Up in the spot Home All that tasty old shit Archives Forum Forum Contact Contact DC Gear DC Store

DC Features
about
accident
adult section
andrej on tour
archives
dc gear
dc video store
fan pics
forum
gallery
gallery (old)
interviews
jokes & more jokes
link buttons
myspace page
obscure sexual terms directory
old flash intro
paddy white's not dead yet
prison name generator
product reviews
rants & writings
wallpaper images

AZ Weather
flagstaff
phoenix
tucson

AZ Sites
arizona single speeds (ass)
az cycling
az cyclocross
az trail-build
bicycle inter-community action & salvage
coalition of arizona bicyclists
coconino national forest
dc/voodoo cross team
dcb adventures
dust devil series
epic rides
fair wheel bikes
fetish racing
flagstaff biking organization
flight of the pigs
grand canyon racing
mountain bike association of arizona
missing link
northern arizona trail runners
perimeter bicycling association of america
pyramid coaching
ride clean
summit velo
tempe bicycle action group

Bike News
bicycle retailer
cyclingnews
cycling.tv
dirt rag
eurosport
just riding along
missing saddle
pez cycling
procycling
pro cycling tour
singletrack world
spoke post
topix.net/cycling
velonews

In The Trenches
a.n.t.
anvil bikeworks
bilenky
blue collar
breezer
circle a
clemente
coconino
cove
don walker
eisentraut
endless
fireman
hampsten
high ti
hunter
independent fabrication
jones
jonny cycles
kirk frame works
kish
mint
on-one
paragon machine works
patrick cycles
paul component engineering
rich adams
richard sachs
rivendell
salsa
soulcraft
southwest frameworks
spot
sycip
surly
thursday
urie dog
vanilla
vicious
voodoo
vulture
wolfhound
woody's fenders

Bike Sites
alt bike
cars-r-coffins
cello
church of bike
dopers suck
down the road
evil cycling
fearless gearless
fix me up
fixed gear gallery
free riders
frame forum
gemini training systems
granny gear
hcor
how to avoid the bummer life
hubbard bicycle club
imba
just riding along
league of american bicyclists
mad dog media
mavic
mountain bike rides
mtbr
old skool track
onegear
one on one
pete fagerlin
pink bike
procycling tour
pro mechanics
ride times
r.e.load bags
sheldon brown
sibex sports
singlephile
singlespeed outlaw
sockguy
stolen bicycle registry
sun-ringle
timbuk2
velobella
vorb
verge sport
voler
yes we are on the web

Not Bike Sites
adventure sports radio
atlas
attytood
birthday challenge
boing boing
boobie battle
career cap
drinking liberally
drunkingham
eros zine
fark
fitness lynn
freeway blogger
hoss rogers
kunstler
lonestar boxer rescue
mithras
modern drunkard
onion
paul katcher
peter gorman
pinup toons
slowly downward
the smoking gun
snopes
sticker nation
truth or fiction
unamerican
weebl and bob
wm3

 

doreo hosting

 
Monday, February 28, 2005
redhead for dave   I   another redhead for dave   I   sydney moon

Yippie. Happy Monday. And then some. Big fun weekend of moving stuff around. I haven't seemed to actually finish up with the whole unpacking thing. I just move the boxes of shit I call my belongings around till I'm tired.

George Hincapie won Kuurne-Brussels-Kuurne yesterday. Hopefully we can assume he is on form for the Classics. I'd like to see him pull something off something special this year. Could happen.

And Het Volk came to pass this weekend as well. A good win by Nick Nuyens.

"I am not a Democrat. And I'm not here to inspire you. I'm here to annoy you." Crispin Sartwell.

More good news out of Iraq this morning.

  From: Ina
Subject: Something to consider Big Jonny
Before its too late make peace with GOD, and make sure the ones you love do also.

Its the greatest pleasure you can ever have and it lasts foever.

Accept him.

Repent.

Get baptized.

See you in heaven.

And I'll see you at the bar. With the rest of the drunk monkeys.

Asswipe.

Or is it Dirty Sanchez?

Funniest thing I've seen on joker in a long time.

Can you place all 50 States in the right place? Not to hard really, and it gets easier after you drop about ten in place. I was lazy with my clicks and ended up with a 44 mile average error.

  From: Tall Paul
Subject: OLN classics schedule for this year
or those of you with cable - mark your calendars for OLNtv's coverage this year of races other than the TDF…

The race schedule for Cyclysm Sundays is as follows (same-day unless indicated; subject to change):
March 6th Paris-Nice (France)
March 13th Paris-Nice (France)
March 20th Milan San Remo (Italy)/Tirreno-Adriatico (Italy)
March 27th Criterium International (France)
April 3rd Tour of Flanders (Belgium)
April 10th Paris-Robaix (France)/Redlands* (USA)
April 17th Amstel Gold Race (Netherlands)
April 24th Liege-Bastogne-Liege (Belgium)/Sea Otter* (USA)
May 1st Tour de Georgia* (USA)
May 8th Giro d'Italia (Italy)**
May 15th Giro d'Italia (Italy)
May 22nd Giro d'Italia (Italy)
May 29th Giro d'Italia (Italy)
June 12th Road to the Tour (Tour de France preview)
June 19th Road to the Tour
June 26th Road to the Tour
July 3rd - 24th Tour de France (France)***
Sept 18th Vuelta a España (Spain)
Oct 15th Giro di Lombardia (Italy)

Oh, it's going to be fun.

This link might actually work: Hunter S. Thompson on Meet The Press. More to read over at talkleft.com.

I asked Snake for a race report about the Vuelta Sonora - Arizona. This is what showed up in my inbox. I guess it's kinda like a race report. Kinda.

Either that, or it's a recipe for chocolate chip cookies. What the fuck do I know?

  From: Snake
Subject: RE: yo
What do you want to know.
10 days
9 days of racing.
last night 3 hours of sleep.
see you in hell.

That guy needs a hug.


Friday, February 25, 2005
veronikah   I   breanne   I   chrissy moran

More Paris Hilton fun: Pics off her hacked sidekick. Great.

The question I keep asking myself is why I contribute to the evil which is her celebrity?

Just when you thought you've heard it all, you find out Lynn Swan is considering a run for Governor of Pennsylvania.

WTF, mate?
  From: J. Hill
Subject:
This blows.

Look at this shit. Lynn Swann. Great Receiver. Bad politician. Maybe he's really a Pittsburgh SHILLER.

First this:

story.news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story&cid=511&e=1&u=/ap/hall_of_famer_governor

just checking on some of his views,

seekwellness.com/wellness/reports/2005-01-23.htm

I would think that an NFL Player who studied ballet would have a little more progressive view on things, guess I'm wrong.

I was just talking to a ballerina while I was getting a Ding-Dong from a vending machine the other day

Is it a conflict of interest to be a paid spokesperson for the National Automatic Vendors Association and the president of the Presidents Council on Physical Fitness and Safety?

Nevermind the fact that I couldn't earn a badge for the PCPFS in High School. It didn't matter that I was a 5 day a week runner who could run a sub 5 min mile no trouble. This snapperhead promotes vending machine bullshit on one hand (paid) and then wants you to do a shuttle run, pull-ups, sit-ups (remember how mf'ers would be bucking their bodies up and down at warp speed to get the sit-up requirement? Oh yeah, that's fitness!)

This dude as governor of PA?

I wouldn't be surprised. I'm sure a lot of people who admired his football career as a Steeler will vote for him. Like Steelworkers who are getting fucked by the Republicans as well as getting clogged arteries from eating vending machine food.

Ugh

Yeah. Great news.

Along the lines of just when you've thought you've seen it all: dumpster sluts.

I want to fucking kill myself.

How many friggin trades are the Sixers going to make? Now we got Chris Webber? Thank God the deadline finally passed. My head is spinning trying to keep up with all this stuff. They say ticket sales are up with the acquisition of Webber. No shit.

  From: Tom S.
Subject: webber
chris webber....no more big dog..... AI has to be very happy.

oh and i know there is no way 'corey the courier" is gettin any tail at McGlinchyes........but they do have fine hot dogs Talent: at the corner of 18th and walnut on the Rittenhouse Square side... that is talent central on a nice spring day with all the young office "skirts'....

messenger chic is good for landing the hot ones that want a guy that is "risky" compared to the normal job stiffs with bad golf shirts that usually try to take them out to fat tuesdays or a lame 2nd street club.....god second street used to be so rad back in the day. khyber is holding strong.

