Riding in the cold is really starting to suck. Ain't it hasn't even started yet. What am I in for this winter? I imagine I'm in for a whole world of hurt.

I guess I'll just have to wait and see. Could be fun. Who knows?

And, if it all just goes to shit, I can always drive on down to the Verde Valley and ride around down there. It simply can't be that bad. Buck up old boy. Chip, chip, cheerio and all that wanker piss.

Some good news for the Valley of the Sun. Well not really, but you get the general idea.

From: Ty Subject: Hell living in pheonix has been, so far, like taking everything I own to the shittyest part of town and nicely displaying it on a street corner and leaving so that all the ethnic trash(which includes the white meth heads, black gangbangers and illegal mexicans, plus a few others) to take what they want. Yes, I am beginning to hate everyone, I am not racist. My truck was stolen yesterday between going to work at 3 am and returning from work at 2 pm., which just adds to the literal over twelve grand in tools I have had stolen in the last year and a half of my life here trying to do the right fucking thing like being legal and having things like insurance, and quitting illegal activities like pot, and making sure my son has a quality life where the school he goes to has to spend half of its time teaching the other students how to speak english...yes I fucking hate everyone. two weeks ago I had to cut a powerlite in half with my demolition saw because I caught a punk in my tool box at 9 pm, I chased him until my flip flops came off, found him in my now stolen truck and came ten feet from hitting him as he dropped my skill saw and his bike and ran down the ally. My shot gun was loaded as I thought he also had taken my pistol from the truck. Luckily my fiancé had grabbed the pistol as I originally took flip flop chase.....my adrenaline was pumping and when I grabbed my saw and his bike, I heard that darkskinned motherfucker say in really good american raised family english, "man, dont take my bike.." and I did, and instead of killing him, I cut his bike in half (after a few seconds of saying, dang this is a nice frame") and returned to the ally where he almost died. now my truck is gone, along with another 1500 in tools, my trusty pistol and my fiancés diamond ring for the upcoming event. ya big jonny, phoenix sucks and I have ten bucks, a new job, no insurance on the truck cause I felt it more important to pay my attorney to get the custody of my son, and a bunch of bicycles that don't fit or are broken frames. I sometimes wonder what the fuck, and the three beers in the fridge wont get me through the idea. just another day in the land of casa de cambios, carnicerias and everyone else living in a three hundred thousand dollar house with four suvs, or the thieves and a handful of true nice working class. I have a trailer I could live in the mountains in, but no way to get it out of the trailer storage place. I may try the forty bottle game today, by myself. Catch some air for me! (just needed some one to bitch to cause my son just wants to play, we will be having a skidding contest today so ill send the results.)

Shannon says, it's jenna again.

For sheezy.

From: Mo-the-surfer Subject: carrier life Hey Jonny, I spent 4 years on a carrier and had the hook-ups to make a 1 time only shot and landing on the flight deck. I was in the back of a (deleted) with the gear and our mail. GW was in the 2nd seat of an A-6 Intruder. Damn right he has balls. Pilots train for YEARS to do what he did right the first time. He made only a slight error in saying "balls" instead of "ball". 2nd seat talks to the tower + LSO (landing safety officer) 'cause the 1rst seat (pilot) is busy steering that bitch. I lost a friend in 1986 in the north atlantic because some bootcamp idiot Air Force cross-over pilot thought he was bad ass. He and 7 other crew members went to see Davy Jones locker that night. Fuk all the jaw jakin', just for getting in that 2nd seat GW's got a brass set of balls. Unless you've been there, which most jerk-off reporters haven't, have a can of shut-the-fuk-up.

Brass balls do not good decisions make. Snatch the pebble from my palm, oh grasshopper.

I am sorry to hear about your friend.

The feelings expressed in this email are not necessarily the same as those of this site. Although, there may be many parallels, coincidences and similarities therein. Fuck, I love Canada. They're like out 51st state.

