A quick little update before I shuffle off to bed. In late from Tucson. Big fun weekend in the sunshine.

Man, they got it good down there.

Country before party.

I decided against the Soul Ride yesterday. When I put in two hours on the road bike Saturday after a good six week break, well, my legs told the tale. There was no way in hell I was going to finish a 60 mile mountain bike race.

If this is the bottom, I guess I know which was up is. Aside from that, I am one out of shape bastard.

And, the Halloween throw down Saturday night pretty much sealed the deal. The chances of an early wakeup and drive to Oracle, about an hour drive, were diminished exponentially with every one of the many Budweisers I put down.

I can't wait to find out how it went.

I've got a couple of funny emails that ought to help take the edge off my ability to think of anything funny to say. Thank God for that, eh?

From: C Subject: True Story We have all had bad dates...but this takes the cake. This just tells you how tough it is to be single nowadays. This was on the "Tonight Show" with Jay Leno. Jay went into the audience to find the most embarrassing first date that a woman ever had. The winner described her worst first date experience. There is absolutely no question as to why her tale took the prize! Marilyn said it was midwinter... snowing and quite cold...and the guy had taken her skiing to Lake Arrowhead. It was a day trip (no overnight). No, not Marilyn. They were strangers, after all, and truly had never met before. The outing was fun but relatively uneventful until they were headed home late that afternoon. They were driving back down the mountain, when she gradually began to realize that she should not have had that extra latte. They were about an hour away from anywhere with a rest room and in the middle of nowhere! Her companion suggested she try to hold it, which she did for awhile. Unfortunately, because of the heavy snow and slow going, there came a point where she told him that he had better stop and let her pee beside the road, or it would be the front seat of his car. They stopped and she quickly crawled out beside the car, yanked her pants down and started. Unfortunately, in the deep snow she didn't have good footing, so she let her butt rest against the rear fender to steady herself. Her companion stood on the side of the car watching for traffic and indeed was a real gentleman and refrained from peeking. All she could think about was the relief she felt despite the rather embarrassing nature of the situation. Upon finishing however, she soon became aware of another sensation. As she bent to pull up her pants, the young lady discovered her buttocks were firmly glued against the car's fender. Thoughts of tongues frozen to pump handles immediately came to mind as she attempted to disengage her flesh from the icy metal. It was quickly apparent that she had a brand new problem due to the extreme cold. Horrified by her plight and yet aware of the humor she answered her date's concerns about "what was taking so long" with a reply that indeed, she was "freezing her butt off and needed some assistance"! He came around the car as she tried to cover herself with her sweater and then, as she looked imploringly into his eyes, he burst out laughing. She too, got the giggles and when they finally managed to compose themselves, they assessed her dilemma. Obviously, as hysterical as the situation was, they also were faced with a real problem. Both agreed it would take something hot to free her chilly cheeks from the grip of the icy metal! Thinking about what had gotten her into the predicament in the first place, both quickly realized that there was only one way to get her free. So, as she looked the other way, her first time date proceeded to unzip his pants and pee her butt off the fender. As for the Tonight Show... she took the prize hands down... or perhaps that should be "pants down." And you thought your first date was embarrassing. Jay Leno's comment - - - - "This gives a whole new meaning to being "pissed off".

Have you ever noticed when a story is either titled "True Story", or starts out with the link, "This is a true story…" you can pretty much count on it being bullshit?

Why is that?

I have no idea if the above-mentioned story is true or not. I've checked out the truth or fiction webpage and came up empty handed.

Oh well, maybe it is true after all?

From: Sessa Subject: attractive nuisance Hey, man. Just got back in town yesterday and heard of your blow to the head. Had stopped off at the old house to see Fitty and Big Pun and check on the mail. Don't remember how it came up in conversation, but Fitty gave me a quick run down. Needless to say, I had to run to the shop and make sure that my wheels really were okay. As I aver that I value your personal safety and well being, let me give you hearty praise for not dropping my carbon wheel or precious life-giving beer. Still have not paid for those wheels, so it would suck to have them pranged in a drinking accident. Big kudos to Ribsteak for getting the gear and making the 'house call' to put you back together. Anyway, maybe it is time for me to relocate my extra gear to the basement where it may not be as likely to attract attention. I would have a guilty conscience if you had been concussed and unable to provide us with our outlet for bikes, porn, political diatribe and bicycle/alcohol related accidents. Speaking of which... I missed out on your shop accident as I was out of town for a friend's wedding back in sunny Gainesville, FL. I mention the sunny part as I was wearing short pants and working on my tan, only to come back here and shovel snow. Wahhh, my pussy is cold! Anyway, we had a championship bachelor party/beer ride/pub crawl and I only hit the ground once (or twice?). The groom had a good time, somehow making it home without crash or arrest, only to pass out in his back yard, attempting a Jimi Hendrix. Luckily, his fiance woke up upon hearing him come through the back gate and went looking for him when he did not make it to bed. He was rescued from the pool of vomit and was surprisingly sober for the bbq/rehearsal dinner the next day. A good time had by all. So can you incorporate your staples into a halloween costume? They are almost low enough to suggest a frontal lobotomy. I'm thinking 'escaped asylum patient.'

You wheel has never been better. I took one for the team that night. Even as a got clobbered, I had the sense of mind to make sure that carbon beauty was securely placed upon the hook before I let go of it and tended to by bleeding, well, gash I think they call it.

And, hey, it's been a week since the infamous stapling. I get to pull these fuckers out tonight.

I can't wait to find out exactly what "attempting a Jimi Hendrix" is. Light a guitar on fire and smash it? Choke on your own vomit? A combination of both?

Thursday, October 28, 2004

erica campbell   I   maria   I   lucie

Snow in the Northland (of Arizona). Yesterday they were saying, oh, an inch or so. No big deal. Not anything to be concerned about.

And it came down all friggin night long. Wake up to school closures, f'd up roads and rumors of a pre-Thanksgiving opening of the Snow Bowl ski resort. I miss the first, avoided the second and don't believe the third.

Got geared up like a mother fucker and rode the bike through the mess. I'm not all that badass as my commute can't be more than two miles. Maybe two and a half. Maybe.

But, on the same token, I wouldn't be surprised if it was a mile and three quarters.

Whatever.

I grabbed your boobs on Sunset.

Too fucking funny. I just about died reading this, the True Porn Clerk Stories. And check out some more of the journals over at IRC.

Don't ya just hate these bastards?

I know I do.

From: Gnome Subject: check the shite dangeroussquid.com/bb/abd.mov that's gotta be a top five on the hilarious scale. check it.

Yep, it's pretty damn funny.

I wouldn't be at all surprised if a person would have a little trouble registering to vote this late in the game. But on the chance I'm wrong about that one, here is truemajority.org.

Here's a little story. I know a guy, into bikes and all that, surprise right? He's never voted, and without and details on his age, lets just say he's missed a few opportunities. This wouldn't have been his first rodeo, but as things worked out this is the first time he's voted for a President.

Ok, this guys is pretty tame, pretty liberal, nothing scary. No felonies (yet). He's driving home one night, thinking, as many of us do, George Bush sucks Donkey balls. He's at a red light near his house. Well, maybe it's within the last mile or so. Close to home anyway. He's at this light and his gaze settles on this gigantic Bush poster hanging on a fence.

The fucking thing is just staring at him. Taunting him. "Nah-nah, I suck Donkey balls and I'm President!"

The light turns green, our boy goes home. Stories over, right?

No.

The night progresses, a few beers, ok, many beers are drank. Now it's getting late. And the memory of the sign is haunting him.

He's home, he's alone, he's drunk. And he's pissed.

Fuck that fucking sign. It's over, man. You're going down.

Into the jacket pocket goes the diagonal cutters, and a walking down the street we go. Now, you gotta be pretty loaded, and angry, to walk, oh, a mile, and maintain focus. Me, I probably would have woken up in the front yard. Again.

But, that, as they say, is another story. Our boy makes it to the intersection where he saw the sign. He looks left, he looks right, no cars, fuck the sign, cuts it down, and throws it in a ditch.

Done now?

No.

He looks down at the sign. Fucking huge bastard it is too. Our boy figures, shit, they'll just put it back up tomorrow. Bush looks back up at him, "Nah-nah, I suck Donkey balls and I'm President!"

What does our boy do?

He drags that son of a bitch all the way back to his house.

Now he tells me, I got this gigantic fucking sign in my house and I don't know what to do with it.

Sounds a bit like waking up with Godzilla after a night on the town, eh? Saw your arm off and hit the door running, man.

Shit, maybe he can sell it on ebay or something?

Just a couple of more days and all this will be behind us. Until then, read this email:

From: Bruce Subject: GOP Voter Suppression See newdonkey.com/2004/10/rove-mo.html The best link for the next week. We social liberals/fiscal conservatives need to fight like the real assholes, just stick our middle finger down their throats and not back down. Fuck their bullshit, we all get to vote. Be pro-active, especially in swing states moveonpac.org ourvote.com bushrelativesforkerry.com

I know I've linked that second one before, probably even this week. But, I get a kick out of it, so what the hell.

And, why didn't I think of that?

From: B Subject: votergasm.org big jonny, I don't remember seeing this on your site, thought it would fit in perfectly: http://votergasm.org http://votergasm.org/photos/cartoon Here's to more bikers getting laid by hot, politically active babes! Pass the bottle. . . .

I checked it out, and there are two election night parties in Arizona. One in Phoenix at the Trunk Space, and the other in Tucson at the Shanty.

Get your groove on.

Wednesday, October 27, 2004

nikki benz   I   monica sweetheart   I   kianna

The bombs drop in Pennsylvania. How would you like to be riding along and have one of those fuckers hit the ground next to you? I'll bet you wouldn't like it at all.

From: Fitty Subject: ranting and raving hey guys, you two are just the cutest things... you should work together more often.

Hey, you're the one that walks around naked in front of him. You can leave me out of that one, thank you very much.

From: Big Tex Subject: Foothills CX Series Race #1 It's 54 degrees, cloudy and a chance of showers followed by night time snow. We're just outside of Boulder, Colorado, and at round 2 of the Boulder Cyclocross series. The Voodoo Cycles/Drunkcyclist CX team is lined up with 40+ lovers of pain, mud, and suffering. It's Boulder. The crowds are out with their cow bells and we even have an announcer with a PA system. It's Boulder and if you didn't know, Boulder is home to many of America's elite cyclists. The starting line includes the likes of Travis Brown, Marc Gullickson, Will Frishkorn, Eddie Gragus, the whole TIAA-CREF (T-C) CX team and of course, us--lovers of porn with a side dish of PBR. (Snake tells me there's a Flag Amateur night with 25 cent draft PBR?) There's no call up. It's READY! SET! GO! Twelve of us on the front line with less than an inch separating our bars. I start out well and hear the carnage behind me--skewers crumpling spokes, skin grinding against pavement. It's not pretty. I just keep looking forward. The T-C team sends 4 guys to the front and I enter the single track about 7th. Not bad for me but Half Wheel Mike, Snake, and Legs Lehman get caught in the back are in a standstill at the first run up. Over the first grass section, I move into second place behind the 15 year old CX National Champion. Holy shit, this kid starts fast. We hit the second barrier section---a natural double followed closely by a water filled ditch. It's faster to run with the ditch so close to the barrier. I run past the kid to take the lead going into a double ditch barrier section. I launch my Voodoo over the ditches and look back to see everyone stuck hiking their bikes. There's a good gap so I enter the pain cave. The coffee is flowing well through my veins and I accelerate. There's a natural triple followed by some sluggish mud to get to a 100 meter sprint to the Finish line. I still have my gap but the T-C guys are pulling T Brown and their Team Manager? up to me. What kind of team works for the Team Manager? Pretty good deal for a team manager. I rider harder to try and crack 'em. They are splitting up and the group is no more. Only 20 minutes has passed and my gap is about 15 seconds. Meanwhile, the other Voodoo/ DC team members are having their own battles. Legs battles the wind in a lonely solo effort. Half wheel Mike slowly makes his way through the pack. Snake exchanges words with Gragus and makes Gragus reevaluate his career as a cyclist. "Never crash when you are off the front." These are words of wisdom from an infamous coach. As I enter the wooded section and cross a small bridge, I slip and slide propelling small wooden toothpicks sub-cutaneously into my shin. Adrenalin + coffee = not so much pain. I get back up quickly and can barely feel the splinters digging deeper into the muscle with each pedal stroke. Now, the group can clearly see me only 5 seconds back from my wheel. By the end of the lap, four of us are together. I get behind T Brown (he's the strongest rider in the group). No, immediate counter attacks to my position but Brown lays down some power pain. Only 3 to go and the Team Manager attacks up the paved climb. I counter hard and get an immediate gap. Brown bridges up to me. We have a gap but with one to go, 5 riders are together including Gullickson, who's been chasing all day due to a bad start. Gragus is on the sidelines. Frishkorn is in his car. The podium will be filled with final group. I'm on the front and planned to attack after the run-up but Brown beats me to the single track and attacks the run-up. He gaps all of us. I bridge on a downhill section and hang on to his accelerations. We enter the pavement. I down shift and sprint. Brown wins by half a wheel. Gullickson is third 5 seconds back followed by the Kiwi followed by the Team Manager. Now, the rain falls and we exit to Baja Fresh with two lbs of fresh coffee---its not PBR but the next best thing. Exciting day but remember don't ever crash when you're off the front. With a few podium finishes from the team, we want to renegotiate (renegotiation is not just for the ESPN sports). Can you put in a winning bid for us?: 1980 CAMARO Z 28 MONSTER TRUCK

Yeah, um, you can just keep riding your bike, sonny. Believe me when I tell you the last thing you fucking need is a Camaro running 44s.

But, for all you interested parties out there, just under two days left on that one. Get at it.

And, this one is fucking funny.

From: dan Subject: critical mass in tempe 10-29-04 Hey man, me and some friends are gonna see if there's any possibility of CM rides getting off the ground here in Tempe and i was wondering if you could post a note about it on the site? We're starting friday 7pm, at the parking lot on the NW corner of Rural and Apache (behind "the Timberwolf")...after that we'll see what happens and then hopefully end up at a quality watering hole in a couple hours.

Have fun out here, and keep the rubber side down.

It's time to vote once again.

Perhaps the way to take on the third debate is with a Rottweiler puppet and a microphone. This is totally off the fucking hook. Check out Poop Valhalla.

From: Greg Subject: Check this shit out… T4 - Judgment Day is coming... Who knew that rats would take over the world!

WTF? "25,000 neurons from the brain of a rat, scientists at the University of Florida in Gainesville have created a living "brain" that can fly a simulated high performance aircraft…"

We are doomed, aren't we?

From: Ryan Subject: eminem does good BJ, If you haven't seen this video yet you should: gnn.tv/content/eminem_mosh.html Fucking Eminem, just when I was comfortable despising him for his hate filled rhymes he goes of and does something like this. Shit.

Who knew eminem was poised to become the new Public Enemy?

And, it's just in time, ain't it? Of course, if you, say, forgot to register to vote, you're shit outta luck.

From: Jason Subject: National Celibacy Day DON'T FORGET! November 2nd is National Celibacy Day- NO DICK - NO BUSH

Ok, I won't forget. No matter how much I drink.

Another interesting article on Bush at the Guerilla News Network.

Hey, Bush loves me.

From: Robb Subject: men of great intellect "I have always strenuously supported the right of every man to his own opinion, however different that opinion might be to mine. He who denies another this right makes a slave of himself to his present opinion, because he precludes himself the right of changing it." Thomas Paine, 1783 "Free speech exercised both individually and through a free press, is a necessity in any country where people are themselves free." Theodore Roosevelt, 1918 "The truth is found when men are free to pursue it." Franklin D. Roosevelt, 1936 "If liberty means anything at all, it means the right to tell people what they do not want to hear." George Orwell, 1945 "Any time we deny any citizen the full exercise of his constitutional rights, we are weakening our own claim to them." Dwight David Eisenhower, 1963 "What is objectionable, what is dangerous about extremists is not that they are extreme, but that they are intolerant." Robert F. Kennedy, 1964 "Go fuck yourself." Dick Cheney, 2004

Pretty much says it all.

From: Richard Subject: Al Sharpton in Waterloo, Iowa Rev. Sharpton was invited to speak at a church here in Waterloo IA. I found this paragraph of what he had to say very interesting as I never thought of it before. "President Bush misled the American public and Kerry on the Iraq war, Sharpton said. "Then in the debates he said to Kerry 'You supported the war.' -- (it was) because Kerry believed you," Sharpton said. "The only mistake John Kerry made on the Iraq war was he believed George Bush. Can you imagine somebody debating you saying, 'You should have had more sense than to believe in me?' " Here's the link to the rest of the article. The best part I put above. wcfcourier.com

Right on, thanks for the link. You can always count on Al Sharpton to just come out and say it.

If he hadn't gotten caught up in that Tawana Brawley mess, who knows what he could have accomplished.

Tuesday, October 26, 2004

pavlina   I   jesse capelli   I   porn guys are stupid

First off, I'm retarded.

Second, I'm still retarded.

Third, I'm fine. Really.

Except for these fucking staples in my head. A point that may need clarification, if today's emails are any indication. Those are actual medical staples and not the ones you would use on paper.

I'm a little off, but I'm not that off.

I told my man Snake this morning, "I look like the ass end of a Turkey."

He goes, "Yeah, nothings changed there."

He had to call and see if I was bullshitting him with some old picture in that drunken email I sent him last night. Dear God, how many of those things did I write? I don't even want to know.

The Lone Star Iconoclast endorses John Kerry. And, also in the cheer me up mode, Bush relatives for Kerry.

From: Hurl Subject: nice zit, assface Johnny, jeezus. What kind of wheel did you drop on yer head? KX-250? And you're wrong; the zit does show in the pic. lots o'lube, Hurl

Fuck that zit. I took that bastard down last night. I was sufficiently motivated with self loathing and alcohol. And the fruit was ripe on the vine, as they say.

I went to work.

As I was wiping the pus ejected from my swollen pore off my nose with an alcohol soaked tissue, I caught a glance of myself and paused. I lowered the tissue and just stared. Up & Down. Staples. Blood. Pus. Fuck. I'm a God damn nightmare.

It was a new low.

And, the weapon I did this to myself with needs to be outed just like it's name was Valerie Plame. It was a rear coaster brake wheel. Dead center from point blank range. It couldn't have fallen more than 12 or 14 inches. It was hanging right over my head. I was holding a carbon road wheel, which I was putting back up on a hook, in one hand, and a beer in the other. As I hung the road wheel, I knocked things around a little I guess, and this bastard was a few hooks over and broke free. I knew it was falling, but I didn't want to drop what was in either of my hands to try and protect myself as a bottle of beer and a carbon wheel are more valuable than just about anything. I kinda just braced for the impact, not thinking it would, or could, be that bad.

