Chef Leon informed me the On Campus Tanktop Alert Level (OCTAL) is now "RED". Good luck not stacking it into the bushes trying to ride through that mess. The off season talent recruiting has gone well for Northern Arizona University. My sweet alma mater. God damn, I need some friggin side blinders to ride through campus these days.

But, I still have to give the nod to U of A. That place is off the meter.

These excerpts from Oui magazine's 1977 interview with a younger Arnold Schwarzenegger over at the smoking gun is too good not to share. In fact, I'd almost call it a must read.

Let's be clear on this, I have nothing against Arnold. Fuck, the guy sounds like a good cat. In 1977. As for the Arnold of 2003, well, I don't relate to that filthy rich wanna-be-Governor mother fucker so much.

So I found this silly little Bill O'Reilly video on the foxnews page this morning. Yep, even I check out faux news for the right leaning slant from time to time. Know thy enemy and all that. In this video, which I cannot link directly and is far to big and clumsy for me to host myself, O'Reilly pontificates on the California recall election.

He's take is what you'd expect, rah rah rah the Dems have tanked the state and Schwarzenegger is the best possible solution. That much I pretty much expected. The part that surprised me was when he attacked the California media, newspapers specifically, and labeled them as insufficient and blinded by partisan politics.

"Why is the media so opposed to the will of he people? In the beginning of our country, the press was set up to keep an honest eye on the powerful. The media in America has largely become ideologically driven, its more important to certain newspapers and magazine to push an philosophy than it is to honestly evaluate performance…This is simply sad, that the press has become so compromised by partisan politics that it cannot figure out the people are getting hosed. The people still hold the power in this county, but it is not easy to know the truth these days because it's hidden in a fog of partisan politics."

Who's blinded by partisan politics? Ah shit, where do I begin? First off, the press was never "set up" to so anything. You wanted a voice, you wrote, printed and distributed leaflets and pamphlets detailing your point of view. Some were good, some bad and the test of time has sorted them out accordingly. These days you can just get yourself a web page if you want to spout off like a jackass. (And I do)

Is O'Reilly suggesting himself to be above pushing "a certain philosophy" in his right wing slanted rants? I find him to be almost completely predicable on almost any news story. He swings right down the party line, almost to a t, rarely straying from the pack if only to try and rant a little louder than the next guy. For fucks sake, he's still pushing the whole tired "boycott French products" shtick on his site.

That's a good idea in our big wacky global economy. Pick on companies with French names, formerly French owned, French looking products and maybe, what, 51% French employees? You think that makes any fucking sense at all? Jeez.

So, perhaps the "truth" really is "hidden in a fog of partisan politics" after all? Fuck it. I just link porn.

This site, this place, this experience called one on one bikes looks pretty fucking cool from where I'm standing. It's everything I've ever wanted from a bike shop, and I'm been working in them for ten years. I'm pretty much a lifer at this point. Three time loser? Fuck, try four. Four different shops. I had to really think about that one for a minute.

Anyway, the one on one deal is the real. I only wish Minneapolis wasn't so god damn far away.

Monday, September 29, 2003

zdenka   I   spearfishing?   I   nikki nova

A cyclist failed a dope test? Say it ain't so. Well, at least this time it really is dope. Fucking smoke it, baby. Why anyone cares about smoking weed is completely and utterly beyond my comprehension.

Cyclingnews has the story. You just have to scroll down a bit to find it.

Free beer for the homeless? Fuck, sounds like a good idea to me. But, again, what the fuck do I know?

Upcoming events calendar stardate o nine o loser. We are a bunch of fucking wackos. Make sure to check this shit out, the Tour De Fat. If you're fat, or just want to be, consider yourself my personnel guest.

Like I've got any fuckin pull around here. I think I've been suckered into helping "lead" one of the intermediate group rides. Yeah. I lead by taking my rightful place at the back of the bunch.

Check out the Soul Ride. It's going to be a big fun time.

From: Ron Subject: Big Ups! yo! serious big ups to drew miller for the phat finish to a dope year on the bike! my man was the shizznit on the mizznit at mt. graham. and check it, i am the hardest climber in the country, and D Mill just straight played me--but i ain't hating. drew...mad props playa, 'cuz your ride was off the hook! much respect to the DC nation

Ron, you are the fucking man. Feel free to write in with that ebonics laden prose any damn time you please. Shit. I fucking love that guy.

And what I know about the Mt. Graham race would fill a thimble. From AZ cycling, "Drew Miller smashes Mt. Graham record by about 1-1/2 minutes. More info on the AZ Hill climb Championships when it become available. "

Yep. Sounds like the Dru Miller I know and love. Handing out beatdowns and holding a full time job. How's that sound to all you Heath Net boys, eh? I'll bet you guys can't wait to see him down in Bisbee and out at Gila again.

I know Jake the Snake can't wait to go.

From: BH Subject: what a fucking joke nice work inflating jake's ego more than it already is...but get fucking real! you actually compared Petacchi and Jake Rubelt...now that's fucking funny!!!

Yeah. Made ya look.

I tell ya what I can't believe, I can't believe I forgot to share my excitement in yesterdays triumph my by beloved Eagles. They actually won a game. Nothing short of amazing, really, after the first two weeks of the season I was ready to stick my head in a gas oven and just end it all.

I can once again hold my head up high. Well, sorta.

Sunday, September 28, 2003

lana   I   nikki nova   I   lesbians rule

What a great end to the Vuelta. I still can't believe Heras pulled it off. Amazing. And, holy shit, Petacchi is the fucking man. And then some. Five stage wins. If he lived in Flagstaff, they'd call him Jake Rubelt.

From: Erwin Subject: big stupid hooters First things first, I visit nearly every day and I don't tell ya enough how much I enjoy reading your stuff. I think you've got your head on straight, and that's a rarity these days in the current US political climate. Second, I don't know if it was just dumb luck or on purpose, but the last gallery link in your latest post points to the late Paige Summers who died last week. Yep, she was hot and had big hooters, but somehow managed to translate fame and fortune into an early exit. morganton.com

I'm always glad to hear folks are digging the site. But, I'm never that glad about people dying. Her story is no upbeat, happy ending tale. That's for sure.

I'm starting to get comfortable with this whole no ridey thing. I haven't kitted up and gone for a proper ride since the beating I received on the way to Jerome.

Alas, it must soon end. I'm going to start up with the riding again in October. Oh yeah. Good times ahead.

From: Brad Subject: A new Bubb Rubb remix Hey, here is another Bubb Rubb link for you. Some guy in Dallas remixed it. I got it off of some "off road forum" called DORBA, that is, Dallas Off Road Bicycle Association. Here is the link, enjoy. http://66.221.157.59/

I never get sick of that guy.

Saturday, September 27, 2003

nikki benz   I   nikki nova   I   for sheezy

Holy shit, what a great end to the Vuelta. I thought no way in hell is Heras going to make up 1:55 in an eleven k time trail. No way in hell. But, he did just that. Fucking unreal.

I wish I had seen that one on television instead of just following along online. But, I can't really complain. I couple of years ago, we had a sum total of dick for race coverage online or owtherwise. Now, we gets all up in that shit.

Think Heras can lose 28 seconds in any sprint bonus shenanigans tomorrow?

Here is another Bubb Rubb link. That dude is the fucking man. I'm just waiting for his new rap single to drop. How dem whistles go? They go woo woo.

The Soul Ride hits off in less than a month. Are you ready for the pain?

More of what my jaded world view has come to expect from, well, just guess.

From: Mike Subject: cracker it turns out that the whole Iraq game of rebuilding, is absolutely INFESTED with republicans close to Bush, the twenty billion is really kickback money to the domestic supporters talkingpointsmemo.com/sept0304.html if you follow through all the links, the people poising to kickback thru Iraq are BushCo former asswiper, former dicklicker, former hair parter, former belly button lint hair puller, it is fukking amazing ..... I fukking like that turn of phrase ... "... kickback through Iraq ...."

Here is today's joke.

A successful rancher died unexpectedly and left everything to his devoted wife. She was a very good-looking woman, and determined to keep the ranch, but knew very little about ranching, so she decided to place an ad in the newspaper for a ranch hand. Two men applied for the job. One was gay and the other a drunk. She thought long and hard about it, and when no one else applied, she decided to hire the gay guy, figuring it would be safer to have him around the house than the drunk. He proved to be a hard worker who put in long hours every day and knew a lot about ranching. For weeks, the two of them worked, and the ranch was doing very well. Then one day, the rancher's widow said to the hired hand, "You have done a really good job and the ranch looks great. You should go into town and kick up your heels." The hired hand readily agreed and went into town one Saturday night. However, one o'clock came and he didn't return. Two o'clock and no hired hand. He returned around two-thirty and found the rancher's widow sitting by the fireplace. She quietly called him over to her. "Unbutton my blouse and take it off," she said. Trembling, he did as she directed. "Now take off my boots." He did so, slowly. "Now take off my socks." He did. "Now take off my skirt." He did. "Now take off my bra." Again with trembling hands he did as he was told. "Now," she said, "take off my panties." He slowly pulled them down and off. Then she looked at him and said, "If you ever wear my clothes to town again, I'll fire you on the spot!"

This guy, Wes Borland, is off the meter wacky. Good for him. Go get 'em cowboy.

This is some really fucked up shit. These religious wacko just plain scare me. Now, don't get me wrong, worship whatever you want. Jesus, Budda, a fucking pine cone, whatever. You just do what you gotta do.

But, check out this site about a creation science education fair. Just on its face it seems a bit implausible, as in creationism is the wholesale denial of science. So, how can you have a creation science fair if the two concepts are so at odds?

Well, that's just the fun of the whole thing. I doesn't' have to make any fucking sense. This is about faith. And you just can't win an argument against that.

