|
|
|
Happy fucking New Year.
I can now see email for the first time in days. And, boy howdy, there
sure is a lot of it.
And then some.
I hear Snake is back in town and ready to drink. That ought to be
fun. I'm thinking Big Pun and I are about to fucking kill him.
It's a good thing Bush reads the casualty reports and knows "its hard
work", because Jack Shanaberger says, "I don't want to be a daddy because
daddies die."
Read the rest of that one here.
I've just dropped some coin on McAfee's new virus software and installed
Firefox from Mozilla. You see, I'm sick and fucking tired of having
my machine compromised every third day. Hopefully, this'll work wonders.
I'll get more into the email and so forth later. For now, it's time
to head out on the town and put back a few drinks. Happy New Year, everyone.
My computer is so bitched up right now I can't even find the words.
Talk about a dirty penis. This thing is Typhoid Friggin Mary at the
moment. Jesus, what happened?
I wonder if I'll be able to even get this online?
Ah, fuck it.
I simply cannot wait to go back to work tomorrow.
| |
From: Ted
Subject: Bush: hot or not?
Hi Jonny, I live in a small, really red-neck town in Central California.
This pic is of a friend of mine in front of some old guy's house
in town. The old guy looks like a typical Central Valley nazi but
is, apparently a little more enlightened than that. What do you
think, hot or not?
hotornot.com
oooxxx |
Hot.
| |
From: josh
Subject: no subject
i was reading through the Dictionary of Obscure Sexual Terms and
laughed my ass off, except you forgot one, my favorite, The Snowplow,
when you're doing your girl doggie style, make sure you're at the
end of the bed, right when she cums, smack her elbows out from her
and nail her as hard as you can pushing her head into the sheets
and pillows pushing them all to the head board, I.E. the snowplow,
classic party bang, when ya come down stairs and her face is all
red, everyone knows what happened!!!! good site and keep up the
drunkeness! and drink on |
Damn.
| |
From: marco
Subject: photo of george bush's knob?
popbitch.com/georgebush.jpg.
no reply needed - just link straight to it if you think you can
get away with it without getting shipped off to camp x-ray!!!
happy xmas |
Whoa.
Well, Merry Christmas. Click the pic for the vid.
I'll keep up with the links, offering up a couple more girls
for you looking for something with a little
more. And I got another email with more sexual terms. Some old ones,
some new ones & some pretty fucked up shit. Jim M. sent me a huge list
of what can only be called "obscure sexual terms". I made it it's own
webpage, and you can see it here.
Tonight, as it should be, I'm having ham. Big, fat, glorious ham.
For this webmaster is down with the other white meat.
War is over, if you want it…
Christmas. A time for giving. And beating
up Santa.
The more the Right Wing Bastards of my country make fun of Canada,
the more I like our brothers and sisters to the north. Check out this
article and video clip put together by Media
Matters on the insanity of Ann Coulter and Tucker Carlson.
| |
From: John Jameson Jingleheimer
Smith, Esq.
Subject: RE: Beer and rocks
Ho ho ho,
Anything that turns your 'nads red and green has a certain holiday
flair, does it not? As long as the buggers don't fall off and land
where the cat can get at 'em, I say life is good.
Many happy returns of the season to you and yours, especially
come January 8, when the pain cave will be open for bizniz. It
was 16 here today, with about four inches of the white stuff on
the deck and a stiff wind straight out of Odin's frozen arsehole,
so I decided to limit my physical activity to shoveling sidewalks
for the elders on the block, gift-shopping in 4WD for She Who
Is To Be Obeyed, and twisting the lids off four Guinnesses and
a bottle of Jameson's finest sidewalk-softener to toast the passing
of the Vomit Comet, my '83 2WD rice-grinder, which had the audacity
to croak on the solstice, the Nipponese piece of shit. What the
hell is the world coming to when a Toyota can't survive two decades
and 270,000-some-odd hard miles with a vicious drunk at the wheel,
lacking mechanical skills, short-term memory and moral fiber?
Buddha wept. And so did I.
Oh, yeah, and I broke down and bolted my oldest Steelman to
the wind trainer, which I retrieved from Weirdcliffe this past
weekend, since 16 is about as warm as it's gonna get tomorrow.
I will be sweating 80 proof in the basement tomorrow and cursing
the pagan Druidic gods who made me an evil fat bastard. |
Funny you should mention trainers and the pain of the household workout.
16 degrees you say? Well, what'd ya know? It's all of fucking 20-something
where with a colder than a witches tit wind that'll make ya drink Coors
Light and like it. I just rode back from work, bucking that bitch of
a wind the whole way. Sure, it's maybe two and a half miles, but it
sucked every inch of it.
It was even fucking snowing on me. Not nice, happy, bouncy flakes
of Christmas yore, but a biting, bitter, icy, painful barrage of little
bastards stinging and clawing at any exposed skin.
Now that I'm home, the sun is back out and the snow gone. For now,
anyway.
So, I was talking about the 'ol pedal for an hour and stare at the
wall trainer thingy when I started this mess of a letter. I'm considering
saddling up and pointing the trainer at some DVD I borrowed of Tyler
"I believe I'll have another quart of your finest" Hamilton's win at
Liege.
It ought to be good.
Christmas promises at least something decent as I'll be driving down
to Cave Creek to stay with the sister. At least it'll be warm there,
even if they do stock pour quality beer in the fridge.
Also, I too have recently endured the "pre-mature" death of an old
fiend. My 1991 Buick Park Avenue, with only 197,000 miles on her, was
stuck and killed by a 16 year old in Daddy's gigantic Chevy pickup.
We were unsure of the prognosis for a couple of days. After all, we
did drive it home. Sure the door won't shut unless you slam the ever
loving shit outta it, but that's about par for the course when you're
talking about a 1991 Buick Park Avenue with 197,000 miles on it.
Yesterday, the termination of life support was decided upon. That
car is totaled. No more pretending. No more beating around the bush.
The fat lady's singing, pal. Settle up your tab and get the fuck out.
Signed over the title this afternoon to some slick huckster in a cheap
suit. She's still sitting in front of the house right now, stripped
of her Thule roof rack, looking quite naked out there in the cold. I
even took the jumper cables, jug of antifreeze and quart of oil out
of the trunk. I feel like prying a few other things loose, but no matter.
I'll just wave as they drag her off into the sunset.
Kinda sad, in a way. That car and I have been though a lot. About
100,000 miles worth come to think of it.
| |
From: Jason
Subject: hey hey hey, happy fucking crimbo
How does the line go? long time reader first time mailer? It'll
do. Just wanted to pass on my regards for your fine and pretty much
tireless work at bringing value and some goodness to the sprawling
mess that is the internet and / or world politics. (I was going
to say US politics but we have mirrors this side of the pond too,
oh yes and it's a whole lot of ugly over here too so 'world politics'
it is.)
I noted with interest the sexual terms reference link and can
only describe my thoughts as that moment when you get the fifth
card in poker and it makes the royal flush - smug happiness all
round. So not to waste more of your time than is strictly necessary
I'll paste this little gem in:
milkinfirst.com/dictionary/profanisaurus.htm
Now THAT is a dictionary of sexual terms, not entirely sure
how some of it will translate but hopefully there should be some
amusement value regardless - oh and I reckon it would be funny
to hammer the guys bandwidth too :) Of course, now that I stop
and think (two paragraphs too late as ever) it occurs to me that
you've probably already seen the profanisaurus. Such is life.
|
Well, I had not seen it before. But it doesn't exactly help me figure
out exactly what in the fuck "froggy style" is. As in, this girl's
favorite position is froggy style. However, here is the entry I did
find:
frog n. A formidable blast from the spunk trumpet where
the ladies cheeks puff out like a bullfrog's.
Maybe not quite the same thing. Something lost in the translation?
Fun, I'm sure, for all parties involved. I can image what she must mean,
I'm just looking for a little clarification. Whatever.
| |
From: Eric
Subject: please share
hey man,
for some reason, I think your viewers might appreciate these links:
wickedweasel.com
(about 100 reasons to visit Australia)
and a really gnarly crash at cyclocross nationals this past
weekend:
bikemecca.com/crossnatz/day2/gallery3/3slide3.html
dude could use a snorkel.
keep up the good work. you are doing a public service. |
I've linked up Wicked Weasel before, but God damn I'll go it again.
Same with this next one.
| |
From: Chris
Subject: Sick and tied of h2's
Are you sick and tired of those douchebags driving around town in
their gas guzzling Hummers and H2's?
Get your well deserved revenge here:
fuh2.com |
Flip off a H2 this Christmas. It's the right thing to do. And, it's
fun.
Fun like having two girlfriends.
| |
From: Ruben
Subject: Riding and booty calls
Hey Big J, what it be like? Checking in from the state of TX and
have been reading the site for some time now and still get a kick
out of it. I turned my girlfriend onto the site, as well as my other
girlfriend. Now see, that's the problem; when I wasn't riding, I
didn't have a woman, let alone two of them. So I started riding
and WHAM! I'm smack dab in the middle of a hizoe sandwich. Now I'm
not complaining about all the tender loving I'm getting, not hardly.
What I'm complaining about is the lack of riding I'm getting; well
on the bike anyway. You see, it used to be I would drink a few brews
and then ride some, or ride some and drink a few brews. Now that
I have female flesh at my disposal, I'm still doing the drinking,
but less riding. It's funny too, neither of them were really too
keen on me riding until I rocked their worlds. I guess all those
century rides are paying off now. Another thing man, is that I can't
even get a descent nights sleep cause I get "the call" at 2 AM.
The other Saturday for instance, I was all cozy in my bed sleeping
hard when I hear the phone ring. Well, after some pleasant exchanges
and outlines of what was going to happen if I was to let her come
over, I said "Okay, what can it hurt?" That was at 3:00. By 7 o'clock
ride time I was literally spent! She sapped my mojo man, like a
blood sucking leach! I got out on the bike and managed a pathetic
30 minutes of riding before I called it off. Times are rough on
a brotha these days.... |
Does it count if I have one chick and a bottle of scotch? 'Cause that
shit'll fuck up next Tuesday's ride like nobody's business.
I'd call this a pretty major league oops.
Well, Merry fucking Christmas.
Celebrate the birth of baby Jesus. Buy stuff. And sit tight. With
a demented chimp at the helm, we simply cannot fail. Throw caution to
the wind and suck down shots of Jack Daniels & lines of coke with Jenna
and Barbara. Don't worry, Daddy's money will make everything work out
just fine. It's someone else's kids getting their ass shot off on the
other side of the world.
Maybe you should take a good hard look at what war
really looks like. It ain't some glammed up, take a ride out to
the aircraft carrier photo-op bullshit. It's the real deal.
Can you tell I'm stressed?
Tonight, I'm calling it: Fuck All.
There you have it.
Why hide behind the badge? Or, in this case, the keyboard, the monitor
and the last can of beer.
I'm fat, I'm out of shape, and the state race series starts in, what
is it now, ten days?
| |
From: Mr. Bradellaide
Subject: Buona Natale
Just spent $50 at the grocery store on the ingredients required
to generate no less than 7 kinds of sweet baked goods. That's the
last time Sheena's in charge of shopping for baking stuff. An hour
later I would be cursing at the world as I scurried around our apartment
trying to find a breath of oxygen as those very ingredients ignited
in the oven after we tried to alter the recipe to some chocolate
espresso cookies. Hey, a handful of this, a few cups of that, mix
it up, squeeze, push, into the oven it goes. Bam, all of a sudden
our house is practically engulfed in flames. A good waste of Late
For The Train espresso. Our cat Giovanni sat down near floor level
with plenty of clean air laughing at us. I could hear his high-pitched
spiteful tittering as I repeatedly ran into walls, Christmas trees,
doors and other solid objects while searching for some air. Oh that
cat, I should have him fixed. Oops, too late. How do you like me
now Giovanni?
So what to do with the charred remains of our cookies? Trash?
No, those were $50 cookies. A charitable donation? I'm listening...
We have several neighboring apartments inhabited by a fraternity.
Is there a place more unwelcoming and inhospitable than hell?
Yes, it's the 850 square foot apartment sandwiched between no
less than 5 adjoining frat houses. Hey...I live there! The attached
photo was taken just seconds before I ventured outside to apartment
207 to leave a nice Christmas gift on their doorstep. I hope they
like it, it really came from the heart. I hope they don't mind
the slight mingy taste caused by the pizza box they were cooked
on (which, coincidentally, also caught on fire...I'm no chemist
people, merely cross between boy and man!) We'll just call it
a friendly thank you for ralphing all over my bike lock.
Well, that sums up my adventurous night. I have 6 more recipes
to try tomorrow morning. Does anyone have somewhere I can live
for a few months after I burn down my apartment? I'd better go
and decide which library books to get everyone for Christmas.
