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doreo hosting

 
Wednesday, June 30, 2004
chrissie collins   I   victoria zdrok   I   amy miller

I'd call this good news out of Washington for a change.

Frog?

"Inspired by the early handover of sovereignty in Iraq, President George W. Bush employed the element of surprise once more last night, holding the U.S. presidential election four months early."

  From: Jeremy
Subject: F/911
Jonny,
Went and saw F/ 911. Not a bad film but I think it is always healthy to read both sides of the story. Check this article out.
slate.msn.com/id/2102723

More of the same over at the times today. Well, there you have it. The other side.

Sorta.

  From: Bradley
Subject: music to bash bush by
Earlier this month, I debuted a new parody, entitled "Gee Dubbya Gotta Go!" at a Philly Folkie fundraising concert for Kerry, sung to the tune of Cab Calloway's "Minnie The Moocher." It was received with such huge enthusiasm, I figure it could make a good rallying cry. So, I'm recording it as a single next week, for widespread, FREE distribution. Here's a link to the lyrics page, and where the free download will be available as of 7/9.
jujubee.com/geedubbya.htm

Also, you may let folks know I will happily perform this song for Kerry events, free of charge.

Jujubee.com/Litwin - bio, etc.
Jujubee.com/Samples.htm - CD track samples

Sex pros get ready for party.

Why is it I always just about get killed by some doochebag on the same stretch of road every day on my way to work? I almost got run the fuck over by a god damn dump truck the other day. On my ride to work I have one stretch of road that just fucking sucks to ride on. The pavement isn't the problem, it's the people. I call it running the gauntlet.

It's the part by the Home Depot. Maybe folks who shop there don't like cyclists? I dunno, but they always almost smash me into little pieces. Or one big pancake. Take your pick.

  From: NrthFace7
Subject: a quick thing to make you mad....
wjz.com/localstories/local_story_181162707.html

Yep. It worked. I'm mad.

  From: Bikescag
Subject: Hot Chick
Yo Jonny
It's the 'Scag o' Bike, comin at ya with more props on hot chicks

From June 22, 04, Amy Miller makes me damn proud to say I'm from PA originally. Holy mother of hell, if that state keeps producing fine gash and guns like that, I'll have to say goodbye to the Sunshine State and move back there.

On another note, regarding the situation with David Millar, how many cretins out there actually think that the peloton is clean? The way I look at it, it's an even playing field. Everyone uses illegal substances, it just again comes down to those who train harder. I don't think it's who has the latest drugs. Hey, if Lance is out in snow, rain, shit falling from the sky, Cheryl Crow sitting on his face, etc, and trains his ass off and David Millar is spending every New Years Eve in a different country, then I would expect Lance to be able to complete a 3 week tour in the yellow jersey and Millar to only be able to put it together for the occasional time trial.

"We don't want to pollute the Tour" Says Leblanc. Sorry dude, it already smells like yesterday's garbage to me

It's enough to make ya cry, ain't it?

One more and I'm out.

  From: Mark
Subject: Tim @ Switchback ( we all need to step up )
Local Cyclist and Bike Shop Owner Diagnosed with Testicular Cancer
Donate to the Get Well Tim Fund

While it may be easy to crack jokes about his likeness to Lance, Tim Panttaja, who along with his wife Sherry, owns Switchback Cyclery in Orange, has found himself in a situation that is no laughing matter. On May 29th the Switchback family was devastated with terrible news that Tim had Testicular Cancer. A few days later he underwent emergency surgery, and since then has received wonderful results that he appears to be cancer-free. However, he and his family still have a long, uphill road ahead of them as they face the strain his radiation treatment will put on them, as well as the shop. Although Switchback Cyclery has flourished in the six years it has been open, we're all aware of the extra effort it takes to keep a small, family owned business afloat. To make matters worse, they were shocked to learn that their health insurance will not cover any of Tim's treatment, leaving them in an extremely difficult financial situation. Tim and Sherry are an inseparable team who give 110% every single day to cater to the entire cycling community. Whether it's working until ten o' clock at night to finish building a mountain biker's new dream ride, spending countless hours fine-tuning customers' race bikes, or playing with the kids who ride out on their first two-wheelers, Tim devotes his life to creating a shop that embodies both professionalism and performance in an atmosphere that is super friendly and fun. Give back to the people who have given so much to the cycling community by donating money to the Get Well Tim Fund. Doing so will not only show your support for a great family, but for keeping the local cycling community thriving and well.

Checks or Money Orders should be made out to Tim Panttaja and mailed to:

Switchback Cyclery
3436 E. Chapman Ave.
Orange, Ca 92869

If you wish to donate by credit card or through a PayPal account on the Internet go to: paypal.com, click on Send Money, and send to the email address Get_Well_Tim_Fund@hotmail.com If you have any questions email Get_Well_Tim_Fund@hotmail.com
Thank all


Tuesday, June 29, 2004
jessica drake   I   purple panty teen   I   sophie moon

Read this.

And, damn homey, who isn't hot for teacher?

  From: Dave
Subject: Evil Doer
JuanFuckingGrande: My Evil Doer t-shirt was delivered today and I am stoked! I can't wait to see F/911, I am sure some cages are going to get rattled. Regarding RAAM, I saw Wolfgang Fasching in Camp Verde the other day. Wolfgang rode into the checkpoint at the local gas/convenience/mcdonalds/subway/condoms/radar detector store. I was wondering if he knew he had a nut-buster climb ahead on Hwy. 260 all the way up to Pine. His support was all dudes, I thought that was a shitty plan. I would like to see some hot pussy as I rolled into a checkpoint but that's just me, zee germans may be different. Maybe have a couple of porn stars for support, you know a blowjob and a power-nap could be a good strategy.

Yeah, a blow job followed by a power nap that lasted 20 hours. It'd be fun though.

Get your own Evil Doer shirt over at circle street.

  From: Paul
Subject: same team
Big Jonny,
I'm new to your site - but used to race in AZ back in the day. Keep up the good work.

Along the "same team" comment you made earlier - consider this incident from the local industrial park crit a few weeks ago. I'd probably just exaggerate, so here's the email straight from the promoter:

(snip)
This e-mail is to inform you all about the incident in the Masters 45/55 field at our race. Our hope is that after this letter you will have an understanding of how we are handling this unfortunate situation.

We want to send our well wishes to the injured riders. We hope to see you on the road as soon as possible. For those that do not know, before and during the first race of the day there was a jogger on our course. The jogger was politely requested many times by riders, marshals and the race officials to leave the road and jog on the sidewalk. We also informed him that we had the requisite event permits to hold our event. He only replied with obscene gestures and words. After a discussion between the race officials and the Masters 45/55 field, the race started with the riders careful to point out the jogger to each other on the course as they approached. This continued for about 20 minutes.

On the back straight, the pack was approaching the jogger when, by witness accounts, the jogger suddenly changed direction to run towards the approaching pack, resulting in a collision between himself and three riders in the pack. The three riders brought down were injured in addition to the jogger. The riders are Bob P. of Alto Velo, Larry U. of Real Bicycles and Lloyd R. of Mako Galaxy. The injuries sustained range from cuts and bruises to an injury requiring surgery. There was also considerable damage to one or more bicycles.

There are two aspects to the jogger situation; criminal and civil. Criminally, the current situation is that the police have finished their investigation and have turned over their report to the District Attorney's office of Alameda County, Fremont Court. The police have treated this matter as a citizen's arrest. The jogger may be charged with misdemeanor battery. We have been in contact with the District Attorney's office. It is up to the District Attorney to decide to go forth with the case. Currently the police report is being processed. We will update you as soon as this is completed.

To best assist the District Attorney's office to make this decision, we have been collecting statements, contact information and photos. If you witnessed the jogger's behavior and have not yet provided a statement to the police, or have any pictures of the incident that might be helpful please e-mail to the race promoter. Your statement will be forwarded to the District Attorney's office.

On the civil side of the issue, we are in the process of notifying the insurance providers. The primary insurer is required by, and provided through, the United States Cycling Federation. We are working to put together an information package for our carriers.

Our overall objective is to set an example of what to do in this type of unfortunate situation. We hope this negative situation will not deter other clubs, teams, and promoters from hosting cycling events. If you have any questions please feel free to e-mail us with your query.

Thank you for your time and support,
(/snip)

Nice huh? It's not like it was a downtown crit with lots of people and traffic - just an out-of-the-way industrial park. Geeez.

That is completely insane. Here is the freemont freewheelers webpage. Lets keep it safe out there, people.


Monday, June 28, 2004
trinity   I   erica campbell   I   nikki nevada   I   raam

Monday morning and my allergies are kicking my ass. I'm up against the ropes on this one. I made it through the morning on a tremendous amount of coffee, and I cracked at lunch. A quick search of the medicine cabinet offered up Claritin.

A Godsend at this point.

Funny thing about drugs like Claritin, at least for me. When I take them, I feel different. Not necessarily better. Or normal. Just different than I did before.

So now my head feels like a God damn basketball.

Oh, for fucks sake.

  From: the captain
Subject: chill the fuck out, big boy
You know those stupid ass fucking bumper stickers you see on the back of retard activist cars, the ones owned by people that figure their bumper stickers could really convince folks to change, think, or do something before it's too late? You know, grow a bush, eat weeds, abort the hell outa some babies, vote phish, that fucking hand with a missing digit, well Jonwad, i think the one that has really gotten into YOUR head is the one that says "If you're not angry- YOU'RE NOT PAYING ATTENTION!" Ooooooh, score one for the hissy fitters. They really made me think with that one. (about how to blow up their fucking worn out tennis shoe of a volvo so I can get my bike through the goddam intersection)

Fucking shut up goddammit. you dude. You go from talking about your mob and how many forties you can tape to your arms while pretending to be white trash and climbing Snowbowl, to being "Mister Concerno of the Community" with coupons for shitty political pizza to jam up everyone's doorknob . It's really annoying when I'm trying to get a look at some ass right before work and I have to weed through all your end of the world drama. Can a cracka get a table dance?

Stop paying attention, homey. There is too much ass out there to worry about bush. You got the high bandwidth, every fucking body knows where you stand. I know, I know, I know. Vote Democrat, KRAAW, Vote Democrat, KRAAW.

I'm voting democrat. I'm pretty sure everyone else reading your site is too. Your political food fight of a web site would otherwise have sent republican givashitter cyclists running to Velonews.com to see what Mr. Fukkyfuk has to say about how dummy dum singlespeeds are. My pedals are so light.

So to summy up, Chibby los Cervezas, Shred the killer shnigs (really FEELING it), and rough up the suspect. No MAS, until november, then vote. also, could you shut up some.

Thank you, love the captain.

God damn I love that guy. Fuckin cracker.

This is a pretty interesting read: Frankie Andreu's Tour diary from back in 1998.

Drugs. Cycling.

Cycling. Drugs.

I've been checking out the articles and message boards out there on the net. And people are still actually saying, "You want to know what Lance is on? He's on his bike, six hours a day."

Uh huh. And so are thirty odd domestic amateur and professional cyclists down in Tucson. And San Diego. And Boulder. And Durango.

Armstrong ain't the only guy riding 30+ hour weeks. Let me assure you of that.

Ah, who cares. Without the dope, the same guys would win. They'd all just be going 5 miles per hour slower.

Whatever. I'm going to bed to dream about how light my pedals aren't.

Oh yeah, the fire picture from yesterday now works. Enjoy.


Sunday, June 27, 2004
aria giovanni   I   cutie   I   lesbians rule   I   raam

I got my geared mountain bike running again this week. It's been hanging in the corner since the Whiskey 50 back in the beginning of May with a flat tire and other issues. Just sitting there. Broken bottle cage, derailleurs all bitched up. Shit.

I let that bike just fucking sit there and stew for weeks. This was the week. I attended all the issues in about a half hour of uninterrupted labor. So hard. So in right now.

And she rides like a dream. A wet dream.

Sure the frame is too small. Sure the fork is a piece of shit. Sure it's 8 speed. Oh, only 8 gears on that cassette? How can you even ride that thing?

Easy. Just don't shift.

Whatever.

Oh, and steel is real. Straight up.

  From: MtnBiker
Subject: FLAMIN BERRIES AT THE BARN
HEY JONNY ,,WE MADE SOME FLAMING STRAWBERRYS FOR DESSERT ON OUR THURSDAY NIGHT RIDE ,,AT 1ST I TRIED USING WHAT THE RECIPE CALLED FOR ,,APRICOT BRANDY ,,THE FLAMES WERN'T GOOD ENOUGH,,THEN I GOT OUT THE FRIGGIN GRAIN ,,I ALMOST BURNED THE PLACE DOWN ,,LUCKILY WE PUT OUT THE FIRE WITH BUCKETS OF WATER ,,,NEEDLESS TO SAY THE POSTER BEHIND THE STOVE IS HISTORY

He even send a picture of that little exploit.

Rockin.

Anyone want to buy a cannon? Just wait for September 14th.

  From: Cruz
Subject: F 9-11
I saw it Friday night and it was incredible. It did a simplistic but effective job of explaining the connections between the Bush family, the Saudis, the Bin Laden family, the Taliban and the oil and natural gas business that brings them all together in a very friendly, cozy relationship.

And it makes the point that, although the Bush administration may talk tough about getting al Queda and Saddam, it hardly mentions Bin Laden. Because, after all, you wouldn't want to murder the son of one of your biggest and best investment partners from Saudi Arabia (even though he's murdered thousands of American civilians and military personnel over the past so many years). I teared up over the story of the woman who's son was in Iraq with the military, and during the interviews with the GI's who've returned from combat and are being treated for their injuries (some horrific) at Walter Reed Medical Center. But it absolutely broke my heart to see the Iraqui children and the gruesome injuries the suffered under American bombs. This movie hasn't changed my mind about this administration, and about the prevailing philosophy our government operates under. It has only strengthened my opinion and my resolve to create a change - if possible - in this American society that values material wealth above all else, including decency, morality, ethics, and especially love for fellow man. Urge as many people as you know, especially those who might disagree with the tone or point of this film, AND ESPECIALLY THOSE WITH CHILDREN to see it. IT IS THAT IMPORTANT!

Well said. And, of course, around here we're preaching to the choir.