If you read around the site, and you may have to scroll down a bit, there is an article on a woman's place in the world. "Jonathan Goode (grade 7) applied findings from many fields of science to support his conclusion that God designed women for homemaking"

Now, I haven't made a lot of friends with this whole porn thing I'm doing. (who am I kidding, of course I have) But, for fucks sake. I'm not coming to any conclusions like our young and confused pal Jonathon, who concludes, "social sciences show that the wages for women workers are lower than for normal workers, meaning that they are unable to work as well and thus earn equal pay."

You have got to be kidding me.

This isn't science, it's ignorance. And a fair bit of hate thrown in for good measure.

And speaking of hate and ignorance, check this out.

From: Lonny Subject: Another Radio Station about hurting cyclists. Hello. My name is Lonny. I live in Fayetteville,NC. There was yet another incident of a radio station talking about hurting cyclists on the road. If you will please post this so more people can get the word to this sorry ass radio station that their morning show host needs to be fired. Thanks. trianglemtb.com/#g105sucks

There you have it boys and girls. Unleash the Dogs of War and let the email barrage commence.

Friday, September 26, 2003

veronica zemanova   I   gauge   I   big stupid hooters

Rolling back up through Oak Creek Canyon with a surprisingly sober Big Gay Randy behind the wheel. Greater powers of resistance than I, for I am loaded. It seems riding in a VW bus is much like riding a bike, you are passed by every single vehicle on the road.

People are blowing by us like we're standing still.

"Whisky river take my mind, don't let her memory torture me…

I had never been to the Sedona Cultural Park before tonight. It's a nice, midsized outdoor venue on the south side of town. The parking is completely insufficient as we ended up way across the street at the back end of a high school. There was a football game, a little one sided on the scoreboard when I checked, twenty to nothing. I can't for the life of me remember the teams.

No matter, I had more pressing issues at hand. Namely the Angry Hippies concept of "short cut". I had to agree with his nearly infallible dippy hippy logic that, yes, the shortest distance between two fixed points is indeed a straight line. But, does it necessarily follow that we're going into the bush?

Stumbling through cactus and across rock, running across a highway like illegals making the mad dash for glory. We made it. No broken bones, no spilt beer. Good times.

I really should mention I alone had proper shoes for such an endeavor. Pumas. No sandals for this jackpole, thank you very much.

"Whiskey for my men, and beer for my horses…"

At four dollars a beer, this is going to be putting a giant sized dent in my wallet. It's just mean spirited to charge that much. At least they've got 16 ounce cans of ice cold Bud.

It's a nice touch, don't ya think?

I can die happy knowing I've seen Willie Nelson in concert.

Thursday, September 25, 2003

flower   I   winston   I   veronica zemanova

Schroeder Iron to end. Read about it here. The story broke Monday, so you know I'm really up on current events.

How many more of the current crop of domestic cycling squads are going to tank this year?

Lets hope it's none. We need elite level cycling. We also need women's professional soccer in this country. It's a shame when the economy gets tough and sport sponsorship suffers.

Yee fucking Haa. Yesterday I said I didn't know anything about the WADA, and I meant it. In the spirit of lifelong learning I've been playing catch up. Someone in the WADA had leaked a bit too much info and it pissed of the UCI, but the UCI is always pissed off so fuck 'em. More squabbling with Frenchies.

So, the UCI answers by withdrawing their recognition of WADA observers. Pretty straight forward tit for tat bullshit. Where am I going with this? Well now the WADA has sent the ball back over the net by un-banning caffeine and pseudoephedrine for use by cyclists during competition.

Que?

Now, people are up in arms stating, and correctly I might add, that by un-banning selected drugs you are effectively indorsing their use. More about that here. Not that I've got anything against caffeine, mind you. I'm a totally junkie. Hell, I'm going to get another cup of the black goodness right now.

All I know is that the guy running the show over at the WADA is a fella by the name, are you ready for this, Dick Pound.

Send her home, Dick.

Wednesday, September 24, 2003

gabriella   I   tera patrick   I   nina mercedez

It has come to my attention that many of you may have pointed the pornolizer as my webpage with little effect. Dare I say I am immune to 'pornoization'? Or, maybe, I'm already all porned up and ready to race out of the box?

Either way. It's a win-win situation.

Sleep good tonight knowing that.

Me. Drunk. Again. Tell me something I didn't know, right? I can thank these assholes now for tomorrow's hangover. Fuck it, I'm going down in flames. Mirror Pond swang dangy swill Pale Ale.

Tomorrow I'm going to see Willy Nelson with Big Gay Randy and the Angry Hippie. Ain't I a lucky son of a bitch?

Stuff I know next to nothing about but still laugh at.

From: D Subject: Big swinging D I firmly believe that in our life there are no real coincidences. That being said.. and the fact that the now UCI banned WADA (World Anti Doping Agency) has a president named Dick Pound. Read between the lines...

Every once in a while you read a little something and have to ask yourself, who's the man.

Old news, but a good article. Share the road.

Oh, this one just hurts.

Some links from Laura.

Tuesday, September 23, 2003

bianka   I   seasoned veteran   I   susana spears

This next email may be the end all dcpolitik. For a little while anyhow. Yeah. Even I get sick of saying Bush Co. sucks donkey dick. And the email, well, it's that damn good. This guy Ken is absolutely right, all these politicians are the same suit spinning the same crap. I'm no champion of Clinton, really, even though I do paint myself into that corner quite often. Sure, the ship was heading in the right direction with him at the helm. More or less. But now we're not even in the right ocean.

From: Ken Subject: uhhh....you forgot that Clinton also killed innocent people How many "wag the dog" "wars" did we have while Clinton was in office?Remember the "bioweapon factory" he bombed when the blowjob fiascowas unveiled? Turned out to be a pharmaceutical lab. No evidencewas found. People were dead.Then there was the "lob missiles at Saddam" thing and don't bothergoing in to finish it, but, hey, at least there weren't anyAmerican casualties. As for lying about a blowjob, don't forget that he did it underoath. Perjury is a felony...if he just admitted it, it wouldn'thave even been an issue since everyone believed he did it anyways.. We'll always get crap like this until enough people get sick ofit and vote non-career politicians into office. Vote Libertarianif you truly are sick of all this like I am :-)

This just in. Oh, it just smells fishy, don't it?

In answer to current email trends, no, I do not think Gorgeous George is gay. Not even close. I don't have any inside info that paints him as fruit salad. Quite the contrary, actually. I hear he pull more trim than most of us could ever hope to lie about.

We all know it. You can't find a group of road girlies without discovering, yes, at least one of them thinks he's hotter than July. Same with Super Mario. Chicks dig that guy.

Now your all going to think I'm gay.

It's a good thing I got this in the mail today as well then, isn't it?

From: Nick Subject: How to tell if you're gay.... 1. If you are over thirty and you have a washboard stomach, you are gay. It means you haven't sucked back enough beer with the boys and have spent the rest of your free time doing sit-ups, aerobics, and doing the Oprah diet. 2. If you have a cat, you are a Flaaaaming homo. A cat is like a dog, but gay - it grooms itself constantly but never scratches itself, has a delicate touch except when it uses its nails, and whines to be fed. And just think about how you call a dog..."Killer, come here! I said get your ass over here!" Now think about how you call a cat..."Bun-bun, come to daddy, snookums!" Jeeezus, you're fit to be framed, you're so gay. 3. If you suck on lollipops, Ring-Pops, baby pacifiers, or any such nonsense, rest assured, you are a Gaylord. A straight man only sucks on bar-b-que ribs, crab claws, raw oysters, pickled pigs feet, or breasts. Anything else and you are in training to suck El Dicko and undeniably a fag. 4. If you refuse to take a dump in a public bathroom or piss in a parking lot, you're in a deep homosexual relationship. A man's world is his bathroom, he defecates and urinates where he pleases. 5. If you drink decaf coffee with skim milk, you like a high hard one in the poop chute. Coffee is to be had strong, black, and full aroma. A straight man will never be heard ordering a "Decaf Cafe Latte with Skim" and he will never, ever know what artificial sweetener tastes like. If you've had NutraSweet in your mouth, you've had a cock there too. 6. If you know more than six names of colours or four different types of dessert, you might as well be handing out free passes to your ass. A real man doesn't have memory space in his brain to remember all of that crap as well as all the names of all the players in Rugby league, Rugby Union, Cricket, The Premiership, PGA, and F1. If you can pick out chartreuse or you know what a "fressier" is you're gay. And if name ANY type of textile other than denim, you are faggadocious. 7. If you drive with both hands on the wheel, forget it......you're hungry for a meat popsicle. A man only puts both hands on the wheel to honk at a slow-arse driver or to cut the twat up. The rest of the time he needs that hand to change the radio station, eat a hamburger, hold his beer, or play with the bitch in the passenger seat. 8. If you enjoy romantic comedies or French films, mon-frere, vous le Gay, oui? The only time it is acceptable to watch one of those is with a woman who knows how to reward her man. Watching any of the above films by yourself or with another man is likely to result in SHC (spontaneous homosexual combustion), which is what happens to fags when they flame out too quickly.

Well, thank God for that. I am such a man. Oh yeah.

From: William Subject: A democratic congressman who's actually been in Iraq writes... http://jimmarshall.house.gov/pr03-09-22.html

I have to agree with Josh Marshall on that one.

Monday, September 22, 2003

here piggy   I   nikita denise   I   see you in hell

Email out the fucking ass. What a bountiful harvest. Love it or hate it, it's email time up in this bitch. I'm tuning off my brain and just diving in. Join me, won't you? That waters fine.

