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doreo hosting

 
Tuesday, November 30, 2004
hottie on a bike   I   barbara   I   lucie

This is a little something I wrote yesterday, and didn't get around to posting.

  I have learned from a wholly unsubstantiated source that one Mr. Tyler Hamilton is about to get shit canned from Phonak.

Whether or not you are one to believe such outlandish claims, my personnel opinion is that Phonak is about to fall in on itself regardless of the contractual status of one Mr. Tyler Hamilton. Another personnel opinion of this humble, if not intoxicated webmaster, is that I'd sooner believe Monkey's Fly Out Of His Ass than one Mr. Tyler Hamilton has never touched a banned substance.

Again, my opinion. And it's worth exactly what you paid for it. At sum total of dick.

I like the guy. I hope he keeps racing. I think he's pretty well up against it at the moment with, what was the phrase Jullich used, "heavy evidence" against him. And, a team on the brink of implosion. If Phonak doesn't get that ever-so-friggin-important Pro Tour spot, that sponsorship money is going to dry up faster than a split Budweiser on a Phoenix sidewalk in July.

And that kids, is pretty fucking fast. I can tell you that one from experience.

Hey, look, kinda wish I had posted what I wrote yesterday instead of knocking back beers with Big Pun and Fitty last night. Shit. Read it all over at velonews.

Is Eric Alterman a cheerleader? Or, man man of the year?

God damn. End of November. No more excuses. Now I've really got to start riding or I'm going to be the fat laughing stock of the MBAA series. Not like I'm not already the fat laughing stock, but I man's got to try a mitigate the damage when he can.

Or am I too far gone?

Got this link today, and the guy who sent it said, "This ought to keep you busy".

Yeah. I'd say so.

I'd also say that server is about to get burned down.

  From: Mike
Subject: you know
bring some fukking ordnance to the dance
sfgate.com

Wow.

Can't say I haven't fantasized about doing much the same thing to the last car that cut me off.

  From: Uncle Pistol
Subject: messico
Mazatlan was fun as usual. There's a couple of pretty good bike shops that specialize in backroad tours. Pretty darn nice guys too. There's also plenty of gray haired motherfuckers usin up all the natural resources they can lay their hands on. Drivin forty plus foot rigs with at least twenty of 'em in caravan. Giving me shit for traveling around on a bicycle. There's two people per quarter million dollar rig telling me I'm in the way of progress. I suppose they're right too. And I really am a fuckup. The night before a big group of 'em pulled out I was pretty ripped up or as they say here: bien dos tres. Mexico produces a good selection of beers. Some of those and a few shots of homebrew mescal and I had a plan. Make the world a better place, blah, blah, blah. Goddarn Mexican lighters never seem to light when you need'em to. I'm out there with a small jar of pura de caña alcohol and flik, flik, flik, the freakin' thing won't catch. Someone's dog raises a ruckus and I gotta run in! to the shadows of the jungle. The jungle is FULL of ants. I am bit to shit today and on my way to Mexico City. I make friends wherever I go. Fuck these tourist fucks. No good deed goes unpunished. I hope you boys ain't too cold up there in that frozen fascist Nazi zone we call the Land O' The Free. It's hard but it's fair...

You can always count on Uncle Pistol to keep things on the fair and level.

I read an article on Velonews today that seemed, well, to be a little different than Big Tex's version of the Boulder Cross Series. So, what did I do? I emailed the boy and here's what he had to say about it.

  From: Big Tex Tullous
Subject: RE: um, dude?
I was a little pissed about this article since it was all about T Brown--well deserved but only a slight mention of me and of course a misspelling. But read closely

"Brown rode and won all three series finals on a single speed and took the overall series win for TWO of the three race series. "

I do know I got the dough and a hefty trophy.

There's some photos of the race and me with the trophy with Travis on this site.

I didn't know there was a photo shoot so the trophy was given too me with a Voodoo Shirt.

Check this photo though:
printroom.com

Ok, you're a badass.


Monday, November 29, 2004
dallas   I   donna   I   fallon

Are you as sick of turkey, and all it stands for, as I am?

Good.

Evil god damn bird. Me? I'm a fan of the other white meat. I'll tell you about all the pork products recently enjoyed by the fat man tomorrow.

Political link of the day.

I'm fucked. I've spent five days on the road visiting both sides of the family. I am completely ruined.

And tonight Big Pun made the call for brewskis at the usual spot. It was fun and I had a couple. Now all I want to do is sleep.

Go figure.

I spent Saturday night free of family obligation and hit Boise hard. Or Boise hit me hard. It's all a matter of perspective I suppose.

Three hours of catching z's on a borrowed floor and it was time to get in the taxi, go to the airport and get the hell out of dodge. Five in the morning is no time to pile your bags into a taxi, especially when you just took a taxi from the bars three hours prior. It hurt big.

Twenty five minutes spend de-icing the plane was a living hell. I hate people. Everyone on that plane, with the exception of my wife, can go to hell. Fucking bastards with their screaming kids, stupid dvd players and sobriety.

Can someone tell me why a gigantic plane weighing thousands of pounds will drive itself straight into the ground from thirty thousand feet off the deck when a piece ice the size of my thumb forms on the wing, while some barn storming idiot working the crowd into a frenzy at the Iowa state fair in an open cockpit prop plane with a man, a full size living and breathing man is walking, yes, walking around on the wings?

What the fuck is wrong with a jet that can't stay airborne with some fucking ice on the wings? I don't get it.

Not that I minded the de-icing so much. I figure, fuck man, take your time. I live living. Probably a whole lot more than you like your job spraying anti-freeze all over this tin piece of shit. The man with my life in his hands might make six bucks an hour. Just like your average EMT. What killed the moment for me was all the pin heads bitching and moaning. Their mutterings were like nails driven straight into my head. Blame it on the booze, the election, what have you. I hate the people I share this country with.

We land in Phoenix. We're late. People have connecting flights to catch. The stewardess asked, very politely I might add, over the intercom if this is your final destination, please remain seated so other passengers might exit the plane and make their connecting flights.

The guy sitting next to us was heading to Houston. His next flight was boarding in five minutes. The couple behind us was going to Puerto Viarta. Their flight boarded ten minutes ago.

My wife and I stayed in our seats to give these folks a fighting chance. They were nice people. I wished them well. They said thank you.

Every single person in the ten rows in front of us, all three seats on each sides of the isle, 60 people not including the cock suckers in first class, got up and left before these poor bastards could get off the plane. The exercise took ten minutes if not more. All those ruthless cock suckers standing there clogging the isle like so many fucking sheep.

The man sitting behind me said, "I guess they all have connecting flights too."

His voice trailed off and we both knew none of them did.

Fuck it. How 'bout some mail?

  From: Big Tex
Subject: Lost is a big word
Lost is a very big word. I would rather you use the words, "I took a wrong turn." So yes, I did take a wrong turn at El Tour with 5 miles to go but I was already in bonksville so it didn't matter. I got what I wanted---sort of. My hour of power training is no good for a race 111 miles long. It's only good for 105 miles. So I finished in 4:28 and I think I was the only rider out of 7000 sporting the DC jersey. Although, Bob Roll was there and he was the poster boy for Drunkcyclist. I can't believe they dedicated El Tour to him. He came into his speech wearing a live strong band on one arm and a livewrong band on the other drunk off his ass only talking about why isn't there beer at the aid stations. This is a good question but I must say my previous encounters with ol' BOBkey have not gone so well. Remind me to tell you about the time in 95 when he tried to fight me because I beat him in a MTB stage race. Long story short--he had some choice words and finger along with finger and arm jesters for me and invited me out to the parking lot to "rumble." I wave $1000 cash in his face and smiled.

Anyhoo, after that crushing defeat at El Tour, I drove to Mexico and got loaded on margaritas and Pacificos. Good times. Beach, beer, more beach, more beer for 3 days. It was good training to recover like that.

So I flew back to a winter wonderland on Friday to Colorado to finish up the two CX series up here. Saturday was the final TIAA-CREF CX series and sunday was the Boulder CX series.

Saturday was a rude awakening after having two weeks off from Cross and cold. It was about 25 degrees out there with a wind. Travis and I did our usual split from the field. Then he kept attacking me--imagine that. I would reel him back just a little and he would go again. I was embarrassed to be beat by a guy on a pink single speed CX bike but it was T Brown. He won by mere seconds again. This is not a pattern I like so I meant to remedy it on Sunday in Boulder.

However, mexico came back to haunt me that evening and all night with a little revenge if you know what I mean. So I spent the day today watching your Eagles toy with the Giants. That's my story. Only two races left- Oh, I won the overall for the TIAA-CREF CX series by mere points over TBrown.

Good luck riding the horse.

I just want to know what the horse is?

  From: Keith
Subject: Redhead for Dave
She's' hot:
gallery.g72.org/porn1_/xxxsdfg1
Pictures 80 - 99

Yeah baby. I'm sure whenever Dave sees that one he'll be diggin it.

God damn. Stick a fork in me, I'm done.


Wednesday, November 24, 2004
oh   I   my   I   god

Happy Turkey Day everyone.

I'll be back in Flagstaff on Sunday.

Untill then, eat, drink and be merry.

It's a celebration, bitch!


Monday, November 22, 2004
redhead for dave   I   friends   I   I'm dying…

Happy fucking Monday.

First order of business: I will have more Live Wrong bracelets in two weeks.

I'm looking to take over the world.

But I'll settle for a good nights sleep at this point.

I may not eat at McDonalds, but I'll be damned if the employees aren't hotter than fucking July.

We each have our own cross to bear in this life.

I'll be heading out of here for Thanksgiving. Glorious Nampa, Idaho, awaits me. The promise of turkey and family will bring my big fat ass pretty far it seems. Couple of thousand miles? Is there a free meal involved? Ok, I'm in.

Hey look, I think it stopped snowing.

I packed up my running shoes in a feeble attempt to mitigate the damage I'm about to do to myself with to many deserts. I like pie.

Not much of an update tonight, I'm afraid. I've spent my time and energy stuffing bracelets, stickers and socks into envelopes. I'm thin on everything but stickers. I'm sitting on hundreds of those bastards.

Good thing they're cheap.

Two weeks. More bracelets. I hope ya'll can wait that long.

I'm even going to be pimping some shirts. And why not? Why stop at the bracelet when you could be extending your middle finger at the whole damn planet?

At least that's what I'm thinking.


Sunday, November 21, 2004
anita dark   I   eliza   I   lesbians rule

Happy Sunday. Sunday is fun day. Today is a snow day. Today I'm stuck indoor cleaning my spacious, modern, delux, extravagant rental. Hey, it's in a great location. What'd ya expect me to do, move into some cabin out in bumfuck? When mountain biking down in Sedona yesterday. Just a 40 minute drive away and the weather is completely different. As it was raining and snowing here, it was the kind of day for wearing shorts down there. And we took advantage of it.

I've been playing around on some single track out by the Village of Oak Creek, and there is a whole lot of stuff out that way I've never seen. It's always kinda fun to check out new stuff, not know what's around the corner and finding out. Some of them turned out to be social trails that danced a little close to the Wilderness borders, and in some cases crossed over. I've figured out a couple of loops now, and I look forward to finding more.

Gives me something to look forward to this winter other than driving to Tucson every weekend just to ride. That'll come soon enough with Thanksgiving coming up next weekend. Jesus, it's almost friggin December. Bring the pain.