  From: Chris
Subject: security
Big Jonny,
Do you need a security detail to guard your next road ride. Need some bad dudes to block the rednecks and jocks from running you off the road on your next ride? Well now all the protection you will ever need is right here zebramoth.com/index2.htm

That shit is too fucking funny. Damn.

And John Kerry supports terrorists.

David Millar fan boards are all lit up. Some good posts in there, and some god damn awful ones. Go figure. Kinda hard to have your hero let you down for some people. A brother like me assumes all my heroes do drugs. Ulrich, Hemingway, O'Grady.

I'll see 'em all in hell I suppose.

I suppose I may know a little more than the average Joe. I'm no great racer. I've never worked for a huge team. But, I've worked for a couple of teams, and I've had a couple of beers with a couple of different current and former pros over the years. I've heard stories. About what people have done, what others on the team would do. That sort of thing.

People in and around cycling hear about this shit. It's nothing new. If I've heard it, a whole lot more people have as well. I'm not holding any big fucking secrets here: A lot of cyclists do drugs.

And, in my opinion, the governing bodies in cycling, be it here in the States or across the pond, aren't looking very hard. Sure they test a few folks here and there. The people on the national squad get hit up all the time. But, at the races, where it would really count, you won't see much in the way of testing. I know guys that have raced for years and never been tested. I just don't think they want to find any "drug cheats".

And I can't really blame them for that. I want cycling to continue as a sport. Look at the way drug use scares the living shit outta people. They just can't fathom it. Same with sponsors. No one wants to be the next Festina, Kelme, or whomever else gets embarrassed by association with the wrong group of riders at the wrong time. Remember when Mapei pulled the plug on one of the best teams in the peleton after Grazelli tested positive?


Saturday, June 26, 2004
veronica zemanova   I   crystal klein   I   anna nova   I   raam

Sitting on the toilet,
wiping my ass with squares of rough paper.
What has Snake gotten me into?
Leadville?
He is laughing somewhere,
thinking of the thousand ways I'll die on some God forsaken hillside.
But I'll show him.
The pain cave is my domain.

I caught Fahrenheit 9/11 yesterday. It almost goes without saying I thought it was great. And, it also almost goes without saying, I think everyone should watch this film.

Looks like its doing pretty well in the theaters this weekend.

I read this over at slate by Christopher Hitchens about the new Michael Moore film, and came away so pissed off I can't even see straight. If I had either the time of the energy, I would take that article apart piece by piece. But, alas, I have an abundance of neither and I will settle on simmering quietly in anger.

Or not.

I'll just let this guy do it. Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you Chris Parry. He's done a far better job of it than I ever could. Ok, I'd give it a go, but I'm tired, rich and lazy. Fucking liberals. Go figure.

Then I read this by Roger Ebert. And I can sleep well tonight.

My nation will survive.

And, fuck citizens united.

In case you feel like reading the "definitive account of Bill Clinton's greatest failure as president, detailing how his poor judgment, negligence, indecisiveness, and denigration of U.S. intelligence services and the military left America open to the terrorist attacks of 9/11." Well, lucky you lucky ducky, they got it up on Ignorant Citizens United. One stop shopping for douchebags.

Have you seen the videos with Fred Thompson saying shit like, man, isn't it great we have a President with the strength of character to stand up to a homicidal maniac with nuclear weapons?

Yeah Fred, it's fucking balls out great. Too bad it didn't quite happen that way, eh fuck face?

You can also listen to Fred pontificate about the honorable sacrifice of the soldier. Fred, seriously, buck these nuts. None of us have any fucking problem with our men and women in uniform. We are not calling these poor boys and girls "baby killers". We are not the same protesters you saw in Vietnam, old man.

We are a bunch of angry mother fuckers who don't like being lied to by bastards like Bush, Cheney and Rumsfeld. And you too, Fred. You too.

You can lie to yourself. But don't you fucking lie to me.

God damn I'm pissed the fuck off tonight. You'd think a four hour ride with four good friends and a big ass plate of ribs out at the Horseman's Lodge would work to quell the savage beast.

Yeah right.

I got a full tank of fuel. And I'm ready to kick some ass.


Friday, June 25, 2004
helena hemanova   I   barbie griffin   I   nikki nova   I   raam

Thank God it's Friday. How many weeks do I end with that sentiment? Probably about all of them, eh?

Eh? What, am I Canadian?

  From: Otto
Subject: Jenna Jameson
Jonny,
I am a big fan of your site. I dig the cycling, I used to race my self before a wreck. Plus, I am a liberal vegan, so you know that I'm down with the politics. But there is one thing that has bothered me about your postings for a while now...Jenna Jameson IS NOT HOT!!! She just ain't. I know you made her the DC mascot or whatever, but come on, man....she's just nasty. How about Aria Giovanni, she's hot. What about Ashley Robbins? Or maybe Veronica Zemanova, sure it's hard to spell, but damn. ...Anyways, I'm just saying, Jenna...not hot.

I, er, ah… Yeah. Sorry?

I'd tap Jenna in a hot minute. But, to each his own.

And I just love calling out the Catholic Church. Oh yes I do. Getting sued by all the men who were raped as young boys by pedifile priests you did nothing to stop or bring to justice? Tried for years to sweep it under the rug, and it came back to bite you on the ass?

Need to figure out how to protect your assets, so to speak?

"Tucson Catholics now know the details of the potential bankruptcy filing being considered by the Diocese of Tucson. Bishop Gerald Kicanas sent a letter to all churches describing how the diocese will deal with all the lawsuits stemming from the priest sexual abuse scandal." Yeah. Go Tuscon.

I hope you bastards all burn in hell.

  From: Chris
Subject: Lesbians
Ok,
Now you tell me how it is possible that lesbians have higher rates of smoking, obesity and alcohol use. I mean, what man wants to go down on a fat, drunk, chain smoking woman.
I mean, I've gone hoggin before, but I draw the line there and keep it on the DL, and I don't take them home, and usually don't call them again.
(ok I never call them back).

Life just isn't fair, is it?

  From: Jake
Subject: Hey Big Jonny!
I've been meaning to write ever since I got the super mega pack of DC swag in the mail -- thanks for the coozies and stickers. The Jersey fits fine. It isn't winning me any races, but it is gaining me friends.
Yay!

I built a website for a group of friends trying to overthrow the government. Well, at least the part of it that lives at the White House. Do me a favor and check out action4election.org. We could use some linking. Basically, we're a grassroots organization offering ideas about little things people can do to make sure that Bush doesn't get reelected.

A good looking site. And, you too can own your very own drunkcyclist.com crapola. Order some shit today.

I am one hell of a salesmen, ain't I?

And it don't stop.

  From: Mr. Completely
Subject: Why no one believes me about anything…
fuck
one a my employees at work either
a. dosed my coffee with crank
b. puts crank in his coffee and i grabbed his (poorly) washed cup and drank from it.
2:02 in the morning and im WIDE AWAKE, after 14 beers and a many few bt's
Didn't dose me hard enough that porn's no good
welcome to flavor country

And how is flavor country? I hear it's nice this time of year.

This sounds like fun, eh?

  From: Matty D
Subject: Argh
Who the hell is Dave and why does he get all the redheads?

PS, right on about Nadar. Nothing against him and his politics except HE'S THE REASON WE'VE GOT ASSHOLE SHRUB IN THE WHITE HOUSE INSTEAD OF...instead of...??...who was that I voted for?...oh yeah...INSTEAD OF DAN QUAYLE!!!!
Uh, I mean Al Gore, dammit.

People, listen to Ron Reagan. Son of a republican president, he said on Larry King he's voting to remove the current President. That's what it's all about. That means don't vote for someone without a chance of winning.
Yes, that's party politics, and it diverts attention from the issues, but screw that. The only issue that really matters is electing someone with some intelligence, sound judgment, and the ability to think independently.

Dave is the man with the plan. And he happens to get all weak in the knees over redheads. So, being the friend that I am, I keep sending them his way.

Kinda like Christmas every day of the year.

My man Dick Cheney drops the f-bomb.

Good work, you fat fuck.


Thursday, June 24, 2004
jennifer corbin (redhead)   I   jenna jameson   I   lesbians rule   I   raam

News Flash: David Millar admits to using EPO.

Holy shit.

Talk about a bomb dropping. This ought so shake things up a little bit. Damn.

I shouldn't say I'm surprised about this "revelation". I'm under the suspicion many, if not all, of my hero's are using drugs in sport.

How's this for a bunch of bullshit? "The Bush administration won't have to reveal secret details of Vice President Dick Cheney's energy task force before the election… the Supreme Court ruled Thursday"

You gotta be fucking kidding me.

And, "Scalia defiantly refused to recuse himself from the case, rejecting arguments by critics who said his impartiality was brought into question because of a hunting vacation that he took with Cheney while the court was considering the vice president's appeal."

It just doesn't get any better than that, does it?

Read it all here.

  From: Bruce
Subject: Nader
Imagine Nader gets 7%, and then, at the last minute asks them all to vote for Kerry...
Interesting move, that open letter to Kerry, re: John Edwards.

Interesting concept, but I don't see it happening. Well, maybe. Could happen.

Fuck, I'll take any angle to beat these pricks. Have you see what we're up against? Have you read this shit?

Read about Nader pushing for Kerry to pick Edwards as a running mate here.

How does "blanket exemption" sound for US Troops? Exemption from what? How about from prosecution for war crimes for starters. I'll tell you what it sounds like to me, it sounds like one more reason to vote Democrat.

Oh, the news just fucking sucks today, don't it? What is it, less than a week to the "hand over of sovereignty"? And there are still bombs going off in Iraq. Great. This is going to be just great.

Like a train wreck.

And, empty trucks being driven around Iraq on my fucking dime? Say it ain't so.

And, if you feel like reviewing what really happened when Carter and Reagan were Presidents in regards to terrorism and the US response. That is, if you're interested in what actually happened and not what the doochebags on Fox news yell about like a bunch of snot nosed children.

Try this test and see how you do deciding if an item is a dog toy or a marital aid. I got one wrong in the warm up round and two incorrect in the difficult round.

I'm the man around the office on the one. Word up.

Anyone gets them all right, and I will officially be scared. I look to Heff to write in with the high score. Homeboy knows his "hitty sticks".

And don't miss the home run game. The best I could do after five tries is getting that drunk bastard 41 meters.

The best part is the redneck yelling shit like, "C'mon baby, get over here!"

And Tom Bihn labels kicks ass.

  From: Don W.
Subject: Walker frame wins!!
Big Jonny,
I had a rider win the Tour de Louisiane criterium the past Sunday on one of my creations. here's the pic.
pbase.com/image/30435447

I'd say he won that one by a country mile.

Don Walker Cycles. Check it out.

Ah shit. Read this.

  From: Brad
Subject: General rant
Hey Big J....
From an outsiders perspective, it's always interesting to hear your rants about Bush and co - makes me wish I was American so I could vote against the clod. Politics aside, check out the latest post from John Lieswyn on Cyclingnews (cyclingnews.com.au/riders/2004/diaries/john/?id=john0419)- that guy is all class, a team player to the bone. Contrast to that embarrassing dickhead French and his pincushion ways (cyclingnews.com/news.php?id=news/2004/jun04/jun09news2) Horse hormones! What next???!!!), along with all the other chemical dustbins out there (don't even get me started on Virenque). On the subject of supplements and so forth, check out the abstract below from a paper published a couple of years ago:

J Clin Gastroenterol. 2002 Oct;35(4):299-306.
Nutrition and sports supplements: fact or fiction.

Lawrence ME, Kirby DF.

Department of Medicine, Psychiatry, Biochemistry, and Molecular Physics, Medical college of Virginia Hospitals and Physicians of the Virginia Commonwealth University Care System, Richmond, Virginia 23298-0711, USA.

BACKGROUND: In an age of highly competitive sports, whether it be the high school student, the weekend warrior, or the professional athlete, more individuals are using "performance-enhancing" nutritional supplements. Many feel they are gaining a "competitive edge," without thinking of the potential consequences. Consumers are inundated with claims of strength, weight loss, and improved body definition, but they are rarely given information on the potentially harmful side effects. There are few large, multicenter, randomized trials of these various nutritional supplements that look at the purported claims and potential side effects. STUDY: We reviewed the available studies, including case reports, and researched data on five of the most popular performance-enhancing supplements, including androstenedione, creatine, chromium, ephedra, and protein and amino acid supplements. CONCLUSIONS: Of the reviewed supplements, only creatine may be marginally beneficial.
The potential benefit would probably only be useful to the professional athlete and not the average person. All of the supplements reviewed have potentially harmful side effects; however, certain supplements clearly show harmful effects, and use should strongly be cautioned. In addition, ephedra should be withdrawn from the marketplace. At this time, without better-designed studies, these agents cannot be recommended.

Interesting huh? There's plenty of other papers out there discussing the so-called benefits of dietary supplements (go to ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/entrez/query.fcgi?db=PubMed to search the life sciences literature if you're interested). The whole supplement industry is built on misinformation and pseudo-science as a fast route to the wallets of these suckers.....Cheers.


Wednesday, June 23, 2004
silvie thomas   I   nikki nova   I   another redhead for dave   I   raam

No surprise here, I mention Nader and the email starts flowing. This is by far the best of the rest. Check it.

  From: Fantsy
Subject: ef Nader
I don't think you comprehend what Nader is SAYING.

B: Can we move on to taxes? Reagan cut the top tax rate from 70 percent to 28 percent in terms of personal income taxes. Clinton raised it to 39.6. Bush has cut it back to 35 percent. What do you think is the maximum income-tax rate that should be imposed on wage earners?

RN: Zero under $100,000.

That's a powerful idea. Let it sink in.

Everyone, and I mean EVERYONE, in this country, who pays income tax, and who makes LESS THAN 100K/yr, will NO LONGER HAVE TO PAY THE FUCKING GOVERNMENT INCOME TAX.

Capice?

DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY PEOPLE IN THIS COUNTRY FALL BELOW THE 100K/yr BRACKET?

(caps are for em-phassis)

You spread that message, I don't fucking care whose candidates dick you sucked last time around, you will be sucking Nader's come November.

You want to trump the corporate whores infesting Washington? Get this message out.

