Happy New Year, everybody.  Here's a pic my wife took yesterday out at Wupatki.  This is the best thing that happened to me in 2006. 

That's about it. Shortest update on record.

I'll try harder next year.

We've done it. We've made Saddam a martyr. He died without fear. Without remorse. Unbroken and unbowed.

“He proved that he was courageous,” said one of his bitter enemies who could not help respect his calm in the face of death.  Read it all at: nytimes.com.  More on the same subject at: talkingpointsmemo.com and electioncentral.tpmcafe.com.

And, in all honesty, every news network, blog and newspaper in the country.

A day after I post an email about Lance Armstrong doing Leadville, Snake's chances to nail the top spot and the lurking danger man who is Floyd Landis, I find out Armstrong has a "scheduling conflict" and won't be toeing the start line with 750 rabid fans at his heels after all.  Too bad for all of them I suppose. 

You'll have another photo-op with Armstrong soon, quite crying about it.  There is always the Ride of the Roses for that sort of thing.

Leadville won't be quite the circus it could have been in 2007, with American two Tour "winners" giving it a go.  Maybe they can phone up Hamilton?  I can't imagine he's busy...

It's too bad Armstrong didn't go, I was already looking forward to the betting pools.

Link dump:

[cyclists, police and the rest of us] nytimes.com
[the righteous fury of dick pound ] wired.com
[fashion fineart fetish fotography] christinekessler.com
[1987 tdf luz ardiden stage] youtube.com
[1987 tour of switzerland] youtube.com
[cycling as religion] rideclean.net

Email:

From: Mike Subject: countless you said: "The real question is this: Was is worth the blood and treasure? The lives of nearly three thousand American soldiers and countless millions of dollars?" You're one degree above absolute zero, -273 degrees centigrade. You're only off by six orders of magnitude. Try a $ Trillion. There you go, you're red-hot!

More here: nationalpriorities.org.

Another end to another week. Just shoot me. All I've been hearing all day is Saddam Hussein is to be executed tonight. 

It will be dawn in Iraq, evening in the States. 

I've got mixed feelings on this one.  Sure, he's a bastard.  He's a criminal.  He was tried, found guilty and sentenced.  That much everyone can agree on.

The real question is this:  Was is worth the blood and treasure expended?  The lives of nearly three thousand American soldiers and countless millions of dollars?

I don't see much good coming out of it. I even turned on Fox news for a bit tonight (knew thy enemy and all that) and the mood is, well, gleeful and insanely optimistic.

Do they really thing hanging Hussein is going to stop the violence in the streets of Baghdad come tomorrow?

I'm afraid all types of shit is about to go off over there. And we're still waiting on Bush's new "plan" to save it before it all goes to shit.

Or maybe it's all ready gone to shit?

Link dump:

[tpm] talkingpointsmemo.com/archives/011729.php
[spooky weird] vacbed.com/site/static.php?page=VideoRedBed1
[toto] nyvelocity.com/content.php?id=1182
[doped excellence] query.nytimes.com
[james brown] youtube.com
[roche on la plagne] youtube.com

And to the emails:

From: Shawn Subject: Snake vs. Leadville Jonny, A snake vs. Lance showdown at Leadville definitely had some epic possibilities. Sure, Lance can rip legs off on the climbs, but I saw the guy race at the Mercury Tour of the Rockies and his descending skills seem guaranteed to produce a near death experience for him. I'm really not sure how he stayed upright on the descent I watched. I mean the crowd audibly gasped when he came bouncing into view. I think Snake has a slight edge in that showdown. But, holy hell, Landis? I know you have bashed his "cheating" (which I think is highly hypocritical; you, of all people, should appreciate the positive effects of drinking on cycling performance), but the dude is more than a little familiar with a mountain bike. I gotta say that Snake's chances have taken a significant drop since Landis decided he would toe the line. Maybe Lance will yardsale and take Landis out, leaving Snake free and clear...

I don't mind the drinking. It's the ironing on a testosterone patch to your testicles with a hair dryer and then blaming it on the booze I mind. I don't think there is any way a couple of shot of Jack Daniel's skewed Landis's testosterone-epitosterone ratio.

I recall reading about a Russian study (everyone was talking about it without actually linking the study) that showed a collation between alcohol consumption and elevated testosterone levels in the short term. But, if I remember it correctly, it was with really large amounts of alcohol and only in women. 

My web searching skills are failing me today and I can't find any mention of that first study.  But I did manage to find the following story over at cyclingnews.com and some links to other studies listed below:

1)  Responses of the steroid circadian system to alcohol in humans: Importance of the time and duration of intake.  ...In these conditions, the continuous administration of alcohol did not affect cortisol secretion, but serum testosterone levels were significantly higher at all time points during the alcohol session than at the corresponding time points during the control session.  Read abstract

2) Relationship of alcohol intake and sex steroid concentrations in blood in pre- and post-menopausal women.  Women with a moderate intake of alcohol have higher concentrations of sex steroids in serum, and higher risk of developing breast cancer, compared to non-drinkers.  Read abstract.

3) Controlled study on the combined effect of alcohol and tobacco smoking on testosterone in alcohol-dependent men.  The effect of alcohol and tobacco is cumulative, with higher levels of alcohol and tobacco consumption being associated with higher levels of testosterone before and after alcohol withdrawal.  Read abstract.

If anyone out there finds something a bit more on target, send it in. 

This one's in from my man Steve.

From: Steve Subject: hey from steve garro hey all, steve here. sorry for the mass e-mail, i know it's sorta lame, but my last year has been pretty difficult. if you are someone i have managed to keep in touch with somehow, just press "delete", you know all of this already! i think probably all of you know about my accident 14 months ago, but for you who don't, here's a quick breakdown: got hit by a truck on my bike at 45 mph on my bike. fused neck, c4-c5, fused/broken back, t11-t12, femur broken in 20+ pieces, 7 broken ribs, torn liver, spilt both kidneys, torn eureter, punctured lung, bruised adrenal glands and spleen, and alot of other small stuff like sewing my eyelid back on. i was in a coma for 10 days, and woke up in an mri totally paralyzed from the waist down. as you have probably surmised, i just about died, and almost everyone thought i would. i had 6 surgeries last year, got down to 115 lbs. any way, all this started on oct 5th, 2005. in mid nov, i started wiggling one toe. now, 14 months later, i'm back up to 175lbs, i can off-road arm bike for up to 5 hours,am tandem sea-kayaking with my wife, i have kept building my custom bikes throughout and am backed up on work for almost a year, and- i'm walking everywhere out side the house with crutches and a brace and getting stronger all the time! i can pedal a stationary bike for 30 minutes. i do need to wear special shoes as my left leg is 1.5" shorter from the destructive fracture. my wife denise has been awesome through out, and gotten me through this, man, she is tough, and a nurse too! i sure scored on that one! so, things are going really well, i have kept a solid attitude throughout, and have some really big arms. it's great to be rejoining the world of the vertical, it's really strange how your perspective changes! i had forgotten that i was taller then most people! i'm really looking forward to traveling the world again! we will be going to the north american handmade bike show in san jose in march, off to wisconsin too see my wife's family/sea kayak the mississippi in august, and hopefully go to baja next winter to kayak/fish/snorkel/eat great food! life is good and busy! to see what i'm doing, check out my blog i set up. all the people around the world who care about me want frequent updates, so i put new info on it all the time. check it out: www.coconinocycles.blogspot.com arm biking, physical therapy, frame building and general "what's up". if you e-mail me back, i'll reply this time, like i said, last year was sorta tough.......it would be great to hear from you all, hope all is well in your lives, happy holidaze and all that, rock on! steve and denise garro.

Local legend J.D. Protiva now faces criminal assault charges in addition to Forest Service charges of illegal logging and construction. Read about it over at the azdailysun.com.

The whole thing is one big train wreck.

In other local news, it's snowing again. It is falling outside my window today in fat, lazy flakes.  And it makes me want to head outside.  That is really saying something as I usually curse the snow and the evil it brings as an ungodly abomination. 

No, not this year, kiddies.  Since I won't be doing much in the way of "riding" for a bit yet, I'm not exactly missing anything.  No road trips to Tucson to get in miles, no mountain bike rides in Sedona's sunshine, no nothing.  Just me and a bad attitude locked up in this piece.

I do have another night of 80's Trivia to look forward too.  We split last night's double header and had to go into extra innings to break the tie.  We took turns reading all the questions on a pair of cards until one of us had answered more correctly.  It took a few rounds as the first one was all blanks for both of us.

Not to inspiring when you read down every category and can't answer even one correctly.

The nightly series is tied at one and one as my better half took the victory.  Would you believe some people actually suggest I she'd be better described as my far better half.