Yah Mos Def rules 215 forever

Word.

Kinda makes me want to drop kick the faint. My longest kick at the moment is 2491. I'm sure that'll be crushed by this time tomorrow.

  From: j. rotten
Subject: Old Pueblo SSer
big jonny
what a pisser that race was!! Sloan Anderson was motoring around but did you see the results of the solo SS? Scott Sportsman matched Anderson lap for lap, and beat him to the finish by 7 minutes! 16 laps in that crap!! and he finished by descending the rock with a beer clenched between his lips. singlespeeder! We thought the he'd spill it all or eat it, but he was smooth.

our team wasn't nearly so hard..we rode a few laps and started drinking instead, and then a few more laps in the morning totally hungover..

Sounds like my race…

  From: Colin
Subject: yo
Thanks for bringing the beer big man. I don't know if you heard but I got to ride Kyle's bike for a lap. Very weird. I felt like I had asked permission from someone without them being physically there. I was tearing up for that whole singletrack part after the tent to the cattle guard. Then I was happy, and then I was in pain on the 7 bitches. Fuck that bike is a hard ride. Again, thanks for bringing it. Tell Kyle's sister I'm proud of her for racing!

Word up.

Right on Colin. I was there when you started that lap, and I saw you finish. Very cool.

A few guys took Kyle's ride out for a lap. It got the beating it deserved. When it was back in camp, we had a couple of Kyles jerseys hanging on it. I figured it was the right thing to do.

And you weren't the only one tearing up out there. It was an emotional weekend for many of us.


Thursday, February 24, 2005
prison   I   fuck me running   I   redhead for dave

Holy fucking crap am I tired. I spent every night last week packing shit up and starting the move thing. Then I knocked my dick in the dirt at the Old Pueblo.

Sure, I only rode two damn laps. But the first one was at night, in the rain. And it totally matched my mileage for the entire previous month. Sad, I know.

And drinking all night in the rain ain't exactly AAA ball. That's pro shit.

  From: Joey T.
Subject: time for a repost
I thought you'd post this one again a couple of weeks ago, maybe you need a reminder.
extremeskins.com/banghaha/passages.swf
Yeah, just two more Superbowl losses before the birds take the whole thing (if the NFC championship is any guide).

That sucked.

The worst part is for some reason that flash file prompted my machine to run explorer instead of firefox, which is my default browser. As soon as explorer was up and running, my anti-virus software detected something on my system that shouldn't be there. Go figure. Fucking piece of shit microsoft hell.

I'm all about Firefox.

Hunter S. Thompson: Ashes to be shot out of a cannon. Read it at the BBC and ABC.

I suppose it's better than being sealed in a banana bunker and heaved into the crowd at Sea World.

  From: Corey the Courier
Subject: For the messengers at the bar…
Hey Big Jonny,
Apparently there is a huge following in PA about your site. One of the drunkards asked if I could send you a story for posting. This one is for Brent who slowed my progress with a chick at B & B's on monday night....

I go to slide show earlier this evening at Univ. of Penn with my buddy J. He's showing pictures and giving a lecture((?)) on ice climbing in British Columbia. I show up late, knocking over chairs and stumbling in late, making all sorts of distracting noises. After I finally find my seat, the discussion continues. Pictures and bullshit about climbing... (YAWN). Somewhere he mentions me and extreme endurance biking. Afterwards, some young pretty thing and I exchange info. (Team Livewrong '05) Outside his girlfriend makes some sly comments about me and young chicks. I tell her its only about bicycles and riding... (We all know better) They go home. J. can't hang out with the devil and his old lady.

I go to the bar and have a "special", PBR and a shot of Jim Beam. On one side, a regular drunk. On the other, some intellectual reading about some French poet. What the fuck. No young college chicks!

Upon leaving the bar bump into Sa(n)tan(a), my courier buddy. We go the another courier bar get more booze. We get phone numbers and email addresses for action on another night with some big tit, young, cute college chicks.

Bar #4:
DJ's, chicks and dancing. I smell 'cause I haven't showered after work. I'm drunk on at least (8) eight different cocktails in one evening:

1) Sparks
2) Jim Beam
3) PBR
4) Jamiesons
5) Rolling Rock
6) Stoli Orange
7) Yuenling Lager
8) Cuervo Gold

I don't give a fuck 'cause I've already got a date with (2) chicks for the upcoming weekend. My old school drinking buddy is working the door waives the cover charge AND gives me the connection with some birthday girl. Dance with her. Rub buttocks. Dance until closing and exchange info.

Pussy is everywhere in college towns. Move to the city.

Corey the Courier
Philly Phorever

I'm bad. I'm nationwide. And Corey the Courier is the fucking man.

And this shit is fucking hilarious. Check out old hickory.

Damn sexy little thing, ain't it?

Hey look, Jake the Snake took 7th at Valley of the Sun. Good looking out fella, and good luck in Mexico.

Maybe I'll even see a decent race report this week sometime. Just about anything he sends in will be better than his last one. I don't think I even ran it, is sucked so bad. I'll post it now.

This is from the McDowell Mountain Circuit Race.
  From: Snake
Subject: Race
30+ race 1st place. Won a festina watch. I'm part of the dopers club.
pro 1,2 race. 2nd place. I was running him down at the end and lost by a half of a wheel. Oh well. I suck, I knew it this only confirms it.

see you in hell. Dump truck.

You can see why that didn't make it up on the site immediately. The fucking thing sucks. Maybe I'll send Snake a box of canyons so he can practice writing the alphabet for a few weeks and improve his skills.

You know like numchuck skills, bowhunting skill, computer hacking skills…

Maybe I should just get him and escort and be done with it?

Read Justin Webb.

Why do bad things always happen to Paris Hilton?

Because she's an idiot, that's why.

Lets talk about stupid big trucks for a second here, shall we? Have a look at the International CXT, "For drivers who want to make a statement, this is how to broadcast it." Oh Good lord.

Not to be outdone, or left out of the lucrative "trucks for men with small dicks" market, Homeland Defense Vehicles, LLC, out of Jasper, Texas, is offering up the Bad Boy Truck. This vehicle promised to be absolutely gayer than all hell. This thing just scream Bad Boy Club stickers, mullets and No Fear gear. I'd say they are all prerequisites to ownership.

From the article: "There's a certain group of people who color outside the box… this is the truck for them."

Yeah, and some people play the meat whistle. This is the truck for them.

No offense to the members of the gay and lesbian community that read the site.

Ho ho, I'm dancing on the fucking line, ain't I?

Fuck all. Good night.


Wednesday, February 23, 2005
luba   I   chrissy moran   I   lesbians rule

Hump day already?

Go figure. Seems I need to update my site more.

Ah, where to start? Such a busy life I'm leading these days: Moving into a new place and the race of a lifetime last weekend. I'll go with the race. Way more fun to talk about that than this moving crap. Fuck a bunch of moving.

Another Old Pueblo in the books, and it was an epic. Rain of biblical proportions. It was coming down sideways at times. Absolutely the worst weather I have ever seen in a bike race. Anyone who kept their focus through the night and continued riding in that crap was guaranteed a high placing come high noon on Sunday.

The biggest trick was just to keep moving. The second biggest trick was to have a lot of dry clothes and functioning bikes. Yes, I said bikes, as in plural. I brought down two, my bad ass Kona single speed and my Voodoo cross bike. My man Jackass Justin decided this was his year to ride in the solo category. Since he helped me nail myself to the cross last year, I offered to help. I had him flying the DC colors and all that.

He thought he might need a back up single speed. Since I'm one of the only guys around who is big enough to own a bike he can actually ride, I said (stupidly) of course you can use my single speed. I had no idea...

Jackass had a new Fisher 29ers, one of those Rigs. Nice bike. He put it together round about Wednesday night, so you know everything is going to loosen up and shit after 15 minutes. The race starts and Jackass gives her two laps before he's on my bike. I'm up fifth in the rotation on my squad, which means I'm not riding till almost 6:00 pm. I'm working on a buzz and trying not to get to bombed before I try to actually pull a decent lap out of my ass. God damn I'm out of shape.

Not even till 3:00 and my bike is gone. Oh well. At least I brought the cross bike. I'll just beat the shit outta that in the rain instead.