The gift that keeps on giving...until they're due back. The public
library: America's best untapped holiday gift resource. |
You, sir, have caught the Christmas spirit. You know, where it is
far better to give than receive. As in, I'd rather be on the giving
end than the receiving end of your failed cookie experiment.
I fully expect to awaken tomorrow to a pile of poisoned pucks on my
doorstep from one Mr. Bradellaide tomorrow morning. Life is exciting,
is it not? And I seem to have bitched up your attached photo. Oh well.
Sue me.
At damn near two years old, this article still scares the fuck outta
me. Can you smell what Suskind
is cooking?
If not, you can just about smell the fear on me. The news on the economy
is good. And I'm happy about it. Really. I am. I want this country to
kick ass. Not like invade and beat up and rob and kill. But, a strong
economy is a good thing as far as I'm concerned. And now that things
are on the upswing, all the glory goes to Bush.
When things were bad, even three and four years into this fucking
trainwreck Presidency, anything bad was all about Clinton. He did it.
He fucked us. He tanked the economy, he opened the way for terrorists.
Ah fuck it. Why bother. We got four more years with the drunken sailor.
I might as well see what happens. Might even be fun.
At least we'll still have football.
Yeah right. With Owens all bitched
up I'm doomed to watching the Eagles tank a fourth consecutive Championship
game. This is as bad as bad can get for a Philly fan. I pretty much
feel like I just got kicked in the nuts by some asswipe in a Steelers
jersey.
God damn it.
Rumsfeld sucks donkey dick. There. I said it. Hate me if you want.
But I ain't some kind so fucking assclown like that guy. The fucker
used a machine to sign
the letters that went out to the family of Iraqis dead soldiers
instead of signing them himself.
| |
From: John S.
Subject: no subject
You may have already seen this, but i thought it would be very appropriate
for DC. be sure to click on the "offended?" link.
load.pquinn.com/binaries/fries
|
Oh my. An oldy and a goody. Fuck, I must have seen that for the first
time something like four years ago. And I still laugh like hell whenever
I hear it.
Hell, even my dog likes it. She was laying on her side, banging her
tail on the ground in time to the demented ravings. Oh, it was quite
the Christmas moment.
And I'm glad to have shared it with you all.
Wow.
That transcript took a damn long time to read. And it was worth it.
Is your vocabulary of sexual terms not quite what it could be? Well,
this glossary
could really help you out.
The guy that sent me the link said his favorite was ATOGM.
Can't say it's not a fine thing.
How fucked are the Mormons? Really fucked.
Don't you just love the Republican tendency to go negative in a campaign. Good work on that one.
Something about big ass titties.
Ok, I'm out of here for a few days. Catch ya on the flip side…
Another night of tromping around on darkened ski slopes. Good old
snowshoes. Tonight I borrowed a nice pair from Froh. Ah, my legs are
wasted. K. Noble is in town tonight, I got a phone message a from a
while ago. I figure he's no longer where he was then. Undoubtedly off
to another bar down the road. Maybe tomorrow night then. We can pour
liquor on the floor for all the bike companies that aren't as cool as
Kona.
Word.
I got an email about thick girls. See the above links for a demonstration.
See below email for an explanation.
| |
From: Bruce Lee
Subject: thick girls
johnny=-
i've been laughing and entertained from your site from day one.
the only thing i ask from you... put some thick bitches on there.
what is this anorexic bull shit that you have there? i know we cyclists
are all fit and all of that, but can you get some pics of girls
that you cant see their rib cage? i am not talking about some BBW
shit, i dont want to move a mountain of fat to find the cave of
gold. i am just talking about some women who have junk in the trunk,
badunk a dunk. and they dont look like this albino somalian:
hostedgalleries.hegre-archives.com/hosted/h2809041/index.php?wmid=581248
that you put up today.
body type? think serena williams.
get those girls who actually cycle, then at least they would
have some thighs and ass..
thanks and keep up all the good work. |
Maybe that one was a little on the thin side. She looks like a friggin
drug addict. But, some guys like that shit. I aim to please. So, Serena?
Like this?
I still think this
girl is hot as hell. I'm all about throwing a bone.
I'm here to help.
| |
From: Erik
Subject: Bicycle Film Festival Call for Entries
Remember that cool AZ bicycle film fest you dug a few months back?
Well, for the 5th year in a row, we are putting together the Mother
Of All Bicycle Film Festivals here in NYC, and this year it is going
world wide!!!
Now is the time we are getting the films together, and we need
everyone's help. If you have some great footage or know someone
who does, get them to send it over!
Bicycle Film Festival Call for Entries
-----------
The Bicycle Film Festival is seeking submissions for its fifth
annual Festival. The event will feature dozens of different films
on a variety of bicycle styles - from BMX to alley cats, cycling
to commuting. The 2004 festival was a great success with many
sold out showings. This year's festival is larger then ever before
and will have showings in New York, Los Angles, San Francisco,
Tokyo, and London! Many hot new films will premiere, and there
will be appearances from many of the top pros and personalities
in the cycling and film community.
We encourage YOU to submit films with these guidelines to enter:
All lengths. Short is great. All genres: animation, narratives,
docs, experimental, Hollywood, cycling, and so on. The festival
is more then films, it also features music, parties, fun bicycle
parade, and art exhibitions.
To find out more, please visit, bicyclefilmfestival.com
If you would like submit a film visit: bicyclefilmfestival.com/2005/submissions.html
The deadline for submissions is February 18, 2005. |
Well, rock out with your cock out. Here is a write
up of the Colorado Cross Series with a fine pic of our man Big
Tex Tullous.
I'm cashed. Good night.
There's nothing like just getting out there on the bike, feeling the
wind in your face, checking out the trails.
You know what I mean?
So, I get this link to a word counter program. I guess "many bloggers will want to
analyze the writing on their blogs."
Fuck it. I checked my site. Here is how it broke down:
fucking 23 times.
racing 14 times.
drinking 5 times.
Go figure.
Could be worse I suppose.
Like this next email…
*Note: This is a joke. Please try and refrain from sending 23,000
emails about how much of a dick this guy is. We all already know he's
a dick. In fact, he himself knows he's a dick. That's why he sent the
fucking email in the first place.*
| |
From: Wallace Forpresi
Subject: You cyclists are pussies
My friend told me about your gay-assed web site. He wasn't kidding.
A bunch of faggots, scooting around in spandex, looking a nudey
pictures like a bunch of grade schoolers. When the balance of normal
people don't embrace your fruity lifestyle, you whine about it.
But you are big men because you drink and shave your legs?
Then there's of this crap about SUV's being bad. I love my SUV
check it out navistar.com/assets/pdf/7300%20CXT%20SS.pdf
I am proud to drive it because it supports the American economy.
It drives like a dream and hauls my speedboat and quads with ease...
Am I obligated to share the road with your cant ride in a straight
line asses? Hell no! Keep your toys on the sidewalks where they
belong. Furthermore, when one of you gets creamed, you act surprised.
What's that about? You know you had it coming for playing in the
street. Also, you dumb asses are actively diverting money from
the highway funds for bike lanes of all things? Don't you want
your granola bars and gatorade to show up via BIG RIG and your
trash to be hauled away? Bicycles are like dinosaurs, they were
edged out by the superior species, the automobile. Face it, your
little bike fad is over.
Maybe you guys should grow up. Get real jobs. Stop whining about
Bush keeping you down. America is the land of opportunity. Start
at the bottom, work your way up and be somebody!
Embrace American values and lifestyle. Stop trying to be different
and special. And most importantly stop being gay.
Sincerely,
Wallace Forpresi |
Yee haa.
I'm gonna wrap this up with a race report from Big Tex up in Portland.
He got 16th in the elite men.
| |
From: Jason Tullous
Subject: National Championships
Thanks to Drunkcyclist and Voodoo Cycles, I traveled many miles
to Portland to race in the race of races for cyclocross---the National
Championships. This is a chance for anyone who has a bike, a desire,
and two twenty dollar bills to race for a place in history as the
Cyclocross National Champion of the USA. No George Bush here but
I didn't see anyone complaining.
I get there the day after Portland received 3 inches of rain
but I break out the Voodoo Wazoo and do a couple of practice laps.
It only took me half a lap to realize that this was going to be
the mud fest it was hyped up to be, but I did two laps to make
sure. Yep. I was a muddy mess and my bike already barely shifted
gears with a mud/leaf mixture clinging to everything bike and
human. I watched a few laps of other riders to see if any secrets
were unveiled. Basically, I got that no lines existed and you
just needed to ride hard and fast. If you couldn't ride, then
you ran. Remember the faster you go the smoother it gets. Page
was there, too, putting in many hot laps. He could be tough to
beat.
I rode back to the hotel stopping at the dollar store. I bought
some rags, soap, brushes, and peanut butter(couldn't pass up the
$1 peanut butter). At the hotel, I made the bath tub into my personal
bike wash station. That was interesting and after 3 days in this
room, it was a mud disaster.
On Saturday, I created my own cross course at a nearby park
to do some clean hot laps and prime the engine. That went well
except for an untimely flat. No worries. I finished up the day
by watching the U23 race. Good race but still it looked to be
more of a track meet than a cross race. After that race, I had
dinner at the Burrito House---awesome. These guys saw me all three
nights. For $6 you could get a well stuffed bean and cheese burrito
with guacamole. Then they added honey drenched sopapillas for
you like chips and salsa. This along with a tall Black Butte Porter
set me right for Sunday's race.
Sunday, I awoke to 40mph gust winds, some sunshine and no rain.
I chomped on some bagels with peanut butter and finished it off
with the usual prerace smoothie. As I was warming up, I saw the
end of the women's' race. Congrats to Katie on a job well done.
It's about that time so I make my way to the staging area. Course
looks good and more ridable than the previous days. The mud has
dried a little. There is a definite line around most of the course.
On the way to the start, I met up with some "Evil" guys that
stickered up my bike. This is going to fun. They are calling up
the top 50 with UCI points and then by bib number. I'm wearing
number "69" thanks to Big Jonny calling in a favor to the race
promoter? I don't know if that's true but that was the rumor going
around the pits. Everyone thought it fitting that I race the number.
Anyway, I'm thinking 69 is good considering I'm seeing guys with
105, 106, etc.. Before I know it, the call up guy is rushed by
the gang of cross racers. It's still not too bad. I can't see
the front but I'm not at the back.
So, I'm next to few guys I know and I'm telling them a story
before the start. All the sudden, I get interrupted by everyone
taking off. The race had started and I'm telling a fucking story.
I never even heard "1 minute" or a start gun. So here we go. We
get to the first mud section and run-up. I'm laughing at situation.
We're back here walking like a herd of cattle off to the slaughter
house while the lead group is off and racing. Back on the bikes
and to the next mud pit. We're back to running. A guy goes down
in front of me. I pile into him and others pile into me. Quickly,
we had a nice 4 bike pile surrounded by guys moving forward and
crowds yelling and ringing their cowbells. This is racing and
I'm loving every moment. We get untangled and I ride as far as
I can before dismounting again. By the end of the first lap, I
probably had ran about half of it and I'm interested to know how
much time I had lost to the leaders.
On lap two, most everyone was spread out enough to really start
moving forward. I started passing anywhere I could. I kept passing
guys on a regular basis. After 4 laps I started to see some of
my usual competitors like T Brown. Then I made it my goal to catch
him. I caught up with him with 4 laps to go. We stayed together
moving forward for a lap but then he went down putting his knee
into his bladed spokes--ouch! I passed a few more guys after that
including Johnny Sundt----this guy did not want a drunkcyclist
rider passing him. He tried blocking and pushing me to the outside
of some corners but once I got past him, he had no chance. I went
on to finish strong and not get lapped. I had no idea what place
I finished. I headed straight for the bike wash for a cleaning
of my bike and me. By this time, I was freezing and departed for
the comforts of my hotel. Come to find out I had placed 16th.
Not bad but I really wanted a top 10. The promoters did get my
name right but for some reason not my sponsor.
I had a blast and everything worked for me. I never needed a
bike change---good thing because I only had one bike. The crowds
were the best I've ever experienced. The crowds were 4 deep in
some places yelling for you to go harder and ringing their cowbells.
When you enter the muddiest section the crowds were the deepest
along with a drum line sounding the celebration of it all. Beer
flowed OK. The raceway folks got a little bent on the racers bringing
their own kegs. You gotta love the cyclocross atmosphere.
Thanks again to Drunkcyclist, Voodoocycles, and Michelin tires
for your help and I look forward to doing it again next year.
Until the next time, its time to drink many beers. |
Beer. What a good idea…
My wife just said, "I guess you're a math whiz after all." I tell
you later why I'm so friggin brilliant all of the sudden.