What's the median income in this country? $50K at the most? I have no idea, and I ain't googling that shit, I have work to do. What I will say is if it is $50K, and the bell shaped curve is normalized, that's a lot of fucking people who don't make $100K/yr. I'm sure they would all LOVE to not have the government rape them every paycheck.

It's just an idea, I don't know how or if it would go through the Senate and Congress, but if that's his platform, fuck it. I don't think I'll ever make $100K/yr as long as I live. Not paying income tax for the rest of my existence sounds good to me.

Why don't we all rally around someone with real fucking ideas and not some career politician who is a puppet for the corporate skumfucks that rule this world. I honestly don't see shit changing with a Kerry administration.

theyrule.net

I leave you with a beautiful message from the late, great Bill Hicks. I suggest you go out and buy Rant in E Minor, the man was a genius.

"I'll show you politics in America; here it is, right here: I think the puppet on the right shares my beliefs! I think the puppet on the left is more to my liking! Hey wait a minute, there's one guy holding up both puppets! Shut up! Go back to bed America, your government is in control…here's Love Connection; watch this and get fat and stupid! By the way, keep drinking beer, you fucking morons!"
- Bill Hick

I hear what you're saying and what Nader is saying. Don't get me wrong, I like the message. But he cannot win the Presidency. He has absolutely no chance in hell. None. Zip. Zero. Nada.

All he can do is help Bush win.

And none of us need that.

Four more years of Bush is a fucking nightmare, Dude. A fucking nightmare.

Someone should offer Nader a position in government where he can actually accomplish something positive. I don't know, maybe a cabinet post. Give him a job he can really sink his teeth into. Set him after those corporate bastards. It'll keep him busy and we all gain something out of it.

Nader running for President again is the worst possible scenario for a country in desperate need of anybody but Bush.

And all the votes he draws will come directly from the Democratic candidate. That's what happened last time, and that's what will happen this time. Nader won't win, and he'll cripple Kerry.

That ain't a good idea.

I like to joke about Kerry being a doochebag. He is. But, mark my words, things will change with Kerry in the Whitehouse. For example, we won't be starting any more fucking wars. I'm convinced Bush has a fucking hard on for Kim Jung II like he did for Saddam. We do not need to beat up on Korea like we did Afghanistan and Iraq.

I'll just call this the quote of the day: "schools were using the book "The Diary of Anne Frank" as a tool for teaching students that Bush is a modern-day Hitler over a Nazi-like dictatorship in the United States."

No shit.

Read the whole article here. And, speaking of Iraq, we need to find a way to fix that little problem and get the fuck out of Dodge. Do we even have a long term plan anymore? Did we ever have a long term plan?

I'm always stoked to see people working to knock Bush out of the box. Like these folks. And, of course, move on.

Just to make sure I actually say the word at least once during this update I'll say it now. Ahem. Bike.

Thank you.

Fahrenheit 9/11 opens this weekend. Be there.

And, it will be playing here in Flagstaff at the Harkins 11 theater at 1959 South Woodlands Village Boulevard.

I'll be rocking one of my new shirts from Circle Street at the 3:40 show. Check it the shirts, you just may find yourself ordering one. I think you should.

But, I'm a communist.

One more and I'm out.

  From: Andy
Subject: Columbia Cup racing action Sunday, June 27th
Hey Big Johnny,
Heard you calling for more emails the other day, so I thought I send you out one.

This Sunday, June 27th, is the annual Columbia Cup Criterium here in Columbia, MO - it's a mile long loop through the streets of downtown, including some cobblestones and a nice hill to the Power Plant before a downhill finish line. We're looking for 150-200 racers, including a bunch of 1/2/3 racers at 3PM. It's also part of the MOBAR points series, so there'll be quite a few series racers there. I have a race flyer up at apsbiker.com/CCup2004/CCup2004.pdf - money will be paid much deeper than the flyer says, though.

On another note, heard you'll be hangin' it out at Leadville this Summer
- I'll see you there, then.

Leadville it is.


Tuesday, June 22, 2004
amy miller   I   kim   I   nikki nova   I   raam

Tuesday means one thing for the fat man: Get your big ass up the hill to Snow Bowl. I need to channel a little of that Mayo bad ass climber action and a little less of my own brick in the road style.

Yeah, it's working like a charm.

I was the last one up the hill and the last one back down.

I think I need to start riding by myself.

And how come that bastard Gnome gets all the action?

  From: m
Subject: spinning in the ground
you tell me what to think...
cause I have no idea, and would like to just follow orders on this one ....
amconmag.com/2004_06_21/cover.html

Nader. Fucking Nader. The guy makes an impassioned argument, and a lot of what he says makes sense to me. I'll give him that much.

I find myself agreeing with him about most issues. Except one very important one: Running for President.

But, he has nothing to gain, and we have everything to lose, by entering the race again. Again.

He'll split the ticket. Again. He'll draw votes from people who would have otherwise voted Democrat.

At most he'll pull 12 votes from Bush. Twelve.

That's my story, and that's what I'm going with.

  From: Adam
Subject: torture
washingtonpost.com/wp-srv/nation/documents/dojinterrogationmemo20020801.pdf
actually I think its torture to read.

Our government officials should be test dummies and should have carried out on them anything laid out in this memo.

starting with that homophobic puritan bitch, Ashcroft.

It is torture to read. Not only the content as sickening as it is But the whole format of the thing, a fucking scanned in, crocked document with lines crossed out, underlined and generally bitched up. Try and scan you eyes across that trainwreck and come away with anything other than a headache.

This is what our best and brightest came up with? Of course not. Our best and brightest work in the bicycle industry, politics be damned.

Yeah, this story was hot about a week ago. But with a fucked up email avalanche like I've got in my inbox, sometimes you run a little behind the eight ball.

So be it. Check out the green hummer project for a few laughs. Good looking out, fellas.

  From: Bruce E.
Subject: More torture stuff
Compare this, from whitehouse.gov/news/releases/2004/06/20040615-7.html

  "..And we are going to seek to gather intelligence from al Qaeda terrorists who are in our custody, but the President has made it clear that he expects that to be done in a way that is consistent with our laws. He directed our military to treat those detainees humanely and consistent with the Geneva Conventions."

to this lex18.com/Global/story.asp?S=1891343&nav=EQlpNN9R

Now imagine how our some of our soldiers really treat detainees...

Time to ride

yeah, time to ride indeed.

My God, what a fucking mess. I realize when your busy getting your war on and all that things are going to happen. But we're talking about systematic abuse. And, did you catch that memo?

We're supposed to be the shining light on the hill, a beacon of truth, justice and fucking apple pie. We're supposed to be the good guys, not the God damn KGB.

I'll leave you with today's joke:

  They keep talking about drafting a Constitution for Iraq.
Why don't we just give them ours?
It was written by a lot of really smart guys,
it's worked for over 200 years,
and we're not using it anymore.


Monday, June 21, 2004
trisha uptown   I   brittany cage   I   sylvia saint   I   raam

Another day, another dollar. Or something like that anyway. God damn, I just love a Monday.

I especially like the way my schedule says nothing more than "ride to work".

Yep. I've got a schedule. Fat guy is getting serious. Well, kinda. Maybe a little.

And I thought I bitched about hippies?

  From: Mark
Subject: F%#@ING Hippies
From Bicycle Retailer

JUNE 15, 2004 -- LOS ANGELES (BRAIN)--It had been billed as a cycling nude-fest, but it turned out to be fully-clothed bust. This past weekend the World Naked Bike Ride attracted about a dozen riders and a score of cops, including fully clothed and fully armed bicycle cops, a mobile command center and a parked paddy wagon, reported the Los Angeles Times.

The ride, planned to protest global dependence on oil, led by a 47-year-old self-proclaimed nudist, meandered along a bike path toward the Santa Monica Pier trailed by police who had warned the riders they would be jailed if they failed to keep their clothes on. They did.

Official SCSS statement from Ballbreaker himself

OUTSTANDING!! 12 hippies constitute a WORLD event? One more beautiful example of the uselessness of the hippie movement. If the price of gas shoots up to 6 bucks a gallon then dumb f#$%ing hippies won't have to protest because everyone will be riding a bike!! Maybe the oil companies will respond by dropping prices and making it cheaper the warm our homes. The bike industry will grow, creating more low paying jobs at performance. F*&%ing dirty smelly hippies.

Ouch.

If you're like me, they you'll also find this article a little on the "out there" side of things. I mean, what is up with this? "Only just recently has there been a feeling that lesbian health is a legitimate specialty ..." said Dixie Horning, executive director of UCSF's National Center for Excellence in Women's Health.

Lesbian health is a specialty?

Far be it from me to knock lesbians around, but come on now. Sure, studies suggest "lesbians appear to have higher rates of smoking, obesity and alcohol use" than "straight" women. But, I don't see how any of that requires a "specialty". Most of the general poplation drinks, eats and smokes to much. Lesbians can't hold claim to that title.

Does it require special training to tell someone is a drunk lardass who smokes? No. It doesn't. Not anymore than it would take training a monkey to point out the fat drunken male plumber holding a donut in one hand an a cigarette in the other.

No offense meant to the drunken plumber readers of the site.

Before I get too far out on a limb here, as I often do, let me try to make my point. Lesbians are no different than anyone else. They don't have two heads, they don't have blue blood, they don't fucking fly. Same human animal as I am.

You see, I believe in equality. Equal rights, equal pay, and equal treatment. And singling out someone as needing specialized heath care because of his or her sexual orientations seems to me to go against all that aforementioned great stuff.

Ain't I just a dick?

Read this about sluts, who they are and why we need them. Also by Mark Morford, a little ditty 'bout Reagan.

I think this sounds like fun.

  From: Charlie
Subject: CCIII
You are receiving this email because at some point you demonstrated an interest in going downhills fast…

Good morning clunkers

It's the pre race email..

We are still getting away with it… It's the third year of the UK's only downhill offroad race where proper mountainbikes are banned. Racers will slide, crank and slam their way down the 4 mile downhill on anything from shoppers, choppers, postie bikes, beach cruisers, and of course not forgetting the home welded choppers.

It starts at lunchtime, in the Ship Inn, in Porlock Somerset, Saturday 10Th July, concludes in early hours. Camping at the campsite, down the lane opposite the church. Sparkhayes campsite, details below.

Please spread the word, have a rummage in your shed, peer into a few skips and come and have a go at walking away with the world champion crown. I've been outa action, run down by a mental women, just got the cast off, bit of a belly but super keen to win it this year - however I may just race for style.

A report of last year's race can be found at 63xc.com/charh/ccii.htm
Great website, have a nose around.

Don't forget to wear a helmet, not die, bring a picnic for the top of the hill and bring something for the communal prize stash. As usual there will be no marshalls, insurance, liability, medics, marker tape, or race fees. But what we are threatening to have is: some fire breathers, a pub, maybe a BBQ, a big hill, some old/odd bikes, ace weather and…… some CCIII t-shirts. Please feel free to bring your musical instruments, flammable bikes, rocket propelled bikes, dangerous circus act stuff etc.

go to porlock.co.uk for some tourist info and details of Sparkhayes campsite

Er, wait a minute. At some point I, the fat fuck, "demonstrated an interest in going downhills fast" you say?

Well. Ok then.

This was to make the update a couple of days ago, but, silly me, I forgot I even wrote the shit. What else is new, right? I figured I'd be all smart and email it to myself from work. Of course, my inbox is a giant cluster fuck so I never even read it.

Jesus. What a mess. Here goes the three day old shit. Enjoy.

More about the new book on Armstrong over at Velonews from the authors own mouth. I'd recommend reading that one.

I'm kinda looking forward to reading that book someday when they get around to publishing it in English. Sorry, can't read French. I figure, fuck it, why not? I read that "It's not about the bike" crap a couple of years back. Now I can read "It's not about the syringe", or whatever they're calling it.

Don't really what all the fuss is about. It's not going to change the fact that Armstrong is a card carrying badass and won five Tours. And may well win a sixth next month. You think the rest of the top five guys aren't on dope?

What I really want to see is the new Christy Canyon book Lights, Camera, Sex!.

And check out Old School taking the win at elite nationals. Chris Walker is a total wingnut. I love that guy. I feel lucky to have actually met him. He's the real deal.

All the guy does is ride his brains out. And, man can he suffer. I've never seen someone put himself in the pain cave like that. I was out at Redlands one year, working not racing of course, and he'd be so fucking torched after a stage, you'd think, oh, he's done. He'll get dropped tomorrow.

But, no, he'd stay on the next day, and the next day, and the next. He'd just keep digging and finding more.

And then he'd sit down and eat a turkey sandwich, two apples, four carrots and hang upside in the closet for a couple of hours.

Ok, I'm lying about the hanging upside down in the closet part.


Sunday, June 20, 2004
alissa   I   april and bella   I   brittany   I   raam

Check the email after breakfast this morning. Looks like a lot of stuff in that there inbox thingy. Then I realize all 144 that showed up in the last ten hours since I checked the email last night are bullshit. Nothing other than vein laden virus bombs and spam. Not one actual message to me. Out of 144. I think that may be a first.

At least it was easy to work through them. I've still got around 36 from last week when I was bedridden and all fucked up I have to read and reply to. Ah, my life is so difficult. I need a nap.

I wonder what Wells is doing right now…

  From: Ed
Subject: URGENT: Republican Election Judges Needed!
Hey Jonny,
Just for fun, I hopped on the Minnesota Republican email list to see what kind of bigoted, gay bashing, corporate welfare salivating, war mongering, Christianity enforcing, science ignoring stances they were planning on taking in this year's election. While most of it was the typical BS but today's email caught my eye.

Check out this bullshit from the Chairman of the Republican Party in Minnesota. He's basically admitting that the 2000 elections were decided by politically biased election judges rather than by the votes of the people! I've never seen such a blatant admission of election fraud!

"As we saw in 2000, the fair use of election laws by election workers can have a significant impact who leads our nation and state. Passage of the Help America Vote Act (HAVA) has created many new changes in how elections are conducted, making Election Judges even more important to Republican success in 2004. To help ensure fair elections we need you to get involved today and sign up as an Election Judge." -Ron Eibensteiner Chairman, Republican Party of Minnesota

Hello?!?!?!?!? Election workers should NOT have a significant impact on elections. Just like in the NBA, if they are do their job right you won't even realize they're there. Something is dangerously wrong in our democracy when a guy using the address GOPTeamLeader@GOPTeamLeader.com is sending out emails about how to manipulate our next presidential election.

