Heard about Ben Barnes yet? He's the guy who said, "I got George Bush into the Texas National Guard. And I'm ashamed of it…" You can watch it on QuickTime over at the Greater Democracy website. Just right click and "save as".

Sticking with the Josh Marshall links, did you catch this new spin on the War on Terror. Now, apparently, it's unwinnable by definition. Something many of us had said all along, sorta like the War on Poverty of the War on Crime. You can never defeat such an enemy. That much had been clear from the word Go.

The trick now is how they'll sell it to the flyover States of our fair Union.

Check out Erik Saunders site. I don't know the guy, never met him, but I wish that I had. Very funny stuff.

And, is anything cooler than soundboards?

Seen this one about the Pentagon and Flight 77 yet? I think not.

From: abomb Subject: move to DC It's the perfect backfall for his patrol area-a densely populated neighborhood where another officer is always right around the corner. Of course, someone will eventually have to get out of his cruiser, but it doesn't necessarily have to be you. "Personally, I don't run anymore," the veteran continues, just before amending that statement: "For a beer or a bag of weed, I wouldn't chase you. But if you just killed somebody, or sexually assaulted somebody, then yeah, I'd go after you." Washington City Paper All politicians love to say stuff that no one would logically rebut. It's the art of meaningless cliché. Well I say: fuck that. Crispin Sartwell And as Bill Hicks used to say: "Gays in the military? Let me tell you what I think. Anyone DUMB ENOUGH to want to be in the military, should be let in. End of fucking story."

Right on.

From: William C. Subject: politicalcyclist.com You're entertaining when you talk about bikes, porn, and beer. Really. You'd be a good dude to go on a ride with, knock back a few beers, etc. But as for politics, you suck at it. In my mind you have a lot of nerve talking about republicans 'exploiting' a national tragedy. Wanna see exploitation? Watch a few John Kerry interviews from 1971. Watch the video of his salute during his speech at the DNC. Or worse, read his book, "The New Soldier". A vet I know sent this to me this morning, with the subject: 'This about sums it up for me'. I think you ought to read it. chronwatch.com/content/contentDisplay.asp?aid=9359

I'd knock back a beer with you as well.

Now, John Kerry has his faults. I'm not looking to make out with the guy. All the Vietnam Vets who are so angered over his post conflict behavior certainly have the right to be so. Equating Kerry's actions upon returning Stateside to those misguided fools who "spat" upon and "threw human waste and rotten fruit" at the Soldiers coming home is flimsy at best. The stupid hippie dingbat hit you with a rotten orange was certainly not John Kerry.

I do not support the War in Iraq or the admittedly un-winnable War on Terror. I call George Bush an asshole for invading Iraq. That does not mean I blame the common soldier for doing his duty. They are two very different issues and should not be confused with each other. Again, I will link Crispin Sartwell's well worded article on the subject.

And now I have a question for you: How can a Veteran feel so much Anger and Resentment at John Kerry and not be every bit as Angry and Resentful towards those who ducked service through family connections?

How can one support these Chicken hawks in our current Administration? These men who did not server as young men on Vietnam, but would send other men's sons on the battlefield?

Doesn't that bother you?

Because it bothers the hell outta me.

On the Eagles, who lost two (2) preseason games recently. But I still love them.

From: Faux-Cutter Tom Subject: Welcome Back!!! Hugh Douglas!!! ONCE HE GOT over the shock of being released by the Jacksonville Jaguars, coming back home to the Eagles was "basically a no-brainer," Hugh Douglas said last night, after agreeing to a 1-year contract with the Birds. that is fucking huge!!!! that guy was the heart of the team...... and once he hears all those fans yelling for him he will be ready to kill people.... EAGLES!!!! p.s. no vuelta=lame!! i would gladly return the money i got paid in france this summer by OLN for doing the lame as stuff that they the made me do (yes i feel a bit like a used hooker in a scat flick) if OLN just carried the live feed for the last hour in spanish...i just wanna watch the race... how could they do this to us. oh yeah and tom danielson got munsoned by being left behind by those italian bastards. the guy is in killer shape (mt evans). that is all...go birds!!!!!

Oh, and in case you're wondering, I gave him the Faux-Cutter moniker. I'm sure he's going to like it. Just fucking love it, I'm sure.

Maybe I can get 'ol Tom to share some of his better stories with the site? And why not just bring it up now and embarrass the shit outta him first?

From: the professa Subject: (no subject) dude. How about Giuliani's speech? Giuliani said in his speech last night that he grabbed the chief of police's arm, as the towers went down, and said 'Thank God George Bush is president?!?' Gimmie a friggin break! I don't care if you're a Bush supporter or not, that has got to be the biggest load of horse shit I've EVER heard. And for Giuliani to stoop to that sort of lie to sell a candidate is disgusting to say the least. I mean, c'mon - he's disgracing the civilians, police and firefighters who died that day by telling such a bold-faced lie. What's next - a re-creation of the event with Giuliani holding up a can of fucking Dr. Pepper as the building goes down behind him? Republican or Democrat - I don't care - celebrate and have your convention. But any sort of branding utilizing such a tragedy for political gain is pathetic at best. PATHETIC! Oh and Here's a fun little exercise - listen to the speeches and replace the word terrorist with Communist. Gee golly, it sounds like the 50's again. FUD and rhetoric for political gain. Stop. Listen. What's that sound? Everybody look what's going down. The sad fact is Bush will probably win. That makes me wanna puke.

Yeah, I caught Giuliani's speech. It was really something. I wanted to like the guy, but I just kept getting caught up in it. I can almost see the Dr. Pepper ad already.

I am kinda sad I missed Arrnnooolllddd's speech while I was out riding my bike early this evening. I'll bet that was one speech worth hearing. If only for a few chuckles with the movie references and "girlie men" comments. A veritable linguistic tour de force, I'm sure.

It's a good thing the bike ride was pretty damn good, or else I might actually be upset about this shit.

And we just can't have that.

From: Larry R. Subject: Bush SUCKS This type of shit pisses me off.... F bush. news.yahoo.com It's about Bush and the Bush administration's plan to allow logging, road building, and development in certain areas of the Appalachian Trail. I am from south eastern PA and have enjoyed a lot of the trail, from Georgia to Maine, for many years. There is plenty of other land that bush can ruin, the trail should be left alone. If he gets his way what's next? Retirement communities in Yellowstone? Golf courses in the everglades? Or how about high rise condos along the Grand Canyon? This should not be allowed to happen. President Clinton was right when he declared the trail off-limits to this type of activity. That is how it should stay. Just one of the many reasons why he's a fucking tool. Did I say F Bush? If not, F Bush

I don't know what's next with these people. I just hope it isn't "four more years…"

Monday, August 30, 2004

dear sweet christ   I   it's killing me   I   yasmine

So, who's kicking off the shit fest in NYC for the Republicans this year? Oh, it's none other than Sheri Dew.

Back in the saddle again. Just in from a weekend wedding blitz up in Alta. Man, did that ever go by fast.

When is it ever enough? Is there ever enough? Just fill in the blanks and you'll see what I speak of.

I was traveling through Kanab, Utah, on the way up to Alata this past Friday when a funny thing happened. Now, Kanab is your run of the mill, hot as fuck, right wing Mormon outpost shithole of a town if I ever saw one. And, it must have been Cowboy Days weekend as well. They had the streets channeled down to one lane in each direction, wanna be cowboys and cowgirls everywhere and a bunch of bastards in period dress sitting around tents hawking their wares. Even some old movie stars I'm told. Not that I hung around to find out, far from it. I was trying to get the hell outta Dodge. And pronto.

As I sat in my un-air-conditioned car slowly sweating through my clothes and generally just enjoying the heat as traffic was stopped for what seemed like a hundred dressed up bozos taking their dear sweet time to cross the road, I was passed on my right by a dozen horseback riders. Ang looked out the window at the massive muscular beasts lumbering by, up at the great big denim clad country girls riding along, and back down at the horses:

"They're beautiful animals because they fucking exercise, fat ass!"

I have never been so proud in all my years with that woman as I was at that moment.

Life made easier with pictures. Not quite the stature of My Pet Goat, but a close second. From blackvertising to Richard Kern and everything between. A thousand points of light? Not hardly, buddy. Not around here.

This is bush country. Or, so they say anyway.

How they hell should I know? I'm planning on voting for the "French looking Kerry".

And what the hell does that even mean anyway? French looking?

Shit, they way this is going, I'll be moving to France soon. Pack my bags, and let the bastards have it. For a little while anyway. I've got a world to see in the meantime.

Listening to the Republican National Convention on the radio, because I cannot stomach the thought of actually watching it. Not only fearing the visual overload of greed heads, which is bad enough on it's own, but the fucking coverage put forth by the major networks is akin to a big pile of steaming horseshit. At least as far as this humble scribe is concerned.

First thing I heard as I sit and stir together honey and peanut butter, 'cause I'm on the cheap, was Bernard Kerrick, whose name I no doubt misspelled. He is a former Police Commissioner from NYC. And you bet he was there when Nine One One hit like a ton of bricks.

A quick note: I'm just beginning to listen to this drivel, it's just started, the first night, and already I'm sickened by the complete and total exploitation of September 11th. Is there no shame with these people?

Kerrick drove the point home for me as he segued from 9-11 to the "bravery" and "courage" of George Bush as he visited the troops in Afghanistan on Thanksgiving. Some line about flying in under the cover of night and landing on a darkened airstrip. Nope, no shame. John Kerry is a coward becaue he was only "scratched" in Vietnam and George Bush is a fucking hero because he rode on an airliner.

Shit. Maybe I've got what it takes, eh? I could sit on a plane while a professional pilot flew me out to visit the troops. And then I could stand around, serving up mashed potatoes as I smile for the camera. Maybe even wheel around a big platter of turkey, just like my brave and courageous President. Maybe someday I can be President too.