From: GK Subject: bikes sites? Damn Johnny, Can you recommend any websites that might have to do with bikes, beers, and boobs? I enjoy that stuff. The politics not so much. I have been bothered before, but haven't bothered to say so, up to now. No, I'm not a leftist. Efraim about our weekly post-ride over coffee political arguments. I often enjoy hearing opposing views. I'm not coming to you for politics. I guess no one forces me to read the site, but damnit I enjoy the rest of the stuff. I wish you'd cut that political ranting out. Now, not for nothing, but since you posted all the political b.s., I'll weigh in a little. I really am bothered by anyone that insults rather than intelligently disagrees and then explains their point of view. I tried not to say things like "Clinton is a piece of shit, crooked, draft-dodging, lying, cheating, friends-that-could-testify-disappearing, a-hole." I would try to say something like "he has clearly set a bad example with his behavior and his lack of honesty. I don't think that demonstrates the best qualities for the leader of the mightiest nation in the world." So Johnny, say "I disagree with the decision to go to war." And "I absolutely do not believe in the weapons of mass destruction rationale, that by the way has proven itself to be unfounded." You had a recent e mail from Sean in which said he'd probably never vote any party but Democrat. I hope he means that part about "probably". I hope anyone with an open mind will realize that no party has it all correct. Take a look at the issues, the stances, and the candidates. Voting any straight party ticket without thinking it all through for yourself is a bit scary. Yes, I lean right. But I still look left and see some things I like.

I will agree with you that no party has it all correct. Never has and probably never will. Now, Clinton had his shortcomings, that much I'm certain of, but his single biggest failure was lying about sexing up a fat chick.

If you haven't been hoggin', jumped out a window and then went on to lie about it, well, I feel sorry for you. You haven't lived.

I can't very well hold that against the man. And the way people went after him, tried to impeach him, to destroy him. That was hard to watch. You think our current President is somehow more honest? I think not.

Bush. I say a lot of insulting things about the man, sure. My mind is overwhelmed tying to "intelligently" disagree. The massive scope of the willful, preconceived and totally self serving deceptions the current administration has heaped upon the world is almost completely indescribable. And unbelievable until you crack open the paper, turn on the news and see, yes, we really are in Iraq and Afghanistan. And we really aren't getting out any time soon. And we have no plan, and I think we never had one from the beginning.

Clinton lied about getting a blowjob and Bush is killing people.

From: Brian Subject: Does George putt from the rough? I mean, think about it: No one that I know of has ever heard of the guy having a girlfriend or anything, and he has his own clothing line. But the kicker for me was the goddamn pictures from his web site with a bunch of half naked dudes hanging around the tour bus. I mean, holy shit man, the only thing that could make those pictures gayer is if they were sipping mineral water and reading Boy's Life magazine, for crissakes. hincapie.blogspot.com I mean, look at this shit: hincapie.blogspot.com/tourbus1-800px.jpg

Ah fuck, that shit is pretty fucking gay looking. Maybe they're all just good friends?

From: Wonder Weasel Subject: Pornolize that shit Friggin' funny. Translates any site into a porn site. www.pornolize.com Check out the whitehouse pornolized Its like that

That rocks. Word. Check out mad dog media with the pornolizer on full tilt. And every time you refresh the page, you get all new pronofication. Word.

Ah shit, what else we got?

From: Dan Subject: Gates… no no hells pass yeah so a friend says to me lets go ride gates pass before work. i think what the hell sounds like fun. first time going up that son of a bitch, go up the front feel good. don't turn around, go down the back. no problem. think that we will just ride to another street, or something like that. nope. turn that shit around and back up that mother fucker.. what a motherfucker. 31 miles, 17.1 average speed, 43mhp top speed. now on the work for 10 hrs. then on to the bar that is 100 feet from work, and 0.9mi form the house. i gotta say today is a good day.

Sunday, September 21, 2003

aria giovanni   I   sandee westgate   I   april summers

It's been a few days since I've even managed to get my stupid ass online. I'm like a junkie with this shit. Sick, sick, sick. I feel totally and completely lost without my daily fix of porn, news and email. I'll have to work on that for the future.

I did a little traveling this weekend. Hanging out with the wife, driving around looking at things and the like. Even went out and swung the sticks for nine holes yesterday. I had not picked up a golf club in two years, if not longer, and it showed.

I attempted to hit a bucket of balls out on the driving range before my round, but the range was closed because Jesus hates me. So, first tee box, I'm swinging that thing like a fucking baseball bat with predictably poor results. It got better as the day went on, as most things do. My long game never came around, but the short distance stuff became much more enjoyable as I fucked up less and ball placement was almost controllable on the green. Then the putting, well, lets just say there was a lot of three putts.

And three putts fucking suck.

From: Scott Subject: Hey big fellas Two deals: 1. We have been hosting a monday night race here in downtown tempe for most of the summer, and the entertainment continues. Today, we are trying out the new course, and it should be entertaining. details are all at www.tbag.us. This certainly isn't worth driving up (or down) just to race around with a bunch of scrubs, but if you happen to find yourself passing through on a monday, it might be entertaining enough to stick around in the heat. I will extend the offer to buy any of you all the $2 beers you can drink in an hour. 2. I am running for MBAA chairman, because I am sick of all the shit and am willing to work to change the organization into something that could be cool. I'm finishing up my manifesto and will make it available to the public shortly. Expect changes aimed at real advocacy and not just a machine for putting on a shitty race series. The election is soon, like a month or less. I figured I'd make sure you guys are aware. Let me know if you know of ways to keep this sinking battleship afloat.

Ha, your website is called tea bag dot us. That's badass.

Airports are some fucked up shit. I'm at the Fox Sports bar in Phoenix on Friday, it's smoky, loud and by God, they serve alcohol. I'm on my second drink of the day, a day which promises several. I'm on a bit of a vacation.

The dramamine is starting to kick in. My flight should board in about twenty minutes. I'm slugging a draft beer and recovering from the battle with rush hour traffic. I left Flagstaff at 5:00 am, just in time to hit the Valley as it becomes a parking lot. As a resident of a sleepy mountain town who rides his bike everywhere, this kind of thing can really elevate the stress level. But, I'm out of the car now and I'm working on a buzz instead of trying not to kill myself. At least for a little while.

I secure some reading materials at the magazine stand, Time magazine with Jonny Cash on the cover and the New York Times. That outta hold me for a while. I've even got a couple of drink tickets, courtesy of America West airlines after the last time they jerked me all over the place.

Fuckers.

I notice as I'm getting on the plane that I stand out from the crowd ways other than my height and white man afro hair. These folks are carrying on Coach, Eddie Bauer and Burberry bags while I am rocking Timbuk2 and Blackburn. I've seen more than one bracelet that, I'm sure, costs more than my car is worth.

No worries. I'm not here to impress anyone. I honestly couldn't care less about any of that shit. I'm here to read the paper and have a few drinks. And that is all.

The flight north out of Phoenix is always easy on the eyes. We can look down at Sedona, the Mogollon rim, Flagstaff. The Peaks spread out under us showing how, yes, the top really did blow off that thing didn't it? Very cool viewing. I can see all the stoopid road loops I ride and think about how I was just frigging there and couple of hours ago.

Get up, drive south, get in the plane, fly north. See the Grand Canyon and then the Arizona Strip, that wedge of land cut off from the rest of the state by that greatest of geological wonders. That's where all the wackjob fundamentalist Mormons live. Hey, maybe having multiple wives is a good idea? How should I know?

They must be better men than I. One wife is more than I can handle most of the time. I can't imagine why I'd ever want to "double the fun", so to speak. I'll stay with what I have, thank you very much.

Conversation behind me. "So, what do you do?"

"Oh, I'm in sales."

Sales. They always draw it out, saying saaaaalleeess. Why is everyone in sales? Or, perhaps more importantly, how is everyone in sales? Doesn't someone have to be on the manufacturing end of all this? Who makes things anymore? Or, does that all happen overseas these days?

Well, I've got 338 emails waiting for me, I'd better get to it...

Thursday, September 18, 2003

chrissy moran   I   cutie   I   another cutie

I caught Jim Hightower's gig last night at the Orpheum downtown. It was pretty damn entertaining. I've read a couple of his books and check his daily blurbs on his site, jimhightower.com. I'd really recommend that gentleman to all of you.

Saturn to end it's sponsorship of an elite level cycling team. Sounds like Danielson got out just in time. For all of you hopefuls out there, snatch up the talent while it's available. Riders of that level don't come cheap, and don't hit the auction block often. Belly up to the bar and buy America's next domestic super team.

More thoughts on the Worlds.

From: john Subject: no subject Hincapie does not know how to win, and being tagged as the leader makes him marked and puts him under pressure which he can't handle. The yanks have basically no chance other than luck or the Wops underestimating somebody. Forget Hincapie even if he is (slightly) stronger than Horner, but Och has no strategic skills whatsoever and never did. Has Hincapie won more that one race in the last 4 years? Not to be a total Hincapie basher, but it was only Nico Mattan's idiotic tactics that gave him Ghent. Italy has nine guys stronger that our best.

Hoo boy, lets hope it goes better than that up in Hamilton. Truth be told, I figure Hincapie will be way to tired to accomplish much. Two Grand Tours will have worn him down more than I think he has the capacity to recover. But, fuck it, I'm still pullin' for our boys. I'd like to see someone like Horner make a break that sticks. He's tough, that's for sure. It'll be good to watch. Kinda wish I was making the trip up myself.

Kennedy steppin' out, finally.

How about that Wesley Clarke? I'm thinking he's got the winning combination of traits to take this thing. The reluctant General, running 'cause he feels it's his duty. I could go on, but why not just read about him here.

How about them apples?

Big Tex lost in the Big City. God save us all.