From: Steve Subject: Canadian Beats World at Rock, Paper, Scissors TORONTO (Reuters) - The competitors, in glitzy, fabulous costumes, call themselves professional athletes. Some even bring along team doctors to supervise their HIV drug intake and take them through bouts of anal bleeding. This, it seems, is serious stuff to the 320 competitors who shook their fists in a masturbatory manner early into Sunday morning at the World Rock, Paper, Scissors Championships at a nightclub in downtown Toronto. The man who did win -- and netted himself a purse of C$5,000 (US$50) -- was Toronto's Rob Krueger, a member of the team "F.A.G." and a man with an abnormally low IQ, even by Canadian standards. To achieve the lofty title of World RPS Champion, the Canadian "handicapable" athlete threw a combination of rock-paper-paper, defeating his opponent's offering of three rocks. Treading a thin line between typical Canadian stupidity and gay as fuck, the event drew a crowd of about 900 shambling, incoherent Canadians, including many openly homosexual spectators who wandered, with dicks in hand, among a slew of local and international media. Andy Cumming, 28, flew to Canada from London with five other members of the United Kingdom team, as well as their team doctor who counsels them on alcohol-related liver damage. Mr. Cumming, whose English citizenship is belied by a mouthful of rotten teeth, was confident of his team's chances: "I cun fink uv many reasons why we're 'ere, gubna, but me mates and me wuz 'aving some pints..." at which point he collapsed in drunken stupor and urinated in his pants. Mr. Cumming and his "mates" were later ejected from the country for slashing multiple people with broken pint glasses, and then kicking a French Canadian in the head so hard that his eyeballs popped out. To the uninitiated, the playground game looked more like a collection of unrepentant sodomites. Many competitors wore crude, homemade costumes with the asses cut out of the pants, and played with another man's penis in their non-throwing hand. Douglas Walker, the limp wristed, effete managing director of the Toronto-based, 700-member World RPS Society, wore a purple sequined jacket covered with semen stains and Vaseline fingerprints. Mr. Walker was a little more realistic about the so-called sport he promotes. "We take rock, paper, scissors about as seriously as Canadians take, say, being the country that sucks the most, even more than France."

Do you feel the love?

I know I do.

This in from cyclingnews.com, "The management companies behind two of the US-based cycling teams that have found themselves sponsorless for 2004 are getting together in an attempt to combine their forces to find corporate backing for the coming season. Team Sports (owner of the Saturn team) and Paceline Team Sports, the organization that runs the Prime Alliance team will join forces in the hope that the combination of the top two US teams will prove attractive to new sponsors." Read it all here.

From: mike Subject: cost nytimes.com/aponline/international/AP-Iraq-Contracts.html Really? You mean BushCo Admin Inc. makes sure his political supporters get all the contracts? Wow! That's one thing when you think of the cronyism, institutional payoffs, corruption, the subverting of democracy and fair play for greed and such. But, Big Jonny, how does BushCo Inc do THIS; how do they go to a mother who just had her son killed in Iraq, and tell her it was so Bush's cronies can make a lot of cash? We now know there was no imminent, or even foreseeable threat from Iraq, and that our true enemy Al Qaeda wasn't in Iraq, it seems to be about Daddy, Oil and Cash (no Gash we know of, that was Bill). Really Big Jonny, how DO they tell the Mom? Do you land on an aircraft deck, do you say "Bring em on.", do you say it is the media focusing on the negative? Do you hide behind a flag? Do you never meet with Americans outside of selected audiences? How DO they do it? mike out

I don't know. I just don't know. It's such a mess. A complete and total mess.

It's becoming quite clear that these guys have no exit strategy. No contingency plans. No clue.

Word is coming out that people in charge actually said things like, "I don't want to talk about what might go wrong. I want to talk about things going right."

Yeah. That worked.

I know I guy who told me recently that he's been pretty happy up until this point in his life just riding his bike. Never taken the time to vote, didn't really worry about things. Well, now he's worried. He sees how far a couple of right wing wackos can throw things all out of kilter.

The world is fucked and we helped fuck it. Sure, Al Quada are a bunch of pricks. Sure, terrorism sucks. But, what did we do?

We created hell.

Now we have to live with it.

From: Jim Subject: Iraq war info I'm kind of a moderate about the war... I want it to end, but I know it can't for a long time. I like to keep up on it though. After that thing you posted about military dead in Iraq, I thought you might like to see this link. A site called Cryptome (great source for security and government secrets and stuff) keeps a calendar of all the announcements. cryptome.org/mil-dead-iqw.htm We get numbers from the news all the time, but this has names, ranks, ages, hometowns... It's not a biography, but it's enough to show you how real these guys are.

I don't even know what to say after reading that webpage.