Whenever I hear the word "wiz", I think not of taking a piss like
most men, but of a crappy
70's movie I saw once. It was great, it had Richard Pryor, Michael
Jackson (pre-whitened), Phylicia Rashad, Lena Horne and Diana Ross.
Un-fucking-believable piece of crap on roller skates.
I curse the day I watched it. And, now, I'm thinking of it yet again.
And, I'm marinating in my own juices.
A couple of email in this vein. I'll go with this one because it's
the shortest and that means I have to cut and paste even less stuff.
Yep. Do it now. Fuck a bunch of censorship.
Also check out disobey
2, disobey
, and disobey
4.
Another in the classic department.
| |
From: Stuart
Subject: A laugh
Hey, love it down here in NZ, but am shitted about your election
result,
still that's old news,
here's a bit of a laugh.
tits.free6.com
Cheers |
Man, I just love me some Sydney Moon.
Yep. I'm laughing.
| |
From: el serracho
Subject: love me some jesusday!
Yes that's right honey, nothing makes my heart warmer during this
holiday season that to sit around the fireplace thinking about the
military industrial complex and our god given right to invade other
countries and steal their natural resources. So let's remind the
entire neighborhood of the true reason for the season.. men with
guns.
sacbee.com
|
That is really and truly some fucked up shit.
This next bit is all over the news,
radio, blogs, whatever. It just sucks ass. Read it below.
"George Tenet, the man who presided over the intelligence failure
that allowed 9/11 to happen, who falsely gave the White House cover
for the war with Iraq by giving the White House "slam dunk" evidence
of Saddam's WMD stockpiles, and who is pictured above, received
the Presidential Medal of Freedom today, along with Tommy Franks
and Paul Bremer.
The few in the Bush administration who were right about Iraq have
been shown the door, while those who were most wrong kept their jobs,
got promoted, or are now getting awards."
Well, that fucking sucked. Let's send this one out with a bang, shall
we?
| |
From: Dave
Subject: 2004 'cross nates report
Location: 2004 Cyclo Cross Nationals - Portland, OR
Weather: Portland Grunge
Juan Grande,
Just back from the final bash of mud, blood, and beer, AKA the
biggest domestic 'cross race of the year, held at the Portland
International Raceway. You have probably read all the results
at (velonews.com)
or (cyclingnews.com)
websites, so I'm sending some drivel to round out the story for
those of you not able to be there.
First off, from the trenches, here's a report from my man AGN
Joe, a poor working stiff, who, although he had a real running
career back in the day with a sub-4 minute mile, still feels the
need to compete as a hacker on the bike:
"I couldn't get up to Portland in time for the 45+A race on
Friday, so I made do with riding the Open B race on Sunday. That
meant a big field of young guys, but at least I'd get to try to
redeem myself for last year's DNF, where I had a flat tire with
a lap and a half to go. The course was twisting, alternating from
grass to mud, with a little asphalt at start finish. The mud was
as thick as Jethro Tull's Brick. Not soupy, sales, but sticky
Carrie-reaching-up-from-the-grave-to-grab-you mud."
"The field was about 120. Huge. Most CX fields feel big with
20 guys in them. I started in the 8th of 12 rows. We got good
speed on the opening straight, but the traffic kept you from making
any big moves, and I felt fine. But then we hit the mud and I
went into deep OD doo-doo. But so did everyone else. Instead of
racing, must of us were just struggling to move. Not much passing.
Lots of running. At about 2.5 laps Stella started to give me my
groove back and I was able to ride more of the course - picking
better lines, getting more momentum into climbs, etc. Then with
a lap and a half to go, the mud buildup in my chain and gears
pulled my rear derailleur off. Dang. Out with a mechanical, just
like last year. After a minute of brooding I remembered something:
Dynamo Dave put his Morati with Trixie's pedals on it in the pit
for me! I slung the Felt over my shoulder, ran about 700 yards
to the Pit, and got on the other bike. I finished! Hurray for
Capt. Spaulding. 77th. Tired, cold, and covered in mud, but glad
I got one in the books."
Joe is da' man. And Felt put a new derailleur hanger on for
him gratis after the race - bravo tech support!
Some juicy gossip for ya JG: Some honchos from the UCI were
at the race this weekend. Seems that the Portland Cross Crusade
has broken international records for participants. They consistently
have over 300 people racing on any given weekend and have had
631 riders on their best day. Nowhere else in the world is there
such a large number of amateurs racing 'cross at a single day
event. The UCI talked to the Crusade people about the possibility
of holding the World's in Portland, possibly in 2009. The UCI
wants the Crusade folks to put on a World Cup race first to see
what they can do. With 15 years experience putting on quality
races, the Cross Crusade people have the skill and knowledge to
pull off a World Championship race. This is some serious stuff,
and by Saturday night the Crusade people had the $40-a-bottle
bourbon out to celebrate - I was in the right place to share the
love that night!
Speaking of drinking, the Portland Raceway people are weenies,
and you can quote me on that. The racing brothers and sisters
were doing it up right this year. Chris King was there with his
posse, cooking free pancakes for all comers on a big grill, and
pouring hot strong black French Roast coffee for all comers. A
number of teams, including Guinness Stout and Mountain Cycle,
had beer kegs on board, and were giving beer to anyone over 21
who cared for a frosty. They started pouring early and went 'till
dark on Friday, just like the good lord intended. When word got
out, this giving of free food and drink did not sit well with
the Raceway people, who had a food commissary and full wet bar
going - hard to sell stuff others are giving it away for free.
So Sunday the Raceway weenies shut down all the freebies. Many
of us went underground, with our kegs and brandy stashed well
back under the muddy wheels in the race wagon. Heads-up to race
promoters: Figure out how to let the good industry love flow -
its cold work watching a muddy 'cross race!
The race headquarters was at the Jantzen Beach Double Tree hotel,
which has a sister-hotel just a few hundred yards away. The bulk
of the racers stayed in these two hotels lending a fun atmosphere
to the post-race scene. Remember, up in Portland the sun sets
about 4:30, so its important to have a safe redoubt to clean the
bikes, repair broken stuff (heaps of broken aluminum derailleur
hangers), and hit the happy hour. The Double Tree provided good
outdoor bike washing stations and was very happy to have us crowd
into the bars. The collegiate gang was holding pizza parties in
the basement halls and the swanker industry types were eating
steaks in the dining room, but it was all about the mud love,
from Wednesday through Sunday night. Wisely, the Cross Crusade
people recruited MacTarnahans Ale (ratebeer.com)
as a major sponsor. MacTarnahans was a staple of the prize lists,
and the winners shared it liberally with mud people, no matter
what the placing.
The Double Tree gave a downstairs conference room to a couple
of young lads have produced a first-rate cyclocross art movie
called "PURESWEETHELL". The film is shot on film with Super 8
and then digitized. The style is sort of film noir dark, with
a bit of WWII war footage graininess for realism, and the wobbly
hand held bits gave me the whirlies as I was already looped. I
had been getting into the Wild Turkey Barrel Aged bourbon with
Brad the promoter, after already consuming my share of free beer
at the race, so watching the movie had me holding onto my girlfriend
for steadiness. I digress. The film is narrated by some top racers,
and shows footage from races all over the US and the world championships
too. It's a bit like a surf movie, in that it has long sequences
of the athletes doing their stuff with only music backing the
film, which generally works if you are into bikes and racing.
If your mother watches the film it will just confirm her opinion
that you hit your head one time to many falling out of the crib.
The filmmakers are looking to make a DVD soon, so look for this
in the future as a motivator for your indoor workouts. I hate
to hear you whine about how cold it is in Flagstaff - get real.
Trixie and I worked in the pits on Sunday for the Elite Men's
race and believe me the MacT helped us get those bikes clean and
ready for an exchange every lap. Although the temp was in the
low 20s with the wind chill, we put on our full rain suits and
went to work. It was hectic working in the pit area - during the
first few laps the riders were exchanging bikes several times
per lap so we could clean off the fiercely sticky mud. We toiled
for our man Double Dean who rides for custom builder Mike DeSalvo
(desalvocycles.com)
. An interesting energy exists in the pit area, where the mechanics
and support people are almost as competitive as the riders, at
least for the first few laps. My pit-partner Trixie and I lined
up early and got a good spot on the line for the first set of
exchanges. Right before the gun sounded some burly types started
elbowing their way in front of us and blocking our exchange line.
I was about to start getting mouthy when I noticed that these
big dogs were working for luminaries such as Johnnie Page (winner)
"Treefarm" Ryan Trebon (2nd), and Marc Gullickson, Barry Wicks,
and Todd Wells. We gave respect where it was due - our guy was
looking for a top 20 placing, so we got the hell out of the way
when they were doing their bike exchanges. The Kona mechanics
were the gnarliest - they brought their own gasoline-powered pressure
washer into the pit area, and you damn well stayed away from their
spray. At 40 degrees with a fierce wind blowing the last thing
a pit monkey needs is a wet face. Heads up to aspiring riders:
The frequent bike exchanges made by the Pros seemed to minimize
broken derailleur hangers like those that occurred in the lower
category races where riders did not have back-up bikes. It's also
a good idea to practice your exchanges before the race. Trixie
caught the bike and I handed up each time, and DD never lost time
in the exchange area, so we were pleased as pickles, and rewarded
ourselves with a hot cider and brandy as soon as the race was
over.
As you know my business is called Showers Pass Clothing. I had
big banners on my tent saying, "Showers Pass". Quite a number
of cold, muddy, racers came over and asked me for a pass to the
showers. Sadly, the only shower at the race were the garden hoses
spraying cold water being used to wash the bikes in the pit area,
and a number of riders had to wash there. By contrast, the Death
Ride, a 130 mile July epic in the Sierra Nevada, hires mobile
shower trucks for the riders to clean up at the end of their day.
These shower trucks are commonly used for crews fighting forest
fires, and I bet they would be available in winter, as fire season
is long over. I suggest that race promoters of any major 'cross
race should get these shower trucks to come to their event - it
would be essential for a World Cup race, as the Pro athletes have
to protect their health. Danielle Pontoni noted in PURESWEETHELL
that he liked racing in the USA, but that we lack compared to
the Euros in the shower department. Lets see if our brothers on
the east coast can do it right for next years Natz : keep the
free beer flowing and give the cold muddy riders a decent place
to clean up when they are done racing. |
Can't remember linking this one before, beer
lover cam, but I sure might've at some point. Who can remember the
last four years?
Four thousand beers?
| |
From: White Turkish Van
Subject: FOR SALE - 4 years of your LIFE
big jonny put my bid at $1501.01...do you take Paypal? |
You sir, are today's leading bid.
Aside from asking "Who the hell is White Turkish Van?", our man on
the street has this to say:
| |
From: Doroteo
Subject: let me clarify myself
Ummm,
I dunno what to say. I'm back in Mex City and I swear I just felt
an earthquake. This is not my first choice of places to pass a natural
disaster. As for my previous statements about our Fearless Leader,
I think we are in a position much like Argentina in the late sixties.
Many folks are using the swastika and Nazism to describe what's
happening. I believe our other American "cousins" offer a more apt
comparison. Things are gonna get worse. If people need "looking
into" it's just a matter of time before they start to "disappear".
We may become so distrustful of our own political system we invite
the military to sort things out. It won't be a good time to state
you opinion honestly. There's been a lot of talk of culture wars.
Really what it is, is a dichotomy between culture and rank superstition.
Look what happened to Europe when the Church grew there. They dropped
into barbarism. It was only during the Reformation that they threw
off the Church and entered an Enlightened era. Look around the world
today. Where are the purest shit holes? Places where the Church,
or at least religion dominates. Don't look to me for answers. If
you attend a church, fine. If you want to bring your religious beliefs
to the political table I will fight you tooth and nail. Freedom
of religion also means freedom FROM religion. I really was joking
about our old pal Lee Harvey. Our problems are much more serious
and complex than any simple fix. We're gonna have to work together
honestly and with goodwill to pull ourselves outta this fix we've
allowed the privileged to put us in. The problem isn't THEM. It's
US |
We're becoming more like Argentina in more ways than one. Check out
this article by Paul
Krugman.
Couple of new sites for ya: big
mouthfuls, bang
bros worldwide, and big
tits, round asses. Have at 'em boys.
| |
From: Matt
Subject: work clothes
Fuck the FCC. I kinda doubt they would let this commercial, or 'advert'
as our cheeky friends from across the pond call them play over here.
Shame, I would have run out and bought everything they sell.
scruffs.com/hardcore.asp
|
Fuck yeah. I'd rock that shit. In a hot minute.
And, after watching that, I'm seriously considering a new career pushing
a wheelbarrow. Looks like the most fun you could possible have between
the hours of nine and five.