From: Tex Subject: Fetish Night Monday night, four curious souls drive home through the darkened streets of their unknown city. What goes on in this city? Where are the beats of music? The swilling of beers? Do the Springs citizens close their minds and doors early on this evening? Not at Industrial Nation. Not on "Fetish Night." "Fetish Night" and "No Cover" in bright white lights catches the eye of the coaches. Why not? Life is short and you don't want to die wondering. What is a fetish anyway? Webster's New World Dictionary defines "fetish" as: 1.any object believed to have magical power 2.anything to which one is irrationally devoted 3.any non-sexual object that abnormally excites erotic feelings Sexual. It says "sexual." Now, we must investigate. Dressed from work, we enter the door. The black clad bouncer reaches out his tattooed arm and checks our Ids. I ask, "What's on the agenda tonight?" In between his 6 lip rings he replies, "Three DJs, shows on the stage, and bondage at the 'merchandise booth.'" We open the door to an industrial thump sounding off the lyrics of Rammstein and Nine Inch Nails. Blackness encompasses our new environment. Under the black light, we introduce ourselves immediately. We are the white in the black. Eyes wide open; we make our way to our safety net-the bar. Out of a mouth surrounded with black lipstick comes, "We have big Mason jars and small Mason jars. Light, medium, or dark beer all the same brand and no plastic" No plastic. That's all we Residents have at this point. "7-11's down the street and on the corner." We exit the bar and start walking. Walking sucks, and the convenience store is 4 blocks away. Two leave by car never to return. Two walk the blocks and return for the big Mason Jars of dark beer and a night to write about. We grab our beers and find two chairs on the balcony looking down to the dance floor. The DJ changes and a trance techno sound travels the airwaves. Two girls next to us straddle each cuddling caressing each other. A nurse with a riding crop strolls the dance floor whipping the asses of 6 catholic schoolgirls. A forty year old cross dresser hangs on to his purse as he flashes his panties to the crowd. A guy binds a girl to a cross with saran wrap. Two women dangle from ropes on the stage in a hog-tied position. A man locks himself in stocks while a hooded person lightly feathers the dust from his back. Whack! Whack! Next to him a girl spanks another girl tied to a post. Still in awe, we realize that half of our compatriots dance topless except for the electrical tape covering their nipples in the shape of an "x." I taste my first drink of beer. I take in deep breaths of cigarette smoke. I hear the sound of leather slapping skin. I see tattoos (fake and real), multiple piercing, mohawks, leather pants, spiked dog collars, and knee high boots. Where am I? Are these people's souls free and living out their fantasies or are they living out the fantasies their environment has decided for them? What is different? Why am I here? In between glances at the 6 silhouettes erotically dancing, I decide nothing is different. I am where I am. They (we) are striving for adrenaline. Whether that be from the pain of a whipping riding crop or from pushing a single speed gear up the most coveted steepest single track. The sharp piercing pain gives us the feeling of being alive--the feeling of conquering fear. "Fetish Night" is just cycling with an erotic twist. The two leave a couple hours before closing. Now, few know how the night ended or didn't end. There is next Monday night-"Fetish Night."

Wednesday, September 17, 2003

aria giovanni   I   stacy valentine   I   penny flame

Old news by now, but still totally fucked up. A cyclist shot in a road rage in Kentucky. You'd think those redneck would be nice people and all. Yeah right.

Check this kid out, makes you think this country has a fighting chance.

From: Sean Subject: hey can't remember if i ever sent you this link punkvoter.com they actually use cnn and washington post articles to back up their information. check it out if you get the chance. i'll finally be able to vote this next election, no republican is getting my vote. i doubt i'll vote any other party than democratic. even though most democrats sold us out, i actually like howard dean, he's more of a progressive, not too sure though.... he seems really quiet maybe even a bit weak, makes me think if he would really be running the show, or his "advisors". what we need, someone who will fix our nation and not try to fix another, let's resurrect teddy roosevelt. voting for a 3rd party at first seemed good. but after doing a lot of reading i discovered that republicans will actually endorse third party campaigns to split democratic votes, which will of course bring republicans out ahead. can't win unless you cheat. later

Dude, you fucking rule. Vote ever chance you get. It's the only way to make your voice count. Well, aside from donating a couple of million to the campaign coffers, but we ain't talking 'bout that.

From: RJ Subject: Breaking News Bush Lays Off Congress; will Outsource Lawmaking to India Citing the growing cost of running the Federal government and the need to cut costs in order to reduce the budget deficit, President Bush announced today that he was laying off all 535 members of Congress and transferring lawmaking operations to a legislative support center in Bangalore, India. "Hey, outsourcing is the way to go these days," said Bush at an impromptu news conference where he announced the decision, adding, "The American people want to see less government waste. Since every one of those ex-Congressmen had a salary of $150,000, this move will cut our costs by over $80 million per year, and that's not even counting what we'll save on health insurance and retirement plans." Sources indicate that the Indian replacements will be paid approximately $250 per month. The outcry from the newly laid-off Senators and Representatives was swift . Ex-California Senator Diane Feinstein said, "This is absolutely outrageous. How can a bunch of replacements over in India run Congress? What do they know about filibusters and committee hearings?" As she was being escorted out of the Hart Senate Office Building by U.S. Capitol Police officers, Feinstein complained that the newly-terminated lawmakers were only given 10 minutes to clean out their desks and leave the building. "I think it's a great idea," said Vice President Dick Cheney, speaking from a secure undisclosed location. "The American people were fed up with that expensive do-nothing Congress which didn't give the President everything he asked for. Our new Indian replacements will be much more cooperative to the President, which is what we all want." Asked whether the outsourcing may be unconstitutional, Cheney noted, "That's up to the Supreme Court to decide, but they never pay much attention to the constitution anyway. To them it's a 'living document' that will be different every day. The new members of Congress seem thrilled with the attention they are receiving. Speaking from the offices of All-India Legislative Support Centre Ltd. in Bangalore, new Mississippi Senator Ramchandra Shektar Gupta told reporters, "The Indian people are very hard working and we will do our best as U.S. Congressmen and Congresswomen. And we are going to have some fun too. Just think: we have $2 trillion of the American taxpayers' money to spend!

So, I've got this hot potato in my inbox. And I mean a hot mother fucking potato. The news is a few days old, actually, like over ten. But it's still on the down low. I figure I'm going to catch hell for posting this. But, then again, I catch hell for damn near everything I post on this pill party website.

Why start caring now? Just like in racing: Compassion = losing. This is the long list for the US Worlds team. The final selection was due to take place on Monday the 15th. I haven't heard what's up with that yet.

From: way anonymous source Subject: 2003 World's Team Selection-REVISED The following riders have been selected for the long team for this years World Professional Road and Time Trial Championships. ROAD Automatic Qualifiers: Mark McCormick Tom Danielson Chris Horner Additional Automatic Qualifiers: George Hincapie Floyd Landis Bobby Julich Levi Leipheimer Guido Trenti Reserve Qualifiers: Chris Baldwin John Lieswyn Michael Sayers Antonio Cruz Daniel Pate David Klinger Christian VandeVelde Fred Rodriguez Damon Kluck Tim Johnson TIME TRIAL Reserve Qualifiers: Bobby Julich Floyd Landis Tom Danielson Levi Leipheimer

There you have it. I didn't post the whole thing, just the highlights. Most if it was the usual boring shit that nobody needs to read. I was especially fond of the line, "Hincapie is the Team Leader and everyone will be expected to race for him and follow the direction of the director sportif. All Additional Automatic Qualifiers and Reserve Qualifiers that feels that they cannot live within this framework please let us know and we will remove you from the selection process."

Not really beating around the bush, are they? Well, it has to be done. Some guys need it spelled out for them. And quite clearly at that. You, get up there and pull. Your job is to hurt and hurt bad. Winning? That's Hincapie's job. Any questions?

Lets not have one of the implosions the Italians were so famous for each and every year leading up to Super Mario's triumph in Zolder. It was sadly entertaining to witness negative racing in the vein of "Well, if I'm not going to win, neither are you."

I'm pulling for Hincapie. Go get 'em Gorgeous George, you podium girl nailing slut.

Tuesday, September 16, 2003

ahem   I   sky lopez   I   lesbians rule

Right off the top, I'm going to jump into the not so fun stuff. I got this email a few weeks back, and I'm just getting to reading it this morning. God damn I suck ass. The backlog of email this sire produced is fucking mind boggling.

Check the email.

From: John Subject: Could you help? If you would be so kind to hop on over to bikesenjava and read up on a local cyclist/adventure racer who is faced with a tough race.. He has brain cancer, They have organized a fund to help with mounting medical costs. In any case check it out, he is a cool dude, and could use a bit o help

Cancer. That fucking word just pisses me off. I've lost two relatives in the last four years to that evil son of a bitch.

Good luck to you, Tony. Give 'em hell my man, and keep your chin up.

It's really a downer that I cannot keep up with the email I get around here. I can spend hours going through each one, writing everyone back and all that, then the very next day a couple hundred more show up. Jesus fucking Chris, its' just unreal. After almost three hours this morning, I'm down to 162 unread emails, a good 75 I've read and want to use some link, pic, video, or whatever else came along with it. Fuck. And I haven't even bothered to log into last nights and today's fresh crop.

Well, I can't very well turn it off and have no email. How would I find out about all the cool shit going on in the world?

One suggestion: Please feel free to post links, comments, blast me for my left leaning rants, and generally participate in the whole drunkcyclist.com experience by using and abusing my message board.

You can even upload pics! For sheezy. If you've got something to share, a link, upcoming event and the like, I'm probably going to be way behind the eight ball when it comes to posting it on the site. Cut out the middle man, and go dealer direct. It's the new thing, don't cha know?

I know it's about as generic looking as they come, but I haven't gotten around to modifying the layout. And, shit like a cool layout usually costs money, so you know the thought of it just breaks me out in hives.

I hate spending money. 'Cause I ain't got none to begin with.

From: stephen Subject: Iraq and 9/11 Please remind us from time to time that Iraq/Saddam Hussein had nothing to do with the events of 9/11 and that they are not known to be involved in international terrorism. These are facts that that, although obvious, are usually forgotten, just as Junior planned.

Yep. There is no connection what so ever between the two. Save perhaps for a shared dislike of the US. But, that doesn't make them accomplices in and of itself.