The next speaker is telling me how great the Patriot Act is, how it has helped our great country, and how it must be renewed. He dismissed such issues as the Right to Council, and the Rights of Privacy that the Patriot Act steamrolls straight over. I thought conservatives were in favor of small government? I guess I was wrong.

Just when I thought it could not get any fucking lamer, NPR's Andrea Seabrook (again, I'm sure I butchered the name) was prevented from interviewing Michael Moore by Secret Service Agents. Really. They stopped it just as he began to speak into the microphone.

These people know no shame.

Moore is at the Convention as a daily correspondent for, I think, USA Today. If you can believe that one.

Heres a fun story. When I was up in Utah, one of the breakers flipped on me back in the house I rent. I don't know how long it was on the off side of things while I was gone. It wasn't until I returned and noticed something was amiss. The answering machine first told the tale. Not that I had a message, but that the thing wasn't even on. Nor was the phone. The lights didn't work either. It was then I knew what was going on.

So far, everything that was without juice was in the bedroom. And I was surprised to find out that my refrigerator is on the same circuit as my bedroom. Interesting wiring you got here, chief.

The real bitch revealed itself as I opened a very warm fridge. Not kinda warm, but really warm. Sorta like Kanab, Utah. The orange juice container, yogurt, and all leftovers in Tupperware were swelling out like so many over inflated beach balls out in the sun on a warm beach in July. To put it bluntly, it was fucking scary to see. I thought something would explode if I shut the door to hard. Great. Just great.

I picked up the orange juice, assuming it would be the least dangerous of this gang of blow fish, and gave it a squeeze. Firm. I put it bac, slowly closed the door to the refrigerator and walked away from that train wreck.

I'm going to be cleaning this up when things cool down a little.

Like, in a couple of days or so.

The radio coverage went back to Seabass, I mean, Seabrook, as she attempted interview of Michael Moore again, and the same thing happened. The Secret Service did not allow the interview to happen. Apparently, Moore is on the floor of the Convention, as are hundreds of other people, and the NPR spokeswoman is being prevented from speaking with him.

If this is happening in the way it's seems to be at this moment, it is a very, very sad day for our Republic. A man should not be silenced on the merit of his views in this country. I am ashamed of the behavior of these Secret Service Agents. If, of course, it is really playing out the way it seems to be.

I was laying on my sofa as the drunken rabble of a Munich Beer Hall shouted "Four more years" over and over again after John McCain's comment on Michael Moore, when he calling him a "disingenuous film maker". McCain is playing the part, the strong supporter of his party. I can only imagine he is ensuring another chance at the Presidency after the Bush years come to a close.

And, I think he just said something about a works where "love is greater than hate", "freedom" and, are you ready for this, "might makes right".

I'm stronger, so I'm right?

Oh God. This fucking sucks.

Talk up the soldiers. Good. I like that move. No one questions the bravery of the common soldier. No one takes for granted their sacrifice.

But by phrasing the argument as either supporting, or not supporting, the troops, these bastards attempt to drag things such as "patriotism" into the mix. Another good move. These guys are good. Very good.

Can someone tell me what a greater threat than war is?

I tell ya, its enough to break a man.

Thursday, August 26, 2004

sydney moon   I   sydney moon   I   sydney moon

There has been some sickness about the house this week. First my significant other, then, alas, me. I'm not quite up to snuff. I've held off the worst of it, but I'm afraid I am not firing on all cylinders. Good thing I'll be "taking it easy" and driving up to Utah tomorrow for a wedding.

Not mine this time. One is enough for me, thank you very much.

Ah jeez, check this out over at Hightower's site. I'll bet that makes ya just feel great.

And is that wasn't enough…

From: Bert Subject: 14 years is not enough Jonny, Here is one of those make you feel good stories. pressdemocrat.com/apps/pbcs.dll Here is the worst part: " Albertson didn't tell authorities who had responded to reports of his wreck that he'd hit anyone, and O'Reilly's body wasn't discovered until later that evening"

Jesus Fucking Christ.

Just when I think it couldn't possibly seem worse, that I've heard it all, that we've finally hit bottom… It gets worse.

And, no, I don't think 14 years is enough either. I don't know how much is, come to think of it, but damn. That is one hell of a heartbreaker.

Some things, on the other hand, are just plain fucking silly.

From: Axles O'Evil Subject: Your Bigness, Scope this out: newsday.com/news/local/longisland/ Kid's lucky he wasn't wearing a shirt from Intercourse or Blue Ball, PA; French Lick, IN; Dry Prong, LA; Crappo, MD; Climax, MI; Weed, NM; or Gaysport, OH. The school would be calling in John Ass-croft for a cavity search. The headline writer really stepped on his dick here, too. He should have gone with "Idiots masquerading as educators get student in trouble." Might have had trouble getting that one past the slot man, but fuck, you gotta live a little, especially on a copy desk in Atlanta.

Don't forget the every popular town of Bird in Hand, Pennsylvania. Oh, those nutty Amish. Will they ever learn.

Actually, I have no idea if there are Amish folks in Bird in Hand. And I'm from Pennsylvania. I guess you could say I didn't really pay attention too much when I was growing up.

Much besides my penis, that is.

From: Nic the Dick Subject: hey punk What up big J...Doing some surfing and found this....A race made for the gnome.....gnome fest

Yep, that looks like it's made for El Gnome-0 all right. Too bad it's 1,800 miles away.

From: Damnit Janet Subject: more SSWC pics Sorry to bother you with so many emails. Better pics posted out to the web: http://wendysphotos.fotopic.net/c266356.html (pics taken by a girl that includes girls) http://www3.mtb-news.de/fotos/showgallery.php/cat/4666 (pics taken by a man, includes mostly naked and cross dressed men) hasta

You mean this pic was taken by a woman? Be still my beating heart. And, on a side note, why is homeboys watch sitting on his leg like that?

Check out my man Rudy keeping it real on a fixie. Word to Dejay. And to Damnit Janet too. That girl rocks.

All I can say is I wish I was there. Instead, I was totally shit piled and broke after Leadville. You know what they say, buy the ticket, take the ride.

Bad things come in threes?

From: crotaline Subject: this makes it a trilogy Never has it been so obvious how dumb most of the U.S. REALLY is... Combine this with "American Movie" ( americanmovie.com ) and "Trekkies" ( trekdoc.com ) and you have a slice of americana that is truly hard to swallow. As David Sedaris wrote, the hardest criticism of americans abroad Comes from other Americans. Too true.. (this director is not, but I am, and living in Munich makes it all the harder to stomach people like these when they refuse to get even a phrasebook to get around with.) I just found out they are making a Trekkies pt2. THAT scares me. That there is enough material to make a SECOND documentary is just... chilling. movies2.nytimes.com/2004/08/26/movies/

You're damn straight it's hard to swallow. I'm surrounded by fucking morons. It's a good thing I drink.

Looking for a good time fuck at work? Well, I got it. Check out kontraband.com. You find more great videos on that site then you'll know what to do with. I know I did.

Scroll down a bit and check out the vid of Bush shoving both fists in his mouth attempting to describe what a "sovereign nation" is. Destined to become a classic. If it isn't already.

From: chris Subject: puppet bush Ok, I am not one who thinks that Bush is evil. Nor do I think that he is the root of the problem, he is merely a puppet. Someone else's hand is up his ass, that's for sure. Some called it Freudian, some just called it a slip, look and listen for your self, I am convinced it was deliberate, and meant to slap us in the face, maybe just to see if anyone is paying attention, I know I am. prisonplanet.com/articles/august2004/

And, for balance, there is a John Kerry slip up at the bottom of the page.

More on Bush from Howell Raines. You may have to sort out a username and password for that site, but it'll be worth it.

Another good time fuck, this one requires actual reading, is the Counter-Evangelism Resource Page. And who doesn't need a little of that in their lives?

From: Brad Q. Subject: Fucking shit up Big Jonny - Just writing to let you know that I'll be fighting the good fight in New York City this coming weekend. The Republicans are invading, and it's high time to send their asses packing. rncnotwelcome.org Raise the fist. Fight oppression. See you soon.

Right on.

I'm heading to Utah for a wedding this weekend, so don't expect any updates for the next couple of days. Keep the rubber side down out ther folks.

Wednesday, August 25, 2004

elizabeth kelly   I   lesbians rule   I   penny flame

You want entertainment? This is entertainment. For about 30 seconds. Then it's back to bitterness and depravity.

From: P-Dub Subject: RE: Did you send me an email this morning? Oh yeah, the town I live in is quite the playing field. Let's see I have completely worn out (As is ass fucked) all the pawns, raped the Knights, Corn holed the King, and filled every hole of the Queen like a Twinkie. There is nothing left for me here but a bad name, boredom, frustration and embarrassment. This ain't Phoenix bee-ahtch. Oh well. Lots of hunting, bike riding, motocross, dog training and home improvement to be done. Sweet Jesus do I love (and miss) pussy though....

And, I thought it was good to be the King? Not around an ass-pirate like you I see. Good luck with those "home improvements". They should help you get in touch with your "feminine side". You queer.

Lets just get right at it and start this off with a nice little collection of Bush jokes. Sorta like shooting fish in a barrel, but fuck it.