Link dump:

[fun] boobsoftheday.blogspot.com
[I have no words] extremefunny.blogspot.com
[blogness] gwadzilla.blogspot.com
[heart of a champion] fatmarc.blogspot.com
[tooth? shoe? you're kidding?] mandylozano.blogspot.com
[latin sayings] members.ozemail.com.au/~enigman/latin.html

That's it, I'm out.

It's been awhile since I've been in front of this machine to read emails or update the site. Looks like I'll be doing a bit of both today. And how. Last nights update didn't get posted until today. And so it goes.

I hope everyone had a fine holiday; drank and ate plenty, exchanged gifts and visited family and friends. I know I did all of the above.

It'll take weeks for my waistline, liver and bank account to recover.  As it should be.

The big news of the moment is James Brown, the god father of soul, has passed away. To say he'll be missed would be a vast understatement. That guy had class we won't see again for years. If ever.

And, I know he got popped for all kinds of offenses. I don't care. He was hugely influential.  His impact is inarguable.  He was one of a kind.

Former President Gerald Ford also passed on this week, but this page had enough of the political crap on it as it is.  I'll just say he did the job that needed doing after Nixon and Watergate.  Can you imagine trying to pick up the pieces of the Nixon presidency?  That was not an easy row to hoe. In fact, it was one of the shittier gigs I can imagine inheriting. 

Link dump:

[james brown thread] drunkcyclist.com/forum/viewtopic.php?t=704
[more linerider fun] official-linerider.com
[fucking stupid] godhatesfags.com
[clusterfuck] jameshowardkunstler.typepad.com/clusterfuck_nation
[matt white is a pimp] youtube.com/watch?v=BHF0_7K8ueI
[91] lovenstein.org/report

In other big news, the Philadelphia Eagles beat down the Dallas Cowboys like nobodies business on Monday. Big Tex undoubtedly cried in his beer all day long. I'm glad Philly fucked up his Christmas.  He sent me an email afterwards. It said the following: "Good job on Christmas. I hope the Eagles lose this week."

Oh man, this is fun.  The Eagles are on fire and in the playoffs.  A win over Atlanta and the Birds take the NFC East.  Life is good.

My wife got the Trivial Pursuit Totally 80's Edition for Christmas this year.  She bought it herself, wrapped it, and put it under the tree with a "from jonny" tag.

When she opened it, I had to ask her twice, wait, you're saying that one is from me?

Yep.  The woman has a way of getting what she wants, even if it means she has to buy it herself.

So tonight I'm in the kitchen, and she looks up from the table.  I freeze like a deer in the headlights. She's setting out the board, question cards and game pieces.  And she says "Get yourself whatever drink its going to take to get you through this. It's go time."

We decide to play blitz style where you get a pie piece for every correct answer regardless of where you are on the board.  It goes a hell of a lot faster that way.  And speed is a good thing with board games, it keeps the action moving.

I somehow take the opening game. I'd claim skills but it was really just a couple of gimmie questions. Absolute luck. Most of the shit I have never heard of. Really.  There are no easy categories.  And I grew up in the 80's.  You'd think we had accidentally gotten the "80's in Great Britain" game by accident.

After the win she tells me we're playing again with a tie breaker planned for tomorrow night.  We play again, and I mount and unbelievable come from behind, down by four, kid outta nowhere, win one for the Gipper onslaught and take the victory.

She sat in stunned silence.  "But I love the 80's", she said, her voice trailing off.

I should have let her win.  Would it have been so hard to give the wrong answer a couple of times?

I'll bet she would have known if I gave it away. And charity would just piss her off.

And I know now we'll be playing again tomorrow night regardless of the need for a tie breaker.

Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, Solstice and Global Orgasm Day.

I think I've about covered all of it.  Sorry if I missed anything in there. 

Christmas is upon us. And not a moment too soon either.  Not that I hate to see it go, but man, the buildup for this thing is way to long.  It overshadows both Halloween and Thanksgiving, two fun days in their own right.

I hope you got all your shopping done. Me?  Oh, I'm a lazy bastard.  Done is a relative term.  And so is "present".  Can you say "re-wrap"?

Today's link dump:

[good job asswipe] networkworld.com/community/?q=node/9999
[public access] steve-edwards.blogspot.com
[free fat boy] freie-fahrt-fuer-ulle.de
[fun] dirtworld.com/trails/...North Umpqua River Trail
[leadvillle. over.] cyclingnews.com

Some emails for a Friday:

From: Brad Subject: What The Fuck!?! Dude, seriously. You have got to get the fuck out of the house. You're losing your mind like Jack Nicholson in "The Shining". First the cell phone tracker link and then the extra love transwhatever link? Jesus Christ!! I'm scarred for life. I had to immediately delete my browser's history and temporary files for fear that someone might come along and wonder what I've been looking at. I'd have one hell of a time trying to explain to the little lady why I was looking at gay anal scenes and Russian transvestites. Now that I think about it, it makes sense to me......you're an Eagles fan. Go Cowboys!!

I do aim to please.

And fuck the Cowboys.

From: Mark Subject: greenpeace...........pussys??? Big Johnny, Seems as though the greenpeace organization blows when it comes to whaling. seashepherd.org/editorials/editorial_061220_1.html Sea Shepherd has kicked ass in the past and is back at it. nationalgeographic.com/adventure/0605/features/whales.html

What I know about whaling could fit in a thimble.  Or in a sentence: It's lame. 

Yo. Happy Solstice. The pendulum is about to start swinging the other way.

And not a day too soon either, I'm damn near suicidal over here.  God damn the shortest day of the year. It's evil.  Sunlight is a good thing. And I, for one, cannot get enough of it.

I'd live on the equator if I could swing it.  Believe that.

There really isn't anywhere else I'd rather be.  Well, ok, riding a bar stool would be better.

Years ago I had a landscaping job.  I was dating a girl, and her uncle needed help. So I got a job with him.  We met in the morning over at his house. I get there the first day, we're all standing around outside in his driveway waiting for something to happen and one of the guys mentioned how you don't want to wear your boots in the owners place, his wife gets pissed about it, blah blah blah.

I'm looking down at my sneakers and wondering why I'm hearing this.  I'm not here to go in his house, I'm here to make money.

Oh, you don't want to piss her off, blah blah blah. 

Ok, I tell the guys, all older than me, I'm not wearing boots. But I'll take off my sneakers if she asks.  I'm half joking, one quarter serious and one quarter fuck you.

Oh, you don't want her to have to ask, blah blah blah.

By this time I'm done with it.  Fifteen minutes with these assholes and I'm done.  They all go inside for some coffee, take off their boots all slow like talking the whole time about the big sacrifice their making.  Make a big deal about it.  All the things they do for her.  Whatever.  You guys are a bunch of assholes.  It's 6:30 am, you knew you were going in for coffee when you got out of bed and drove over here.  Why did you even lace 'em up in the first place? 

Everyone goes inside.  I stand out on the gravel driveway by myself watching the sun through the early morning Pennsylvania haze, wondering what my next job will be.  It's pretty damn clear this ain't gonna work out.  In fact, I wonder if I'll make it to lunch.

And so it goes.

Link dump:

[oh for fucks sake] drunkcyclist.com/forum/viewtopic.php?t=700
[genevievejeanson] cyclingnews.com/riders...genevieve_jeanson
[operación puerto] cyclingnews.com/news...spanish_mag
[cool] teamremax-yazoo.com
[extremely popular snl skit] youtube.com
[time waster supreme] linerider.com

About that last one, the linerider... I've drawn up some sick shit for the little man (or little lady) to hit up. This is the time waster of the year as far as I'm concerned.

And this is coming from a guy who can waste a lot of time.

Maybe I should just shut the hell up about the snow already.  I've had it easy.

From: Rich Subject: Snow day on the bike The storm that hit you yesterday is pounding us here in Fort Collins right now. Well over a foot on the ground and still falling. Made for an interesting day of bicycle commuting, I can tell you. Is there anything that remains rideable in seriously deep snow? If so, I haven't found it yet. Maybe the Pugsley with super fat tires.... I did okay on the way in, when it was around 6", but the trip home was all walking on the side streets. Still, the nice thing about a bike is that you can carry it home when the snow gets too deep to ride. Cars don't tote quite as well. Tomorrow, I'm gonna ski to work instead.

Yee haa. It snowed.

I can't even fake enthusiasm at this point.  Fuck it.

Whatever.  Not like it makes any difference to my fat ass these days.  I'm all about indoor sports.

Like bourbon surfing.

Trying to be funny tonight.  Thought I'd maybe write a little story or something.  Not really working out for me.  I haven't anything, ah, bike to talk about. 

Ok. Here goes. Last night Jackass Justin came through town and spent the night on his way to Utah.  We walked out into my garage and looked at all my bikes hanging on hooks like so many sides of beef. 