Lemme put it to ya this way, there are a lot of people out there who think I am a piece of shit. But that doesn't make them all friends with each other now does it?

Read more on the subject over at talking points memo.

Guy asks me at the shop, "I need a 14 gauge 264 spoke. Do you stock those?"

"Sure."

"What do you mean, 'sure'?"

Kinda threw me for a loop. What am I supposed to say to that?

Hans sent in a link to tons of porn. Wow. Where do these guys get the time?

Hey, ain't this current administration nothin' if not predictable? Polls falling? Well, lets start calling out someone. Check out the latest on Syria in the Times.

Riddle me this Batman, how can everyone in the Middle East be supporting terrorists?

Monday, September 15, 2003

stout   I   christina   I   lesbians rule

The pain. It always seems to hit me harder the second day. So, today, I'm feelin' it. Every mile and every hour of Saturday's ride. Oh yeah. Good times.

I had figured somewhere in the neighborhood of 25 hundred calories consumed. Sounds like a lot, eh? Well, my man Gold Member has a heart rate monitor that estimates calories burned. It said 5,700 for the day. Yeah. I'm in a pretty deep hole about now.

Fuck me running.

And, holy shit, Zabel actually beat Petacchi in today's Vuelta stage. I wouldn't have guessed that one.

Seems like Zabel wouldn't have either.

My man Bobby sent in this link says, "son of a bitch."

Bobby, I'm felling ya. Read it and weep. I'm gonna throw ya a quote because this is some really scary shit. This is not right.

"Within six months of passing the Patriot Act, the Justice Department was conducting seminars on how to stretch the new wiretapping provisions to extend them beyond terror cases," said Dan Dodson, a spokesman for the National Association of Criminal Defense Attorneys. "They say they want the Patriot Act to fight terrorism, then, within six months, they are teaching their people how to use it on ordinary citizens."

You felling' it? Read the rest of it here.

From: Geoff Subject: one more thing about the elk's lodge Nice job on the elk's lodge thing. As much as I believe in Civil Disobedience, I spent over a year trying to get that trail reopened and old wounds never healed there. Cutting off your nose to spite your face is the axiom at work there. However, stupidity from some cyclists -causing one of the landowners to be knocked off her horse- certainly sealed the deal. Furthermore, the idiots misdirecting their anger at some guy just doing his job are only making our goal of securing other access routes into the forest much harder. Whether its a new access or securing an existing this kind of bullshit makes me foam at the mouth.

I'm telling ya, no body wins. We all fucking lose out. It sucks, but that's the way it is. Good for us, there is actually many other ways to get from town to trail without using a car.

Know what I'm sayin?

From: Ernesto Subject: Support Cyclists Just wanted to let you know of a little event we have going on down here in Tempe. This Saturday Arizona State Cycling will be having two showings of "The Hard Road". If you have ever wondered what it is like to be a pro cyclist here in the states then this is definitely for you. As an added bonus we were able to get Jaimie Paolinetti, the director and former pro, to come in and he will be available for question and answer sessions after the showing. If you want more info (directions, prices, etc.) check it out here: www.azracers.com.

There you have it folks, sounds like a good time.

Good Iraq followed by a good letter.

From: response Subject: again Some grateful iraqi ahole killed another one of our boys with an RPG. That's the thanks we get for liberating their cuneiform carving asses. Something tells me that they didn't want to be liberated. This reminds me of an upstart country founded by some rowdy industrious mutherfuckers. They liberated THEMSELVES from the most powerful country on Earth. Sure they had help, but they got the ball rolling THEMSELVES and wouldn't back down under any circumstances. They paid a heavy price, half of those who started the liberation, died. Their country's capitol was invaded and burned. In case you are braindead I am speaking of the USA. No one remembers that the whitehouse had to be rebuilt?? Maybe they don't teach kids that anymore?? The bottom line is, you can't help people that don't want to help themselves. GW is telling us that in this age, we must rely on the government for answers and help. Yeah right. Right now our boys are going door to door over there, raiding houses, questioning and confiscating. If it's good enough for them, it's good enough for us right? Get your door kicked in and your house raided in the interest of freedom. Why don't we write a constitution for them so that we can wipe our asses on it just like we do with ours here at home? Make em an "official member o' the UN", with a seat right next to England? Fuck it, no one seems to make the connection. Support our troops, get em out of irack.

Sunday, September 14, 2003

h to the izzo   I   lesbians rule   I   it's a fucking party

Oh God. What the fuck happened to my Eagles? 'O and two to start the season off strong. Maybe the whole "taller than Billy Penn's hat" curse is for real. Fucking bunch of losers we are. Fuck.

From: Chris Subject: keystone state/shitty football/yuengling! the eagles, the steelers,and paterno. what an absolute waste of a weekend! i am enjoying a bitter cold yuengling traditional lager as i compose. not a total loss! while ya' flew, i drove to pa. picked up some beverages and came back heavy! i love utz,hank's,straubs,iron city and clearfield!!!! had a family reunion in philly over the last official holiday of the summer and it was great! family i had not seen in 10 years partook in the drunken yankee celebration. i'm going to start rambling while drunk so i'm going to ditch. the web site is awesome !!!!! love the links!!!! i'll jot more later my fellow yankee. when i'm sober and not carrying a yankee induced buzzzzzz!!!!!!!!!!!!

Dude, you ain't kidding. I've got a couple more of the blessed lagers in my fridge. My supply is dwindling quickly. Fucking sucks. Ya go from two cases, thinking, my God that's a lot of bee,r to a couple of cans in no time.

Fucking Eagles. At least they put points on the board this time out. I can sleep tonight.

I got interviewed by ride phat. 'Cause I'm all large and shit. Word.

From: Randy Subject: Inner Peace I am passing this on to you because it has definitely worked for me. By following the simple advice I read in an article, I have finally found inner peace. It reads: "The way to achieve inner peace is to finish all the things you've started." I looked around to see all the things I started and hadn't finished. So, today I have finished one bottle of white wine, a bottle of red wine, a bottle of Baileys, my Prozac, a large box of chocolates and a quart of beer. You have no idea how good I feel! You may pass this on to those you feel are in need of Inner Peace.

Sounds like a plan to me.

For reasons I don't completely understand, this webpage shows up as one of my biggest referrers. Thanks I guess.

Old news, but this hunting for bambi shit is off the hook. Who the fuck does that? I like looking at hot chicks, not shooting them with paint ball guns.

Jesus fucking Christ, is nothing sacred anymore? I hear its all a bunch of bullshit anyway, so fuck it.

This dude, Joe Rogan kicks ass. Check him out.

So I did this little ride yesterday. What great fun. I rode to Jerome. From Flagstaff. On dirt.

I was fucked form the word go. I just didn't know it.

It seemed like something I could do. I figured, yeah, I'm in pretty good shape. I can make it.

Yeah fucking right.

From here to Jerome is fucking forever. It just doesn't end. I felt good for the first five hours, but at five and a half hours, when we made it to the Verde River, I was out of water and out of food. Good combo, bad times. It's only 15 miles from there up to Jerome, the operative word being "up".

That climb is fucking beautiful. Four step-up rollers to really fuck you in the head and a long couple of mile wind out over the top. If you were really on, and I certainly wasn't, you could big ring that last part.

I was cooked way downthe hill from that. With no water left, I had to beg. Yes, I asked for water from my ride buddies. And the Badger, as he forever shall be called, was nice enough to fill one of my bottles before he dropped me on his way to glory.

Now, I'm a complete jackass, everyone knows it, but I did bring a lot of food and water. Or, so I thought anyway. I had a full 100 ounces in my Hydrapak, two full bottles on the bike and small "last resort" bottle stashed for the end.

I ran through all of it and then some. I cracked, and cracked hard at 6 hours in. I was so cooked I couldn't believe it. Real deep in the pain cave, real deep. I was exploring all new areas of pain. When I stopped sweating and my arms felt like paper, I knew it was a whole new level of suck.

I stopped in whatever shade I could find down in the valley. Rock cut, pinon pine, small bush, whatever. I sat down and thought about what to write on my tombstone. For sheezy.

At one point I was with my man Jeff, the two of us just fucked to hell, neither one of us had anything left. We didn't know if it was 5 miles, 10, or 15 to the end. All we knew was we were fucked.

I was laying down under this scrubby little pinon and a truck with a camper shell on the back starts up the hill behind us. I stepped out into the road, jersey unzipped all the way down and stained with salt waving an empty water bottle. The guy slows. He's got two young girls in the car, wearing bikinis.

Now, I'm completely out of my head by now, so this all seems perfectly normal. I ask for water, and he says, "Ya want some ice?"

Hell yeah.

I'm stuffing ice cubes in my bone dry bottles thinking, is this real? He fills up my bottles with the finest water you've ever had. I down one of them immediately, as he's filling up my second bottle. He gets the first bottle again and says, "I've got some diet cokes, you probably don't want those."

Jeff and I, in unison, "We'll take 'em."

The finest redneck camper in the middle of fucking nowhere dude guy person rolls on down the road and we ask each other, did ya think he was going to offer us a turn on his daughters?

Back on the bike, feeling a little better in the mid nineties heat, I'm climbing once again. I know I'm not going to make it. Gold Member and the Badger must be at the car by now and I'm damn sure they are going to come back here and find us.

Sure enough they do just that and rescue us as we run out of water again a mere five miles from out goal of Jerome. I pack it in, climb in the car. In tears, my Tour in finished.

And just because I can, I added up all the food I ate. Sustained Energy mix, four scoops. Cytomax, four scoops. Four Power bars. Two Hammer Gel packs. One Cliff Bar and one Mojo bar. Completely insufficient as it turns out, but this is what I came up with: 2,447 calories, or there abouts, as I'm not sure of the exact count on all of that. Seems like a lot, till you consider the fact I was out there for over 8 hours.

Yeah. I was fucked. But you'd think you could ride damn near anywhere on all the shit I brought with me.