I thought it might hit my head, or shoulder, and fall down to the floor. Or something like that.

Instead, that bastard kicked my ass.

Next time I should drop the carbon wheel on my head instead.

Chris Wherry and Walker Ferguson beaten and robbed while on vacation in Mexico. Makes me feel I got off easy last night.

Another embarrassing female "reveal" on live TV

Looks like shovel face Ashley Simpson caught caught lip synching on National Television this weekend. Her reaction to being outed? "My band started playing the wrong song. I didn't know what to do, so I thought I'd do a hoedown."

A hoedown?

Fuck, sister, you're a bigger idiot than I thought you were.

Video of the moment up at joker-inc. Definitely worth seeing. Kinda makes me want to cry.

I'm a hammer and everything looks like a nail.

New Get your War on strip up.

On more bit of craziness, there is this new documentary called Off to War playing on the Discovery Channel. I haven't seen it, but a friend of mine who did some time in Bosnia tells me it's the shit. Check it out here.

From: Mike Subject: gleam that has to give ya a gleam in the eye for the ol homies wnep.com/Global/story.asp?S=2477869

Yeah. Philly don't dance. And Philly says fuck Bush.

Ladies and Gentlemen, tonight's guest writer is Big Pun. Enjoy the madness:

Hi everybody, Big Pun here;

I seem to have wound up at Jonny's house after a moderate night of drinking at a few bars around the Flagstaff vicinity. We started with some Mexican joint downtown, although I enjoyed the $2.00 pints, I think that the server used to work for me and I wish that I could remember her fucking name. Anyhooters, that's a story for a different night. So… as we sit at the bar on this fine autumn eve, Jon proceeds to out drink me three ways from your mother's last sober Sunday. I don't know how or why it happened, but it would seem that a man with a fucking zipper in his head has increased drinking abilities. Maybe its Cheeba and the impending lunar eclipse, you see, Fitty and I showed up on Sunday for the Eagles game and dumbshit Jon decides to put her chew toy up in the tree (now granted, I put it in the tree first but regardless…and this has nothing to do with an eclipse) Cheeba proceeds to jump into the tree and fuck up her leg. So imagine this shit…The wife leaves home for less than a week and when she returns her husband has a fucking office supply store worth of staples in his head and a dog who will chase after a ball with four legs and only retrieve with three. So, that's where we are right now. I can't wait till Ang gets back to see this shit. How fucked up can one man make his household in one short vacation period.. I guess that we are all about to find out. But, I digress. BGR was out tonight, as was Proctor. God damn good to see those fellas. I think that Randy may be becoming more sober as the sideburns get longer…speaking of… how much of a difference does growing a beard really make in the weather. I spied Rob walking into Pay-N-Take today with some chops and a beard and could barely tell that son of a bitch from Grizzly Adams.

So back to my original rant, I stopped by the world headquarters of Drunkcyclist.com, and might I add that Jonny tried to make me forget this latest rant, I propose a name change for that fuck Jon. I mean nothing but the best for Jon, but shit, "Big Jonny" the fucking guy is barley Jonny let alone "Big Jonny". As a man of noticeable girth I object to the nomenclature of calling a man of his stature "big". For those of your who know Jon, this will be more than evident. Jon used to be a man of substance, of culture; now he takes notes on how much he rides. It is, to use the vernacular of the youth, "ReDonkulous". When it comes down to it in the pragmatic sense of the word, Jonny may be tall but he is neither big in girth nor character. I struggle to find the words to describe how many times this fella purportedly known as the "Big" Jon has bitched about how badly he got his ass beat by Tex and the Snake. The problem is, you see, that he insisted on playing on their field. The secret is making your own field on which to play. Whether that particular field be a single track or a twelve pack of Old English, it doesn't matter. What matters is that you win. By the by, I just recalled Philbert Z.'s and my last conversation which consisted of me yelling blindly at him about how much he was a pussy for not being able to drink enough. For his restraint in not kicking my ass at that very moment say Kudos to him and good luck.

But back to the rant… I do hereby propose as a the appointed Pun of the Big community that Jonny be reclassified as 'Standard Army Issue Jonny' and from here on in be prohibited from ever referring to himself as 'Big' Jonny.

Speaking of the name change, and speaking as well of the tomato juice that Standard Army Issue Jonny just put in front of me mixed with this new thing called Vodka, I would like to propose the "Metrognome". I think that the Gnome is a metrosexual. Not for any particular reason, besides I think that he'd make a great addition to the queer eye for the straight guy show, and therefore I now propose that the Gnome now be known as the office Metrognome of Drunkcyclist.com. Well; that's enough of that, I'm drunk…Jon is out of alcohol.. and I'm out of here.

Pink cookies in a plastic bag; being crushed by a building...
Cheetos and handjobs for all my men….

-Biggus Punn VI

Monday, October 25, 2004

jesse   I   dani   I   zdenka

I hate Monday.

Monday fucking sucks.

This is the letter I wrote to Snake tonight. With a picture.

From: Big Jonny Subject: fuck you forever I don't want to hear anything about the pain cave out of you for the rest of my fucking life. I am harder than you. Tonight I put a fucking 4 cm gash in my melon. I don't have any health insurance. I got stapled back together in the back of the bike shop. Then I went to the bar. You are light. I am solid. jonny

On the upside of things, I woke up with a mindfuck of a pimple on the end of my nose. Which, by the way, doesn't show up on the photo. Go figure. It doesn't seem like much now, but that's my point.

This morning I felt like fucking Rudolf, leading Santa on some gift giving mission in bad weather. Yeah, full on light bulb. A big ass blazing bastard right on the end of my nose.

Now, I don't even notice it. I've got bigger problems.

Then, as if the gruesome, and totally self inflicted, injury wasn't enough, I get this email.

From: george Subject: vote pair Ha, vote pair. I've already sent them fake info and been contacted with a Utah lib to trade votes with. I made a couple more and I'm waiting for replies. Blogs have been all over Vote Pair and thousands of people have been faking Vote Pair info to make the whole scheme useless. Just vote for the person you want in your state. Simple as that.

     These are my two replies:

That just isn't nice.

Why would you do that?

     And:

I've thought about it for a few more minutes.

What the fuck are you doing?

If some hippy dingbats want to buddy up, what difference does it make to you?

Are you willing to lie?

Think about how lame what you're doing is. Fuck dude, I'm embarrassed for you.

If you're own words are true, and I'll quote you on this one, "Just vote for the person you want in your state. Simple as that." Then why bother fucking people over?

Answer: Because you're own words are bullshit.

Secondly, why tell me?

Why do you think I need to know this?

What the fuck is wrong with you?

Fun, eh? Wish you could be me for a day? Shit. My life fucking sucks. Hey, you thing 'ol George would take a self inflicted shot to the head like I did and get fixed up on the cheap by an off duty med tech? You think he'd take staples in the head while drinking a beer? You think he knows what life is like on the bottom of the barrel?

Whisky Tango, mother fuckers.

I can't very well sign off with no explanation how just how I managed to do this to myself, can I?

Lemme put it like this, I worked in bike shops for ten years of my life, and I never managed to drop a wheel on my head. Yes. I did this to myself with a fucking wheel. Look at me. I look like fucking Frankenstein.

I fucking suck.

Sunday, October 24, 2004

wanda curtis   I   breanne   I   britney skye

Do you want to see more cycling coverage on Outdoor Life Network? Take this survey over at Velonews.

The Eagles came out on top of an inspired Cleveland Browns with a 50 yard field goal by David Akers in overtime. It was a damn good game, the viewing of which was only slightly marred by the antics of a Cleveland fan who appeared to be mentally retarded. He would leap from his chair, jump up and down a few times and yell, "That's what I'm talking about!" while swinging punches in the air, generally in the direction of the television sets along one wall of the bar.

Swear to God, after the Browns last touchdown, he nearly landed one on a waitress. He exploded out of his seat, and sailed a hook right over the girls head as she walked in front of him. She had been carrying plates of food to one of the tables, and was in the gentleman's apparently large blind spot.

Needless to say, watching him sit, stunned and at last silent, with his head in his hands, at the bar for ten minutes after Akers split the uprights was, in a word, satisfying. I thought he was going to cry like a little girl.

Fuck you, buddy. Fuck you.

How good is modest mouse? Very good indeed.

And then you have things like this crack issues video clip to watch. That is some crazy shit right there.

Need something to do next weekend? You're in luck as I have not one (1), but two (2) fine events to tell you about. First up, for all of you staying in Flagstaff, there will be a costumed scavenger hunt on Saturday night.

From: Anthony Subject: Bicycle Costume Scavenger Hunt!!! Pay n Take Saturday, October 30th. 6 pm - 9 pm FREE!!!! FREE!!! FREE!! You must be in costume and you must be on a bicycle! You must obey traffic laws. Compete as an individual or a team of up to 4. Come by Pay n Take at 6pm and get your list. Be back to Pay n Take by 9 pm. Prizes for best costume and highest score (both team and individual). Sponsored by Absolute Bikes and Pay n Take. Call Absolute Bikes for more info 779-5969.

And, for those of you in the southern end of things (closer to hell) don't miss the Soul Ride. Not a scavenger hunt in the true sense of the word, but lucky participants are sure to find pieces of my ass all over the trail.

Speaking off ass and trail, check this blast from the past:

From: Dejay Subject: captain log:8/30/04 allamuchy It felt like the end of me....i had become unglued......I needed a restart.....I knew all the pieces could fit......Believing is art !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! While planning for my trip from Germany to my folks house in New York, it sounded like a great ideal to sign up for the 24 hours of Allamuchy. This is an event held at the end of August, in the town of Allamuchy, New Jersey. Upon arriving at the venue, Jake and myself found that we would be among 100 other solo racers. Singlespeed was a registered category, but all solos would be grouped together. The only separation would be by age. The race stated with bike mounted riders in waves, 4 person,2, then singlespeeds a minute apart. After the loss of my Fisher 29er i was left with only one bike for the race. This would later come to be a disadvantage for sure. So upon my new Trek 9.8 with pace carbon rigid fork pushing a 34x20 gear ratio that i had only rode once it was time to get the race underway. This race was to be nothing in the way of speed. If it mattered what i thought i would rename it The Survival Challenge of Allamuchy. After finishing my first lap (1:19 avg.h/r 185bpm) i realized the 10 1/2 mile loop filed with 5 steam crossings, fallen trees, roots, several hik-a-bkes, and single track littered with rock gardens that brings bicycle plinko to mind was going to present some difficulty. It was apparent that this course would take its toll on all. This is when the course was in good shape. This being the east coast, i was expecting humidity, but what I got was a wall of water after waterfall. That was until the 3rd lap, when rain fell from the sky, & mud grew from the earth. The locals called, it a torrential downpour. All I know is, that I got soaked to the bone, & everything else got so damn slippery that I could barley walk on it, let alone ride it! The rain stopped after the fifth lap, but the slime remained. This is when it got even hotter & the air got thicker, kinda like an airborne puddle. At seven thirty he night started creeping in. This is when everything got really silly. The h.i.d. light i was using was like hi beams in fog (useless), so i depended on the 13 watts, which was not enough to get me around some of the time. Now being surrounded by water for 12 hours, it seemed like i was looking threw fish bowls and pedaling a submarine that some one left the screen door open to. Some how after countless crashes i made it to see daylight once again. I had to make it another six hours. it seemed like a life time away, with my finger on the physical limit button. Heading out on my 10th lap i new i was in for it. The body and brain were two separate non functioning problems It felt like the end of me, i had become unglued, i needed a restart, i knew all the pieces could fit, believing is art. . The lap took me 2:38.27...just think about that for a minute.....................okay go ahead think for yourself now. I walk the bike a lot that lap just so i could sleep. So i guess when you think about it 3 3/4 mph is not that bad for sleep walking. Upon finishing my next lap i took a look at the leaders board. Here i learned i was far enough ahead of the others in my age group that i didn't need to go out again. There were 2 guys on geared bike a lap in front of me, but they were uncatchable. It was over, in 22 hours i finished 11 laps. Enough to win my age group and 3rd overall. Jake took 2nd in our age group and 5th overall, but that is a whole other story he will have to tell ya.

I'd say our boy knows how to suffer. Good looking out.

Check out the true facts section of National Lampoon for some good yuks.

While you're there, don't miss this little ditty called Fire me you fucking prick.

Another fun one, do you reject Jesus Christ?

Yo, what? A bondage club isn't feeling the love from the Board of Regents? Say it isn't so?

Hey look, even more stuff to do this coming weekend:

From: Kyle Subject: 24 Hours of Adrenaline 24 HOA on Oct. 30-31 students and faculty of the school are going to be offering Osteopathic Manipulation to racers. We are going to be working with the Tommy 'O Bikes team but are available to the whole field for OMM treatment. I was hoping you could relay this on the site. Tell anyone interested to stop by and see us for treatment. Thanks.

Consider the world notified. More even info here.

I'm pretty sure I've linked this "Keep your Jesus off my penis" song before, but, as always, I'll just link it again.

From: Bocaj Subject: Indymedia's snatched servers Big J, I'm sitting here sipping a cool and refreshing PBR (kept cool by a sweet DC beer cozy) and thinking: I have been surprised to not see any mention of the mysterious seizure/return of some servers belonging to (or rather leased by) indymedia.org on your site. Background info: indymedia.org/en/static/fbi I certainly don't agree with many of the positions taken by a number of the indymedia folks, but I do think their situation is definitely worth mentioning in this season of hopeful political change. Word.

I haven't mentioned it on the site because, to be honest, I didn't know much about it. I've been reading through the Indy Media site on the subject.

Scary stuff.

And it sounds like some real bullshit to me.

Always a good idea to back up a bad story with a good one.

From: Uncle Pistol Subject: Japan Holy Shit!!!! This place is a cyclists dream! The place is fulla Japanese though. Nicest people you ever wanna meet. It's like they are all on the same page. Cooperative bastards. Bike riding everywhere. Bikes are junk mostly though. I'm looking for a good bike shop tomorrow. I've seen a few nice rigs. Unfortunately my Japanese sucks... I'll bring my Surly and camping gear next time. It's an easy place to camp. And miles of riverside trails... I'll be home in time for the Tucson swap, Matane! (or as we say in Tucson) Hasta Luego!

Right on man. Good thinking with the Surly and camping. Now, that's how you see a country, on its back roads and in it's bars.

Yes sir, that's how you take care of business.

Take a look at undoer.org and piratesandemperors.com.

From: Tall Paul Subject: Service Records Do You See A Pattern Here? Democrats * Richard Gephardt: Air National Guard, 1965-71. * David Bonior: Staff Sgt., Air Force 1968-72. * Tom Daschle: 1st Lt., Air Force SAC 1969-72. * Al Gore: enlisted Aug. 1969; sent to Vietnam Jan. 1971 as an army journalist in 20th Engineer Brigade. * Bob Kerrey: Lt. j.g. Navy 1966-69; Medal of Honor, Vietnam. * Daniel Inouye: Army 1943-47; Medal of Honor, WWII. * John Kerry: Lt., Navy 1966-70; Silver Star, Bronze Star with Combat V, Purple Hearts. * Charles Rangel: Staff Sgt., Army 1948-52; Bronze Star, Korea. * Max Cleland: Captain, Army 1965-68; Silver Star & Bronze Star, Vietnam. * Ted Kennedy: Army, 1951-53. * Tom Harkin: Lt., Navy, 1962-67; Naval Reserve, 1968-74. * Jack Reed: Army Ranger, 1971-1979; Captain, Army Reserve 1979-91. * Fritz Hollings: Army officer in WWII; Bronze Star and seven campaign ribbons. * Leonard Boswell: Lt. Col., Army 1956-76; Vietnam, DFCs, Bronze Stars, and Soldier's Medal. * Pete Peterson: Air Force Captain, POW. Purple Heart, Silver Star and Legion of Merit. * Mike Thompson: Staff sergeant, 173rd Airborne, Purple Heart. * Bill McBride: Candidate for Fla. Governor. Marine in Vietnam; Bronze Star with Combat V. * Gray Davis: Army Captain in Vietnam, Bronze Star. * Pete Stark: Air Force 1955-57 * Chuck Robb: Vietnam * Howell Heflin: Silver Star * George McGovern: Silver Star & DFC during WWII. * Bill Clinton: Did not serve. Student deferments. Entered draft but received #311. * Jimmy Carter: Seven years in the Navy. * Walter Mondale: Army 1951-1953 * John Glenn: WWII and Korea; six DFCs and Air Medal with 18 Clusters. * Tom Lantos: Served in Hungarian underground in WWII. Saved by Raoul Wallenberg. Republicans * Dick Cheney: did not serve. Several deferments, the last by marriage. * Dennis Hastert: did not serve. * Tom Delay: did not serve. * Roy Blunt: did not serve. * Bill Frist: did not serve. * Mitch McConnell: did not serve. * Rick Santorum: did not serve. * Trent Lott: did not serve. * John Ashcroft: did not serve. Seven deferments to teach business. * Jeb Bush: did not serve. * Karl Rove: did not serve. * Saxby Chambliss: did not serve. "Bad knee." The man who attacked Max Cleland's patriotism. * Paul Wolfowitz: did not serve. * Vin Weber: did not serve. * Richard Perle: did not serve. * Douglas Feith: did not serve. * Eliot Abrams: did not serve * Richard Shelby: did not serve. * Jon! Kyl: did not serve. * Tim Hutchison: did not serve. * Christopher Cox: did not serve. * Newt Gingrich: did not serve. * Don Rumsfeld: served in Navy (1954-57) as flight instructor. * George W. Bush: failed to complete his six-year National Guard; got assigned to Alabama so he could campaign for family friend running for U.S. Senate; failed to show up for required medical exam, disappeared from duty. * Ronald Reagan: due to poor eyesight, served in a non-combat role making movies. * B-1 Bob Dornan: Consciously enlisted after fighting was over in Korea. * Phil Gramm: did not serve. * John McCain: Silver Star, Bronze Star, Legion of Merit, Purple Heart and Distinguished Flying Cross. * Dana Rohrabacher: did not serve. * John M. McHugh: did not serve. * JC Watts: did not serve. * Jack Kemp: did not serve. "Knee problem," although continued in NFL for 8 years. * Dan Quayle: Journalism unit of the Indiana National Guard. * Rudy Giuliani: did not serve. * George Pataki: did not serve. * Spencer Abraham: did not serve. * John Engler: did not serve. * Lindsey Graham: National Guard lawyer. * Arnold Schwarzenegger: AWOL from Austrian army base. Pundits & Preachers * Sean Hannity: did not serve. * Rush Limbaugh: did not serve (4-F with a 'pilonidal cyst.') * Bill O'Reilly: did not serve. * Michael Savage: did not serve. * George Will: did not serve. * Chris Matthews: did not serve. * Paul Gigot: did not serve. * Bill Bennett: did not serve. * Pat Buchanan: did not serve. * John Wayne: did not serve. * Bill Kristol: did not serve. * Kenneth Starr: did not serve. * Antonin Scalia: did not serve. * Clarence Thomas: did not serve. * Ralph Reed: did not serve. * Michael Medved: did not serve. * Charlie Daniels: did not serve. * Ted Nugent: did not serve. (He only shoots at things that don't shoot back.)