How to turn cheap vodka into the good stuff.

It's snow like hell here. I guess I could be happy about it, but I'm having one of those days where the glass is half empty, the out look is grim and shit ain't never gonna change. Buck up, Cowboy and all that. Yee haa. I think it's time I go for a walk, get up and out the house. Too much cleaning and organizing my piles of garbage. Too much.

Or is it to little to late?

Derek Wilkerson won El Tour. He rode for Jelly Belly last year, I have no idea what he's doing now. Results up at pbaa.com.

The pace was ten minutes off last year until the second river crossing. A "river crossing" at El Tour means running your bike across a sandy wash cross bike style. At that second river crossing, four riders got away. Our Mr. Wilkerson, Jonas Carney, Scott Blanchard and Jason "Big Tex" Tullous. And they finished in that order except for Big Tex who got dropped and, are you ready for this, lost.

I can't wait to hear from him.

He had better come up with some story about pulling off to grab a cold 40 oz. at Circle K, getting full swizzeled and taking a short cut back to the pizza joint, or I'll be calling him a dumb ass on this very webpage.

Former World Champions don't get lost, they get even.

Maybe I'll send him a nice card.

How long has it been since Kyle died? Two weeks? I'm still getting emails about him. And it still chokes me up. Fuck, that was hard.

Thanks to all of you for your letters.

A little late on the take the country back tip, but I spent a lot of time checking out this webpage, mac.com/duffyb/nobush/Menu129.html. Give it a whirl, it shall not disappoint.

I still am swimming after what happened November 2nd. Still I wonder what the fuck country I live in. I need to get out more and mix it up with the God fearing folk. If I could just learn to turn off my brain, thing wrestling is real, NASCAR is exciting and God hates fags. I get my hands around that and I'm one happy fuck.

Till then I'm stuck with being miserable.

  From: Corey the Courier
Subject: RE: Still drinkin'…
Sooo, I'm out on sort of a date with this chick I met at a bar on Tuesday night. We meet at another bar with mutual friends. I guess it was her way of finding out if I'm sociable. We decide to go to small club with booze and dancing. We stuff my bike in the back of her car. Along the way, she picks up her short fat friend. No concern, I'm drinking for free tonight- the lady is paying! We get there dance a little, drink a little. I somehow get separated for one minute so I can buy whiskey and upon chatting with another young lady, I find out she loves bikes. I immediately forgot about everything else going on in the place. She told me she was a "bike whore" and wanted to learn how to ride a track bike. The sad part was seeing the girl who drove me there leave after I ignored her. As we were saying goodbye, the Bike Whore snatched the beer from my hand and drank it. Yeah, what a rotten bastard I am. If you're going to fall make it a doozy. Went home with you know who.

Glad you're not here to see all of this debauchery. It's shameless....

I've got nothing to offer anywhere near as badass as that. Sure, I knocked back a few pitchers with my man Brinky and Big Pun as the Eagles beat the shit outta those no good Redskins. Sure, I did that. Silly me.

When the Eagles win, I rejoice.

Tonights drunkcyclist recommended reading:

riverbendblog.blogspot.com
yahoo.com/news?fallujah_prisoner_shot
mykeru.com/weekly/2004_1114_1120.html#111604
registerguard.com/news/2004/11/14/a2.warcrime.1114.html
juancole.com/
observer.guardian.co.uk/business/story/0,,1355973,00.html

Like I'm an Indiana Pacer laying into some bitch fan in a Detroit jersey.


Friday, November 18, 2005
zdenka   I   is it the glasses?   I   couple 'o chicks & a plastic dick

Two big things this week. First, I got the Live Wrong bracelets I ordered. Took a while for the first shipment 'cause they had to make me up a mold and some other shit I barely understand. Good thing I had a level heading partner on this one.

Second, I damn near sold through my entire stock of bracelets. In two day. Amazing.

I figured people would like them, but I had no idea they'd go this fast.

Some of you out there may be getting refunds via paypal. I hate to do it, but it looks like the last 5 or six people that squeaked in before I shut it down may be out of luck. I haven't counted through everything yet, but it's fucking midnight and I'm tired. Enough of this already. I've been at it since I got home from work.

This afternoon, I knew things were hot. And I left the links running full steam thinking I'd sell close to maybe 100 units in four hours, leaving plenty to spare I'd kick back, give it a few and check in later in the evening.

Well, turns out I more than tripled it. The word "fire" comes to mind. I shut the whole things down and started printing out every order, counting everything up. The usual Santa Clause type shit, making a list and checking it twice. Funny how a gigantic box with fucking hundreds of little bracelets suddenly starts to look very empty after you spend five hours doing nothing but stuffing them into mylar envelops. Two here, three there. Jeez. My head is spinning.

The socks, I'm not quite out of. But I'm down to something like 12 pair. Maybe less than ten. Cut that one pretty close as well. So, I shut down that link too.

Funny thing is, the DC gear sales really hit the roof this last couple of weeks. I was sitting on jerseys and socks for month and months. Shit, I had close to twenty jerseys just five weeks ago. All of the sudden, it all just disappeared. So much for keeping anything in stock around here. Feast or famine, with nothing in between. I have more bracelets on order, in fact, they've been on order. Details on that to follow as I get them. The socks aren't firmed up yet, as I'm considering changing up the design a little for a new run. We'll see how it sorts out.

Thanks to all of you who ordered DC gear. Very cool. And I'm stoked everyone thought the Live Wrong bracelet was as funny as I did. I have it on good authority none other than Bob Roll was rocking one down in Tucson last night at the El Tour banquet dinner. And he even mentioned it in his speech.

I never saw that one coming. Never in a million years. I figured donkeys would fly first.

What can I say, besides: Rock out with your cock out. All you ladies, just borrow one.

On to the mail. It's far more interesting than me sitting around stuffing product in mailing envelopes and writing out addresses on a Friday night. God, I am such a fucking loser. I haven't been out of this chair, save to piss, in hours. This ain't the type of saddle sore I was hoping to develop this weekend. I was more aiming towards something involving my bicycle.

Ask, and ye shall receive oh brother!

  From: J.
Subject: For your readers
So I'm home at lunch, surfing the Web, listening to music, and I thought your audience might appreciate this article and associated photo. My personal favorite line from the article is, "The drink, like any other alcoholic beverage, can cause intoxication and, of course, hangovers." Apparently a wrinkle-free complexion as well.
Is New German Beer Fountain of Youth?

The juries still out on that one, but I can tell you one thing. You look better when I'm drinking it.

I don't have much of a lead in for this next link. I'm not sure anything would be a good lead in for this trainwreck. Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you cooking with cum.

The, ahem, guy who sent me that link works for CTS. Is this an indication of what it takes to go fast the "clean" way.

I'd rather do the drugs.

I'm going to go hang myself now…

  From: YT
Subject: Bush is President, deal with it
Hey D.C. I'll be boozing...I mean "dealing with it" too. It is so fucking sad to hear the ignorant majority (thank god its only a slim 1 percent) of our country support Bush. Fucks like Ryan who you posted enjoy thinking that democrats like Clinton are responsible for all of our problems and G.W. is so great. These twits have obviously taken Carl Rove's propaganda,,,,,,,hook, line and sinker. I can't remember a time when we were worse off overall as a nation than right now:
1. Many poor and politically unstable countries are developing nukes.
2. Russia, under ex-KGB officer Putin's leadership, has developed a portable, nuclear, ballistic missile that will effectively neutralize Bushy and Rumsfeld's kagillion dollar missile defense system.
3. With no logical reason and no end in sight Bush pours 1,000's of American lives, 10,000's of American casualties, 100,000's of innocent Iraqi lives (many children), and $1,000,000,000's of dollars (that's billions borrowed from child-labor-using, environment-destroying, communist China) into the already pissed off Middle-East. Go Bush! Go USA!

In response to Cryin' Ryan the Clinton basher, I wonder if he remembers Clinton's Tomahawk cruise missiles that blew the fuck out of Bin Laden's training camps in Sudan and Afghanistan? Does he remember all the right wing blowhards that whined of the tail wagging the dog!? Yeah, the president getting a piece ass in the oval office was so ultra critical to our nations future. Does he remember the cleanest environment in recent history or the best economy in recent history? Nope, just terrorists and that blow job in the oval office.

I wonder if he remembers who gave all the training and chemical/biological weapons to Hussein? How about who gave all the CIA training and weapons to Bin Laden? Hmmm... Presidents Ronald Reagan and Bush Sr.!

Thanks to Ryan and the rest of the 51 percent of the dumb fucks, the great USA is now to circling the drain.

I need a PBR from the fridge.

Here's to pieces of ass and drinking cheap American beer. Hey, at least I have goals.

  From: Michael
Subject: New design for SS/Fixed hub
A vast improvement over the current standard. Check the site:
levelcomponents.com
Designed by one of our own. I know he could use the support so if you like it, link it.
Cheers

I've linked that site before, and I think it was at least a year ago. Glad to see the design is still coming along. I think I first heard about it from Tall Todd. Anyway, I've also heard about people running disc brake wheels backwards with a gear drilled out and bolted to the hub where the brake would go. Seems to work much the same way, but more ghetto.

I got an email that says one line. And that line is "stupid fucking war". And that email with that one line came with a link. And that link is Fallujah in pictures.

  From: Bill
Subject: CWF
J-
Dude, can you believe this shit? Check it.
christianwrestling.com
Un-fucking-believable.

I am now officially scared. And there are wolves after me.

Is this funny ha ha, or funny oh no?

  From: Aaron
Subject: even better perspective
sorry to keep pushing the political thing, but after seeing the Mercury maps you posted, thought you might want to get a look at this
esri.com/industries/elections/graphics/results_2004_lg.jpg
and these
cscs.umich.edu/%7Ecrshalizi/election/

What a surprise. If you live in a place with a whole lot of people, all creeds and colors, and those people just happen to make money and contribute to our Great Society, you went Democrat. If you live in some backwater shithole where the average 17 year old already has at least one child, the murder rate is higher and damn near everyone gets some sort of federal assistance, you went Republican.

God damn, I love this country.


Thursday, November 18, 2004
gizella   I   jenny   I   katalin

Tonight was snow shoeing. Quite a turnout as well, there must have been 10 of us trudging up the slopes at snowbowl. I turned left at the midway catwalk with one other fella and cut the loop down a bit. Still, even the short version was a two and a half hour hike. And, it turns out we didn't cut it down all that much as we were only back at the car for 10 minutes before people who went to the top started showing up.

I imagine that's because they are a whole lot faster than me.

Good time. I think I'll be doing more of that this winter. Maybe even, gasp, every week. My legs are thrashed at the moment, and I'll bet the morning is going to bring some real pain.

And, pain is good, right?

Tons of interest in the Live Wrong bracelet.

Order yourself up one of these fine units here.

  From: bRad
Subject: La Ruta on a single speed
A friend of mine just finished La Ruta on a ss. He will be posting reports of each day throughout the week.
smallbrowndog.com/ubb/ultimatebb.php?
thought you might be interested.

Yeah, I'm interested. I know a few other guys that went down and took a swing at that bastard. Maybe I can shake a race report out of one of them?

Guys?

Looks like I'm still the political cyclist. At least part of the time.