From: Bert S. Subject: Bush Jokes "President Bush went out touting his economic record in Ohio last week. Now this is a state that lost 225,000 jobs since Bush took office. You know, if Bush wants to tout his record, he should do it somewhere where the Bush economy has actually created jobs, like India, or Thailand, or China." Jay Leno "President Bush has unveiled his first campaign commercial, highlighting all of his accomplishes in office. That's why it's a 60-second spot." Jay Leno "President Bush says he has just one question for the American voters: Is the rich person you're working for better off now than they were four years ago?" Jay Leno "Kerry is well on his way to reaching his magic number of 2,162. That's the total number of delegates he needs to win the Democratic nomination. See for President Bush it's different, his magic number is 5. That's the number of Supreme Court judges needed to win." Jay Leno "There was a scare in Washington when a man climbed over the White House wall and got arrested. This marks the first time a person has gotten into the White House unlawfully since President Bush." David Letterman "A new poll says that if the election were held today, John Kerry would beat President Bush by a double digit margin. The White House is so worried about this, they're now thinking of moving up the capture of Osama Bin Laden to next month." Jay Leno "The White House is now backtracking from its prediction that 2.6 million new jobs will be created in the U.S. this year. They say they were off by roughly 2.6 million jobs." Jay Leno "In Louisiana, President Bush met with over 15,000 National Guard troops. Here's the weird part, nobody remembers seeing him there." Craig Kilborn "President Bush said he was 'troubled' by gay people getting married in San Francisco. He said on important issues like this the people should make the decision, not judges. Unless of course we're choosing a president, then he prefers judges." Jay Leno "The White House has now released military documents that they say prove George Bush met his requirements for the National Guard. Big deal, we've got documents that prove Al Gore won the election." Jay Leno "There was an embarrassing moment in the White House earlier today. They were looking around while searching for George Bush's military records. They actually found some old Al Gore ballots." David Letterman "The big story now is that President Bush is coming under attack for his service in the National Guard. The commanding officers can't remember seeing Bush between May and October of '72. President Bush said, 'Remember me? I'm the drunk guy.'" Jay Leno "This week, both John Kerry and Wesley Clark are making campaign appearance with the guys who saved their lives in Vietnam. Meanwhile President Bush is campaigning with a guy that once took a math test for him." Conan O'Brien "Bush admitted that his pre-war intelligence wasn't what it should have been. We knew that when we elected him!" Jay Leno "It's weird watching President Bush struggle with excuses for why we went to war. As he struggles, it reminds us all what a terrific liar Bill Clinton really was." Craig Kilborn "As you know when President Bush gave his State of the Union Address, it was interrupted 70 times by applause and 45 times by really big words." Jay Leno "President Bush wants to build a space station on the moon. And from the moon, he wants to launch people to Mars. You know what this means. He's been drinking again." David Letterman "The new Prime Minister of Spain has called the war in Iraq a disaster, and plans to bring his troops home as soon as possible. In fact, President Bush is so upset at Spain that he is now threatening to close down the border between Spain and the U.S." Jay Leno "The U.S. army confirmed that it gave a lucrative fighting contract in Iraq to the firm once run by the Vice President Dick Cheney without any competitive bidding. When asked if this could be conceived as Cheney's friends profiting from the war, the spokesman said… "Yes.'" Conan O'Brien "Dick Cheney finally responded today to demands that he reveal the details of the Enron meetings. This is what he said: He met with unnamed people, from unspecified companies, for an indeterminate amount of time at an undisclosed location. Thank God he cleared that up." Jay Leno "Plans are being discussed as to who will replace Dick Cheney if he has to resign for health reasons. It's not easy for President Bush, he can't just name a replacement. He would first have to be confirmed by the oil, gas and power companies" Jay Leno President Bush spoke briefly to reporters before playing a round of golf in Crawford, Texas earlier today. ... "This raises the question: Shouldn't the guy who is really running the country and who has had like 20 heart attacks be taking the vacation?" Craig Kilborn "Man will never be free until the last king is strangled with the entrails of the last priest" - Diderot

Good times. I feel much better now.

From: El Serracho Subject: RE: Buying a beer Oh johnny, where do i begin? I guess i can start by not adding an "h" to your name this time. Sorry about that. I too am just astounded by the accepting behaviour of the sheep in this country. I can only guess they are blinded by greed, selfishness, reality tv, sports, radical christianity, and all of those other great accomplishments of the USA to really pay attention. The fact is that most of the people who support the Bush regime cannot really afford to. They vote for "christian values" and what they get is tax cuts for the rich, they vote for "security", what they get is neverending wars, they vote for "integrity" and what they get is drilling in the west. check this out - latimes.com/news See moab on the map there? FUCK! I guess the biggest obstacle for folks these days is ignorance. I just makes me want to surround myself with smart people who think for a living. Check out Mike Davis - tomdispatch.com The saddest thing for me is just what a terrible terrible option the supposed "lesser of two evils" is this time around. John Kerry wants many of the same things that Bushie wants only slightly different. Makes me want to move to France. Sorry about the overuse of quotation marks.

Don't worry, an "h" in my name is the least of my worries.

That oil drilling shit is wack. I'd like to thank all those bastards driving around in their Hummers for consuming that precious gas like nobodies business. You guys should start painting little stencils of dead soldiers on the door of that fucking tank you drive around.

You know, let people know you care and all that shit.

The lesser of two evils argument had probably never been more accurate. Evil is as evil does, I suppose. And speaking of lesser evil, check out this article I found today. All by myself too. Aren't you proud of fat ass?

So, how much more of this Swift Boat Veterans for Mistruth bullshit are we going to take? Check out what Josh Marshall had to say. And, take the time to connect the dots.

I'll tell ya, I was surprised to see "Hot" Karls fingerprints all over this one.

And, of course, some folks will never see it as I do, no matter what happens.

Bukwyld has even more pics up from the white trash party. God damn if I ain't an ugly bald guy.

Kinda makes me want to beat up on stupid christians, cause even these guys don't like Cheney. Even though it's for far different reasons than I don't trust the man. From the article I just linked: "Although sympathetic to Cheney's position as the father of a lesbian activist, Knight says, "It's one thing to have a problem in your family. It's another to make it a national issue."

Uh huh.

And, I'll be damned, James McGreevey isn't gay after all. He's just "participating in 'gay' behavior…" whatever the fuck that means.

Some folks out there say, as did David Thibault, that "Thursday truly provided a new low point on the moral road to hell." He goes on to state, "There's no courage in wrecking your family and ditching the political office to which you were elected under a fraudulent premise. It would have taken some courage for McGreevey to resist the extra-marital affair, no matter if it involved a male, female or extra-terrestrial. And for the nation's largest homosexual rights group to label McGreevey's decision to come out of the closet "courageous" is the exclamation point on the homosexual lobby's morally bankrupt agenda."

Ok, David, pal, you scare me. Seriously.

Feel as though you might need to defend Rick Santorum at some cocktail party this coming weekend? Feeling a little chapped about out righteous moral stance, are we? Well, look no further folks, with ammunition like this you will be invincible.

You and your Thousand Year Reich.

Where do I find these gems of insanity? Why, it's all right there at the Concerned Women for America website. You too can troll through the mire for big, stinking shit nugget articled as I have. Oh, trust me, you'll walk away feeling like a Nobel Prize winner.

And, let us not forget this bloated wingnut (and yes, I am making fun of his weight) who says: "Southern Baptists have never had a greater opportunity to strike a blow for the gospel and repel the advancing darkness of our time. A significant part of God's plan for bringing redemption to the world is for believers to raise up godly seed to transform the culture. The late great Peter Marshall warned: "Let us not fool ourselves -- without Christianity, without Christian education, without the principles of Christ inculcated into young life, we are simply rearing pagans."

I'm speechless. Just speechless.

Tuesday, August 24, 2004

damn straight   I   nurse   I   redhead for dave

So, I figure, why not just throw another Redhead for Dave out there? 'Cause Dave really likes redheads. And who doesn't? This shit will have you crying like a baby. And why hold back on this either?

After yesterday's politically driven ranting that no doubt drove Snake to drink at no later than 3:00 pm, Mountain Standard Time, I figure I better heave some red meat over the fence to placate the masses. I feel like a new man after beer fueled orgies of sin, horrible, nearly unspeakable suffering on the bike and plenty of good time voyeurism. Ya'll just might forgive me for being such a hopelessly left leaning Liberal. And, then again, you might not.

I've got a clean slate to much up , baby. A trip to Utah in the works and amateur night at the local strip joint to check out. I am a very busy boy.

So it goes.

My man Steve says, "this all seems vaguely familiar…"

As sad as it may seem, I really must agree with him.

Two more quick links, just because I can. One and two, just like that. I'll see you all in hell.

From: Mike Subject: War Records Hey BJ, Sitting around nursing a bad attitude and blown knee from a hill workout on Saturday (Don't ever get old Bra') and reading all this shit on Kerry's war record and Bush's war record. I was in the Army for the better part of 10 years, was shot at and missed and frequently shit at and hit. I'm here to tell you that every knot-head who carried a weapon for his country in some shit-hole part of the world because some politicians decided that the guys they supported a few years earlier are now an embarrassment or (more often than not) now stand between them and something valuable (read -- oil, gold, bananas, etc.) -- deserves all the props a free society can give. Medals are just frosting on a cake made up mostly of shit and blood. They don't mean anything. Think about the purple heart for a minute. . . We used to call it the "I forgot to duck" or the "I zigged when I should have zagged" medal. It symbolizes bad luck! The fact that you volunteered to be somewhere where you could actually "earn" one of the damn things, says a whole lot more. Kerry had all the benefits of an upper class upbringing and the resources to have gotten a deferment. I am almost certain that he (like every other son of a bitch who went over there or was sent over there) had "other priorities." The difference between him and the chicken-hawks who have started this latest mess is THAT HE WENT WHILE THEY STAYED HOME!!! That's all the truth I need to know. He went, he served and he took care of his men. Everything else is "noise and confusion signifying nothing." (apologies to the Bard) Getting home from a shitty place is the only priority for a soldier (sailor, airman or marine (well maybe not marines)). I served in a lot of shitty places and as a soldier and a sergeant the thing I am most proud of is that everyone who went with me made it home -- cowards and heroes alike. I'll let the armchair quarterbacks fight about the rest. I really could give a fuck what they think anyway.