Kinda make you think, doesn't it?

Just like the oil weapon myth and fighting terrorism with bio mass. Did you know you could get a new Jeep Liberty that runs on biodiesel fuel? I sure didn't. Take a look at biodiesel.org for more information.

From: Ryan Subject: Swap the vote! Want to get rid of Bush and his cronies, help third party candidates, and have your vote actually count this year all at the same time? Here's your chance:votepair.org If you live in a Bush locked state (like Utah) choose Kerry as your first choice and then swap it with someone in a swing state who wants to vote for Nader or some other third party candidate. If you live in a swing state choose a third party candidate like Nader then swap it with some in a Bush locked state who wants to vote for Kerry. After you've done that pass this along to other friends and family in your state and let their vote count this year as well.

Check out these 14 points. Brought to you by the fine folks at Old American Century.

I'll just throw the quote out here: "In "Fascism Anyone?," Dr. Lawrence Britt, a political scientist, identifies 14 characteristics common to fascist regimes. His comparisons of Hitler, Mussolini, Franco, Suharto, and Pinochet yielded this list of 14 "identifying characteristics of fascism."

Also, hit up the galleries while you're there. Not to be missed.

My faves? These two. One. Two.

You just gotta love it when John McCain says Bush's new tax cut, signed into law on Friday, is, "the worst example of the influence of special interests that I have ever seen." Read all about it here.

Yep. It just makes you feel good inside, doesn't it?

Good like the latest from Hunter S. Thompson.

Ever wonder about the pathology of conservatism?

Saturday, October 23, 2004

lesbians   I   lesbians   I   lesbians

Did I already link Sally Funbags? I can't remember, and the grotesque scale of her, um, smile, does leave an impression. You'd think I'd never forget.

From: James Subject: Tucker and Jon Oi Jonny, Did you catch any of this mess? I came up on it just today having actually spent the weekend away from home. Between this and the current polls, I'm actually optimistic that someone other than a over-privileged, born-again, coked-out illiterate may be the figurehead for our country. Here's Salon's take: salon.com/politics/war_room/2004/10/15/crossfire/index.html CNN's transcript: transcripts.cnn.com/TRANSCRIPTS/0410/15/cf.01.html ifilm link: ifilm.com/filmdetail?ifilmid=2652831&htv=12 Anyway, we got some rain in Nevada county yesterday. I'm looking forward to riding non-dusty, nor-cal trails. Life is good today.

Right on. You can always count on John Steward.

Everything you ever didn't want to know about farting.

From: Robert Subject: Heaven and Hell Big Jonny, Given the recent discourse on feelings about Europe(ans), I thought I'd add my two bits. Please allow me to outline the difference between Heaven and Hell. In Heaven, the British greet you at the gates, the French do the cooking, the Italians provide the entertainment, and the Germans organize everything. In Hell, the French greet you at the gates, the British do the cooking, the Germans provide the entertainment, and the Italians organize everything.

Sounds about right, doesn't it?

I'll take heaven then, thank you very much.

Our dear friend Laura sent over seven links. Check 'em out:

From: Laura from Holland Subject: hello again! seven (7!) links from Laura for the bikefreaks all over the world! Have fun! Hi Jonny how are you? Good I hope! Seven beautiful links for the column: please name me and have fun with them...! slutsland.com/vira63/16victh.htm sweet-sin.com/a/ipu0/v4.html atkgallery.com/galleries/004/set06/index.html (hairy...) jlpthumbs.com/585/ free-asian-sex-now.com/jojo/jojo02.html atkgallery.com/galleries/01/set41/index.html pornokey.net/stockings/new/210604/index20.html (Laura's favorite!) have fun !!

More fine work by Laura. And we thank you for it.

Hey look, Hooters Shanghai is open for business.

From: James Subject: Actually, I had several drinks at Tyler's reception tonight! BigJohnny- I believe Tyler and I am confident that many other Drunkcyclist subscribers do as well: believetyler.org

Yeah, but he still came up positive on two occasions. Kinda hard to believe Tyler and believe the science.

Maybe the test is bull. How the hell should I know? I suppose by the time this whole thing is sorted out, we'll know if the test is bullet proof or not.

At least after the Russians are done with him.

And he's still one of my favorite American's in the pro peleton.

What could you do with 87 billion dollars?

From: Richard Subject: interestalert.com/brand/siteia.shtml I know you said you were tired of politics but I couldn't let this pass. About half way down the article was the point that got me. We pay for the U.N. and even give it a place to reside but we have never gotten to run it. What's up with that? I think Clinton would be a good Secretary-General of the U.N.

Clinton would probably do a pretty good job of it. If, or course, he could keep his hand (and penis) off his interns.

He had better think about keeping the door to his office open.

In fact, he should take if off the hinges entirely. And put in some windows.

yeah, try as I might, I just can't get out of the political game. It may be because all I've been doing lately is drinking and reading shit on the internet. No riding for Fat Boy this month. I've plenty of time to suffer starting in November.

Grim days ahead for Tubby.

I got an email the other day that said, among other things, that "you have been to light on the porn lately, I think you need to step it up over the next couple of weeks to help us get primed for the election."

Here goes nothing. I give you fifteen (15) Lonnie Waters galleries, in no particular order:

Lonnie in a corset
Lonnie and Kira
Lonnie in pink
Lonnie at the pool
Lonnie in black
Lonnie in denim
Lonnie in a dress
Lonnie being Lonnie
Lonnie in a red dress
Lonnie in a red fuzzy thing
Lonnie on a swing
Lonnie taking a bath
Lonnie just standing around being hot
Lonnie in some white lacey get up
Lonnie stepping out of a bikini

Now that is a lot of porn.

From: Tcnal Subject: I've gotten fat and slow "Holy shit!" I said as I looked down at my rapidly expanding beer gut. Where a pussy dripping six pack of rock hard abs once stood, a quivering mass of jelly born of the Belgian beer and dark chocolate stout. I am a Homer Simpson/John Stamos look alike I think to myself as I peer into the mirror. 9 years of riding had me in prime conditioning. Quads like granite and I finally had calves where once only a twig was. I used to live for my bikes cleaning them in the shower when I lived in an apartment with no hose hook-up. Now I fantasize about a cold beer buzz and a bleary eyed night right...what the hell has happened to me? Am I too far gone? Do I need to drop the hops and buck up?

Ho ho, I guess it depends on where you live. You are either fattening up for the long, hard winter. Or coming into the season on a little on the near side of plump.

Are you a Jan Ulrich fan? If not, you should be.

I wouldn't recommend dropping the hops, as you say, it's taken you this far. May as well stay the course.

Combine your drinking with some riding. Do both. Ride to work, ride to the bar, ride home. Whatever it takes.

I believe in you.

That said, I'm meeting the Gnome in a hour and I'm gonna get fucked up.

Yee haa.

I think I linked this story a couple of days ago. God damn if I'm not retarded today. Anyway, it's a good read. What's it about? What else, Bush, the election and the coming revolution within the Republican party. Read it over at the NY Times.

Friday, October 22, 2004

melinda   I   nora   I   becky

Two 24 year old men arrested for throwing custard pies at Ann Coulter during her appearance at the University of Arizona yesterday. More at the Tucson Citizen

From: Overman Subject: (no subject) One of the most disturbing ideas to come out of the current administration is that you can disagree with proven facts. I am not talking about a policy debate, but the utter contempt for both science and any facts that would contradict their policies or view of the world. I heard this story on NPR yesterday about how the majority of Bush supporters have completely inaccurate views of a number of things. I kinda knew this, but this illustrates the problem very well. It is worth a listen. npr.org

Ignorance is bliss for some of us.

For the rest, it is the single greatest evil we will ever know.

My favorite line of the NPR story? 80% of people who view Fox for their news believed things that were factually incorrect to be the truth. This is the study cited: pipa.org.

Check out the camel toe on Cunego.

So many cute girls it makes my fucking head spin.

This one from joker-inc fucking killed me.

I realized today there is no such thing as a "compassionate conservative". Now, if you want to talk about "hateful bigot", that's another story all together.

Tons of readers were stoked on the Cro-Mags link. Today I was searching for Token Entry mp3s and found this. Check out Thorp Records.

I found this next one somehow, while digging through the referral files. Yeah, I actual more than glance at that shit from time to time. I mean, who knew a site called the garage mahal actually sent me four (4) links so far this month?

And, the guy that writes it was popping wheelies on Fast Freddy Rodriquez's bike at the trade show in Vegas this year. Coincidently, I showed my wife the bike, resplendent with the Red, White and Blue.

She said it was ugly.

Before you write her off as anti-road bike, please know she wanted me to take her right there on the floor of the Bianchi booth. Such was her elation at so many fine Italian steeds poised for battle.

Yeah, she's down.

From the Garage, I was led to this piece of shit writing about how to be a good Democrat over at liberal scum that I will now take apart line by line. Why? Thought I was done with the political shit?

It's like this, my friends, I've got half (1/2) a bottle of Tanqueray ten in me. It's nigh 7:30 on a Friday night and I've got Back in Black at maximum volume on the stereo. And I'm straight pissed the fuck off.

You see, I am a Good Democrat.

And I will now shoot ducks.

Just like my name was Paddy. (He kills ducks, don't ya know?)

1. You have to believe the AIDS virus is spread by a lack of federal funding.

No. I believe the AIDS virus is spread by tapping that ass without a condom. Something I've done more drunken times than I care to remember. I'm married now and I'm retired from the game. In my time, the only thing that stood between me and certain death was dumb luck. Here's to luck.

2. You have to believe that the same teacher who can't teach 4th graders how to read is somehow qualified to teach those same kids about sex.

You ever try teaching? My undergrad degree is in Elementary Education. My mother is a teacher. When I got out of college, I got a job wrenching in a bike shop so I could smoke pot and chase tail for the same money. Teachers make a sum total of shit for wages.

And, who else is going to tell them about sex? Their parents? Please. I learned everything from my peers. And then spent the next ten years figuring out they were all wrong. There has got to be a better way. Like maybe having some meaningful sex education for kids in school. Hey, it's a start.

3. You have to believe that guns in the hands of law-abiding Americans are more of a threat, than US nuclear weapons technology, in the hands of Chinese communists.

I believe guns are a huge threat. Why? Because I own a couple. Guns kill people. People with mustaches kill people. Shit happens. Nukes in China? Terrifying. But, I'm way more likely to catch a bullet in my ass than be immolated by an Inter-ballistic Missile launched out of China. Play the odds.

4. You have to believe that there was no art before Federal funding.

Sure, some fuckpole prehistoric dude wrote on the side of his home (cave) with a piece of charcoal at no expense to the taxpayer, but Federal funding sure does help keep the lights on in the museums. Or, are you suggesting they should be run as a business? Just sell the art? Right. So some rich bastard can hang it on his wall and tap prime time trim on his leather sofa underneath it while I get to read about it in some fucking overpriced magazine? Good plan.

5. You have to believe that global temperatures are less affected by cyclical, documented changes in the earth's climate, and more affected by yuppies driving SUVs.

Cyclical and documented changes in the earths climate have brought us, what, four ice ages? No excuse for some asshole to be wheeling around town in his H-2 while kids are getting shot dead in Iraq. And, Greenhouse Gases may not be the sole cause of Global Warming, but why add to the problem? Greed and materialistic showmanship are nothing to be proud of. Ride a bike, walk, take the bus. Be part of the solution, not part of the problem.

7. You have to be against capital punishment but support abortion on demand.

What does murdering criminals solve? Oh wait, let me guess? Kill a killer and he'll never kill again. But, now we're killers. I am a killer. Don't make me part of that vengeance trip. It's bullshit.

Here is my Jesus Example: Jesus, as we all know, was crucified. And he did not die alone, no, he "was crucified along with two men described in various translations as "thieves," "bandits," "rebels," (American Catholic) Three men were put to death that day. Three criminals. In the nearly 2,000 years since that day, mankind has put criminals to death in all manner of societies all around the globe.

And we still have crime. Two thousand years of society murdering criminals with no defeat of the criminal impulse.

So, what'd ya say, wanna try another two thousand years of this bullshit, or you want to try something new?

Think about it and get back to me.

Now, abortion. Ugly thing. I hate it. To sum up my thoughts, it should be legal, safe and rare. I feel it is between a woman and her doctor. And maybe her parents, her god, whatever. Bottom line, it's up to her. Not me. And not you.

8. You have to believe that businesses create oppression and governments create prosperity.

How 'bout if I believe unbridle corporate power creates fascism. From the history channel:

"As the 1983 American Heritage Dictionary noted, fascism is: "A system of government that exercises a dictatorship of the extreme right, typically through the merging of state and business leadership, together with belligerent nationalism."

Mussolini was quite straightforward about all this. In a 1923 pamphlet titled "The Doctrine of Fascism" he wrote, "If classical liberalism spells individualism, Fascism spells government." But not a government of, by, and for We The People - instead, it would be a government of, by, and for the most powerful corporate interests in the nation."

As far as whether or not "government creates prosperity", are you suggesting the United States of America is not the greatest country in this earth? I'm pretty sure you're not saying that. Instead, what you mean to suggest is a small, ineffectual and completely liaise faire way of the government doing business is better for, well, business.

Whatever. We have a fucking huge government. And it's not going anywhere. Deal with it.

9. You have to believe that hunters don't care about nature, but loony activists who've never been outside of Seattle do.

Hunters care about nature. Loony activists who've never been out of Seattle care about nature. A lesbian bookstore owners in Detroit and the guy behind the counter in a Jewish delicatessen in New York City can care about the environment just as passionately as some fuck who works for a bike company in the Pacific Northwest and likes to shoot ducks. It's all the same.

The ones we have to worry about are the guys who feel it's just fine and dandy to relax a couple of standards here and there so it's easier to drill for coal bed methane in Wyoming, and nature be damned. That's the enemy. We should be railing against that mentality, not picking on some fixed gear riding bean pole in Seattle.

10. You have to believe that self-esteem is more important than actually doing something to earn it.

Self esteem is huge. Building people up is half the fucking battle. Make 'em believe something better can be achieved through hard work and you've lit a fire. Life isn't a lottery, although I know a guy who hit it big. He leads a nice life, and you know what, sometimes I wish I could be him.

But I'm not. And I have to go to work on Monday. And I have to pay rent next month. That's life. We deal with it. We do it because we have to. Why? Because we believe we can make tomorrow better.

God damn, if I get any drunker I'm going to sound like a fucking Kennedy. As if I don't already.

11. You have to believe the military, not corrupt politicians, start wars.

No, I believe idiots who don't understand the reality of war, and who ducked it when their own generation was called to serve, unleash the dogs of war. Actual soldiers understand because they've been there. They know its hell. And they don't like it.

When I was growing up, I was buddies with two brothers whose father had served in Vietnam. He told us if there was another draft, like the one that took him to Vietnam, he'd go down to the recruiters office and tell those bastards he was going back so his sons would never have to see what he's seen. He said, I hope you boys never have to go through what I did. And he meant it.

That's some heavy shit. You can't discount something like that. That's a soldier. That's what soldiers think about war.

Check out Operation Truth. Listen to what Robert Acosta has to say.

12. You have to believe the NRA is bad, because it supports certain parts of the Constitution, while the ACLU is good because it supports certain parts of the Constitution.

I believe the National Rifle Association, while working do defend the right to bare arms as prescribed in the Constitution, has certainly acted in a misguided fashion. The right to bear arms has little to do with holding a rally ten days after the wild shoot-em-up at Columbine. Even this webpage detailing distortions of Michael Moore's film can't get around that fact. They should have cancelled the event after the worst crime involving four things that should never be put together in one sentence: Kids, murder, guns, and school.

And, I support the ACLU 100%. In fact, I'm a member and I have been for years. The ACLU's position on gun ownership is as follows:

"The ACLU agrees with the Supreme Court's long-standing interpretation of the Second Amendment [as set forth in the 1939 case, U.S. v. Miller] that the individual's right to bear arms applies only to the preservation or efficiency of a well-regulated militia. Except for lawful police and military purposes, the possession of weapons by individuals is not constitutionally protected. Therefore, there is no constitutional impediment to the regulation of firearms." --Policy #47
From aclu.org

13. You have to believe that taxes are too low, but ATM fees are too high.

Taxes are too low. Look at the size of that fucking deficit. Question: How we gonna get rid of that monster? Answer: We're all going to be paying it off for years.

ATM fees are just cruel, aren't they? You want more beer. You're wallet is empty. You go the ATM. The one you can walk to from the bar cause your straight swizzeled. You get jacked for a couple of bucks as you wrest a pair of twenties out of your checking account. A couple of bucks? That's a bottle of Budweiser you owe me, you bastards.

No, I'm not happy about that at all.

14. You have to believe that Margaret Sanger and Gloria Steinmen are more important to American history than Thomas Jefferson, General Robert E. Lee or Thomas Edison.

I know of exactly zero Democrats that believe any such thing. Gloria Steinmen? Get off it. She hates me 'cause I have a penis. How do you think I feel about her?

15. You have to believe that standardized tests are racist, but racial quotas and set-asides aren't.

How 'bout if I say they're all racist. Ok then.

16. You have to believe Hillary Clinton is really a lady.

If Hillary Clinton isn't a lady for taking back her hillbilly husband after he got caught busting a nut on some heavy set chick's blue dress, than I don't know what a lady is.

Think about what he put her through. And their daughter. Hell yeah she's a lady.

17. You have to believe that the only reason socialism hasn't worked anywhere it's been tried, is because the right people haven't been in charge.

The right people? As compared to our current fine and capable administration? Look, socialism is basically what every family unit in America practices every fucking day. Cooperation and mutual benefit is the name of the game. Does it work on a national scale? No. Not yet anyway.

18. You have to believe conservatives telling the truth belong in jail, but a liar and sex offender belongs in the White House.

Most conservatives don't know the truth from a hole in the ground. Have you seen the pipa.org study I linked earlier in this post? Dude, it's a fucking mess out there in America's Heartland. Fat, drunk and stupid is no way to go through life, son.

Clinton may well have lied. He did. He fucked a fat chick and went to the wall trying to say he didn't. But, sex offender? Come on, whatever happened, it has always been considered consensual.

Back to fat chicks. You ever fuck a fat chick? I have. When you fuck a fat chick you have exactly two choices: You either a) lie, or b) brag.

Swear up and down to Christ it never happened. It was someone else. I've never even seen that woman before.