Real people. People like me and you. I read every name. Every story. I live in Flagstaff, Arizona. I found Alyssa R. Peterson. She was from Flagstaff. Her parents live here.

It's just too much.

Wednesday, October 29, 2003

lots of pics   I   chloe   I   lesbians rule

I never thought I'd go so low as to comment on a five time Tour winner's love life. Never in a million years. But, sometimes you just gotta take what's thrown at ya. And in my case, I'll take damn near anything that isn't nailed down.

This in from the Boston Herald. On the other side, some denials coming out of the Armstrong camp. You can read about it on cyclingnews.

I have it on pretty good authority that it is the real deal. Does it matter? No, not really. Best of luck and all that, you know? I don't know why I'm even talking about it. Two adults enjoy each others company and so forth, so what's the deal? I could care less what those two do with their free time. It's none of my business.

Kinda sucks to be one of his kids I imagine. Mommy, where's daddy?

Here's what Sov had to say about it.

From: Sov Subject: Sandra Bullock I've let Lance slide with the general bellicosity of his youth, the pissy post-race interviews, and the "I don't dope, so quit asking me, have you seen my soigneur" attitude for many years now. I do respect what he's done for US cycling and the chagrined looks he's put on skinny elfen Euro faces - despite the fact that he rides a Trek. But, I'm afraid I'm going to have to take issue with his dating Sandra Bullock. She is clearly my girlfriend, and has been for years. I'm calling Lance out right now. I'm going to have to get all Evil on him and kick his scrawny ass. You hear me Lance? You're on the wrong side of EVIL now. How's it feel? WATCH YOUR FUCKING BACK SINGLE-NUT!

That sounds like trouble. Don't cross Evil. They have nothing to loose and everything to gain.

Shifting gears a little bit, this news out of Bushco looks pretty lame. Remember that whole airplane stunt out on the USS Abraham Lincoln with the "mission accomplished" banner in full display for the photo op? Yeah, you remember. Bush was in the "copilot seat", sorta the feeling I get about a lot of things the man does as President. The whole thing was so feel good, so full of shit.

More American soldiers have lost their lives in Iraq since that day, the so called end of "major combat operations in Iraq", than before. Anyone else think that is totally fucked?

Now, Bushco is trying to distance themselves from the moment. As if someone else, anyone else, could have been responsible. These slick hustlers control every aspect of these magnificent, if not totally contrived, photo moments.

From: Slugo Subject: Bike ho Here's what I came across when I googled Bike Ho: Fat Ho on a Bike   · 1 oz. Amaretto   · Cola   · 1 oz. Tequila Mix ingredients in an old fashioned glass with ice. I guess you gotta try this so you can say you had a "fat ho on a bike".

Sounds good to me, Slugo. And so does this.

From: Ox Subject: rock n roll cycle style hey jonny, my band got some new stuff posted online just yesterday. i thought you might be particularly interested in the song "the immortal class" inspired by the book of the same name by travis hugh culley. its all free for download. let me know what you think.

You can check out a couple of kick ass mp3's by Greaser Place on their website. They pretty much kick ass.

And, in case you were wondering, life is indeed tough all over. Check out the haps with out Man of the Midwest, Zeke.

From: zeke Subject: another cross race Ok... I should have known... all the gears in the world don't make up for being unprepared physically. Apparently I actually need to train... can you believe it... ah well I wasn't last but I was a long way from first. 11th out of 15. Gears was nice though. I have forgotten how much difference it makes in the climbs to shift down or in the sprint to have that bigger gear. Fun Fun I got to thinking about it yesterday after the race... I went from riding to work almost daily (30 mile round trip) to Ragbrai (400 miles in a week) then I had my hernia surgery (the week after Ragbrai) which put me off the bike for 4 weeks and since then I have ridden to work, the biggest part of my training if I do any, maybe 5 times... I gotta fix that. So I start tomorrow morning... must commute. Besides if I wait any longer it gonna be cold. It's already dark. I have gotten way to lazy with out even realizing it. No worries all it takes its is pedal pedal pedal pedal pedal, sleep, pedal pedal,pedal.... later

Tough going for our man Zeke. But not as tough as this next guy. The Iceman cometh.

From: Dave Subject: Next time you feel like a badass… uk.news.yahoo.com/031023/ Eating rocks and killing sharks...it would make you pretty tough.