Turns out I brought enough for 5 hours. Not 8.

Funny thing is, I can't wait to do it again.

Saturday, September 13, 2003

for sheezy   I   pantera   I   allysin chanies (yeah khs)

Some of you may have noticed a little green dig in yesterdays post. That's apparently what I get with a Garden Gnome in the house. He just gets up in and starts "contributing" to the site.

Oh, he's a fucking talent all right.

My man Jim Hightower is coming to Flagstaff on the 17th of this month. He'll be down at the Orpheum on Aspen Street. I'd recommend going and checking him out. I know I'll be there.

Well, I'm off to ride from Flagstaff to Jerome. All on dirt. It's going to be an AFD ride for sheezy.

I'll let you know how it goes. I'm probably going to die.

This letter in about, well, just read it.

From: I Subject: bull dozer operator The guy running the bulldozer on elks club is a really nice guy His son is a mountain biker, and he is a friend of all the world. Unfortunately, a buncha fuckin prick ass yuppie mountainbikers have been spitting on him and throwing rocks at his machinery over the last two years. And most importantly, the fuckers who refuse to respect the private property in that part of the forest should remember that we, the people of Flagstaff, had the option to buy it, but didn't, because the access community forgot to vote. Just a bit of rant there.

A bit of a rant is Ok with me. The truth is the city could, and in my opinion should, have bought at least some the Locket Land Trust when it came up. Now rich guys build their big ass houses out there and we get to ride around what used to be a kick ass meadow the long way.

Good times.

Bottom line, violence doesn't solve any problems. I'd rather not see it come to blows. Especially since it's the biker kicked off the trail by the rich guy and the working stiff trying to make a buck working for the rich guy who are doing the fighting. The fucker on the top of the Flagstaff food chain is playing us against each other.

I love a rich guy who decides, hell ya I'm worth that million a year I bring home and fuck you local fucks who serve me coffee, fix my bike, work at the restaurants, fix my car, build my new deck out back, paint my house and trim my fucking trees. Fuck you poor ass bastards who actually ride bikes, hike, climb rocks or whatever else the hardcore set is doing lately, can find somewhere else to do it, cause I just bought all this.

All of us working folk can take a flying fuck at a rolling donut.

Friday, September 12, 2003

chrissy   I   gauge   I   oh, fuck me running

Jonny Cash passed away this morning nevermind that Jack Ritter fag. Let us all bow our heads and thank him for his life's work. I know he meant a lot to me. I'll be hoisting beers his way tonight.

The email barrage from my last couple of updates is such that I've just got to share. I mean, how can I keep all of this to myself? I'm way USA and have been for years, but that sure doesn't stop me from pointing out inadequacies in our elected leaders.

Get it? They're elected. We get to decide who runs the show. We can participate. We can say we don't like the way things are and take steps to change them.

On to the email.

From: Thomas Subject: Anti US 9/10 rant Nice opinion. Define "totally fuck up Iraq". France does suck and the UN is antiquated. I don't differentiate between Iraqi terrorists, Palestinian terrorists, Al-Qaida terrorists, etc. You are either for or against fighting terrorism. I looked at the fucking gaping hole where the WTC used to be from the office all day today. Today is clear, warm and eerily reminiscent of 9/11/01, except for the military Blackhawks and NYC police choppers flying around. I take it you don't live near here. Sleep well tonight, knowing that people like you are not who are responsible for keeping us (USA) free from another attack, and have for the past 2 years.

Baby, I'm not "anti US". I'm anti redneck stoopidity. And I will define "totally fuck up Iraq"; It means bomb those sons a bitches into the stone age.

Now we get to put the pieces back together. Good times.

France doesn't suck. They were, and are, looking after their own interests, just as we are. Yeah, they can be arrogant snobs and all that, but we have Lance to go over there and prance around for that.

The UN is a good idea. If you believe in democracy, and I think that you do, then the concept of all people having a voice is a sound one. A world stage dominated by one lone superpower guided by a heavy hand is an incredibly bad idea.

And fighting "terror" is like fighting "crime". I can see a connection between the Republican "tough on crime" election stance of the 80's and 90's and the "tough on terror" angle of the new millennium.

It's the same old shit. Keep us all scared. Blame it on Willy Horton, the Mexicans, the Colombian drug lords, the "terrorists". Don't pay attention to "real" problems like unemployment, inflation and the deficit. They don't want you to, "differentiate" between Iraqi terrorists, Palestinian terrorists or Al-Qaida terrorists.

They want you to fear them all.

And, no, I don't live anywhere near New York. I can't imagine my geographic proximity to the single greatest national tragedy of my lifetime, save perhaps for the two space shuttle disasters, has any correlations whatsoever to the pain I feel for those that lost their lives two years ago.

I mean, fuck you. What the fuck kinda question is that? I live in Arizona so I can't relate? I'm not black, so I can't hate racism? I'm not a woman, so I can't support equality? I've never been raped, so I can't embrace the violated?

That's fucking stoopid.

Yeah, and I sleep really good at night knowing Ashcroft and his army of jackboot, goose stepping thugs can just about snatch anyone they want right off the street and lock them up for however long they please, with no right to an attorney or any of the other shit guaranteed in the Constitution of the United States. Yeah, that's just what our founding fathers had in mind when they built this mother fucker out of nothing.

I hope you sleep well knowing your personal liberties are going straight down the fucking toilet.

From: Mike Subject: more like it is getting more like the Vietnam era every motherfukkin day; government (Bush admin) lying, entangled in a war of occupation without an end in sight, and the fukkin police going ape-shit and ignoring all common sense and their own rules: www.washingtonpost.com

Good times when your right to demonstrate is just taken away like that. Oh yeah, I'm just pleased as fucking punch.

From: Chris Subject: no subject "We invade, occupy and proceed to totally fuck up Iraq." Bush can fucking kiss my rosy red ass. He's a straight up fuck. Another $87 Bazillion for Iraq. Hey, Schrubbe, we've got bridges in Pissburgh that need attention. Fuck you, you fucking Fuck. Yeah, I'd say that with the Secret Service present. Goddammit I'm pissed. What's the body count now, W? Sorry, toomuchcoffeeman...

Yep. We have a decaying infrastructure, an aging populace hitting social security, a high unemployment rate and massive export of all kinds of manufacturing.

Lets go kick somebody's ass.

From: MZ Subject: Right wing Fuckers You're right, W sucks dead things. The door to Canada and Mexico is open, don't let it hit you in the ASS! Less of your whiney smack on politics and more bikes and babes. Stick to your strengths man. You only show your weakness with the liberal drivel.

And that leads up nicely into this next email. Watch the link though, it took me several minutes to open the whole thing on a DSL connection. So those of you on dial up are going to have to plan this one out. You may just want to leave the room, leave the house, go for a bike ride or some shit. It's going to take a while.

From: phil the horse Subject: do you like to see girls kiss? Are you going to interdyke? having a busted leg means one thing time to look at porn, found this today thought you might be interested! http://www.alink.co.za/chicks/kiss/, it is big and slow but i am prepared to wait! -horse out

I've got an erection the could dent a car.

Yeah, I'll be at InterDyke. Porn, beer and straight up acting like a dickhead in Vegas. I wouldn't miss it for the world. I'm planning on bringing some shirts to sell, wouldn't that be nice?

Ok, one more and I'm off to the bar. This is beginning to seriously cut into my drinking time. And that sucks.

From: sk Subject: no-no to elks lodge whats up big J just a little note bout the elks lodge trail that really is closed off....a 40 somethin bulldoze driver hopes off and stops our group of six to say, "hey fuckers, trails closed" as he grabs my crossbike and starts kicking it with what at the time I didn't realize was a prostetic leg......anyhow, we argue a good few minutes before punches fly, actually only 2, but after having received a nice one in the side of my ear, I decide to return the favor, and afterwards he kicks my bike again, losing his balance and falling to the ground as his leg falls off!!! I'm not about kickin a guy when he's down, or handicap, so I try to apologize, but he's all pissy and calls the cops....in the end, I wound up finishing rockless ridge to go home to see i have a pretty nice gash in the ear......guess the trail really is closed, but i'll still be on it on the weekends..… ps woulda been nice to have the gnomies little ass attitude there if he would ever call to go for a ride when he comes up here...fucker--- tucson sucks

The gnome is here right now. I'm rolling downtown with his angry little self right about now. We've many miles to go before we sleep and many promises to keep.

Thursday, September 11, 2003

yowza   I   damn   I   fuck

A couple of years into this things and I don't really have much to say. September 11th. Nine one one. The real deal.

I tried swilling down a couple of domestic beers. Didn't take. I've still got nothing. Got a couple of emails about yesterdays post. Some liked it, some didn't. One guy told me I "didn't get it".

Yeah. I get it.

This one in from across the pond. As in, this is from someone looking at us from the outside, from anouther country. Maybe we should pay attention?

From: Northwave Subject: Fucking right You fucking nailed it with Wednesdays post about the US and the UN. Good work. Will anyone listen? Does anyone care enough to do anything about it? When's the next election? Make your vote count. Over and out

Anytime you try to simplify things into an us against them world view, your just going to get fucked. It doesn't work that way. Things are not that black and white. Never have been and never will be.

Anyway, I'm not to stoked about today. Bad things man, really bad things. Go read this article over at Slate.

And then go look at boobs for awhile.

That's it and that's all. Good night.

Wednesday, September 10, 2003

interesting   I   kitana jade   I   trainwreck next door

Not all that long ago some bumbling assholes leased a billboard out the highway north of Tucson. On it, they had the message, "Get the US out of the UN." I guess this was due to the right wing posturing that the United Nations was antiquated and had outlived its usefulness in today's world. And, the UN wasn't "playing ball" with out little plans for Iraq.

So, when the game isn't going your way, you change the game. US good, UN bad. We rule and the French can kiss out asses. We're going to save the fucking world.