Or, hell yeah I fucked that shit. I rode her like a fucking donkey. I had her screaming "Christ was a Jew" while I beat her in the back of the head with a tube sock full of oranges. And it was her sock.

Like I said, two choices.

And, Bush, damn if he isn't lying through his teeth. Either that, or he doesn't know any better. Again, two choices. He's lying, or he's ignorant of the truth.

Take your pick.

19. You have to believe that transvestites and bestiality should be constitutionally protected and manger scenes at Christmas should be illegal.

Transvestites are a bit different that bestiality I would think. And, you know what, I don't want my tax dollars paying for a fucking manger scene. And that includes a bunch of volunteers erecting one on the County's grass and illuminating it with the County's electricity on the Courthouse lawn. Or, in front of a school. Or, a public library. Celebrate your shit on your own dime, thank you very much.

20. You have to believe that illegal Democratic Party funding by the Chinese is somehow in the best interest of the United States.

Ah yeah, and Halliburton getting no bid contracts is in the best interest of the United States.

21. You have to believe that this letter is part of a vast right wing conspiracy.

No, I believe this letter of yours is part of a fucked up wave of ignorance and hate rolling across this Great Land I call my home. Fuck you, I want my country back.

That sucked.

Time to change up gears. Or else I'll just want to spend my time doing drugs and riding my bicycle around in circles.

Sweet Jesus I Hate Bill O'Reilly.

From: Tom Subject: wanna trade? thought ya might get a chuckle out of this weird ass shit. something tells me i will too after a few beers and a few hours. so check this out.... i come out of a long and somewhat boring day in the shop, head for the pick-up and find a small trade has been made in the bed of my truck. missing: my kryptonite new york flat keyed lock. in its place: a shit filled diaper! nice. just what i wanted. i waited for the owner of the white neon with the baby seat in the back parked beside me thinkin it might just be the jackpot but no one showed so i stuffed the crap soked diaper on the windshield and bailed. its cold today so im wearin gloves ya see. i have but one thing to say to the asshole (not the one who filled the diaper cuz im sure it didnt have alot to do with the whole trade idea). "FUCK YOU, FUCK BALL!" what the fuck happened to simple respect? take the gawd damn lock but dont leave yer feecees filled droppings in its place fer fucks sake! at least i got the lock for the cost of shipping so im not out $60, just the $5 for ups. gotta love warranty stuff and customers who dont want their stuff back. a shitty diaper for a $100 lock. ya gotta fuckin laugh.

Ok, I'm officially dying over here.

From: Joshua Subject: found this I was browsing the paper yesterday taking in the good stuff when I came across this... after seeing the debates I did feel like it did sum up how I felt about the whole thing in a small nutshell... Anyway ucomics.com/nonsequitur And if you see my little dog tugboat please let me know.

Lord knows I like the drink.

And I haven't seen that little bastard Tugboat.

Thursday, October 21, 2004

jesse capelli   I   avery adams   I   cathy

This update didn't make it up last night. I knocked back a couple of beers and came home to a complete clusterfuck. Seems I forgot to renew a couple of domain names I own. Little things, like velocidade solomente and arizona single speeds.

Yeah, no big deal. I just basically turned off those two webpage for the next couple of days.

Great. Just fucking great.

It should sort itself out, maybe even by tonight. Thank God it's Friday...

The rest of this is what I wrote last night…

It snowed today and tonight. In fact, it's still snowing with no sign of letting up. The mood is town is high, and people cheered, lifting pints to the snowfall.

For those that ski, this bodes well. A heavy snowfall before Halloween is a rarity, something one sees on those record setting years. They say this could be one of those.

Of course, they always say that. People want to believe this is the one. The big one.

For me, it's all about the moisture. We've been in a drought for a few years now. And a heavy snow season will help in many ways. Less fires and forest closures. The trails will be in better shape. Mormon Lake may actually have water in it once again.

"Is it that we are, simply, at war with the anarchic passion to smash; here and there; now and in the future; to be quelled, but without gentrifying the engagement into a real war?" Willam F. Buckley.

I dunno, why don't you tell me?

Did you know that in one of my dictionaries, a Merriam-Webster, published 1989, born again is synonymous with liberal?

How things change.

And how they stay the same. If you're like me, you remember when the Age of Quarrel dropped back in '86. To this day, some of the hardest shit ever. That record helped define a sound, a style, a time. To say it was influential would be an understatement.

You can download the whole fucking album here. I've got it on vinyl, and now I've got it on my computer. What, has it been 18 years? That shit stands the test of time.

Much respect.

From: Lotusfinger Subject: Pat Robertson on Bush So I guess if Bush blows up the world it'll be okay cause Gods blessing is on him. If he sustains himself by licking the tears of widows it'll be okay cause Gods blessing is on him. If he divides his own nation into an economic civil war it'll be okay cause Gods blessing is on him. cnn.com/2004/ALLPOLITICS/10/19/robertson.bush.iraq Well, it is hard to argue that Gods blessing is not on him. I mean he is pretty much the most powerful man on earth and I don't think he got there by his own moxy. This confirms my suspicions: Dick Cheney is God.

Even Pat Robertson thought the invasion of Iraq would be "A, a disaster, and B, messy..." And when Robertson spoke of casualties, Bush replied, "Oh, no, we're not going to have any casualties."

Could Bush be more misguided that I originally thought?

I got an email today with some fucked up video attached to it. Did you know there are websites out there now that combine sex and farting? I mean, what's next, sex and vomiting? Sex and shitting?

I've just realized I've damned myself to a non-stop email barrage of German and Japanese porn for the next week and a half. Great.

Benson is out training. In October. Really. He's been seen out riding in a full kit.

I called him up and asked him about it. I said, what are you trying to do be a Christmas Hero?

I guess he stood on the scale after something like six or eight weeks of non-stop rockstar behavior, and was a little scared. So, it's back on the bike in October.

I can't make fun of him too much (yes I can) because I'm planning on throwing a leg over the bike come November. Looks like he beat me to it by two weeks.

This is so damn funny. The Guardian, well, just read this.

Wednesday, October 20, 2004

busted   I   bubble bath   I   scorcher

How the hell did Huffy go bankrupt? I'm sure we'll hear more about it later.

Did I mention I'm a title sponsor of a cross team this year?

I have no idea how it happened either.

From: Big Tex Subject: Cross Report Juan Grande, The leaves have changed and are beginning to fall---Time for that one of hour of teeth clenching pain. Time for mud, run-ups, and pits in bicycle races. It's time for Cyclocross. The whole country has slowly been ramping into the cross season with a few races here and there but now is the time for birthday of the VoodooCycles/Drunkcyclist CX time to enter the mud, pain and more pain. There are six team members here in Colorado Springs but only four exited the womb this weekend for the double cross weekend. The Team this weekend consisted of Legs Lehman, Half-Wheel Mike, Snake, and Big Tex. Next week, we'll introduce the other two members. Race #1---TIAA-CREF Race #1 in a series of 4 This touted "European Style" cross race lived up to its name with speed being the main factor. Not too many turns with six barriers and two run ups describes the course. The one thing I did not like was the man-made mud pit. Mud is a part of cross but in Colorado we are in a drought with water restrictions. Now, here are a couple of guys refilling the mud pit every couple of laps to make sure everyone is plenty dirty. If there is no natural mud leave it alone.----That's my political rant so I fit into your site. The race started fast, of course, with Half Wheel Mike getting the hole shot. First lap, I was in a small break of three. Snake waved me to keep going so I did. In the process, I dropped a Giant rider but kept the "kiwi." Now, there were two with T. Brown bridging the gap on the next lap. He's on a mountain bike with a Ti fork looking to dish out some pain. Next lap, I put a gap on T. Brown and Kiwi. Brown bridges back to me. He sits on for a lap and then I hear him preparing to attack. Sure enough, its time to enter the pain cave. As he starts to come around and I go to jump on his wheel, "Crack!, Whip, and Shit!" His chain is on the ground. Too bad, it would have been a battle royal. I go on to finish by myself taking the first win of the season for the www.voodoocycles.net , www.drunkcyclist.com CX team(that's a shameless plug). Snake and Legs eased into the race picking guys off throughout the race to both placing in the top ten. Snake even tested the strength of the barriers by ramming his bike straight into one of the 20inch wooden barriers. The barrier didn't move. Good day at 70 degrees and about 100 total racers (24 started in the Men Open class). Race #2----Red Rocks Velo CX-New day almost same story In colorful Golden Colorado, 20 guys started the day two pain and mud. Today's mud was legitimate as the course took us through a marsh. We had a section of 10 meters that was knee deep in parts. We ran this section. The course serpentined back and forth and the roughness of the course jarred your core. Steel is real baby and this made my ride a little smoother. Today, Legs and Snake worked the pit as Half Wheel Mike and I started in a group of 20. I got a horrible start but maneuvered to second after the first lap behind a young TIAA-CREF rider. T. Brown then takes command. He missed out yesterday so why not inflict me with pain now. Brown pulls two of off the front of the group. Next lap, we go deep into the darkness but I have mini mag light and stay on his wheel. As we exit the marsh, he goes deeper into the darkness. My light flickers and I'm lost. Brown kept inflicting me with 3-5 seconds of pain each lap until he finished about 45 seconds ahead of me. I placed second with Half Wheel Mike having a better ride than the day before. Snake worked a good pit by cheering us on every lap---you need to ask him about that. Two races down and we're just getting started. I felt bad not representin' the Drunkcyclist jersey with no beer at the beginning of the race but we did some cold ones after the race----we had to replenish our carbohydrates. Next week, just one race in Boulder with Gully and others coming back from a weekend away from Colorado.

I couldn't be more proud. Results up here. Here's some pictures of the boys givin' it hell in fly DC jerseys.

How come the results have Big Tex's name spelled different each race? It's Tullous. Not Tullow. What'd ya do, Tex, fill out your entry form with a fucking crayon?

It might work for our President, but I expect more out of a former (masters) World Champion.

Get in the game.

I should be telling Snake that. I scan the results. No top five finish for Snake. "Jaros" got a tenth. And in the next race he ain't even on the list. Could ya at least fight it out for 15th? Is that too much to ask?

Jesus. You're killing the grass. You're just standing there.

Hey look, this girl is riding a Fisher.

The Dropkick Murphy's are Modern Drunkards drunkard of the month. Good looking out boys, you deserve it.

While you're over there cavorting with the hard men of the sauce, don't miss catching up on the big dead place.

From: Gnome Subject: Ass Wipe? I'm just standing here. Killing time. Killing Grass. Being pissed for no reason. Repeating the mantra - "WTF?" What are you doing?

I'm trying to think of reasons not to slowly murder myself with alcohol. Not many are coming to mind at the moment.

"Rome did not stoop to containment; it conquered. And so should we." Read the rest.

You down with tall bikes? I'm tall, but I ain't looking to go that route.

From: John Subject: Bashing the French may as well weigh in on the French bashing. The one that gets me is the contention that French women are ugly, hairy, smelly, etc. There are probably a lot of faults with the French (as well as any other nationality). I don't think ugly women is one of them. I've only met a few, but suffice it to say I wish I knew them better. My small sample experience is that French women are mighty hot and smell yummy, too. After considerable thought I have decided that the proper response is, "French women? Horrible, nasty, even dangerous, report them to me immediately. I'll handle it."

Ok then, we'll call you when we need you.

Until then, chill out and check the mad science over at blank people love us.

Ever wonder why people in some countries seem to fucking hate us? Well, watch this of a couple of good hints.

Do I know US Soldiers committed war crimes? Of course I don't. But, are we investigating this? Are we really looking to get to the bottom of this sordid mess?

That is the real question.

And one I'm scared to hear the answer to.

Wouldn't it be nice if I could put together a coherent update once in a while? Is that too much to ask?

Perhaps so.

More on France.

From: Joe Subject: The way things are looking in this country, I may be moving to France soon. From: David Subject: Ah, can I respond to that? "If Bush is re-elected, then we will be to blame. It will be our fault. We will all be indiscriminately considered guilty, each and every one of us as American citizens. That, my friend, is the pure reality out on the playing field, that's what the real-deal is out in the real-world." So typical of the left. Blame America first. Ahh the French. What to say to David, the enlightened one with no sense of history. It's lovely irony that the coalition of the bribed, coerced and extorted turns out to be Mr. Kerry's. Saddam's cock was forcefully ripped from Chirac's mouth and now Kerry is wearing a hole in the knees of his suit pants in an effort to make it up and to prove he'll swallow. France stabbed America in the back for future oil rights in Iraq worth hundreds of millions of dollars. No Euro supremacy, just greed. Don't forget all the UN sanction violations, again for money France, wrote Mark Twain, has "two chief traits--love of glory and massacre." Much of it goes back to the French Revolution, which can only be understood as one of the most regretful events in world history. The word "terrorist" appears in the English language for the first time during this period, in the writings of Edmund Burke, who gazed with horror upon the French Revolution's atrocities. ("Thousands of those Hell-hounds called terrorists," he wrote, "are let loose on the people.") In the 20th century, Ho Chi Minh and Pol Pot both learned about Communism when they were students in Paris. The founders of the Baathist Party that instituted secular police states in Saddam Hussein's Iraq and Hafez al-Assad's Syria also went to school in France. That's where they learned about Marxism. Their education in fascism came by way of Vichy and the French-controlled territories of Lebanon and Syria. The one common denominator here may be a noxious idea exported from the French Revolution: the notion that societies might be transformed and improved if only the right people are put in charge and allowed to stay in power by whatever means they deem necessary. The notion that France has ever been a steadfast ally is a pernicious myth that serves French interests, not American ones. If France were America's oldest ally, it wouldn't have backstabbed the colonists at the end of the American Revolution, become the first military foe of the United States (following the ratification of the Constitution), sought to split our nation in two during the Civil War, accommodated the Soviet Union during the Cold War, quit NATO in the 1960s, or harassed the Bush administration over Iraq. France has done more to spread strife in the world than America ever has or ever will. Hundreds of millions of people have been murdered in the name of France's greatest export. It's called socialism, fascism, Marxism, the utopia of the left. It's been tried one way or another many times and is always a failure, just like the French. Once France goes under the veil of death of Islamism while her navy sits in dry dock, we'll see which culturally ignorant nation suddenly becomes the French friend of convenience. Go pound your d**k Mark. Renounce your citizenship and stay over there. Your vote is not needed here.

I'll just start hitting on your points and links, in no particular order 'cause I'm lazy, drunk and sloppy. And what the hell else do I have to do tonight?

I'm not so sure I'd call it "blame America first" as much as I would "turn the mirror on oneself".

From Pittsburgh Live: "Saddam was a step away from celebrating the end of sanctions and reconstituting his WMD programs." Bullshit. He was no where near either. See what I just did? I asserted something to be true, without bothering to support my claim. Kinda lame, wasn't it. Just like the whole piece by Reiland. And the authors use of the phrase, "that John Kerry is either utterly naive or in cahoots with these global con artists is something that's just too unfit to think about, let alone broadcast to the masses" shows he meant to do just that. If it's too terrible to mention it, don't mention it. If it's bad, and you really want to let everyone know its bad, write something like Ralph Reiland did.

Bottom line, if Saddam was so boxed in he was throwing money around to influence two of the permanent seats on the UN Council with Veto Power, he would be pretty desperate wouldn't he? Scheming, yes. Conniving, yes. Poised to strike? No.

France did have some pretty one sided contracts to export Iraqi oil. Sure. And they wanted to protect their interests. Their contracts. Their legally binding documents, however they were obtained, they were contracts. I know it sounds lame, but I am playing Devils Advocate after all.

So, what happened? We now enjoy the sole right to Iraqi oil. How'd we get that? We took it by force. By invading the country and taking it.

I can't say either option is much to be proud of.

The French sold Saddam weapons. And so did we. So did a whole shit load of countries. I'm not trying to excuse the behavior of France on this issue, merely trying to clarify the point. The fact is many countries profited from deals with Iraq. Check the link.

A heard a line on NPR this morning describing how money from the cocaine trade touches, influences and tarnishes everything in some Central American countries. Oil money is much the same way. It's just like drug money, and we as a country get into bed with some real bastards because of it. And our need for it.

Here is a well written article by a woman far more attractive than I will ever be. Julie is a Sun Devil.

One more while I still care, from back in September 2002.

I'm growing bored of this. And I fear my readers are as well. I'm trying to shake the whole "political cyclist" thing. Lemme tell ya, this ain't helping.

Ugh. From now on, direct your comments to the message board. It's there, use it. Please.

Oh, damnit, one more thing about that letter. Everyone should vote. I don't care who you fucking vote for, just participate. Get in the game.

I am now officially bored with my own update. I fought off the urge to delete half the aforementioned bullshit and left well enough alone.

I can't wait for this election to be over.

The 508 was last weekend. I was on board to work support for Panda, but his sore knee kept him out of the game.

From: White Turkish Van Subject: The Furnace Creek 508 gets FIXED Shame on some folks at your site who are so preoccupied with their fixation on hating Bush and the trashing the Rep party they didn't have a little time this weekend to checkout the 508. Three fixed gear boys did it without DNF in the all new new category this year. Lets get back to the bike....dump the political crap dude...BOTH sides suck and cant come close to a display of the mental toughness it took to finish this RACE FROM HELL! www.the508.com

I rode my fixie to work today, does that count for something?

I should bag the political crap. It makes me far too depressed and forces me to dull the pain with copious amounts of alcohol.

Ok, that last part was shit. I can't really blame my drinking on politics, can I?

Although, if you read as many right wing pundits columns as I do, it'd drive you to drink without doubt.

Ok, I'm totally done with this shit. Thank fucking God I've got half a bottle left, with backup in the freezer. This shit is killing me. Just killing me. I'd rather be scribbling graffiti in some textbook.

From: Thomas Subject: hey pal hey jonny...just checked up on my time from last year.... i ran 1:14:30ish and mark ulm was hot on my tails at 1:14:40ish.... i knew i ran faster than 1:20:00 last year. anyway, just thought i'd drop you a note on that. cant have you thinking i am that slow. it is under the 2003 results at natra.org this year though....Ulm was an unstoppable robot...that is all there is to it. that guys was not loosing to anyone!!!!! he is an ox!!!!! brinkman on the other hand..that guy is a sandbagger. and the eagles....nuff said!!!!!! i have post AM bloody mary gas..gotta take a nap!!!

Hey, look my man Scholnick lit your ass up.