Maybe they should call themselves the Swift Boat Veterans for Bullshit? Whoops, there I go again with the politics. Better stop by the bar on the way home and tip a few pints. You know, make sure I'm still in good with Satan and all that is evil in this world.

A note on that last link: I wrote the guy back who sent that and said, "So horrible. I really must trick others into seeing what I just saw. I can't be the only one screaming when I close my eyes tonight."

And there you have it. I'm a rotten bastard. And you love me for it.

I've seen this one before, and I'm pretty sure I've linked it off the site. But, memories are short and a few good chuckles are always a good thing. Check out cybersex gone wrong.

From: Todd Wells Subject: Olympics!! Hello from Athens I just wanted to drop you a short note to keep you posted on what's going on in Athens. I had been in the French Alps at the base of Alpe Duez for the past week at a training camp with JHK and Mary gearing up for the Olympics. We did some great rides there and even did some of the passes that are in the Tour de France. Yesterday we left France and flew to Athens. It is pretty amazing here. We were met by the IOC as soon as we got off the plane in Greece and escorted to our bags and credentials. Of course our bikes didn't make it but that was not a big deal as they were on the next flight and USA cycling went back to pick them up. We took a bus from the airport with the Dutch MTB team and other athletes to the village where we were screened through security taken to our apartment. The place is so big it's amazing. There are so many great athletes everywhere you look. The most impressive area is the dining hall and could house about 2 football fields. Everyone eats there, even the high profile athletes. The US team has great accommodations, everything you need to feel right at home. We did some training on the MTB course today and it is very dry and loose, a lot like the west coast/ rockies Norba courses. We are all very excited about the race this weekend since everyone likes the course. Tonight we went to the "Points" race at the track and it was incredible how many people were there. Hope you enjoyed the little inside look from the Athlete village, I'll try to do a short update each day. Thanks for the support.

Right on.

Call today porn day for all I care. I'm having fun. And sometimes that's all that matters.

From: tom m. Subject: little david heya pal seems i know a little bit more about little david. little david on... home improvement little davids teacher has a word of the day she writes on the blackboard every morning and then asks the class to explain what it means. todays word is "contagious" and no one besides little david has his hand up. reluctantly she calls on little david who defines it as painting your house with a very small paint brush. "how did you come up with that?" she asks. to which little david replies, " the other day my dad and i were driving back from the store and saw old lady wilson painting her house with a tiny little brush and he said it was gonna take that contagious."

Ah, that little david, what a cute little bastard he is, eh? Can't wait till he grows up and goes to prison. Just like his Daddy.

From: El Serracho Subject: buying a beer Big Johnny, I'd rather buy a beer for whomever is running around Telluride with a magic marker. telluridegateway.com/articles/2004 Scroll down and read the 2nd letter on that link you posted. Funny, funny shit. Keeping it moderately real in OC.

I had read that part about cars getting vandalized and so forth, and didn't really know what to say about it. Beside, the usual Fuck Bush and all that. I'll tell you this much, I can't stand seeing people with W'04 shirts. It makes me fucking crazy.

I swear to god, watching people buy into that bullshit is like stepping into a fucking time machine and watching Hitler rise to power in Germany. What is this, 1938 all over again? Seriously. Those people are fucking sheep. They just don't care who we're at war with, or even why. Even if Bush does have a reason, he'll change the rational for almost anything that seems to fit better at almost any time. Its fucking insanity.

We need tax cuts because we've got a surplus with this kick ass economy. Oh, the surplus is disappearing and the economy is in the shitter? Well, we need tax cuts to stimulate growth. What, it doesn't seem to be working? Well, you had better give me four more years, 'cause I'm telling ya friend, we're about to turn the corner on this one. Stay the course Karl, I mean, I, always say.

We need to invade Iraq because Saddam has horrible weapons and he'll share them with terrorists and they'll use them against us. Just like September 11th. Which happened on my watch, but it's Bill Clintons fault. Oh, there aren't any weapons? Well, it's a damn good thing we went when we did, or else he have them for sure!

We need to take the fight to the terrorists. What? There is no proven connection between Iraq and Al Quada? Well, they all look brown to me buddy, and where I come from, the brown people trim palm trees, steal cars and rape old ladies. I'm telling ya, they're all in it together. You just can't trust 'em. It's a good thing we took the fight to 'em, or else there's no telling what they'd be up to.

Ah fuck, the whole thing makes me fucking sick.

Well, here's to keeping it moderately real where ever you are.

I'm about tapped. Or, as the Gnome would say in a time like this, "I'm tapping out."

He just has a way with words doesn't he?

Monday, August 23, 2004

always with the implants   I   lesbians rule   I   girl bike, bike girl

Hope you got yourself a fast internet connection, 'cause this next one is a doozy. More pics of Aria Giovanni than I know what to do with.

Hey, nobody told me that the the Earth is not moving.

Yeah. And monkeys fly out of my butt.

God damn, people are fucking stupid.

In the Interesting But Scary Department:

From: tom Subject: we're all gonna die! hey pal. thought this was interesting. the top 10 most dangerous intersections in the usa statefarm.com/di/danlist00.htm and 2 of em are in phoenix. way to go ya fuckin hicks! put down yer gawd damn cell phones, hang yer rifle back on the rack and pay attention! oh yeah... ones in philly too. theres a spot at the bottom where ya can look up the nastiest lights in yer own home state. sioux city isnt on the iowa list. not enough cars in this town to make much of a impact i guess. so i have that goin for me, which is nice.

Flagstaff didn't make the list either. I'll take that as a good thing.

How 'bout a little joke action? God knows I could use a laugh on a painfully brutal Monday such as this.

LITTLE DAVID ON ...GETTING OLDER Little David was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar after another. After the 6th one, a man on the bench across from him said, "Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat." Little David replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old." "Oh?" replied the man. "Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?" "No" replied Little David, "he minded his own f------ business!!" LITTLE DAVID ON...PHILOSOPHY A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on little David. He replies, "None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot." The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your thinking." Then little David says, "I have a question for YOU. There are 3 women sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice cream. Which one is married?" The teacher, blushing a great deal, replies, "Well, I suppose the one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone." To which Little David replied, "The correct answer is the one with the wedding ring on', but I like your thinking." LITTLE DAVID ON... MATH: Little David returns home from school and says he got an F in arithmetic. "Why?" asks the father. "The teacher asked, 'How much is 2 X 3? I said 6," replied David. "But that's right!" says his dad. "Yeah, but then she asked me, 'How much is 3x2?'" "What's the fucking difference?" asks the father. "That's what I said!" LITTLE DAVID ON...ENGLISH: Little David goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an example of a multi-syllable word?" David says "Mas-tur-bate." Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, little David, that's a mouthful." Little David says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blow-job." LITTLE DAVID ON....GRAMMAR: One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a show hands from those who could use the word "beautiful" in the same sentence twice. First she called on little Suzie, who responded with, "My father bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it." "Very good, Suzie," replied the teacher. She then called on little Michael. "My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out beautifully." The teacher responded, "Excellent, Michael!" Then, she reluctantly called On little David. "Last night, at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she was pregnant, and he said "Beautiful, just fucking beautiful!"

Ah, it just warms the heart, doesn't it? Sorta like the big lie warms my heart. And chaps my hide. Isn't about time that bullshit stopped?

You want to pick on John Kerry's record? Want to say he didn't have what it takes when the chips were down? Maybe say he's yellow, or some shit like that?

Well, maybe we should all take a long look at what some other people do when the chips are down before we slight a man who received the Silver Star for pulling Jim Rassman onto his boat and saving his life.

Did you read about what happened right here in Arizona back on July 23rd?

Anyone else want to buy Jim Russel a beer?

And why are all these guys named Jim?

From: Joe A Subject: getting chipped Like you said: "I have no idea why I'd want to put one of those on myself. Unless Ashcroft thinks it'd be a good idea. You know, something to balance out the duct tape and plastic tarps we're all going to be carrying around this winter after they postpone the November election until, say, March." I have seen something similar to this that can be traced by satellite. Maybe you can't think of a reason to have one but I'll bet Nick Berg, Paul Johnson, Danny Peal and a host of others could. Unfortunately they can't be reached for comment.

Good point. But I still don't want one.

Josh Marshall labels President Bush a moral coward. And, after reading that piece, I have to agree.

How much uglier can it get? "Republicans said they would seek to turn any disruptions to their advantage, by portraying protests by even independent activists as Democratic-sanctioned displays of disrespect for a sitting president." Read the rest here.

For those of you out there who have taken me to task for saying George Bush acts like a Nazi, I've got something for you. I think you should take this opportunity to go back and review the Burning of the Reichstag and what came in it's aftermath.

Sounds a little familiar, doesn't it not?

All this political bullshit is giving me a fucking headache. How 'bout some good old porn?

This weeks disgusting, perverted and all American galleries:

MpegStation.com
one   two   three   four   five

GooGirls.com
one   two   three   four   five   six   seven   eight   nine

MovieDrive.com
one   two   three   four   five

That is all, good night.

Sunday, August 22, 2004

joelean   I   lucie nunvarova   I   redhead for dave

A whole lotta fun going around here lately. Absolute Bikes put together a nice little mountain bike festival. Even had a bike race. I gave it a shot and came in 6th on my single speed after missing the start. Silly me, I was taking off my arm warmers and not paying attention. Oh well. I'll get 'em next time.

I don't know much about the results. I really should write this shit down in the future. Chris Latham took home the #1 spot in the single speed class. Dara Marks-Marino won it for the women.