Or, six and two.
Think spoofing the suits at Dow Chemical sounds like fun? Say hi to
The
Yes Men. Good on ya, boys. You made art today.
And, this winter season, lets all blue.
| |
From: Steevee
Subject: Vote you're your $$$
Dood,
Check this out! If you're not satisfied with the election results
(and who is???) try voting with your wallet:
buyblue.org
Merry Christmas |
Don't denigrate Kwanzaa.
Where the fuck did that line come from? Maybe a few too many miles
this weekend, eh, tubby? Maybe a chocolate bar to get your blood sugar
back in line?
Jesus.
Is the reason for the season.
Whatever.
If you're like me, and you probably are, you can't imagine anything
more asinine than the Young College Republicans in places like Boulder,
Colorado. These guys and girls are about as diametrically opposite to
anything I believe on almost any topic. Check out their frustration
at the anti-bush street art on the CU
campus.
And they've even got a message board that looks every bit as lame
and boring as the one I used to have. If you like trolling the boards
picking fights with rich kids who voted for Bush, click here.
If you'd rather look at a cutie, click here.
Shout out: Gotham Bikes in NYC.
| |
From: Richard
Subject: 6 pack bicycling
I work with a guy who 6 pack fishes. He buys a 6 pack of beer when
he goes fishing and when its gone he goes home. I figure you set
the rollers up in the living room and have a cooler with a 6 pack
in it where you can reach it. You start riding and drinking and
stop riding when you run out of beer. It'll keep you off the barstool
and give you some exercise. LOL |
I like your style.
And, you know, I've done something quite similar in the past. But,
it involved pints of Guinness. Anything to ease the pain, right?
I've even heard of guys who watch porn while on the trainer. My problem
is all the porn I see is on the internet. Not really a problem until
you try to set up a set of rollers in front of this piece of shit I
call a desk. Let's just say there ain't a lot of room in this place
and leave it at that, shall we?
| |
From: Joseph
Subject: spaceman bicycle flask holder
greetings big jonny -
My name is joseph and some time ago i came up with an idea for a
little gadget that you might be interested in. it's a bicycle mounted
cage that holds a surly (or any other 6 oz.) whiskey flask. attached
are a couple of pics, or you can see it on the website through the
link below. surly has a review of it on their blog, and it's popped
up here and there around the electronic world. every proper rider
needs one of these, needs a couple since six ounces really just
isn't enough. would you be interested in spitting out a few words
about it on your site? That'd be cool. |
Yeah, that'll work just fine. Ride loaded just like the pros. Staying
with the theme, check out this next email.
| |
From: Phil
Subject: SLO bike freaks
Hey Big Jonny, if for some reason you ever find yourself in San
Luis Obispo Ca. be sure to check out our local "bike happening".
Here's the deal, on the first thursday of every month, a couple
of hundred riders meet at the mission plaza downtown at 9:30pm,
do a few laps around town, and then head to a deserted side street
to partake in some bike sumo. After that mess, it's off to hang
out and drink at Central Coast Brewery till midnight or so, then
when they kick us out, it's off to the bars. It's sorta like a critical
mass, but not really. We leave the left lane for cars, and it's
more a social thing then a political protest thing. Lot's of weirdos,
cute college girls, and crazy homemade bikes. Here's a link to a
page of photos I took from the last two times, and i'll be posting
new ones each month, in case anybody wants to check it out.
groups.msn.com/AWarthogseyeview
|
Looks like fun. Bike and booze. A winning combination.
| |
From: Justin
Subject: No Subject
Big Johnny,
You fat liberal ass fucker. God bless you and may he strike down
your enemies with a mighty fist - or something like that.
I don't know shit about much, but I know this - elvesandmore.com
is the shizznik, as the kids these days say. Lots of bikes, no
helmets (...cause they're silly and kids don't use 'em...), and
a bunch of volunteers. Look it up, read a little.
By the way, I'd better see your lazy ass there -- I live in
Indiana and my buddy and I are driving to Texas to build bikes
- that's right, we're taking a day off of chasing coeds to help
little kids... get in your car you fat fuck and burn some of that
precious oil that GW is so fond of.
If you can find it your heart, and you see fit to post this
email on that crappy little webpage of yours - include this ---
John, my buddy going to Texas with me, needs to stop fucking that
skanky bitch, Amanda. |
I know it's going to cause trouble, but how could I not post that?
Joel, get off the babysitter…
| |
From: PCGreg
Subject: Two are better than one…
Big J,
Only the best damn email I ever received (today anyway...). It only
puts the scent of the Holiday Season in the air.....
mangl.at
|
Funny you should say it's the best damn email you received today.
It was also the best damn email I received today.
| |
From: Jonathan
Subject: Bill Moyers - Global Environment Citizen Award acceptance
That giant sucking sound must be the Rapture.
Coming from Bill Moyers, this freaks me out extra big.
alternet.org
|
Somebody hold me…
Here is a link to one of those fucking rapture
index deals. This one calls itself the "The prophetic speedometer of
end-time activity".
Uh huh. What next?
| |
From: Joe B.
Subject: DOROTEO was just kidding!
I in contrast feel that Mr. Doroteo was a bit light on the chimp.
I feel that following would be more fitting; Force the chimp to
live in the projects and take public transportation to work every
day, in Washington DC no less. After putting in a few hours at the
oval office nothing would be more fitting for the shrub than getting
his ass kicked on the way home to his roach infested lean-to that
he resides at. Perhaps his experience with using cocaine and driving
drunk would come in handy there? No more lengthy vacations at the
ranch or the camp. How about he spends weekends at Ricers Island
as a guard or counselor to those of questionable values. Lets reduce
his rate of pay to what he would be eligible for with public assistance
or social security for that matter. Lets ship his daughters off
to Iraq to do their first of many risky supply runs in clapped out
unarmored army trucks and call them traitors if they so much raise
an eyebrow about a thread bare tire or a better equipped halliburton
employee making 10 times the pay. Then christen them with fecal
infused insurgent beatings at the fabulous abu garib prison camp
only after making them swear a blood oath of secrecy. At home make
Chimpie's wife star in a reality show with Cheney's lesbian daughter
and a house full of obese, unwed, suicidal, pregnant women, and
of course Martha Stewart cameos. Top the shrub off with a case of
the flaming monkey pox and a DUI that his daddy can't fix. That
sounds about appropriate! Indeed,
Response's Evil Twin |
In case that didn't do it for ya, I've got this offering from across
the pond.
| |
From: Heff
Subject: El President
Why are y'all so scared?
Fuck it, I'll kill him. have a whip round, get me an armalite
and a plane ticket: I can be back in the UK before anyone finds
out. they'll be so busy looking for some dude witha dodgy accent,
a turban and an unpronounceable name they wont even look at the
english whitefish with the cheshire cat grin:
"Anything to declare?
"Intent"
Bwahahaha.
ya think the UK would extradite me? Me, I'm going for being
knighted : I think I'd get favourable odds. |
You see what I started? I post one little email, and this is what
happens to my inbox…
I love you guys.
George W. Bush: Mistaken.
How many more have to die?
Tonight I stumbled around the Snowbowl ski resort in the dark on a
set of snowshoes I got for five dollars. The shoes behaved as one would
expect a five dollar snow shoe to behave: Poorly.
But for that kind of money, I'm way ahead of the game.
Walking up ski runs in the dark is one hell of a workout. I'm about
a tired as I could be at the moment. And, if I thought going up was
hard, going down is a mother fucker. All that deceleration over and
over again. Jesus. My legs were on fire.
I imagine I'll be asleep in about 15 minutes…
Hello madam, here is my card.
Yee haa Utah.
I guess I've finally made it.
| |
From: funhouse
Subject: drunkcyclist.com
Hello,
Are you willing to sell drunkcyclist.com to me.
I am starting a new business and thought this would be a good name.
I'm making an offer of 1500 USD. please let me know.
Thanks for your time. |
Four years of my life for $1500.
Lemme think about it and get back to you.
| |
From: m a t
Subject: Herman Georing
Hey,
Just to let you know it's Herman Georing not Herman Georing.
The Reich Air Marshall also said:
"Of course the people don't want war. But after all, it's the
leaders of the country who determine the policy, and it's always
a simple matter to drag the people along whether it's a democracy,
a fascist dictatorship, or a parliament, or a communist dictatorship.
Voice or no voice, the people can always be brought to the bidding
of the leaders. That is easy. All you have to do is tell them
they are being attacked, and denounce the pacifists for lack of
patriotism, and exposing the country to greater danger."
-- Herman Goering at the Nuremberg trials
snopes.com/quotes/goering.htm
I think you may like that quote. |
I stand corrected.
| |
From: Yrjo
Subject: People's Choice Awards Nominates "Fahrenheit 9/11"
as "Favorite Film of ...
Big Jonny,
Just thought you might like to post this one. I voted for his movie,
then just bullshitted my way through the rest of it. What better
way to piss off the Right-wing Middle-America, than to give Michael
Moore another outlet through which to lambaste the #1 Republican't,
Karl Rove's finger puppet, George W. Bush. God it hurt just to type
that damn name! |
If you liked Fahrenheit 9/11, you can vote for it over at the
peoples choice awards. If the film wins, Micheal Moore promises
"to give a nice and polite speech."
Yeah. I'll bet he will.
| |
From: Aaron
Subject: finals week
It's finals week and somewhere out there people are studying furiously
and worrying over their grades, not burping up chocolate-chip brownies
and lounging on drunkcyclist.com. Matter of fact, a whole lot of
somebodies are. When I walk in the library there is a sign on the
front desk "All study rooms are occupied." Good thing I wasn't wanting
one of those.
So why the hell I am typing out this random email to you, a
random I guy I only know thru thru a yellow and black page of
porn links and drunken ramblings? Hell if I know. I suppose it's
because porn and alcohol are such dear consolations in these cold
months. I should be riding but... my fork has developed this horrible-sounding
clank on top-out. And my road bike needs a new bottom bracket.
And I need to shave my legs. And on and on and on. I really ought
to be writing a paper on sex economics in Chaucer, instead of
rambling about vicarious sex, alcohol and bikes. You'd think sex
economics is something a dirty 'ol hippy like me could get into.
Moderndrunkard.
great shit. I forget where I first found out about that site -
oh yeah patrick o'grady's place.
Over and Out |
Ah yes. Finals. I know them well. Those days are behind me now, but
I can still feel the pain. The sleepless nights, the last minute term
paper submittals. Having all your tests scheduled early and being done
before all your friends. Having all your tests scheduled later and being
the last one done. The agony and ecstasy which is finals week.
Good times.
I ran into Youngblood yesterday as we were getting ready to carpool
up the hill and tromp around on snowshoes. He looked a shell of his
former self. He could only stare off into the middle distance and mutter
something about "finals… finals…"
For it is known to break the best of men. Keep your chin up, Youngblood.
In another week you'll be dancing on the tables at Pay-n Take.
Now, this is a whole lotta
ass.
Assuming, of course, that you, ahem, even like ass.
Good one from Dowd over at the Times.
Dimebag Darrel Abbott, formerly of Pantera, was shot and killed last
night while playing onstage in Ohio. Story at bloomberg.com.
That sucks.
| |
From: J-Bone
Subject: shitty bikes
Hey DC,
How come all of the chick/bike porn features such piece of shit
bikes and mediocre women? Ummm What?? is right. Just because the
porn has a bike in it doesn't mean we should beat off to it. In
fact, another shot of some forty something looking for fun while
falling all over a K-Mart Murray might turn me off to bikes and
porn altogether...oh shit did I really say that...this is serious
man, I think I'm developing a complex. Please help me. |
I wish I had a good answer. I guess because most of the girls who
end up in these porn galleries are not cyclists. They just lean on some
piece of shit for a couple of pics, using the bike as a prop.
I'd like to see more of the real cyclist chicks. Not necessarily even
nude. Just give some props to the girls who actually ride bikes, be
it for transportation, racing, or bike messenger. Girls kick ass. And
I happen to love them.
| |
From: Corey the Courier
Subject: Mucho
Sarah Uhl:
Thanks for the link. Did you know she's from your neck of the woods
in Bucks/Montgomery County? Good to see a local girl go big. Sarah
did the 2-day road race I promoted in April. I remember promoting
races years ago in Philly which enable elite level women like Sarah
and Laura Van Guilder to have more opportunities to shine.
Although Sarah may have a point about the sheer skinsuits, some
women should wear a full face helmet cause they look like they've
taken a few face bombs.