From: Nik the Dick Subject: speaking MY truth Hey Jonny, Figured it would be good time to put 2 cents in. so here goes! WHAT THE FUCK HAS HAPPENED TO EVOLUTION?!! I guess it's too hard to see reality when all you care about is what to buy next. Kerry /Bush/ Politics/GOD, ITS ALL BULLSHIT...Bottom Line In $$$$$$$$$$.. Its Everything you see think or hear...GREED is Power, This is why BUSH is Gonna win. Evil or Bad will ALWAYS win, They will Do ANYTHING to do so, Even blow up a few buildings, Or invade a country, or look you STRAIT IN THE EYE AND LIE!...Its Not hard for people with better than average intelligence too see the TRUTH. But we don't have the Power. It seems you have to be straight up Evil and Dumb as Shit to get what you want in this country. We promote this every day in our Media. Examples: Any religious program, The Nightly National News, Of course you local News As for they are the Prime example of Stupid followers with ABSOLUTLY NOTHING WORTH SHIT TO SAY, Game shows, Presidential Addresses ( which our current president doesn't feel we need, unless he needs to push us down a little and scare us.), I could go on for days, the point is when are going to evolve. Evolution is a positive thing that can help us reach a Positive Healthy Loving Good society. This has seem to taken the back seat to Stuff and Hate and Kill....Why I don't know, But I can tell you how to cure it...Prove and promote the false reality of a GOD. some mix up God with $$$$$...We as Human need to get over this fairytale that this is our SAVIOR...Week BULLSHIT...Why do we Need so much, GOD/MONEY?...enough Blabbing....Bottom line...No Matter who is in office it gonna suck until some Aliens come from the sky and show us HOW pathetically small all of this is. So vote for who YOU want to, Fuck it, it doesn't matter anyway...We all die someday, let the people 100 years from now deal with the bullshit we leave them, well all be gone anyway....Drink, SMOKE, Spend, Play, Vote, RIDE, Do Whatever, Fuck it you only live once and when you're dead you don't care!!!!!!...Long live Homer Simpson......Hate to you all...

Nik, I love your two cents. I only wish you were hear to help me with this vodka.

On second thought, stay away you thieving scum! Mine! Mine!

Ok, I've lost it.

Ah, go fuck yourself.

Tuesday, October 19, 2004

tiger   I   tanya   I   lesbians rule

*NEWS FLASH*

Huffy filess Chapter 11 bankruptcy protection

*END NEWS FLASH*

Words. Ever wonder where some of them came from, or when they came into use? Things like "neoconservative" and "compassionate conservative". Oh yeah, that last one is two words. Whatever. Click to find out.

Watched Supersize Me tonight. Made me want to drink gin. But, then again, I'm fucking crazy.

Crazy like a fox.

From: richard Subject: I like this lady A letter to the editor in our Sunday paper. You just might. wcfcourier.com/articles/2004/10/18/opinions

Fits in with my thinking that abortion should be legal, safe, and rare.

Kona to sponsor three race 24 hour series. On three continents. Check out this schedule:

Race 1 - August 13/14, 2005: Trentham Gardens, UK
Race 2 - September 10/11, 2005: Snow Mountain Ranch, Denver, Colorado
Race 3 - December 3/4, 2005: Redesdale, Victoria, Australia.

I knew I liked those guys for some reason.

From: Warthog Subject: bike models Here's a link to a guy that makes custom bike models. The roadster is especially bitchin. bike.zugster.net/atomcycles

Can you tell I'm going with the short emails after this weekends editions of War and Peace?

From: Richard Subject: Voting for someone who doesn't even know what he's fucking talking about. Ah, I seem to see every time they show an appearance of George Bush at a rally and he quotes John Kerry, the newsperson has to tell the audience what John Kerry really said after the video is shown. It's usually not what the president said it was. I hope to GOD if bush gets re-elected it gets better.

Pretty much if Bush gets elected I expect nothing less than the Armageddon. Four horsemen of the Apocalypse, the whole nine yards.

Buy the ticket, pay the ride.

We're fucked.

I hear France is nice this time of year.

And I guess some folks in the fly-over states are concerned about how many homes John Kerry owns. As if it would be a way to compare and contrast between him and the Republican side of things. Anyway, check this out.

If you're in the market for some sculpture with a bike slant, check this ebay listing.

From: Tony Subject: Banana Republican Fall Catalog This would be HILARIOUS if it weren't so damn true! jestmag.com/3-5/banana.html

Ah screw it.

Monday, October 18, 2004

bike chick   I   bike chick   I   bike chick

Monday brings the pain. Well, not really so much today. It's the thought of it really. The beginning of the work week. Have to get up and go somewhere when you wake up.

Kinda like training.

You want some new tunes? I do. Check this out, punkandoi.free.fr. And, maybe save those boys some bandwidth and "save as" instead of streaming all those songs.

Either way, I'm afraid I may have just fucked them.

Fixed these two links I bitched up yesterday:

Part I:
forums.mtbr.com/showthread.php?t=22302

Part II:
forums.mtbr.com/showthread.php?t=48979

Don't worry, I'm drinking gin tonight. Everything is going to be just fine.

Ah, you know when your riding and you gotta piss. And you just do?

Yeah. When the moment hits, the world is my urinal.

Just like this girl.

Oh, so that's why Bush brought up the Dred Scott decision. I was kinda wondering about that…

And, no, I'm not above linking Bush picking his nose.

If you live in Arizona, or just close to Arizona, you don't want to miss the Flight of the Pigs. I'll be in Boise, Idaho, kicking it live with the fam.

And, I might ad, I'm looking to get my money back outta Snake. That bastard jacked me like I was a mother fucking cash register a couple of years back at some annual poker game he invited me too. I see now why he brought me along: Easy pickings.

I went down swinging, I'll tell you that much.

In the end, what does it matter? I left without my money. And, he left with it.

From: Cuth Subject: Bush's Debate Notes apparently, an organization was able to acquire President Bush's notes from the first presidential debate. very interesting reading. thatsuncalledfor.com/debate_notes

You sure those are only from the first debate? The look like the talking points from the whole damn series from where I'm standing.

And speaking of series, I heard tonight Boston beat New York in something like 15 innings? Fucking crazy. Didn't they just go 13 last night?

Check out Mid Atlantic Cross.

From: Warthog Subject: Owww! Oh fuck that had to hurt like a son of a bitch. Read from the third paragraph on Saturday. Pictures and x-rays too. ballsacracing.com/race_reports/101004_brian.php

More of that be afraid bullshit for your listening pleasure. You could also call it the RNC talking points.

Damn. How many times can I use that phrase tonight?

I need more gin.

From: Angie Subject: Hey Doc! A physician claimed that the following are actual comments made by his patients (predominately male) while he was performing their colonoscopies: 1. "Take it easy Doc, you're boldly going where no man has gone before!" 2. "Find Amelia Earhart yet?" 3. :Can you hear me NOW?" 4. "Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?" 5. "You know in Arkansas we're now legally married." 6. "Any sign of the trapped miners Chief?" 7. "You put your left hand in, you take your left hand out..." 8. "Hey! Now I know how a Muppet feels!" 9. "If your hand doesn't fit, you must quit!" 10. "Hey Doc, let me know if you find my dignity." 11. "You used to be an executive at Enron didn't you?" 12. "God, Now I know why I am not gay." And the best one of them all... 13. "Could you write a note for my wife saying that my head is in fact not up there."

It's a good thing I don't have to do that shit until I'm 50.

Take a look at the military service of some of the bastards making a lot of noise these days over at alternet.org.

And, a reader named Jen tells me how she feels.

From: Jen Subject: About Kerry You know I'm a democrat and embarrassed to say so. I'm reading the shit Richard wrote on this web site and it's funny. Sorry, but no doubt here, I'm voting for Bush. Educate yourself Richard, Kerry is for this war also. Fact, he's going to tell you want you want to hear and you're falling for it. The difference between him and Bush is that he is going to do it better. Yes, let's vote for someone who doesn't even know what he's fucking talking about.

Well. What can I say. You vote your way, and I'll vote mine. And then I'll buy you a beer.

From: El Serracho Subject: just once Just once I would like to get through the day without thinking of this mofo. Be aware, there may be rumors on the internets.. rumorsontheinternets.com and then there is this deganso.com/slapbush/index.php, which is kinda fun. Holy crap man, what are we gonna do if this chimp gets elected this time? One more for the road.. http://bush.carlcarter.com That one might take a refresh or two. Enjoy.

Are you a religious wingnut? Well, you might like this one about traditional values and christians and stuff.

From: richard Subject: a couple of observations 1. I saw a George Bush commercial that said John Kerry's health care plan would have the government in charge of your care not your doctor. I take it he doesn't have health insurance. My insurance company tells my doctor what he can and can't do for me. 2. The republican party has just two rules: 1. The President is always right. 2. If the President is WRONG see rule #1

It's a mess. I've been working without a net for a couple of years now. Shit, a lot of guys I know have a sum total of dick for health insurance. And these clowns go back and forth about how much control I should have over it. It's like, dude, I've got exactly shit working in my favor at the moment. It'd be nice to have anything, no matter how shitty it is.

But, that's a story for another day.

I wonder what the gnome is doing right now…

Sunday, October 17, 2004

donna   I   natalia cruze   I   taylor

Full day of fun for the big man this time out. Started the day with a nice little bike ride with some friends. Drank a fucking cappuccino. Felt like superman. Watched the Eagles beat up on Carolina. Ate shitty, glorious, greasy, wonderful bar food and, well, felt pretty good about it.

Tossed around a basketball. Sucked ass at it. Played nine on some par three dog track on the east side. Hadn't swung the sticks in something like two and half years. Actually hit the green in regulation, um, once. Maybe.

Don't think I pared any of 'em. And, well, guess what? I felt pretty good about it.

Funny how life works sometimes, isn't it?

Want some entertainment? Look no further than Weebl and Bob. I hadn't seen this in a while, not since I lived in Tucson. I link it on the site, somewhere. Not bike sites I think. Anyway, check out the Weebl and Bob archives for all the episodes.

Leave it to Bush

Here's a good one, Derek builds a bicycle. One mans quest to make his girlfriend the perfect bike.

From: gambrinus Subject: Cancer This pretty much sums it up.... cafepress.com/cp/store.aspx?s=humorosis.51387 I wonder if we'll beat that cocksucker in our lifetime? I sure hope so...

Yep. Pretty much sums it up…

So, I posted an email back on 13th where Mark busted some French balls. Wouldn't you know it, I've got site fans in Paris, and well, they feel the need to defend themselves.

The way things are looking in this country, I may be moving to France soon.

From: David Subject: Ah, can I respond to that? Hello Mark, Judging from the pitiful display of cultural ignorance in your post on DC, I can only assume that you are a fervent Bush supporter and probably think his re-election would be good for yourself, your countrymen, and the world. That would indeed solidify your position as number 2 DumbShit in my book, just behind Bush. Allow me to offer an explanation for my comments, as I do not have the habit of insulting dim-witted, self-serving, shamefully ignorant hell-scum such as yourself without proper provocation. Your ridiculous remarks about France in your post have so blatantly betrayed your lack of intellectual processing capabilities that I have decided to waste 30 minutes of my time responding to your witless drivel. I am voting for John Kerry in order to preserve my own enormous pride as an American and to wash my hands forever of any past, present or future responsibility of having contributed to the continuing global-scale ridicule of America personified and perfected by Bush and his government. For the moment, the average American citizen is not blamed for Bush's actions nor for the genuine decline of our prestige around the world, except in Iraq, where those happy, liberated people behead Americans and the suicidal few who side with us as "local and colorful" gestures of gratitude and appreciation. Four years ago, the voting public didn't know then what it knows now. We didn't know that Bush would the send the United States of America on a path of long-lasting fear and uncertainty and as an added bonus, would in four years destroy fifty years of hard-won respect and prestige the world over. Old Glory has been burned, scorned, ripped and torn more frequently, and in more countries than ever before. But let me remind you, "thanks to Bush, the world today is a safer place!". But this time, the American public know that Bush is the village idiot, that he has only an approximate command of the English language, that he is ridiculed by the vast majority of the world's people and their leaders, except Tony Blair, but the Brits are horrified as whole to be associated with the US. Our responsibility is now engaged as a people, a nation, a group of individuals known as Americans in this election. This represents a different situation from four years ago. If Bush is re-elected, then we will be to blame. It will be our fault. We will all be indiscriminately considered guilty, each and every one of us as American citizens. That, my friend, is the pure reality out on the playing field, that's what the real-deal is out in the real-world. If Bush is re-elected, America's decline will accelerate over the coming four years, and perhaps you, your sister, your mother or neighbor will die in a terrorist or other anti-American violent attack somewhere in the world, spurred by the hatred of Americans already cultivated by Bush and his government. This is an historic chance to redeem ourselves and our country. I know, I live in Europe, I work for an airline and circle the globe several times per year. You have no idea of the danger present as an American living abroad, and Bush is the reason for that hatred...it wasn't there under Clinton, for example. Go ahead then and vote for Bush, make us all moving targets, let's ruin the global environment, let's continue to live in fear at home, let's accelerate the decline in our international influence, let's continue to foster unemployment, let's keep scrambling for healthcare...the laundry list is long, dirty and saddening. It's too bad you and people like yourself are so blind to reality, so incredibly shallow and ill-informed. The worst part yet is knowing that my own family and millions across America risk facing increased danger and uncertainty because of people like you. David Paris, France (BTW Mark, France is a Western European country whose capital is called Paris. There is electricity and running water here, and recently television and refrigerator appliances have been introduced to increase the comfort of its citizens. France has more brains than brawn, and has historically been a very keen and acute diplomatic nation offering many major intellectual and societal contributions to mankind. France has steadfastly maintained a difference of opinion on the US position on Iraq, alongside the vast majority of the human species on Earth. Because the US and France are friends, we call this condition "being allies", France has decided to stay out of the US war crime adventure in Iraq while remaining friends or "allies" with the US. This was a major challenge and was properly accomplished. Your comments about France do not reflect any reality at all about this country, but merely publicly indicate how dreadfully ignorant you are concerning this particular subject. Perhaps you could limit your future interventions to "basket-weaving" or "filling out unemployment forms", subjects a bit more in your area of expertise.)"

In all fairness, I'd bet dollars to donuts poor Mark was only forwarding a joke some one sent him earlier in the day and has nothing against France, would drink French wine without hesitation, would nail hot French tail without a second thought and calls French Fries fucking French Fries and not Freedom Fries. That name change, by the way, may be one of the stupidest things I've ever heard of. But, I'm wandering here.

Back to the point of this. Hell, I have to admit I laughed at the line "The French government announced today that it was elevating its Terror Alert Level from "Run" to "Hide." The only higher levels are "Surrender" and "Collaborate."

I mean, that's funny.

Mark may or may not be a Bush supporter. I doubt it personally. But, the point is there are plenty of people in this country actually boycotted French products, think the French are cowards, and call French fries freedom fries, or some other misguided dumb shit.

And, I might add, I've got some badass site fans in Paris.

Just thought I'd mention that in case you missed the first time I mentioned it.

Changing up gears a bit here, there sure is a lot of buzz about whether or not Bush was being coached in the debates. Personally, I find it way to fucking out there to be true. It's an insane idea. And I hope no President would ever stoop so low.

Interested in what a "body language expert" has to say about our two Presidential candidates?

How 'bout some Darwin Awards nonsense? Should be good for a laugh.

From: Mark Subject: The 2004 Darwin Award Nominees Here are the much anticipated 2004 nominees and the year is only half completed! Natural Selection at work... Hard to believe, but another year has passed. Once again, it's time for the Darwin Award Nominees. The Darwin's are awarded every year to the persons who died in the most stupid manner, thereby removing themselves from the gene pool. This year's nine nominees are: Nominee No. 1: [San Jose Mercury News]: An unidentified man, using a shotgun like a club to break a former girlfriend's windshield, accidentally shot himself to death when the gun discharged, blowing a hole in his gut. Nominee No. 2: [Kalamazoo Gazette]: James Burns, 34, (a mechanic) of Alamo, MI, was killed in March as he was trying to repair what police describe as a "farm-type truck." Burns got a friend to drive the truck on a highway while Burns hung underneath so that he could ascertain the source of a troubling noise. Burns' clothes caught on something, however, and the other man found Burns "wrapped in the drive shaft." Nominee No. 3: [Hickory Daily Record]: Ken Charles Barger, 47, accidentally shot himself to death in December in Newton, NC. Awakening to the sound of a ringing telephone beside his bed, he reached for the phone but grabbed instead a Smith & Wesson 38 Special, which discharged when he drew it to his ear. (For whatever reason, residents of Southern states always seem to figure prominently among the Darwin nominees.) Nominee No. 4: [UPI, Toronto]: Police said a lawyer demonstrating the safety of windows in a downtown Toronto skyscraper crashed through a pane with his shoulder and plunged 24 floors to his death. A police spokesman said Garry Hoy, 39, fell into the courtyard of the Toronto Dominion Bank Tower early Friday evening as he was explaining the strength of the building's windows to visiting law students. Hoy previously has conducted demonstrations of window strength according to police reports. Peter Lawson, managing partner of the firm Holden Day, told the Toronto Sun newspaper that Hoy was "one of the best and brightest" members of the 200-man association. (Nice to see another Canadian province getting into the awards.... The Maritimes always have been heavily involved.) Nominee No. 5: [Bloomberg News Service]: A terrible diet and a room with no ventilation are being blamed for the death of a man who was killed by his own gas emissions. There was no mark on his body, and an autopsy showed large amounts of methane gas in his system. His diet had consisted primarily of beans and cabbage (and a couple of other things). It was just the right combination of foods. It appears that the man died in his sleep from breathing the poisonous cloud that was hanging over his bed. Had he been outside or had his windows been opened, it wouldn't have been fatal. But the man was shut up in his nearly airtight bedroom. According to the article, "He was a big man with a huge capacity for creating "this deadly gas." Three of the rescuers got sick, and one was hospitalized. Nominee No. 6: [The News of the Weird]: Michael Anderson Godwin made News of the Weird posthumously. He had spent several years awaiting South Carolina's electric chair on a murder conviction before having his sentence reduced to life in prison. While sitting on a metal toilet in his cell attempting to fix his small TV set, he bit into a wire and was electrocuted. (South Carolina entrants are always perennial favorites.) Nominee No. 7: [The Indianapolis Star]: A cigarette lighter may have triggered a fatal explosion in Dunkirk, IN. A Jay County man, using a cigarette lighter to check the barrel of a muzzle loader, was killed Monday night when the weapon discharged in his face, sheriff's investigators said. Gregory David Pryor, 19, died in his parents' rural Dunkirk home at about 11:30 PM. Investigators said Pryor was cleaning a 54-caliber muzzleloader that had not been firing properly. He was using the lighter to look into the barrel when the gunpowder ignited. Nominee No. 8: [Reuters, Mississauga, Ontario]: A man cleaning a bird feeder on the balcony of his condominium apartment in this Toronto suburb slipped and fell 23 stories to his death. Stefan Macko, 55, was standing on a wheeled chair when the accident occurred, said Inspector D'Arcy Honer of the Peel Regional Police. "It appears that the chair moved, and he went over the balcony," Honer said. (Another Ontario entry.... I wonder if people are moving there from the Maritime Provinces.) Finally, THE WINNER!!!: [Arkansas Democrat Gazette]: Two local men were injured when their pickup truck left the road and struck a tree near Cotton Patch on State Highway 38 early Monday. Woodruff County deputy Dovey Snyder reported the accident shortly after midnight Monday. Thurston Poole, 33, of Des Arc, and Billy Ray Wallis, 38, of Little Rock, were returning to Des Arc after a frog gigging trip on an overcast Sunday night when Poole's pickup truck headlights malfunctioned. The two men concluded that the headlight fuse on the older-model truck had burned out. As a replacement fuse was not available, Wallis noticed that the .22 caliber bullet from his pistol fit perfectly into the fuse box next to the steering-wheel column. Upon inserting the bullet the headlights again began to operate properly, and the two men proceeded on eastbound toward the White River Bridge. After traveling approximately 20 miles, and just before crossing the river, the bullet apparently overheated, discharged, and struck Poole in the testicles. The vehicle swerved sharply right, exiting the pavement, and striking a tree. Poole suffered only minor cuts and abrasions from the accident, but will require extensive surgery to repair the damage to his testicles, which will never operate as intended. Wallis sustained a broken clavicle and was treated and released. "Thank God we weren't on that bridge when Thurston shot his balls off, or we might both be dead," stated Wallis. "I've been a trooper for 10 years in this part of the world, but this is a first for me. I can't believe that those two would admit how this accident happened," said Snyder. Upon being notified of the wreck, Lavinia (Poole's wife) asked how many frogs the boys had caught and did anyone get them from the truck? (Though Poole and Wallis did not die as a result of their misadventure as normally required by Darwin Award Official Rules, it can be argued that Poole DID, in fact, effectively remove himself from the gene pool.