I guess this reinforces the importance of getting involved. For folks who can commit some time to supporting a REAL democracy so it isn't handed over to right wing nutcases, consider getting involved as a local election judge. As we can see from the policies of the right, your job countering the right may help more like minded votes get counted.

Keep the road porn stories coming.
home.zonnet.nl/sexpics/1701/

That is some fucked up scary shit. I mean what else can you say?

Oh, I know: Long live road porn.

I wonder what the gnome is doing right now…

RAAM started today. You can follow the wacky antics here. Just click on the Time Station Results to see which wingnuts are still riding and which ones are sleeping. And you can see all the time stations and all that related info like maps here.

My money is on Wolfgang Faching. Yeah, this guys is serious. Check out his times here.

  From: steevee
Subject: fight the power
dood,
fight the power! spread the word!
see: unbrandamerica.org/unbrandamerica.html

And here is tonight's joke. You can thank me later.

  The Tax Office sends their auditor to a synagogue.

The auditor is doing all the checks and then turns to the rabbi and says, I noticed that you buy a lot of candles.
"Yes" answered the Rabbi.
"Well, Rabbi, what do you do with the candle drippings?" he asked.
"A good question," noted the Rabbi.
"We actually save them up and when we have enough, we send them back to the candle maker and every now and then, they send us a free box of candles."
"Oh," replied the auditor somewhat disappointed that his unusual question actually had a practical answer.

So he thought he'd go on, in his obnoxious way......

"Rabbi, what about all these matzo purchases? What do you do with the crumbs from the matzo?"
"Ah, yes," replied the Rabbi calmly, "we actually collect up all the crumbs from the matzo and when we have enough, we send them in a box back to the manufacturer and every now and then, they send a whole box of matzo balls."
"Oh," replied the auditor, thinking hard how to fluster the Rabbi.

"Well, Rabbi," he went on," what do you do with all the foreskin's from the circumcisions?"
"Yes, here too, we do not waste," answered the Rabbi. "What we do is save up all the foreskin's, and when we have enough we actually send them to the Tax Office, and about once a year they send us a complete dick like you."


June 19, 2004
chrissy moran   I   page 3   I   another redhead for dave

Anyone need a 39t chainring?

So much for an update on Friday. And it's not like I was out having fun. Oh no, I was at home sleeping.

God damn I suck.

Big Pun called me to tell me he was revoking my "drunk card". Seems I haven't been paying my dues, and well, you just can't allow that type of thing to go on around here. Can't say I blame him.

  From: hugo
Subject: Those Christy Canyon pics…
hey man,
In the future, please post a warning on pics like those. Christy Canyon was the shit back in the day, but god damn, those close-ups of her crotch look like Fidel Castro chomping on a London broil.
Yikes.

Sorry to scare you like that, my brother. It won't happen again.

I guess it's true what they say: It's not the years, it's the mileage.

My man Mike called O'Grady's latest, "a foamy rant of reason in a sea of sycophants ...."

It's got a nice ring to it, doesn't it?

And, O'Grady has it pegged.

This was forwarded to me in regards to Thursday's pro-Kerry post. Just so you understand the way it's written. Oh, never mind. Read and enjoy.

  From: Tall Paul
Subject: You really need to meet my buddy Tony. Read below.
I'm with him 100% !!! May I offer the following bumper sticker slogans as an expression of my own sentiments:

George W. Bush - let's not elect him this time either!

Don't blame me. I voted with the majority.

Let Johnny know I agree, and I'm sure he's aware of the following points, which are very well documented in two books I've read this year: "The Price of Loyalty" on former Secretary of the Treasury Paul O'Neil by Ron Susskind, and "Against All Enemies" by Richard Clarke, former presidential advisor on terrorism:

From day one, the Bush administration, led by classic neo-cons such as Dick Cheney, Paul Wolfowitz, Karl Rove, Richard Rumsfeld, Jon Ashcroft, et. al. had it in for Saddam Hussein and his removal from Iraq. They only needed an excuse to invade. The reason? Let me make it as painfully simple as possible: oil.

About midway into President Clinton's second term, Clarke advised him, along with the National Security Council, the CIA, the FBI, the Department of Defense, about what al Queda was and is, who Usama Bin Laden is and what his role has been in previous terrorist attacks against US embassies in Africa, the USS Cole bombing in Yemen, the Marine barracks bombing and even terrorist activities in Kosovo. He also had very solid intel that al Queda had sleeper cells, not only in Europe, but within the United States, and that a very big attack was being planned for sometime in the near future somewhere within the US. That conclusion was reached sometime in 2000 and when the Bush team arrived in 2001, during his very urgent briefings on these matters, he was met with two answers: one was to find a connection between al Queda and Hussein. There was none and he was certain of it because they had tried many times to find a connection. The second was tantamount to poo-pooing the information and doing nothing more about it, despite the fact that during the Clinton administration, the FBI and the Department of Immigration teamed up to capture middle eastern terrorists, members of al Queda, at the Canadian border near Washington state with a car load of explosives and a detailed plan to blow up LAX airport. The threat was real. The threat was ignored, I believe, by design on the part of the Bush administration, as the perfect excuse to invade Iraq. History has proven this, tragically.

And now, this former coke snorting, whisky and beer drinking piece of shit redneck from Crawford, Texas, this mega jackass moron has the BALLS to use this tragedy in his campaign ads!

Two words to President Bush in the most diplomatic and respectful tone I can muster...

FUCK YOU!

Pretty clear and to the point. Much like this next letter.

  From: Luke
Subject: Vote Kerry
Jonny,
You bet I am voting Kerry, as I can't wait to see that shithead asshat in the oval office currently to be handed a nasty defeat. Kerry will be a great prez, as he's got plans to boost alternative energy & help us get rid of our dependence on the sheet-heads. Hey, Michael Moores' new flick, Farenheit 911, comes out a week from tomorrow, 6/26. You oughta see it and tell all your internet buddies via your site to see it too. It will be a big hit this summer, and will contribute to both Kerry's election and the demise of the Shrub administration.

Peace, and keep on the pedals..

Damn straight. Just call me the Political Cyclist.

Check out what else I heard: MoveOn PAC has posted the trailer for Michael Moore's new movie "Fahrenheit 9/11" on their website. You can check it out at:
moveonpac.org/f911/

Oh, it ain't over.

  From: Matty D
Subject: bastards
Goddam that pisses me off. Wish I had something funny, goofy, or porn to send, but I am just ripped. There is nothing worse than using the suffering of others to scare people or make a point. How dare those fuckers show pics from 9/11 and try to use a national fucking tragedy for their own ends. Does exactly the opposite of what they want. Never voted for shrub and never will.

Clinton gets impeached for gettin' a little Lewinsky, and shrub get's what?
I'll tell you what: more oil money!! Chuck Brown put it best: AAAUUUGGH!

Makes me want to walk into a republican campaign center and start smacking people on the forehead. Helloooo??? Anyone there??? Do you really believe in this shit or are you just mindless lemmings? It's one thing to be apathetic, but it's something entirely different to actually put time and energy into supporting this crap. What the fuck I ask. WHAT THE FUCK is wrong with you people?

We're screwed. I think I'm moving to Canada before the rest of the world comes after us. The riding is better up there anyway.

In the upcoming events department, I have this to share. The Soul Ride registration is now open. Get at it. It goes off on October 31 and anyone wearing a costume will be "well rewarded!" Not sure what that means exactly, but I expect to show up looking like a doochebag. Oh yeah, if you register before June 30th, you will be entered to win a NiteRider HID. And who doesn't want one of those?

Another big ass ride from those hardcore mother fuckers up north in Salt Lake City. The riding these guys do makes me look like a candyass.

All I can come up with when I see something like this is WTF.

I'm gonna wrap this up with today's joke. And I'm out.

  A flat-chested young lady went to Dr. Smith for advice about enlarging her breasts.

He told her, "Everyday when you get out of the shower, rub your nipples and say, "Scooby doobie doobies, I want bigger boobies." So she did this faithfully for several months, and it worked. She grew great boobs.

One morning, she was running late and when she was on the bus, she realized she had forgotten her morning ritual. At this point, she loved her new boobs and didn't want to lose them, so she got up, right in the middle of the bus, and said, "Scooby doobie doobies, I want bigger boobies."

A guy was sitting nearby and asked her, "Do you go to Dr. Smith by any chance?"

"Why, yes, I do. How did you know?"

He leaned toward her and whispered, "Hickory dickory dock."


Thursday, June 17, 2004
christy canyon old school   I   erica campbell   I   redhead for dave

Check out Circle Street for some cool shirts. I know I'll be rocking one of those in the near future.

It's already Thursday. Man. What a week. I've been doing nothing but shitting and sleeping. Mostly in that order.

I think it was the Navajo Taco I ate Sunday night up in Mexican Hat, Utah. The restaurant was dicey, just the place to poison a brother.

And poisoned I am.

  From: jeff from massachusets
Subject: hey dude
maybe i've had too many sierra nevada pale ales, and maybe i haven't, but what the fuck! i just saw a major car wreck and a near miss on a fellow cyclist and i am not too happy about it!

i was walking back from the video store (no, not naked yoga his time, but mystic river) and this dude pulled right out into traffic without looking, in front of a chick on a bicycle, but she swerved and escaped serious injury. unfortunately, the UPS guy driving home from work wasn't so lucky - he got nailed. man it was bad - his head hit and cracked the windshield! Ouch! the paramedics said he'd be O.K., but it looked liked he'd have a serious headache for a few days! swollen mellon and all.

i asked the chick if she was o.k. and she said "yeah, i am o.k."

you won't believe it, but the cop was a total prick (what a surprise there!) he's obviously watched too much t.v. and thinks his shit is vanilla soft serve. talk about attitude. he had the whole thing figured out like he had e.s.p. or something. what a dick!

anyway. i thought i would share this story and admonish fellow cyclists to be on guard - you're very life may depend upon it!

Damn. Sounds like some scary shit. Watch yourselves out there, people.

This is starting to feel a little dated, because I've been speeding my time sleeping for the last three days, but I like it. So there.

  From: Bert
Subject: Scary shit - Wake up America!
Big Jonny,
I found this on the alternative tentacles link you posted
alternativetentacles.com/news.php?sd=uq5ifx10DD2ESeT35eH#222

One Fucked up president props him (Saddam Hussein) up so another can wage a multi billion war against him, fuckin' great!

"One dictator in particular looms large across our landscape. Saddam Hussein was a creation of Ronald Reagan. The Reagan administration supported the Hussein regime despite his incredible record of atrocity. The Reagan administration gave Hussein intelligence information which helped the Iraqi military use their chemical weapons on the battlefield against Iran to great effect. The deadly bacterial agents sent to Iraq during the Reagan administration are a laundry list of horrors.

The Reagan administration sent an emissary named Donald Rumsfeld to Iraq to shake Saddam Hussein's hand and assure him that, despite public American condemnation of the use of those chemical weapons, the Reagan administration still considered him a welcome friend and ally. This happened while the Reagan administration was selling weapons to Iran, a nation notorious for its support of international terrorism, in secret and in violation of scores of laws.

Another name on Ronald Reagan's roll call is that of Osama bin Laden. The Reagan administration believed it a bully idea to organize an army of Islamic fundamentalists in Afghanistan to fight the Soviet Union. bin Laden became the spiritual leader of this action. Throughout the entirety of Reagan's term, bin Laden and his people were armed, funded and trained by the United States. Reagan helped teach Osama bin Laden the lesson he lives by today, that it is possible to bring a superpower to its knees. bin Laden believes this because he has done it once before, thanks to the dedicated help of Ronald Reagan".

In 1998, two American embassies in Africa were blasted into rubble by Osama bin Laden, who used the Semtex sent to Afghanistan by the Reagan administration to do the job. In 2001, Osama bin Laden thrust a dagger into the heart of the United States, using men who became skilled at the art of terrorism with the help of Ronald Reagan. Today, there are 827 American soldiers and over 10,000 civilians who have died in the invasion and occupation of Iraq, a war that came to be because Reagan helped manufacture both Saddam Hussein and Osama bin Laden.

Great news, eh? I'm sure all of you enjoyed reading that as much as I did.

I'll try to make this the last work on Reagan:

  From: Alan
Subject: Last word on Reagan
Best description of Ronnie I ever heard (and it applies to Bush as well):

"The clothes have no emperor"

Try being an anarchist on a bike in Texas, life on the freakin' edge, boy-o! FTWSSMF: Fort Worth Single Speed Mo-Fo

You know, I kinda like that.

And you can always tell when I've been away for a couple of days because I come back to the site with a shit load of emails to post. This is great, I don't even have to think. Just cut and paste and fart and eat charcoal pills and try not to shit myself. Yeah, this is the life.

  From: Chris
Subject: gawd damn
Holy shit!!! dot_bike_co.tripod.com/dotco/id15.html
Big Johnny, just put the damn cuffs on me now and lock me up....what the fucks the difference I mean 16, 17, 18...what the fuck!!!!
This is a friend of mine's blog/company/website, with a "girls" section....can you even post pics of these girls, there is NO nudity, NOTHING ILLEGAL!!! I PROMISE...but GAWD DAMN!!! Just look at heather from PA....fucking SHIT man!!!! I'm hosed!! I'm so hosed!!!!!

Shit!

Shout at the devil

I notice the music makes that page load about as slow as slow gets. But, I guess it's all just part of the fun over there at Dot Co.

I hope Husky doesn't see that page. He's likely to explode, the poor bastard.

  From: Don
Subject: happy tree friends
Hey Big Jonny! Ever see this shit:
happytreefriends.com/watch_episodes/
Fucking funny. And I know funny. Funny is missing your 9 am flight out of Cleveland cuz you and your ride were both too pissed to wake up in time. Heading over to your neck of the woods for 2 weeks of fun and sun in PHX. Hoo ahh. I'm bringing my bike and I hope I don't get my ass run over by some soccer mom in a Hummer.
Keep it on the real

I know I've linked the Happy Tree Friends before, but it was at least a year ago. So, I will gladly link them again.