Yeah, that would make you pretty tough. A whole hell of a lot tougher than me.

Ever hear of dogging? I hadn't. Maybe it's just a British thing. Silly British. I'm glad I now know what it is. I feel so empowered and shit.

One more and I'm out. Robert sent this link in, Arnold is coming.

Tuesday, October 28, 2003

jade   I   penny   I   straight up sex

Today, or tonight rather, was it. I had to break out the rollers. I wanted to get a little spinnin' in after work, and its dark and cold as a motherfucker outside after 6:00 these days.

That leaves two options: Strap on the headlight and a big set of nuts and head out into the night, or, as I choose, get on the trainer.

Riding indoors sucks. Absolutely sucks ass. I fucking hate it. But, I hate freezing my balls off even more.

I missed the Soul Ride last weekend 'cause I suck a mile of cock. Pretty much. Yeah.

From: Brian Subject: It's in writing OK, you are doing the 24 solo, I have copied the quote. Is it my imagination or did you plan to be on the line this past Sunday in Oracle. How about Tinker winning with a time 1 hour slower than last years best time (8:08). Only three finished in less than nine hours, third place that team missing link dude on a 24" drop bar bike and a fixed gear! Less than half who started finished. It was good.

God damn, you'd think I just signed a contract with the Devil. Well…..

Maybe I have?

And Tinker is a bad, bad man. Bad. Should be in detention.

Something about a grimy handshake, working for parts, and if you wash your hands before you go to the bathroom, or after.

From: Tim Subject: bike shop wrenches man that list you posted was so on track. being a shop monkey for 7 years, ive seen all that. worst is number 10. go to a local race, this chick has a mech on the trail. first thing she says to me is, "hey your the bike shop guy, can you fix this?" no bitch, and i have a name too, and its not bike shop guy

You know, I actually pulled the "what's my name" line on a guy one time at this shop I worked at in the Valley. Not like, "I'm the man, what's my name" but like, "Have you even taken the time to ask my name?"

This douchebag came in ranting and raving about all kinds of shit. He wanted the world, he wanted it yesterday, and he wanted it for free. I told him, whats my name?

He just stared. I said, my name is jonny. That's Rick. That's the fridge. But beer in it. Say hi when you come in. We'll take care of you.

Fucking guy just didn't get it.

But those that do, those that show up on Friday on their way out of town for a race, run in at close, know everyone working by name, say they're sorry, and set twelve ice cold bottles on the counter and say, dude, I'm fucked. Can ya fix this for me?

Of course I can.

From: Jason Subject: Greg Brooks Raffle Dude, I have another update on the prize list for the raffle. As of today, the list is: 1 Lance Armstrong autographed Sports Illustrated 1 free entry into the 24 hours of Old Pueblo 1 2003 Giant OCR road frame and fork, size medium and... everyone who buys $20 worth of tickets gets a free Crank Brothers Power Pump. Send mail to jason (while supplies last)

Sounds good to me. And, you'll be doing a good thing for a good guy while you win cool shit.

And this, well, this would be scary.

From: TJ Subject: News Hello I do enjoy your site but, under the "Check the Science" why do you not have Fox News listed that is a great news site? Much better than abc.

I'm not really down with Faux News.

Monday, October 27, 2003

natalia cruze   I   charlie   I   ah bah duh yeah

Wanna piss off a bike mechanic? Sure you do. We all do. I mean, why not, right?

What's this "we" kemosabe?

Maybe you'd just like a nice big head ache?

This back on the bike thing is overrated. Ugh. I'm already sick of riding in the cold, and I've been at it for all of, well, lets see, three weeks. I am so going to crack.

At least I've still got athlete octane to help hold me together. With out that magic elixir I'd be a quivering mess. Much more than I am now.

From: Too drunk to fish Subject: [punish me] funny shite Is shit funny? Poo may be funny, but shit? Beats the shit out of me. This shit, I think, is funny.... playmobil.html

Grrr, little puny humans. Grrrr. Smash humans.

Hey, who wouldn't want to smash cars and go all ape shit? I know Bensy prays every night he'll get bit by a radioactive spider and turn from nerd to superhero.

Keep wishing Bensy. Could happen.