  From: Three Cat Zoo
Subject: For when this shit matters again
Reading this made me feel noticeably better after the horror of the election.

I had heard or read all of these comments from respected military professionals before, but never in the same place at the same time. What just went down in Falluja is a microcosm of the whole Iraq fuckup. Sure, we can kick ass at a time and place of our choosing (which is apparently Rumsfeld's substitute for having a dick) but in the end we've just created another devastated shell of a city and another couple hundred thousand displaced angry Iraqis from whose numbers twice the numbers of killed insurgents will arise to continue the struggle.

Hold on, the next 4 are gonna be scary....

Yep, four years of drunken fury. What's that phrase all the kids are using these days? Oh yeah. Bring it on.

Coin. Two sides. See what I'm saying?

  From: Ryan
Subject: Bush is President, deal with it
you do nothing but whine. i have yet to see anything from you about what the government can do with the deficit. we do happen to be fighting a valid war here. that costs money. That valid war is a war against the terrorism that your hero Slick Willy let plague us for eight years. 1993 WTC bombing? the several embassy bombings? we did nothing to prevent more from occuring. and because of that we got four jets rammed up the nation's ass. And about Iraq: Hussein refusing and evading inspectors doesn't seem just a little suspicious to you? hell, if it weren't for the pussies in france who didn't want the UN to take action because they had a huge oil deal with Iraq, we wouldn't be the only ones in Iraq right now. But we did what we thought was right at the time, and it was. If a guy's walking through a metal detector in an airport and gets stopped by security to see what he has under his jacket and refuses, you sure as hell would let him through wouldn't you? because you want another jet hijacked or blown up. i would have stopped him, and if he had kept refusing and acting suspicious, i would have taken necessary actions to prevent him getting on that plane. it's a simple enough analogy, i hope you understand why i believe we had every reason and right to invade Iraq for the safety of the middle east at least. And that's why i voted for Bush(along with a majority of Americans, in fact more than have ever voted for a president before).

I am dealing with it. I'm drinking.

And, enough of this numbers game where we say more people voted for Bush than in any other election in the Nation's history. More people also voted for Kerry, the loser, than in any other election. Know why? Because more people live in the United States now, in 2004, than in say, 1884.

Bottom line, 51% is just barely a majority. One click more than half. I would hesitate to brand that a "clear mandate".

I wonder how far we'll have to go into Bush's second term before it'll be out of fashion to pin the blame on Slick Willy Clinton?

So, what's the cut off? Five years. Six?

How 'bout when Bush the Lesser has been at the helm for 7 years. Can we then just say things that are, shall we say, fucked up all to hell, are Bush's problem and not Clintons?

Can we do that?

El Tour is this weekend.

  From: Tall Paul
Subject: FW: El Tour to hit a new attendance record!
For the first time in El Tour's 22-year history, El Tour could go over the 7,000 mark!! Last year's total of 6,506 was a historical record. At this time projections indicate that we'll have anywhere between 6,600 to as many as 7,100. There will definitely be a new attendance. Just how much of a new record is the question.

Please pay particular attention to the cyclists out on the Tucson streets training for El Tour over the next few days. Honk after you pass them. Your honk will let them know you are supporting their efforts in raising money for Tu Nidito Children and Family Services and their quest to finish the El Tour de Tucson on Saturday, November 20th.

Come join us at El Tour EXPO on Wednesday, Thursday and Friday at the TCC. Meet El Tour participants from all around the world, see the newest bicycles and experience healthy foods and review new training equipment.

Now that's a lot of people. Kinda like Ragbrai without all the nudity and booze.


Wednesday, November 17, 2004
jesse   I   candy   I   gina

Ah, my merry band of mother fuckers. G's up, hoes down. Unless of course, you'd prefer that prime time piece of tail your dropping your hard earned cash to wiggle that ass a bit. Then, I suppose you can do as you please.

Packed up the last jersey tonight. Can you believe it? Sold all those fuckers. Now, if you figure in all the ones I gave away, I probably broke even on the deal.

Business guy I ain't.

You knew it was coming. Could this be the first drunk cyclist knockoff? Check out the caffeinated cyclist.

It with great pride and the utmost sincerity I present this next item. The Live Wrong bracelet.

Yeah. I'm selling the fucking things. Just in time to ruin Christmas. Buy one here.

And now, on to the mail.

  From: Frank
Subject: They might be moving in on your territory
then again, maybe not. Thanks for fighting the good fight, hope to see you here in August.
liegirls.com
mtnittanywheelworks.com

I like those girls. They make me feel better inside. Even if they are lying to me. As long as they look good doing it, right?

I'll be out for the Worlds. It's going to be a fucking trainwreck. Good times.

I hope you guys are ready for the drunken horde to descend on your bars and women (and livestock) like a plague of locusts.

Time to build a better bush. Or, something like that anyway.

Hot girl on a bike. Sorta.

Check out this entry over at twong_on. I'd say homeboy just hit a homerun.

  From: Aaron
Subject: Mine is thicker
that mike M. guy doesn't have a clue (like the french carpenter) when it comes to thick burgers. check this, from my boy shamus....
maximonline.com/stupid_fun/

Jesus Christ. Just don't show that thing to Big Pun. He'll have us all on some crazy road trip way out to Clearfield, Pennsylvania, to find Denny's Beer Barrel Pub and attempt destroy some big ass burger in under three hours. Why? Because it's fucking there, that's why. Why'd some pinhead climb Everest? Because it was there.

  From: Don
Subject: big meat
BJ,
My condolences to you and all who knew Kyle; I didn't know him but remember reading that race write-up and thinking to myself that this a guy I can totally relate to. Good stuff.

For Mike in Mass, I got your beef (read: heart attack in a bag) right here:
carlsjr.com/home

Hopefully that comes up with the Six Dollar Burger which only has ~950 gut-wrenching calories. Thankfully for your waistline, only 65% of the calories come from fat :/

So bad for you, but oh it tastes so fucking good . . . you just can't stay away.

Kinda like binge drinking or watching good gonzo porn.

I'm getting fatter just thinking about it (the burger, not the porn.) I think I'm gonna watch some porn before work.

Cheers from Snobsdale

Suddenly I'm hungry as hell. Thanks guys. Appreciate it.

Go figure, marketing works.

Ton's of email about Kyle. I read damn near all of it already. Replied to most as well. And there is still more. Thanks to all of you. And, don't forget to check out the thread we've got going over on the boards.

After that got linked off Velonews, the views went up over 7,500.

Now, that's a lot of views.

  From: Dave Evil
Subject: New Pro Cyclists Suck
Heya Jonny,
Sorry for the loss. We hoisted a few in his name here in Evil Milwaukee. Ok, more than a few.

Check this and please link it. I'm fucking pissed off.

evilcycling.com/pro_cyclists_suck.htm

Hope you're alright. Be well, my man. Oh, and fuck off.

I'll just leave it at that.


Tuesday, November 16, 2004
lonnie   I   bath time   I   lesbians rule   I   nic

Tonight, after work, when a bar stool seemed a far better idea, I tried running. I laced up the kicks and thought, what the hell am I getting into? The dog was excited. Running shoes means we're going running. 1+1=2 and other oddities explained later in the update.

Maybe not.

The dog and I made it one half hour in the cool mountain air. We straddled that time where it's not quite late afternoon and not quite early evening. The sun was setting another glorious Arizona sunset, the mountains reflecting a dying days amber glow.

I am motivated by my midsection. The softening mass where beer goes to die. We ran past kids at soccer practice, past mud puddles, past cars. It felt good. Except for all the hurting.

Man, I am one shitty runner.

But what can I expect having not done the deed with any regularity in months? The answer is not much. No quarter asked, none given.

I imagine I'll be doing more of this running stuff in the coming weeks. I've got to figure out something. It's getting far to cold, dark and muddy to get much cycling done around here.

  From: Mike M.
Subject: Monster Burger
Heyo,
Not sure if you have a Hardee's restaurant in your area... I'm in Western Mass and I think the last Hardee's closed it's doors in 1987... But I'm currently planning my next road trip around obtaining one of these...
monster thick burger
Love the site. Keep it going.

Sweet Christ, that's a lot of beef.

And I think I might like it.

Sorta like I like this next one over at beer.com, the virtual bartender. Oh yeah, she's fun.

I've gotten a couple of emails suggesting phrases to try out. Here is a list, and a few of my own thrown in there as well.

have a pillow fight
eat a banana
kiss a friend
sing
lap dance
beer
hummer
lips
ass
spread your legs

Feel free to experiment with that one. What's the worse that can happen, they cut you off?

  From: Mark
Subject: More porn links please
The only way I am going to get through this next four years is to have you place more than three links at the top of your page each day. Let's face it, porn has a better chance of healing the country than the President does. At least porn makes people WANT to get together.

I hear that. The downside is, it ain't always easy trying to find three good galleries. Four might just break the camels back.

But, I'll see what I can do. At least for tonight.

Four more years?

Four more beers?

Four less gears?

A hundred reasons I didn't vote for Bush.


Monday, November 15, 2004
bike porn   I   cuties   I   hard life

It's November 15th. The election was two weeks ago tomorrow. And we're already moving ahead with oil drilling in Alaska. This is just the beginning. "The Bush administration believes the new Congress next year will approve oil drilling in the separate Arctic National Wildlife Refuge, which may hold up to 16 billion barrels of crude."

Feel good shit.

Canada opens it's arms.

What a weekend. It had everything, trial, tribulations, success & failure. Times two.

  From: otto
Subject: ohio
Jonny, I got to get this off my chest, and I hope that you post it on your site. I am from Ohio. In fact, I moved recently from Akron to Columbus, the capitol of Ohio. It seems that the impression the rest of the country has about us is that we are some backwoods jesus-fucking inbreds. Most of Ohio lives in large cities. Large, fairly progressive cities. Akron, Cleveland, Columbus, Toledo, and Cincinnati. Add to that Youngstown, Dayton, and Canton, and you have a pretty fucking urban state. Now, I want to tell you about Tuesday in Ohio. We had lines of four and five hours to fucking vote in the more liberal areas(around Ohio State, Columbus State, and some of them more progressive areas and gay areas such as German Village). These lines forced many people in these liberal areas not to vote. I work and go to college, so do a lot of other people, you think that we can all take five fucking hours out of our day? I, for one, had to skip classes and miss a ! test to cast my vote, which probably never got counted anyways. Funny how the conservatives got all the polls they needed around here (no lines for them). My neighborhood had 5 machines for 3 regions and lines out the ass. In Cleveland, republicans went to the black neighborhoods and challenged voters. A local poll worker who was also a member of MoveOn told the story of being advised to alert college voters that they may lose their financial aid if they voted. Lose their financial aid?! Can you say "fucking lie"?! I heard people at my school discussing the wondrous fact that liberal areas had a hard time voting, and that this difficulty may have won georgey the election. I also want to tell you what I voted on, an electronic polling machine with no fucking record of votes what-so-ever. No paper trail, no evidence of a vote. As I said, I live in Columbus, I see few bush supporters, and Kerry's name is everywhere. This is not a conservative area, yet they say bush won the ! election. In Cleveland, they say he lost by the narrowest of margins. Apparently, the same people who were voting Dennis Kucinich back into congress were also voting for bush. Does that make sense to you? Does that seem like reality? Across the state, ken blackwell, a republican, challenged voting from poor neighborhoods. He sued to block their voter registrations because they were printed on cheap paper. Are there laws for this? No. What did he say when compared to katherine harris? He pointed out that she won a seat in congress for her efforts. Sound sketchy? I thought so.