I took down my Voodoo and showed him my new cross fork. He approved. I squeezed the front brake a few times.

And the bike went right back up on the hook.

Just kill me.

The shortest day of the year, the Winter Solstice, is just around the corner.  I can't wait to get past that one.  Over the hump and down the other side. Come Friday, the days will be getting longer.

And I, for one, am a big fan of daylight. This darkness stuff sucks ass.  I don't know how people can stand it up in places like Alaska. Or, Moscow Idaho.

Link dump:

[wicked cool] ridingthespine.com
[wft?] extralove.ru/index.php
[leadville is over] velonews.com/race/mtn/articles/11364.0.html
[oh hell] landoverbaptist.org/news1299/kwaanza.html
[girl on a bike] voy.voyeurweb.com
[toto] nyvelocity.com/content.php?id=1153
[cool] fatmarc.com
[help justin spinelli yo] rscyclocross.blogspot.com
[richard goes to nationals] youtube.com/watch?
[adios iverson] eyeofthestorm.blogs.com/...allen_iverson

From: Phil Subject: a spooky new web site Want to see where someone with a cell phone really is? Check out this web sight... Big Brother is watching all of you from several of our orbiting satellites high above. phonetrace.org Hope you can sleep well tonight? Your welcome, Phil

I may never sleep again after that...

From: Lukas Subject: nice quick analysis Nice analysis of why this administration and this war on terror is such crap. My favorite quote: "Terrorism is a tactic," he says, "so it's a bit like saying the Second World War was a war against Blitzkrieg." Isn't it about time that we said what the war is against? War on terror? WTF? I'm gonna start the war on stupidity - wish me luck.

It's the war on (insert here). Full article.

Iverson going to the Nuggets? Yep, that's what I heard. Read it here.

Not sure how I feel about it yet. Maybe it's a good thing, maybe it's a bad thing. Whatever.  But I can say I'm not to worried about it.  If I cared much about the Sixers this time of year, I wouldn't sleep at all.  The Sixers are just plain horrible. And I mean horrible.

They might as well just shuffle the deck and get it over with. They're 5 and 18, the absolute bottom of the Atlantic.  And I don't see that changing any time soon, whether they keep Iverson there or not.

Even if they were on top of the Atlantic, it's still December. They'd have plenty of time to fall apart well before the playoffs start.

Can you smell the Philly on my breath?  I've got no expectations out of that ball club.  None.  Zero.  Nada.  The big goose egg.

What else is new?  Snow.  Yep.  It snowed yesterday, last night and more today. It's winter in the northland of Arizona.

I'm just glad I'm not wasting my time trying to ride a bike this year. Otherwise, I'd probably be all pissed off and shit.  But, instead, I'm taking it like a man.  One glass of gin at a time.

Link dump:

[landis and ullrich still in it] cyclingnews.com
[cross nats pics] pbase.com/dens/cross_nationals_06
[famous women in history] rhitard.com/features/women.html
[steve recommended] crazymeds.org
[& you don't want to miss] crazymeds.org/cgi-bin/yabb2/YaBB.pl

From: M. Subject: football Dear "big johnny", Football sucks. Your team sucks and all the other teams sucks. Further: all ball sports (except nude all-female water polo and those involving a border collie) are gay. I hope this simplifies your life. sincerely, -M thebaconstrip.blogspot.com

Yeah, yeah, tell me something I don't already know.

And, yes, making fun of me does get your blog listed around here.

Floyd Landis recently was quoted as saying "What it comes down to is that I'm being accused of stupidity more than doping."

How do you think your fans feel?  Like maybe they're stupid too?

This pic is what it looks like outside my office window today. And by "office" I also mean "spare bedroom".

Yep.  It's snowing.  Like all hell.

Not like I care this year; I'm not much into the "bike riding" at the moment.

There is a blood drive here in Flagstaff next week on Friday.  Info as follows:

From: Big Pun Subject: Blood Drive bloodhero.com/index.cfm?group=home hit find a drive type in zip code choose FAC west on next Friday. Go Raiders. -Pun

It's a good thing. Aside from the whole "stuck on the Raiders" part.

And what the fuck is it with the quotes today.  Am I "losing it"?

Link dump:

[riis should fire... himself] cyclingnews.com/...interviews/bjarne_riis
[go santa] cyclingnews.com/photos...UScrossnats06
[bring on the snow] ktrakcycle.com/home.html
[discovery exclusions] cyclingnews.com/dec12news
[i heart pork] rollingstone.com/porks_dirty_secret
[blogness] oldandslow.blogspot.com

I got a letter from Big Tex, the god damn Cowboys fan that he is:

From: Big Tex Subject: no subject BJ, Congrats on yesterday. I think my watching of the game really helped ya'll in the end. I know what we both want for christmas but there is a fact that we both cannot have it. I wish you luck but not really.

Who would have thought four weeks ago that the two of us would both be watching that game with our playoffs hopes on the line?   Man, I'll tell ya, whoever scheduled that game really fucked up Christmas for both our families. 

My parents are having everyone over at their place on Monday, and my old man is already planning the meal around the game. Makes perfect sense to me.  Completely logical, in fact.  I mean, what else could I possibly be expected to do other that sit in front of a tv come kick off at 3:00 Mountain Time? 

This is not understood by most of the women in the family.  Actually, I don't think it makes sense to any of the women in the family.  They think we can just turn the game off and sit down to dinner, maybe even talk with each other. What?  Are you joking?  Talk?  About what? 

My mother told us yesterday as we left to go watch the Eagles, "Remember it's only a game."

"Only a game?", my father said over and over, "Can you believe she said it's only a game?

From: Christian Subject: Philly, Pittsburgh Big Jonny, Just wanted to let you know that your Eagles scored me about $120 in a football pool this week. I was one of the few that still believes in the teams from the Keystone state. Also, when are you going to call for Donovan McNabb's retirement? Jeff Garcia is the answer to the question no one and everyone is asking. How will Philly do without the franchise QB? Very well, thanks for asking. Wouldn't it be the shit if the Eagles do some damage in the playoffs with a QB that T.O. deemed a homosexual? Some kind of cosmic irony, huh? I think it would be even better if the Eagles beat the Cowgirls in the playoffs. THAT would be revenge of highest order. The sad part. My Steelers are still alive, though barely, with a 7-7 record. All odds are against them doing anything besides playing spoiler the rest of the season, but that's what a lot of people thought last year, so I won't hang it up until the fat lady is belting out the closing tune.

You ain't the only one saying it: Ghosts of T.O.'s past band together to haunt NFC East.

Personally I'm hoping the Eagles beat the Cowboys right out of playoff contention next week. But, that probably won't happen as the Cowboys would most likely be the NFC Wildcard with a loss. And who knows when they'd match up post season.

Jeff Garcia is the messiah from where I'm standing. The guy is due after some bad year in Cleveland and Detroit, where, arguably, no one has had many "good years". 

And I think he'll be very motivated to play well against T.O.'s new squad.  Very motivated.

There are (or were) ways to look at last night's football game where Dallas beat Atlanta 38 to 28. I was thinking an Atlanta loss was a good thing as the Eagles had been tied for the wildcard spot with Atlanta and the NY Giants.  Distancing themselves from both those teams would get them in the playoffs. The other side of the coin was fuck the Cowboys, we're gonna knock them out of the top spot and take the NFC East.  Stranger things have happened, and it could certainly happen.

I hate them Cowboys (eat it Big Tex!) but I was going for the Atlanta loss more than anything.  I like to aim low.  That's probably why I keep shooting myself in the foot.  We'll see what this Monday brings, when the Eagles play the Cowboys in Dallas.  If the Eagles take that one, both teams end up with 9 and 6 records with Philly holding the tie breaker.

Oh, Merry Christmas to me.

Link dump:

[blogness] mattye.net
[cool] pbs.org/independentlens/sadflowerinthesand/fante.html
[bokoo mountain] bokoobikes.com/...2901
[bokoo road] bokoobikes.com/...2900
[steroids? really?] velonews.com/news/fea/11333.0.html

Now that I'm back from watching the Eagles beat the Giants on the road, with a belly full of beer, I'm beginning to believe in Philly's chances.  Maybe I went with the wildcard plan to soon?  Could be. A lot of this rests on next Monday's game in Dallas.  To say its huge is an understatement.

Tomorrow I'll be hung over and happy.  And that's ok.

I am in the strange and inevitable position of actually cheering for the Dallas Cowboys. They play Atlanta tonight, and Philly needs wins over Atlanta as both teams are vying for the NFC wildcard.  An Atlanta loss is better than an Atlanta win at this point. 

Football, like politics, can make for some strange bedfellows.

Strange, I know. I don't know if I've ever wanted the Cowboys to win.  If I have, I can't remember it at the moment. And I'm sure Big Tex up in Colorado is just fucking loving this. That bastard.