And beat the shit out of it I did. I ended up only rode two laps, and I used two different bikes. My cross bike, which I rode on the first lap, will require a whole lot of attention down at the bike shop before it will roll right again. It's totally fucked. I'll be installing a new chain, all new cables and housing. Overhauling the headset and hubs. As well as putting in some serious scrub time with a bucket and brush. And that's just a start. There may well be more.

The poor bastard. At least it was fun to ruin it. One lap. Fifteen miles. I gave that bitch the fucking business.

My lap started at ten after six. I had my headlight ready to go 'cause it was getting dark out there quick like. It was a mud fest. I start out good enough, and hey, this cross bike is working pretty good in the muck. It's a lot of sand and crushed granite out on the course, so a thin tire with high pressure seems to sink in good and grab something. I wished I had on even narrower tires as the 35 I crammed in the ass end is clogging with mud and dragging on the stays. Fuck. Just what I need, extra work.

I'm on the first double track and some guy comes buy on his dually. I jump on. He thinks I'm some assclown roadie, and he's right. If you want to push your big ring into a headwind for twenty minutes, I'm going to sit right here and draft. Damn straight.

Its was a wild ride. I'm in the 52 (yes, my cross bike has a 52 tooth chainring as well as a 38) just punching it. We're plowing through puddles, up and over berms, tearing ass through the shit. I'm thinking how glad I am I left my glasses back in the van. Sure, I can see better with 'em, but I'm getting the full on facial treatment off this guys back tire. I can't see where I'm going most of the time. All I know is if he rides it, I'm riding it.

And so it goes.

Eventually we get to some more technical stuff and I sit up. My body felt a little wacky after the hardest effort of the year. Sick, isn't it? It's February and I'm an out of shape pile of shit. Ugh. I get on with it, and the rest of my lap goes well enough. My cleat came loose at one point. I thought to myself, that's odd, my pedals felt like shit ten minutes ago, and now my left pedal has more float than the right one. And it moving around forward and backward now. Shit. This thing comes off the bottom of my shoe and I'm really fucked. I'm barely staying on top of it as it is.

I see the EMT guys at the halfway point with a lantern blazing against the night. I wheel it on over and pray to God the cleat comes out of my pedal when I twist way past the point of it's usual release. I'm off the bike, standing in the mud on one foot, and my toe is pointing at the seat tube and I'm thinking, fuck all, how did this happen? At night, in the rain, my cleat comes loose. How long since I've even worn these shoes? Does Jesus hate me or what?

I felt better about my situation when I realize the guy standing by the pickup truck with the tarp around him ain't a volunteer; he's a racer that crashed out heavily. We make a little small talk about the weather and all that. He's waiting for a ride back to the start finish area. It probably took me a few minutes to sort out my cleat, and my body temp plummeted. Man, was it cold. I got back on an rode a few hundred meters before feeling sorta normal again. I can't imagine what it would be like to walk in on a night like this. You'd fucking die.

After that, I made sure I asked each of the three guys I found standing on the side of the trail is they were ok. Hey man, you got everything you need? You alright? Did you crash? And so on.

So, keep moving through the night and you would place high. A couple of guys I know did just that, they kept moving. Now, I don't know all the guys on this particular team, but I can say they may not be the most, shall we say, athletic folks out at the event. Great guys, great attitude, but one glance would tell you they probably won't be turning out the days fastest lap times of the weekend.

But, you know what? They kept a body out on the course when a lot of other teams packed it in and went to bed. And they placed top ten because of that. Good looking out, fellas. Way to give it some stick.

My team, on the other hand, packed it in 'round about midnight and put our full and complete effort into drinking. And we succeeded at that. I was still knock' em back at 5:00 am, something I lived to regret come Sunday. Three hours of sleep for two nights in a row will put the fucking hurt on a brother.

You can see some results here. The men's solo winner was Sloan Anderson. I haven't met Mr. Anderson, but he's got to be one tough customer.

Third place was Brian Bennett, who was camped right next to us. The guy turned some pretty good laps considering how shitty it was out there. He's do a lap, bring back a bike that got totally shit canned in 15 miles, drop it off and take out another bike.

It was more like a cross race in that regard. And single speeds were the way to go. Those with gears suffered busted derailleur, chains, and completed absent shifting. About a quarter of the way through my first lap on my cross bike, I couldn't even keep it in a gear, let a lone shift. Brakes, what brakes? We don't need no stinking brakes. I'll just white knuckle straight line this shit. And scream like a little girl for added style points.

I should make mention of all the support the DC squad received this year.

Kona came through in a big way and kicked down clothing for all the racers. Much appreciated. The girls especially loved it.

The fine folks at Doma, out of Coure d'Alene, Idaho, provided plenty of the Black Goddess to help keep the campers firing on all cylinders. Not only did their coffee help me out during the event, I probably couldn't have made the drive home without it.

Truth be told, I only drove up half the way, to Phoenix, before my wife took over and I passed out in the back of the van. I'm not the road warrior I used to be, it seems. I'm a kinder, gentler, compassionate conservative, drunken porn addicted piece of shit. And I turn 35 this year. I feel like life just keeps kicking me square in the nuts.

What the fuck am I talking about? Talk up the sponsors, jonny. Idiot!

My favorite bar in the whole damn world, Pay'n Take, kicked down some liquid refreshment for the masses. And it was an absolute necessity with the weather the way it was. Without the beer, I probably would have just thrown myself into one of the nights many rivers and be done with it.

Along those lines, my man Chad took a lap 'round about midnight, just to see what is was all about. He's one of those "see and do" fellas. You know the type. Not much for talking about it, more for doing it. So he did. And boy did he have a time of it.

I loaned him a shitty light I had brought along for a backup. The damn thing up and quit on him out in the rain, fog and mud. I knew it was a shitty light, I just didn't know it was that shitty. Who needs enemies when you've got friends like me, eh?

So he's out there in the dark, trying to work out just where in the hell the trail goes with no headlight. He said he could tell most of the time because it was shiner where everyone had been riding for ten hours. Can you imagine that? Out in the rain and fog, trying to follow the glossy ribbon of a trail you've never seen before in you life.

Sure, he could have brought a flashlight out there with him. He also could have checked out the course during daylight hours. But that would have taken foresight and planning. Two things not particularly abundant at the DC camp. Chad's out there, on a course he's never ridden, "discovering" the trail. Good thing he's a tough bastard, a lesser man would have crumbled.

Chad rides down into one of the washes that are usually just an expanse of sand, to discover that it is not only full of water, but also the water is up to his knees.

No light. Rain coming down sideways, and the water is as high as his front wheel. Yeah, fun. Glad to say I was back at camp swilling down beers at this point. Fuck all that riding crap, I've got riders to support.

I fielded the four person female team as last year, as well as a solo rider and a five person coed memorial team for Kyle. We had our hands full with all that, believe me.

My sense of timeline with this little ditty is all bitched up, but whatever. I'm far beyond caring at this point. After reading about the passing of one of America's greatest living writers this past Sunday, I've been kinda wiped out on the writing deal. Yes, I'm talking about Hunter S. Thompson

O'Grady has a nice little piece on him over at Mad Dog Media. I suggest you read it, and after that, every damn thing HST ever put to paper. He was one of the greats, and it should be of no surprise to readers of my stupid little weblog pill party that he was one of my heroes. If I could live my life and write about it with one tenth of the power he had... It would really be something.

Two Old Pueblos; two dead heroes. Last year it was Pantani, this year Thompson.

Scary shit. Back to my fucked up story:

I arrived late Friday to find some of the most annoying and negative people I have ever come across, pretty much anywhere. Without going into all the lame details, I had to get up Saturday morning at 6:30 and find another place to camp. I'm not about fighting, and it seems a few of my fellow Arizonans are.

Whatever.

We set up shop by the showers only to find out the CO2 canister I brought down to run two kegs was kaput. Total panic set in. Some of us were there to race, some to drink, and some to straddle that fence and do both. With ten feet of hose, a jockey box and a bunk CO2 canister, we were dead in the water. Fuck me.

Thank God for Scooby & Missing Link Racing. The man brought an extra tap. We were up and running in no time, handing out free beers left and right. Good times.

And nothing takes the edge of shit weather like ten beers. Let me tell you that from experience.

A quick couple of links: Wreck the naked woman and some Napoleon Dynamite soundboards.

After my one lap on my Voodoo cross bike, I had to think up something different for my second lap. I sure did put in some work, didn't I? Anyway, my single speed was pretty much a mud incrusted piece of shit come morning. I picked it up, looked at it and though, fuck...