Catch the rest of it over at darwinawards.com. And, if you're kinda soft in the head after a long weekend of punishing the liver, you can read the stories with cute little pictures.

Speaking of pictures...

Part I:
forums.mtbr.com/showthread.php?t=22302

Part II:
forums.mtbr.com/showthread.php?t=48979

Maybe I should start a doping program. Simply everyone who's anyone is doing it.

From: Alsponse Subject: But steriods online Hi! The steroid dianobol a.k.a. Anabol has a very strong androgenic and anabolic effect which manifests itself in an enormous build up of strength and muscle mass. Dianabol is simply a mass building steroid that works quickly and reliably. A weight gain of 2 -4 pounds per week in the first six weeks is normal. Ordering from our online shop is private, secure and safe... and much cheaper than other alternatives.

You gotta be fucking kidding me. Why do I keep getting this shit in my inbox?

Saturday, October 16, 2004

linda   I   lina   I   lucie and lenka

I woke up this morning waiting for Big Gay Randy. Seems I set a trend that lasted the whole day. Bastard was supposed to meet me at 7:00 for a little race spectating. Turns out I went it alone.

The Northern Arizona Trail Runners put on the Solstice Mountain Trail Run today.

And the Devil made an appearance.

I have the results as follows:

Good chance some, if not all, of the names are messed up. I wouldn't be surprised at all if I spelled one or two of those wrong. Whatever. At least they are online.

This is how it played out. Tom Sable, last years winner, went out like a rocket from the gun. He was a full roller ahead on what they call the Seven Sisters. John Scholnick led the chase to bring him back. Mark Ulm took the lead on the Kamazaki climb, and held it to the end.

During one short stretch on Freidlan Praire road, Mike Olsen got, "a couple of footsteps" ahead of Ulm. But that didn't last, and Ulm distanced himself up the Sunset trail. Ulm had about 15 seconds at the top, and Olsen yo-yoed a bit across the backside of the second loop, finishing in second, 9 seconds back.

I spoke with Mark Ulm a little after the race, in my devil outfit, of course. Beer in hand, I asked him if he knew he was on a record setting pace out there today. He said he felt good, but he had no idea they were setting a record.

I called Sable a "faux cutter" as he crossed the line for his OLN antics at the Tour this year. I think he called me a bastard. I'll have to ask him about that when we watch the Eagles play Carolina tomorrow.

Sable told me he is "in about the worst shape of my life" as he hoisted his shirt to show off a well earned bulge. Nice gut, Tom. We all should be so lucky.

Who am I kidding? I've done nothing but soften up this month of October. Or, as I like to call it Roctober.

Mr. Go from the Gun just like I did last year Sable also mentioned he got away last year in a similar move, and held it for the win. This year, he said he knew he was in "big trouble after two minutes."

The line of the day was from my man Bus, who said, "Ulmsy off the couch."

Good times. I'm going to drink beer.

Friday, October 15, 2004

josie   I   sara   I   suzana

Friday is my day, know what I'm saying? The Lord can have Sunday. The Man his Monday through Thursday. But come Friday bitch, it's all about number one.

Speaking of bitches, who doesn't love a rich bitch. Or, maybe you hate 'em. How the hell should I know?

Think troop moral is a little on the low side in Iraq? Have you read about the platoon that refused to go on a convoy mission?

A little background, I got this talking with a friend of mine who was in the service. Three of the vehicles these guys were ordered to take were "deadlined". As I understand it, a vehicle is gone over, maybe once a week or so, and a checklist is market off for safety and reliability issues. A deadlined vehicle is one that is in such dire need of repair, it is not supposed to leave the base until those repairs are completed.

I asked what kinds of things would deadline a car or truck. He said, "Well, a broken axle would do it."

Bottom line, these trucks are fucked up if they made deadlined status. And you don't take a deadlined vehicles out on a convoy in a war zone. Never mind taking three of them.

Disregarding a direct order is no small potatoes. That is a big deal. A world of shit is going to come down on your head if you pull that move. And, you've got to know that going in. You don't just one day up and decided to disobey. It comes after weeks and weeks of bullshit to where you just can't take it anymore.

On the other side of the coin, ordering men and women under your command to take unnecessary risks with unreliable and potentially unsafe vehicles is asinine. This is in a country where if you truck breaks down, you could be killed right then and there. And, if you're captured, they'll cut your head off and video tape it so your wife and children get to watch.

You wouldn't see a brother like me taking a ride in a deadlined vehicle. Fuck that shit. Give me one that runs like a top.

It'll be interesting to see how this one plays out.

Man, I'm rolling tonight. Does anyone else hate these Swift Boat Veterans for Truth as much as I do? I think they lied through their teeth. And I think they did it because they felt Kerry has attacked their service, and they wanted some kind of revenge. To get a shot in on him.

Good work guys, way to be Karl Roves bitch.

Word on the street is Hot Karl had to go talk to the Federal Grand Jury investigating the Valerie Plame leak.

Oh, I hope that fat hog burns.

These are a bunch of pics a guy named Paul took at Interbyke. Good stuff in there, check it out. All the cool pics I didn't bother to take.

Is George Bush losing his marbles?

Hey, I'm just asking. The guy can hardly speak. If he wasn't the President, and such an evil bastard, I wouldn't make issue of it. I don't generally make fun of the retarded.

Ok, I do.

And I'll see you all in hell.

I think 9-11 broke Bush. Seriously. It threw us all for a loop. And, him, well, it broke him in half.

From: crashburn Subject: whitehouseforsale.org Hey Big Jonny, Found a site you may find interesting, <whitehouseforsale.org> . While perusing it you may want to repeat this mantra to yourself, "I don't matter." You and probably none of your friends either unless they have donated at least $100,000 to any of the candidates.

Great. Just what I need. More good news.

Here's two more sites to mull over: eschaton, vodka pundit and daily kos.

Ought to keep you busy for a few minutes if you're a wackjob like me.

I really shouldn't read stuff like that anymore. When I get to the comment section on sites like vodka pundit (with a name like that I should be a kindred spirit) I go totally crazy. Some asshole actually compared Bush to Lincoln as both presided over a "war" and both may end up the same way. "All it takes is one leftist."

To do what, asshole, assassinate George Bush?

For fucks sake, I just want Kerry to win. Who the fuck is talking about killing the man?

And, since I'm really pissed the fuck off right now, the blind mother fuckers posting say it's the Democrats who are throwing voter registration paperwork in the trash, and not the Republicans. This, while investigations are being launched in Nevada about the complete opposite.

Up is down to these people.

I can't believe I share a country with them.

I want to fucking kill myself.

From: Damnit Janet Subject: Debate Report Hey All - Here's about my debate/campaign rally experience. Hambone got things rolling by sending out the email to meet up at his house in Tempe to cruise over to Tempe Town Lakes and check out the Foo-Fighters, John Kerry and whatever else happens when the Presidential debate hits Phoenix. Jim was planning to ride around and try to flush out the SS. I get to Hambone's house around 5pm and am amazed at all of the cars parked that far already. From Hambone's house we ride over towards Gammage Auditorium to find lots of horse shit and campus closed to any traffic (peds, bikes, etc). Friendly horse mounted officer informs us that we can still ride on Mill Ave. Off we go. On Mill Ave we find more horse shit, barricades, Police with M16's and in full riot gear. We ride by the folks set-up shouting to everyone to vote Libertarian. But with few exceptions the crowd was mainly for Kerry. Along the way we find Jim and others and head over to Tempe Town Lake. That's when we found out that the Internet tickets were useless. Anyone could hang out in the grass. But you had to have a "red" or "blue" ticket to get close enough to see the TV screens. So, we end up at Mill Ave Brew Pub with a crowd of Dems (and 4 Republicans) to watch the debate. A broken glass and barstool crash later, and we're heading back to Tempe Town Lake to check out Kerry's post debate rally. We couldn't get within sight of the stage, but we were able to hear his speech. Gave up on seeing the Foo Fighters. Headed over to KC Moore's. We were pretty sure that Kerry stomped on Bush, but to be sure we tried to find a Republican to give their opinion. Republicans were scare at KC's But we managed to identify a couple of Republican looking types, but they wouldn't have anything to do with us.

Sounds like fun.

Know any conservatives that will vote against Bush? I've got a very conservative Uncle who isn't all that fond of Bush's record as President. And, this Uncle lives in Texas.

If he's not happy, well, maybe anything is possible.

I've just had an alcohol induced epiphany: Kerry comes of as pro-war and tough on terror because he wants to lure potential conservative voters away from the GOP. People who would be far to alarmed with voting for a far left Democrat might find a hardened, decorated Vietnam Veteran a reasonable choice.

And that is why Rove and the rest of the scum attach his war record with such veracity. They must undo the reluctant warrior, and remake him as a liar, a cheat and a crook.

A social liberal, fiscally conservative candidate with a strong foreign (defense) policy is the kryptonite of the Superman Bush reelection effort. And, therefore, he must be made out to be something he is not. Something sinister, and untrustworthy, and bad.

And it's working.

God damn these stupid sheep I share air with.

Check out this event.

Thursday October 14, 2004

anette   I   caren   I   ilona

Tonight the evil rose within me. It must be quelled with liquor. Single malt scotch, preferably.

Charlie's rose to the occasion. Even supplied what passed for dinner. A few rounds a Pay-n Take later and I was set.

Set for the funky fall fashion show at the Orpheum. Well, as set as one could be for such a spectacle.

I enjoyed it and I enjoyed my town. We have it pretty good up here in the northland. Pretty good indeed.

The word is check the site and ignore the men. Unless, of course, you happen to be a woman. Or gay. Or just like to look at men. Whatever. Not that there is anything wrong with that.

joker-inc is good fun.

Speaking good fun, I've probably already linked this, but I'll link it again just in case. How'd ya like to check out a new book by Timothy Greenfield-Sanders photographs of 30 of today's' biggest names in porn? It's called The X-Factor, can you can read about it over at nerve.

Ah, beer is good.

Along those lines, check out this next story.

From: Corey the Courier Subject: Sparks Antics Hey Johnny, I don't know if they've got the stuff out there, but Sparks is truly the nectar of devils, gremlins and twisted minds. It contains the triple whammy of insanity: caffeine, alcohol and sugar. I was looking forward to my Friday evening workout when I realized I'd forgotten my shorts. I decided not to waste the evening alone, so I went to a local park with a 4 pack of Sparks to hang out with the other bike messengers. I felt fine after one. I could detect no noticeable change in my speech or interaction with my peers. I felt the same after the second. I began to notice the flavor began to become sickeningly sweet for the third. The fourth was a bit repulsive, but refreshing as it was cold and carbonated. I still felt solid, my wits and reflexes were still sharp. The gang all chipped in for someone to make a beer run. (Messenger bags conveniently have the capacity to carry a case of beer!) After my third beer, I realized I was doing nothing spectacular for myself but getting bloated. I bid farewell to my chums and went home. I was to help out my sponsor, Drive Sports, at their tent during the T-Town swap meet the following morning. After talking with the owner, I realized there would be no way I could wake up and be at his shop by 4:30 in the morning. Rather than commit the most atrocious foul of being absent, I decided to ride to the velodrome. I packed jeans, t-shirt, jacket, clean socks and my heavy non-cylinder kryptonite chain lock. I took three raisin bagels for food. I wore all black: shorts, knit hat and vest. I rode my black track bike with no lights nor reflectors and a burly 53x15 gear . I took the bible my mother gave me for christmas because she wrote something about it lighting my way. Whatever. Spontaneous acts aren't always well thought out. So out I went, in search of a rowdy gang of couriers 70 hilly miles away. No radio, no riding companions and not a notice to anyone of my spur of the moment rally. There were no dangerous interactions with motorists as Montgomery, Berks and Lehigh counties are mostly rural with lightly traveled roadways late at night. The moon, a few days after being full, was still brightly lighting the dark roads. Fortunately, the roads were clear of debris, potholes and road kill. As the ride progressed, the alcohol and caffeine wore off. The hills became larger and my choice of a bicycle with unchangeable gearing was punishing me for my transgressions of Sparks in the Park. After 3 hours of suffering, I made it to the Route 100 and 29 split. Route 100 at this point goes down and down and down for a few miles. It was sweet relief from grunting and snaking my way up long stretches of climbs. I let gravity pull me closer to my final destination. At the bottom of the hill I made it past the train tracks just as the gates began to close. When I arrived at the campsite around 1:30 am, there were 30-40 bikers listening to loud music and drinking. They let out a little cheer as I arrived. I was dead tired, thirsty and hungry. I was close to passing out. My friends asked if I wanted anything, but before I could think or speak, I had a Sparks in one hand, a Yuenling lager in the other while someone took my bike and locked it up. Someone else gave me a couple of sandwiches and bean salad to eat so I wouldn't collapse. Yup, I was glad I made the trip. After my meal the endorphins and booze kicked in causing me to begin tackling my buddies. Tackling is probably the wrong word. I snuck up on my victims putting my head on their butt and yanking their feet off of the ground. I don't know why I began to do this or where the I got the idea, but the craziness spread like wildfire. Short rounds of co-ed wrestling ensued. No deed goes unpunished. Eventually, someone kneeled behind me while someone else in front pushed me over. The fall felt like the world was moving in slow motion, but felt good to lay down on the grass being exhausted from the riding and wrestling. After taking out 8 or 10 people I got what was coming to me. The late hour, wrestling and laughter helped the alcohol catch up to everyone. We cleaned up the beer container mess (there was a lot of drinking) and trailed off to our tents for heavy happy drunken slumber. Philly Phorever

Now that's what I call keeping it real.

Shit like that is what makes it all worthwhile. Only one man I know could do that. Ok, maybe three. Big Pun, Will the Hotshot, and Big Gay Randy. But only BGR would do it fixed.

Corey, you are an American Hero.

So, I'm listening to the debate last night. I'm reading shit on the web. I'm soaking it all in.

And you know what?

The problem is the War on Terrorism can never be won.

We can make great advances, great victories. We can work to insure our safety. As Americans, as citizens of the global community, whatever. Will should and we will. We have to.

But, there will continue to be acts of terror in this world. No matter what we do, how much money we spend, or how many people we kill, acts of terror will continue. There will also be crime, hunger, rape, murder, and all that bad stuff.

One cannot achieve a total victory against such an adversary as the word "terror". Just as one cannot win a war on "poverty" or "drugs".

The real issue is whether or not acts of terror will occur within the United States. I think that is what most people are talking about when they speak of a War on Terror. They want to protect the homeland. They could care less about some poor bastard blowing themselves up in Jerusalem.

And, I think it is important to remember, that before the attacks on the World Trade Center, the worst act of terror against America was committed by another American.

Remember Oklahoma City?

In that respect, one cannot say this War on Terrorism a military action alone. The military would, and did not, stop Timothy McVie from blowing up a truck full of explosives in front of the Federal Building. And, the military did not catch him, try him, convict him and sentence him to death. That was a triumph of our police departments, our law enforcement community and our legal system.

The military cannot do it alone.

That said, who is the better man to lead us in the troubling times? I think John Kerry is. Others think George Bush is. We will all vote, and it will be decided on November 2nd.

That's our system, and that is how it works.

It's simple. It's great. And, with great sorrow, I tell you, it's all we have.

Hey, look. A hot redhead on a bike.

That'll work.

From: Crotaline Subject: Howard Stern is overrated… ...but this is too sweet to pass up. Imagine that...Kinda like that Jim and Tammy bakker and Jimmy Swaggert (Do as I say, NOT as I do) shit. Pittsburgh Post-Gazette (Pennsylvania) August 17, 1996, Saturday, SOONER EDITION David D. Smith, president and chief executive officer of Sinclair Broadcast Group, was arrested this week in his hometown of Baltimore and charged with a misdemeanor sex offense. Sinclair owns WPGH, the Fox affiliate in Pittsburgh, and programs most of WPTT. The Baltimore Sun reported that Smith, 45, was arrested Tuesday night in an undercover sting at a downtown corner frequented by prostitutes. On Thursday night, Sinclair issued a statement that Smith's arrest was unrelated to company business and ''The company will continue to operate under the direction of its current management.'' (...more) Broadcasting official charged in sex stakeout Sinclair president, woman arrested in company car Published on: August 15, 1996 Edition: FINAL Section: NEWS Page: 2B Byline: SUN STAFFPeter Hermann The president of Baltimore-based Sinclair Broadcast Group Inc., which owns the local Fox television affiliate, was arrested Tuesday night and charged with committing a perverted sex act in a company-owned Mercedes, city police said. David Deniston Smith, 45, of the 800 block of Hillstead Drive in Timonium, who also is Sinclair's chief executive, was arrested in an undercover sting at Read and St. Paul streets, a downtown corner frequented by prostitutes, Baltimore police said yesterday. Smith and Mary DiPaulo, 31, were charged with committing unnatural and perverted sex act. Smith was held overnight at the Central Booking and Intake Center and released on personal recognizance at 2 p.m. yesterday. DiPaulo's bail status was not available. Officials at WBFF-TV (Fox 45) and Sinclair, one of the fastest-growing broadcasting companies in the nation with 28 television and 34 radio stations, would not comment yesterday. The company had $126 million in sales in the first half of this year. Police said undercover Officer Gary Bowman, on a prostitution detail, was talking to DiPaulo about 9: 15 p.m. in a car at St. Paul and Read streets. She left the undercover car after telling Bowman that ``she had just seen her regular date driving in the area,'' according to court documents. Police said DiPaulo ran across the street to a 1992 Mercedes, registered to Sinclair, and got in on the passenger side. Police followed the car onto the Jones Falls Expressway, where they said they witnessed the two engage in oral sex while Smith drove north. Police said they followed the car back to Read and St. Paul streets, where they arrested Smith and DiPaulo, who lives in the 700 block of Washington Blvd.