Then come Sunday, I'll be watching the Eagles play the Giants. A must win game for the birds if ever there was one.  Come on Billy Penn, do that voodoo that you do so well.

In local news, our Mr. Steve Garro is the proud owner of one stationary bike trainer.  Signed, sealed and delivered. 

Good work folks, good work indeed.  The response to my post a few days ago was, well, very positive.  You folks are some very good people.

You can all stop emailing me now.

Link dump:

[George and Jane Cage update] drunkcyclist.com/forum...
[fun] itsawonderfulinternet.com
[read] instruct.westvalley.edu/lafave/hb.html
[cool] popphoto.com/...gonzo-photo.html
[bizarre] news.aol.com/man-runs-over-deer-with-seven-legs
[fun] soggyfrog.com

From: TempeJD Subject: Dirty Bastards Yo, long time reader, first time writer. Just spent a wonderful weekend down near my grandma’s outside of oracle and Saturday we cleaned up my Papa Don’s memorial mile. Coincidentally, Donald Elvis Hudson mile is along along sr 77, almost right at the willow springs turnoff, home of the 24 in the stinky pueblo mind you. Plenty of roadies out enjoying the beautiful Saturday morning and as I was picking up broken bottles of bud light, mcdonalds wrappers, condoms (new and used), broken cds and one well used dvd cover of mothers-id-like-to-fuck volume 40 (with a monster hang-over by the way, but more on that later), I was rather embarrassed to also be picking up an ass load of empty gel shots, clif bar wrappers and used tubes - inner tubes for god’s sakes! As the only cyclist in the group, and the only one under 60, I was catching a world of shit. So, c’mon folks, let’s get our shit together, that is what those fancy three pocket jerseys are for. And speaking of that crippling, start drinking with the boss at 11am lunch on Friday ending being escorted out of Casey’s hangover, give my boy Johnny One-Leg a shout out. Sorry I punched your eye homey, the pepper spray made me do it.

Lets keep it clean out there folks. If you carried it out on the ride, you can carry it back with you to the end.

From: Thursday Subject: AZ and bicycles Hey Jonny, I used to live in Flag and ride everywhere. I lived all over the world, used to jam my Raleigh thru Bangkok traffic like a hot knife through elephant shit. Philadelphia, San Francisco, Hawaii, LA, nothin prepared me for the pure evil of AZ drivers! Man they must have like gun sights for hood ornaments. "There's one now, Mert!" "get tha fucker, Earl!" splat! hahahahaha. My son learned how to curse, riding in a Gerry pack on my back,running down San Francisco St. hill. "you fat sow!" i'd yell. "Yabba blabba boo boo de doo!" he'd chime in. It would be funny if it wasn't so god damn sad.

It is sad, but I still kinda hope I can teach my daughter to yell at people some day.

She's gonna be just like her Daddy: Angry at the entire world.

I just scored one of these proto shirts from Leak House.  And it's more reflective than I imagined possible.  I'd say something like "this product would have kept me off the hood of that car" except for the fact I was hit at high noon on a cloudless, sunny Saturday.

But come summertime, when I'm riding again and I don't need three layers to venture out into the winter wonderland, this baby is going to get a lot of mileage.

What they don't show you (and I think they should) is that the back of the shirt has a nice repeating pattern of, for lack of a better term, cubes of that oh-so-special reflective jazz in a strip across the shoulders.  Just consider it more Buick Repellant.

Today's shitbag, suckass links:

[click on furry karma sutra] furrykamasutra.com
[in-fucking-sane] coffeedonut.net/index.html
[she might be retarded] jessandashlee.com/jessica-simpson
[for rent?] umbrellagirlsusa.com
[wtf] medgadget.com/archives/2006/12/spray_on_condom
[fun with foley] video.google.com...

From: Rob in Queens Subject: no subject If I see one more fucking commercial telling me a fucking Hummer H3 gets 20 mpg, I may have to throw the TV out of the window!! Like 20 mpg highway is good gas mileage. And that the current EPA estimate method has be called outdated and not an example of real world driving. Fuck bro', I'm tired of the attempts to validate having one of those fucking SUVs. Fuck Hummers, Fuck old soccer mom's who look like they're retired porn stars, as they drive, dial a cell, and light a cigarette with 2 inch fake nails. And fuck assholes who completely disregard the fact that the cyclist they just fucking sideswiped has a mother, father, grandmother, a job, maybe a few kids, and is a fucking human being, not some obstacle that is hampering their drive to mall, the nail salon, starfucks, or whatever other fucking nonsense they need to get too right now! I'm fucking hot, man. Sorry about your buddy, shit sucks. I don't do prayers, but I'll give you thoughts, brother.

Truth be told, I don't pray either. We just do what we can.

Today I visited two friends that are both recovering from back (and other) injuries.  The first was Steve Garro of Coconino fame.  My man is coming along. He was hit by a car on his bike on October 7, 2005.  We shot the shit, drank some coffee and even went for a walk.

Yep. There is some big stuff going on with him these days.  Steve is able to walk several hundred feet with the aid of his forearm crutches.  And I gotta tell ya, it's a joy to witness. 

One this Steve asked me about was whether I know anyone who was looking to sell a stationary trainer bike he could use.  [Update: he's looking for a full on exercise bike, not just a small portable trainer you can hook a bike into.  Click for example]  He's to the point where he can utilize such a contraption in his rehabilitation.  If any of you are in Arizona (I can't imagine the shipping costs for out of state) and are looking to sell, shoot me an email and I'll pass it on to Steve.

After working Steve for all his coffee and hearing his war stories twice, I drove over to the hospital and popped in on Joel Yates.  Joel's in good spirits, cracking jokes just like always.  Fucking kid always makes me smile. I'm glad I was able to do the same for him today.

He's slated for surgery tomorrow morning.  Big stuff happening with Joel at the moment too.  His younger brother threw together a quick blog to provide updates to his condition, etc.  Check it out:  recoveryjoel.wordpress.com.

After spending some time with those two today, I feel like I might be the luckiest guy on the planet.  I got tagged by a drunk driver going 55 miles per hour, and I walked out of the hospital 5 days later.  And, I'll be honest, it's hard not to feel a little spooked out by it too.  I've got two beat up vertebrae that aren't ever going to be like they were before.  But I could have had it far, far worse than I did.

And I am so fucking glad it wasn't worse.

Looks like the Sixers are going to unload Iverson for whatever he's worth in new personnel, draft picks, top ramen packets or empty nine millimeter shell casings. And not a moment too soon. It's about time they shuffled the deck. The Sixers have given me a sum total of dick to get excited about lately save their new "lets set a losing steak record" plan.

But the Suns, now those kids are on fire.  But I digress...

I've got three Sixers jerseys in my closet right now; Charles Barkley, Jerry Stackhouse and Allen Iverson. Might as well just call 'em all former Philly players the way this is going.  Iverson is as good as gone.  Assuming, or course, he's worth $12 US dollars in top ramen packets on the open market.  Thanks for the memories, try not to get arrested on your way out of town.

Could Stackhouse could come back to Philly in some crazy deal with Dallas? Whatever. As long as something happens.

And I've already wasted enough time writing about basketball. The season is what, 340 games long?  It's four games short of baseball, right?  So I don't need to start paying much attention to the league till about, um, March.  Right after college gets sorted out in a month long orgy of Cinderella stories, upsets and kids outta nowhere.

Oh, it promises to be fun. All over again.

Link dump:

[oh my] news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/south_asia/6161691.stm
[toto] nyvelocity.com/content.php?id=1153
[6 day races] web.mac.com/...wunnspeed/6DayRaces06
[another pastor resigns over homosexuality] dc forum
[spillage in the village] nyvelocity.com/content.php?id=1167

Regarding that "spillage in the village" link above, check out the backstory on that event. And, I've been told, you can scroll down for yet another pic of the women's winner, the girl they call "hotness".  Ok, I scrolled.

And, no, I'm not kidding about her name.

From: Chad Subject: Papago Short Track Race-January 6th Good news, The City of Tempe has approved a short track race at Papago Park. MBAA will be running this first time ever mountain biking event at Papago Park to help kick off the season. Flyer and registration info: mbaa.net

I'll take some good news right about now.

Super Tuesday this ain't. Not much going on around here. In fact, it's just plain stupid.

In other news, I'm taking the credit for the Eagles win over the Redskins this past Sunday. Oh yes. I was all me and the Billy Penn Project.