The Juice Race:
Ouch my liver…
My man Wicked Frame put on an alleycat in Philly. Five bucks gets
you in. $250 if you've got "The Juice" to beat everyone. Start
at a bike shop in South Philly hitting all of the lovely squares
around the city, with a run up the Art Museum steps holding your
bike over your head, singing the theme to Rocky. Somewhere along
the way to the first checkpoint, someone crashed into my back
end while zig-zagging through traffic. I heard the "oh oh oooooh"
then a crash. Never looked back. I was in it for the win. The
checkpoint at Logan Square required drinking a shot of gin and
juice then running around the fountain. The checkpoint at City
Hall had riders go panhandle quarters. I lost the race here as
the checkpoint dude was in the wrong place a block away, making
me return twice to the same place to find him. The final checkpoint
was at a bar where you drank a beer, rode a mile south to the
old Navy base and back. The kicker was you had to hit the final
checkpoint three times. As you head south on the far south end
of Broad you pass the stadiums and last night, the crowds from
the Army-Navy game. Yeah, a bunch of drunks going full speed through
crowds and traffic jams. I was one of the lucky ones who neither
got into a fight or arrested for reckless driving (I was too fu*king
fast) For all of my trash talking, me and my distended liver got
fourth.
Lincoln Navigator ad:
It's real. I've drank with the NYC courier. Lincoln and their
ad company went a bit too far and used names of other messengers
whose names were used without permission. A law suit is pending....
Philly Phorever |
Good damn, when that guy gets rolling, look the fuck out.
I'm heading to Tucson tonight for some bike riding in the sunshine
and warmth of the desert. I'll be back on Sunday sometime to update
the site and sleep in my own bed.
Happy day, happy quote.
Herman Georing once said of the Russian peasant, " Give a kulack some
potatoes and a bottle of vodka and he will live in shit his whole life."
Here's to swimming in vodka and living in shit.
 The
LiveWrong bracelets are still a week out at least. I don't know why
it's proving to be impossible for these damn things to show up in the
friggin mail already. Something about a watched pot never boils.
In case you forgot what the fucking things looked like, 'cause I pretty
much did. Even though I'm wearing one. I put a picture up for all to
see. How pretty. How very, very pretty
Anyway, new website up for orders. Go to livewrong.net
for more detail. And please reserve comment on the webpage layout, I've
heard it all already. I didn't do it, and I can't change it. I can only
sit here in awe.
Dumbfounded awe.
Maybe it's the hour and a half I just did on the rollers? Gotta be
the rollers. Melt your Goddamn brain out your ears pulling a stunt like
that, son.
Jeez. Get in the game. You get any fucking slacker, I'm gonna make
you wear this jersey that says Rubelt on the back.
Fuck it, I'm done. It's late and I can't see straight. I need either
beer, or sleep, and quick. Or both. Quick.
| |
From: Phil
Subject: Bullshit Lincoln Navigator Ad
Hey,
Thought you might be interested in this. I was reading New York
Times Magazine last Sunday & came across an ad for Lincoln Aviator
in which these "tax havens on wheels" were compared to bike messengers
of all things. " Need to get around Manhattan in a hurry? Follow
the NYC bike messenger's lead" Some schule named Carlos Aguilera(probably
fictional name) described his daily routine of riding 40 to 80 mile
per day dodging cabs, buses, and pedestrians. Funny, no mention
of the eminent possibility of losing your ability to add & subtract
as a result of being bowled over by a luxury land yacht plastered
with ribbon(swastika) stickers and piloted by some moronic soccer
mom. Jeez.... |
Here's to luxury land yachts. One more and I'm out. I'll plug an indoor
park. Why not?
| |
From: LK
Subject: Ray's MTB in Cleveland
OK, I know this is going to do nothing for your winter blues, but
we in Ohio have reason to cheer (no I'm not talking recount here).
Ray's MTB (raysmtb.com)
in Cleveland is open, I went there and Bike Magazine was shooting
some of the more extreme stuff. I rode around on the less extreme
stuff and still managed to come away with some scrapes and bruises.
It's indoor mountain biking, and it's a great place to practice
all your skills to your hearts content. Its got some sick northshore
style stuff as well as easier stuff for beginners. I finally figured
out how to rail a big berm, and got over some of my fear of bigger
jumps - I wasn't pulling the air that some of the ex-BMX guys were,
but I was doing OK for a reformed Roadie. We got there at noon and
left at about 7:30 PM (they're open until 10), jumping and hucking
and riding like crazy. Good times. We topped it all off with some
Dortmunder Gold from Great Lakes Brewing (greatlakesbrewing.com)
before the drive home to Toledo (its only about 2 hours and well
worth the drive). There were guys from Pittsburgh (PA), Columbus
(OH), Toledo (OH), Lansing (MI) and elsewhere. Bike Magazine! Ray's
MTB! In O-friggin-hio! I'm stoked. |
Right on.
Something about a day and a dollar, I don't know. I fixed the links
to the cross pics from yesterday. Seems not all browsers will view an
image if you type .jpg in the link code, and the file extension is .JPG.
Go figure. Looks the fucking same to me. I guess thats why I don't get
paid to go this.
Check out these Political
Billboards in a Red, Red State for a few laughs. Ha ha, ho, er,
arrggh, cough.
Bernard Kerik is my kinda man.
If any of the following applies to you, go read modern drunkard immediately.
1) Your liver has hired an attorney.
2) The word "rent" loses all meaning after your fifth drink.
3) You're not a hard drinker. It's the easiest thing you
do.
4) You quit drinking once, and it was the worst afternoon
of your life.
5) You won't eat an olive unless it's sterilized in gin.
6) You like tequila with a lime - or dirt, or a hamster or
whatever, so long as there's tequila involved.
7) Two weeks into the bender you found out "Drink Canada
Dry" was a corporate slogan, not a challenge.
8) If you've asked a bartender to "freshen up" your shot
glass.
9) If the words "Last Call" physically hurt you.
I'll let you find number 10 over at modern drunkard.
| |
From: White Turkish Van
Subject: Lee Harvey Oswald where are you....DOROTEO needs
to know?
Just kidding...yeah thats right. DOROTEO was just kidding. Sure
he wasnt hinting around that our President should be gunned down
in cold blood . No. Hell no. He was just kidding.
Jonny gets Hundreds of emails and chooses this one to forward
to the masses? But just remember Big Jonny he was Just kidding.
Sure Jonny he was just kidding. Say it over and over again. Hundreds
of times. Make it a thousand times.
After awhile its so easy to just disreguard if you want......
I think that any rational person in your vast audience would
agree with me that... Some one needs to look in on this particular
fellow...even though he was just kidding.
Yep thats right. Just kidding about blowing a hole through the
heart and soul of our ELECTED President. Im sure glad you guys
are the "lovers" on the left. Whew...we'd be in a world of hurt
if your werent so darn tolerant! |
Don't sweat it. I know the guy and he isn't going to be shooting anyone
anytime soon. 'Cept, of course, maybe me. He's the kind of guy who would
look me straight in the back, and squeeze…
Over at Velonews,
"Gravity racing (and riding) to be banned at Big Bear".
Read this
little ditty on the state of women's cycling by Sarah Uhl when you get
a chance.
This is some wacky shit hitting close to home. I found this little
gem over at shepherd-express.com.
More from the Faith-Based Front: Look for national parks' geology
to be written more in the image of creationists over the next four years
in the continuing effort to create "faith-based parks." An ongoing dispute
at Grand Canyon National Park bookstores is that Grand Canyon, a Different
View was ordered to stay on the bookshelves by top NPS brass. The book
says that the Grand Canyon is 4,500 years old and was formed by Noah's
flood. Conventional scientific wisdom has the canyon more around 6 million
years old, still rather young compared to the age of the Earth. Despite
protests from scientists and the Grand Canyon Park superintendent, the
book has stayed on the shelves. The Bush administration said it would
review the policy, but the review hasn't even been started since the
February complaint. NPS has also ordered bronze plaques with verses
from Psalms placed at canyon overlooks, truly emphasizing what a Judeo-Christian
religious experience the view can be.
More on the subject at time.com,
peer.org.
Look's like its time to start agitating.
| |
From: Lou
Subject: Lesbian Pagan marries Minor
Now.. first off, I am a pagan and so have no issues with them. As
for lesbian.. love them too. But, even I have a problem with pedophilia.
So when I came across the article about Elizabeth Miklosovic. I
knew it would be turned into a Pagan Lesbo thing instead of a bad
person pedophile thingy.
And I have been proven right.
kuro5hin.org/story/2004/12/4/174151/049
and this is the mind set of the Bush voters!!! Of course none
of them remember all the priests on trial or Swaggart or Baker
fuckers
GO PATRIOTS !!! |
I'm just gonna end this with a little funny ha ha stuff I got in the
mail today.
CONTROL TOWER TO PILOT
The following are accounts of actual exchanges between airline pilots
and control towers around the world. Remember that the conversations
are heard by all pilots on that frequency in that area.
Tower: "Delta 351, you have traffic at 10 o'clock, 6 miles!"
Delta 351: "Give us another hint! We have digital watches!"
"TWA 2341, for noise abatement turn right 45 Degrees."
"Centre, we are at 35,000 feet. How much noise can we make up here?"
"Sir, have you ever heard the noise a 747 makes when it hits a 727?"
From an unknown aircraft waiting in a very long takeoff queue:
"I'm fucking bored!"
Ground Traffic Control: "Last aircraft transmitting, identify yourself
immediately!"
Unknown aircraft: "I said I was fucking bored, not fucking stupid!"
O'Hare Approach Control to a 747: "United 329 heavy, your traffic
is a Fokker, one o'clock, three miles, Eastbound."
United 329: "Approach, I've always wanted to say this... I've got the
little Fokker in sight."
A student became lost during a solo cross-country flight.
While attempting to locate the aircraft on radar, ATC asked, "What was
your last known position?"
Student: "When I was number one for takeoff."
A DC-10 had come in a little hot and thus had an exceedingly long
roll out after touching down.
San Jose Tower Noted: "American 751, make a hard right turn at the end
of the runway, if you are able.
If you are not able, take the Guadeloupe exit off Highway 101, make
a right at the lights and return to the airport."
There's a story about the military pilot calling for a priority landing
because his single-engine jet fighter was running "a bit peaked."
Air Traffic Control told the fighter jock that he was number two, behind
a B-52 that had one engine shut down.
"Ah," the fighter pilot remarked, "The dreaded seven-engine approach."
Taxiing down the tarmac, a DC-10 abruptly stopped, turned around and
returned to the gate. After an hour-long wait, it finally took off.
A concerned passenger asked the flight attendant, "What, exactly, was
the problem?"
"The pilot was bothered by a noise he heard in the engine," explained
the flight attendant. "It took us a while to find a new pilot."
A Pan Am 727 flight waiting for start clearance in Munich overheard
the following:
Lufthansa (in German): "Ground, what is our start clearance time?"
Ground (in English): "If you want an answer you must speak in English."
Lufthansa (in English): "I am a German, flying a German airplane, in
Germany. Why must I speak English?"
Unknown voice from another plane (in a beautiful British accent): "Because
you lost the bloody war."
Tower: "Eastern 702, cleared for takeoff, contact Departure on frequency
124.7"
Eastern 702: "Tower, Eastern 702 switching to Departure. By the way,
after we lifted off we saw some kind of dead animal on the far end of
the runway."
Tower: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff behind Eastern 702, contact
Departure on frequency 124.7. Did you copy that report from Eastern
702?"
Continental 635: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff, roger; and yes,
we copied Eastern... we've already notified our caterers."
One day the pilot of a Cherokee 180 was told by the tower to hold
short of the active runway while a DC-8 landed. The DC-8 landed, rolled
out, turned around, and taxied back past the Cherokee.
Some quick-witted comedian in the DC-8 crew got on the radio and said,
"What a cute little plane. Did you make it all by yourself?"
The Cherokee pilot, not about to let the insult go by, came back with
a real zinger: "I made it out of DC-8 parts. Another landing like yours
and I'll have enough parts for another one."
The German air controllers at Frankfurt Airport are renowned as a
short-tempered lot. They not only expect one to know one's gate parking
location, but how to get there without any assistance from them.
So it was with some amusement that we (a Pan Am 747) listened to the
following exchange between Frankfurt ground control and a British Airways
747, call sign Speedbird 206.
Speedbird 206: "Frankfurt, Speedbird 206 clear of active runway."
Ground: "Speedbird 206. Taxi to gate Alpha One-Seven."
The PA 747 pulled onto the main taxiway and slowed to a stop.
Ground: "Speedbird, do you not know where you are going?"
Speedbird 206: "Stand by, Ground, I'm looking up our gate location now."
Ground (with quite arrogant impatience): "Speedbird 206, have you not
been to Frankfurt before?"
Speedbird 206 (coolly): "Yes, twice in 1944, but it was dark, -- And
I didn't land."
While taxiing at London's Gatwick Airport, the crew of a US Air flight
departing for Ft. Lauderdale made a wrong turn and came nose to nose
with a United 727.