Same deal with this link as the rest of the update: A day late and a dollar short. Read about one bad ass buzzard here.

  From: roydrink
Subject: Your sites getting more popular
...when the first "Official Tour de France Merchandise" item in the VeloGear site is this:
velogear.com/20todefrbeko.html

Ah yes, beer. I can't wait until the war in my intestines has died down enough for me to enjoy a couple of those dark, cold beauties.

I'll wrap this thing up with a link that really pissed me off.

members.cox.net/classicweb/Heroes/heroes.htm

That is a bunch of bullshit. Seriously.

What is happening in Iraq has nothing to do with 9-11. Nothing.

Al Queda fucked us, and fucked us hard. We should be spending the time and resources to track those bastards down. And not allowing ourselves to get mired down in Iraq.

Which is exactly what has happened.

This mess will take years to fix. And George Bush will be well out of office before then.

George Bush hasn't made us any safer. In fact, he's managed to piss away more then I can even begin to imagine. The world was standing with us after 9-11. Now they distance themselves from the drunken bully we have become.

Displaying pictures of people falling out of the Twin Towers to their death is inexcusable. We all no people died there. We do not ever, ever need to show pictures like that to prove a point.

Yes, that woman had a family. How do you think they feel about her death being shown on the internet?

Fuck that shit.

I'm voting for Kerry.

Who's with me?


Tuesday, June 15, 2004
jana cova   I   kitana   I   lisa boyle

Tuesday and I feel like ass. According to my wife, I smell and taste like ass too. I hope it gets better, or I will be sleeping with the dog tonight. I caught a touch of food poisoning and it's killing me softly. More like loudly.

Jackass Justin decided to write a little something while I was talking a nap. I'm just going to run with it. I figure, why the fuck not?

Jonny's Day: Wake up late, go to work late, come home for lunch early, hang out for awhile, go back to work late, come home from work early, take a nap, eat a hot dog, walk to Pay and Take, watch the ball game, walk home and get back into bed. 9pm and time for bed! I sure have a tough life!!!

If I keep working so hard, I won't even make it to Thursday before I need a weekend. Boy, do I need a vacation.


Monday, June 14, 2004
cheyenne silver   I   sophie   I   redhead for dave

Back from one hell of a weekend. I could say my dick got knocked in the dirt, but that wouldn't be saying much. My shit drags on the ground on the regular.

Just like Big Tex.

Saw the Texican this weekend on the group ride. I told him I he wasn't as fat as I expected with his sit down and tell people how to ride gig. What do they call that shit? Oh yeah, coaching.

So, he's sitting on his ass up in Colorado Springs (so he tells me) and getting fat and slow and all that. Bullshit. He blew my doors clean off. Bastard.

At one point Bensy is riding behind me and says, "Hey Gnome, can I borrow your cell phone?"

"What the fuck for?", belches El Gnomie.

"So I can dial 1-900-Mix-Alot and kick those nasty thoughts. 'Cause jonny got back!"

Yeah, the bit killed.

Bastard.

So I headed north with Jackass Justin and the girls for some fun in the sun without heckling. We went up on Cedar Mesa Saturday night and woke up to one hell of a view. After coffee and scones, that Jackass and I went for a ride. We went north on 261, east on 95 and then south on 191 to Bluff. It doesn't seem like much on this map I found, but it took 6 hours.

And it was fun.

I did miss the Husky Midget and Scottish Chris who were in Flagstaff, but I didn't find out about that until I got back and heard the phone messages. I'm always missing folks. I guess I just have too much fun, eh?

Speaking of fun, check out this gallery of pics from the Prom Party.

I was the fucking pimp. Check me out, picture 62.

Another gallery I'd like to link, and another server I'll probably tank, is from the White Trash Party. And, holy shit was that fun. See it here.

My favorite? Hands down, Big Pun tuggin' on a forty. Popeye needs his spinach.

Yeah, that's the guy who jacked my car.

Can't say I blame him. I'd have done the same thing.

Here's one of Pun presenting me with a beer. Good looking out. I lost that big bottle of death and got to work on my 30 pack of highlife before I ended up laying down in front of a train.

  From: June Bug
Subject: podium girls
Hi Big Jonny, other than winning races, which I am not successful at, how do I become a podium girl? can you think of any better job for me? kissing all those professional racers...ooh la la....wow. I wonder if they just use models, if that's the case I am not marketable because I am only 5'8.5". Ok, I guess I'll just stick to the books.

You want to be a podium girl? It takes only one thing, and a lot of it: Practice, practice, practice. What are you doing next Saturday? I'm not busy.

You can reach me at 1-900-Mix-Alot.

And, yes, the Pistons won again last night. I didn't catch the game, but I'm loving it. Just loving it.

Die Lakers, die.

  From: JM
Subject: RE: Beer pong accessory
hey jonny,
When you're ready to get serious about your training you need one of these velonews.com/tech/report/articles/6243.1.html!!! it's a treadmill for bikes. It could be dangerous at a party.

Dangerous? People would get fucking killed on that thing.

I need one.

What are they, 40k? I got that long cash. Just like Todd Wells.

  From: Tim the Mighty
Subject: naked asian and bike
Two of my favorite things are here.
7.kinghost.com/asian/point5/flvm4/ian46.htm
Enjoy!

I especially like the ad at the top of the page for the "flashlight". Jesus fucking Christ, what are you supposed to do with that? Beat down tent stakes?

You can get it in multiple flavors, like vagina, mouth, butt and, of course, non descript.

  From:
Subject:
Here's a pretty damn good video edit to enjoy. You might sum it up as the definition of 'brutal honesty.'
indymedia.org/imc/melbourne/bushwhacked2mgjth2.mov

I'm not sure what I'd sum that up as. Maybe "hilarious" works.

I can almost taste the email love letters I'm about to get for posting that one.

Oh well. May as unleash Nic the Dick on 'em then, ought'nt I? I mean, why not? Down in flames I always say.

  From: Nic the Dick
Subject: hey…
Whats up buddy.....Just reading tthe sit and decided that America has become one fucking whoinning pussy...All this emotion is driving me nut...What ever happened to good old June Cleaver?...A woman who actually lets her Man be the boss, She had Lunch packed and brreakfast ready, Before the family woke up, and she looked good doing it.. Why are so many woman getting a head today....We as men need to get our balls back...Think instead of Feel gentleman and life will be better for Us (men).strike-the-root.com/4/reed/reed4.html ..anyways stoned and off to Kanab Utah......Stop the feminazation of America Please!!!!!!

Ladies and Gentlemen: Nic the Dick.

Thank you.

Check out the rest of Strike The Root here. You'll be glad you did.

Adam writes in to say, "Jesus can't get enough dick."

That got you interested, didn't it? Click here for goats.com.

I'll leave it tonight with the whole "LA Confidential" thing, since it is the latest buzz and all. I think you all know how I feel about doping. Damn near everyone does it, and I have no idea how to convince them otherwise.

  From: Tall Todd
Subject: time to throw some gas on the fire
I'm sure you saw this already, but......
eurosport.com/home/pages/

And…

  From: Mike
Subject: Whining
this whining about Lance, as demonstrated here
velonews.com/news/fea/6263.0.html
.... what the HELL do these people think goes on?

yeah right:
Cheney NEVER cashes in
Rumsfeld isn't a war loving FREAK
Bush really DOES stand on principle
and Lance NEVER went for the whole ball of wax

gimme a freakin break


Friday, June 11, 2004
lonnie   I   stupid implants   I   stacey

Caught the Chronicles of Riddick this afternoon. Shit blew up, people died. In short, I loved it.

  From: Shawn
Subject: long live ronnie
fuck you!

Right on.

Thanks for the email, and have a great weekend.

More about what I think about Reagan.

I usually get just about run over by a car once a day it seems. And today was no exception. What made this one stand out from all the others is that instead of a Dodge pickup almost killing me, this was a guy in a Volkswagen van.

Dude, same team.

People just don't think of a bicycle as a legitimate vehicle on the road. Damn near every day someone either pulls out, or cuts right in front of me forcing me to slam on my breaks or die. I've had driver after driver look right at me and think, fuck it, it's a bike.

The best is when, like today, I'm heading straight through an intersection, and the guy coming the opposite way can't wait to turn left. A left that will take him across the lane I'm traveling in. A left that could happen safely once I am clear of the intersection.

But, instead, Mr. Volkswagen decides he'll just drive straight at me. Hey, he's on a bike, he'll either slam on his brakes of he'll die.

I guess I could have just gone straight into the front of his late model hippie mobile as he cut violently across my bow, but I took the pussy way out and locked it up on the fixed gear. My heart was in my throat as I barely, and I mean fucking barely missed the ass end of his van.

It scared the shit outta me.

Fucking asshole. I'll be keeping an eye out around town for that doochebag.

  From: Mr. Completely
Subject: downhill isn't a sport
So there I am,
I rode my bike up Park Ave in Laguna Beach. On my way up, I almost got run over by a white ford superduty 350 all jacked up on 36" tires and shiny as it never had and never would see a day off road. When I got to the "top of the world", much to my dismay, the white weenie mobile was sitting at the trailhead. There were 3 fat kids wiggling into their weasel suits (making them look like sausages), and listening to their stereo with the volume at 11, effectively destroying the serenity of the majestic hill top. They were unloading downhill rigs. All fancy and shiny.

Me: Hey you cut that corner a bit loose back there, do you think you could cut a fellow cyclist some slack?

Them: Smug looks as they eyeball my hardtail single speed 29er. No apology.

Me: How about I kick you asses?

Them: No response.

Me: Punks...

I rode for a few hours and rounded a bend to my favorite shady spot. The weenie crew was already there. Fucking cockroaches had trash strewn about. Cliff bar wrappers, emergen-c containers a few CO2 cartridges a an empty package of tire slime (one of them had obviously flatted). When I didn't think that anything could be worse, one of them came laughing out of the bushes with his shit stained skivvies on a stick. Apparently he had to go and did have any TP. Now he was threatening his friends with his soiled undies. I actually have to give him credit because that is something that I would do, however this kid got bored and threw them on the ground.

Me: You guys gonna pick up this mess

Punk1: Aw geez you're like a bad penny, you turn up everywhere.

Me: Pick up your fucking mess or the next time I see you here I will have my way with your precious bikes.

Punk2: Yes boss.

At any rate I bailed. Didn't see the kids again. I think they got lost trying to find a way to get up the hill without pedaling (sorry guys no ski lift here, yet). I did see their weenie wagon on my way out. I was so fucking temped to put my new knife through ALL FOUR of their gumbo monster mudder tires. The fucking fucks... Fortunately for them I am a devout frizbetarian and am allergic to going to jail (yes there were witnesses)..

Man, sniff, I love that guy.

How do you say "Fuck you and your SUV" in French?

Got this link today, and the guy who sent it said, "I'm not to sure about the strawberrys". Well, neither am I. But I ain't complaining.

I know I've linked this, but, damn, is it ever worth doing again. Check out the Bush asshole mosaic.

Fuck it, it's Friday. I'm out of here.


Thursday, June 10, 2004
devon   I   jharin   I   jj holly

Ray Charles died today. Now that is some sad news.

Care to read Ronald Reagan's speech addressing the National Association of Evangelicals? Try and not gag on that one.

My favorite passage, and believe me there are many jewels in this piece, it this one:

  "… the fight against parental notification is really only one example of many attempts to water down traditional values and even abrogate the original terms of American democracy. Freedom prospers when religion is vibrant and the rule of law under God is acknowledged. When our Founding Fathers passed the First Amendment, they sought to protect churches from government interference. They never intended to construct a wall of hostility between government and the concept of religious belief itself."

Freedom prospers when religion is vibrant? Oh please. How about freedom prospers when religion is kept to oneself?

I don't believe in your God, and I don't really want to hear about him, or her, either. Keep it out of my life, thank you very much.

I'll do my thing, and you can do yours. Separately.

See how well that works?

the knives are being sharpened out there, ladies and gentleman, and I'm just here to tell you about it. That was my attempt at sounding like Rush Limbaugh. I pray I failed…

Anyway. Knives. Reagan. Chop. Slice. Chop.

  From: Rich
Subject: Reagan still dead
Hey, Jonny,
I had an interesting experience in synchronicity today. Lately, I've been avoiding the news because nobody seems to want to say anything bad about Reagan and it makes me grit my teeth. So today I took an Elvis Costello best-of that I've only listened to once or twice, and put it on shuffle. The song "Tramp the Dirt Down" caught my ear and I started wondering what it was about. Turns out it's about Margaret Thatcher. Here are some lyrics:

Well I hope I don't die too soon
I pray the Lord my soul to save
Oh I'll be a good boy, I'm trying so hard to behave
Because there's one thing I know, I'd like to live
long enough to savour
That's when they finally put you in the ground
I'll stand on your grave and tramp the dirt down.

Zowie! Not what I was expecting -- except for the title, you'd think it was a sad love song.

While I was searching for the lyrics I came across this:
entertainment.scotsman.com/music/headlines
"Invective is beautiful when it is improvised, acid-intense and of the moment. Still banging away with the same insults 20 years later runs the risk of sounding merely sullen."

It occurred to me that this was exactly what I had been gritting my teeth about, and that - Thatcher being, basically, Reagan in a dress & a funny accent - it was a very appropriate lesson for this week. Everyone seems to think that, whatever Reagan did back in the 80's, he's a saint now. It's time to name airports & highways after him, put him on a piece of money, that sort of thing.

I still want to know what the fuck happened in Nicaragua on his watch and how much he knew about it, how exactly it came to pass that his administration illegally funded an insurgency and got away with it. I want to know how far back he set the environmental movement. I want to know how long it's going to take to pay down the deficit we carry from the days of his administration. I want to know, as Doonesbury put it, whether he was the most deceptive president since Nixon or just way fucking senile.

The fact that he's old and feeble -- or dead, now -- doesn't change the fact that he, like Thatcher, got away with murder. I hope Elvis does actually dance on Maggie's grave when she dies. People like him are the only thing keeping history from getting sanitized.