They blocked black votes, they blocked college votes, they blocked votes from the poor, they put voting machines that leave no paper trail in the most liberal areas of the state, while the rest had punch-card machines (and no, they did not count any that had hanging chads or dimpled chads, if you are wondering). They cheated. Was it enough alone to cause cheating? Probably. Definitely? No. But we are cyclists, in our world, if you cheat, you lose. Not because it alone gave you the win, but because it alone could have given you the win. bush did not win legitimately. There was no motherfucking mandate. There was no justice. They lie and lie about democracy, and pat each other on the back when they keep those negros, those homosexuals, or those dirty liberals from voting. The emperor, fully naked, is deceiving us and robbing us blind.

And people, he is not a fucking cowboy from texas, he is a cheerleader from Connecticut, start paying attention!

This is democracy? This is the "united" states?! WHAT THE FUCK?! ...Please discuss this. Please let people know what 'voting' is like in Ohio. He is not a legitimate president. He is certainly not my president.

Twas an article in the news that came across AP, "machine errors." Not a lot of votes itself, but you just gotta keep chipping away, right? -otto Fascism - a system of government that exercises a dictatorship of the extreme right, typically through the merging of state and business leadership, together with belligerent nationalism." - The American Heritage Dictionary

"If classical liberalism spells individualism, Fascism spells government. But not a government of, by, and for We The People - instead, it would be a government of, by, and for the most powerful corporate interests in the nation." - Mussolini

...we got women the right to vote, we freed the blacks, we gave education to those who weren't wealthy, just what are they 'conserving'?

Welcome back to the Political Cyclist Monologue. Back to vagina in a minute.

One. Two. Three. Four. Five.

Tried to ride the bike some last week. It didn't take.

On Thursday I rode up National and then Holbrook trail to the Dobbins lookout at South Mountain for Kyle Bielenberg's Memorial.

I don't know what was harder: Riding up there, reading the email Dru & Kelly sent from New Jersey, or riding back off that damn hill with a buzz.

Maybe it's a three way tie for Really Hard Things To Do?

Well, it's official, I'm a big fat fuck who can't get out of his own way. I'm pissed and I want to break things. Yep, jonny's back ladies and gentlemen.

Lock up your sheep.

I know I've bitched & complained about email. And I know I really don't want people to stop writing in. How else would I find out about cool shit like fuck the south and voyeur web?

But, 320 unread emails sitting there waiting for your attention is enough to break the most hardened of us internet cockjocks. Trust me, I would know. And I've got a 7:00 pm kickoff deadline to fear.

I'm going to watch the Eagles beat the living shit out of those bastard Cowboys. I hope Big Tex wakes up tomorrow tasting bootleather, that's how bad I want the Cowboys to lose.

. Speaking of that Bastard Texan…

  From: Big Tex
Subject: Race Report
Juan Grande,
First my condolences to Kyle, his family, and friends. Take care during these days of mourning. I wish the best for y'all.

Boulder CX Series Race #2
Another good showing of riders and fans with over 40 starters in the Men's Open category. Sickness has overtaken the Voodoo/Drunkcyclist team so only Half Wheel Mike and I showed up this day. The course was super cool with some BMX like berms and winding single track. The finish line lied 30 meters beyond a 180 degree triple barrier which could make for some interesting sprints. The start was fast with Ben Turner of TIAA CREF leading the first 3 laps. Then the TIAA CREF tried to launch Brandon Dwight. Big Tex went with Dwight and they had a small gap. Gullickson, Brown, and Kiwi Mark Legg bridged the gap. Brown soon threw down the gauntlet. Big Tex was the only survivor. Then Big Tex noticed his rear skewer was loose as his rear wheel was rubbing his frame every time he sprinted out of the corners. He stopped to fix the problem. In that time, he rejoined Gullickson and Dwight to chase down the Trek superman. Dwight found himself on the ground through the tricky triple. Gullicson and Tex worked well together and with 3 laps, Tex gritted his teeth to catch Brown. Just as he caught Brown the tricky triple tripped Tex. Big Tex augured his left shoulder into the ground like an anchor. No worries, he sprung up banged his bars back straight and kept charging. Brown ended up winning by a handful of seconds and Big Tex once again had to settle for second.

Green Mtn Sports Cross
Hey its' a cross race with prizes! That's a rarity here in Colorado. All the other races are based on the series overall. Well only 20 guys showed up to win prizes today. Within the first lap of this super long 8 minute lap, the race was down to three guys---Marc Gullickson, Jon Baker, and Big Tex. But hey, who's that only seconds behind the lead group. It's Snake. He has been training the past two weeks with some base miles. Big Tex played the quiet mouse and let Gullickson and Baker take turns at taking pulls. On the final lap as the lead group of 3 unshouldered their bikes, Big Tex's pedal hit him in the back of the leg. The pedal hit his funny bone and his leg stopped working. He's limping as the other two guys pull away. He's walking gingerly over the double barrier as the other two ride to the finish. He remounts and sounds the horns of "Charge!" Tex passes Baker like he's standing still and can see Gullickson. They sprint to the line and Gullickson barely holds on by a bike length. Good effort but second place again. Just then Snake is hydroplaning over the gopher holes onto the pavement in his 46x12. The breeze blows by us as he outsprints Giant rider Mike West for fourth place. It's the first double podium for the team and we celebrate at the local Baja Fresh.

My name gets on the pages of cyclocross world but no mention of my sponsors. My apologies. I think there is a conspiracy
cyclocrossworld.com

Tullous. The name strikes fear in the hearts of slow dumb farm animals across west Texas to this day. And he ain't lived there for years.

Good lookin out, Tex. You are a very bad man. And I can still drink more than you can.

If by some chance the fine folks that put together Cyclocross World read this, how 'bout a little love for the DC? He is flying the colors after all.

I probably already posted this, but fuck it. It made me laugh and I like that.

  From: Ang
Subject: UCLA Study
A study conducted by UCLA's Department of Psychiatry has revealed that the kind of male face a woman finds attractive can differ depending on where she is in her menstrual cycle.

For instance, if she is ovulating she is attracted to men with rugged and masculine features. However, if she is menstruating, or menopausal, she is more prone to be attracted to a man with scissors lodged in his temple and a bat jammed up his ass while he is on fire.

Further studies are expected.

Sounds about right, doesn't it?

It snowed today. Maybe I should go snow shoeing tomorrow? Kinda along the lines of that whole "when life throws you lemons, you make lemonade" deal.

Words to live by.

  From: Dan
Subject: I'm gonna kick that Death MF's ass
Dude, sorry to hear about your bro. Death sucks. My godfather was run over and killed by a garbage truck two weeks ago. Just lame....

Here is something to cheer you up.
umodela.com

Yeah, that'll work.

One more and I'm out.

  From: Response
Subject: Fear Factor
I look at America and see a land full of cowards. People who are quick to make fun of things they don't understand. People that fear risk and change. Like a pack of unruly children with a lord of the flies mob mentality.

Being a bicycle rider I experience this every day. People who don't have the balls to get on a bicycle are quick to give me grief on the road and socially.

Most likely, they are the same people who are afraid to disagree with what they see on the television. People that don't realize that the TV is a weak form of entertainment. People that don't understand that you could learn more by eating a newspaper than watching a month of 7:00 am news programing.

I will tell you this. People who drive SUV's on the same road with me on my bike, live in a fantasy world. A world filled with fun yet conquerable obstacles. An empowered and defiant world where gas runs from trees and anyone who pisses you you off, why you may simply crush them with your immense penis graft of a car. A world where if you ever decide to take you vehicle off-road, your warranty is not instantly voided. I am not saying this because I cannot afford a gas guzzling behemoth, I am saying it because people that drive SUVS are afraid. FEAR and VANITY keeps those suckers on the road. They are afraid of their own driving abilities and afraid of everyone around them. The bigger the car, the bigger the fear. If they really needed more space, they would drive a van.

Bush made it back into office because people are afraid of change. We are at WAR a mess that the chimp started. People are afraid to change amid a struggle. The way I see it, BASEBALL. When your pitcher is blowing it, you take him out. You don't quit the game, but you make changes.

However, people are looking for a leader, a strong and likable leader. Someone to protect us and keep our values in line. Why? Because we are afraid to be the boss, everyone wants rights but not responsibilities. The president is an EMPLOYEE not the boss. People have lost sight of the prize. Freedom starts with the people and ends with the people. As soon as we start thinking about the government as above the law or even as an entity that rules us, we have fucked up.

However, I am not complaining, I love BBQ's, cocaine, cowboy hats, guns, drunk driving, forgiveness by jesus hisself, country music, the death penalty, gay bashing (so does the kkk check their web site) and Jerry Springer (no offense to the red states that cultivate such wonderful entertainment).

WE voted for a king and we got one. I just hope I die from good living before the gravy train runs out. Too bad he's a lame duck and can't be voted in again. Hail to the chimp!


Tuesday, November 9, 2004
kyle rippin it   I   nik, dru & kyle

Kyle's memorial service is on Thursday at 3:00 in the afternoon, at Dobbins Point, South Mountain.

We will be riding up National Trail to the memorial.

I will see you all there.

This is his obituary in his hometown newspaper, the Stanwood/Camano News.

This is what the MBAA is working on for next year, putting Kyle on the awards for the State mountain bike series. His date of birth will be corrected on the final version.

He was 26 years old.

It's a hell of a thing, isn't it?


Sunday, November 7, 2004
We lost one of our own.

My friend Kyle Bielenberg died in his sleep last night.

Center, in DC jersey.

Far right, in Bianchi jersey.

There will be no updates on the site for a few days.

When I receive information on his memorial service, I will post it here.

I started a thread on the forum if you'd like to say something about Kyle. Click here.


November 6, 2004
so hot   I   yeah buddy   I   stupid shit

This appears to be a more accurate representation of how the states broke down between Bush & Kerry in the election by IQ and income. I don't know if it's medium or average income, but whatever. Still interesting.

More feel good inspirational stuff: "The President's win "erodes the view that one must distinguish between the disliked Bush Administration and the American society we've always loved," says André Kaspi, director of the Sorbonne's North American History Center." From time magazine.

Although I do not necessarily agree with all of John Kaminski's essay, this passage hit me like a brick:

  "The biggest question of all is about the caliber - and the sanity - of the American people.

The mask is off now.

The lies used to justify the continuing slaughter of innocent people in Iraq fester like an infected scab on the psyche of the American people, who have become so twisted in their pursuit of narcotized tranquility that they are now even cheering the deaths of their own children who come home in boxes we are not allowed to see. How much more insane can it get before blissful blackness will alleviate our misery?"

Fuck it. I'm going mountain biking. In Sedona. Where it's warm.

  From: Chris
Subject: Philly fans unite
Big,
The election is over and we are all pissed about the outcome. I felt physically ill, and generally depressed on Wednesday, all day. The copious amounts of tequila the night before didn't help either. Well now we have a new challenge, and that is defeating the Steelers tomorrow.

Repub, Democrat, Idependent, left wing, right wing, middle of the road, I don't give a fuck. If you're an Eagles fan, you'd better have your rooting cap on tomorrow come 11 AM EST.