An irate female ground controller lashed out at the US Air crew, screaming:
"US Air 2771, where the hell are you going?! I told you to turn right
onto Charlie taxiway! You turned right on Delta! Stop right there. I
know it's difficult for you to tell the difference between C and D,
but get it right!"
Continuing her rage to the embarrassed crew, she was now shouting hysterically:
"God! Now you've screwed everything up! It'll take forever to sort this
out! You stay right there and don't move till I tell you to! You can
expect progressive taxi instructions in about half an hour, and I want
you to go exactly where I tell you, when I tell you, and how I tell
you! You got that, US Air 2771?"
"Yes, ma'am," the humbled crew responded.
Naturally, the ground control communications frequency fell terribly
silent after the verbal bashing of US Air 2771. Nobody wanted to chance
engaging the irate ground controller in her current state of mind. Tension
in every cockpit out around Gatwick was definitely running high. Just
then an unknown pilot broke the silence and keyed his microphone, asking:
"Wasn't I married to you once?"
Tonight I attempted to really give the email pile what for. The business.
The 'ol heave ho. The college try. A swift kick in the nuts.
Whatever.
If you like punk rock, and I'll bet you do, check out Tall Todd's
new band, the
Routineers
| |
From: Todd
Subject: Greetings from the People Republic
Big Jonny
Well, here I sit in the most liberal town in the most liberal county
in the most liberal state in the most liberal part of the country
(Putney, VT). Everyone I know and most everyone I come across shares
similar views and we are all pretty disheartened, especially that
the rest of the country so obviously seems to think so much differently.
I suspect it's a lot harder in Arizona to broadcast the same
viewpoint. I just wanted to offer thanks and praise to you for
your website and all that you've done to expose people to the
array of voices and resources out there that believe in a humanistic
society. I love your site as a fellow bike porn aficionado and
singlespeeder, as well as for the great political links and humor.
I can't disprove the existence an omnipotent, invisible ghost
in the sky who divinely inspires people to persecute others based
on their religious beliefs, skin color, gender, sexual preference,
country of origin, etc. I can say that I've observed that whenever
people decide that ultimately we're all on the same side, we are
all working for the greater good, that things go best. Us versus
them is a sure way to escalate hate and decrease productivity.
I know it can't always be that simple, but maybe if we all try
to focus our anger toward more constructive ends we will avoid
stooping to the "bring it on" level. A quick survey of the places
where it's been "brought on" is none too pretty.
Let's challenge ourselves to outclass the hatemongers, shall
we?
PS: Kona Explosif scandium with an ENO hub in back, Vicious
Cycles disc fork |
Nice words and a nice bike. Kinda makes you want to move to Vermont,
doesn't it?
| |
From: richard
Subject: camel toe alert
I was flipping thru the channels this morning and stopped at FitTV.
I had watched it before with the bouncing tits and hard nipples.
One host, Sharon Mann, if she didn't have an industrial strength
bra on would give herself black eyes everytime. LOL. This morning
there was a show called "Breathing Space Yoga". The host is a lady
in her mid 40s in a blue wrestling suit but her students are young
and in gray sweatshirt material wrestling suits. This morning they
sat on their heels and laid back stretching the suits tight. The
camera pans over and one girl student had what looked like a three
inch camel toe, it was HUGE. You have to check it out. If you can't
watch it tape it.
fittv.discovery.com/schedule
|
Sounds like a plan. If I had a tv, I'd be watching it.
Otherwise, I'm confined to a life of internet porn. Oh, how do I manage?
Along the lines of television…
| |
From: Doroteo
Subject: WTF!
Well, It seems my opinion has been proven true. Everyone I know
who watches TV is stupid. We need a TV commercial for all the Born
Agains. Tellin'm how swell it is up there in Heaven and they'd better
hurry cuz all the good seats are almost taken. Anyone who believes
in virgin birth and ascension to Heaven will believe an ad like
that. We'll offer a one time free pass excusin'm from the sin of
suicide. Anyone who believes shit like that shouldn't be allowed
to vote. Do we let people with Downs Syndrome vote? I rest my case.
Some people will be offended at my plan. They might complain. You
know what I say to that? Shut the fuck up you stupid motherfuckers.
I still can't believe Texas' village idiot won this time. At least
last time we could say he stole the election. Shit man, where's
Oswald when you need him... |
Um. Yeah.
If you're with the FBI, CIA, the man, the fuzz, the P I G, he's just
kidding about Oswald.
Just a little bit.
Let's politic this up a bit for Snake. I'd hate for him to get through
a day without reading my shit, getting pissed and yelling at the computer
screen at work. I'm sure his coworkers think he's a complete tool. And
I complete him.
| |
From: Adam
Subject: From Andrew Sullivan
"So ask yourself a simple question: which state has the highest
divorce rate? Marriage was a key issue in the last election, with
Massachusetts' gay marriages becoming a symbol of alleged blue state
decadence and moral decay. But in actual fact, Massachusetts has
the lowest divorce rate in the country at 2.4 divorces per 1,000
inhabitants. Texas - which until recently made private gay sex a
criminal offence - has a divorce rate of 4.1. A fluke? Not at all.
The states with the highest divorce rates in the U.S. are Alabama,
Arkansas, Arizona, Florida, Georgia, Mississippi, North Carolina,
Oklahoma, South Carolina, and Texas. And the states with the lowest
divorce rates are: Connecticut, Massachusetts, Maine, New Hampshire,
New Jersey, New York, Pennsylvania, Rhode Island, and Vermont. Every
single one of the high divorce rate states went for Bush. Every
single one of the low divorce rate states went for Kerry. The Bible
Belt divorce rate, in fact, is roughly 50 percent higher than the
national average."
From andrewsullivan.com
|
Sullivan is all over the map for me. Sometimes I love him, sometime
I fucking hate him. But, I'm always glad he's around. And so is Snake.
Ok, on to the racing.
There was a lot of cross action by the boys last weekend. I've got
race reports and pic from Big Tex, The Gnome and Zeke. Big Tex you've
been hearing about all season, the Gnome needs no introduction, but
Zeke you may not remember. I first heard of him when he wrote emails
to drunkcyclist. He was the guy who kept riding his Surly into rocks,
walls, park benches and the like, wrecking the shit outta himself and
the bike. I met the man once, on Ragbrai, and true to form, I barely
remember it.
I shouldn't say I met him once. I'm sure I drank with him for something
like three days. Ok kids, repeat after me: The liver is evil and it
must be punished.
| |
From: Big Tex Tullous
Subject: Colorado State CX Championship
How bout some mud pie?
The race day started as usual with my blueberry pancakes followed
with a homemade smoothie. We all piled into the Drunkcyclist/Voodoo
cycles team car and headed north. About 65 miles out of 70 miles,
I realized I had no shoes. Rookie mistake but it happens to all
of us. I made some calls and had my shoes on their way but I didn't
think they would make it before the 2:30pm start time. I entered
the race and then set off to find some shoes strolling through
the parking lot. While walking from car to car, I started to notice
everyone's bikes. It didn't look good with mud and clay weighting
down the bikes like concrete shoes on a wiseguy. The mud was so
bad that guys were pulling out of the race before the start. No
worries---I'm racing even if I have to race in my boots.
So, Kiwi Mark is not racing and wears a size 43 Sidi. He loans
me his shoes and pedals. Score! Same size and same shoe. I had
an hour to learn how to snap into a pair of Time pedals with a
cleat a little more mid foot than I'm used to. That's OK. I'm
good at adaptation.
In the process of guys pulling out of the race before the start,
I found myself with a bucket and brush ready pit crew and a spare
bike. This is a good sign.
We're at the start and it's about 40 guys. Everyone was coming
out for a chance to take home that CO State Champion jersey but
no Travis. I guess Travis traveled to San Francisco to get some
much needed UCI points for next weeks starting grid at Nationals.
That's too bad. I wanted one more chance put him in the pain cave
at the local level. No worries, the start line was full of quality.
Marc Gullickson was there along with the TIAA-CREF team, Fabulous
Frank Mapel, and others.
We started fast and I was third going into the mud. By the top
of the first run-up, I took the lead with Gullickson right on
my wheel. Riding the course for the first time, I quickly found
out there were no barriers but 3 intense run-ups. I hate running.
By the third run-up, Gullickson had a few seconds on me. He went
on to take the case of beer first lap prime. I needed that one
but went to work to bring him back. For everyone else, it became
a test of survival for man and machine. Snake counted 8 guys walking
to the pits after lap 1. The gap between Marc and I remained the
same till lap 3.
Lap 3, I took a bike change. Lap 3, I found myself eating mud
pie twice. Lap 3, I discovered that the bike I was riding has
the brakes reversed. Now the gap grew to 1 minute. I made another
bike change but there was no bringing back Gullickson. I finished
second. Half of the rest of the field did not finish. T-Rex Phillips
finished strong running the last 3/4 of a lap. Check the day after
picture of his derailleur hanger. He finished 15th.
OK. So the race was muddy. But I didn't know how muddy the race
was till I got home and showered. WARNING GRAPHIC CONTENT!!---I
have to be honest. I have more than a few hairs on my ass. Luckily
the hair stops as my crack ends and my back starts. No offense
to those with hairy backs its just I'm glad I don't have one.
Anyway, so I'm taking a shower and I have dried mud all tangled
in my ass hairs like a garden of dingleberries. How the hell does
that happen? It was so muddy that mud seeped through my chamois
and cycling shorts to dry and clot on my ass. Mud---I like it.
It's a good time. Check the pictures.
Well, one more race. Thursday, I head out to Portland and the
CX Nationals for some more mud action-- check the weather out
there. It looks like we could get a sunny dry day on Sunday
weather.com
|
Big Tex rules.
The Gnome also rode this weekend, and rode well.
| |
From: Gnome
Subject: check it
I fucking rock.
|
Two guys in DC jerseys, two second place finishes in the State Championship
Cross race in two different states.
Bad ass.
Now Zeke, he's all hugged up with evil.
And any friend of evil is a friend of mine.
| |
From: Zeke
Subject: kansas state cross champs
Kansas State Cyclocross Championships were this past Saturday (12-04-04).
I wish I could say I did well but I got my legs torn off by the
competition. I ran my mouth too much during the week saying that
I was gonna go and tear the field apart... big mistake. One of the
guys that I work with (DW who has never raced ss before) decided
that he that he couldn't win his age group or the A's so he should
give ss a try... he lapped me three times. He pretty much rode up
with the A's the entire race. 50 minutes plus one lap, longest cross
race I have ever done. I blew up in the first lap trying to keep
up with DW and after that my race pretty much over. I crawled around
the course until the last up hill paved finish where I gave all
I had left to get in to a sprint for 4th with the Woodchuck Rupp.
I was coming from behind and I didn't quite catch him before the
finish. Ah well. I guess whiskey and cigarettes the night before
a race may not be the best approach. I have tried to link to some
photos below on the cowtowncycling.com
site. As the photo progress you can tell I have given up. There
are some decent pics on kimmorris.com
too.
I had fun all the same. People seem to get a kick out of it
when you sit up to smile and wave at people during a race or you
stop at your bottle hand up for a chat and a extended drink.
Over all 5th out of 8 two of which DNFed.
cowtowncycling.com/ipw-web/gallery/Kansasstate/IMG_4248
cowtowncycling.com/ipw-web/gallery/Kansasstate/IMG_4249
cowtowncycling.com/ipw-web/gallery/Kansasstate/IMG_4301
cowtowncycling.com/ipw-web/gallery/Kansasstate/IMG_4302
cowtowncycling.com/ipw-web/gallery/Kansasstate/IMG_4340
Went out that night on a Ping Owe (pub crawl) and got hammered
into the pavement on a slick corner while riding the fixie. Extra
points for having Travis on the scorcher slam into after I am
already on the tarmac. He used my messenger bag and back as a
ramp for his tumble to the pavement. The kicker was the portly
lady in the xmas sweat shirt and fuzzy antlers on her head who
wondered if I was ok... "I'm fine. You're the one with fucking
antlers on your head... are you ok?"
good times
zeke
Team Evil, KC branch |
I'd say cross racing is alive and well.
What happened today? Nothing happened today.
| |
From: Otis
Subject: Paw-tay!
O Most High,
On Dec. 5, 1933, a thirsty nation told Prohibition to go fuck itself.
Hell, I'll drink to that.
nytimes.com
Otis
Mayberry City Jail |
Ok, something happened today a couple of years back. That, and the
Eagles won big against the Pack. I expected a close game, not the on
sided trouncing I witnessed this afternoon.
The whole thing just made me feel special.
Special like when Snake called me tonight, just to say hi. And to
show one of his teammates, yes, I really do exist.