I've got a pile of 80's punk rock albums carrying much the same message, albeit in different ways. From Jello Biafra's barbed criticisms to the Dayglo Abortions fucking horrible album art; Reagan was no hero.

I haven't quite got to the point where I'm going to dance on his grave, but I wouldn't think anything less of someone who did. And, if those bastards have the right to fuck us over as much as they can while in power, then we have the right to celebrate outliving them and their evil.

Am I suggesting I will one day be dancing on Dubbya's grave?

Maybe.

Maybe not.

But, I fucking tell you this much, I'm going to sleep well tonight after watching the Lakers go down like the bunch of bitches they are.

Bored? Try out this link.

If I had a dollar for every time someone sent me that shitty "Lance is King" mp3 this week, I would be able to cover my loss to Ray-Ray picking Hamilton over Mayo in the ITT this morning and still have enough left over for lunch, a bottle of scotch and a full tank of gas in the Buick.

Word.

Need something to do this Saturday? Check out the World Naked Bike Ride.

Ought to be good for a few laughs.

  From: Mojo
Subject: Riding in Boise
Big Jonny: Hey, I was reading ol' Geoff's e-mail about what he learned about ss racing, and all I really gotta say is speak for yourself, my man. Someone on a 32:18 damn well ought to catch someone on a 32:16 on a hill, especially when they get steep, like they do in Boise. Secondly, as far as that suspension crap goes... what a fucking hoax. It's all about the rider, not the bike. Nor the springs insulating you from the trail. Fact is, some of the fastest onespeeders I've ridden with ride and race rigid. And do quite well.

Cutting weight and losing the energy robbing power loss by going rigid gives you a clear advantage when it comes to racing. Not to say that it automatically makes you faster. It's up to the rider to take advantage. Like I said, it's the rider, not the bike.

The only thing that I learned from years of racing is that if hike up my skirt I'll go a little faster.

Keep up the good work my man. I'm flyin' the colors for the cause too.

Last time I rode rigid, I thought I broke my dick beaters.

And that was a sad, sad day.

A life without two, healthy, functioning dickbeaters is no life worth living.

This just in:

  From: Larry
Subject: Don't
I hate those hoax warnings, but this one is important! Send this warning to everyone on your e-mail list!

If someone comes to your front door saying they are conducting a survey and asks you to take your clothes off, do not do it.
This is a scam; they only want to see you naked.
I wish I'd gotten this yesterday. I feel so stupid and cheap now.....

Thanks for the heads up, Larry. You've really made a difference today. Sleep well knowing that.


Wednesday, June 9, 2004
britney foster   I   charmane star   I   dani

What is it, Wednesday? Jesus. What a week. This riding stuff is starting to catch on.

Unlike last summer, when I had a different job requiring working later in the day, I rode in the morning. Now, I ride in the early evening. I'm not really sure which is more effective for fitness, but It's kind of odd to go from seeing the sun coming up while riding to seeing it go down.

I said, "go down".

Hey baby, how 'bout a couple rounds of cornhole?

Funny thing is, I used to play that game on summer visits to my Grandparent's place in Ohio. But, I'm pretty sure they didn't call it "cornhole". Something tamer, like "bean bag toss".

This is back when I was about 12 or 13, so I wasn't exactly boozing it up with the big boys. But, I can see how the game would be fun as hell with a couple under your belt.

And betting.

Tomorrow brings up the Mt. Ventoux time trail in the Dauphine Libere. And, like any good office, we've all got our picks worked out. I took Hamilton, Fro got Armstrong and Ray-Ray ended up with Mayo. Whichever rider places higher than the rest wins the pot.

Oh, life can be so exciting. Exciting like podium girls.

Of course, being as I'm jinxed, cursed and otherwise just full of bad juju, Hamilton will undoubtedly be struck by lightning, break both collar bones and fail a drug test.

All because I'm backing him.

Like what one of my Philly friends told me today, "We're so fucking cursed, now it even carries over to animals.".

Hard to argue with that.

  From: JIM
Subject: research on community design
Yo. Saw this and thought of your site.
gatech.edu/news/item.php?id=295
Looks like the presence of a car in your life (and the communities that are built so that you're required to drive one to get from A to B) has a greater effect on your likelihood of obesity than any other factor.

Me? I'm a biker AND I'm a fat ass, but I'm comforted to know that it's because I drink good beer and eat delicious food... not because I sit and get carried everywhere I go.

Isn't it amazing it took a "The $4 million, seven-year study..." to figure out people who drive everywhere get fat.

I am also fond of the line, "People need destinations to walk to."

No shit.

And if I couldn't bribe myself to ride with the promise of pure, unadulterated junk food, well… Let's just say I wouldn't be riding very much.

  From: Chris
Subject: Lawyers Decided Bans on Torture Didn't Bind Bush
nytimes.com/2004/06/08/
I dunno about you but this scares the fuck outta me. I just [*gush*] love the fact that the leader of the FREE WORLD must hide behind a set of lawyers and technicalities on the subject of torture. "Administration lawyers concluded in March 2003 that the president was not bound by a treaty prohibiting torture." uh, excuse me? WTF are you talkin' bout Willis?

Don't get me wrong - I believe a public wedgie and a hanging would have been the right thing to do for terrorists and traitors. But sending a pack of lawyers to discover how we can get out of that "whole torture ban thing", it's disgraceful to say the least. Just where is the announcement "The 'Merican people do not condone torture in any form or any fashion"???

I love this country. I would defend it to my own demise. This man is destroying everything we have stood for and died to protect. I urge everyone to fight to take our country, our ethics, our dignity back.
Vote Bush out.

I agree with you 100%.

We do need to take our country back.

And, I realize I posted that same link yesterday. But on the chance one of you missed it, I'm posting it again.

It really is that important.

I mean what the fuck do we stand for? Truth, Justice and the American Way? Or, some doochebag from Texas.

  From: Matt
Subject: You really hate GW Bush...
You posted a link to his "resume" recently. Here's a link that answers the list.
filestash.net/The_Truth.pdf
Be careful. Unfettered hatred can cause a person to take extreme actions that a normal person wouldn't do. Most especially when there is a crowd full of hatred.
Got on a mountain bike for the first time in 15 years…. Took the proctologist 2 hours to find and retrieve the seat. Should have told the doc to leave it there since I'll be back out riding… Too much fun.

Yep. I really hate George Bush. The man is an assfaced cockmaster. He stands for everything which is wrong. He is man of low moral standards and character. What, he's a God fearing man you say? Yeah. Whatever. He's also the son of a rich and powerful man who glided through life. A drunk till he was 40. He is not the type of man you should aspire to be.

I want my country back. We stand for what is right. We are not bullies. We do not condone torture. We are not above the law.

Also, that pdf you mention answers questions brought up in this document and not this different list of total fuck ups by our sitting President.

I could spend the next four hours writing about all the shit on that list, the way he attacked and took over 2 countries, spent the U.S. surplus and bankrupted the US Treasury, shattered the record for the biggest annual deficit in history, set an economic record for the most personal bankruptcies filed in any 12 month period, set all-time record for the biggest drop in the history of the stock market and was the first president in decades to execute a federal prisoner.

Jesus, the list just goes on and on. Read this and tell me you're happy with the way things are.

I'm glad to hear you got the bike out. It's a good thing. We all could use a little more of that in our lives.

And, let me say again, John Kerry is a douchebag but I'm voting for him anyway.

Thank you.

  From: Alex
Subject: It's no Sidney Moon...
freeweb.siol.net/stargate/MaryBeth.htm
But she'll do.
Worth the wait

Thank you again.

And you think you know riding? Check this out:

  From: Mike
Subject: Totally Epic
Check out this ride: 61 miles, 10,000 feet of climbing. More than 1/2 singletrack.
You can hit the aerial photo icon in the upper right of the page, to see it in photo mode. Hit the little photo icons along the blue route line to bring up the pic.
Big Mountain Epic; June 6, 2004
Longest day I've done on a bike by a little bit, and certainly the most climbing. Jeff and Lubos were with us for the first 1/2, then Martin and I finished it off. Martin is a climbing machine. He was climbing everything, with speed and power, in the second 1/2, and I had to walk the steepest bits.

It looks like Jackass Justin is about to get dethroned. No longer is he King of One Day Epics. There's a new Sheriff in town, ladies and gentlemen, and his name is Mike.

I had better watch myself. JJ could end up here any day to drag me out on some Death Loop from Hell. Just to show me he still carries the crown.

I've only ridden up in the hills outside of Salt Lake City once, and I can tell you, it just goes forever. And I look forward to riding there more in the future.


I'll leave you with this.

  From: Bkrans
Subject: Reagan re-remembered
I'm sorry to see Paul Krugman, and you, Johnny, joining this great love-fest for Ronald Reagan. Finding distinctions between Reagan and Bush is a misleading exercise. Anybody looks better than Bush in comparison, because Bush is about the worst president this country has ever had. But Reagan set the precedent that made it possible for a yahoo extremist like Bush to be taken seriously. And whatever else you think of Reagan--that he was a great communicator, or a great optimist, PULEEZ don't regurgitate the notion--already becoming a "fact" by virtue of its unchallenged repetition--that Reagan ended the cold war.

REAGAN DID NOT END THE COLD WAR.

He didn't even change the direction of military spending, which was already ramping up under Carter. He merely maintained the rate of increase. The CIA now concludes that the Russians did not increase spending in response to our spending--they were already spending more than they could afford, and this ultimately contributed to their collapse, along with 20 or so other factors, all of which predated Reagan by decades.

I cite this both because its the biggest lie being told about Reagan right now, and because its an example of how the supposedly liberal media is falling all over itself to prove it is not liberal. I think the folks over at FAIR (Fairness and Accuracy in Reporting) have got it right when they say that (a) the liberal media is actually pretty conservative on economic and foreign policy matters and (b) the notion that the media is, or ought to be, "objective" is a trap that makes even those reporters who ARE liberal have to ape Fox News.

OK, now that I've read Paul Krugman's article it wasn't SO bad. He's certainly more critical of Reagan than most. But I still think he attributes more of a sense of responsibility to Reagan than Krugman's own facts suggest. He suggests Reagan was a "responsible" president because, after his big tax cut, he passed the biggest tax INCREASE in history. But he also notes that the tax increase "more than undid any gains from Mr. Reagan's income tax cuts" for middle-income and poor workers. Since the tax cuts disproportionately targeted the rich, the cuts and the increases taken together amounted to a huge redistribution of the tax burden onto us poor slobs who can't afford to buy Congressmen and presidents. Krugman ends by noting that he didn't approve of Reagan's economic policies--thanks Paul--but by trying t distinguish between Bush and Reagan as a means of attacking Bush, he is inadvertently defending the mind-set and strategy that is behind everything Bush has done.

More of the same from the BBC.


Tuesday, June 8, 2004
francine dee   I   nikki nova   I   krystal steal

Hot damn, well into another week and I'm feeling fine. All over my cold, and now I get to watch others suffer. Something is making the rounds. And it's kicking ass and taking names.

It took my damn name, that's for sure.

I would recommend this article from Paul Krugman over at the Times. Here's a little taste:

  "The contrast with President Bush is obvious. President Reagan, confronted with evidence that his tax cuts were fiscally irresponsible, changed course. President Bush, confronted with similar evidence, has pushed for even more tax cuts."

And, while you're there don't miss reading about how, "A team of administration lawyers concluded in a March 2003 legal memorandum that President Bush was not bound by either an international treaty prohibiting torture or by a federal antitorture law because he had the authority as commander in chief to approve any technique needed to protect the nation's security." It just warms the heart.

Moving on to much bigger and better things than out country going in the tank, Also, cops in Whitehorse are taking out the slack the best way they know how.

Good looking out fellas.

  From: M.E.G.
Subject: "Cyclist bruised by Whitehorse bylaw officers"
I guess you gotta watch your step in Whitehorse...
north.cbc.ca/regional/servlet/View?
Listen to the interview too as it has more details - like the fact that he was coming from a city sponsored "Commuter Challenge" event!
commuterchallenge.ca

That is so fucking unbelievable. But, somehow I believe it.

Something's never really change, do they?

  From: Chris
Subject: Tour Hype
Dude,
Suddenly there is a lot of talk about Iban Mayo. Yea he looks fit (but don't he know it) yea he is a challenger yada yada.
But let's not forget that he broke an unwritten code in last year's tour. He sucked Ullrich's wheel an entire mountain stage just to break away and leave the big guy behind offer no help along the way. If you recall that was a huge burden on Jan given that he was within striking distance and the tactic did little to May's overall. Few guys in the peleton forget shit like that and no matter how much they might hate Lance, Mayo won't get the help when he wants it. Not from Postal or Telecom or whatever they are called now. Those guys don't forget that shit, Jan especially. Especially when mofos don't share the pain. Reciprocity is the code among climbers. This selfish fuck signed his death warrant.
He is a marked man this tour and nobody is talking about it.

Mayo is on form, that much is certain. I think you're correct saying he hasn't exactly earned himself any favors from the heads of state, as it were. But the real question is whether or not he'll need any favors. And that, my friends, is yet to be decided.

I don't see him placing on top of the podium, but improving from last year. Top five for sure. He was well within the top ten last year. And with a damn fine stage win atop L'Alpe d'Huez.

I don't have much faith in his time trailing ability. I mean, look at this profile from the Dauphiné Libéré and tell me it means a fucking thing when it comes to a real time trail. Like the ones he'll have to face in the Tour. He lost 5 minutes last year in stage 12 and another 2 minutes in stage 19.

But, of course, I am often wrong about such things, as any readers of the site will know. A man who backs Philly, as I do, obviously doesn't think clearly when it comes to sporting events.

On a side note, I'm stoked for some fresh new podium girls.

  From: Corey the Courier
Subject: Philly curse
Yeah, I got caught with that crap too. The Wachovia US Pro Championships/ Bike Messenger Relay Challenge in Philadelphia was a bust for all of the Philly bike messenger teams. There were six teams- three from Philly, two from New York and one from Washington DC. Each rider on the four person team raced the one mile stretch along the start/finish area of the pro race, handing off a fake package to their teammate after completing the loop.