[poodolf] sprinklebrigade.com/gallery-main.html
[mike's bike] cgi.ebay.com/Specialized-Langster
[swobolicious] digitaliconstudios.com
[anti doping circus] latimes.com/sports/la-me-doping
[anti doping circus part two] latimes.com/sports/la-me-doping
[more on hamilton ] topix.net

From: Lon Subject: Joel Yates Greetings Noble Mon I am so sorry about your buddy and his injuries. I've got no words of wisdom. Not me. I've got a word or two about hope though. Remember the verse about faith, hope and love, and the greatest of these is love? I agree. I believe that. I mean, I really believe that. Faith is way beyond what I can muster. Love is something I see every day and believe in every day and feel every day. Yeah. Love is the greatest. But love sometimes brings pain. Especially when those we care about are in pain. That's where hope comes in. I hope for the best for Joel. I will pray for him. It is hard for me to pray in faith, but I will pray in hope for your buddy. I don't know him. I don't really know you, but I think you have a good heart. From your words, I see your heart come through. I was going to go onto the forum to crow about another evangelical preacher in Colorado busted for being gay but I don't really feel like that now. Rest assured, I'll get around to it! Not now, though. For what it's worth, I've said a prayer for Joel, and I've said a prayer for you too, Noble Mon. May God Bless you and Joel. May God Comfort and Keep You. May God Heal You Both and Bring You Peace. Amen Lon Georgia

Thanks for that, man.

I'm out.

Friend of Drunkcyclist and all around good guy Joel Yates was involved in a car accident yesterday.  He and a friend were driving back from the Grand Canyon when Joel's car left the road and rolled.  Joel was ejected from the vehicle. 

Joel is currently at Flagstaff Medical Center with spinal injuries.  The Doctors have drawn a line, roughly equal with his sternum, where his sensation ends.

I don't know how else to say it.  I've typed it out ten different ways and deleted it each time.  There is no easy way to write something like this.  My man is paralyzed.

Last night I helped Big Pun put down a fifth of bourbon.  He and Joel have known each other for ten years.  I met Joel through Pun.  Today, after stopping by the hospital, Pun and I drove out to Valle to get Joel's personnel belongings out of his wrecked car at a towing yard.

It's been one hell of a day.

When I visited Joel in the ICU, where I had been just four months ago with my own spinal injuries, and I looked down at him in that bed... it was like I was looking at one of the pictures of myself.  We're both ugly bastards who somehow make neck braces look good. 

But, in all seriousness, seeing him there in the same place I spend a few days (which I can barely remember) hooked to the same damn machines, doped up on the same damn drugs, hit me like a ton of bricks.  Pretty heavy duty stuff right there.

And imagine how my man Pun is feeling with a second buddy of his hurt in four months.  Its a lot for a man to take.

Thoughts and prayers, folks, that's all I ask of you tonight.  Thoughts and prayers.

<-- The two four cometh. Yeah. It's true.  Get your shit together and register for this one quick like.  The time is now.

The drunkcyclist team for the 24 Hours of the Old Pueblo is starting to shape up. And I'm no part of it for the fist time in five years. As you can imagine, I'm not so happy about that particular development. But, as they say, it could be worse.  I'll still be able to hang out and drink beer with girl(s) dressed as the St. Paulie Girl.

Actually, I'm not so sure about that last part. But one can dream.

Since I haven't mentioned it already: Happy Friday everyone.  Good to be through the work week. 

If you have never experienced the magic of El Guero Canelo, my favorite Tucson area taquería, you are definitely missing out.  Make an effort to get there. You owe it to yourself. They've even updated their website: elguerocanelo.com

I got an email today with the picture below.

Have I just been outed?

How can I argue with that? 

My dark secret is finally reveled.

I'm a vegetable farmer.

Link dump:

[phoenix idiotarod ] chromatest.net/Idiotarod
[the kid is tough] azendurance.blogspot.com
[bike race I'd like to fuck] cafepress.com/brilf
[more christmas fun] specialized.com/bc/microsite/holiday/index.html
[jacket hack] doucheblogcycling.blogspot.com
[when iraq went wrong] nytimes.com

2007 Single Speed World Championships info coming at ya:

From: Martin Subject: SSWC 2007 Aye aye big man, hope you're fine and dandy. The Scots have finally popped out a wee web page for the next year's SSWC. As things gets cast in stone, it'll be updated. sswc2007.com Pow'r tae your pedals.

I've always wanted to visit Scotland...

From: E. Subject: oh great, killing motorcyclists to save spotted owls Jon, As a lawyer who is at this moment in litigation to protect the Mexican spotted owl in the Coconino National Forest and elsewhere, and as someone who has devoted his entire adult life to the protection of endangered species habitat, I want to say that the guy who strings cables across motorcycle trails to protect owls should not be associated with the left, the right, environmentalists, or any other group of people other than maybe a certain sector of the "mentally ill." Just because his particular pathology leads him to associate an endangered animal with the things he does to get attention and satisfy his personal demons does not mean that we should make those associations, too. It happens to be true that noise from motorcycles can disrupt Mexican spotted owls, which is why the Coconino National Forest prohibits chainsaws and other equipment in spotted owl "protected areas" during breeding season. And it is probably true that the Coconino Forest officials could do more to protect the owls from this motorcycle race. But laying deadly traps in the forest for people who are out having fun and probably don't even know the owls are even there -- that's madness, not environmental activism. We are all lucky this guy was caught and I for one hope he does some time if the allegations turn out to be true. He gives a bad name to a time-honored and important social contributor, the gadfly.

I'm with ya. Splashing this guy across the front page, on top of the fold, and calling him a "monkey wrencher" is to bad mouth the entire environmental movement. That guy is no more an environmentalist than George Bush is a diplomat.

And, the conspiracy theorist in me wonders if that was by design.

From: Josh Subject: Hi everyone. Log on to freewheeling.com.au and become involved in Australia's own cycling forum it's 100% free and gonna be loads of fun. Freewheeling offers something for everyone, no matter what you interest in cycling is freewheeling has something for you.

Looks good from here.

From: Andrew Subject: punk bike enduro The 06 edition of the Punk Bike was a fine time.The 40 degree heat and lack of snow made for a good turn out. Seemed like about 200 or so. Drank lots a cheap booze and some home brewed Moonshine. Pulled off a top ten thanks to some questionable race day tactics. Good times. Check out Dirt Rag for a little blurb and fine gallery.

You guys know how to have a good time.

This will be a short one 'cause daddy's got somewhere to be. I phoned up Bensey and talked him off the couch. Time to head down to the Monte Vista and catch some live music for once in our lives. Not like he's already in a band or anything.

So, seriously, I've got like ten minutes to pull this out of my ass.

Link dump:

[whoa] hornymanatee.com
[cyclocross race] drunkcyclist.com/forum...
[fuck christmas] fuckchristmas.org
[never ending fun ] whywontgodhealamputees.com
[playing tonight] stereotyperider.com

Ok, that's it. I'm bailing.

This just in: The statement on 2005 Fatality Figures. Quote: "fatalities have increased more than 20 percent since 2003..."

I have a link to a pdf of the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration study, the 2005 Traffic Safety Facts.

You want the drunkcyclist.com statement? "That shit is fucked up."

Link dump:

[it's the business] sideorderofham.com
[tour of the white mountains writeup] cyclingnews.com/diaries/keith
[who killed the electric car?] sonyclassics.com
[yellow card redux] petermiller.info/yellowcard.html
[it's a lifestyle statement] theonion.com
[the toto cometh] nyvelocity.com
[blogness] timmyp.typepad.com/the_tasting_room
[recommended drinking] stranahans.com

This next one isn't exactly how I would say it, but point taken.  I guess Carmichael not doing nine hours and going down a grand last year really impressed the "in" crowd.  Leadville just jumped the shark.

From: Cody Subject: Leadville just got worse Everyone's favorite doping monster is now riding Leadville. leadvillechronicle.com Fuck that, make the one balled dick go through the lottery like the rest of us.

Again, not exactly how I'd say it...

In other fun news:

From: dan Subject: bike vs everyone first off, that shit about J.D. makes me want to scream. He's a nightmare. Lock that dude up until he turns to ash. I was missed by a couple inches yesterday while test-riding a bike in the parking lot of the shop. I had just finished fixing it and took it out to the end of the lot where it's "safe". This is the same place we send customers. Pedaling slow down the end, passing rows of parked cars, I was afforded the opportunity to see the detail work of Lexis on their new SUV's front bumper. She never stopped while making the right turn, and never looked left before. This bitch didn't even look in front of her. I was staring right at her eyes. Fucking millimeters man, in a parking lot. So, I have figured out why so many people are getting tagged. It is the same reason people "push" their way through traffic. You've seen it, when some jack-ass constantly changes lanes just to get ahead of the car in front of him. You definitely see it if you ride on the road. Self-righteousness and entitlement. That is the problem. Most people these days are brainwashed with the idea that they are more important than everyone else. It's the what-about-me syndrome. Most people want a deal. Everyone wants something for free. Everyone wants to be at the front of the line. No one is patient anymore and all act like spoiled brats. Just a reminder, killacyclist.com Be careful, everyone.