Tucson's won Dejay Birch got third at the Single Speed World Championships over in Berlin. I was no where near it and I wish that I had been. I don't know much else about it at the moment, but I expect I soon will.

Last night was the combo birthday party for Big Pun and Snake. I got annihilated and I hope to have some pictures up soon. I think I got home at around 2:30 and passed out cold. I have vague memories of liquor, twister and one hell of a drunken ride home. Today was a mess, I'll tell you that much.

Good thing I didn't have shit to do today.

Ever hear of Fred Nold? I'll remember him now.

Naked girl on a bike? Say it isn't so.

From: Don Subject: loaded school bus runs over cyclist Jonny Big, What's up? Just found out about this tonight: phoenix.cox.net/cci/news Sweet Jesus. WTF is with that? A school bus loaded with kids runs over a cyclist about 5 miles from where I live. Christ, that coulda been me, if I wasn't too damn lazy to ride at 6 in the fucking morning to beat the heat around here. Goddamn, I woulda expected this from one of the idiots in land barge to do this, not a fucking school bus. What the fuck is wrong with the drivers around here? I'm going to save my life and drink another beer . . .

Ah jeez. That one really sucks.

Now, this is my kind of bear. I like how they trapped him with "doughnuts, honey and two cans of Rainier Beer."

If you're going down, you might as well go down in style.

Or at least cause a big old mess. Lines sent this one in saying, "How's this for some bullshit?"

On his way out of office, Republican Rep. Doug Bereuter has this to say:

"From the beginning of the conflict, it was doubtful that we for long would be seen as liberators, but instead increasingly as an occupying force."

"Now we are immersed in a dangerous, costly mess, and there is no easy and quick way to end our responsibilities in Iraq without creating bigger future problems in the region and, in general, in the Muslim world."

Read the rest here Some thoughts on what John Kerry's response to the negative television advertisements which call Kerry "dishonored this country" and go on to say he "cannot be trusted."

I've said it before and I'll say it again, it takes balls to knock a guy with three purple hearts, a silver and bronze star when you stayed stateside in some cushy "Champaign Unit" National Guard post. You have got to be the world's biggest dick to question the severity of a decorated soldiers wounds.

Or, his patriotism, like those bastards did to Max Cleland. And, of course, every coin has sides. The truth is in there somewhere I suppose.

Check out Fuck the Vote. You can make a difference this election year. If you're just willing to give a little of yourself, that is.

From: Joe B. Subject: The World is my ashtray So there I am, doing my outlaw cycling, slicing through heavy traffic, wrong side of the street, watching and estimating a buncha movements at once. You know, I was in the zone. Then, ZAP! It felt like a bee-sting but I knew what it was. Someone had hit me in the neck with a lit cigarette. I watched it ricochet in slow motion to the gutter as I switched my game clock into reverse and recalibrated my motion. Fuck, was no way or time to calculate which one of those motherfuckers waiting to turn right had got me, I was going too fast in the wrong direction and they had a green. Had someone been looking back to tip me off, I would have chased em to the fucking freeway (there are lots of disagreeable lights between here and there). Well motherfucker, whether you meant to hit me and got lucky or you think that the world is your fucking ash tray, FUCK YOU! And everyone else out there that tosses their butts, creating trash, starting million dollar brush fires (which is incidentally good for ol' Pistol Pete cause he get$ paid to put$ em out) and just disrespecting the earth in general. Smoke my cock! Take a few drags on that fatty, oh and "Welcome to flavor country ", you sonsabitches....

Word.

I've been hit with a lot of stuff, but never a cigarette.

Not yet anyway.

Some asswipe from a few streets over flicked one at me back in the day while I was mowing my old man's lawn. I think I was in junior highs school back then. The cockswilller missed and I stood by the side of the road watching him drive away till his car disappeared down the hill.

What a tough guy, eh?

From: Randy K. Subject: # of the beast Jonny I'm not a religious type and I know you aren't either but take a look at this. Pretty number of the beastish don't ya think. Kinda scary www.adsx.com

Yeah, that's fucked. I'm running something like that on, or in rather, my dog. You know, for those times she decides to high tail it on down the road and runs into Mr. Dog Catcher.

I have no idea why I'd want to put one of those on myself. Unless Ashcroft thinks it'd be a good idea. You know, something to balance out the duct tape and plastic tarps we're all going to be carrying around this winter after they postpone the November election until, say, March.

That's it, I'm done. Good night.

Friday, August 20, 2004

cindy   I   jenny   I   lesbians rule

Where did I leave off? Oh yeah, the first feed zone.

I forgot something rather important about that power line downhill. It seems my bars were moving. Yes, moving within the stem. Some mechanic I am, eh?

I told myself, "They're not moving, get on with it." And just kept going down and down that shitty fucking road to hell. It didn't take long for me to realize that yes, they really are rotating backwards and I'm going to fucking die.

I made it to the bottom in one piece, dug around in my back pockets for a tool kit. Found it, got out the 5 mil allen key and, using the recently installed barends that were now pointing straight up in the air, pushed the bars back to where they started. All while still riding.

I got tailed off a little bit fucking with my stem, and I worked with one other guy trying to pull back a group of ten to fifteen riders across the valley towards the second feed zone. We didn't get back on, but having another guy to draft with sure was nice. I'll know next time to make sure I'm with some people through there.

I still had plenty of food & drink as I rolled through the feed at 2:10. I knew I had to be under 2:15 if I wanted to make 9 hours. I was on pace. Looking back, this is the place to stop. Assuming you're a normal human like me and not some alien freak like Snake.

This is where you should get something in ya, bottle of heavy mix, ham & cheese sandwich, fucking anything. Silly me, I just sipped on a drink and had a Cliff Shot. My hands were no longer cold, so I didn't drop any this time.

Flatish roads, some pavement and rollers on the way to the second feed. Not so fancy really. Fun, I guess, but this would be the more boring part of the ride. At least is was for me.

Second feed zone: I ditch the Hydration Pack thingy, empty bottles, knee warmers and all that shit. I stock up on gels, grab three fresh bottles and get moving. I can remember at this point I still felt pretty good. Right at three hours and I'm still on pace.

But not for long.

Start the Columbine climb. The bottom parts is ok, all rideable, pretty smooth and a consistent grade. Just plod along and keep eating and drinking. Hard to do, of course, when you're working hard. But, that said, maybe I as working to hard.

The top of this thing is a major league bitch. Big time trouble. Absolute hell.

I knew I was falling off pace, and there wasn't a damn thing I could do about it. Talk about heart breaking, this hill is it. The top, or the last few miles to the top, are barely rideable. Just loose rock on a shit road. Riders are all over the place at this point. Spread out way up the road in front of you, and way down the road behind you for as far as you can see. Just you and 400 of you closest friends plodding along and cursing.

You can occasionally ride some of the smoother sections, but back in the pack where I was, it's like one guy spins a tire, clips out, and then everyone in line is fucked. After a couple of tries to get going again only to once again spin out your tire and go way to hard for the elevation, you just settle for walking.

And that is one things I should have done a lot more of. Hiking up that thing is friggin hard, especially when you haven't done any walking on purpose in months. Not to mention, who practices pushing a bike at that altitude? My arms and shoulders were starting to feel it as I tried the "two hands on the bars" technique, the "one hand on the bars and one on the seat" and other favorites.

Lets just say I had the time.

Finally, the top. Allow myself a pause to circle around and take in the 360 panorama. Un-fucking-believable.

I'm on top of the world, ma.

Head back down, skid and bump through all kinds of shitty, rock strewn hell, afraid to take my hands off the bars to drink anything for first twenty minutes. The bottom two thirds were smooth and blindingly fast. Haul ass fast.

And pretty damn fun.

Then you start to realize how hard you just worked, that you went way to hard for way over an hour. A lot closer to two hours. Ugh. Eat and drink everything you have. Feel like you're going to puke. Get back down off the hill and to the third feed zone, which is the same as the second one on the way out. All my friends are there, they ask how I am and so forth. And, why didn't you eat all your gels?

'Cause I feel like I'm going to fucking puke, that's why!

I'm loosing it. Gnome is sitting in a lawn chair. I ask him if he's Ok. He's a little chappy, and you'd expect that when he's sitting in a lawn chair letting the race go by him. I ask if he wants to ride with me. "I'm done."

I'm going really slowly…

"I'm done."

I put on a good face for the wife and head back on down the road. I'm fucked and I know it. I really know it. I should have stayed back a bit and ate a whole lot more before I started riding. But, I figured, what the fuck, I can sit on the ground and eat or I can sit on the bike and eat. I might as well be moving.

Doesn't really work that way, does it? I tried to eat and drink as much as I could, to the point I thought I'd toss it all back out if I ate any more. Maybe I ate too much? I don't know. All I can tell you is I was so fucked, so far gone at this point, I didn't know if I could even finish.

Nine hours was out the window, and all I had to do was get there in under 12 for a belt buckle and an official finish. I had till 6:30 pm. I had five hours. And I didn't know if I could do it.

After leaving the feed zone and crossing a dam, the route takes you up a pavement climb. I was so buried I could not ride along the white line painted along the edge of the pavement for more than three pedal strokes without swerving. I have never been so completely fucked in all my life.

I was weaving like a drunk. People kept passing me. I passed no one.

I couldn't hold a wheel. I couldn't pedal in circles. I couldn't even see that good. And, most of all, I couldn't breath very well.

I've had asthma as a younger man, and was even prescribed and inhaler for a couple of years. I gave up on the bronchial dilators, and have mostly been able to ride without needing them. Today was not one of those days. I was starting to have some issues. My breaths became shallow and I could tell I was already getting some fluid buildup in my lungs.