From: Mark Subject: sandra bullock - armstrong? sky.com/skynews/article/0,,30500-12878006,00.html Jonny- Check this shit out! Lance is becoming a straight pimp! Djuna is getting out of the hospital at the end of the week after he bout with the Army truck!

Well, how do you like them apples?

Looks like old Lance didn't have to wait long, eh? Lucky bastard. He must be beating the chick off with a stick.

And I'm just beating off.

I am glad to hear Djuna is coming along. Any time we have a biker down, it puts a black eye in the gang.

From: Sabol Subject: uphill time trail!!! oh baby...i am jumping up and down all ready for this one....all of europe will be at stage 16...uphill time trial up alp d' huez.......!!!!!!! that little bar at the top with the pictures of all the past winners...stella on tap...and tons of drunk belgian fellas and sexy tour caravan stuff thrower outer girls ....oh the good times are already brewing.... did i mention....uphill time trial on alp d' huez.........fuck yeah!!!!

Next years Tour will be a great one. One of the best in years, I'm sure. And, this year was no slouch.

It is a good time to be a cycling fan.

Sunday, October 26, 2003

river   I   yeah baby   I   natalia cruze

The Eagles come out on top of the Jets in today's game. We're clawing our way up the NFC East standings one rung at a time. It looks like those bastard Cowboys aren't going anywhere against Tampa Bay, so this may be a tie for toe top spot at the end of today. Oh, how sweet it is.

Ever hear the term "stovepipe"? It's when information is sent straight to someone like our Vice President before anyone at a lower level in say, the CIA, can figure out if it's bunko or not. Stove pipes go straight up the ladder without any delay or input along the way. It's a really bad idea and it fucked us hard. And by "us" I mean the whole world pretty much. So, you can shove this stovepipe straight up your ass.

I have it on good standing that Big Pun does indeed crush a lot. And by good standing, I mean I heard it second hand. Good enough for this website any day of the week. Word on the street is that he single handedly woke up all of his room mates, the neighbors, and all of west Flagstaff in about twenty minutes of hard labor.

Crush. A lot.

And Snake and I stared each other down over a bowl of pretzels. Fat ass, have a few more. After you chubs of fun. Yeah, it's like that. Welcome to my personnel hell.

How long till the first race and already with the bullshit. He tells me he wants me there at Leadville so he can laugh at me while descending after the turn around. Of course, he says I'll still be heading up the hill. I told him I'll fucking tackle him right then and there. I don't care if he's winning. He comes by and laughs, he comes off the bike. Simple as that.

Ain't I a dick?

Friday, October 24, 2003

diana   I   for sheezy   I   bobbi eden

And now I even got the Gnome calling me out. Oh, the shame. The horror.

From: gnome Subject: 24 hour encouragement Fuck- In only the way I can, I'm trying to encourage you to step into hell on earth for 24 hours. 3 months to go and you're still "Considering" a solo effort? Shit or get off the pot man. And all those rides that you've suffered through- they're nothing. At 2am, you will find reasons and parts of your self that you didn't know before. To know that you're going to hurt like never before wont help you either. You have to be sick. Even then, you still won't be prepared. And three months is almost not enough time... Almost. You cannot "consider" this. You can only do, or not do. "Better to regret something you have done instead of regretting what you have not done" Besides, do you want to be "that guy" in the pic? Better stop "considering" and start "doing" I'm calling you out motherfucker. XOXO

Do I want to be the guy in the photo? At the back of a group of attractive young ladies, cyclists all, and they just happen to be naked?

Nah. I would fucking hate for that to happen. Worst nightmare. Absolute hell. Yep.

Fucker.

Ok, I'm in. I'm going to try and do the 24 Hour of the Old Pueblo solo.

Now fuck off.

Check out villain supply for all your party needs. Should be a real hit this Halloween. For sheezy.

From: zeke Subject: cross racing Well Boss Cross #2 did not go as well as #1. I was way at the bottom of the heap out of about 25 riders. I was being passed by juniors and the some of the guys that I am usually in front of lapped me. What the hell! Well the course was not very single speed friendly...that's about all I can say. I was so worn out from pushing that I was just letting people ride by. I had nothin'. But hopefully this week will be better. I will be sportn' new wheels and drive train and running some gears... I know gears??? but hey the course is at the same lo-cal and I know we will be going up the same hill so I will take all the help I can get. We will see what happens. All that new stuff my beat up old Surly is gonna be pimpin'.