On any given Sunday, hearts are broken all across America. Or, in this case, on Monday night

From: Bobby Subject: from a Panthers perspective. CCCHHHHEEEEAAAAATTTEEERRRSSSS!!!!!!! that last play fukkkkkin sucked. Your guy so pushed off. Fuck Garcia! Fuck the Eagles!. Dirty!Dirty! Dirty! The Republicans of the NFL! Don't give that "the Eagles Deserved it " bullshit either. How about we call them the Philly Raiders! Or better yet The Philadelphia Muggers!Or THE PHILADELPHIA COWBOYS!!!!

Muggers I'm fine with. Cowboys I'm not.

From: Josh Subject: New Bike For Bush Ride all you want Mr. President, you're still an asshole. yahoo.com/...pedaling_president According to this article Bush is racking up quite a list of "sponsorships" Cannondale, Trek, Saris, yada, yada yada. I'd like to think that all this industry fellation will improve trail access... Hey, gotta have to have some way to get to the oil derricks in the Wilderness Areas. Do I smell compromise? Take a deep breath, count to ten and remember, only two more years.

Is it worth wilderness trail access if we throw open the gates to the oil companies at the same time? That could be the million dollar question.

And, if Bush is such an avid mountain biker, why does he seem unconcerned about the logging and mining industries beating the shit out of the forest? Does he ride somewhere different from the rest of us?

From: william Subject: Cyclist down in NYC - this one is ridiculous hey jonny thanks for the site. it represents cyclists for what they are; real people trying to live life to the best and not screw anyone in the process. you might have heard about this one: nytimes.com/2006/12/03/ny_region/03bike.html it happened friday night. it's fucked up because it's the third cyclist vs auto death on the bike path this year. this path, which runs more or less from the bottom of manhattan to the top, is THE north-south artery for manhattan bicyclists. i read a stat that says it gets the largest amount of bicycle traffic of any dedicated path in the country. at least they are treating this one for what it is: absolutely criminal recklessness which resulted in manslaughter. please shout it out.

The Eagles won last night against the Carolina Panthers. Was it because Rocky was there?

I'm staring to like Jeff Garcia more and more.  Nobody gave him any respect last night.  In fact, the fans last night booed him just for breathing. 

I thought he looked pretty damn good in that first game against Indy.  Sure it was a loss, but it's fucking Indianapolis. A lot of teams have lost to them this year, and a lot more will before this thing is through.

Garcia threw 19 for 23, and 82.6% completion rate, for 140 yards against the Colts.  His opening drive was awesome.  Sure it ended with zero points, Akers missed a 36 yard field goal.  And c'mon, how often does that happen?   Aker's is almost 88% from that distance for his career.

But, it's not like an extra three points would have done much in a 24 point loss. So, back to Garcia, he's playing so good he's got people asking Donovan who?  He's thrown six touchdowns and zero interceptions.

He completed 21 of 39 passes for 312 yards and three touchdowns last night.  That is one hell of a game by any standards.  What does the guy have to do to win over the Eagles fans, walk on water?  Fly?  Leap over building with a single bound?

Win a championship?

Whatever. Philly is still in the playoff hunt, Billy Penn be damned.

Link dump:

[dingle speed] dirtragmag.com/...stuff_reviews
[big wheel rally- dec 9th] drunkcyclist.com/forum/viewtopic.php?t=670
[music] ihousephilly.org/SeraphicLight.htm
[birthday challenge] ingenious (link fixed)
[infinity mileage] threadless.com/product/562/Infinity_MPG

Today's emails:

From: P-Man Subject: Farewell to a man who helped establish SF Punk's scene. Every "Scene" needs a hub, or at least that's how it was before the Internet and downloads. In the area I went through my teen/post teen angst ridden days, that place was the Mabuhay Gardens, in the heart of SF's vibrant North Beach area. Dirk built a welcome "home" for the disenfranchised youth of the area and welcomed all flavors of humanity in this now famous but defunked punk home. Although you risked life and limb from the nazi punks in the ally next to the club, inside, you were safe...well as safe as you'd expect to be in a hardcore punk club in 1980. Memories of seeing bands such as SF mainstays Dead Kennedy's, the Damned, Husker Du, The Ramones, and yes, even Devo will always be ingrained in my fuzzy brain, and a few scars not related to mtb-ing still adorn my flesh. This is the guy who made it possible...the CBGBs of SF and Dirk was the perfect host for the crowds of early punks that his place would draw. You kept me off the streets when an 18 yo could have gone in a very different direction. Thanks doesn't cut it, but that's all I can say. RIP Dirk, you snotty old man. sfgate.com If you're reading this and saying "Never heard of the place"...shame, esp. if you're into hardcore/punk. Look back to see where you came from: angelfire.com/liveperformances/Mabuhay

I did like reading that one of Dirksen's trademark stage announcements was to say "Tonight's band may not be the best, but you are one of our lesser audiences ...

Class.

From: Jess Subject: BIKERS DOWN. Oh what the fuck is going on? Almost every week I check your site I see a story or email about bikers down including yourself. Now I don't know if the current trend of more cyclist being hit is due to the fact that more people are taking to the road on two wheels. Or if vehicular drivers are becoming less concerned with safety of other humans, but this shit is getting ridiculous. For fuck sakes I am getting fearful of riding on residential streets for the fact that people try to force their way around you. I was wondering if you cold get the actually national stats of deaths involving cyclists and vehicles and post that. I also was wondering if you know of any groups trying to lobby state and federal officials to help change laws nation wide to improve the safety of cyclists. I had a few keen ideas on just some quick ideas to improve safety, A) force all cyclists to ride in streets, by law. B) change the laws so that higher fines and stiffer penalties for people who hit cyclists let alone kill them. C) maybe if the cops would stop harassing riders for "impeding" traffic (O.C. cops) and started nabbing the assholes that force us into gutters and curbs. D) make billboards and ad campaigns to teach drivers the laws that pertain to bicycle traffic and what we are allowed to do. I know all really new ideas huh, but fuck I am frustrated. Since I got involved in riding again this year I know almost a dozen people that have been hit and seriously injured.

I found numbers through 2001 on the facts section of the bikeleague.org website. You can view the pdf put together by the National Center for Statistics& Analysis here: nrd.nhtsa.dot.gov/...2001pedal.pdf.

I can't tell if it's getting worse through this year from the data linked above, but my own experience seems to suggest that it is.  I'm getting emails all the time regarding injured cyclists.

All the time.

And, of course, I got hit

I've taken to listing them all in the biker down section of the drunkcyclist forum. Please feel free to register for the forum and list accidents there yourselves.

And regarding yesterdays' post:

From: Mike in spokavegas Subject: rant Hey Big Jonny, Fava beans and chianti? Damn, you've got good taste. Of course, onions go with liver too. Save me a drumstick will ya. I say we string the f*cker up with his own cable, and let the owls eat him! If someone does unfortunately get hurt, hopefully this toolbox jackass spends more time behind bars than the brain-dead morons who keep running us the f*ck over with their land yachts. Time to dust off the Colt 45, and I'm not talking about the 40oz. kind.

And...

From: Nelly Subject: Wire across trails...WTF BigJ, Hearing these sorts of actions infuriates me. I've spent some years in Norcal where fools tie piano wire around trees at neck height. The trails I grew up riding on Long Island had a mystery person who did everything they could to make trails impassible by bike. I staked him out in full camo with the intention of violent confrontation, but fortunately that same day, my brother caught him in the act and reasoned with the guy. My bro pointed out that his wife takes their children in there in a stroller and his actions affected them too. He admitted that he had never thought about that. At any rate, this person in your neck of the woods isn't thinking of the consequences of his actions either. The world we live in is borrowed, no one owns it. Taking violent actions to protect it is certainly not the answer. You cannot remotely equate an animal, even an endangered one, with the life of a human. This fuck JD needs a serious reality check and I hope they convict his ass.

And...

From: Russ Subject: JD Protiva Jonny, Nice rant on this shitbag. I’m with you 100%. I’m ALL for working to preserve the environment, but you start taking actions that could get me killed, then there are going to be problems. I have to say that I would have a rough time keeping things cool if I were to ever run into this shitbag.

And...

From: skrpn Subject: (no subject) it ain't the fuckin owl's fault. someone should dig a pit in his front yard and put punji stakes and shit in it. that'll fix his wagon

And...