The next couple of hours really sucked. On the way out, it took me about :45 minutes to get from the first to the second feed zone. On the way back in, it took me an hour and a half.

When I got there, I must have really looked like shit. I scared the crap out of my wife, who said later she's never seen me so bad. Except, of course, for the finish. Now that was a new low.

I took on more food, water, mix, wafers, concoctions, and potions in an attempt to salvage something of this day. Some of it worked, most of it didn't, and I somehow kept going.

Going back up the powerline was a nice walk spoiled. I could ride only a few parts, and not many. When I finally crested the top, I knew I was going to finish. I had a long decent, another big ass hill to get over and some bullshit fire roads to ride back into town. I was going to make it for one reason.

I was pissed the fuck off.

I was pissed I was walking and not riding. I was pissed I trained all fucking summer for this death march. I was pissed I was even doing this god damn stupid race, and fuck Snake for suggesting it in the first place. He better fucking win today, because then I won't feel as bad when I put him in the hospital later. If I'm not already there myself, that is.

I was pissed at the asshole who ever thought this race up. I was pissed at the promoter, the town, the sun and the clouds. Fuck all of you I'm going to finish and then I'm never coming back.

You get the idea. Anger will get you through a lot.

The rest went as you can probably already imagine. Slowly and painfully I kept inching towards Leadville and the finish. Each pedal stroke bringing me closer.

I probably got passed by a hundred people in that last hour and a half. Many of them were also hurting, and we were in this together. Many of us talked about the race, how much farther is it, how about the fucking hill, and stuff like that. It made the time pass.

I finished with my tank on empty, running on the fumes of a gasoline memory. The last five miles weren't any harder than those preceding it, just more endless fun for the big man.

I came across the line and hugged my wife.

The next six hours I spend laying inside a sleeping bag, inside of another sleeping bag, inside of Snake's parents pop-up camper with the heat on full blast. The best part was the gurgling noises coming out of my lungs. I was marinating in my own juices, how fun.

I told myself if I coughed up anything resembling blood, I was going straight to the hospital.

Lucky for me it didn't quite get that bad.

Now the worst part is knowing, deep down inside, that I have to go back. That fucker owes me and I intend to collect on my debts.

Did I mention there is a race in town tomorrow and I'm doing it? Call me crazy, but I just can't pass up 30 miles in a single speed. Time to turn off the brain and pedal for awhile.

Follow that up with Big Pun and Snake's birthday party and you've got a recipe for disaster.

Thursday, August 19, 2004

sandy minx   I   alley bagget   I   stacey sanchez

The results from Leadville are online. I came in 313 place, 135 in my category, at 11:12:25.

Thank you, you're a great audience. I'll be here all week. Remember to tip the ladies.

I wonder if I have finally lost the nerve to work on this fucking laptop? I don't know if it's the wacky, narrow, space saving keyboard. The crappy desk I'm using that forces an odd bend at the wrist. The insufficient amount of random access memory. Or just the fact I've been more or less chained to this thing for years.

Maybe it's all of the above. And maybe it's none.

Glad to say I'm off the bike, done with Leadville, and done with a bottle of Chianti. Ladies and Gentleman: I give you the drunkcyclist. I've been good to long, and I must give the Devil his due.

Plus interest.

A gold and a bronze for the good old U S of A in the Olympic time trail. Brother, I'll take it. Amen.

Hamilton doesn't surprise me so much. But Julich did. In a good way. He's fucking due, believe me.

From: Bike Boy Tad Subject: Gold & Bronze Big ups for Tyler & Bobby! It's good to see a couple of American athletes who don't feel the need to act like assholes or are too selfish to give a shit about anything but the bling bling & their images. The Ghetto ball Wetdream team doesn't deserve to represent You & I. I'd much rather have 2 lunchbox guys like Tyler & Bobby donning the Red, White & Blue than having a bunch of selfish, hyped up assholes standing on the box listening to their anthem while dreaming about their next shoe contract. Oh Yeah, Great job Eki !!!! You are fucking IMMORTAL Surly's rule!

Rock that Surly homeboy!

Should I mention both these men have worked with Bjarne Riis, the man once called Mr. 60%? Nah, I probably shouldn't mention that.

From: Response Subject: RE: yo farquad news.yahoo.com/news? People are pissed cause their cars ain't getting as good a miles as the MFG said? Lies? no way! My bike precisely two twinkies per 30 miles, no more no less. But then again I Ride and SUB... xtracycle.com a fatty bike! "I don't know where Osama is, I really don't care. It's not that important. It's not our priority".....George W. Bush March 13, 2002 Well I care. I got something for his punk ass.

Fuck a car. Remember cars-r-coffins.

I'll bet you got something for ol Osama. And I'll bet it's stainless steel and says Smith & Wesson on the site of it too.

I feel pretty bad thinking I haven't mentioned the passing of Rick James on the site. Or, I have and I forgot about it. Either way the man was a fucking bad ass.

Well, I may as well stop beating around the bush and get on with the fuckin Leadville saga. Everything I've written to this point has been shit. And I deleted all of it. One fell swoop of the delete key and this fat drunk idiot is starting over from scratch.

It was all Snakes idea. He suggested it to me this winter while I was sponging free coffee. "Why don't you put in for Leadville with me?"

Why not indeed. Fill out a form, write a check you hope the back account will cover, send it off to a town you never heard of and forget about it.

Still winter here in the northland and low and behold, you made the lottery cut. Looks like I'm going to Leadville. Get out the map, where the fuck is Leadville?

Start training. Talk to Snake about race strategy. Actually start to believe you can finish under nine hours. Forget to talk to actual human beings and not mutant psychos like Snake.

Ah, the funny things that happen in life. The funny painful things.

Ride the bike, easy on the dinner plate, scotch glass and beer mug. Ride bike. Ride. See jonny ride. See jonny sleep.

Pathetic.

Swindle up some support. Panda you couldn't keep away. Never one to miss suffering, especially mine. Oh, he's down by law.

I'll get him back though. I'm be supporting him for the 508.

Never heard of the 508? We'll talk about that one later. Lets just say now I get to see him really suffer.

Leave for the race on Thursday. Thank god the guys I work for are so understanding. Four people in a big gray van with no air conditioning. Head north.

Our narrative picks up on the drive…

A ten hour drive gone way past. By the time we turn east on I-70, I'm stripped down to nothing but boxer shorts. Windows all rolled down. Wind churning through this steel box like a wind tunnel. Communicating by screaming to one another. I pull my nuts out of the bottom of my shorts and ask if I sat in gum.

Funny all 17 times I asked the girls that.

The girls soon follow my lead, not with the gum, but the clothes and it's more flesh than a Greek fest up in this bitch. Hot as fuck without any AC.

It was with a sudden shock, I realized I had forgotten the bladder for my hydration pack. Shit. I can still remember, clearly and without error, getting the pack itself and saying, out loud, I really must remember to find the bladder.

The bladder was drying on a hook, back in the house, as we rocketed towards Moab in the big gray van. A quick stop at the Poison Spider Mesa shop fixes my little problem right up.

As we head to the mountains of Colorado from the dusty wasteland of eastern Utah I gaze longingly out the window at the mesa to the south. Both Panda and I have heard the riding in Fruita is quite good. Maybe someday we'll get the chance to check it out.

With 200 miles to go to Vail and the turn south to Leadville, I'm pouring water on my chest in a desperate attempt to cool off and stay sane. The cooling off part works, but sanity is just not in the cards for the likes of me in this life.

It's Ok, I read the writing on the wall a long time ago.

First night camping, cool but not cold. Stars are incredible. And the perseid meteor shower keep things interesting as well all strained out necks skyward and marveled.

I woke up early on Friday, before six, to get a feel for the weather. Not bad, I thought, I can deal with this.

I would realize 24 short hours later just how wrong I was.

Friday was the "medical check in". Now, I'm not looking to slam the fine folks that run this event. They work their asses off, and it shows. But this sign in early Friday morning deal is bull. I got there at 9:00 am, signed in, go my armband and so forth, and realized I had nothing to do for the rest of the day except spend money in Leadville. Which is exactly the point of the whole thing.

So I rode my bike. Go figure.

Found a nice lake to ride my bike around with the friends I came to town with. I'm racing and they are all just here to support me and have fun. And fuck all if it wasn't the funniest thing I've done in a long time.

Fuck off the remainder of the day. Eat a lot of food, including the spaghetti feed for all racers, their families and support staff. Nice touch, I thought.

They even had free beer. Walking past that took every ounce of resolve and strength I could muster. It was the same kind of fortitude that got me through the following days reenactment of the Bataan Death March.

Kinda made me feel like pullin' a Lynndie.

Wake up Saturday morning, and it's Race Day. It's cold. Far colder than it was Friday morning. Everything is covered with frost, including my bike. Stand around the campsite with Snake & Gnomie eating cold ass cereal and giggling about stupid shit. Its fun knowing you're about to die in a strange way. It's like it's all been set in motion long before and all we can do is play our part.

Call it destiny. Call it Karma. Call it sending in your entry fee in January.

The start was fast and twitchy as one would expect with 750 people winding it up on paved roads heading downhill out of town. Hit the dirt well placed and I'm in the top twenty as we start the first climb. I know I'm in for a long one right off. It's not even 7:00 am and I can tell I'm having a bad day.

It's like that sometimes in racing. Not that I have a ton of experience, far from it. But I've been on a bike long enough to recognize when things aren't going to go my way. I have bad days just riding to work. Sometimes the Monday after a hard weekend my legs are dead. Sometimes they aren't.

Sometimes it hurts more on Tuesday, like your body hadn't even figured out what kind of abuse it took on Sunday yet. The morning of My First Leadville I was not on form. And by the time I finished, I was no longer in show room condition.