I guess maybe they just thought I was outsourced to India, or some
shit.
Remember the blowjobs for sale at Target? Check out this next email
exchange.
| |
From: Dan the Man
Subject:
Damn! Has everything been outsourced to India? Note the name in
the reply. No sense of humor at all, just a canned reply. Lame......
-----Original Message-----
From: Target.com Guest Services [mailto:guest.no-response@target.com]
Sent: Friday, December 03, 2004 4:19 AM
To: dan
Subject: Your Target.com Inquiry
Greetings from Target.com.
Thanks for taking the time to tell us that you like a product
at our Web site. We want to make it a simple and fun experience
and it's nice to know that we've succeeded.
I hope you'll visit us again soon.
Best regards,
Abhijeet
Target.com Guest Service
http://www.target.com
Date: Fri Dec 03 07:37:43 GMT 2004
Subject: Other questions and comments
To: guest.service@Target.com
From: dan
---------------
12/02/04 23:19:10
Comments: um, yes....I'd like all of these that you have..lol
|
Good times with the hired help. Poor bastard probably never knew what
hit 'em.
To answer the question of…
| |
From: Jeff
Subject: Is Spiro Agnew the only Vice President to resign
from office?
Is Spiro Agnew the only Vice President to resign from office?
No, John Calhoun (VP under Andrew Jackson) also resigned from
office two months before the expiration of his term. |
And there you have it folks.
The Gnome did a cross race today. The Arizona State Championship.
| |
From: Gnome
Subject: Cross
Yo man,
My nizzle, my love.
Thanks for the snow shoes. I missed my ride up to the mountain.
Thanks though. With all this snow I'm a little excited to walk around
in it. If it weren't for a house with central heating, that'd be
the dumbest thing I've thought of. Regardless, I was late delivering
the pastries in our new moving van (which I'll have to show you
some day because it's fucking ridiculous) so I missed the boat with
Troy to hike up and board down in this new freshy-pow-pow bullshit
that makes idiots come here. So that sucked. I sat on the couch
for about an hour and half looking at your snowshoes and then looking
outside at my buried truck. What to do? I can't waste this day or
this anger. Then, oh yea. The AZ state cross race was today. I got
proper on coffee, headed over there and watched the b race. I thought
"hey! I can do this". I got stoked, came home and donned my super-hero-clown-suit.
In the A's, I wrestled with Brad Van Orden for the first 30
minutes. I'd get him in the squirrelly snow and then, he'd nab
the spot in the dome. That went on for a bit. Then something happened.
I think he was faster or something. I'm still unsure but his lead
got all big and all I could do was limit my losses. A few good
wrecks hurt my feelings when I was trying. I said fuck. I said
Fuck. I said Fuck. In the end, I hung on for second. I rode the
onespeed with 36-17. I'll send pics when I get them.
Within that race, I became comfortable with the idea of anger
as motivator supreme. I believe I've been in denial of who I am
for a while. Glad I figured that out. Gord says- "It doesn't have
to be like that".
Yes it does.
Fuck you. |
The new Arizona State Champion is Brad Van Orden.
First loser, our man the Gnome. Go buy a ballon kid.
Snowing like hell tonight in the northland. I spend the day hiking
down south in Oak Creek Canyon, where I thought the weather would be
nicer. It usually is, so it was a pretty safe bet. We fucked around
on the Sterling
Pass trail. It snowed. So hard, in fact, I couldn't see across
the canyon at the summit.
It's pretty cool seeing snow fall on the red rock and cactus. And
walking across a frozen stream in Sedona is one I haven't done before.
The roads were fucked up, but not too bad I suppose. I did get to
throw the car sideways around a few corners driving home tonight. That's
always fun.
At least I didn't stuff it up into a tree like countless others did
today. The word around town is all these assclowns learned to drive
in Phoenix and therefore have no fucking idea what they are doing. Something
about expecting your car to handle the way it does on 120 degree pavement
in all other conditions.
Since I cut my teeth in the Eastern Pennsylvania ice follies, I'm
pretty ok with snow covered roads. What mostly scares me is some moron
running into me.
Did you ever feel like someone is watching
you?
Concerned your eyesight is going south? Perhaps this handy eye
test can help in your time of need.
Tonights joke:
| |
A man escapes from prison where he had been for 15 years. He
breaks into a house to look for money and or drugs and finds a young
couple in bed. He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair.
While tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her
on the neck, then gets up and goes to the bathroom. While he's in
there, the husband tells his wife:
"Listen, this guy's an escaped convict. Look at his clothes!
He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman
in years. I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don't
resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him
no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very
dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey.
I love you."
To which the wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck, he was
whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were
cute and asked if we had any Vaseline.
I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. "I love
you too!" |
More inane drivel coming your way momentarily.
Stewardesses is the longest word typed using only your left head.
Lollipop the right hand equivalent. Stewardesses lollipop stewardesses
lollipop. Yep. Damn interesting.
The sentence, "the quick brown fox jumps over the lazy brown dog"
uses every letter of the alphabet. Typewriter is the longest English
word you can type using one row of the keyboard.
Jesus, I need to get out more.
Ladies and Gentlemen: Bob
Novak.
Has it ever crossed your mind to pay off the man with a bucket full
of pennies? Same with this
guy in Utah.
Americans love drugs. Legal, illegal, whatever. Check out these numbers form a new study: Over 44 percent of all Americans
take at least one prescription drug.
And, one in four people under the age of 18 is currently taking at
least one prescription drug.
Treating the symptoms? Masking reality?
Be beginning of the fall of our civilization?
You be the judge. I'll stick to drinking.
If you like celebrity chicks, check out the freebies over at static nine. I'm
especially fond of the series of Paris Hilton climbing into her Hummer
in high heels while on mindlessly chatting away on her cell phone. In
four simple images, it paints a very vivid picture of perhaps everything
I feel is wrong with the world I live in.
Ah, shit, I'm about to get depressed.
At least I can always turn to the mail…
| |
From: Jennifer
Subject: start fucking riding
I thought December meant: "start fucking riding." Then the next
day you spend 45 pathetic minutes of your life on rollers? Please.
You need to invite Justin up and go for a real ride. I know you're
scared, but you shouldn't be afraid. I am sure by now Justin has
finally mastered either the art of orienteering or outdoor survival.
You'll either get home, or he'll keep you alive until responsible
sober adults stumble across your half frozen naked body. Which brings
me to the question, why would you be taking your clothes off on
a wilderness adventure with Justin? You are a sick bastard aren't
you. |
Ah jeez…
It's going well, if you watch
it on Fox.
| |
From: Don
Subject: North American Handmade Bicycle Show
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE:
Contact
Don Walker
PO BOX 2392
Hewitt, TX 76643
Voice 254-733-9014
Fax 254-235-2530
bicycleexpo05@aol.com
handmadebicycleshow.com
1st Annual North American Handmade Bicycle Show
Houston, Texas will host the first ever "North American Handmade
Bicycle Show" the weekend of January 15th 2005. This is a milestone
event that brings together some of North America's finest custom
bicycle frame builders. Notorious builders such as Richard Sachs,
Darren Crisp, Don Ferris of Anvil Bicycles, Brian Baylis and many
others will be on hand to display their craft. True Temper will
also be on hand displaying and talking about their most recent
development, the S 3 tubeset.
A Q/A session will be beneficial to amateur bicycle framebuilders
who attend regarding frames and their construction which will
be hosted by world-class frame builder Richard Sachs. Expert tooling
fabricator Don Ferris will speak about tooling and its importance
of quality frame construction. Flawless craftsman Brian Baylis
will give a lug carving seminar while Corey Bush and Bert Hull
will speak about the ultra-light, ultra-strong S 3 tubeset manufactured
by True Temper. More seminars will be added in the coming days.
Attendance to these fun and enlightening seminars is intended
for amateur bicycle framebuilders to provide an avenue by which
the craft of bicycle building can reach a higher level of artistry
and quality.
The event is not only intended to serve as a forum for builders
to meet and share ideas, but also to showcase North America's
finest builders for bicycle enthusiasts of all kind. Potential
customers have never seen the opportunity to speak with as many
as 40 of the top bicycle frame builders in North America. "Interbike
is only for bicycle industry people and shops looking for their
next year's line. This show is all about handmade bicycles and
the people who make them. You have a wide variety of builders
from all walks of life, but they all have one thing in common:
they all make bicycle frames by hand. Almost every imaginable
facet of bicycles will be shown here." says Don Walker of Hewitt,
Texas, a framebuilder whose bicycles have been raced in International
competitions.
Don Walker, also the event organizer adds he "...is very excited
to have some of the worlds best bicycle framebuilders right here
in Texas for the first show of its kind, and is so thrilled to
meet all of them face to face, because we usually only talk via
e-mail."
The event will be hosted by the Sheraton Houston Brookhollow,
3000 North Loop West, Houston, Texas. The event times are Saturday,
January 15th, 9:00 AM to 6:00 PM and Sunday, January 16th, 9:00
AM to 5:00 PM. Admission is free to the public, while the seminars
are $55 for the pre-registered and $70 after January 1st. Space
is limited and pre-registration is encouraged. To register, please
go to handmadebicycleshow.com
|
A couple of quotes to send this bitch off proper.
"The Christian God is a being of terrific character - cruel, vindictive,
capricious, and unjust"
Thomas Jefferson
"I call Christianity the one great curse, the one great intrinsic
depravity, the one great instinct for revenge for which no expedient
is sufficiently poisonous, secret, subterranean, petty - I call it the
one mortal blemish of mankind"
Friedrich Nietzsche
I'll start this like it should be started.
| |
From: Aljosa
Subject: kyle
hey big j,
although i´m from the other side of the pond and therefore didn´t
know kyle, i was deeply touched too see how your whole community
showed respect and care towards the family and friends of kyle.
litter mag littermag.com dedicated their latest issue to the
memory of kyle. that´s maybe just a little sign of appreciation
- but it shows a facette of the true spirit the whole bike community
has.
keep the rubber side down!
joscha, slovenia |
That is pretty damn cool. What more can I say.
Read the dedication page here.
| |
From: Chris
Subject: 2004 AZ Cyclocross State Championship
Red Rock Racers and NAU Cycling are together promoting the 2004
AZ Cyclocross State Championship event. It will be held on the NAU
Campus on Sunday December 5 following the last race of the High
Altitude CX Series on Saturday. There will be awards and much booty
to be had by all. Spread the word to your teammates and friends
and we'll see you this weekend. Check the attached flyer, this link
hastc.nau.edu
|
Hey look, the days start getting longer in a week. Sure, it's only another minute, but I'll
take it. This sunset at 5:14 is some bullshit. By the 31st, we're talking
5:25. Yeah baby, I'm loving it. Keep that sun up in the sky just a little
bit longer.
You know how I like it.
Still no forum up and running. Don't ask, because I sure as shit don't
know. I guess some more email inquiries are in order.
I've gotten this next one a few times in the mail now. I suppose that
means half the fucking planet has seen it and it's time I post it on
drunkcyclist.
I mean, why be ahead of the curve?
| |
From: Bill
Subject: long read, but worth it
Thought a liberal asshat such as yourself might enjoy this. Lyrics
put to song by a group called Lazy Boy. I'm a liberal asshat too.
Fuck Bush and fuck Wal Mart.
Why is marijuana not legal? Why is marijuana not legal?
It's a natural plant that grows in the dirt.
Do you know what's not natural?
80 year old dudes with hard-ons. That's not natural.
But we got pills for that.
We're dedicating all our medical resources to keeping the old
guys erect,
but we're putting people in jail for something that grows in the
dirt?
You know we have more prescription drugs now.
Every commercial that comes on TV is a prescription drug ad.
I can't watch TV for four minutes without thinking I have five
serious diseases.
Like: "Do you ever wake up tired in the morning?"
Oh my god I have this, write this down. Whatever it is, I have
it.
Half the time I don't even know what the commercial is...
people running in fields or flying kites or swimming in the ocean.
I'm like that is the greatest disease ever. How do you get that?
That disease comes with a hot chick and a puppy.
The schools now... It is all about self-esteem in the schools
now.
Build the kids' self-esteem, make them feel good about themselves.
If everybody grows up with high self-esteem, who is going to dance
in our strip clubs?
What's going to happen to our porno industry?
These women don't just grow on trees.
It takes lots of drunk dads missing dance recitals before you
decide to blow a goat on the internet for fifty bucks.
And if that disappears, where does that leave me on a Friday night
with my new high speed connection?
Masterminds are another word that comes up all the time.
You keep hearing about these terrorists masterminds that get killed
in the middle east.
Terrorists masterminds.
Mastermind is sort of a lofty way to describe what these guys
do, don't you think?
They're not masterminds.