So, I rode Jackass's bike. He had to pack it in after some serious neck and back problems. The guy is hard as nails, so you know if had to hurt pretty bad for his to quit. My bikes, bad. His bikes, good.

I've only ridden those two niner things around the block before. And always on a bike that was too small. This was the first time I had ridden one that fit me, off road, for that long. And I liked it.

I look forward to riding one of those wacky things more in the future. For a guy my size, it makes a lot of sense.

That's about it for now. I've got to shove some move of my shit into the van and move it across town. Wish me luck.


Friday, February 18, 2005
tera patrick   I   sydney moon   I   lesbians rule

Old Pueblo.

Tomorrow.

I'll see you all there. Come by and raise a pint. I'll be easy to find. Just look for Kyle's bike with a bunch of candles blazing. And the Gnomes. Always look for the Gnome. I'll have two kegs. Big props to Pay'n Take.

It looks like it's going to rain like hell this weekend in Oracle. Fuck it. I don't care. I'm going to have fun anyway. You can't hold me down.

This one made me laugh. Same with this email.

  From: Mike
Subject: Fun for days
Seriously, it doesn't get any better than this...
hannity.com/story.php?content=/namethatdog

More on the Right Wing Whore Jeff Ganon.

What next, the guy is Monica Lewsinsky's cousin?

Jesus Christ.

  From: Lines
Subject: flaming SUV
So let me see if I got this right. Some ass bad tosses out his cigarette out the window and his car burns to the ground. What does the CHiP decide to do. Fine him a $1000 dollars. I am down with that. Same ass bag runs me off the road and destroys my bike and the state then says "sorry, nothing we can do" WTF?

Good point.

  From: PK
Subject: Love you cause…
Check out some of my photos
pinkbike.com/modules/photo/?op=list&function=myphotos&photouserid=41334

Right on.

  From: Jonathon
Subject: (no subject)
Jonny, Jonny, Jonny, (I'll assume you're the one in the middle) Me and Nuke are working up a bike at HH (handlebarhelpers.org) so's he can add to the stable a travellin road job. It's going poorly and we are forced to rap down and swill at Papago. (papagobrewing.com - one of Snottsdale's saving graces)

I'm xtracycling (xtracycle.com) the 12 miles home on the usual route and getting shafted at a light that starts to change, then resets. With nobody in a half mile radius I pull the right turn, u-turn, right turn maneuver. I even use the hand signal despite the fact that it's fuckin' 2AM. What do you know, John Law pops out heading toward me as I aim for the center turn lane...He slows and I see that he is on the phone. I roll past him entering the same turn lane as he says, "You should be careful out here."

I say "Thanks So Much". because I've already passed him and all the things I want to say are going to make him throw the light switch, flip a U-turn and cuff me again (cmphx.org).

Dickhead, I ride this route six days/120 miles a week, Where the fuck are you during all the life threatening red light running, throwing shit at me, verbal abuse, dipshit cellphone yakking speeding Yukon cuttin me off times?! You're driving a weapon filled ton of gasoline powered muscle cruiser AT ME while chatting on the phone and you're telling me to be careful?!

I used to feel safe in this country.

Definitly feeling the xtracycle.com. Good guys and a good product.

Ok, that's about it. I can't think of much anything else. Time to go pack the car.

Audi 5000.


Thursday, February 17, 2005
betty   I   mandi   I   serina

Tomorrow I leave for the Old Pueblo. It's raining here at the moment. The Gnome is heading down to the race as I write this. And it's raining down in Tucson too. Apparently it's raining all over the God damn state this weekend. Good times. From the looks of the weather report, it might even snow Saturday night.

Oh, I am so looking forward to that.

When you thing about it, snow may actually be better than plain old rain. If it snows, you'll know you're doing something really epic. Rain is just rain. Stupid, boring, everyday rain.

Snow on the other hand brings to mind things like Andy Hampsten on the Gavia back in '88…

You get the idea.

Think you might need a State of the Union parcing tool? I never thought I would, but you can find one at style.org.

  From: Rich
Subject: Interesting frame material
Yo, Jonny
I got this off of an RSS feed - an open carbon lattice tube bike frame from BYU.
byunews.byu.edu/releases/archive05/Jan/isotrussbike/0501-25%20052 -L.jpg

There are more pix and a little marketing-speak about it here:
byunews.byu.edu/photo-archive05-Jan-isotrussbike.aspx

No numbers on the weight or stiffness. Definitely looks like an immature technology, since they're still using metallic lugs and conventional carbon tubing to mate the lattice to the lugs. If this takes off, I'd expect to see full-latice frames with increased density lattice and metallic inserts at attachment points like head tube, seat tube, BB and dropouts.

Well, I'll say this much: It sure is ugly. What did they do, shrink wrap it in plastic to keep the dirt outta the downtube?

But if it's light and expensive, it'll sell like hotcakes. Can't wait to hear what the UCI says about it. I'm sure they're gonna love it.

And, another upside, at least you won't see manufactures logos all over it. Kinda hard to put stickers on a lattice.

I'm looking forward to seeing how this one will work out, the Vuelta Sonora - Arizona.

You do not want to get dropped on a point to point race south of the border. Once the cars come past, you're on your own buddy. Better keep up, or you'll be taken down and eaten by wolves.

I think someone is trying to tell me I have a monobrow.

  From: John
Subject: Here's one I liked
sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/c/a/2005/02/17/suvfire17.TMP
The guy throws a lit cigarette out the window of his SUV and it flys back in and burns the damn thing to the ground. Love it!

The icing on the cake: He left it in neutral."The flaming Expedition rolled driverless into a guard rail by the exit, where it crashed to a stop and burned to the frame."

That one made my day.


Tuesday, February 15, 2005
what the fuck?   I   luba   I   timea

Remember Bulgegate. If for no other reason than it is totally believable. Aliens may not have buzzed a few yokels out in the sticks, the Lockness monster may be total horse shit, and Bigfoot some assclown in a gorilla suit, but this one I can see happening.

And I'm a total conspiracy nut. And how.

Oh for fucks sake, it's five days till the Old Pueblo. I'm stoked. Really I am. Sure, I've never been in worse shape for the event. And this will be the fifth year I've done it. Worst shape ever. And I couldn't care less.

Ok, I could care less. And I could care more. I'm right smack dab in the middle of caring. I need a hug… Or a set of bumper nuts.

Hey look, Lucas has some new vids to serve up. Speaking of server, I feel bad for his. It's about to get clobbered.

It's clobberin' time.

  From: woody
Subject: thanks
I see you run a nice blog there... And thanks for listing my redheads gallery in your header. If you like more of what I do, visit instant-woody.com/forum and just snarf whatever you like.

Instant Woody. I like that. And I think a lot of the boys are going to like it as well.

This next one scares me. I don't know if it's all that true, but maybe it doesn't matter either way. It's still scary if its only kinda true.

That kind of thing makes you want to get a tattoo right about dead center of you chest that reads "push here".

  From: Corey the Courier
Subject: Livestrong???
While taking a break from the cold at work as a bike messenger yesterday in the bookstore, I began flipping through the various bike magazines in the front of the store. One juicy little tidbit I learned is that if you are wearing the yellow LIVESTRONG bracelet and you get whacked, the hospital will think it means "DO NOT RESUSCITATE". Emergency room personnel have limited time to make decisions about your life and death. The blood oozing from your brain may have covered the livestrong writing leaving only bits of yellow. You may be making the case for being an organ donor by wearing that crap.

Oh yeah, as I got up to leave someone flipped me a yellow bracelet. Yeah, thanks buddy, but no thanks.

Philly Phorever

Good times.

  From: Rudy
Subject: Riding to work
Yeah, you're an inspiration. I got up this morning and looked outside at the 40 degree weather (no rain) and grabbed for the keys, 'cuz you know down in Texas there's just nothing better than cranking up a 27-year-old Ford F150 that needs a tank of gas every 4 days (a whopping 11 mpg) to drive the 7 miles to work. Walked right past the new sub-19 lb road rocket with new tires and the PI Wasabi jacket that gets too freakin' warm to wear unless it's around 30 degrees and blowing to go stuff some more money in the pockets of the oil companies and justify the war in Iraq. All this adds up to me being a hypocritical pussy that doesn't appreciate what they've got....