Peace out. Spread the word.

And then you have this.

  From: Russ
Subject: Big Game
Jonny, I hate to toss salt on you since I know you've had a rough week... but I have to point out that

THE STEELERS ARE GOING TO OWN THE EAGLES ON SUNDAY!!

Have a beer, it'll all be better soon.

Oh, you bastard.


Friday, November 5, 2004
nice wallpaper   I   wanda curtis   I   teri weigel

What a week. I'm gutted. I'm going to be doing some riding this weekend to try and work out the kinks in some other way besides boozing my brains out. Getting drunk all week didn't do much for feeling better about the election.

Have you seen what going on over at John Kerry is a douchebag but I'm voting for him anyway dot com?

Pour out a little liquor.

Fuck it all.

Check out Rock Paper Saddam where Tiger hand always beats paper.

Views from around the country on bbc.com.

From nytimes.com

  "But many Bush voters could not comprehend why Americans would not automatically support any president in wartime or the Kerry supporters' anger at the president.

"I couldn't understand why other people around the world would hate Bush," said Sandi Hadley, 55, browsing the market in Columbus. "He's patriotic, and I like that because I'm like that."

Mrs. Hadley said she supported Mr. Bush primarily because she is an evangelical Christian and admires his religious beliefs. Her son was in the Marines, she said, and she feels a responsibility to support the war.

"I don't like to see our guys getting killed," Mrs. Hadley said. "I feel so sorry for mothers whose children are over there. But I feel like we needed to be there, we needed to stop terrorism."

Her husband Gene, 79, cut in. "People say George Bush is a cowboy," Mr. Hadley said. "Well, what's a cowboy but a guy in a white hat, getting things done for the downtrodden? People say he shoots quick. Well, listen, sometimes you have to do that, you have to be decisive. Kerry never projected that."

People around the world hate us because we invaded another country for reason we ourselves are constantly changing. Invading Iraq is not stopping terrorism.

What exactly has George Bush done for the downtrodden?

He gave the Iraqi's Freedom?

I give up.

"This was not an election. This was station identification. I'd bet anything that if the election ballots hadn't had the names Bush and Kerry on them but simply asked instead, "Do you watch Fox TV or read The New York Times?" the Electoral College would have broken the exact same way."

Read the rest here.

Don't miss Dowd either.

From the November 3 edition of The Rush Limbaugh Show:

  "LIMBAUGH: Look at all the losers: [Osama] bin Laden, George Soros, MoveOn.org, Hollywood, Old Europe, the United Nations, MTV, liberalism, the mainstream media, Dan Rather, Bruce Springsteen, and terrorists everywhere. The winner yesterday: the United States of America."

He forgot one Loser: Me.

  From: Patrick
Subject: slap, slap (your face)
Jonny,
Ok, Ok, the Republicans won but please stop the whining. It's unbecoming. the world will still keep rotating and the trails and booze will still be there. And another thing, why do you think that the Federal government is so damn important anyway. Did you sleep thru the history class when they talked about the Constitution. Hell, I slept to, but I do remember the part where our founders were keen on keeping it small and limiting its powers.

George Bush won because no matter how dumb he is, no matter how poor he speaks, and no matter how much he is fucking up the war, etc. He is insistent on downgrading the role of the federal government. He knows its a bunch of bozo's and bullshit. (and always has-been/will-be due to its nature).

It just seems that the Libs think the federal government can/should be used to solve all this bullshit.
Like a big magic pill. My final point is:

Yes the world is fucked up but we need to figure out different methods to solve it rather than falsely believing the federal government can do it all…

Ok, I said my peace. I love this site. Now I am going to get a tall R-n-R to loosen up for an epic ride thru the hills of Pittsburgh.

R-n-R

fill large glass with ice
pour in generous amount of Appleton's Rum (it must be Appleton's)
fill rest with Red bull

Yeah, I am beginning to get sick of this whole sorted mess. I'm sick of fucking campaigning about it. Fuck it. The bastards won.

I'm surrounded by Jesus Freaks awaiting the Rapture.

Fuck it.

Lets stop teaching kids about evolution, outlaw booze and reinstate slavery. I'm all for it. I don't care anymore. I'll see you all in hell.

Or, Canada.

  From: Ryan
Subject: Oh Canada!
BJ,
Take care. I'm moving to Canada, eh.
cic.gc.ca

You know, I've been hearing a lot of that lately.

On the other side of the coin.

  From: Jeff
Subject: buck up little camper
I'm a relatively new reader to DC. But have perused the archives enough to get a good idea of what's going on here. Boobs, bikes and beer - sounds Bob and Dougian enough for this reader.

Its now a few days after the election and all the while Canadian TV has been covering it on the "look who wants to move to Canada now" tip. Which, to its credit, has an interview or two with discerning Americans about their disappointment with the election results and the state of the country and whatever. This is all fine and good, but as per some of the other emails posted on DC is really the wrong way about it if you ask me. You (and others) may be right, you may in fact, be fucked. But - Fight for it man! This may sound hypocritical coming from an overly polite-roll with the punches-ill get over it-Canadian but really! Don't let the next four years get the better of you. If turning the blind eye is the only way to cope, fine, I can recommend a few good bottles to keep it blurry. Thing is, as the US goes, so goes Canada, for the most part - we just get to save political face more often.

As for who gets to move here - if I get to choose... LESBIANS, that's who.

Our shit's fucked up too.

peace

Well, you heard him. Stay here and fight.

How 'bout a little Shakespeare on a Friday?

(Update: Turns out the quote I put up yesterday is not really from Shakespeare. But this next one is.)

  Patriotism is your conviction that this country is superior to all others because you were born in it.
Author: William Shakespeare
Source: Coriolanus (Cominius at III, iii)


Thursday, November 4, 2004
lonnie waters   I   jesse capelli   I   chrissy moran

So, Cuth went to Philly. Lets start out with that before I throw myself into the rest of the emails.

  From: Cuth
Subject: Re: Bush's Debate Notes
lastly, I wanted to share my first experience with the city you so love. yes, I was in Philly all last week for a training class. well, Horsham, but I was able to get into the city on a couple of occasions. this was my first time to PA. now Jonny, I know how you feel about Philly, but I have to ask, WTF!!?? first, turnpikes are a trip. I hope someone is making out on some sort of tax break for all the cash they have to be raking in on that system. I have to admit though, the absence of lane markings coming out of the toll gates onto the pike, creating the ultimate drivers free-for-all, is quite the rush. I can't imagine what that would be like in the snow. second, what's up with the no turn thing? I felt like I was waiting at lights most of the time, and when I was moving, I was going around in circles. no turn on red, no right turn, no left turn, no turns. jesus, its like being in behind-the-wheel purgatory. finally, and most importantly, is this gem. so wednesday, I'm headed back to the hotel and think to myself, 'I'd like to grab a sandwich and some beers and watch the game back in my room.' so I head over to the local Giant supermarket to pick up a six pack. ok, so 30 minutes later after combing every inch of every aisle, I came to the conclusion that this particular grocery store for some reason does not sell alcohol. no biggie, I'll head over to the CVS. hmmm, nothing here either. this is weird. so I move on to the 7eleven. yeah, they have to have beer. still, no alcohol in site. so at this point, I'm beginning to wonder if I'm in Utah or something. no that can't be, because I had beers in the Bennigan's restaurant the other night. ok, gotta find a liquor store. Jenkintown, Abington, Horsham, willow grove, no fucking liquor stores either. at this point, I'm ready to pull someone over and pay good money to join the secret fraternal brotherhood of beer drinkers of PA just so I can get a damn beer. in the end, I gave up that night and went home thirsty and sober. thursday night, I resumed my quest. as luck would have it, I saw out of the corner of my eye a wine and spirits shop in a strip mall, but the discovery was in vain as the store was closed. down the road a bit was beer world, also closed. and another beer and spirits store, closed. jonny, I was almost in tears. it was only 8:30 and there was not a beer in sight, anywhere. in a last act of desperation, I walked into another CVS and embarrassingly asked the clerk where I could purchase beer or wine. a customer spoke up and said, 'what, do you want like a six pack or a bottle of wine?' I said, yes and he directed me to a deli across the street. I made my way over, and there, in cold, fluorescent illuminated coolers was the golden treasure. six packs, forties, indies, they were all there. as I took the two quarts of yuengling lager to the counter, I had to ask the clerk what the hell is up with this situation. I had been looking for a beer for two days and I find it in a deli? I would have never thought I could buy beer to take home in a deli. he then explained to me the alcohol distribution laws of PA. what the fuck is up with that? where in the world did they come up with such a system? I have to ask you Jonny, do you know if PA is the only state that does this, or are there other states in the vicinity that are the same? the lesson I learned is that when I travel in the future, I will be sure to look up any laws on alcohol sales and consumption. I tell ya, some things you just take for granted.

in all fairness though, Philly was great. the history is obviously amazing. I saw all the sites and couldn't help but think about how young the US is, and to think that only 228 years ago, those movers and shakers, the ones that changed history, walked on those same grounds. weird. I walked south street (very similar to haight). went to Pat's and had a steak, in fact, went back the next night and had another. something about the bread. cruised chestnut and ventured into west Philly for the adventure. at the end of the day, I'm glad I got to experience what I did. I'd like to go back for a second round.

thanks for letting me share.

The liquor laws in Pennsylvania are pretty well fucked up. I don't think they'll ever change that shit.

  From: Steven
Subject: Am I dreaming?
After an election night binge, my hangover is wearing off and find out I wasn't dreaming and that the bastard is back in office. What the hell just happened?? I can't believe how divided and fucked up this country is now. If I wasn't a drunkcyclist before, I certainly am now. Now where's the JD???

Yep. Booze. Good.

Want to see the direct correlation between how a state voted and the average IQ of the citizens of that state?

Funny how that works out.

  From: P.
Subject: Scary
Just when you thought it won't/can't get any worse, I hear about the next nightmare.
Cheney retires in a couple years They bring in a McCain or Rudy G to fill out the term and put the presidency on a silver platter for the taking.
You know what big jonny, if all of the women, gays, yutes, minorities, national guardsperson's and their families etc. don't care enough to vote or otherwise want this regime to run our country, who am I to suggest otherwise.

I'd say there is a pretty good chance of that scenario happening. And it'll work like a charm.

  From: Cory
Subject: Sweet fucking jesus
Big Jonny, Reading your page usually brightens my day. Not today, motherfucker, when I needed it most. We're all fucked, and I fear for more than the next four years. Thanks for fighting the good fight, at least. I'm at my second day in a row of wearing all black, and my second day of a raging hangover. I fear the next time you see me, I'll be barefoot, mohawked, have bloodshot eyes and be taking a big pull off a bottle of whiskey again. And I hope it makes me feel better, but somehow I doubt it. Keep up the civil disobedience, I know I will. Fuck, fuck, fucking shit

Yep. Booze and lots of it. This one is pretty funny.

And we could all use a laugh.