And I had lots of time, all day in fact, to reflect upon and wonder what, why and where were my legs. The first climb was cold, as we came up through the valleys mist. Soon enough we were in sunlight, and it was grand. Talk about scenery.

If I called it breathtaking, all that bullshit at 10,000 feet, that would be one hell of a pun, eh?

Coming down off the first big obstacle of the day, flying down some shaded pavement downhill, my hands were so cold I couldn't open a Cliff Shot and not drop it. I decided to wait until the second climb started to eat. First of many mistakes, most of which having to do with "waiting to eat".

In something that fucking long, you make the time to eat and eat often. I realize now I started digging that hole early. And, being the real smart guy I am, I just keep on digging till I hit China.

The second climb was long, consistent and middle ring. Fun, actually. Anything other than that last bitch, that Columbine Whore. That one chugged a mile of cock.

Came down what they call the "power line", a rutted, fast, sketchy, loose screamer that barrels straight off the mountainside. So the climb took you an hour, eh? Well the way down takes 15 minutes. Hope you brought your woodscrews…

And, talk about scary. This thing was off the meter. Dry and dusty conditions kept me from seeing much more that the rider in front of me. The guy in front of him was a shadow. Beyond that second cyclist, it was only ghosts through the clouds of dust.

I hit shit I thought would fucking kill me. Big ruts, g-outs, wheel swallowing ravines and bike crushing canyons that ate up lesser men and widowed many a bride that day. I ran some pretty narrow tires with more air pressure than usual, and they behaved accordingly. Sending me straight to the lowest part of the gully and into the chop.

I survived, like my name was Gloria Gaynor.

I hit the first feed zone and roll straight through it. In my ill fated attempt at the glory of a sub-nine hour ride, I neglected the importance of the first feed zone. I had no one there waiting for me. And, since it came up at just over two hours into the ride, I was carrying more than enough to carry me on.

And, almost more importantly, I was on pace…

To be continued, becaue it's late and I can...

August 18, 2004

fucking hot   I   lesbians   I   ashley robbins

Even at the Olympics, Drunkcyclist is number one. Go figure on that one.

It's been an interesting couple of days for the Big Man. Sure, I'm pretty thrashed after Leadville, tired and all that. Thought I'd take a little "nap" last night, just to rest my eyes before I tackled writing the huge saga of that will forever be known as My First Leadville. What I ended up doing is going to bed at 8:00 pm and sleeping all night.

Aside from the massive sleep requirements I apparently now have, putting the rest of my life together has been a somewhat daunting task. I was out of town for a week, came back for three days, blew everything off that wasn't Leadville prep and split town again for a beating of epic proportions. Now I'm back with a mountain of dirty laundry (making good headway on that, thank you very much) an avalanche of email, an empty fridge, piles of bike related crap all over the place, bills to be paid and generally just a pigsty for a house.

It's a good thing I'm not looking to ride very much this week 'cause baby, Daddy's got some work to do. Especially drink with Big Pun and Snake on Thursday. Those two share a birthday, and will not disappoint.

I made good headway on the cleaning part last night and this morning. Laundry is together enough that I can step out of the shower to a clean towel and into some clean underwear. It may not sound like much, but to those of you who have endured yesterday's underwear and last weeks towel, you'll know it's the little things in life that make all the difference. The floor is yet to be swept and vacuumed, but at least I can see the floor. In places anyway.

I'm down to three slices of bread, no eggs, some hummus, feta, couscous, half a can of peanut butter and one banana. It is what can only be called a grim outlook in the cabinets. The fridge is a vast open space, devoid of anything resembling nutritional value. That is to say, I'm well stocked on mustard, catsup and the like. Just not anything to apply said condiments to. And I'm yet to stoop so low as to call crackers with mustard a meal.

At least my coffee supply is adequate. Thank god for that. Or, Gnome. Or both. I did come back to a nice paycheck, the fifteenth being last weekend and all. So, after a lunch break visit to the bank to cash that fat bastard, I'll be purchasing at half of Basha's current stock of muffins, cookies, bacon and beer.

I'll be fat, happy and drunk by 7:30 tonight.

And, believe me when I say, I fucking deserve it.

Along with the email barrage I've yet to clear up, there are also a few of you who ordered stickers and the like. I appreciate the support and will get that shit in the mail pronto. I'm sorry it's a taken me so long to ship, but you can imagine what it's been like around here.

I was busy trying to put pen to paper, or key strokes to monitor, writing out my own take of Homer, the Odyssey and the Iliad which Leadville is, or was. The endless drive in Shamoo, the camping, the mountains, the early start, early bonk and early exit of our hero. Getting the mad jumble of bullshit, voices of screaming agony and pain in my head into some semblance of a story is far harder than one would imagine. Especially when one cannot focus for more than a fleeting moment. I also cannot see the screen very well, but I imagine that can be chalked up to not wearing my glasses.

You see where I'm going with this? I'm fuckin shit piled. I've hurt worse, but I really can't remember when.

Leadville was harder than a solo twenty four hour race. It hurt worse that each of the six times I've been hit by a car. Including the one where I damn near lost a nut on my stem as my thighs hit the handlebars and burst the clamp bolt, flipping me over on my ass in the middle of an intersection. Having your lower half take a blow like that isn't fun, and pulling down the front of your shorts to see blood in the chamois is even less fun. A half an inch higher and we're talking the difference between a glancing blow and center punching a testicle. Yeah, a car had to hit your bike pretty damn hard for that to happen. And it hurt less that Leadville did. Or, at least it hurt for less time.

I was in a bad way. But not quite as bad as sitting in your car, lighting up a crack pipe while you and the car are sinking into a pond.

Not quite that bad.

I've got a million things to link. So, I'll start with Voltairine de Cleyre whom Emma Goldman called her "most gifted and brilliant anarchist woman America ever produced." I'm sure you'll find something to arouse the emotions at that site.

From: Rob Subject: ESFR 2: Live Sessions Hey Big Jonny, Just though that I'd let you know that the teaser for ESFR 2: Live Sessions has been released and can be downloaded from our site. eastsidefreeride.com/esfr

And why stop with only one email when you've got hundreds of the fuckers queued up like so many cans of sweet, sweet PBR?

From: Brinky Subject: RE: Eagles Good Luck and don't let any coaches or others get you out of your game (i.e. the drunkcyclist). Remember whence you came and who brung you. One thing is for sure, it wasn't any cat 1-2 riders. It was alcohol and boobs and if that ain't enough to get you through that little ditty of 100 miles of non stop climbing to places you should really be carrying oxygen, well then it really isn't a drunkcyclist type of gig but I'm sure you'll still have plenty to write about. Next time we get together remind me to tell you about last sat's ride and the latest shit ol jake was up to. Too funny. I am surprised that guy lets guys like you and me get dropped b/c I know how much he really must enjoy giving us that abuse. I need to get him out on a run, swim, in a business transaction, or in court so i can flip it around on him. What do you think?

I think you'd own him. Don't forget drinking, skiing, drinking and all other things you'd best him at. That weakling is a one trick pony. And I'd like to see that pansy make it through just one season of cheering on the Eagles. Let alone the lifetime of disappointment I've endured. It'd break him in half.

And the white house west is one of the funnies things I have ever seen. Will Ferrel kills it. Check that one out for sure.

Check out what Crispin Sartwell has to say about John Ashcroft's gayness.

Take a look at the top ten ways to tell is Lance Armstrong is getting cocky.

I got this next link with the comment, "Not sure what to think about this one…" I agree. Check out cattle hunter.

In the "you gotta be shitting me" category, I give you the fish tank platform boot. Give me a fucking break. You can also roll hard with the street level pimp suit. Roll hard, that is, until some real street level dude snatches you out your ride at the traffic light and straight beats you down like a punk.

Not that you wouldn't deserve it.

I think one would be far better off rocking the pirate look. It's fly, it's fresh, and ain't nobody doing it.

And, all for the low, low price of $438 bucks. Damn. How you gonna afford any drinks after dropping all that coin?

Answer: You ain't.

Ladies, please allow me to direct you to the fantasy section. Where most of the costumes are below $50 dollars and I'm entertaining a few fantasies of my own. Play your cards right with the promise of some one on one time with one of these fine choices of costume, and I feel pretty optimistic that the man in your life (or woman for that matter) will be very happy to purchase the item in question for you. That's right. Think of it as a gift.

And, last up for tonight before I get back to penning the Iliad, check out slyfoxmtbparts.com. Tons of stuff to drop mad coin on. You can even get a Lance Armstrong superhero lunchbox.

Sunday, August 15, 2004

no links tonight…

Leadville. How do I love thee?

Not very much, you fucking whore.

Snake came in second. Big ups to my man. He's a card carrying badass.

Dave Wiens won again. Dude is scary fast. All day fast.

Gnome dnf'd after some mechanical difficulties at the half way point. He was in the top five at the time. Damn shame. He looked really strong. Just like he always does.

The rest of the Flagstaff bunch I'm not to clear on. Official results will probably take a few days to get online. Here's what I got right now: Powers was something like 6th. Eric top 20. Corey may have broke 9 hours. Joe might not have, although he looked good when I saw him. Cross was somewhere around the ten and a half mark.

Me? I finished. I crawled in at the eleven hour mark. And I mean crawled. I rode the last part of that on grit and nothing else.

But I finished that fucker. Or, did it finish me?

Either way, I just don't care at the moment. It's late, I just drove all fucking day and I'm working in the morning. I'll be putting together something more detailed when I've pulled my head out of my ass.

Good night.

Wednesday, August 11, 2004

this ones a pro   I   elizabeth kelly   I   lesbians rule

One more day. Tomorrow I leave for Leadville. I feel as though I'm heading to my own arraignment hearing. A harsh and inevitable outcome awaits me at 10,000 feet up in the Rockies.

