned of our itinerary,
I was more than a little apprehensive about coming to this country.
Without commenting about the government, Darfur or other parts
of the country, the Sudaneese in the areas where we have traveled
have been the most gracious, welcoming, warm people I have come
across. Most every rider has a story of being invited in to someone's
home for coffee, food, showers, naps or combinations of such.
On my rides, I met a man who was insistent that I sit in the shade
and share his little bit of fried banana, had beans and coffee
on a mat in someone's home, and been offered water and rest countless
times. This was not in the least what I had expected. In Egypt
we traveled with a squad of armed police and camped in areas with
soldiers patrolling. Here we travel with Midhat on his bike, and
Abdul riding in the truck.
The race rolls on.... As we are living under more trying conditions,
illness has begun to spread around the camp. I had a day of complete
devastation where I was lying under a bush in the desert, so sick
that I was unable to keep even water or bread in my stomach. But
that has quickly passed, and I feel great again. The illness and
roads have started to put larger gaps in the times of the leaders,
but the top 4 or 5 men are all still very close. On the women's
side, Joan from South Africa has won something like 2/3 of all
the stages. So she seems to be slowly putting herself out as the
women's leader.
Take care everyone, and I'll try to catch up when we reach our
next rest day in Khartoum. |
One more and I'm out.
| |
From: Tom
Subject: last night
It all started with Tequila. Not the Jose Cuervo Crap. 100% Agave.
Hornitos. I passed out again. Bottle of Tequila down.
Came to this morning, I found my self in my shop, hands covered
in what I knew was chain grease. 600 dollar heap of drivetrain on
the floor. In the corner she stood, proud and arrogant.
The Bandito! My sexy Salsa Scandium Bandito!
She is now a Single Speed!
What have I done!? What have I done!? Curse that Cactus. |
Welcome to the big leagues, Tom. Single & Fixed.
|
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