  From: Ron
Subject: I feel like I just got the shit beat out of me
I am trying to figure out when the shock and awe of this election will be gone.
But the more I think about it the more I start to realize it won't just disappear.
I don't even know how to feel about America anymore. I can't believe people voted Bush back in office. I came into work on Wednesday and some coworkers were all smiles. I just don't understand how they can feel good about the decision they have made to put this world monster back in charge of our country. Some of them even have kids. Don't they know they are putting their kids in harms way. They are going to be the youth that have to fight for this W fucker. Depression is a bitch, but I feel like having to defend my fellow Americans to other countries is even harder. Now traveling abroad is going to be even more awkward than before. Fuck, I am so pissed now I can't seem to focus on anything. All I can hope for (and this is terrible) is that something really bad happens on Bush's watch and he gets all the blame. That way I can look at my coworkers and say with a smile, I VOTED FOR KERRY!

Yep. I'm a mess too. I don't even know what to think anymore.

"Shock and Awe" is a phrase that comes to mind to describe my current situation.

  From: Chuffer
Subject: couple of thoughts
Hey Johnny,
Thanks for speaking your mind and posting the e-mails of others who were angry and embarrassed by what 51% of our country men did on Tuesday.
I am living in Germany and all of the people I know (regardless of where they come from) are just shocked and sad. Not a single person I know can believe what we just did.
Oh well, guess I'll be staying in Germany another four years. Fuck. Just when I thought it might be nice to head back home. I bet you poor bastards living in the US are gonna have some kinda implanted chips or tattooed-on ID numbers before georgefuckingmonkeyboyWbush is done with you all.
BTW, that fucking smirk drives me up the wall too.

Four more years of The Smirk. Christ, I hadn't thought of that. Great. I'm so fucking excited.

  From: Gnome
Subject: RE: Yo
Yea,
I just listened to Douche bags press conference and Oh Jeezus are we going to be fooked.

Nicole's been crying all yesterday about it.
We went to Jerome for her 32nd b-day which was on the 3rd. I surprised her with a room at the Grand Hotel and a kick ass dinner last night. It helped.

I can't help but feel a sense of impending doom with the election.

I strenuously disagree with the 52 percent of American Ignorance that voted.

Well, A very Happy Birthday to Nicole. We could use a reason to party a little around here.

Tonight, somewhere in American, a person is having a birthday. Raise a pint.

Read this.

I don't know how I can ever share all the email I've been getting lately. I mean, good email, well thought out and funny stuff. Plenty of this stuff needs to be heard. So, please feel free to say whatever you'd like in the forum.

Ok, back to the email avalanche.

  From: James
Subject: The post-election-four-more-years-blues
Dear Jonny,
I waited to see what you posted about the election before I began writing. I share in your disappointment and frustration. Many people, myself included, felt that change was sorely needed to put our country back on track. I think the idea that "Bush is good for our country" is incomprehensible to many of us. I, for one, find myself having great difficulty understanding that sentiment, try as I might.

I-you-we like bikes. And boobs. And alcohol. Maybe even some things currently prohibited under this great country's laws without a prescription. Those likes, in general, tend to make us lean toward the left politically. One can be an ardent supporter of the far right and enjoy these things, certainly, but it comes across as a bit disingenuous. The religious implications inherent in Bush and Cheney's current version of the G.O.P. preclude openly embracing the lifestyle of the inebriated-bicyclist-pornographer.

Mr. Moore, along with some of the more progressive blogs, still seem to be looking for the smoking gun, and I'm afraid that it is non-existent. It's over. We missed our chance, and we can only fault ourselves. Looking back, I did not do everything I could have to ensure Kerry's victory. I merely voted for him, all the while bitching to my like-minded friends and family about Bush. It became obvious late Tuesday evening that the Bushies wanted it more than we did, from the top on down. We thought we might be able to win. They knew they had to.

This election also showed us that the G.O.P. knows how to play in the sticks, with the yokels eager to swallow the bullshit, hook, line and sinker. USA Today is written at a fourth-grade reading-level, playing to the lowest common-denominator, and the Republican party understands and uses this at a very fundamental level. As if scripted, the fly over states raised their collective middle finger to all of us coastal dwellers, if we include the Great Lakes coastline, as we found ourselves unable to counter the Republican's moves because of our inability to comprehend the feelings and beliefs that are held in the red states. Do Mid-Westerners and Southerners actually worry about gay people marrying when we have kids getting shot on the other side of the world for no apparent reason? Does G.W. seem like a good guy to them? Do people really listen to Alan Jackson? Is Wal-Mart a great place to work and do all of your shopping? Do people really go to church? This election has shown us that those answers are "Yes" to quite a few Americans, the majority in fact, and the Democratic Party did absolutely nothing to try to reach out and understand the issues of these people.

I realize most of your readers may not be old enough to remember the '72 election. I was only six, but I remember hating Nixon for sending my favorite uncle to Viet Nam, and I couldn't understand why anyone would vote for any candidate other than George McGovern. Everyone was ready for the war to end, but the G.O.P. made the election about McGovern's Vice-Presidential candidate having spent time in a mental institution for treatment of depression. Nothing has changed, has it? Divisive, misleading issues have been a staple of the G.O.P.'s campaigns for decades, yet we act surprised each and every time, like Charlie Brown with Lucy holding the football.

Let's not talk about moving to Canada because, let's be honest, Vancouver isn't big enough for all of us, and we have as much right to live here as the people with the fish emblems and W stickers on the back of their S.U.V.s and Camrys. Let us instead continue to fight for what we know is right. Let's learn how our opponent habitually acts and reacts, and use that to our advantage, as they have with us. Let's glean from what we have done successfully, as well what we haven't, and quit being so damned polite and willing to give up. Let's get up in some faces in our day to day interaction with those around us. One can be confrontational and respectful at the same time. Fighting for what we believe to be right is our only option if we are to make this country great again. Nothing will be achieved by giving up. If we don't continue to fight, we will lose everything, and that cannot be an option. Remember, there is nothing inherently wrong or bad about winning, as long as you don't shit on anybody. Honest.

Wow. That was a long one, eh?

I wish I could think of something to say…

  From: tim
Subject: fly-over states
hey man, don't be lumping us up here in wisconsin/minnesota/even fucking illinois with the rest of those idiot "moral-issue" states. check out that map on npr.org. we're blue, not red, brother.

we may like bratwurst and the green bay packers, but our delegates are voting AGAINST w, my man.
home of PBR, went for kerry. fuck the red states.

This seems a good a time as any to show off the new map of our country.

Good times. Now read the email below.

  From: Reg
Subject: Here's a great solution to our 'problem'
Hey,
Desperate times call for desperate measures. This post to a forum on slate.com seems to find a solution. I like it.

Secede for Success

Now that we're over the loss of Kerry, on to new business.

Take back Congress/ Impeachment

When the Democrats re-established themselves as a majoritarian party through Bill Clinton, the GOPigs responded by sabotage and litigation traps. They undermined the office of the President and set the nation back years for the sake of their own hold on power. For the sake of humanity we must do the same.

Before we can even think about impeachment, we have to get back the Congress. We have to get back one branch of the gov't in order to make anything happen. We certainly need a non-GOPig dominated Congress to give impeachment efforts any legs. Additionally, the special prosecutor option was severely limited by the GOPig Congress virtually the minute BushCo took office. Go figure.

Problem is, how do retake Congress when Congressional districts are gerrymandered such that only 1 to 4 of them are even competitive in a given election cycle? That's what Bill Moyers and a lot of folks are going on about in the discussion of the death of democracy. When you add in the power of money to determine a campaign (especially on the House district level) the problem of forcing large shifts in the partisan balance seems to become insurmountable.

Without competitive congressional districts, we can't get a non-GOPig branch of gov't. Without a non-GOPig branch of gov't, we can't get the investigations, hearings, special prosecutors and other items necessary to bring down a president. Information and evidence will remain forever secret. It seems like were all trapped in a big old net thrown down on us, strand by strand, since 1980.

So, what can we do apart from flail impotently at a locked up GOPig national gov't? And apart from seeking refuge in the Three Jewels? (sex, drugs and sports?) that is?

Secession. Hey, from a native son of the Land of Lincoln, that's a dirty word, alright. But I'll not only say it again, I'll say it while suggestively squeezing my crotch.

They say if you want to understand a man, walk a mile in his shoes. Well, this election, the folks in the Blue States have walked in the shoes of those Southern secessionists who found themselves trapped in a political system that was inexorably destroying their way of life. Now I know what they meant by "fire eater."

Naturally, we won't secede to preserve the right to own human beings. We shall secede for the purpose of preserving our principles, which include not participating in imperial wars of acquisition. After that, take your pick of any of 1001 reasons why intelligent, reality based humanists would be vexed being politically dominated by a bunch of right wing extremists and religious fundamentalists.

Let's face it. Politically, the game in the US may well be lost. I say, time to pick up the chips and walk away from the table. And why the fuck not?

If you look at the likely seceding blue states, we got almost all the good stuff. We got New York, New England, the Great Lakes states, Chicago, California and the Great Northwest. That's almost all the fresh water on the continent. It's more than enough agricultural land, especially if we can bring along "border" swing states like Ohio and Iowa. We're also all nestled together, making for contiguous borders.

We also share a common language. A language that does not normally include delusional terms like "rapture" and "creationism."

And, in time, we could easily unite with Canada, infusing their vast unpopulated lands and resources with ex-American people and vim. Hell, throw out the right wingers and the religious nutbags, and the Canadians ought to be damn glad to have us.

What do the red states have? Har dee har har. Well, they got Texas. Once the blue states secede, the remaining United States can become like Texas all over. Serve 'em right, too.

Frankly, everything the Red States have to offer we can get cheap once we secede. Oil? Shit, they're running out fast. We can buy that crap on the market, and probably refine it better ourselves. Now, I haven't done the research, but I'm confident that the Blue States have the higher proportion of high tech, high productivity jobs (Manhattan, Chicago, LA, the Silicon Valley, etc.). We have a higher proportion of cities that are mass transit friendly, and have plenty of culture and capital.

Frankly, by cutting away the dead weight of the Red States, we can position ourselves to compete successfully in the global economy. Let those dipshits bankrupt themselves fighting losing imperial wars. Let them get nuked for stealing oil and assisting the Golem Sharon in displacing the Palestinians. We can concentrate on building strong alliances with the civilized nations of Europe and Asia, educating the folks, helping humanity with science and foreign assistance.

When the Blue States want to profit from manufacturing, we can invest in the Red States, and let them pollute themselves to death, slaving for subsistence wages. We can skim the profits and leave the shit to them. And the water? Hmmm, it's going to get mighty mighty thirsty down Texas was soon enough. How does $51 per barrel of Lake Michigan water sound?

Financially, it's well established, I believe, that Blue States contribute far more revenue to the federal gov't than they receive in benefits. The complete opposite is true of the Red States. That's kinda what happens when you go from a raw resource based economy directly into a third-world like manufacturing and service economy. We can stop subsidizing those morons, at long last.

It doesn't have to be hostile, either. We can immediately go to an EU like system where citizens of either color state can travel in and out of the other color states without a passport. Trade should be as open and unrestricted as possible. The mass immigration of sane and reasonable Red State people to the Blue States would be welcomed. As for the ethnic cleansing of fundamentalists from the Blue States, so far I'm leaning against it. But one more Janet Jackson type imbroglio, and those fuckers are OUT.

Nope. All we do is withdraw from the Union, form a new federal gov't. We can compose a new anthem (I'm partial to something with a reggae beat), a new flag (finally, with some pastels!), and a metrosexual version of Uncle Sam-- well coiffed, manicured, donning some flaming threads and ready to boogy!