As messenger etiquette goes, the local messengers put up riders visiting from other cities. I took the NY squad out to a party where I hoped they would have such a good time that they would be blind drunk and unable to race by the next morning. Wrong! They drank all the booze, took all the women, stayed up till dawn and won the race. My sober teammates (and the rest of teams) got whooped by a bunch of red-eyed drunkards. It's my own damn fault for not taking my team out to ride in the pouring rain and party before the race.

Philly Phorever

Ain't it great being from Philly?

Or, in my case, outside Philly. Whatever.

I guess the moral of your story is it is better to loose hungover as hell with the memories of one hell of a night fresh in your mind then to loose sober and well rested.

Sorry 'bout your pain.

I'm so convinced I'm jinxed, I'm afraid to go down to Pay-n-Take to watch the Pistons beat up on the Lakers. I've got it online instead. I'm serious. If I watch, the Pistons are fucking doomed.

I'm as sure of it as I am of anything.

In fact, as I type this LA just tied it up at 89 all. And this one is going to overtime. God fucking damn it!

And it happened because I was talking writing about me being a fucking jinx. God damn it. I'm going to move into a fucking lead lined cave for the remained of the series.

I'll stick my head out like Punxsutawney Phil 'round about the 20th of June. And then Snake can smack me in the grill with a fucking 2 x 4 if I still managed to bitch up the Pistons from my subterranean abode.

You can just call him Gaggioli.


Monday, June 7, 2004
cheerleading lesbian babes   I   redhead for dave   I   angelina croft

The Stanley Cup is going to be callingTampa home for a year. Working on that tan, one email said. If it isn't Philly, it may as well be there. Fuck, what a series. Good stuff.

I'd call this a 'must link' type of article over at Talking Points Memo. God damn scary shit going on in the minds of men in our current administration.

And Rummy's got some bad ass moves. Check my man mad crazy style. He ain't no joke.

But this is. How 'bout one about Pennsylvania?

Three men were discussing their new wives.

The first man had married a woman from West Virginia. He bragged that he had told his wife to do all the dishes and clean the house. He said that it took her a couple of days, but on the third day he came home to a clean house and the dishes were all washed and put away.

The second man had married a woman from Ohio. He bragged that he had given his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, dishes, and the cooking. He told the men that the first day he didn't see any results, but by the next day it was better, and on the third day, his house was clean, the dishes were done, and he had a huge dinner on the table.

The third man had married a Pennsylvania girl. He boasted that he told her his house was to be cleaned, dishes washed, the cooking done and laundry folded. And this was all her responsibility. He said the first day he didn't see anything and the second day he didn't see anything but by the third day some of the swelling had gone down so he could see a little out of his left eye. Got to love the women from Pennsylvania!

A Bush link from some boys at Cove bike. At least that's what the email said. And I'm going with it.

My man Geoff flying the colors up in Boise.

  From: Geoff
Subject: Coyote Classic - flying the colors
Not a good pic, but this is all I could find from the race a couple of weeks ago. At least I caught that skinny little weenie on the gearie two spots ahead of me. I learned some valuable lessons about racing SS that day:

1. You are not going to catch a rider with 32x16 gearing on flats or downhills (or even climbs) when you are riding 32x18 gearing.
2. A rigid fork is fun to play around on and to ride as an everyday casual ride fork, but a suspension fork is key for racing.
3. Disc brakes may help one stop better, but they also add lots of weight to a bike, which is not good for racing.
4. 2.4 tires are good, again, for riding as regular meats on a SS, but for a race, something lighter is the way to go.
5. 4130 chromoly is a good frame material to play around on, but not so hot for a race bike.
6. Beer has its limits as an energy drink.
7. Mexican food is not the best food for pre-race carb loading.

Did I miss anything?

No, I don't think you missed anything. Pretty much got it all I that one.

I'll tell you this much, I'm with ya on the suspension fork. I've ridden rigid a lot, and it's cool and all that. But, when I'm racing, I tend to go a wee bit faster than I would, say, on some fuck off ride on Sunday. And, when I come over the top of the climb with my eyes falling out of my head, the blood pounding in my forehead to beat the band, my arms and legs totally numb and tunnel vision like a mother fucker, the last thing I need to worry about is not running straight into every single rock on the downhill.

Which is exactly what I usually end up doing.

And you think you know light bikes? Well, you don't know shit.

Check this out:

  From: Chris
Subject: light bikes
couldn't help notice this sight when I was pokin' around on the net. you've got to laugh with a site that prides itself in the celebration of the "weight weenie".
an even 10 pound Giant road bike
weightweenies.starbike.com/articles.php?ID=65
keep on fightin' the good fight

Scary light. Just plain scary light.

Damn. My bikes are shit buckets full of bricks compared to the stuff on that website.

It's a good thing I'm a big old fat fuck, or I might actually care.

  From: Jason
Subject: Oh yeah…
F-Smarty! On Ridge Ave. yesterday, one day after Belmont, someone already had a printed sign that said Smarty Sucks! Philly…I'll leave it at that!
Just wanted to let you know that I appreciate you respecting the death of President Reagan. You and I have WILDLY different political beliefs (yet the same cycling beliefs), but it's good to know that you, like myself, can put aside partisanship and recognize that no matter what, Reagan was a true leader and we could use a few of those today. Good quote selection and thanks again.

No problem.

This next email would be the other side of the coin.

  From: Josh
Subject: old dead dudes
Reagan was a fucking psycho.
thenation.com/outrage/index.mhtml?bid=6&pid=1292
And now the media's painting him as a fucking hero. By these standards I guess that Stalin guy was pretty cool, too.

That is a fucking scary story. More here.

It's like the Ride of the Valkyries.


Sunday, June 6, 2004
suzi simpson   I   jenna jameson   I   silvie sweet

Fred Rodriquez wins the US Pro in Philly. Again. Good lookin out, Freddy.

Read all about it over at cyclingnews and velonews.

  From: Gordon
Subject: RE: damn penguins
Fucking Philly curse!!! We can't even have a god damn horse win!!

God damn it. Fucking Smarty Jones.

I think it's all about Billy Penn.

We are fucking cursed.

How 'bout a joke?

One sunny day in 2005 an old man approached the White House from across Pennsylvania Avenue, where he'd been sitting on a park bench. He spoke to the U. S. Marine standing guard and said, "I would like to go in and meet with President Bush."

The Marine looked at the man and said, "Sir, Mr. Bush is no longer president and no longer resides here."

The old man said, "Okay" and walked away.

The following day, the same man approached the White House and said to the same Marine, "I would like to go in and meet with President Bush." The Marine again told the man, "Sir, Mr. Bush is no longer president and no longer resides here." The man thanked him and, again, just walked away.

The third day, the same man approached the White House and spoke to the very same U. S. Marine, saying "I would like to go in and meet with President Bush."

The Marine, understandably agitated at this point, looked at the man and said, "Sir, this is the third day in a row you have been here asking to speak to Mr. Bush. I've told you already that Mr. Bush is no longer the president and no longer resides here. Don't you understand?"

The old man looked at the Marine and said, "Oh, I understand. I just love hearing it."

The Marine snapped to attention, saluted, and said, "See you tomorrow."

  From: No One
Subject: al gore
as a raging anti-bush man, thought you might like to post this link:
oregonlive.com/commentary/oregonian/index.ssf?
Al Gore may be boring, but he isn't stupid. Minus a few hanging chad, think how much better we'd be today...
not-so-drunk-but-still-a-cyclist

You had me at "raging"…

In all seriousness, read the speech. What the man lacks in delivery, he more than makes up in content. And this is one of his finer efforts, in my opinion.

Hey, Detroit takes game one against LA. Right on. That is a very good thing. Smarty Jones may not have succeeded, but at least the Lakers lost tonight. I will sleep well knowing that.

I was actually afraid to go watch the game. Thinking seeing the Lakers win over the Pistons would just about send me clear over the edge at this point.

  From: Kevin
Subject: video game
emogame.com/bushgame.html
I haven't played it yet, probably won't, but it seems like the sort of thing some of our pals might dig.
I check your site every day and love it. Keep fighting the good fight.
ride to live, live to ride


Saturday, June 5, 2004
monica miller   I   bobby kilmer   I   angel cassidy

Ronald Reagan died today.

I found a quote tonight, that I think says it all. "Whatever else history may say about me when I'm gone," he said, "I hope it will record that I appealed to your best hopes, not your worst fears, to your confidence rather than your doubts."

I'll just leave it at that.

Tonight is the Prom Party here in town. But not like you're thinking. This is for adults.

I've got a suit that would make an NFL color annalist jealous. Think Dion Sanders and you got me.

I'd say this guy lost his fucking marbles. Nothing like taking a bulldozer to town, eh?

And people can't tell their kids are fat. Shit. I was in Target today and I can sure tell their kids are fat.

Who knew the Cold War was such a trainwreck.

I've linked it before and I'll link it again: The political compass.

  From: LMS
Subject: campaignseach.com
Hey Big Jonny -
Thought the following site might be of interest to someone like you: CampaignSearch.com.

The site has automatically indexed a boatload of political broadcast content that's -- get this -- searchable. NPR audio, CSPAN, PBS broadcasts, videos from the candidate's web sites -- it's all there.

For example, type "homeless" into the search engine and several streaming media files are returned in a list. The site even parses out the applicable content, so you COULD watch the entire State of the Union address, or just click on the link that zaps you 45 minutes into the State of the Union where ol' Georgie first mentions "homeless."

I'm no technology freak, and not much of a political wonk, but this is pretty cool. The fact that videos are now searchable is fucking fabulous.

Love your site; keep up the good work.

I imagine that website will come in handy for a lot of folks. If I wasn't getting ready to shake my ass at the Prom Party, I'd be fucking off on the net and checking out the site in greater detail.

  From: Simon
Subject:
We're doing it here in just outside central London:
beastway.com/series2004/index.html
This is a Wednesday night series each summer at Eastway Cycle circuit where they are planning to put part of the Olympic Village should London win its Olympic bid.

Format is 5/6 laps about an hour long. As you can imagine the course has mounds rather than hills so 36/16 is de rigeur. Sylvain Garde our adopted Frenchman is SS king coming in before the third guy in the geared sports class.

Cheers, keep up the good work. V jealous of stories of real mountains.

I'll try to keep the stories coming about real mountains and such. And, I must tell you, I'm a little jealous of being able to ride a 36-16. I'm way down in a 32-18 these days, just piddling along.

And why did we invade Iraq again? 'Cause I'm kinda not remembering the reasons.

If you could just sum it up for me real quick like…

I need me a trunk monkey. In a bad way.

And get your bets in now over at sportsbook.com.

  From: Sadow
Subject: Perimeter Ride around the Catalina's
Check out the link:
topofusion.com/photofusion/roundlemmon
It's got photo's and ride specs (profile, distance, etc...).
The record according to Perimeter Bicycling is approx. 6 hrs. (that guy is fast!!!)
Enjoy

Six hours for that loop is fucking blazing.

Fuck it. I'm outta here.


Friday, June 4, 2004
andrea veresova   I   monique dane   I   becky

Check this out:

  From: Berto-matic
Subject: Bike hit and run
Hey Johnny I have been reading your site for a long time now but I need you guys help from up the hill. This morning at 6 am a good friend and fellow firefighter was hit by a car while riding up Oak Creek Canyon. At last word he sustained a broken arm and possible broken leg and currently is at Flagstaff medical center. The motorist that hit him brought him to the fire station, dropped him off and then the moron left. The Sedona cops want him as bad as we do. Due to having to treat and take care of my friend and his injuries I only have a limited description of the perp. The vehicle is a two tone Tan and Bright red Ford Bronco late 70's model with upgraded chrome wheels. The driver is approximately 6'0 and 220-230 pounds and smokes marlborough cigarretes. The truck is NOT a beater type truck and is in restored type condition on the outside so any of you old car buffs might spot it. He was north bound to Flagstaff from uptown Sedona at the time of the accident. The truck also has some minor right sided body damage. Looking at the bike my friend is lucky to be alive but he is a tough kid. If you could post this ASAP our chances of catching this guy are going to increase. I am kind of trippin' right now because I ride my bike to work from Cottonwood to Sedona so this hits a little too close to home.
BE CAREFUL OUT THERE

The cyclist is in surgery right now up at Flagstaff Medical Center. My info to follow.


Thursday, June 3, 2004
holy shit   I   holy shit again   I   redhead for dave

Tonight is, I suppose, the full moon. At least that is what my calendar says. I call horseshit on that one. I was riding around as the sun set tonight, and sat under a pine tree expecting a glorious moonrise. No such luck.

I sat around till 9:00 pm and turned for home. I don't get it. Last night, the moon was up while it was still plenty light outside and I could actually see the bastard and the road as I pedaled home. Call it the best of both worlds.

I heard somewhere the moon rise changes four minutes each day. I'm thinking that's a line of shit. Read more about moon phases if you want to. I'm done with it.

  From: mark s.
Subject: SCSS Race #3 ( 1 speed road race!!! ) Last minute update
Here it comes. This Sunday will surely be another ho hum day in paradise. I have received all kinds of feedback. Neil from ROAD Magazine will be covering / riding in the event and Jeff Holt of DLX Marketing will be providing the "party sag" for all the quitters. Do the guys from shimano have a "ringer"? Will our reigning champion Brent P recover from his "injury" in time? Will Jeff Holt really show up at all? The answers to all these questions will all be revealed this Sunday!! We will also announce the location of the after party at the start of the race. ALSO, Do your home work. There will be no route slips!! You mainly need to know how to get from the bottom of Mt Baldy road back to Coates cyclery. Remember to bring a gift for Ballbreakers birthday....or not. Below are all the details that I previously sent out. Hope to see you there.

Right after the race SCSS will host a full BBQ with lots of dead animals to eat. There will also be plenty of beer to wash the taste of burnt dead animal flesh with salsa from your mouth. All for the low price of FREE. The party is sponsored by C & E LUMBER and BRAEGER CONSTRUCTION! These guys rule. And by the way, for all you Veagans there will be bacon rapped shrimp!

If you plan to attend the race OR the party, PLEASE RSVP, 411@socalsinglespeed.com, so we know how many innocent animals must die in order for us to feel full. (I need a rough head count people!)