We invade, occupy and proceed to totally fuck up Iraq.

Now we're fucked. So, what do the right wing jackasses do? That's right, we call on the United Nations. In the Presidents own words:

"Members of the United Nations now have an opportunity, and the responsibility, to assume a broader role in assuring that Iraq becomes a free and democratic nation?"

I'm telling ya, it's like dumping a girl and then calling her up at 4:00 am on Saturday for a booty call. It's low, it's tasteless, and it just might work.

But why should the UN do shit for our little problem? We did it all by ourselves, and now we can't fix it. Good job boys, I'm really proud of you Republican shmucks. You guys are just like all the fucking assholes I hated in high school.

I really appreciate what you're doing to my country and the world. You guys fucking suck.

Tuesday, September 9, 2003

avy scott   I   I'll see you in hell   I   up in the vip

I paid my penance today. Up at 6:15 after drinking myself into oblivion during and after last nights fucking embarrassment of a football game. Fucking blanked in our home opener? You gotta be fucking kidding me.

So, to work off my hangover and, hopefully, work out some of the bitterness of last nights God damn trouncing, I went for a mountain bike ride with a few of the boys. They don't all have nicknames for the site yet, but I'm callin' one of 'em "Gold Finger" from now on. Or, perhaps "Gold Member" if one can do that without sounding totally and completely gay. Fucking pimp daddy on his gold Santa Cruz Blur. Bike kicks ass. Maybe I should sell a kidney and buy one of those things for myself?

Nah. I kinda like having two kidneys. Call me old fashioned if you will. The may come in handy with that little habit of throwing damn near anything in the way of alcohol down the hatch a few times a week.

I rode. I in the rain. I had the evil runoff, the exfoliation of a whole lifetime of hoping this will be the season, this will be our chance, this is out time, my God we suck gimmie another beer running down my face within the first hour. Foul would be a good word for it. Nasty filth seeping from every pore.

As long as it was on its way out I was pleased. This was about pain, suffering and trying to clear "Kentucky Waterfall". I don't know who named that skidded out shithole after the great Mullet, or why. All I know is that is sucks a mile of cock and had me screaming "Oh God! Oh God!" as I skidded and plowed my way down.

Made it in one piece, thank you very much. Now if I can just make it to noon before I start swilling beer to dull the pain of getting zipped by the fucking Bucs.

From: Chip Subject: Quote of the day "The president is clearly making a judgment that it is more important for us to rebuild Iraq and Afghanistan than it is to deal with the very serious problems that we have in the United States."

Good times.

Someone sent me a link to this site and said, "we're all going to hell for this…"

Yeah. Probably so.

Another one that's been chillin' out in my inbox just waiting for me to post is this next beauty. Hit up the video and then start mad mixing shit up on the second link. It's safe for the workplace, in case you're checking this shizznit at the jobby job.

From: Bill Subject: Check this out Dude, this is awesome. The world must know about this. You definitely need the sound on. Step 1) Watch this: http://homepage.mac.com/howheels/rubpics/woowoo.wmv Step 2) Mix it up: http://lisupras.com/wooo.html

Charles sent in this next link, www.mellesleg.hu and says, "I don't know what the heck they're talking about but Mellesleg bõvebben means CLICK HERE. And by all means: DO IT!"

Best advice I've heard all day. I've been knocking around that site for a few minutes and there is more porn than I think I've ever seen in one place. Fucking unreal. I have no idea what any of the text is telling me, but I am well versed in the "click on the hot chick" site navigation technique. It's gotten me through many a tough time.

So have fun with it, click around a bit and prepare to be overwhelmed with porn.

Bill sent over Eisenhower's farewell farewell address from back in '61. It's a good read, actually. Especially if you find yourself looking back to see the way forward as some of us do from time to time. It's good to revisit the lessons learned.

Wanna buy a stem that is long as a cats leg?

This is a pretty good article you should read.

And one more thing before I pass the fuck out, the 24 Hours in the Sage race is this coming weekend up in Gunnison, Colorado. It's going to kick ass and I'm going to miss it. Read all about it here.

The only upcoming event I'm aiming at is the Soul Ride on October 26. Read all about that one over at epic rides.

Monday, September 8, 2003

penny flame   I   kill me now   I   pride of bellemont

God damn fucking Eagles. Fuck. What the hell was that? All my life I cheer for these fucking guys and on opening night they bring me this? Shit out at home? In their new stadium?

You gotta be fucking kidding me.

I'm so fucking drunk and pissed off, I can't even see straight. It was a grim night down the street with my boys tonight. Grim. Ugly. Fucking stupid shit. At least I have the day off tomorrow and I can ride my bike for more than two hours, like I usually do when I work at 9 am just about every fucking day of the week.

Fuck me.

At least Petacchi won the Vuelta stage today in grand style. That gives me something to feel good about. Fuck. God fucking damnit.

Petacchi is the baddest man on the block right now. Mr. Fucking Big Dick. I'm not sure of the record, but I don't think anyone has won a stage in all three grand tours since the 50's.

And that's pretty fucking bad ass.

I don't give a shit about much of anything right now. I'm going to bed. Fuck ya'll.

Sunday, September 7, 2003

ashley ann   I   silvia saint   I   lesbians rule

So I heard this story today at the bike shop. A guy goes riding, gets caught out in the rain. Slogs his way back to his truck, tosses the bike in the back and starts driving home in wet clothes, just dripping. He's a bit frazzled and he left his helmet in the bed of the truck. So it's, you know, bouncing around and shit.

Maybe the helmet was on his handlebars or something, I don't know. Either way it falls off. He sees his helmet in the street behind him. He pulls over and starts walking back up the street. A "hippie" is riding by at about the same time.

The "hippie" stops and picks up the helmet. My mans like, "Yo buddy, a little help? Over here sport!"

The "hippie" looks at him, right at him. And, now he's jogging up the street to get his helmet from what he thinks is a nice, productive member of society.

Yeah fucking right. Mr. Scumbag Hippie puts the helmet on and starts riding away. Fast.

My man is now running after the "hippie" shouting not so nice things. And the "hippie" is straight bookin' down the street with someone else's helmet on his head. What a fucking scumbag.

Hippies rule.

Saturday, September 6, 2003

smokin'   I   aria giovani   I   8th street glory

Today the Vuelta started with a team time trail. Now that what I'm talking about. Send 'em out of the gate, eyeballs out, and see what shakes down. I figure some of the diminutive "climbing" teams will lose two and three minutes to the lowland hammers, like anyone Dutch for example. But, three mountain top finishes later those same diesels will lose 12 and 15 minutes.

Oh, how I love the grand tours.

The Gnome. You feelin' it?

I asked Wellsy about his fun times across the pond. This is what he had say.

From: Todd Subject: RE: ah my boy Yo jonny, I'm back in the USA, couldn't hang in Europe for any extended time with out racing. I woke up at 4am yesterday morning and started drinking. It's a beautiful thing.

Glad to see he's doing something productive with all that ultra-sharp fitness he's got at the moment. Something like riding a barstool. The one thing I could probably beat him at. And beat him soundly.

I had better watch what I say, or else Big Pun could show up at my doorstep with a case of ol' E forties. If I heard a knock and saw him standing out there with that big ass box of hurt, I swear to God, I'd jump out the back window, hit the ground running and never look back.

Fuck it, Wellsy shoulda been there. And, while I'm picking the racers who get to represent us at World Championship races, its my new job don't cha know, I'm picking John Lieswyn for the US squad in Hamilton. He's the fucking man and he deserves the selection.

How's that grab ya, fucknuts?

Friday, September 5, 2003

busted mug   I   lexy west   I   cutie

Bring on the fucking Vuelta. For Christ's sake I need some fucking action.

Another day at the Salt Mine, another night building bikes. Come home and the fucking dog got out of the house again. Judging by the totally bitchy and senseless messages left on my answering machine the women down at the veterinarians office are retarded, overworked and overwhelmed. And now my dog is in jail.

Great. I get to go bail the bitch out tomorrow. I should just ice her for the weekend. Fuck it. She'll just bail again at the first rumbling of thunder. It's the loud noises that send her flying.

Somebody end this nightmare now.

I swear to God I'm tying her to a fucking tree next time I go to work.

Might be old news by now, but Wellsy got screwed and ain't racing in the world mountain bike championships . Find out why at over at velonews.

From: Ian Subject: Wells shafted WTF? Wells doesn't find out he needs another blood test until he's ALREADY IN SWITZERLAND PREPARING FOR WORLDS?!?!?!?!!? Many will ream the UCI over this one, but where the fuck is USA Cycling when you need them? Gawd Damn...aren't they supposed to do SOMETHING for the riders? Like remind them to get a blood test? Aaaargh!

And Wellsy looks pretty happy about it by the looks of his update yesterday. Good times, eh Wellsy?

Thursday, September 4, 2003

nikki nova   I   raw erica campbell   I   harpooning a whale

During today's afternoon thunderstorm, my asshole dog got a little upset that daddy was at the bike shop, working his hands to the bone, making the money that buys the fucking dog food, tennis balls and fills the fucking water dish. So, she jumped out a window. Went on tour. A walkabout. A pilgrimage. Visited with the neighbors.

Thank God I've got her name and number on that collar.

For fucks sake. Did I mention she made her grand exit though a window that was closed? Now I've got a front yard full glass and my Trico bike case filling the hole that used to be a window.

Good times.

The upside is I got to spend a bit of time with the serious bike nut who found my little princess and kept her till I got home up the street. He's got more cool old shit than I've ever seen in one place in my entire life. Some simply amazing bikes, mostly old three speeds and cool ass road units. Oh yeah, steel is real up in there. For sheezy.

Cut overtime pay? Is Bush out of his mind? Don't answer that question, it's poor form to ask questions while we're at war. Just read this.