And to think, Sinclair is the same group of bastards giving us all this trouble.

From: Robb Subject: Good video Jonny, randomfoo.net/junk/200410/what_barry_says.mov Check this video out. Kind of explains the perspective that most people in the world have about the US, terrorism, etc…and some fine animation as well. Worth the wait to download. It's like 25 megs or something.

It's a slow download, but it worked better for me than this other server: knife-party.net/flash/barry.html . Hell, try both. Just watch it.

I have to say I don't agree with all the points brought up. But I agree with enough of them to post it on the site.

I'd like to post more, and believe me I've got more in me. But, it's late, I'm tired with one hell of a buzz. I don't know how I made it this far. I'm out.

Wednesday, October 13, 2004

dallas   I   cathy   I   scarlet

First up, right out of the box, did you hear what's happening with my man Bill O'Reilly? Oh, he's a big fan of the site and all that. You could say we're pals.

Anyway, Billy Boy dun fucked up.

Read about it over at the Smoking Gun.

I haven't managed to scrounge up any pics of the woman, Andrea Mackris, yet. But, I'm sure by this time tomorrow we'll all find out if she's, how should I put this, hot or not.

Already the 13th of October. Time is just flying by. Something about having fun in the sun. Yee haa.

I really can't complain. At least, I won't because it doesn't do me any good.

Tonight we've got the third and final Presidential debate. Many of you couldn't give a shit, but I'll be fucking glued to the radio for that one.

Why the radio? I've always thought listening to them, rather than looking at them, make more sense.

This is from Bill Maher a couple weeks back. But, it's still funny as hell.

Yesterday I linked mentioned the new crazy wide wheeled bike from Surly they call the Pugsley. Thing is fucking bananas. And I want one.

I also want a bike hot rod from Kona. I damn near bought one recently. But, calmer heads prevailed and now instead of rolling around town on a chopper blasted out of my mind on PBR, I can pay rent this month.

Some trade off.

I never did get much of a story together about my time in Vegas last week for Interbyke. Such a blur, and it fades to mist a little more with each passing day. Call it the lost weekend if you will, even though Interbyke ended on Friday this year. Go figure.

My first impression is much like my last: Carbon. Everyone has carbon stuff now. It's everywhere. Pretty much the companies overseas that make the stuff are being hired by every company which would like to offer a handlebar or seat post, or whatever. And so it goes.

I don't feel this is necessarily bad, or anything like that. I like carbon bars. I like carbon seat posts. I like carbon bikes. I just got a little bored of seeing it all.

I did like the super wide and flat bar out from Salsa. You can cut it, run bar ends on it without a plug, and it's going to be available in 3 and 5 degree sweeps. At least that's what my notes say.

And some notes they are.

I got my fix over at the Bianchi booth more than once. I may ride and own a lot of mountain bikes, but something about Italian road machines hits me right in the guts. I don't mean to knock all the big domestic companies, who offer many fine products, all of which I will ride in a heartbeat. But, I can sit and stare at several different Bianchi models of minutes on end.

Plus, they had one of Pantani's time trail bike, the Gold medal mtb and big Maggie's Roubaix winning ride. Talk about drool factor.

Other bike of note, just to let you know where I'm coming from, was DeRosa. God damn, is that shit sexy.

On to other shit that excites me, I like the paint offered by companies like Independent Fabrications and Vicious Cycles. The latter, Vicious, offering up a scheme they called "beyond bass boat". If you're a fan of heavy metal flake, as I am, you're gonna love it.

I mean, who doesn't want a bike that fucking blinds people?

There were many other fine products, and many other fine people at the show. But I'll be damned if I have much to say about it. I didn't spend as much time there as I have in years past, and it showed. It takes multiple exposures to pound something through this thick skull of mine, and this worked out much the same.

I walked around looking at stuff and bullshitting with friends for a couple of hours each day. What I regret the most was not having enough money to buy more stuff. In a way, it's like a big flea market. Everything has its price in the end. Well, most stuff anyway.

Some companies are actively selling merchandise. Others would just as soon roll up a couple of crisp bills as ship that shit back to the office at the end of the day. Either way, there were a lot of cool items for the taking if one could afford it.

How 'bout a titanium bong? I've seen a few in my time. And, all in Vegas.

On Wednesday night I heaved bowling balls to benefit IMBA. On Thursday I checked out punk rock at the Double Down. Mostly I got loaded.

And who doesn't like that?

Also, on Thursday there was an Alley Cat race out at the Double Down. I avoided participation like the plague, but I was there for the after affects. Scott Free took home the win. I think he's from NYC. At least his friends all were.

Shows what I know, I had to take notes on the back of a 2005 Cycle Messenger World Championship flyer. With a marker I borrowed from Scott Free. Some fucking reporter I'm turning out to be, eh?

From what I can read of my drunken, sloppy notes, the race consisted of three manifest cards, where you would have to go find the three items and return with them. I asked if it was like a scavenger hunt. He said no.

Mr. Free's three items were a wedding chapel brochure (plenty of those about town) a porn card (plenty of those too) and some item from a hotel. I don't know what it was, an employee, some lawn furniture. Why make it easy, right?

Anyway, took our Champion one hour. He's a bad ass. So I bought a shirt from him and gave him back his marker.

It seemed the right thing to do.

From: the dondo Subject: my homie Daniel D Biggest John, Saturday I lost a good friend to a 2 year battle with cancer. He wasn't a cyclist but we were roommates at one time and since I fancied the tight bibshort he learned to love the tour and Phil and Paul. He read Lance's book and the guy gave him some strength and encouragement. You just can't argue with that. Cancer is a pisser. My boys services are this Thursday. If ya post this, and anyone reading, raise a glass to whoever you know who might be suffering with any ailment from a cold to a stroke. Cheers to life. I will never forget you Danny Dougherty

Damn. I've lost two relatives in the last five years to cancer. That evil, insatiable cocksucker.

Raise a pint one and all.

I need something to cheer me up after that one.

From: mark Subject: Terror Alerts Raised The French government announced today that it was elevating its Terror Alert Level from "Run" to "Hide." (The only higher levels are "Surrender" and "Collaborate.") This unprecedented step was taken in the aftermath of the recent fire that destroyed the country's largest white flag factory in Lyons, leading to the incapacitation of the entire French military establishment

That'll do.

From: Johnny Smoke Subject: Bush's Message and the Debate Some points to consider about Bush's message of the same ole' same ole', 1. Slavery was legal in the US until the 1850's. 2. Even way up here in the Great Enlightened North the Natives didn't get the vote until 1966. 3. For hundreds of years, the only treatment for most disease was to let blood. This was considered an effective cure. 4. Tour de France riders used to smoke cigarettes to "expand their lungs" for the climbs. 5. A woman's place is in the home isn't it? I think I'll just stop at five random examples. There are millions. Courageous stand? History repeats itself, all you have to do is stay the course.

Right on man. Check out what 'ol Johnny Smoke has been up to this year. Bastard. He's got a whole archive of that shit.

Oh, he's really hurting.

These are cheerleaders I think.

Good news. Really. Think you registered to vote as a Democrat? Think again.

Are you a Hemingway fan? If you read my shit, you might just be. I think the guy kicks ass. Read about him at modern drunkard.

Oh God, check this out.

From: Dennis Subject: Ann Coulter can come to your house or a reasonable facsimile talkingpresidents.com/products-af-coulter.shtml be sure to check out "Rummy"

Shit. That is funny stuff right there. And, what child wouldn't just love a Rummy doll this Christmas?

And while we're on the subject…

From: Alex Subject: She's a boozer. townhall.com/acimgs/webimages/annbrew.jpg I think I finally figured out how she could say that shit with a straight face. Let's be honest, I think we've all said some crazy shit after a few too many... like "your place or mine". Not that I'm going to excuse her drunken ravings by citing my buddies tendency to bang ugly chicks, but you know. adamyoshida.com That guys an A1 Space Loon also.

Hell, I drink. A lot. And I don't sound like that.

Well, maybe I do when you're standing… How did our President so eloquently put it tonight? When you're standing way out on the right bank…

I dunno. Some shit like that.

Let's wrap this up with a good taking a dump story. Haven't had one of those in a while.

From: P Diddy Subject: Giving birth to a fencepost Thought you guys might appreciate this from Sunday night. This was after 3 days of duck hunting in New York, being at Duck Camp, eating heavy food and not being able to take a dump for 3 days straight. Could have been a combination of being at Whistler, Quail hunt trip, and Vegas all one right after the other as well... -------------------------------------------------------------------- Well, it finally happened. About 6pm waiting in the Syracuse airport, I decided to have one more go at emptying my bowels before getting on a plane. The smell alone was horrendous. Even the worst river dumpsites I have been through in Taiwan paled in comparison to what filled that stall. As the creature passed from my body, I knew it was going to be of large stature. Visions from the original ALIEN movie filled my head and I waited for the screeching and gnashing of teeth before it took a bite outta my behind. The deposit was breaching the water like a whale from the ocean. 3 flushes and it would not go down. The water level reached the top of the bowl, but at least the creature was back below the surface. No plunger in site. Nothing in site to break up the beast, and I am not about to put my hand in a bowl at a public restroom. I had to do the irresponsible thing and leave.... About 15 minutes later, JD mentioned he had to go relieve himself. I had forgotten about my lost treasure and the fact that those things just don't "go away" by themselves. I looked up to see JD walking back from the restroom. Something was wrong. His face was beet red, he was smiling and at the same time convulsing. "JD, what is wrong?" I said with worry. He is trying to speak, but cannot form words. At this point tears are streaming down his face. "Are you OK, bud, can you breath?" Tears continue to stream as he tries to hold back laughter and tries again to say something. "... guy.... ...plunger... ...poor bastard..." JD makes a motion like someone violently churning butter with two hands and then collapses with face in hands with laughter as he cannot hold it anymore. "What the hell?" I say. Just then a guy in service coveralls comes out of the bathroom looking extremely agitated . Between fits of laughter JD finally describes a scene in the bathroom with a service guy and a plunger at my "stall" violently trying to secure the beast that came from within me. Something about "That bastards ass must be full of shit!!!!!" was spoken as JD describes it. Said it was all he could do to walk out of there without completely loosing it.

Tuesday, October 12, 2004

luba   I   swan   I   zuzanna

I want me a pugsley. Why? No, the question is better phrased "Why not?"

Missed updating yesterday as I had a cold. I opted out for sleeping some fifteen hours. Seems it did me some good. I'm only 1/3 asswipe today.

And that's down from a solid 5/8s.

I'm still not 100%. But enough with the numbers already. Hey, check it out, it's the Old American Century. What fun. Don't miss the now and then article.

One man lays it down.

From: Richard Subject: Sad day for the republican party I vote Democratic for president but any other race I usually look at the person and what he or she stands for. Not any more. I don't care what they say or do anymore. I am voting straight Democratic from here on out. Its thanks to George W. Bush and his war and failure to recognize that it was the wrong thing to do even after the facts came out.

Right on, Richard. That is some heavy shit.

And I feel it. Not all Republican are as bad as others. But, God damn, if Rove et al ain't one evil ass mother fucker.

And who the hell is going to miss a man like Ashcroft?

Let's kick 'em all to the curb.

Some things just never get old, do they?

From: al Subject: what bush thinks of tribal sovereignty ladies and gentlemen the president of the united states media.ebaumsworld.com/sovereignty.mov

Yep. No matter how many times I see that, it never gets old.

This is one I hadn't seen yet. Damn is it ever fun.

From: Schrubber Subject: Your Oct 4 post You were complaining about the changing the numbers bit… Example You suggested http://statewideclaimsservices.com/540.jpg - 550.jpg Try this… def-con.org/leech/statewideclaimsservices.com/5[40-50].jpg As you can see, takes the work out of it… just add the www.def-con.org/leech/ in front of the url, and use [] for the numbers. Note: If the url has a www in it, you need to include that after the /leech/ Have fun!!!!!

Oh, that's going to be trouble.

With a capitol "T"

Have another look at the Freeway Blogger.

Sunday was the birthday of my Salsa mountain bike. I got it 14 years ago, can you believe that? Shredded that bike for the first time on October 10, 1992. It was purple at first, then I broke it, had it fixed, and repainted with the jelly bean scheme. The serial number on the bb shell is 743.

There are lower numbers out there, even a couple here in town. But it's the oldest bike I have. Or, at least, the oldest bike that I've actually owned the whole damn time it's been on this planet.

It's haven't ridden it in awhile, so I figured today I'd take her out and show here a good time. The wheels are showing their age more than anything else, so I left them at home and ran some 8 speed ones I had on another bike instead. The Salsa is only set up for 7 but fuck it, those are top mounts and it'll work close enough. Big deal, so one gear won't work. I even have a picture of me and the old girl.

From: Mike D. Subject: RE: Must Post how about a big shout out for this Memorial Ride .. anybody within 100 miles of Salt Lake City better make it on their road bike, mountain bike, downhill rig or tricycle, ... don't ya think???? WMC bicyclists: On Sept. 18, a bicyclist was struck and killed by a car while riding in Big Cottonwood Canyon. Her fellow workers and the bicycling community are organizing a memorial bike ride on Oct 30th. They hope this will also make people more aware of bicycles on the roads, and they are hoping to get a large participation of bicyclists to show up and ride. Below is the forwarded message from the event organizer. Hopefully all WMC bikers will be able to participate in this event. Pass this on to all your friends in the biking community! --- The Josie Johnson Memorial Bike Ride will take place Saturday, October 30, 2004. We will meet in the Rice Eccles Stadium parking lot at 11:30 am. Following a few brief addresses, the ride will exit the parking lot promptly at 12 noon. The ride will go to the mouth of Big Cottonwood Canyon where a brief address will be made. The group will then return to the stadium parking lot. We expect the total ride to take about 4 hours. We have a web site that will be updated with any new and additional information (including the route). This web site is: bioscience.utah.edu/student/bikeRide.html Thank you very much for your interest and your support. Please bring all of your riding friends, the more riders, the greater the impact. John Weis

I'll just leave it at that.

Sunday, October 10, 2004

erica campbell   I   veronica zemanova   I   krystal steal

Have I mentioned how much Ann Coultier scares me? Well, she does. Check out her website. Read some of her articles. Take a peek at some of the pics.

And then try and sleep tonight.

Jesus Fuck All.

Feeling a little better on my second day back from Vegas, but not all that much better thank you very much. Kinda like a big old truck hit me.

And then some.

Check out domai.com.

From: Luke B. Subject: Re: The Fire Extinguisher Story here's the updated story: alvin (aforementioned angry puerto rican stabbing person) and i had a talk at a local grocery store and after some twenty minutes of "you disrespected my house" etc etc...i suggested that me buying him beer would be a nice resolution. he agreed. i thought it was done. and it was....but apparently not for me. Joe, the man with the 4runner in the story lent said 4runner to alvin to "go to sedona for a few hours." two days later, alvin returned from Mexico, without the 4runner, or it's keys, claiming that it had been stolen. strange that he wouldn't have the keys. so now, the theory is, that alvin has reconnected with his mexican drug runner buddies, and sold the 4runner (and aimee's sweatshirt contained within said 4runner, which is how this story has any connection to mine at all)....anyway, he's getting kicked out of school. i hope.

Just when you thought it couldn't get any wackier, it does.

From: Adam Subject: ouch bustedspoke.com/Photos/bs4141.jpg I killed a squirrel once riding in Central Park.

Check out the rest of the busted spoke webpage.

From: Todd Subject: Check this shit out. It's gonna make you laugh........ or cry. dischord.com/press/routineers_press.shtml

Can I laugh and cry?

Well, there you go. Tall Todd is coming out on wax. Discord wax.

I'll wrap it up with this last one as this is going nowhere fast.

From: Leo Subject: tyler and OJ a random passing thought re: tyler and OJ innocent until proven guilty is the motto of the US justice system, everyone is aware of that i am certain. the basic premise is, of course, the man has evidence against you, like pissing in a cup after winning a race. he takes you to court, a scientifically regulated and staffed laboratory. where a third party, some well paid piss-jockey, inherently neutral, looking at a number on a vial. his performance is directly dependant on his ability to test a known blind sample, listens to the facts, runs the test well because his fucking job depends on it, and renders justice, posts what ever fucking numbers come out of the machine. if you are found guilty, you have the right of appeal. if found innocent, barring exceptional circumstances, free to go without fear of being prosecuted again for that crime. the public sympathetic to tyler want that same set of rules applied to tyler, but i dont think they realize, failing the first drug test is really a guilty verdict, test #2 is an automatic appeal, beyond that point i think the mother fucker is guilty. OJ simpson was proven innocent after his first trial. Do you think he is innocent? word

Saturday, October 9, 2004

peach   I   kyla   I   kim

The first day back from Vegas is always the same, isn't it? The feeling of being totally gutted. Empty. Spent. Used & Soiled. Ruined. No longer in show room condition.

Saturday night in Flagstaff means, well, it means party. And I'm just not there yet. The thought of more liquor puts the Fear of God in me at the moment. Even this drunk cyclist needs a few days of sobriety to knock out the kinks.

Have I just had too much fun?

Oh, I've heard it exists. A level on can reach with years of practice. But I've yet to see it.

Anyway, now we apparently need fucking lawyers to tell us ice cream isn't good for you. No shit, cowboy. Neither is drinking seventeen beers at the Double Down.

I think I'll have some ice cream tonight to round out the miss treatment I've managed to subject my body to in the last couple of days.

No longer new news, but Dr. Ferrari was found guilty of sporting fraud. I wonder how much distance, if any, LA will put between himself and Ferrari?

Probably none.

Kinda makes me want to say fuck all and just play bike polo with Nowicki and the boys down in Tempe. As I typed that line I realized they also play bike polo each and every week up here in Flagstaff as well. And I haven't made it out once.

I suck.

But not as much as Hot Karl Rove.

We drove out of Vegas last night glad to be free of that most evil and sinister place, where damn near anything goes and money rules all. I loathe to admit it, but I found a Starbucks coffee across the street from where I was staying, and I frequented it often. For I have a problem.

Caffeine is my God.

Ok, one of them. It's a whole sorted crew. They are legion.