"...It just don't come no better than a Bear."
Lyle Lovett

I think what our friend Lyle meant to say was "It just don't come no better than a beer."

But, you know, each to his own and all that. You know me, I'm glad to do what I can. We should both be riding more these days it seems. Have you ever noticed how much more fun it is to ride your bike to work than it is to drive? I hate dealing with the traffic and all the assholes. It sucks. All of it sucks. I swear, it takes years off your life.

And it usually pisses me off pretty good, all that nonsense. I get all bent out of shape about things, while riding just smoothes me out.

Go figure.


Monday, February 14, 2005
thongs for me   I   brunettes for you   I   redheads for dave

Happy Valentines Day.

A year ago today Marco Pantani died.

Quote of the Day
February 14, 2005 - "He's become a biking maniac. He's obsessed with it. He now likes to do nothing but work out on his bike, and he does it with a frenzy that is reserved for people like Lance Armstrong." --White House media adviser Mark McKinnon on President Bush

Uh huh.

Check out these pics from the Hubble.

Then check out David Clinger. Damn homey. That is some shit. You won't see me doing that. But, then again, I am a pussy.

Since everyone is chiming in on the subject, I figured I might as well: He can tattoo himself with anything he wants to. Free country. Do whatever you want to. But he isn't exactly guaranteed employment. It goes both ways.

That said, if Webcore drops him, someone else will pick him up in a heartbeat. And then he can spend the rest of his season making sure Webcore never wins a race.

This could get very interesting.

A damn good one over at the Daily Kos concerning the split of the conservative right and fascism in America. I'll be giving that one the nod.

Check out this new deal coming at from the fine folks at absinthe.bz. This is your ticket to ride, baby. Have fun with it.

  From: CRS
Subject: Re: Bumwine -or- Energy drink alternatives
Big Jonny,
Thought you might enjoy this: bumwine.com
Good comparison to the cheap beer review at singlespeedoutlaw: singlespeedoutlaw.com/issue5/taproom.shtml
Who needs Red Bull? Unless its this kind: 40ozmaltliquor.com/redbull.html
Cheers!

The best thing to come out of last year was DJ Danger Mouse. Hands down. Check out his website and stream his new album. I'll be giving that one the nod too.

Ladies and Gentlemen: Karen Kwiatkowski.

  From: Response
Subject: Live Wrong
Well,
I got a CARE package from uncle Pete. A Bicycle bell that looks like a fist punching a chili pepper, a book on how to invert a small to mid size government using house-hold items, a box of ammo and a stylish LIVE WRONG bracelet. The enclosed note said, "Dear Response, I hope you enjoy these items and I am looking forward to receiving your Thomson Elite seat post, it was too good for your POS anyways. I am off to Mexico with my slanty-girl and will return in a few weeks. When I get back we'll ride bikes, get drunk and do some shooting."
Pete.

I put the bracelet on, not bad! Thanks Big Sausage Party, err Jonny. Then I flipped the note over. It said "P.S. of course I rubbed my nuts on everything! What are you new?".

I suppose that explains the pubes.

Keepin it wrong is keeping it real.


Sunday, February 13, 2005
looks familiar   I   redheads for dave   I   hottie with a bike

So much for Cleveland. I'm back and I'm proud to say I made it out alive. I was supposed to fly back on Saturday morning. Yeah right. One mechanical snafu later involving a smaller plane than the one they sold all the damn thickets for, and I'm enjoying another evening with relatives. At least I got a first class upgrade and a $350 dollar voucher to show for my troubles.

The real fun was today, when the exact same bag, with the exact same shit stuffed in it got pulled out of the x-ray machine. If that wasn't enough, and believe me it should be, the same bag also failed a screening for bomb residue.

No shit. Bomb residue. And the day before I walked right through the same security checkpoint on my way to discovering me and eleven of my new close friends were not going anywhere on the much smaller replacement plane they pulled out of their ass. Do not pass go, do not collect two hundred dollars. Sit down and shut the fuck up.

They wiped the inside of each of my bags three big compartments with some type of white fabric swatch things, tested them in some machine. And then a lot of lights turned on. Just as suddenly, I became very popular with men and women of TSA.

What is the nature of your business in the Cleveland area? How long have you been here? What is your final destination? Please step over here. Can you remove your jacket?

Fuckers.

When I finally got through with that crapola the fucking airport bar wasn't even open yet. The bars in an airport should be immune to state liquor laws as far as I'm concerned. If you have to sit around on your thumbs you should be able to buy booze.

At least I remembered a flask. I had vodka, and they happened to sell orange juice. And the Times. Everything worked out just fine and dandy.

How 'bout that Ahmed Chalabi. What a guy. Um. Giddy up. And here is a ton of music for ya. My fav? The Deep Throat Anthology.

Trust me, its there.

  From: Tony
Subject: Bling Bling
Yo Johnny,
The boys here at Wild Rose were killing a slow winter day and came across an ad in the "Bicycle Retailer" trade mag for Cadillac bicycles. As you can imagine, they are real beauties. WTF?:
cadillacbicycles.com/av8.0i.html
Would look pimp on the back of the Escalade dontcha think?


Wednesday, February 9, 2005
myrian   I   more myrian   I   what the fuck?

A couple quick thoughts on driving vs. riding to work, a battle most of us know all to well. Especially in winter.

Today, or this morning rather, the weather was good. More that good, it was great. And I was gearing up to drive. And by "gearing up" I pretty much mean not gearing up at all. For driving is like quitting. It's easy. You don't need much of anything. No gloves, hat, helmet, pant clips or jacket. You just walk out to the car and roll.

It's pussy shit and we all know it.

I was being lazy, and I went for car. It's an easy rut to get into, and I've driven more in the last three weeks than I care to share. Let's just leave it as a bit to much with the car and leave it at that.

So, this morning I thought to myself, what the hell am I doing as I walked out of the house with the car keys in my hand. It's not snowing sideways, the streets aren't covered with ice. And the sun is shining.

God damn it man, don't blow a chance like this, get on your bike.

And so I did.

Which leads, not really at all, into bike kill.

Hormones are out there, and they know where you live. Be warned, and be prepared. Make sure you review this helpful manual from the Homelife Security Alert Advisory.

This may well be the completer collection of bloodninja chat room antics.

And esuvee something.

Or, maybe some really shitty essays are more up your alley? Click here.

  From: bike psyke
Subject: dirty birds
Gotta love people over at cox.net, they gave us that lovely lass with all that ass, now you can spread legs with your mouse....

But I actually wrote in to comment on the Eagles.

Bad coaching, pure and simple, not just during the game either. You had two players go down because of cramping. What the fuck was that? Lack of preparation is what. McNabb sick? Perhaps hydrating well before the game might have helped. When all was said and done, the eagles were simply out coached. Reid should be tied down and covered with bits of carrion in the aviary at the philadelphia zoo. That might teach him to pay more attention to detail.

BTW, I'm from MA, a big patriots fan, and even I was perplexed over the lack of urgency. Happy, but perplexed. I hate to see the other team just plain choke. But to be fair, it _was_ the most even contest of the playoffs.

Now, this guy is a Eagles fan. I hope he doesn't lose his Goddamn fingers.

  From: Three Cat Zoo
Subject: RE: So, how sick does a guy have to be before you put in Detmer
I'm thinking terminally ill in a morphine-induced coma with all four limbs either missing or paralyzed would be the correct standard to apply here.

Ouch. Sorry to all the Detmer fans out there.

Lets go with Blake.

  From: Ben
Subject: I'd take a bullet for Reid
I know its popular to hate on reid and OC brad childress for the most craptacular hurry up offense ever witnessed by man, but THEY SCORED on that drive. That extra minute don't mean shit if they turned the ball over on downs.

Eagle fans need to shut the fuck up. Bunch of cry baby bitches. Reid is the best thing that ever happened to the franchise. The Eagles will get yet another shot next year. Who will stop them? Dallas? That overrated spaz in atlanta? That old southern dipshit in greenbay? (3 int's is a good game for farve)

Stop bitching. Eagles rule. Grab a beer and sing the Eagle fight song.

E-A-G-L-E-S, EAGLES!

God damn if I ain't glad I'm wearing green right now.

This email is a few day, er, weeks, old, but you still ought to read it.