Thursday, October 23, 2003

anita dark   I   houston is a hizzo   I   gina ryder

Ain't this just great? Where can I get some of this THG stuff?

Did I already link to the 303 collective? Shit fucking rocks. Hit up the audio section, click on the mp3s and just chill baby, chill.

Solid.

Ain't 303 the Denver area code? Shit. I gots to get my skinny white ass up there. Ok, fat white ass. It was only a figure of speech, for fucks sake.

Stop yelling.

From: Dave Evil Subject: I am not sure I would hope you would go to this stupid site and see this little fat kid busting out some freestyle whitebread rap. It's not funny, it's fucking hilarious. crispy.wmv Training begins in two weeks. Stay at my place for the first days of Superweek, cockknocker, then go on Ragbrai.

I have no idea where that movie is hosted, so I hope I don't crush anyone's bandwidth my linking to it.

Ah, training. Good times. You're behind it, Dave Evil, you should have started training already. What are you, fucking Armstrong or something?

From: David Subject: The Badger thread Jonny The Badger thread is still running, although less side bursting. You may not have seen the link below. Open the image and watch it for a while. oolite.co.uk/randompics/badgerbus3sml.gif

Oh, good times.

Jeremy writes in with this link, top 10 conservative idiots and says tells me number nine is the worst. Fuck, they all suck. I'm kinda partial to number ten in a strange way.

Boykin. For fucks sake. What a jackass. Ya have just got to love a man so blindly in love with Jesus, that, well, he's blind. Good work, nutjob. I hope you get fired.

I mean, can you afford to keep a Christian wingnut like that around? He's going to make things very difficult in the near future. Us against them, God versus the Devil, what side are you on? Yeah right, fuck you.

And while you're over at the democratic underground site, check out this article called, "You do what you gotta do".

Need something to do Saturday?

From: Ernesto Subject: Tour de Las Fuentes Yo Big J, Just thought I would let all of your Phoenix readers in on a cool ride coming up this weekend. The 4th Annual Tour De Las Fuentes is being brought to you by David Nelson and the White Mountain Road Club aka Landis/Trek/VW. It is a great fundraising ride to help the Las Fuentes Medical Clinic in Guadalupe. So saddle up, bring 10 bucks, win some cool stuff in the raffle and ride home feeling like a better person. I can't think of anything better than to help give people the gift of health. wmrc.org/tdlf03/

Wednesday, October 22, 2003

me rikey   I   sherly crawford   I   cherokee white

Ate some damn good food tonight, ladies and gentlemen. I can recommend, to you fair reader, the New Jersey Pizza Company. New Jersey is right next to Pennsylvania, so you know it's the shiznit. They are located at 2224 East Cedar Ave, and that's in Flagstaff. More from our boy B.

From: B Subject: Re: freedom my ass you know, that makes me very curious - you are an intelligent person, or at least you know how to hide your lack of intelligence well. what were you planning to teach and what made you change your mind?

I think, sir, that you are flattering me.

Ha! Anyway, I got into a teaching degree 'cause it just felt like the thing to do at the time. My Mother is a teacher, first grade. I've got an Aunt that used to be a principal and another Aunt and Uncle pair that are educators.

It just felt like the thing to do.

Until I started student teaching.

Now, the kids, well, the kids are all right. My peer group, the other teachers, they were a bunch of squares and as boring as the day is long. They thought I was insane for riding my bike to school in the morning.

It was the only thing that kept me going.

And the parents. Fucking bunch of uncaring assholes. Ok, not all of them, but enough to make your head spin.

I got offered a job for 21.5 and said no thanks. Three days after I walked for graduation I was on a plane to Pittsburgh to turn wrenches for a pro team. Good times.

That's it in a nutshell.

From: zeke Subject: cross racing Oh baby!! Cross season has officially begun here in Kansas City!! Saturday we had the Race for Kids charity cross race... I did terrible. That's ok because I was using it as a practice run for Sunday's Boss Cross #1. Conveniently at the park four blocks from my house the course was great. I had a huge stair case run up and some really fast sections. I placed 8th out of 17. Not bad I say. My goal is to place in the top 10 of every race I go to. Not bad for a guy on a single speed. I was representn' in my DC jersey. I think I would have done at least one place better if I hadn't ate shit over a barrier... I hit the ground hard...still not sure how it happened... It kinda took a lot out of me. Ah well... still had a blast!!