Some people look at these United States in division and conflict and ask why? I see the Blue States forming a more perfect Union, and ask, 'why not?'

I'll end it with this.

  From: Christophe
Subject: A fallen rider
Hey Jonny,
As a regular to the Arizona cycling scene, I thought you and your readers should be among the first to hear that this week, Arizona lost a true champion. Steve Walters of Prescott was struck and killed by a car while on a training ride. Many of you knew him as one of the state's better time trialist. Some of you knew him as the fierce masters 50-59 rider who had won more than one State Championship race. He was a Cat II "old guy" that regularly had a rider half his age clinging to his back wheel begging for the pace to slow. I am extremely fortunate to have spent many early mornings riding with Steve, and more than once was that young guy clinging to his back wheel. His abilities on the bike were the stuff of local legends. On those days when all of us were on the couch looking out the window as snow fell, Steve was out riding. Yep, he was that guy we all knew was out there on the worst of days. And those were the days he seemed to love most. He always inspired us to ride harder and farther. He was the ultimate cyclist and most of all, one of the greatest guys I've ever known. He will be missed.

Thanks and be safe out there.


Wednesday, November 3, 2004
emma   I   cuties   I   jesse cappelli

We are all wearing the blue dress now.

Yeah, this is about as fucked as we could get.

Fuck.

The GOP has the Presidency and both sides of the house. When they put in three (or four) new Supreme Court justices, they'll have that too.

They are going to have all three branches of government. And they are going to railroad all of us with their right wing agenda. It is coming.

We are fucked.

Roe v. Wade. Gone.

Gay Rights? A distant memory.

Immigrants? It's all their fault. They get nothing. Now, go clean my pool and trim my palm trees.

We're going to be looking back at Clinton as the fucking glory years.

I am so deeply and completely disappointed.

Today, my friend, we are all wearing the blue dress.

By my last count every one of the eleven states that voted on amending the state constitution to ban gay marriage passed the amendment. I find it horrifying

Arizona just passed Proposition 200.

A good read on it here.

I heard an interesting statistic on the radio this morning. I don't care enough to try and find it online. What is said was, on the coastal states, such as New York and California, the biggest issue in the election was the War in Iraq. For the states up and down the Mississippi river valley, the fly over states, the biggest issue was "moral values".

Moral values? What, like you care about abortion, but invading another country is no problem?

I talked to a couple on the street last night in front of the Orpheum Theater. They said the only places left to live in this country are the Northeast and the Pacific Northwest. And they may well be right.

Arizona went for Bush. No big surprise I suppose. At least Coconino County, where I live, carried John Kerry.

Thank God for small favors, right?

The first good news would be this:

"The Bush administration announced Wednesday that it will run out of maneuvering room to manage the government's massive borrowing needs in two weeks, putting more pressure on Congress to raise the debt ceiling when it convenes for a special post-election session."

I feel like I've been kicked in the nuts. Do you?

In case you don't, read what Adam Yoshida has to say. Curb stomping? Adam wants to get in on some curb stomping? Well, Adam, in the words of your man George Bush; bring it on. I feel quite confident you are not going to be getting the better of me, my friend. I may be a liberal, but believe me son, I am no pussy.

Stolen Honor, the whole damn thing: stolenhonor.com/documentary/watch-video.asp.

Great link up at Talking Points Memo about troop preparedness. Compare and contrast what Bush said about Clinton in 2000 to what exists on the ground today.

Ah, the troops. Most of the military voted for Bush. Good luck with that deployment rotation. Hope you weren't planning on seeing your family any time soon.

I'm gonna switch up to some mail before I drive myself insane.

  From: Chuck
Subject: I'm drunk and I love my country
let's be honest. if I weren't half in the bag, this wouldn't be happening. all signs point to another four years with the asshole in chief. I can't help but think back to the lessons I've learned looking after 3 - 5 year olds (that's right, some drunk is raising the youth of America. rest well). I've always believed that you don't dislike the youth, you dislike the behavior. you may choose to use stronger language if you like. I don't hate bush. I don't fault him for being somewhat slow and arrogant. I don't dislike him for that little smirk he gets whenever he thinks he gave the "right" answer. but, I fucking hate what he's done to/for our country. I hate that my time spent overseas was tainted by his foreign policy. I hate the discussions I had in pubs trying to defend my country with the old standby, "I voted for gore." actually, I voted for Nader, but what did I know? anyway, let's hope this is premature. let's hope I and nbc are wrong. let's hope the beer doesn't run out before I can pass out, oblivious to the world around me and all the shit I only wish I could control.

proof-reading is fun with a buzz.

Right on.

  From: Jason O.
Subject: RE:
Jonny,
The kid is doing great, though given the results of this election I am afraid of what the world will be like for him. I thought that Americans would step into the voting booth and have some sort of moment of clarity and realize what a horrible job Bush has done, but it looks like I was wrong. Not only is it looking bad for Kerry, but the Republicans picked up three house seats and three senate seats. Jesus Fucking Christ, how has America bought into their line of bullshit so completely? At least the Daily Show will be funny for four more years. (until Bush has the FCC shut them down or charges them with sedition or something)

War is Peace, Freedom is Slavery, Ignorance is Strength!

Check out this link from the Nation.
thenation.com/special/pdf/100facts.pdf

Right on.

  From: Bocephus Punkerton
Subject: Thanks Ralphy, yer the best!
Jonny,
I urge all Kerry voters to find your local Nader supporters and proceed to beat and maim them beyond recognition. Thanks a mill you fucking vile shit stenched douche nozzle. Now was not the time for you Green partied assholes. And for that, I'm going to have to either move to another fucking country, or prepare for Civil War. You can't heal a country that is so ready for a regime change. I know what side I'm on... and it's not either the Fascist Neo-Cons', or the vote stealing Greenies. I'm ready for the fight...

I wonder if you can even say stuff like that anymore? With the Patriot Act, and Patriot Act II in the works, free speech is just about gone isn't it? I can't wait to get a little visit from the Jackboot Thugs 'round about 4:00 am tomorrow. It's going to be great.

  From: Steve S.
Subject: [no subject]
its official. 51 % of America can suck my ass.
I heart me some jonny

Yep. It's official. I'm surrounded by hate filled war mongers. Take it the enemy. Whether the enemy is Oceana or Eurasia I can't be sure. Whichever they tell me we are at War at. I will just believe.

I want to believe.

  From: P.
Subject: RE: campaign volunteering
What the *%#*% happened?
All I can say to get a little comfort is that we made it through Nixon so there is still hope.
Otherwise I am just flabbergasted. Black Wednesday.
I am thinking now more than ever that "drugs are the answer" whatever you got--- the harder the better.

I've spent the last two nights getting drunk. I don't know what else to do.

  From: Mr. Bradellaide
Subject: America: What Are You Smoking?
Well we've really done it this time. I was just embarrassed to be an American before. After all, he wasn't elected then, so our electoral system could be blamed. Now I'm flat out ashamed to be an American. What happened?

I would say something like "all of the uneducated idiots in our country outnumbered the ones with brains", but I can assume that some people in my address book actually did vote for Curious George. So now what can I say? What were they thinking? Kerry was a relative unknown, Bush was a definite known. Why stick with the known loser when you could take a gamble and probably get someone better? If nothing else that should have driven people to swing the other way, but something stood in the way. Does more than half of the country stand to benefit from the retard's wealthy tax cuts? No that's not it. So why did people vote as they did? It would have been virtually impossible to find a worse president to vote in, so how did this one get more than half the vote? Are there that many gullible soccer moms who bought into the "make America paranoid" scheme?

The question is what to do now. I want to leave the country again. Now we're the epitome of international ridicule for actually voting him in. The world already hated us, now they will absolutely loathe us. Most of you probably don't believe that, but I can testify that it's true. We're absolutely hated. By virtually everyone. Americans are too self-centered and don't care about international issues in general. This truly shows in this election.

I hate this country, but love it at the same time. If only I could live in another country but still have friends, family, and grocery store choices. Call me unpatriotic, I guess I'm about as unpatriotic as they come. How embarrassing. Call me self righteous, call me whatever you want.

Some day things will straighten out, but not any time soon. Keller has it good living in Italy. He can stand back and look on in disgust with the rest of the world while I sit inside and feel absolutely humiliated and enraged. If you're offended by this email, I'm glad you get to know how I feel.

Shame on us.

Indeed. What else can I say?

News from across the pond.

  From: Jeff C.
Subject: loyal reader in Spain
Hey Big J.
I read you every day. Even though I might not share your views or opinions in some cases, I do appreciate your search for the truth and that you inform yourself before forming your opinions.

I can tell you from a perspective here in Spain, Bush is pretty much disliked, and most of the Ex-pats I know here are pretty hearty Kerry supporters (even if it is because they hate Bush more than actually liking Kerry!).

Oh yeah...thanks for the daily pix...

Thank God for porn and booze. It's all I have left.

I figure they'll hurry up and take that from me as well any minute now.

This next one is from a man I know in Jordan. Think of it as a snapshot of what folks in that part of the world are thinking.

  From: S.
Subject: Sad day
It is a sad day. I didn't sleep all day watching TV to see who will led the United State the next four years which I carry a lot of love for her. I like to see the beautiful American I remembered in the 1995 (my first visiting to the US).

But we need to respect Americans people wish to choose Mr. Bush as their leader for the next four years. With all the damage Mr. Bush did to his economic and the death of his innocent solders in illegal war and death the innocent Iraqi people with the isolated policy he put his country through the last four years. Yes don't like to see the beautiful place with his people (the USA) to be lonely again from the rest of the world.

He stayed up watching the results come in, as did many other people around the world. How many people in this country just went to bed?

Pretty distinct difference, don't ya think?

One more and I'm out.

  From: Pman
Subject: Not fucking again!
Big Johhny! WTF!

Looking at the map it looks like we fought the civil war again, yet lost Ohio and Indiana. Oh ah wish ah wuz in the land of kkkotton.

I am putting a rebel flag and gun rack on my car tomorrow! Joining my local nascar club and shredding my diplomas from my advanced degrees. Breaking my radio so I can't get NPR only kkkuntry and oh yes, ditchin my sisie boy spandex bike for a real one with a gas eatin motor. YEE FUCKIN HAW

Startin tomorrow I'm home schoolin my kids. First lesson, why God made the AK 47 sos the white man could hunt dinosarz and protect himself from the homasexshul!

Gotta go buy some concrete for my new bunkkker kkkomplex! Love live KKKarl Rove and our freaking fearless monkey leader.

I look good in this blue dress, don't I?


Tuesday, November 2, 2004
gizella   I   jenny   I   jessica

Sweet Christ, this election nonsense is killing me. Just fucking killing me.

I'm glad I'm not the only one.

  From: sean
Subject: god in a foxhole
I don't care about much, and I never pray about anything anymore but I'm praying; I'll trade a piece of my soul for this one; which makes it me kinda vulnerable on Wednesday morning. Yet I know the sun will rise if bush wins; it us that won't shine as bright. It will affirm the dark spirit of America as the dominant vision. Long live beer, bikes and boobs. Peace out bro
ps thanks for your progressive thoughts in spite of IT ALL.

Long live beer, bikes and boobs.

I got an email from a guy named Phil. He didn't say much. Just, "This is my message to Bush."

I can't stand this. I need a drink.