  From: Robert
Subject: Race Report
Big J
After seeing your post about the Idiotarod we scrambled and got a team together Monday. We drove down to NYC from Troy NY via Worcester MA to race. our pre-race training was heavy drinking. With a team hangover and name, we made it to the start line. It was a vicious race, cross checking and sabotage ran rampant. we got expanding foam sprayed into our wheels at one point, and bike locks were used to chain up unguarded carts. the 20 minute checkpoints seemed like a chance for the race organizers to allow their friend's teams to go early, thus maintaining the cycle of cheating and sabotage. We finished 15th overall, and it was fucking awesome time. recommend to all next year.

here are some of our pics from the S/F lines and CPs.
malicio.us/gallery/Idiotarod
rpi.edu/~thomar4/stuff/

Now that is how you liven up the winter time doldrums.

  From: Chris
Subject: Re: fuck keith bontrager
Todd Shadow stepping up to the plate. They say you can't make everybody happy all the time but that is pretty close. There will be much bell ringing.

No updates for a few days, I'm heading out of town tomorrow. I'll be spreading my drinking between airport bars and shitty restaurants in the Cleveland area. I'm terrified of Cleveland. The high there tomorrow is supposed to be 30 degrees. With snow. Perfect. Just fucking perfect.

I'll be back in two days time.


Tuesday, February 8, 2005
forget about it   I   redhead for dave   I   lucie

Some move-the-mouse-around type shit for those who need some more excitement in their lives. Here are two three minute distractions: the spreadthoselegs.swf and the allthosepeoplethatyouknow.swf.

Don't say I never did nothin' for ya.

How sick was Donovan McNabb during the Super Bowl? Well, pretty damn sick it seems. So, how sick does a guy have to be before you put in Detmer or Blake for a few snaps?

I guess I'm just second guessing everything and I should shut the hell up.

  From: Brad
Subject: Three Cat Zoo
Are you blaming the Fecals loss on Andy Reid? I guess he should keep his fat ass on the sideline so he doesn't throw any more interceptions.

McNabb's shitty aim, or total lack thereof, killed the Birds. And the piss poor time management, the lackadaisical wandering back to the line of scrimmage and the questionable play calling falls squarely on Reid's broad shoulders.

He's got to convince these guys that ever second matters when you're down by ten in the fourth quarter. How 'bout a little no-huddle action? I mean, you don't have a scripted six or eight plays you can run through without having to stand around talking about fucking candlesticks as a nice gift? Tick tick, mother fuckers.

If you live in Phoenix and are in the market for an escort, look no further.


Monday, February 7, 2005
fabi   I   alexa rae   I   zhanna

Hey, look, LeMond won his lawsuit against PTI Holdings.

And what the hell is up with David Clinger? Anyone got a picture of that tattoo? Send 'em in, kids.

My man Museeuw fucked up:

July 2, 2003
Museeuw: "A wasps' nest, can you work one out? I'm leaving on Wednesday for a training camp.
I have no sight of the wasp. I have no control until 28/7."
Landuyt: "Now I would take 80-100 wasps and at the start of the training camp a minimum of 40 and maximum of 60 wasps. Then completely clean from 19/7. It has to be in the inner tube. Test with washing machine."

Are you a peter puffer?

  From: Three Cat Zoo
Subject: At least the Birds put up a fight.
Yep, the Belichik-coached Birds beat the Reid-coached Pats hands down ten times out of ten. You know the Boston guys woke up this morning and knew they had been in a football game. Watching the Birds piss the clock away at the end of both halves just made me nuts. When Pinky caught a couple of tough balls over the middle early on I though for sure things were headed the right way......

A couple of weeks ago I wanted to give Pinkston a kick in the nuts. Last night, I wanted to give him the keys to the city. Man, that guy stepped up.

Aside from that, Philly is Phucked.

Ok, here is some information about the goings on at the Old Pueblo race from the Grand Race Promotor, one Mr. T. Sadow:

"Over the past year there have been several deaths amongst the mountain bike community and Epic Rides participants. As result it is difficult to single out one particular person when each of them meant the world to various people amongst the community.
I do think however, that the answer is to properly acknowledge each of those who past in a non-biased way. Through the event we will have a bell to ring near the bike staging area for those who choose to ring the bell for whomever close to them has passed (as you head out for a lap).
Additionally, in the event newspaper we will make mention of each of the people, including Kyle."

I'm happy with it.


Sunday, February 6, 2005
Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck
At least the Birds put up a fight.

I'm so pissed right now I can't see straight. And depressed. And maybe a little drunk.

God damn it. 21-24. I want to hang myself.

Ok, enough about the Eagles. Good night.


Sunday, February 6, 2005
katie   I   cutie   I   cuties

I put in for Leadville again, for reasons I do not fully understand. I got my entry card in the mail on Saturday. I'm in.

Yippie.

Super Bowl Sunday. Go Eagles. I've got a dozen cheesesteaks I bought down at Uncle Sams in Phoenix, and I'm lookin to party. Is eating just part of the Philly experience?

PHILADELPHIA, Feb. 4 - This city's buildup to its first Super Bowl appearance in 24 years reached a fevered and boozy pitch Friday morning with an outlandish Eagles pep rally and eating contest known as the Wing Bowl.

Read it all here.

Wow, I didn't know Saddam Hussein Killed Laci Peterson.

Well, that's it. I'm out of here. I've got a game to watch. It might just kill me.

I'll leave you with the Propaganda President.


Friday, February 4, 2005
lesbians   I   tyler   I   monica

Happy Friday. The work week is over, and I ain't complaining a bit.

Eagles. Super Bowl. This Sunday.

Am I nervous? Hell yeah I'm nervous. The Birds haven't been to the big game since I 1980. And who knows how much longer it'll be before they go again.

Aside from the agony and ecstasy this weekend will bring, it's also a chance to actually ride my bike. What a nice change that'll be. Riding.

I did get in some snowshoe time list night. And that was pretty cool. Even though is was colder than fuck. I wasn't out more than thirty minutes when my camelbak started freezing up. And I'm not just talking about the hose portion either. I'm talking about the whole damn thing.

Putting it inside my jacket fixed that little problem right up. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, I am a genius.

My man Scholnick is a mad foosballer, and he kicks my ass. But he ain't shit compared to this action.

The BBC is usually up on things, but they really missed the mark when discussing wristbands. No mention of livewrong? Where is the love?

  From: Carson
Subject: PR Hell
And I thought our clients were a pain in the ass. Some poor Marine Corps PR dude is scrambling today. "Uh, what the general meant was..."
cnn.com/2005/US/02/03/general.shoot/index.html.

Good times. I'm glad the guys running the big show are working with all their marbles. Fucking bunch of lunatics.

Max Schmeling has died. His life story is a good one. We all could do so much, eh?

So, you like a little music do you? Check out . My two picks: fit but you know it, by the streets, and dirt off your shoulder, the dj dangermouse remix.

  From: SpongeButt SquareHead
Subject: RE: Jesus v. SpongeBob
O Potentate of Potables,
It goes, it goes. We went from 70 degrees and sunny to 30 and slushy in less time than it takes an Old Testament fuckstick to out a cartoon character as a bum-puncher. This sort of meteorology makes GreaseSicles of the old drivetrain and throws a damp, gray blanket of vicious bitterness over my brain cell.

But that's not what I'm here to talk about. No, I'm here to tell you about this:
washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/articles/A50051-2005Jan30.html

We owe it to Science to examine this new product with the beady, bloodshot eyes of DrunkCyclist. Will it give you the shakes, the shits or both? Can a user blow a point-two-three and still do a ten-point-oh set of Stupid Human Tricks for a Smokey Bear?

I favored the Red Hook Double Black Stout back in the day, a tasty, bomber-size beverage that employed Starbucks coffee as a flavor-enhancer, and lemme tell ya, Bub, it let you act the fool for the better part of quite some time. You paid for the ride with a touch of colitis and some ultra-severe brain cramp, the kind you get from stuffing your skull into a trash compactor (don't ask). I suspect this newest product may yield many of the same results, albeit while tasting not a little like ass.

Cheers,
SpongeButt SquareHead
Focus on the Fairies

Yes, it seems to be the type of work cut out for men like us. I'll have to look into it. Maybe at the 24 hour race?


Thursday, February 3, 2005
smoke it   I   sydney moon   I   biking nudity

Last nights cruiser ride turned out to be pretty damn fun. I think I'll be checking that one out again in the coming weeks. We drank a few beers, rode around, skidded on ice and snow, and wrecked a couple of times.