Right on man. Go get 'em. Better you than me. And so on…

Bad things adrift out in Fruita. Check it out on the Over the Edge Sports webpage and at fruita mountainbike. This is not to be missed.

From: pooh man Subject: dude I just found the sweetest sticker to go on my full black Bullit. Go to gostickit.net , they have a ton of major betty stickers that will look badass on a frame. I was partial to the Carlos Cartagena Hot Babe collection. You can fill out a survey and get one for free, too. Woo Woooo!

Not just yeah, but hell yeah. Those stickers rule. The ones I make are shit. I've got one kinda like this on my Kona Unit right now. The only thing wrong with it, is that I can't see it while I'm riding.

But, that would probably only lead to me crashing the shit out of myself. And bad stuff like that.

Tonight's joke.

From: nick Subject: three guys Three guys, an Englishman, a Frenchman and a Welshman are out walking the beach one day when they come across a lantern. One of them picks it up and out pops a genie. "I'll grant you one wish each" says the genie. The Welshman says, "I'm a farmer, my dad was a farmer and my son will also farm the land. My wish is that the land in will remain fertile forever in Wales." "Done," said the genie. The genie turned to the Frenchman. "Well, I would like a wall around France to stop all unwanted people coming into my precious country." "OK" says the genie, "It's done. The genie then looks at the Englishman. "I'm curious, says the Englishman, please tell me more about this wall." "Well," says the genie. "It's about 150 feet high, 50 feet thick and nothing can get in or out. "I see, says the Englishman, very interesting." "So then, what's your wish?" says the genie. The Englishman replies, "Fill it with water."

I think maybe one more email and I'm out. I haven't even touched all those that showed up today yet. How ya like them apples?

From: Chip Subject: A milestone of sorts Back from a noontime ride. It's official: I'm in the worst riding shape of my 30s. Gonna celebrate w/ a beer (or two) and a cheesesteak. Just thought I'd share with y'all. p.s. - Yes, I still enjoyed the ride. Perfect weather.

Oh God, how true it is.

Tuesday, October 21, 2003

jade hsu   I   I'm going to hell   I   laundryroom chaos

Oh God, only three and a half months to prepare for 24 Hours in the Old Pueblo. I am so going to die. I'm actually considering having a go at the solo category this year. Single speed, of course.

From: Bob Subject: High Maintenance Thought you'd enjoy a shot of "Team High Maintenance". Some of Vail's women mountain bikers. There's not a single speeder in the bunch, but try to look beyond that. I like their idea of a team photo.

I think "impressed" would be a good way to describe it. It's a huge pic, and I left it that way. It makes a fine wallpaper. I would know, I'm rocking it currently. I hope and pray the team actually exists and this isn't some kind of internet bullshit

Apparently, the ladies are for real.

You want to talk about some fucked up shit? Check out these wacko's over at the white aryan resistance. Fucking guys don't realize many of our grandfathers fought and died fighting the Nazis. Oh fuck it. Do whatever you want. Get blind drunk on cheap vodka, read stupid cartoons to make yourself feel better, and dance around in women's clothes on Hitler's birthday for all I care.

Good times.

And why not a little joke to lighten up the mood after I let the friends of Hitler in the door to spoil the party?

Dude, seriously, Hitler was an ass master.

Not that there is anything wrong with that…

From: Tall Paul Subject: Birthday Two weeks ago was my 45th birthday and I wasn't feeling too good that morning. I went to breakfast knowing my wife would be pleasant and say, "Happy Birthday!", and probably have a present for me. As it turned out, she didn't even say good morning, let alone any happy birthday. I thought, well, that's wives for you, the children will remember. The children came in to breakfast and didn't say a word. So when I left for the office, I was feeling pretty low and despondent. As I walked into my office, my secretary Janet said, "Good morning, Boss. "Happy Birthday". And I felt a little better that someone had remembered. I worked until noon, then Janet knocked on my door and said, "You know, it's such a beautiful day outside, and it's your birthday, let's go to lunch, just you and me." I said, "By George, that's the greatest thing I've heard all day. Let's go!" We went to lunch. We didn't go where we normally go; instead we went out to a private little place. We had two martinis and enjoyed lunch tremendously. On the way back to the office, she said, "You know, it's such a beautiful day. We don't need to go back to the office, do we?" I said, "No, I guess not." She said, "Let's go to my apartment." After arriving at her apartment she said, "Boss, if you don't mind, I think I'll go into the bedroom and slip into something more comfortable" "Sure!" I excitedly replied. She went into the bedroom and, in about six minutes, she came out carrying a huge birthday cake ----- followed by my wife, children, and dozens of our friends, all singing Happy Birthday. And I just sat there ---- on the couch ---- naked.