I'm glad the moment is finally at hand. Working towards something for this long will make you crazy. Especially when you start to "taper off" the two weeks prior. Pretty much means sit around and do a whole lot of nothing. Let us not forget, idle hands are the Devils plaything.

My email is in the craphouse again. Something about an overload of spam and virus emails. Maybe I just need to change my email address and get of the world wide web shit list? That would probably help take care of the problem. Or, at least part of it.

And at this point, I'll settle for part.

Katherine Harris: American hero.

Good old Katherine Harris. I can still remember back when she "became a lightning rod for Democratic critics because she served as Bush's campaign co-chairwoman in Florida, defended the process. "The true winner in this election is the rule of law," she declared."

Maybe Hunter S. Thompson is right in Hey, Rube when he describs Florida as "the most corrupt & profoundly degenerate state in the Union. So many of it elected officials are so openly For Sale that politics in Florida is more like an auction than a democratic process. Its Congressmen have been jailed for Felony Fraud, & its Senators have routinely committed more heinous crimes than Richard Nixon was ever accused of… More murders & rapes go unreported in Florida each year than in Corsica & Sicily combined. The state has no Income Tax & essentially no Law. Its cities are ruled by Depraved sots and its Universities are snake pits of cheating & random sex in Public. The libraries are filled with Beer Drunkards looking for Skull sessions & beautiful girls who are proud & Eager to oblige them. Oral sex is more common on the streets of Miami in the daylight hours than anywhere else in America."

Just in case I start thinking Leadville is hard, I can always take a look at Iditabike. Now, that is a hard race. Real hard. I'm only going a hundred miles. Not three hundred and fifty. And, although it may be colder than it is here in Flagstaff, it ain't 40 below.

The only forty I want to see this weekend is sweet, sweet malt liquor.

I saw this today. Fucking Snake, is that guy ever serious?

C'mon Snake, get in the game. You just standing there. You're killing my grass.

I'll talk at ya after Leadville.

Tuesday, August 10, 2004

ride this bike   I   swimsuit   I   toy fun

Remember Tammy Thomas, the American track rider banned from competition for life after a second failed drug test? Yeah, that Tammy Thomas. Interesting article over at the NY Times today about her.

You might get a kick out of this, I know I did. Check out awful plastic surgery. Its worth a look.

Hoorah for Bush. And bush.

And some call it crappuccino. I'll stick to my regular, thank you very much.

I've just finished fixing up the old piece of shit I call a mountain bike. My Kona single speed is a tall drink of water, but Leadville demands gears. I know there will be guys (and girls) out there on singles, but I'm not tackling that monster without something taller for the flats and a whole lot leaner for the climbs. Not this cowboy, not this ride.

On went the new Fox fork, 80 mil of smooth travel with a lock out. A new chain and middle chainring for good measure. The cassette looks passable, and I've mostly kept on top of the chain, so the wear shouldn't be too bad. I'll be riding the bike in the next couple of days to be sure. I have a back up cassette, and it only takes a minute to throw it on, so I should be fine.

Did I mention I'm running 8 speed? With a top mount front lever? I figure eight is plenty with a 32 on the low side. And the old Suntour top mount allows me to trim for those wacky cross gears I just love to run. I do have a rapid fire unit for the back, and why not, it works great.

I may put on some flat bars and bar ends tomorrow. I've been running risers on everything and been happy with it. But, for nine hours in the saddle, I may treat myself to a couple of different hand positions. I figure I deserve it.

Man, I hope this goes well.

From: Joshua Subject: waa waa the sound a jackass makes as they cry... anyway I had been thinking about moving out of So Cal for a while but after getting hit last week by a car from behind.... fuck this place.... Leadville? Ha a smart person would have a friend stash beers on the course for him but that means you have friend that isn't a lazy ass so yea rock that shit and shut down a bar for me... no word on who actually hit me there was an off duty cop who I think was stoned that pulled over immediately to help... he said "it was a red car" good description for a cop I figure but more importantly he got me a fucking ambulance... now I don't know what the deal is with those guys the 3 time I have been in an ambulance... the first time I suffered a blown vein from the emt in training on the way to a 5 mile trip... total cost 2500 this time they hooked it up with morphine but not till like an hour after the incident... they must have balked when I said I had no insurance bc that morphine was shitty.... I was expecting a warm arm and fuzzy feelings... well those fuckers gave me something like 65 units of morphine before I left ·2 hours stay and I wonder how much that shit costs... I don't think it was a real drug I am sure a bong toke would have helped more than that generic morphine... yea to bad ricky williams wasn't around to hook it up. I was reading about the rant over at stolen underground... I have no idea who the author is but he sounds way to sober... "drugs are bad" coffee and beer be drugs... my 2 week prescription of vicodin is gone after 6 days and didn't really help but... now that's its gone I can resume my diet of bud and budweisers.... good luck at leadville keep makin circles and if you can't get "stashed beers" I always know that gin and juice go well in the camelback

I'll be aiming for circles, but I'll probably settle for squares. Nice, efficient squares.

And gin might just be the ticket. I'm planning on swimming a few laps in a bottle of scotch when it's all said and done. Because I deserve it, that's why.

Big Pun can't make it up to the race to watch Snake, Gnomie and myself throttle ourselves senseless. So, he's doing the next best thing. He'll be sitting down at Pay' n Take drinking beer for nine hours while we race. Pop in and join him if you can, he should be getting updates via cell phone. Channel the pain through Big Pun.

And then that bastard and the other bastard Snake are having a birthday midweek. Can you believe they were born on the same day? It frightens me.

Whatever. All I know is that I'm going to get shitfaced with the two of them. Why? Because I deserve it.

Monday, August 9, 2004

gina taylor   I   julliet   I   xara diaz

Ladies and Gentlemen, boys and girls, friends of all ages: We got ourselves a mountain bike festival. And, as if that wasn't enough already, during that festival, coming up on the 21st of this month, in two short weeks, we have ourselves a race.

Check out this course and tell me that doesn't look like more fun than all get out. The single speed race is 30 miles long!

Get to it and sign up for this one folks, I hear it's filling up fast. Everything except the single speed class. So far its only me and one other guy. And we're both doing Leadville the prior weekend. So come on out, up, over, whatever direction it happens to be and beat up on us two stupid, dumb as a post mother fuckers who are going to try and race for thirty miles on a single speed after murdering ourselves in Leadville.

It ought to be fun.

Fun like Ragbrai.

From: Dave Evil Subject: You suck You missed Ragbrai, and you eat a mile of cock for doing so. Too bad there'll never be another one, as Evil destroyed the entire states infrastructure, power supply, and police force. I doubt they'll be reconstructed by the time July '05 rolls around. Fuck off.

I'll sleep a little better tonight knowing the one and only unwashed horde which is Evil plowed through Iowa yet again like a plague of locusts. Burn deep and wide, my friends, let them not forget Evil.

And, you know, it is true what they say; it sure is good to come home.

Home of course being a rental property in the cozy mountain town of Flagstaff, Arizona. John Kerry was here last night, how about that? I went downtown, and it was packed. Wall to wall people. I didn't make it long enough to actually see Kerry after flying in from the East coast in the morning and making the brutal drive sans air-conditioning up from Phoenix in the midday heat. It was way the fuck over a hundred in the Valley, with little relief until we just about breached the Mogollon Rim coming back up I-17. It was hell, absolute fucking hell.

I didn't feel to bad about giving up on John Kerry's train, turning around and walking home at 10:05. Laying down and passing out to the cool night breeze through the window was a little slice of heaven for this big bastard.

Today was one of those exhausting days where you try and put things back together. Unpack bags, sort laundry, crawl back to work. And try not to worry too much about Leadville looming large on the horizon, big scary fucker that it is.

Someone asked me today if I was ready. I answered, I'm as ready as I'm going to get. I just hope that's enough.

I kinda know it will be, but that doesn't do much for holding back the nervousness. I'm looking at my bike and wondering about tweaking this, changing that, and generally just fucking things up. It's all in the head at this point and there is not point in worrying about stupid shit.

From: Bob B. Subject: Leadville thoughts Hey Jonny, Just remember when you finish Leadville you're gonna feel like you swallowed a yard of cock. If you don't finish, you'll feel like you swallowed two yards. Best of luck!

I'm aiming for a sub-nine hour performance. I want a big ass belt buckle. If I don't hit it, I'm not going to hang myself. I'll just settle for the smaller belt buckle and call it good. Either way, I figure I'm going to drink myself stupid in the bar afterwards.

Fuck it, I've earned it. Good way to long and all that.

I've got email coming out of my ears. I think I've finally hit the point where I cannot reply to each and every email anymore. Nice when I can do it, but too many sit around for two weeks before I work my way through the pile. I kinda figure most folks won't worry too much about it. Just know I get them, read them all eventually, and appreciate it.

My man DeCanio is exactly pulling any punches, now is he? This is the squad, who do you think he's talking about?

Let me just say, I hope it isn't true. I'd like to believe we field clean athletes in out Olympic teams.

Until I hear otherwise, that's what I'm going with. Now, if your name is Oscar Camenzind, well, you're pretty much fucked these days, not ain't ya?

But, another Oscar, this one with the last name Sevilla, is going to have a very good Vuelta. Mark my words.

And we've always got women's racing to look forward to. Even if Haywood didn't make it to the Olympics.

From: Joe B. Subject: Oh fuck this laptop will die die die can you hold that?? fuck you I had sumin important to say but, it got swa;;owed///

Sounds a bit more like my laptop than I care to admit.

Remember Kristin Armstrong? She ran her first marathon in 3:48.

And that's a whole lot better than I could do.