From: John Subject: That J.D. Protiva Shitbag BigJonny: Your rant about that Protiva shitbag was right on. What got me most is his statement that he’d “gladly give his life” to close the trail. That’s crap. What he’s really doing is trying to take other people’s lives to close the trail. Forget left-leaning or right-leaning. Trying to kill people in order to get your message out is just “burn in hell for all eternity” wrong. Mr. Podiva, if you really, truly want to get your message out without everyone thinking you’re just a fucking pussy, here’s my advice: Call a news conference at the head of the trail. Dose yourself in gasoline and set YOURSELF on fire. You’ll get my attention, without risking the lives of other people’s friends, husbands, wives, moms, and dads. Just don’t do it during the dry season.

There is a lot of love in this room tonight...

Happy Monday.

Today our local paper, the Arizona Daily Sun, has an article titled Monkey-wrencher of the Peaks about a guy named J.D Protiva.  The opening reads, "Longtime activist J.D. Protiva risks jail by stringing cable across motorcycle trails near spotted owl nests."

The cables are, as the article states, "at about waist level and in a ravine so that unsuspecting motorcyclists coming the other direction would hit it and go flying off their bikes..." 

This type of shit kills people.

What Mr. Protiva is up to is not Monkeywrenching.  From Chapter One of Ecodefense, A Field Guide to Monkeywrenching:

MONKEYWRENCHING IS NONVIOLENT Monkeywrenching is nonviolent resistance to the destruction of natural di­versity and wilderness. It is never directed against human beings or other forms of life. It is aimed at inanimate machines and tools that are destroying life. Care is always taken to minimize any possible threat to people, including the monkeywrenchers themselves.

Stringing a steel cable across a trail you know people will ride on bicycles and motorcycles, in a way that will cause the motorcyclists and bicyclist to hit the cable and be removed from their motorcycle or bicycle is without question violent.  You are willfully trying to cause injury to an unsuspecting trail user.  And therefore it cannot be considered 'monkeywrenching'.

Draining the oil out of a bulldozer.  Putting sand in the gas tank of some large beast of the logging industry.  Causing flat tires.  That's monkeywrenching.

Hurting people is not.

The trail is named Challenger.  I've ridden it.  I can barely stand it and may never ride it again for the rest of my life. But my man the gnome loves it.  He rides his motorcycle on it as well as his mountain bike.  He says it's his favorite trail.  He rocks it.  I've seen it.  He disappears and then waits for me for however long it takes me to get to where he already is.

The thought of him running straight into a steel cable stretched across the trail when he's railing into one of the trails many ravines makes me sick to my stomach. 

I'm leaning pretty god damn far to the left here people.  I collect and drive all my empty glass bottles (and there are a lot, let me assure you) over to the city recycling collection rather than just throwing it in the trash.  I support environmental protection.  I give to charity. I reuse. I reduce. 

But this shit is way beyond me. 

My friend, who is an expectant father, could get his ass killed my some bearded shitbag who knowingly and willfully sets deathtraps because he doesn't like the trail.

I don't like the trail.  So I don't ride it.  I don't know about the spotted owls, but I can hear the cars down on Schultz Pass road from up there when the wind is blowing right.  I figure those owls are hearing all kinds of noise, all summer long.

To quote our Mr. J.D. Protiva; "I'd gladly give my life to closing down this Challenger Trail."

That's great J.D. The problem is you're going to end up taking someone else's life.

I'll make a deal with you J.D.: If someone I know and love gets his head cut off by one of your cables, I will personally shoot every fucking spotted owl I can find near that trail and eat their livers with some fava beans and a nice chianti.

That was tonight's Silence of the Lambs reference.  Thank you.

The link dump:

[nazi's suck it] youtube.com
[you gotta be kidding me] columbusdispatch.com
[girl + bike = popup hell] imagefap.com
[origin of cheap bikes] youtube.com
[time waster] freeworldgroup.com/games/roses
[things you can't do when you're not in a pool] youtube.com
[watch out for bike traffic] virtualtourist.com/Warnings_Danger
[blogness] devinssinglelife.blogspot.com

Straight to the email then. I've done enough damage for one night.

From: idiot circus Subject: Stereotyperider, The Revenge, and Jehovas Hitlist Don't forget to go see the guys at the Monte V this week. This is going to be a tight lineup. Stereo is back in full force and some amazing new shit to play. The Revenge is kickass punk rock and Jehovas Hitlist is off the hook. This is going to be a rocking show wish I could be there idiot circus Poking at fun with a really sharp stick.

My fat ass will be there.

From: response Subject: People should suffer especially those who don't ride, they might as well go out in the backyard and beat the crap out of themselves, ya know why? cause they don't ride an if they did their tires would be rotten and flat cause the don't ride see? an even if they somehow inflated those rotten tires they would wear holes in their weak assholes cause they got no chrome plated taint as required by the bicyclist who sit. then they could tell their friends at work that they don't ride cause it causes them too much suffering. listening to their clapped out bicycle decompose while they sweat to the sound of traffic makes them suffer with sun in their eyes. Fuck

He sounds like a Philadelphia Eagles fan, doesn't he?

From: Td Subject: Psychosis & W-Can Psychosis & Cars Study be far behind? This prompts one to wonder if a link between psychosis & car addiction can be forthcoming someday soon.... Are George W. Bush lovers certifiable? November 23, 2006 By Andy Bromage A collective "I told you so" will ripple through the world of Bush-bashers once news of Christopher Lohse's study gets out. Lohse, a social work master's student at Southern Connecticut State University, says he has proven what many progressives have probably suspected for years: a direct link between mental illness and support for President Bush. Lohse says his study is no joke. The thesis draws on a survey of 69 psychiatric outpatients in three Connecticut locations during the 2004 presidential election. Lohse's study, backed by SCSU Psychology professor Jaak Rakfeldt and statistician Misty Ginacola, found a correlation between the severity of a person's psychosis and their preferences for president: The more psychotic the voter, the more likely they were to vote for Bush. But before you go thinking all your conservative friends are psychotic, listen to Lohse's explanation. "Our study shows that psychotic patients prefer an authoritative leader," Lohse says. "If your world is very mixed up, there's something very comforting about someone telling you, `This is how it's going to be.´" The study was an advocacy project of sorts, designed to register mentally ill voters and encourage them to go to the polls, Lohse explains. The Bush trend was revealed later on. The study used Modified General Assessment Functioning, or MGAF, a 100-point scale that measures the functioning of disabled patients. A second scale, developed by Rakfeldt, was also used. Knowledge of current issues, government and politics were assessed on a 12-item scale devised by the study authors. "Bush supporters had significantly less knowledge about current issues, government and politics than those who supported Kerry," the study says. Lohse says the trend isn't unique to Bush: A 1977 study by Frumkin & Ibrahim found psychiatric patients preferred Nixon over McGovern in the 1972 election. Rakfeldt says the study was legitimate, though not intended to show what it did. "Yes it was a legitimate study but these data were mined after the fact," Rakfeldt says. "You can ask new questions of the data. I haven't looked at" Lohse's conclusions regarding Bush, Rakfeldt says. "That doesn't make it illegitimate, it just wasn't part of the original project." For his part, Lohse is a self-described "Reagan revolution fanatic" but said that W. is just "beyond the pale."

It's true, I had suspected as much. I feel so vindicated all of the sudden.

From: Scott Subject: Biker Down; Driver wrist-slapped jonn-o: from Victoria, Canada... wanted to send this one along about a year ago but also wanted to wait to get the full story -- so here it is: canada.com/victoriatimescolonist... I worked with the driver of the car. I continue to work with the people he went drinking with that night (hey, gotta pay the bills right?). He could not be charged with impaired driving because he left the scene of the crime and had sobered up by the time he was arrested in the morning. The police also said that their investigation was hampered because the people he was drinking with (my bosses) refused to give any detailed information about the night in question. I knew the driver and the other people at the bar -- all heavy drinkers. There was no question that they were all drunk. Even the judge "holds some serious suspicions" about the driver's sobriety. It makes me feel physically sick to know that he was drunk, and denied it, at the time he killed that kid, and even more sick to know that my employers covered up for him. He got six months in the slammer for leaving the scene. I hope every single day he gets an intimate big black deep massage rectal examination to remind him of the crime he didn't get charged with and the young life he wiped out all in the name of getting plastered. I also wish upon my utmost spineless and ball-deficient pukebag bosses all the hell on Earth. What's even worse, or perhaps poetically in synch, is that I work for the government. These infested gutless people are being paid with hard earned tax-payer dollars. I guess their behaviour shouldn't really surprise me. Pray for the good ones and watch out for each other.

Well said. I'm off to watch Monday Night Football and drink beer. I know, it's the good life.

The Arizona State Cross Race was today. My man Snake took home his fourth State Title racing for Drunkcyclist/Voodoo.

I'm just glad I get to stand next to him and bask in his glory. Which is good, because it was damn cold out today. The race was scheduled to kick off at 10:30, but it was a few minutes late. The thermometer in my car said it was 26 degrees out at 10:37.