Those espresso shots did their duty and kept me wired for sound all the way back to Flagstaff last night. In fact, they just about did too good of a job as I was still a bit juiced up when I would have rather been sleeping. You can't really flip a switch and go from full tilt boogie to sleepy time. Or, at least, I can't.

Take the blue pill to wake up and the red one to come down and the yellow one when you're hungry and the pink one when you need a shower.

Ok, Elvis.

I missed the debate last night. Kinda wish I would have heard it, and I really would have liked to play the drinking game while watching it. It's time for all of us to step up.

Check out Bend's Big Fat Tour. Looks like a good one, doesn't it?

Also, word on the street is there is to be a cross series in northern Arizona this year. Good times will be hard. We might even have an appearance from the Devil.

I hear he lurks about.

Also, totally forgot to mention this little ditty. The Soul Ride is coming up at the end of this month. Proudly presented by the fine folks at Epic Rides, this is one you don't want to miss.

And I should know. I've managed to miss it every year since it started.

I'm going to be there this year. I'm doing one of the shorter events, the 30 or 60 milesr. I don't yet know which. How 'bout that: I don't even know what I'm doing and it's three weeks away.

Its not like I'm training for it, so what the hells the difference?

All I'm sure of right now is that with just two guys finishing under the nine hour mark in last years 100 mile event, I am not going to be anywhere near the hundred miler. This year, or any year.

Call me what you will, I ain't got it in me at the end of October.

Shit, I didn't have it in me in fucking August.

From: Campione Cycles Subject: Life is shit. Why the hell is that fuckwit Dubya still ahead in the poles? At least he is this morning, this needs to change. electoral-vote.com Everyone needs to print out this poster and hang it in their workplace. americanprogressaction.org/atf/cf/{65464111-BB20-4C7D-B1C9-0B033DD31B63}/gwb.pdf

Hey, look, I live in a Big Time Bush State.

Great.

From: Jake Subject: A site to mention? Especially fun are the hedgehogs and "We Love the Moon" Cheers: rathergood.com

That shit about loving the moon is pretty much how my fucking head feels right now.

In a word: Painful. Want another word? Here it is: Goodnight.

Wednesday, October 6, 2004

ah, what?   I   veronica zemanova   I   lesbians rule

Today I leave for Vegas and the promise of a better tomorrow.

Ok, that line was shit. Too much debate coverage kicking around in my head. The American people deserve better. And I can do better.

Whoops. There I go again.

Read this one by Crispin Sartwell.

This site kicks ass, Jesus's General. I especially like the picture, with the thing and the stuff and words. Funny.

I "borrowed" this one to use as a promotional tool.

Nice.

Did I already link Moose on the Loose?

This shit is fucking lame. A $100 cheese steak? Are you fucking crazy?

See you when I get back.

Tuesday, October 5, 2004

bang bros   I   monsters of cock   I   big tits, round asses

Thanks to all of you who bought socks today. I see all the orders on paypal. I appreciate the support, and I'm stoked you all want to rock DC gear.

I won't be able to mail everyone's order out tomorrow as I'm leaving for the Interbyke trade show in Las Vegas. I'll get all that in the mail when I return.

Check out all the fly ass shit I'm selling here.

The VP debate is in the tank. What a piece of shit. Edwards didn't work up to his potential, I'll tell you that much. That is a successful lawyer? That is the tongue of silver which impressed juries? Well. He didn't impress me. And he had a piece of meat hanging on a hook to beat on like a drum if he only showed half the desire of Rocky Balboa.

Half.

Cheney was just the rabid dog I expected save one moment when he actually resembled a human being, if only for a few fleeting seconds. When he conceded the point to John Edwards and declined his allotted :30 second comeback on the gay marriage question, I saw the true Dick Cheney for the first time.

He is a man torn between party loyalty, conservative conviction and the glaring reality of a gay daughter.

It must really tear your guts out to be trotted out on stage to parrot the company line when it openly disparages your own child.

For that, I almost felt respect for the man.

Of course, if would have had the balls to say the whole Gay Marriage Amendment proposal was a crock of horseshit from the word go, way before tonight's debate, that would have really been something.

What he did instead was duck the issue with some limp-wristed suggestion it be left to the states to decide. But, not like what happened in Massachusetts when the Courts decided the question rather than the Legislature. Well, are you for States rights or not?

It would seem to this lowly scribe that a Constitutional Amendment banning Gay Marriage would circumnavigate a States ability to decide the issue. It would, in fact, lay a blanket of preemption across our Great Nation smothering the very concept before it could ever be debated in any state, anywhere.

Because that is the American Way.

Fuck it. Check this out.

From: Ed Subject: Bi-Partisan Campaigning How is the rebuilding effort in Baghdad going these days? More than a year after Bush claimed "Mission Accomplished" the following writer spent a month looking for a construction crane in the city. informationclearinghouse.info/article6930.htm Six signs of a bad leader: 1. Poor planner. 2. No accountability 3. Doesn't fire people who've proven to be failures 4. Doesn't read (other than My Pet Goat) 5. Takes 7 minutes to react after being told the country is under attack 6. Sticks to tax cut plans even after the economy has changed (recession, terrorism) Shave America. No Bush: collegehumor.com/election

That College Humor page is some funny shit. Good looking out over there boys.

This is a good one, the Two Faces of Bush.

Nice piece by Krugman from back on the first.

And, then you have this opinion:

From: Kernal Klink Subject: Fuck France I am not saying I LIKE FRENCH, they are a bunch lousy goddamn frogs, and most of them stink because not bathing is so euro chic. What I was trying to say is that they did help us win our freedom from England, and they have been a valuable friend in the past (they have a mean bike race and gave us a big statue too). They do have a more conservative approach to war, which in WWII was almost fatal to them (we saved them from having to learn german). However, you can't blame them for not wanting to bomb a country and forgive debt when that country owes them BILLIONS of dollars that they lent on good faith. Iraqis borrowed from france and used their oil as equity, now the US controls that oil and we are using the proceeds as we see fit. About Saddam, he sucked big time, however, he ruled with an iron fist and people were afraid of acting like assholes like they're doing now. That's all those fucking savages understand, violence and fear. To win this fucking war we need to GET OUT, OR GO ALL OUT. IF we pull out and close the borders, cutting off all food and aid, they will kill each other off like the pack of rabid rats that they are, finally reduced smoldering into a state of waste that will be easy to mold into our own bloated image. However, IF we go all out, Start with public executions, public beatings, crucifixion, mutilation, rape, witch hunts, burnings, looting, no more behind closed doors crap and denial. An all out assault on their culture, values and health. Flood the markets with cheap booze and drugs, pornography and fast food, affordable cars and unobtainable gas prices, a GAP featuring lowrider jeans and smirking blonde models. Then kick it up a notch, bludgeon them in their own civic centers and front yards, to the beat of the 1980's music, with canisters of real nerve gas and anthrax while their scared neighbors, family and friends are at gun point, too afraid to look away. Pistol whip these people with controlled media that is so bewildering that they think bush is a rock start until they understand "we means business", let em know whos boss. Fuck it, I'm drunk....

You're drunk and I'm scared.

Hey, how many times did Cheney say "nine eleven" tonight? About fifty would be my guess. And I totally forgot to get a twelver and some Beam so I could rock out to the Presidential Debate Drinking Game.

Shit.

From: Dondo Subject: Presidential Debate Drinking Game Dearest Big John, Thursday night my homie Special Ed and his girlfriend "six foot three" and I watched the debate like all good americans. Cozying up to some Pacificos we wrote up a list of words like WMD's, Terror-ist-ism, Homeland security, evil doers, etc and each time one of those douche bags uttered them we drank. After about a half hour we trashed. Then we picked the golden word-Osama Bin Laden. upon hearing the word we would rock paper scissors for a shot of Tequila. Seriously, Id take more of this Iraq thing...it makes me drunk! And drunker I get, the hotter fat girls get. And fat girls are EVERYWHERE! We followed it up with some sloppy Mexican food and hot shower. Not together. Weekend rides are here. Bye.

God damn, I should host a Presidential Debate Drinking Game on Friday, October 8th. But, I probably won't be back from Vegas in time.

< Yep, Interbike is this week. Hell, the outdoor demolish started yesterday. I'm rolling out tomorrow. Couple of days, couple of beers and a couple of hundred brain cells. All in a days work, eh?

Check the debate schedule and have a party with your buddies. Sounds like a good time to me.

From: Three Cat Zoo Subject: Great Philly Story… From Page 2 on ESPN Philly Email No. 2: Reader Mike Barrett from Philly follows up on last week's email about Pennsylvania Gov. Ed. Rendell offering Eagles post-game commentary, and sends along a tale from our own Sal Paolantonio about a scene at the Vet a few years back: "A very prominent attorney was taking bets that nobody could throw a snowball and hit the Cowboys bench from (the upper deck). By the fourth quarter, the police were involved, and after the game Jimmy Johnson needed an escort through a hail of white projectiles. Of course, the snowball-throwing contest became bigger news than the game itself. The next day, that famous attorney's name was revealed in the Philadelphia Inquirer. His name: Edward G. Rendell. Two years later, he was elected mayor of Philadelphia."

You gotta scroll down a bit for the Philly stuff, but it's worth it.

And, Barry P., I'm looking for ya.

Monday, October 4, 2004

adele   I   vivian   I   anetta

Drunkcyclist.com wool socks back in stock. Oh yeah, you need a pair of these. I went with ordering more socks instead of another batch of shirts. Maybe someday I'll have the operating capitol to do both.

Click here for all your DC gear needs.

So, this past Saturday we had what you could call a little "party" here in town. The Tour de Fat rolled through like a freight train.

Good times were had by all.

I volunteered to work as a beer server for the noon to three swing. You know, give a little back and all that. Hey, I try. 100% heart baby. Just like my name was Terry Tate.

This from an email I received today: "the good people of Flagstaff managed to put down 85 Barrels of beer in a mere 6 hours. That is 219 gallons an hour or 3.7 gallons a minute, or 64 ounces a second!"

No wonder I got so drunk. Just me and 900 of my closet friends putting away 85 kegs in Wheeler Park. My God, it's a good thing we only try and do that once a year. Otherwise we'd all be dead.

From: Bob Subject: Vermont 50 Hey Jonny, Check this out when you have a second, vnews.com/vt50/vermont50.html. It's a slide show, with sound, of the Vermont 50 from September 26th. It ain't exactly Leadville, but it is 50 miles with 7,000 feet of climbing. It's still enough to make a hard man say ouch. This little story has a kicker though; call it a surprise ending. Thought you'd appreciate it.

With a finishing time in the four hour range it definitely ain't Leadville. But, sure does look like fun. And a single speed took home the honors. Good looking out.

From: Abomb Subject: the more you say something over and over again home.earthlink.net/~houval/gopconstrm.mov The more numb I become to it.

Yep. I'm about as fucking numb as I can get. And believe me when I tell you, that is pretty damn numb.

Speaking of numb and numb skulls. And dumb. And dumb and dumber, the Vice Presidential debates kick off tomorrow night. In fact, it may be the only Vice Presidential debate.

I wouldn't miss it for the world. The Silver Tongues Lady Killer and the Great Republican Attack dog, the No Neck Curmudgeon, in a head to head battle? It's going to be great. Ah, forget about it.

Great new time fuck. Yes, another game to whittle the day away.

You fucking whittler.

Here is it, reverse.

I made to level four before I threw in the towel and moved on to other things. I may have another go at it later. Call it pride, call it boredom, call it what you like. I have a need to beat that thing like a drum.

It's probably a good one to do drugs while you play. Get loopy and get it at.

And, speaking of which, this one threw me for a loop. And that doesn't happen often. Ok, it happens every day, but it was fun to say anyway.

From: Ed Subject: Logan's Bounty of Porn offers Surprise Dude, that link from Logan offered a lot of material, but too much work. I did a spot check on the quality by clicking on statewideclaimsservices.com/555.jpg, which seemed pretty interesting, but not as interesting as: statewideclaimsservices.com/556.jpg statewideclaimsservices.com/557.jpg statewideclaimsservices.com/558.jpg statewideclaimsservices.com/559.jpg It's nice to know that the ladies could be baited with Ho-Hos or Doritos.

So I checked it out myself. And I found the following. No shit, I punched these up right off:

Jesus, I can't fucking do it anymore! Fuck this changing numbers shit!

Why can't they just thumbnail it like everyone else does?

Jesus.

But, damn, those two girls knocking back vodka/redbulls, ripping bong hits and breaking out the whipped cream pretty much made my day.

And then some.

Sunday, October 3, 2004

melody   I   rebecca   I   scarlet

Oh sweet Christ, what a night.

Two quick ones right off the top: You fear Noah and God vs. Bush.

Florida carry's Bush again, and that fucking state is going to fall off and end up at the bottom of the Gulf. And, if this is any indication, things are going to get a whole lot worse before they get better.

Maybe even an email 'cause I still can't hardly see straight. Can't wait for work tomorrow when I'll get to see the condition of my coworkers, both of whom, I might add, we're as blotto as I was on Saturday.

From: C. Subject: Walmart I'm not sure if you posted this but... It makes me sick, that such a mega-mart can sell such a hateful book with such recklessness. I just think of all the people who shop regularly at W.M. and think the DaVinci code is real reading their 'disclaimer' and thinking..."If Wal-mart Says it, Its GOT to be TRUE." We may verily be living in the end-times, my big drunk friend. money.cnn.com/2004/09/24/news/fortune500/walmart_judaism.reut/ "The description, now withdrawn from the Wal-Mart (WMT: Research, Estimates) Web site, said, "If ... The Protocols are genuine (which can never be proven conclusively), it might cause some of us to keep a wary eye on world affairs. We neither support nor deny its message. We simply make it available for those who wish a copy." "

That is some Class-AA, top shelf bullshit right there. Any way you cut it, it's just plain bad.

Way to go Walmart.

And now, some good news.

From: Marty R. Subject: the four C's big Al Schott and I crewed for Dan McGehee at Cochise today. he and Justin dropped 'em all on I-10 about 20 miles before the New Mexico line. Justin was looking s-t-r-o-n-g and had Dan worried. he did self support (!!!) and stashed bottles along the way but about two hours later he was well done like a burger and conceded. Dan went solo off the front for 47 miles and finished in 12:00:42. a beautiful thing. (fucking 42 seconds.) I'm telling you all this because the rumor is that you are sagging for Justin in two weeks at the 508, and I just wanted to wish you guys good luck. we told him that he won our impromptu BALLS award for a kick-ass ride.

So, what are the four c's anyway? I never quite figured that one out.

I will be working support for the 'ol Panda in two weeks. I'm going to see that boy suffer and I'm looking forward to it. He helped me along as I dug a nice grave for myself at the Old Pueblo last spring. And he was there when I nailed myself to the cross at Leadville.

Oh, he's going to suffer all right. Lets just say I owe him one.

From: Logan Subject: Link Stumbled upon this by accident.... statewideclaimsservices.com/1.jpg Change the 1.jpg to any number up to 1733. They all work. Love you're site. Fuck Bush.

I'm almost afraid to ask it you actually checked every possible image number between 1 and 1733. Not like you'd be the only one or anything.

From: Uncle Pistol Subject: Bikefest Ahhhh, The Tour de Fat. It was as good as usual. I am joyfully inebriated. Those Fat Tire Folks are making the world a better place. Unlike ol' W and his pals. Everyone gets excited about the "Contractors" in Iraq. No offence baby but those people are mercenaries. Plain and Simple. They know the score. I've got my application in. If I get hired and then kidnapped and shit, well, those things happen. A quarter mil a year is worth the risk. Whadda ya want? To live forever? Let's Ride!

A quarter of a million dollars will certainly go a long way towards helping me forget things. I couple of cold beers usually is enough for me to start feeling pretty good most night. You know, like I'm really good looking, I can fly and I'm bullet proof.

Its like that.

Do you hear what I hear?

Screw it, I feel like shit. I'm going to bed.

Friday, October 1, 2004, 2004

angel dark   I   samantha   I   elizabeth kelly

Thank God it's Friday, eh? Say it like you mean it. Say it like your Canadian.

And then some.

Hey, look, it's my ass.

Where did that pic come from?

I had no idea there was a picture of my ass from my solo effort at the 24 Hours of the Old Pueblo last year. And, while I'm on the subject, this is an event you do not want to miss. I'd put it up there with any of the country's premier races. You could fall down and land in fun at this one.

And trust me, I have.

This one goes out for the things I can't remember if I posted or not.

Yeah.

From: Big Tex Subject: Ninja Academy This guy failed the local Ninja Academy final exam media.ebaumsworld.com/afroninja.mpg

Gee, ya think?

Homeboy is so badass, he kicks his own ass. And that's a lot of ass. Sorta a Fight Club kinda thing I guess.

Nothing like beating yourself down.

I tend to do it on the trail and at the bar, but to each his own. If you want to jack up a front flip, with your hands full so you pile your fucking head into the ground, hey, so be it. Have fun.

Knock yourself out, as they say.

Tomorrow is Homecoming for my Alma Mater, Northern Arizona University. I fine education I received, let me assure you. And, look how far it's taken me. Now I live in a rental not much different than the one I occupied on college. And, not to far down the street either.

I'm really moving up in the world.

Read this. And this.

Satan for Bush?

Words are stronger than actions.

My favorite line?

The one where Bush says, "You can't distinguish between Al Queda and Saddam when you talk about the War on Terror."

Sure you can.

They are apples and oranges. Al Queda attacked us. Saddam did not.

Big difference.

We absolutely should be able to distinguish between the two.

I'm gonna call this next one, whoa.

'Cause is scares me.

The poor confused thing. Jesus. She needs a boyfriend how treats her with a little respect. Or, a good shrink.

Or both.

This may or may not be the backstory on that vid. Scroll down a bit in the article, and you'll see what I mean. If it isn't, it sure reads like it could be.

Kinda sad, really.

One more and I'm out.

From: Joe B. Subject: No drinking at lunch? FUCK YOU! Oddly Enough - Reuters Boozy Lunches Off the Menu at Brewer's New HQ Thu Sep 30,11:30 AM ET Oddly Enough - Reuters BRUSSELS (Reuters) - It may be the world's biggest brewer -- and in beer-loving Belgium at that -- but InBev does not want its managers drinking at lunchtime. Alcohol will no longer be served in the canteen when staff move into a gleaming new headquarters this year. InBev was formed in August when Belgium's Interbrew merged with AmBev of Brazil, and lunchtime drinking is out of tune with the culture of the new, more international company, spokeswoman Marianne Amssoms said. Unions upset at the lack of consultation were told that the company bar would still serve beer after work. Employees at production sites will not be affected by the new policy.

And I thought I had it bad…

See ya'll at the Tour de Fat tomorrow in Wheeler Park. Be there or be square. And sober and alone and stuff. What are you, some kind of Liberal Pussy.