I stuffed it up in a couple of snowbanks. As it should be. More fun than a sherry enema, I'll tell you that much.

It starts at 7:00 pm, down at Pay'n Take. Blame it all on DK, it's his deal. I'm just along, er, for the ride.

Check out the oops list.

Go Eagles.

  From: eric
Subject: story links
Thought you might like this link about a fine establishment getting forced out of business by a bunch of overly conservative peeps.
cnn.com/2005/LAW/02/02/nude.juice.bar.ap/index.html

Good times. Remember kids, nudity is evil. Just like drugs, sex, booze and anything else that's fun.

But cognitive dissonance, well, that's just fine and dandy.

Cognitive: Having a basis in or reducible to empirical factual knowledge.
Dissonance: Lack of agreement, consistency, or harmony; conflict.

At least we can trust in the press.

  From: Carson
Subject: Red state quote of the day
"Tolerance itself can be a very dangerous word," said the Rev. Terry Fox, a Southern Baptist pastor in Wichita, Kansas.

It just makes you feel good, doesn't it? What would Jesus day about that?

Whatever.

Check out a shit ton of videos over at bigboys.com.

Feel like kicking some elderly ass? Sure you do. Click here.

So, my man J-Dub likes to troll ebay while he's at work. He also likes to buy and sell a ton of crap. I figure, fuck it, I can do that too. So, I find this badass 62cm Merckx with Campy Super Record and shot a load in my pants.

Now I gotta sit here in wet boxers for the rest of the day, fuck you very much.

It's a good thing I don't have an extra $950 dollars sitting around. Otherwise I'd have a new bike right now.

Shit, as soon as my shorts dried out I found this. And then this. God damn it. Stop torturing me.

On the bright side, I guess you really can't drink beer and piss your way out of an avalanche. Damn it.

Maybe you want to see 23,245 pictures of naked chicks over at Stileproject?

I don't know what is up with this. Just read it, I suppose. "I'm as big a star as Lance", argues LeMond.


Wednesday, February 2, 2005
ass parade   I   dim bulb   I   milf lessons? wtf?

Ever feel like you're just another fucking insect? Sure you do. I know I do.

I've got about all of nothing today. Stuff more wristbands into envelopes, march on down to the post office and ship them around the world. Good times I suppose.

Tonight is the "cruiser ride". I'm not entirely sure what I'm signing on for, but I'm game. Something about beers and bikes with one gear. Seems to work, eh?

I haven't been on my bike much this week. A combination of it being really cold outside and me being a complete fucking pussy. Go figure.

Of course, the weather outside can hardly be blamed for me not getting in any trainer time inside. At least as an argument that holds up under any amount of scrutiny. And we all now the folks that come to read this site are all about scrutiny. No quarter asked, none given.

Yep, it must be because I'm a fucking pussy.

I guess tomorrow I'll have to go snowshoeing. Get out and do something. All I've been doing is working. Yee haa. Somebody fucking shoot me.

Oh yeah, today is groundhog day. Big fun. I guess we'll all know how much longer winter will last by this afternoon.

Ladies and Gentlemen: Dick Cheney.

  From: Dan
Subject: silent protest
hey there Jonny. So we're finally getting snow here in the Northeast, and I'm riding my trainer into a frenzy, which brings me to my next point: the trainer is the bike gods' way of saying they want us to have fun, but not during the winter. Anyway, I wanted to thank you for linking my site (broken spoke) and ask you for one more favor. On my site, I'm encouraging folks to come up with ideas for silent protests (against Bush, against the war, against environmental rape, etc). I basically want people to E-mail me at d_cavallari at yahoo.com with pictures or descriptions for silent protests: signs, art, gestures, actions...you name it. I want to post the pics and essays on my site for all to see and share. NOTE: folks from outside the U.S. are also highly encouraged to participate!!!

That said, if you could help get the word out, I'd appreciate it. Oh, and if you haven't already heard, Germany of all places is on to Rummy. Check it out: english.aljazeera.net/NR/exeres/8EBCFED0-6677-4F9F-B0D0-6995460FCEFA.htm

Also, here's a long, rambling political essay I wrote. Feel free to read it, post it, or throw it away.

In America, we are, in fact, fighting an important war, and it has nothing to do with Iraq. It has nothing to do with terrorists or freedom or God. It has to do with apathy. It has to do with ignorance. And it has to do with corporate greed. The world sees Americans as fat, lazy, stupid, apathetic cowboys, and this imagery is, to a point, true. But it is also vastly inaccurate for the majority of Americans. I know, I know, you're sick of hearing us "liberals" saying sorry for the mess, we voted for the other guy. But the truth is, no one was really wild about Kerry, either.

I don't consider myself a staunch democrat or a bleeding heart liberal. I consider myself American, and inherent with that label is a responsibility to keep myself informed. That's why I'm enraged about the war in Iraq; but beyond that, I'm enraged about the war in the U.S. It's a war being waged by our President and big business against education, against peace, against the environment, and against any sense of morality. The sense of that word--morality--has been morphed into a misnomer, something that represents steadfastness and blind persistence in the face of facts that should not be ignored but are being ignored regardless. Bush is persistent, Bush is steadfast...but he is not moral. Kudos to him, however, for successfully duping the country--though it wasn't really all that hard. How many Americans are really going to pick up the dictionary to find out what "morality" means anyway?

Many Americans are uninformed. This is true. But, there are two types of uninformed Americans: there are the uninformed Americans who choose to be ignorant and apathetic, and there are those Americans who have no opportunity to be informed. The former group is fueled by complacency in commercialism and capitalism: these are the folks who continue to drive SUV's, even though they know and understand how much harm they do to the environment. These are the folks who didn't care who won the election because they felt their lives wouldn't change either way. These are the people who are content being fat, lazy, and spoonfed their information. These are the people waving flags and chanting, "God Bless America."

The latter group is the real American victim. These are the lower class people who spend their days working minimum wage jobs just to survive. These are the people in slums and subsidized housing--a disproportionate amount of them minorities--who will wholeheartedly become soldiers because it's their opportunity to get out of the rough parts of town. These are the people who grew up in places in America that look like warzones in Iraq. These are the people who can't afford higher education, who don't have the know-how to make informed decisions. These are the victims that America ignores.

There are also two factions among the Americans who do, in fact, care about who is leading this country. Most label them as Democrats or Republicans--or Red Staters and Blue Staters--but this, too, is a misnomer that our "Uniter, not a divider" of a president effectively utilized to paint democrats as freedom-hating traitors, thereby alienating half the country. Does that sound like something a uniter would do? The facts go something like this: there are Americans who believe Bush did the right thing by going to war because Saddam Hussein was a vicious dictator. These people are correct: Saddam Hussein was a horrible man doing horrible things. But he was not our enemy...at least not yet. We went to war with him not because of his dictatorship or oppression, but because he had our oil, and our president had a vendetta. Our president rode the wave of a national tragedy to boost the American economy--or so he thought. In the long run, it hurt us and our economy, not to mention several parts of the world. Now, we are stretched too thin globally, we are ignoring real threats because we don't have the manpower to fight, and we are lying to our own people to keep them on our side. Enter the ignorant/apathetic american. They are blinded by patriotism and accept the spoonfed arguments the pundits and spinners shovel at them. This is where America starts getting in its own way.

The flip side are the so-called liberals. But what exactly is a liberal, and when did it become such a bad word? Many people voted for Kerry not because they felt he would be a better president, but because they were embarrassed by our borderline-warmongering leader. These people are so varied and diverse that to call them a Democrat is to do them an injustice. Some are, in fact, liberal. Some are merely afraid of the direction in which America is headed. Some are frustrated folks who feel hopelessly ineffective in their attempts to change the world.

The bottom line is this: Americans are afraid. They are afraid because their own leaders have convinced them to be afraid. They are afraid because the environment is suffering while fellow Americans blithely consume, consume, consume. They are afraid because we went to war with a faceless enemy. They are afraid because when we couldn't find that enemy, we made one. They are afraid because we all know we lied to the world and we can't get out of it. They are afraid because we know there are threats staring us in the face, and we can't defend ourselves.

Not all of America has turned a blind eye. We are here, we are angry, and we are working for change. We are operating out of fear, and that has proven to be dangerous. But there are some of us operating out of frustration and oppression (yes, oppression. When your leaders lie to you to keep you quelled, you are oppressed), and that can me monumental. It was in 1776 when we were oppressed by the British, and if we are oppressed by our own leaders, we will act monumentally. Maybe we'll even ride off into the sunset...