And that's just fucking stupid cold.

Some horrible pics are up in the gallery. I expect some of the far better photographs that the gnome took will be up at his website sooner or later. Either that, or they'll end up in my gallery. Go figure.

I already knew my camera wasn't exactly the best money could buy.  But I was still a bit surprised when it hardly worked at all in the cold weather.  Of course, I should note that it is a poor musician who blames his instrument.

Then I come home to the damn Cowboys - Giants game.  The only good thing about those two teams playing is one of them doesn't win.  I had to phone up Big Tex to tell him he's a bastard after Martin Gramatica kicked in that 46 yard field goal.  He told me he knew it was me as soon as the phone rang.  Of course he did. Who else would call?  Fucking Cowboys...

Tomorrow, Eagles - Panthers. Could be good. Could be ugly. Since Jesus hates me, I expect ugly.

Two links tonight, it's late and I'm cooked.

[biker down] drunkcyclist.com/forum/viewtopic.php?t=665
[tomorrow @ the orpheum theatre] myspace.com/casadecalexico

Yep, that's it. Put a fork in me, I'm done.

Oh yeah. Its the weekend. And I'm enjoying it.

Link dump:

[automated targeting system] msnbc.msn.com
[oh hell] ynot.com
[cool] murataboy.com/en
[newage] video.google.com
[more blogage] onespeeder.com

Today's upcoming race announcement:  The deadline for entry at the Trans-Iowa is fast approaching. Get your cards in by December 16th if you think riding straight across Iowa in one shot sounds like fun.

Emails

From: Rob in Queens Subject: no subject That story about the Mtn. biker killed by a car floored me. 2 minutes on the road is more dangerous than a few hours in the woods, alone, possibly tap dancing with mountain lions? Yo, that shit is fucked. I just got back from a 2 hr ride in manhattan early this mornin. Not 15 mins in I was grazed by a cab. Bro', if I was 1 fucking inch further in his path, whatfuckingever. A few minutes later, I had a commercial garbage truck give me literally 5 feet of room. Maybe he knew I was a Teamster. Again Whatfuckingever. Like I've said before, stories like that remind how fortunate I am when I get home safe. Bikes Belong!

It's dangerous out there, folks.

From: Gary Subject: Biker down Jonny news-gazette.com/...woman_is_sentenced_for_bicyclists_death Reading this article makes me sick to my stomach. Knowing she had three prior violations with one just weeks before this accident and she is still allowed to fucking drive!! Un-real. It appears that the value of a life is judged on how you die. So, it appears the lesser value is placed on a life when you are riding a bike. If you click on the "Related Content" there is a story on the Wilhelms pushing for legislation for these situations.

One more and I'm out.

From: senna Subject: A great wise man said I would rather have a good bicycle, and no woman than a good woman, and no bicycle. I mean it.

Where does that leave me if I have a garage full of good bikes I can't ride and a good woman?

I've been loading some new old stuff in the galleries for your viewing pleasure.  Namely: fan pics.

My man Steve sent me this next one.

He said, "Sometime I feel like the egg."

Yeah. Don't we all.  Thank god it's Friday.

Short notice, but the 17th annual Bike Punk Enduro is the coming Sunday, December 3rd. Info up in the forum.

"Her very name inspires enthusiastic shivers of delight through anyone familiar with child molestation or popular culture of the mid-1980's." (source; rotten.com/...traci-lords)

Yeah, right. She may have been under 18, but she sure didn't look it. That chick was what all of us who went to high school in the 80's wished we could find. If that ain't the American Dream, I don't know what is.

Today's fun quote:

In a nation ruled by swine, all pigs are upward-mobile-and the rest of us are fucked until we can put our acts together. Not necessarily to Win, but to keep from Losing Completely. We owe that to ourselves and our crippled self-image as something better than a nation of panicked sheep...but we owe it especially to our children, who will have to live with our loss and all its long-term consequences. I don't want my son asking me, in 1984, why his friends are calling me a "Good German".
- Hunter S. Thompson

Dump of links:

[ride. log. repeat.] bikejournal.com
[cool] bikegifts.net
[cool] nutcracker-suite-played-exclusively-on-bicycle-parts
[in the trenches] southwestframeworks.com
[blogness] steve-edwards.blogspot.com

Emails coming at ya.

From: AB Subject: getting easier and easier to mock the Right... Classy: salon.com On a completely unrelated note, I hope you've seen all 10 episodes of "Yacht Rock": channel101.com

I hadn't seen this till today. And now that I've spend most of the morning watching them instead of all doing all the things I'm supposed to be doing, I'm sure to be catching hell later.

Looks like Daddy's got a few new games for the family this weekend. First up, an all time favorite called That trash can ain't full. Followed by The baby can wear those clothes again 'cause Daddy didn't to any laundry on Friday. And you don't want to miss What'd ya mean we're out of food? We can eat flour! Kids love flour!.

I'm fucking doomed.

From: Hurl Subject: Press Release: Caroline Yang 2006 TDF Photo Exhibit Hey Fox, if you get a moment away from the bottle, could you post the following press release for some of your besotted Midwestern readers? You could? Oh shit, that's awesome... Go with God, -Hurl

You go with god. I'll stay here with beer. Info and press release up in upcoming events section of the forum.

From: Cranked Magazine Subject: Drunk Cyclist and Cranked Magazine With the understanding that this shouldn't be > construed as hapless spam, but rather a promotion that we'd like to > bring to your attention and possibly your reader's attention. Cranked has been around for a year now, and we're getting our fifth, and anniversary issue together. With the release of this up-coming issue, we're raffling off a nice set of precision hand-built wheels. Pre-ordering your copy of issue #5 enters you into the raffle. Check out more information on the wheels and what Cranked is all about at our website: crankedmag.com

Up next, beer prices and a biker down:

From: Christopher Subject: winter program, 12 packs and Leg Warmers, quality time, biker down Yo Jonny, St Pauli Girl and Pilsner $10.99 12ers here in socal at my local. That, and it has been a warm all fall. Lots of rides. Cooled down to a high of 68 Wednesday. Typical first cool day of winter riding blues for me. I could only find one leg warmer in the drawer. Fuck I just won’t go out in that shit with out that shit. Fucking freezing. Wifey forgot to put the beer in the fridge, but at 68 I can down the first one till the others chill. In other news it has been tough to find that twice a week quality hour with the wife since Dancing with the Stars ended. Any suggestions? PS; Sad week. We lost a rider here in OC. Local gal, mother, wife, dedicated Mtn Biker, took the ¼ mile of canyon road to get to an additional Trail from Whiting Ranch; great loop. In that short transfer on pavement which is just a down hill coast, she was hit by a driver looking for their cell phone. We are talking about maybe 2 min of paved riding to get from A to B. RIP It never ends. It is as if we are the lucky ones who still here. It is just too often. Memorial Ride toady for her. Whiting Ranch. Same place that mountain lion took out a rider BTW. Interesting note: back when we had the mountain lion issue here in the park, there was another Lion found dead on the side of the road hit by a car (near where this gal was hit). Not that it matters and not that it is related. I just find it odd I’ll be looking for the quality time indeed. That is the latest; Late

Damn.

Another cell phone related cyclist fatality below.  It never ends.

From: Stainless Subject: Biker down What kind of country is this? Now we can just kill people and say, "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to," and it's okay? Here is the actual sentence: The maximum sentence of six months of conditional discharge a form of probation without reporting to an officer a $1,000 fine and traffic safety school.

The entire article is up in the forum's biker down section for your review and comment.

The key gaf reads: State's Attorney Julia Rietz made the call not to lodge any more serious charge than improper lane usage against Stark, saying that the legal definition of recklessness, to sustain reckless homicide or reckless driving, did not fit her actions.

Followed by: But Gloria Wilhelm, the mother of the victim, was not reticent... "Julia Rietz said it would be hard to prosecute 'willful and wanton' (behavior) and the driver could have 'no reasonable expectation of a bike on the side of the road,'..."

And that is the battle we must wage, ladies and gentleman. Bicycles are not some unexpected curiosity motorists must endure such as a deer darting out into the domain of the automobile.  Without question there should be a 'reasonable expectation' of a bicyclist using the roadway.  At all times.  And in all places.

It is absolutely inexcusable that the State's Attorney Mr. Rietz has taken the position that a cyclist is some kind of abnormality. Something totally unexpected.  Something no motorist should be expected to prepare for in the course of driving an automobile on the nation's highways and biways.

What are you going to tell me next, sure I fired my rifle in the air, but I didn't think anyone would be fucking dumb enough to be standing there when the bullet came back down?

To them, a bike on the road is an event outside of human control, akin to an act of god.  Like lightning of flooding.

Bikes belong.