"OK, you take bomb, right? And you put in your backpack. And you
get on bus and you blow yourself up. Alright?"
"Why do I have to blow myself up? Why can't I just..."
"Who's the fucking mastermind here? Me or you?"
Americans, let's face it: We've been a spoiled country for a
long time.
Do you know what the number one health risk in America is?
Obesity. They say we're in the middle of an obesity epidemic.
An epidemic like it is polio. Like we'll be telling our grand
kids about it one day.
The Great Obesity Epidemic of 2004.
"How'd you get through it grandpa?"
"Oh, it was horrible Johnny, there was cheesecake and pork chops
everywhere."
Nobody knows why were getting fatter? Look at our lifestyle.
I'll sit at a drive thru.
I'll sit there behind fifteen other cars instead of getting up
to make the eight foot walk to the totally empty counter.
Everything is mega meal, super sized. Want biggie fries, super
sized, want to go large.
You want to have thirty burgers for a nickel you fat mother fucker.
There's room in the back. Take it!
Want a 55 gallon drum of Coke with that? It's only three more
cents.
Sometimes you have to suffer a little bit in your youth to motivate
yourself to succeed in later life.
Do you think if Bill Gates got laid in high school, do you think
there'd be a Microsoft?
Of course not.
You got to spend a long time in your own locker with your underwear
shoved up your ass before you start to think,
"You'll see. I'm going to take of the world of computers! I'll
show them."
We're in one of the richest countries in the world,
but the minimum wage is lower than it was thirty five years ago.
There are homeless people everywhere.
This homeless guy asked me for money the other day.
I was about to give it to him and then I thought he was going
to use it on drugs or alcohol.
And then I thought, that's what I'm going to use it on.
Why am I judging this poor bastard.
People love to judge homeless guys. Like if you give them money
they're just going to waste it.
Well, he lives in a box, what do you want him to do? Save it up
and buy a wall unit?
Take a little run to the store for a throw rug and a CD rack?
He's homeless.
I walked behind this guy the other day.
A homeless guy asked him for money.
He looks right at the homeless guy and says why don't you go get
a job you bum.
People always say that to homeless guys like it is so easy.
This homeless guy was wearing his underwear outside his pants.
Outside his pants. I'm guessing his resume isn't all up to date.
I'm predicting some problems during the interview process.
I'm pretty sure even McDonalds has a "underwear goes inside the
pants" policy.
Not that they enforce it really strictly, but technically I'm
sure it is on the books. |
You had me at Liberal Asshat.
Are you hard to buy for?
| |
From: M.
Subject: Holiday shopping for the Eccentric
Jonny, thought you may want to pass this on to those who may have
gifts to buy for persons that are hard to buy for. They certainly
can find something here.
we-make-money-not-art.com
|
I usually try to fall back on the old bottle of scotch for a Christmas
gift. I figure, if they wouldn't like a bottle of scotch, why the hell
am I hanging out with them anyway?
Funny thing, and it's only funny because I'm sitting here by myself
typing out this cockswill, is that I hope I get a bottle of scotch this
year. I mean, a man can dream, can't he?
| |
From: Brian
Subject: Bush's visit to Canada...The real reason, eh?
Seems that today's visit wasn't just to play nice, it was to save
the US from over 700 million dollars worth of trade sanctions.
english.aljazeera.net
|
Couple that with Cheney's apparently worsening congestive
heart failure and it looks like happy days at the White House.
So, when Cheney steps down in January and another key position in
the Bush Administration is changed, will Bush have set a new record
for the most extensive reformation of his second term team? He's dancing
on the edge of it at the moment. And, one more thing I'm unsure of,
except that I will get plenty of mail by posing the question, is Spiro
Agnew the only Vice President to resign from office?
Certainly the chances the someone stepped down, due to health reasons
or what have you, are high in all the years we've been doing this little
thing we call democracy in this county. But, I know of no man. My limited
knowledge on the subject is telling, isn't it?
Cycling? Talk about it on the site? Yeah, I remember. Hey, check it
out, I rode my rollers for 45 minutes tonight. And I feel like crap.
Now, ain't that something…
Sorta like an email that comes with a picture.
| |
From: Jason
Subject: Hamilton
 Big
Jonny, Tyler's got a new tour. It's always a positive thing to have
a Gold medal winner test positive for a banned substance when trying
to popularize cycling here in the States. Thanks Tyler. No, you
couldn't be an alcoholic, or a wife beater. At least that would
be acceptable in the southern U.S. No, you have to be a lycra wearing,
needle in your ass, doper. Maybe he'll get endorsement deals from
Bristol Myer Squibb like Lance. I guess there is a difference, Lance
has half a nut sack due to illness. Tyler doesn't have any balls
for not being able to back up his role in the pro peleton. 2001
USPS Tyler," I'm ready to be the man on my own team for the major
tours.", 2004 Phonak suspended Tyler "My ass hurts from needles."
loser. Man he pisses me off.
livewrong |
Ouch, that one hurt.
Well, it didn't so much hurt me…
| |
From: Soylent Green Cycling Club
Subject: Phasers on stun ... naw, fuck it, bake the bastards
O Most Rotund One,
Check out this little item from the Boston Business Journal:
boston.bizjournals.com
Now we know what all the fuckin' Trekkies got busy on when they
weren't pulling their puds over grainy pix of Nichelle Nichols.
Ah, for the good ol' days, when all a guy needed for a peace demo'
was an Army surplus helmet, a strong rock-throwing arm and bail
money. Now you need a shitload of dilithium crystals to keep the
shields up so the coppers don't poach your brain like an egg.
Cheers,
Axles O'Evil |
It's not April first, is it? Good.
I can remember reading about folks in Tucson showing, shall we say,
their displeasure
at the business that is Raytheon. And, while I lived in Tucson, I rode
by the Raytheon compound, a stinking shithole of aluminum buildings
and bullshit behind chain link fences, twice a week on the group rides.
Now I find out Raytheon has manufactured a "heat beam" weapon.
Oh, I feel so damn good inside. And kinda warm. Must be my wife's
chili. Or, someone is training a heat beam on me.
I'll bet you dollars to donuts you could defeat the effects of this
"heat beam" weapon with some tinfoil body armor. Who wants to try it
first?
And, if tin foil does prove to be the arch nemesis of Raytheon's $40
million dollar Uranium
Pew-36 Explosive Space Modulator, does that mean the tin
foil hat crowd hat it right all along?
I shudder to think.
December means one thing around here: Start fucking riding.
And, hey, bikes are cool.
In Britain, the "bicycle has emerged as a surprise front-runner in
the poll to find the country's most significant technological breakthrough
of the past 250 years," Read it all here.
First MBAA race coming up quick. January 8th, at McDowell Mountain
Park. There is a .pdf
flyer up at the MBAA website. And, there is a pic of Kyle on it. Pretty
f'n cool if you ask me.
I guess this means two things: One, I'm fucked for at least the first
three races. The best I can hope for at this point is that they make
nice hard efforts before the 24 Hours in the Old Pueblo mid February.
And, two, I had better get off my ass and get that DC roster in order.
It's time to dust of that jersey and start thinking about flying the
colors.
| |
From: G.
Subject: BJ's
Jonny,
Apparently you can get a Blowjob at Target for $9.99. The only catch
is that you have to wait 4-8 weeks for delivery.
target.com
|
And a sober one at that. Go figure.
On the political tip, 'cause I've still got one of those.
| |
From: aaron
Subject: face it
I know you get shit for being more political than cyclehead sometimes,
but after watching bill o'reilly and ann coulter on fox news yesterday,
I realize we need every life giving media outlet we can get. those
dipshits on sit there looking at the camera spitting bullshit propaganda
and massaging some kind of arrogant and socially destructive political
agenda. both o'reilly and coulter were ranting about canada joining
france as one of our enemies (yes the word "enemy" was actually
used and coulter even went so far as to say canada was lucky we
allowed them to exist on the same continent). o'rielly described
the UN as corrupt and useless, and the international Red Cross as
a political organization with some kind of anti-american agenda.
holy shit. don't trust the red cross. they hate you. and you know
why? because american's mistreated prisoners in guantanamo and they
reported on it ( cnn.com/2004/LAW/11/30/red.cross.guantanamo.ap
). for some reason billy-boy finds it hard to make a connection
between the red cross and the geneva conventions ( icrc.org
). someone needs to resurrect the national organization to shoot
bill o'reilly into the sun. and although you may not be the one
to do it, I commend every leftist post that keeps the spirit alive--
and keeps me from thinking absolutely everyone has become a fucking
fundamentalist nut. |
Well, there you have it. Irrefutable evidence that someone needs to
resurrect
the National Organization to shoot Bill O'Reilly into the Sun.
Unfortunately, nosbois.org
appears to be under construction.
A project of this magnitude simply cannot be on the back burner of
some office jocks already overloaded to-do list. Sorta like my message
board, velocidadsolomente.com,
has been down for the better part of a week and I can't do a damn thing
about it.
It's on a different server. One which is experiencing some "problems"
at the moment. And one I have little, if any, control over. Not my deal,
I'm afraid to say.
Fun stuff, eh?
Sorta like this
scary anti-evolution nonsense coming out of my home state of Pennsylvania.
Of course, Dover is way out in what I like to call "Pennsyltucky". Back
assward ignorant rednecks always fuck shit up, don't they?
Still, a little to close for comfort if you know what I mean.
Here's a little something about the Flight of the Pigs from last week.
I was out of state for the holiday, but I'm sorry to have missed it.
| |
From: Gnome
Subject: eh dude
Yo man,
Thought you'd like a little know about the Flight. IT was good.
About a hundred of us made around that shithole to the south in
a little over 11 hours. Probably 6- 7 of that was actual riding.
the rest was good social assimilation practice that many have been
prescribe by their shrinks. The very cool part was that those of
us that knew Kyle grabbed a flower out of a crate provided by Jim
and Kim at the start, which was in downtown Tempe this time, and
hauled it up to that one spire on the west end of South mtn where
Jimmy-hat hid the eggs a few years ago during the Squealer. I think
you were at that one. A few of us anyhow, I know Dara, Troy and
others were there, hike up to the top where you can see everything,
and set them there. We reminisced a bit about Kyle and then rolled
on. The ride was great and the weather was too. Too bad it's phx
or I might like to stay. Anyhow, wish you were there. Also, Hoss
Rogers (Hossrogers.com) made another 100+ sterling silver finisher
pins with "KB" scrawled on them. Very cool event. I hope you can
make it next year,
G
ps- Towards the end, the mtb types tried their hand at close
quarters road riding and of course, just like last year, they
crashed for no reason. That's funny shit. |
One more and I'm out.
| |
From: Tim
Subject: Try again...Stupor Bowl VIII
Jonny-
Don't you hate it when you think you send an email and then the
web browser goes all wacky and you don't know if it got sent? That
is the situation I am in right now typing this one to you. I sent
one before I went to work this morning and I didn't have time to
rewrite. Well I will rewrite it again. I promise this time it will
be better!
I came home on Friday and I saw a package from the drunkcyclist.com
in my mail box. Then I realized that when I was about to order
some Livewrong bands you were out of stock. I looked at the addressee
and it was my fucking roommate! He ordered some bands. How does
that work? I sweet talked myself a pair and they are hot.
In other news from the upper midwest...
Once again the Minneapolis Bicycle Messenger Association is
holding the Stupor Bowl messenger race. For the last 8 years couriers
have come to our fair city in the middle of winter the night before
the Super Bowl for our own racing fun. Last year the race was
centered around 13 bars. You could race to win, or race to drink.
About 100 racers and a couple hundred people at the party afterwards.
This year is even going to be better with tons of kick ass prizes(word
has it that Gene Oberpriller from OneonOne is making the DFL prize!)
and crews coming from SF, Chicago, Milwaukee, Madison, Philly,
Winnipeg, NYC etc...
Check out the esteemed history of the race at the website: mbma.net
Hope to see a bunch of people up here in the cold midwest. |
My mail server got hammered twice just before Thanksgiving. Something
about "mal-formed spam messages" and what they do to the spam filtering
software I'm running. Aside from that clever description of the problem,
all I can tell you it won't work occasionally. Whatever I have already
downloaded off the server is safe and secure. But, online, it's a crap
shoot. My sent mail folder, inbox and trash folder all suffer the wrath
of spam and are doomed. I often lose a hundred emails when this occurs,
and it happened twice in the space of a week.
I got back from Thanksgiving to 970 emails. Most of the spam and virus
bombs were sorted out to there own little folders so I could go in at
my leisure and kill them off. But the rest are just sitting around waiting
for me to wade through.
Maybe I need to hire an assistant? Gotta be a hotty. And Asian.
One more week and I'll have bracelets. Personally, I can't wait. I
want them. I need them.
|
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