  From: P.
Subject: campaign volunteering
Thought you might get a yuk out of this election morning experience.

Being such a close race I thought I needed to do a little more than just vote today, so I took off work and volunteered to drive some dems to the polling places. When I arrived at HQ for my driving assignment I learned that nobody had yet called in requesting a ride but people were asked to rally in front of City Hall during rush hour traffic in the 15 degree wind chill factor weather sporting a Kerry-Edwards sign. Not my idea of the most efficient use of last minute campaigning but what do I know. So off I went.

While I was out there rallying (by my lonesome if you don't count the one Renzi supporter) I had a big old Ford P/U truck fully loaded w/ gun racks and even a Dallas Cowboys Star as big as the back window drive by honking to beat the band w/ the guy leaning out the window and barely controlling himself giving me, of all things, the "thumbs- up" sign. Within 5 minutes (no lie) a late model import slows down as it approaches w/ an attractive 20-30 something year old female who takes the time out of her cell phone call to power down her window, back up traffic, and proceed to explain to me in no uncertain terms of how I needed to "get a life." She then got back to her cell phone call, put the window back up, and proceed for another 20 or so yards before (apparently believing I had not heard or understood her the first time) deciding to repeat the whole sequence again. With my hands frozen to the sign, I smiled, continued rallying and pondered the significance of my 45 years on earth, 18 years of marriage, 2 teenage boys (neither of whom have yet to be convicted of a felony), lawyering, lecturing at University, and a business record better than GW's and said to myself "Who knew?"

And how about these stereotypes!

Fuck it. I'm going to the Orpheum.


Monday, November 1, 2004
trying   I   something   I   new

Dear God, where do I start? Well, it's November in Flagstaff and it's all of 29 degrees at the moment. What, am I living in fucking Wisconsin all of the sudden? When did I move? I didn't get the memo on that one.

That's me: Always out of the loop.

  From: Tall Paul
Subject: The last four years in song
Watch this first, then go vote...
film strip international

One day before what could arguably be the biggest and baddest election of my lifetime. And I'm straight fucking sober.

Fuck me in the ass.

Go out and vote tomorrow. Because it's really fucking important.

More about frozen asses from Snopes. Frozen asses like that story from Jay Leno I posted yesterday. Even if it is a line of crap, it's a good line. And, who wouldn't want to piss all over a girl on the first date?

Um, maybe forget that last part.

Take a look at these pics from the Mount Snow, Vermont, world famous naked nighttime crit.

  From: Big Tex
Subject: Foothills CX Series Race #2
Race #2
The clouds were out again with snow threatening but no snow and only a little mud for the cyclocrossers racing the Foothills TIAA-CREF Series Race #2. The usual suspects showed up again including the VoodooCycles/Drunkcyclist CX team but excluding any member of the TIAA-CREF team. That's weird to sponsor a race and not show up. Gloucester CX maybe? No worries, the field was stacked including Series leader and Voodoo rider Big Tex, Snake, Legs Lehman along with Trek's Travis Brown and Pro Peloton's John Baker. There were 25 starters but only 18 finishers--_I think there was some barrier slamming going on. The course was fast and furious with dry conditions and 4 barriers---1 double, a single on a hill, a natural barrier on a hill that was ridable. Big Tex could jump the double but decided against it during the race. Snake was determined not run into any barriers at this race. His short-term memory has allowed him to run full speed into solid wooden barriers every race thus far. He also started training this week.

As the gun sounded, Baker led the first lap to show us what he had learned on his trip back east. He even jumped the single barrier on the hill gapping all of us in the process. I applaud him for this. It was a gutsy move. The first lap was strung out as usual and I was sitting a cautious third. Snake settled in a top ten position. Legs and his bike found a barrier and the ground on lap one and decided to play catch up for the rest of the race.

Soon three were off the front--- Baker, Brown and Big Tex---with some tactics coming into play. Big Tex led the single track this time with Baker retaking the lead after jumping the single barrier. Everyone came back together. Next lap, Baker had some chain problems. Brown and Big Tex took a 10 second lead. The next lap, Brown bobbled on the natural barrier causing Big Tex to have to run the hill. Brown got a considerable gap but in a great show of sportsmanship, he slowed down and waited since it was his bobble that caused the gap. That's racing but it was a nice gesture. In the process, Baker rejoined the group.

Meanwhile, Snake is knocking on the door of a podium finish but stops to taste the lake side mud. The taste was not of his liking and he remounted his Voodoo Wazoo to get back into the race. Legs now had moved into the top 15 and was eagerly chasing a group of 4.

Big Tex led the next lap and check sequence of pictures of the yard sale that Baker put on. His clincher/tubular tire decided to roll off right at the single barrier. Brown joined Big Tex with Baker only 10 seconds back. It looked to be a repeat of last week with a sprint finish. Only 4 laps to go. Then Brown's clincher/tubular tire pinch-flatted on ???. I'm not sure about those tires but I was stoked on my ability to carve the single track on my Michelin Muds. Carve? Yes, these tires are supple at 55lbs of pressure and can corner like a carpenter's square.

Brown rode to the pit and rejoined the race to finish 4th. Now, 3 laps to go and 10 seconds separates the top 2. Big Tex went on to win by over a minute. Snake took 7th but looking at the "Walking Snake" photo. What's up with that---walking a barrier section? Legs Lehman finished a strong 11th after the 1st lap crash.

Here's the official results--
americancycling.org/results
All in all everyone is starting to get their legs and November looks good with several double weekends. Next weekend back to Boulder.
PS.---Half Wheel Mike flew out to Massachusetts for a little Gloucester CX action. I'll have to get a report from him.

Ladies and Gentlemen: Big Tex is a very bad man.

Here are the pics

Yeah baby. I like the wreck sequence. Sweet.


Sunday, October 31, 2004
peppermint   I   rita   I   lesbians rule

A quick little update before I shuffle off to bed. In late from Tucson. Big fun weekend in the sunshine.

Man, they got it good down there.

Country before party.

I decided against the Soul Ride yesterday. When I put in two hours on the road bike Saturday after a good six week break, well, my legs told the tale. There was no way in hell I was going to finish a 60 mile mountain bike race.

If this is the bottom, I guess I know which was up is. Aside from that, I am one out of shape bastard.

And, the Halloween throw down Saturday night pretty much sealed the deal. The chances of an early wakeup and drive to Oracle, about an hour drive, were diminished exponentially with every one of the many Budweisers I put down.

I can't wait to find out how it went.

I've got a couple of funny emails that ought to help take the edge off my ability to think of anything funny to say. Thank God for that, eh?

  From: C
Subject: True Story
We have all had bad dates...but this takes the cake. This just tells you how tough it is to be single nowadays.
This was on the "Tonight Show" with Jay Leno. Jay went into the audience to find the most embarrassing first date that a woman ever had. The winner described her worst first date experience. There is absolutely no question as to why her tale took the prize!
Marilyn said it was midwinter... snowing and quite cold...and the guy had taken her skiing to Lake Arrowhead. It was a day trip (no overnight). No, not Marilyn. They were strangers, after all, and truly had never met before. The outing was fun but relatively uneventful until they were headed home late that afternoon. They were driving back down the mountain, when she gradually began to realize that she should not have had that extra latte. They were about an hour away from anywhere with a rest room and in the middle of nowhere! Her companion suggested she try to hold it, which she did for awhile.
Unfortunately, because of the heavy snow and slow going, there came a point where she told him that he had better stop and let her pee beside the road, or it would be the front seat of his car. They stopped and she quickly crawled out beside the car, yanked her pants down and started. Unfortunately, in the deep snow she didn't have good footing, so she let her butt rest against the rear fender to steady herself.
Her companion stood on the side of the car watching for traffic and indeed was a real gentleman and refrained from peeking. All she could think about was the relief she felt despite the rather embarrassing nature of the situation.

Upon finishing however, she soon became aware of another sensation. As she bent to pull up her pants, the young lady discovered her buttocks were firmly glued against the car's fender. Thoughts of tongues frozen to pump handles immediately came to mind as she attempted to disengage her flesh from the icy metal. It was quickly apparent that she had a brand new problem due to the extreme cold.
Horrified by her plight and yet aware of the humor she answered her date's concerns about "what was taking so long" with a reply that indeed, she was "freezing her butt off and needed some assistance"!
He came around the car as she tried to cover herself with her sweater and then, as she looked imploringly into his eyes, he burst out laughing. She too, got the giggles and when they finally managed to compose themselves, they assessed her dilemma. Obviously, as hysterical as the situation was, they also were faced with a real problem.
Both agreed it would take something hot to free her chilly cheeks from the grip of the icy metal! Thinking about what had gotten her into the predicament in the first place, both quickly realized that there was only one way to get her free. So, as she looked the other way, her first time date proceeded to unzip his pants and pee her butt off the fender.

As for the Tonight Show... she took the prize hands down... or perhaps that should be "pants down." And you thought your first date was embarrassing.
Jay Leno's comment - - - -

"This gives a whole new meaning to being "pissed off".

Have you ever noticed when a story is either titled "True Story", or starts out with the link, "This is a true story…" you can pretty much count on it being bullshit?

Why is that?

I have no idea if the above-mentioned story is true or not. I've checked out the truth or fiction webpage and came up empty handed.

Oh well, maybe it is true after all?

  From: Sessa
Subject: attractive nuisance
Hey, man. Just got back in town yesterday and heard of your blow to the head. Had stopped off at the old house to see Fitty and Big Pun and check on the mail. Don't remember how it came up in conversation, but Fitty gave me a quick run down. Needless to say, I had to run to the shop and make sure that my wheels really were okay.

As I aver that I value your personal safety and well being, let me give you hearty praise for not dropping my carbon wheel or precious life-giving beer. Still have not paid for those wheels, so it would suck to have them pranged in a drinking accident.

Big kudos to Ribsteak for getting the gear and making the 'house call' to put you back together.

Anyway, maybe it is time for me to relocate my extra gear to the basement where it may not be as likely to attract attention. I would have a guilty conscience if you had been concussed and unable to provide us with our outlet for bikes, porn, political diatribe and bicycle/alcohol related accidents. Speaking of which...

I missed out on your shop accident as I was out of town for a friend's wedding back in sunny Gainesville, FL. I mention the sunny part as I was wearing short pants and working on my tan, only to come back here and shovel snow. Wahhh, my pussy is cold! Anyway, we had a championship bachelor party/beer ride/pub crawl and I only hit the ground once (or twice?). The groom had a good time, somehow making it home without crash or arrest, only to pass out in his back yard, attempting a Jimi Hendrix. Luckily, his fiance woke up upon hearing him come through the back gate and went looking for him when he did not make it to bed. He was rescued from the pool of vomit and was surprisingly sober for the bbq/rehearsal dinner the next day. A good time had by all.

So can you incorporate your staples into a halloween costume? They are almost low enough to suggest a frontal lobotomy. I'm thinking 'escaped asylum patient.'

You wheel has never been better. I took one for the team that night. Even as a got clobbered, I had the sense of mind to make sure that carbon beauty was securely placed upon the hook before I let go of it and tended to by bleeding, well, gash I think they call it.

And, hey, it's been a week since the infamous stapling. I get to pull these fuckers out tonight.

I can't wait to find out exactly what "attempting a Jimi Hendrix" is. Light a guitar on fire and smash it? Choke on your own vomit? A combination of both?


 
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