ALSO. Ballbreaker must have gotten some strange because he was in a particularly good mood and decided that it will be a "run what you brung" event. That means that ALL types of SS bikes are welcome, MTB , Road , BMX whatever. BUT if you do show up on a 700 c bike with drop bars you will be allowed to start in the front of the pack.

DETAILS:

What: The First Annual Marco Pantani Memorial 1 speed road race. will be held on June 6. This is to coincide with the Marco Pantani Memorial race being held on the same day in Italy.

When: June 6 2004. Race starts at 9am SHARP!(due to the heat in June) Be there at least and hour before the start

Were: This race will start at Coates Cyclery ( Corey is a long time supporter of SCSS )located at 760 E. Foothill blvd, Pomona Ca, 91767 / Finish line TBD

Entry: Sign up's will be at Coates Cyclery the morning of the race. So that no one thinks we would even want to be viewed as profiting from the passing of a great champion, the race is free.

Course: The race route will start at Coates Cyclery and find it's way to the base of Glendora Mountain Road (GMR). We will race up GMR to Mtn Baldy Village. This climb alone is 22 miles. We will then race down Baldy road (can you say 60mph!). We haven't decided exactly were the finish line will be. We will let you know that morning. The total distance is about 45 miles. First one back wins an ice cold case of Pabst Blue Ribbon Courtesy of Lawest Market. There will also be one of SCSS's world famous raffles!

NOTES: Bring LOTS of water and a musette bag of food. This climb is in the middle of nowhere and there is NO WATER once you are on the climb. Be sure to bring enough for yourself. If you are a bad ass then bring extra for some one else just in case. I have done it on no less than 3 bottles on a geared bike so use your head. We don't need anyone getting sick on us. There will be a sweep vehicle as a just in case as well.

Now that sounds like the shiz bizzy.

I'll be out this weekend turning a shovel with the Flagstaff Biking boys. It's National trails day, or some shit.

And this movie, Control Room could be interesting. I can't imagine where I'll find that one in Flagstaff, Arizona.

Maybe someone I know will buy it and let me borrow it?

  From: Rich
Subject: can ya beat this game?
hey hey Jonny, long time reader and road rider here in upstate NY. anyways, not sure if ya ever seen this game before but i found this the other day and the demo is damn hard to win but tons of fun to fool around with on rainy days. im trying to find a place in the US to order it as most of the sites that carry it are euro. anywyas, the demo is fun for now and theres 4th edition due out soon i think.
cycling-manager3.com/english/

Beat it? I haven't even taken the time to play it.

Looks pretty damn compicated. Like something I should takle in the winter when I'm crawling the fucking walls of this rental.

Not that it's summer, I'll be outside riding.

Here's a little something that was buried in my inbox from last weekend.

  From: THE Hostile Local
Subject: Nuke PHX…
Yep - it's one of those summer holidays when the trails in the highcountry fill up with all sorts of assholes, idiots, and douchebags... On my 4+ hour ride this beautiful morning, I came across so many dumbshits on bikes and not to mention the plethora of valley-style, big white trucks with huge wheels and four doors at the bottom of Schultz Pass. I even saw a Hummer with a plate reading "XTREME". I can't believe this shit... Man, did they come up from the valley in hordes this year. And all the shitheads camped out along the way ... it will only take one to burn down our forests... Well, I did my part as a highcountry ambassador...I gave plenty of dirty looks and "Phoenix sucks" as often as possible. It is good however that they all pretty much stay down in Schultz creek and so many "shuttling" up with their big "squishy" DH bikes. Pathetic creatons!
My work is done here...

I saw a ton of folks out in the woods this past weekend as well. Luckily for me, I had my trusty side kick The Jackass with me. And he's always down with heading as far away from the crowd as possible. Like miles and miles away.

Bonking? No problem, we've got the trails to ourselves. Run out of water? No, problem, look, no people way out here. Resorting to pushing your bike and contemplating suicide as an alternative to going on? No problem, nice and quiet on these empty trails.

Good times.


Wednesday, June 2, 2004
kaylani lei   I   tessa jonson   I   redhead for dave

Hot damn, it's fucking Wednesday already. I just got over the weekend, and we're already over the hump. Right on. I could stand to have more weeks like this in my life.

Is it as simple as the elimination of Monday? That evil whore, the dreaded beginning of the workweek, the fifth ring of hell which is Monday. Damn you to hell, Monday. May your shadow never darken my doorstep again.

All that and I'll see you in about five days.

Read this.

  From: Randy
Subject: Bush-Kerry
georgewbush.com
johnkerry.com
Hey Big J
A little observation here. Notice the "tone" of the two web sites. Kerry is dealing with the issues on his and ol' GWB seems to be concentrating on some good ol' fashion mudslinging (not to mention, not only does he NOT know how to wear a cowboy hat what's with the kids style hat he's wearing). Now even IF I was for Bush this would turn my ass off big time.
Funny, I kinda liked Bush at first, well HE managed to change all that for me.

Right vs. wrong, left vs. right. Sanity vs. Insanity. Drunk vs. Sober. Up vs. Down. What have you. It's enough to drive you to drink.

Make sure you check out ghostbike. I'm feelin' it. Maybe we should do that here?

More from the Big Dave chronicles.

  From: Big Dave
Subject: Bicycle safety...yawn, yawn and the latest news
Well, it's official. According to the pentagon, I'm not a conscientious objector. This was decided by a board of yahoos a year and one month from the date I applied. My commander won't reinstate my security clearance, so I get to finish off my last 3 months and 2 weeks with Operation Santa Claus. We have over 150 bikes ready for next year, and we've already given quite a few away. It's cool. I'm still racing (7th, 10th, and 10th at the NCS races so far) and I have plenty of leave time saved.

Word got out that I'm the hard core commuter at Ft. Bliss, so I was asked to give a bike safety class. I had a feeling I'd be speaking to the deaf, so I focused on how the driver should treat cyclists. The unit was the 31st Air Defense Artillery Brigade. These are the guys that were led into Iraq by the female Colonel that got all the hoopla press. I figure there were about a 1000 soldiers present for their safety day.

We had to meet in a gymnasium due to t-storms. So they split the unit up into groups of about 100. I had my little easel with some highlighted rules and stuff as well as my commuter machine. Some people slept, some chatted with others, and a few listened. I began to focus more and more on what could happen to them if they hit a cyclist. Texas actually has laws that really favor the cyclist, so I emphasized those laws.

At the end of the day...after 10 classes, a fire alarm, lunch, and a mid-class interruption by all the dumbasses that left their windows and tops down after lunch(a big storm rolled in)...my voice was like Stallone...hanging off a cliff...I was given an appreciation award signed by the deputy commander. Not that it's a big deal to me since I'm getting out, but the other soldiers that gave presentations were pissed. See, you only get promotion points if a full bird colonel or higher signs your award. The deputy commander is a light colonel. Oh well.

I left hoping that I'd made people more aware of cyclists. Sure enough, I received a few toots and waves on my way home. But what disturbed me even more was what happened the previous weekend during a huge on-post party sponsored by the army. That unit ended up with 4 dui's that afternoon. A big no no in the army. So is life.

Other news...I killed my hoop d' jour (the 89 aerostar with 258,000 miles on the original engine and tranny). Pulling our pop-up back from Big Bear was too much. We donated it to some church we know nothing about. Jen found a sweet F-250 diesel with a shell and she's flying out to Dallas next week to pick it up.

We'll jam the Benz up to Durango Sunday for the mtb race on Mon. Then Angel Fire. The next round of NCS's back east will be flight and rental. Shit man, I'm starting to enjoy this life.

A toast to higher gas prices....bring on the cyclists!!!

So you're not a conscientious objector, you're just wasting your time fixing bikes up for poor and unfortunate kids in the El Paso area.

Sounds like you're doing you duty to me. But, what the hell do I know? I'm just a pinko liberal commie mother fucker.

Whatever.

And you dun run that ride into the ground, my brother. I've got a Buick with 187 thousand on it, and I thought that was really something. I see now it ain't shit compared to what you managed to pull off in that, what was it, Hoop d' Jour?

How's it go, balm for the soul? Something like that anyway.

  From: loriphil
Subject: Re: B.C bike tour company
Hey man, if any of you guy's or girl's are itching to get out of the states. For a change of pace, check out rideandseekadventures.com we are based out of Nelson B.C. and offer some of the sickest biking around. Professional guides and a relaxed attitude. Come to Canada before Bush bombs us.
Peace.

I took one look at the photo gallery on that page and knew it was the real deal. Plus you can knock about a hundred bucks off the cost of the weekend trip if you're paying with crisp, green American Dead Presidents. Oh, I love a strong dollar.

  From: Bruce
Subject: Good link
badmofo.org/hl
It's to Justin Frankel's (the guy who invented WinAmp and got bought out by AOL for a ridiculous amount of $$--he went to the U of U here for awhile) brothers' blog. I like this quote: "I don't actually "self-identify as a "liberal".
I tend to be pretty vehemently anti-asshole, though." and this one:
"I was never in that mythical 'I'd have a beer with him' camp. He seems like a mean drunk anyway. Me, I'd rather have a toke with Gore."

Remember, johnkerryisadouchebagbutimvotingforhimanyway.com
Because he's not an asshole ; )

Back to my beer

I'll just leave it at that.


Tuesday, June 1, 2004
jelena   I   lesbians rule   I   what the fuck?

So much stupid shit happened last night at the White Trash party I don't even know where to start. I came out the corner swinging and took home the Whiskey Tango Crown. I rule.

I don't have any pictures yet, but I think that will be soon remedied as there were a lot of cameras poppin' out at the trailer.

Yes, I said trailer. What better way is there other than with a case of malt liquor, four coolers full of domestic cans and a couple bottles of rot gut in a trailer park?

There was talk of trying to tip the trailer over. I'm kinda sad we didn't get to give that one a try. I did find the keys to Millers scooter, but it's life was saved when Bensy but the kybosh on Fitty and me taking that little unit out for a spin.

Probably a good thing. I would've fucking up something. Probably myself and Fitty and the scooter.

Check it out, Nat Faulkner did some winning over the weekend. Good looking out.

And, yes, there was a race in the northland this weekend, the Summit Center Classic. I have some flimsy info on who won what, but I had better just wait a day and see if I can firm that one up a little bit. A quick check around the net didn't yield much in the way of results. Maybe tomorrow will bring a nice race report from one of my doochebag "friends".

And maybe not.

One thing I did hear was the Cat 4-5 group didn't quite follow the concept of a neutral zone at the turn around. Instead it was a rock and roll sprint that split the field. I know one Cat 5 rider who got pretty worked up about that little problem.

He feels the Cat 5 group should adhere to the standards put forth as Gentlemen's Racing.

A great concept, to be sure, but hard to actually realize in the course of a Cat 5 event where the word "gentleman" is usually replaced with "trainwreck".

Although, a quick word to the wise: Nothing good can come of pissing off the guy who owns the bar that is hosting the awards ceremony.

Think about that one for a minute. If you're coming out of nowhere to spring for 35th place after not taking a turn pulling at the front for the last 10 miles, you're not exactly making the people who make the race happen much to be happy about. More like giving them something to be angry about. The "people who make the race happen" may not be as accurate as saying the people who supply two dollar pints, but you catch my drift.

How'd ya like to see the entire Cat 5 field kicked out the bar and sent up the street to Maloney's?

Personally, I would have loved to see it. Because I'm an asshole, that's why.

I'm such fucking idiot, I rolled up on the party and left my car running. Yep, I said, left my car running. So, Big Pun did what anyone would do in that situation: He grabbed a girl and took off in my car.

I didn't see Pun or my car again for a few. No matter, but the whereabouts of my keys and/or Big Pun would suddenly become very important when it was time to go home.

A side note from a recent email: "check out the face of the guy in movie four."
moviesxxxfree.com/vs5164/vs5164hun.htm

What the fuck is up with that guy? I'm fucking terrified. I won't be sleeping tonight after that one, thank you very much.

A phrase gaining in infamy. Ah yes, once again I got to yell, "Pun down" as the resident drunkcyclist big man took a dive in the gravel Snake and Bensy call a lawn. A couple of times.

That bastard had no less than four forties in him and a generous helping of whiskey. This was white trash after all, and you if you can't get yourself good and falling down drunk, well, you ain't shit. I'm just glad this happened after he took my car out for a little joy ride action.

Speaking of falling down drunk, in another part of the world this weekend hosts the Moustache Party. An event, which from the looks of those pictures, was on par with Whiskey Tango.

  From: Steve
Subject: photos from the moustache party
The beginning of the end. In case you weren't there, I'm the guy on the ground…
monkeyview.net/id/192/friends/moustache/index.vhtml

Ah, good form Steve. I see you won and took a dive for the fans. Way to give it your all.

Loose the tie and you're all about Whiskey Tango.

And this is so fucked up I don't even know what to say about it.

Back to the party. I saw girls spreading cheese whiz on each other for a good part of the afternoon yesterday. You have any idea what that does to a balding man fresh out of prison with bad tattoos? That's right, it makes his blood boil.

I think I threw every can of beer I drank up on the roof of Snake and Bensy's trailer. I missed the roof a couple of times, but I went back and put the biscuit in the basket. Cause I care, that's why.

When it was time to drive my drunk as hell friend home ( I switched it up to water, soda, and sausage off the grill a few hours earlier ) I had no idea where Big Pun or my keys were. I never did find that bastard…

I did find my car, up the street a little from where I had left it running earlier in the afternoon. The windows were down and the doors were unlocked, but the keys were nowhere to be found.

I checked all the usual spots, ignition, floor, dashboard, ashtray, you name it. I had reserved myself to either walking home, or riding back on a borrowed bike to secure the spare keys, when Justin came up with a brilliant idea. "Think like a drunk idiot", he said.

The two of us went over the car again top to bottom. No keys. What the fuck did he do with them? And where the fuck did he go? It's like he's disappeared off the face of the earth. It's a God damn single wide trailer for fucks sake. There isn't that many places he could be.

I start walking back across the street to the party, thinking fuck all I should have just riding my fucking bike in the first place, when I stepped on my keys in the street.

I had already walked past them at least three times in the dark. And this time, by sheer stupid luck, I stepped on them. Fucking Pun. Leaving my keys in the street.

At least he didn't leave the car running.


 
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