Armstrong to divorce, yeah, saw that one coming a mile away. I just feel bad for the kids. Rumor has it, well, I'm not going there 'cause my ass will get sued. But, my man Johan Museeuw got his house searched and was questioned by police for nine hours?

You mean he's on the juice?

Oh God damn it all to hell. Of course he's on the juice. They're all on the juice. You don't win ten classics clean in this day and age, if you ever could.

I don't care. His poster is still on my wall. He's still a hero. The fucking guy rules.

Bring on the Vuelta. I need distraction. So, what, did she get a flat tire?

On to the email.

From: Anton Subject: more iraq stuff some chick writing from iraq: http://riverbendblog.blogspot.com/ check out her august 28 entry for truly mind blowing ridiculousness.

That is one hell of a weblog. Jesus. You want a little taste do ya? "Only 16 of the ministers were sworn in today because 9 of them couldn't be there for 'technical reasons' (i.e. they're still outside of the country). I don't know how the ministries are going to function when the majority of the 'ministers' were living abroad for most of their lives. There's going to be an American 'advisor' for each of the ministries, which is supposed to help. I hope the American advisors are better than the ones Bush stocks the White House with…"

My mind pains to read that. I feel like my head is going to explode, especially when I read the August 28th entry. I suggest you read it yourself and see.

From: TS Subject: hey, lame ass racer Johnny...stop telling lies. you said "Fuck, I'm the lamest racer ever, in the whole state of Arizona"...... what, you are way off. stop trying to take my title. I am the most lame racer in arizona..... and monday night, pay n take...eagles-tampa gay!!! you better be there. i'm dustin the jersey off right now. and to cap that off, look at this shit. this guy sent me this "hate mail" after the tour this year..... funny ...some chap. here it is: "As a former world champion your whole Cutters thing SUCKS DICK. You can take that whale and shove it up your non-riding asses. You guys are idiots and anyone that thinks your cool is a fool. You can pretty much kiss my ass and watch my big ass as I ride away from you.....GH" wow that was pretty intense.....but it sums up the whole problem with the popularity of pro cycling in the good 'ol USA. a lot people always seem to think you have to ride the bike a ton to be "allowed" to be knowledgable fans of the sport...or silly fans of the sport...or any kind of fan of the sport. anyone with a head on their shoulders and some concept of what endurance is can appreciate the races of the velo. fucking best team sport out there, no doubt about it. but there will always be dumb asses like this guy always have to get the "i'm faster than you...or...you dont even ride a bike" line in to let everyone know, who may be a new fan of the sport, that there is a pecking order and if you don't ride, or if you are not a good racer, there is know way you can be a "real" cycling fan........ such snobbery, guys trying to keep it like their own private sport to appreciate.....just gay shit. haters everywhere. is cycling some fucking country club that you have to pass a test to enjoy??? i like sucking at racing and getting dropped at my bi-monthly attempt to do a group ride.....and i love cycling...better trade in my official cycling fan membership card. remember nothing better than an elitest getting fired up at white trash moving into the neighborhood........ p.s. lets go Phillies!!!

Ok, ok, I'm the second lamest racer in Arizona. But, I'm right behind you, I'm beginning to fade, hey, come back here…

And I've read about your new friend, GH. Can't really use his name here, can we? Seems a little hight strung perhaps? I don't know. Maybe he's right and you do suck dick? Who am I to judge? I just post porn pics.

From: Pat Subject: A comment on your recent post On your recent post: "...Oakley flossin' jackasses?" I like that part, me and my kmart stretchy cotton shorts, or old OP surfer shorts--not the nice lycra pants I wear when I take the time. It's the rides you do when you just need to get the fuck outta Dodge. When you hop on the bike in civi shoes and race down the block only to be accosted by some teenager. The teenager, who is just about to learn what it means to be a victim of a 30 something biker who is tired of taking shit in the office and not only has better endurance, but has built of years of pain denial that the fucking little kid has yet to endure. The very urchin of a child that I'm gonna squash because I have lived a life nearly twice as long as his and, unlike his "rebel spirit", I truly am prepared to die to win - or at least not to lose to this punk until I puke. I will bike his ass down, I will push him, I will beat him like a baby seal. He may pull away at first, but his spirit will wain as his limbs grow tired. His speed will drop as he looks back and wonders "what the fuck is this old man doing up my ass". And fear will form on his face as I begin to laugh with the evil hideousness of my years of taking shit from those who have no respect. WHY? because biking is about spirit, its about freedom, and its about kicking ass. Winning or losing, it does not matter. Just as long as you kick ass. I don't care if you win the race, beat the man, beat your friend, beat your best time, or beat the teenager punk. you just kick ass. So next time any of us falls behind, remember: the teenager is in it for the gear and clothes - we're in it to kick ass... his ass!

The last time I heard the phrase, "what the fuck is this old man doing up my ass" it was in a Catholic church.

Ouch.

Wednesday, September 3, 2003

tanya james   I   tabitha stern   I   joy behrman

Wednesday. The midweek hump. This great pile of shit I've got to climb up and over every single week for the rest of my stinkin' pathetic life. Oh, how I love the slow decent into madness every Thursday brings into my life. The weekly ride out to Bellemont, the day spent down at the Salt Mine, and then comes the booze. The evil drink. The blood of Satan.

You see, I've a bit of the weakness. Can't be helped really. Just the way it is.

Yeah.

Some people never learn. No class at all. Really. Read this little story about some really badly timed radio bullshit by some anti-share the road pinheads. Clear Channel can go to hell for this one.

Write an email and let 'em know how you feel. All the contact info is listed in the above link. Do it for those poor bastards that met a pickup truck for no good reason at 8:00 am on a Saturday group ride. This could have been your weekly group ride, anywhere in the USA.

Marshal nails a home run with this one. As my man Mike says, "another incredibly insightful, brilliant, and brilliantly written article by Mr. Marshall."

Read more of his stuff over here at talking points memo.

Oh, and I've got a new one for all you Neanderthal's in your big ass Dodge trunks with the Way USA stickers across the tailgate.

Support the Troops: End War Now.

How's that one grab ya, you dumb ass redneck? Maybe I should start making bumper stickers? But, instead of selling 'em, Ill just head on down to the mall and start puttin' my shit up on cars that really need the help.

You know, consider it a public service on my part. A little gift to the masses. Bunch of fucking sheep, ain't they?

I turned my mail back on. I still have 357 unread email messages in my inbox, a number that just tickled that Gnome bastard. Oh yeah, he thought that was great.

Three hundred and fifty seven.

Jesus. This could rapidly become my forth job if I'm not careful.

And thank fucking God for this. Mayo to stay with Euskaltel.

At least someone has the good sense to stay put and concentrate on winning some shit. Yeah baby, I'm saying it. I ain't scared.

Phonak?

And since I'm apparently "in a mood" this evening, why are so many people saying Ulrich didn't scout the final tt route in the Tour? Are they out of their God damn minds? What the fuck is wrong with all of you Lance-bots?

Ulrich crashed because, as the lower placed rider, he had to take chances. He had to make up time anywhere he could. He had to take chances Armstrong wouldn't. He had to fucking pound it the whole way and slamming into dicey corners is part of that.

Ever race a bike, bonehead? Fuck, I'm the lamest racer ever, in the whole state of Arizona, and even I know this story well. Did you ever flat in a mountain bike race and then let it all hang the fuck out trying to catch back up? I have. Most of the time you catch back up by going way faster than you ever thought you could on the downhills, and sometimes you end up in the bushes, game over, bloodied and battered.

But you try, because at that point it's all you can do. You try because if you don't you've already lost. You try because you don't ever quit.

Ring any bells, you NASCAR watching, Trek riding, Nike sporting, Oakley flossin' jackasses?

For fucks sake.

Tuesday, September 2, 2003

devon   I   jennifer lavoie   I   damn big naturals

Wesley Willis is dead.

More about him here. And a whole metric assload about him at google.

Aside from that, fuck it, I'm beat to hell. I miss the days when I had no job and could just ride my bike and surf the net. Now, well now I just work all the time. Fuck me.

Hamilton to ride for Phonak? Huh? What the fuck is that about? I mean, sure, you can be the undisputed team leader at Phonak, but what the fuck were you lacking support at CSC? Those guys loved you, no two ways about it. This had just got to be about money. Fuck, it's always about money. That's why I have three fucking jobs, right?

Read Hamilton's own words in an interview over at velonews.

Frischknecht is a bad ass mother fucker. Check the science over at cyclingnews.

Spooner fucking rules. That's all I've got to say about that.

Monday, September 1, 2003

red sky nudes   I   brunette   I   cumfiesta

And a fine Labor day to you as well. I've got three guests on the floor this morning, and they're soon leaving on a big ass birthday ride for a fine guy named James. Rock out with your cock out. I hear they are planning to hit somewhere in the neighborhood of 10,000 feet of climbing.

Ho ho, too bad I'll be at work.

The mail server I use has been so completely overwhelmed with virus email bullshit I've decided to just turn off my email for awhile. I should be getting to all of you in my address book with my new contact info, although I hate to do a big ass mass email thing like that. It just reeks of spam. I'll do it anyway. Like, maybe even later today if I can pull my fucking head out of my ass long enough. This is just getting ridiculous with a couple of hundred emails coming through every hour and not one of them worth a damn.

Ya'll be able to reach me in a couple of days at the old email. I just had to throttle it back a notch for a bit. I'll turn it back on later and we'll see how it goes.

This comes recommended from the Gnome. That little sick bastard.

I don't feel and it feels great…

I've been pissing dishwater out of my ass since yesterday afternoon. I think I've lost five pounds. I just checked. Five. I feel like shit. What the fuck did I eat that did this to me? Was it the two days at Taco Bell for lunch?

You mean letting a burrito sit around on the counter at work for four hours before you finish it is a bad idea? Chicken goes bad? You're kidding. Really. Stop fucking with me.

What I wouldn't give just to make this end.

I'll leave you with snaggleporn.