My not-so-silent protest will be the continuation of drunkcyclist for four more years.

Say it with me now, just like a Bush supporter drunk on power, blinded by blood lust and the fury of the reelection juggernaut: "Four More Years! Four More Years! Four More Years! Four More Years!"

One more and I'm out:

  From: Bob
Subject: H2 move over
Jesus Fucking Christ, I'm heading to the hills;
autoweek.com/files/specials/2005_detroit/jeep/hurricane/pages/1.htm

Well at least the Utah legislature is thinking.

House Bill 49 of the 2005 session will change the law in the way that motor vehicles pass bicycles. At this time the law simply states that a car must pass at a "safe distance" which we all know from experience can be 2 inches or twenty feet depending upon the motorist. This bill will specify that when a car passes a bicycle, either from behind or head on, that there must be three feet between any part of the car (mirrors, etc) and the cyclist.

The purpose of this bill is, simply, to save lives and prevent injuries. Every car/bicycle accident is preventable: the purpose of this bill is to try to prevent such accidents.

This bill is not partisan: it does not discriminate between young or old, rich or poor, urban or rural, democrat or republican. This bill will help educate the driving public to provide more space to the cyclist and will provide law enforcement with a more definable law to enforce.

Please contact your Representative and your Senator and urge passage of this bill. Refer to it as House Bill 49. You can go to: http://www.le.state.ut.us for links to the House and Senate, and to learn more about the bill.

There will be a press conference/bicycle safety rally in support of the bill on January 26 at 11:30 am to about 12:20PM, on the grounds of the Capitol: the west side of the central plaza. Please attend wearing a bike jersey (yellow if you have one) and, if possible, bring/ride your bike. We hope that the video and print media will be there to help spread the word about this bill. If you have any questions, go to cyclingutah.com.

We are confident that the passage of this bill will save lives and prevent injuries to cyclists. Any and all support would be most appreciated.

The text of HB49 in .pdf format

Time to go ride bikes…


Tuesday, February 1, 2005
katie   I   nadia   I   lesbians rule

Oh dear God, it's February 1st. And I'm a fat fuck. This is going to be a weird year. I'm trying this new thing, working with the seasons instead of against them. What that ends up meaning, pretty much, is that I'm not riding while there is snow on the ground.

I've plenty of time to worry about riding when the trails are dry. And beating off.

So, instead, I've been fucking off and accomplishing a grand total of nothing. Hey, it's a life. I could be spending my time going to a thousand different bars.

Have you seen the Iraq photo project?

Hell of a site, factivism.com. Have a look, if not for the content, the links are great. I liked this one comparing the 80's movie Red Dawn with the insurgency in Iraq. The conclusion drawn being they are fighting us because invading armies are never welcome.

And, in my opinion, the comparisons to the liberation of France from the Nazis by the Allies is a weak one. The Nazis only had France under their thumbs for a few years, and the memory of self government and freedom from oppression was fresh in the hearts and minds of the population.

When the Nazis were routed, the pieces were all in place for France to run herself. With Iraq it is a far different situation. We're trying to flip the whole script, the plan being this democracy thing is infectious. We want it to spread throughout the region like a wildfire.

Or course, the example of Iraq, or more precisely stated, the example we made out of Iraq isn't exactly a beacon of hope throughout the Arab world. Kinda knocks this whole infectious democracy thing out of the box before it even gets started, doesn't it?

Are you porn happy?

  From: Crotaline
Subject: Can't WAIT till she's legal!!
news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/wiltshire/4222509.stm
I'm never riding my bike in the UK...
damn.

I say we better keep her away T, the 12 and under MBAA champ. Could send his father to an early grave.

Clientcopia - To cope with difficulties of a client attaining professional services and act to overcome them, despite that client's blatant stupidity.

Decanio's shitcan letter bidding still open. Own your little piece of cycling history.

Better late than never, I suppose…

  From: CA
Subject: It's time you got religion!
Hey, Jonny --
Greetings from Massachusetts. (See you Sunday ... heh, heh ... 'nuf 'ced!)

Anyway, this might be too late for you to post, but I'm sure it's of interest to you all the same.

I'm going to the Rock Bottom Brewpub tonight, February 1st, where my buddy Gerry O'Connell is the brewer. It's a good sign when a brewpub has a chubby fella from Dublin operating the tuns, so it is, and I'm going there because today is the Feast of St. Brigid of Kildare.

My wife is from Kildare, so it's like we're family, in a Charlie Manson "extended family" sort of way. Plus, Brigid is a saint, and this is her holy day. And it's important to drink beer today.

Why?

Because saints all have miracles associated with them. St. Joan of Arc saved the French from eating eel pie and Marmite. St. Patrick loaded all the snakes in Ireland into his 1948 Buick Roadmaster and drove them into the ocean, so they could swim to America and become lawyers. And St. Attila held the Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch on high, and commanded that one should pull the Holy Pin and count three ... one, two, five!

So St. Brigid has a miracle, too. What's hers?

*** SHE TURNED HER BATH WATER INTO BEER! ***

I'm serious. Check this out -- catholic-forum.com/saints/saintb03.htm -- wherein she prays, "I would like a great lake of beer for the King of Kings. I would like to be watching Heaven's family drinking it through all eternity." Amen, and amen! Verily, I say unto thee, if the loonies who're railing on poor old Sponge Bob Tentpants would shut up and hold a kegger, we'd all be a lot happier!

Brigid is *my* kind of saint! With her drinkin' buddy able to turn water into wine, I want these two at my Super Bowl party, wherein the Patriots shall be blessed once again with the Trophy of Lombardi (so shall it be written, so shall it be done!).

I'm not going to piss off old Brigie, so I'm going to the brewpub. I advise you to repent, and to do the same.


I couldn't get the link to load, but I figure something is up with the site. Might be fixed up by tomorrow. I did find this. No mention of beer in that last one though.

Another one with a lot of fluff and no booze. Ah, this one ought to do it: Beer Saints.


 
Paying the Bills

Kona Bikes

Coconino Bikes

Showers Pass Saved My Ass

drunkcyclist video store

Adult Friend Finder

Pay-n Take


Heavies
aclu
air america radio
american prospect
andrew sullivan
antiwar
bbc
beast
becker-
posner-blog

blows against the empire
bull moose
chomsky.info
cnn
crooks and liars
daily kos
democracy now
democratic underground
economist
eye of the storm
fairness and accuracy in reporting
fighting bob
get your war on
green party
guerrillanews
huffington post
ilana mercer
jim hightower
juan cole
life after the oil crash
matthew yglesias
maureen dowd
media matters
michael moore
move on
news vine
new york times
national public radio
old american century
paul krugman
rude pundit
slate
smirking chimp
talking points memo
think progress
tpm muckraker
truth dig
truth out
whiskey bar
whitehouse
wolfblog
wonkette

Blog Roll
alaska bike blog
antibike
arctic glass
attytood
austin king
bacon strip
barb haley
becky broeder
bikeblog
bikescag
biken breakfast
blasphemous bicycler
broken spoke
cola bike
cows-suck
dara marks-marino
defeatists
douche blog cycling
epic rider
escortblogs
fables of the reconstruction
fat marc
flick lives
gewilli
handlebar sandwich
jethro bodine
joel yates
kerry litka
mooseknuckler alliance
le societe des demoncats
lorelei lee
old and slow
one speeder
paul katcher
phil zajicek
pro bike support
racer jared
ride trash
tree farm
richard sachs cross reference
river rant
rottenmac
soggy frog
steevo
steve garro
stolen underground
the doof sucks
todd wells
two wheeled locust
upside out
voodoo blog
wolfblog

Coffee Achievers
caffeinated cyclists
53 x 11 coffee
doma coffee
veloce coffee

Games
boob puzzle
bush shoot out
chuck norris
clay kitten shooting
copter
cub shoot
line rider
line rider official
neverland
old school
paper toss
penguin game
scooter death
shooter II
star poker
watch out behind you hunter
wagenschenke

Heroes
us military casualties

Philly Phorever
ashburn alley
billy penn project
desert eagles nest
eagles. aolsportsblog
philadelphia eagles
philly.com

The Sixers.
The Flyers.
The Eagles.
The Phillies.

Last 20 Visitors










Doreo Hosting :: Affordable Reliable Solutions

  DrunkCyclist.Com 2007