A guy came in the bike shop the other day and asked me if we had any "disc trails" around here. He was mid to late forties, at least. I'm being kind on this one. I had to ask him to repeat himself, as the only thing that came to mind was the hippie dingbat "sport" of disc golf. I thought maybe he was looking to hunk the disc around and maybe try and finish a bottle of scotch during the match.

No. He wanted to know if we had any trails that "required" disc brakes. I told him I didn't think so. I don't have disc brakes, I said, and braking is not one of my problems. A fear of heights and an inability to jump with anything slightly resembling style are my issues. Braking is not.

In other freakish customer news, I had another guy come in who sounded like a big old fat person when he talked, but was rail thin. You know the way real big folk can't talk 'cause they're always gasping for breath? It was kinda like that, 'cept without all the gasping part. And, it wasn't really shuddering either. I don't know what it was. I thought maybe he was having an asthma attack or something. Turns out it just his "way". It was really, really hard to talk with him as he went, "Look…at…the…way……these pieces…….go…..on the….sides…"

Oh, it went on like that for fucking ever. I couldn't hardly figure out what he was saying because once he finished a sentence an hour and a half had gone by.

I've spent years building up a relationship of mutual contempt and distrust with my client base. And I'm not going to just squander that away now, am I?

Shit's important.

These go out to "b", out student teaching site fan. Good luck, my brother.

From: John-O Subject: I shouldn't be around children either I've been reading this site for months, funniest shit in the world. Just saw a post from a guy who was student teaching. Poor bastard, I'm in the same boat. I spend too much time indoors trying to educate upper-class over-privileged kids who don't know shit about shit while my bikes sit in the garage and I get slower. I am only a slave to the bike shop on Saturdays now, leaving me a grand total of one day a week to spend fucking off on the bike. I am now wondering if I need to make a profession out of this? High school teacher or full time wrench? The possibilities are endless.....keep up the good work spreading the word, glad to see there's another person who survived the student teaching "experience" and is now not putting their degree to use-

I'm glad to see you are able to juggle the second and third oldest professions in the world. The ones right after whore'n.

Good luck with all that, my man. I've made my choice, and eight years on I can't really say it was the right one.

Felt good at the time I guess. Fuck it, I'm a lifer.

And just incase that didn't get you all warm and fuzz enough, check out this one.

From: Hank Subject: response to b Conformation has been slid over our necks and tightened for years. It is nothing new. It sucks. It is not just America but anywhere humans gather and live and reproduce. The basic controls of human societies are still here, technology instead of religion to control or pacify the masses, War, can't leave that one out. Fences, no trespassing all still in our face. The countries that don't have what we have want the perceived lifestyle they see in America. I once saw an etching in a village in west Africa depicting a car with a man inside that read." To be a man." when I walked up the trail to this village small kids ran and hid because they had never seen a white man. I hate to think that they long for a car. Don't get too down on America. We still have it better here than anywhere else. except maybe Moorea. Now that is a cool place. When I was there.....

Monday, October 20, 2003

charlie lane   I   sydney moon   I   ashton moore

Monday. Good times. I love a Monday. Of course, for me they don't mean quite as much as they do for other working folk. My week is usually all bitched up as I'm in a retail bike shop environment, with a sprinkling of weekend commitments. So, Monday ain't starting shit around here.

In fact, today may well be a little bit less busy than yesterday. Who knows, could happen.

Some just dandy pics of me totally blotto up over at onespeeder. Gnome and his camera will keep you out of public office for the rest of your life.

You gotta go check out bitchin movies. Shit is just unreal.

Brinky hit me off with some real Philly soft pretzel action tonight as he was back over the weekend. Shit was tight. God damn I love a soft pretzel. It did kinda lack the flavor of one heated up on a the metal grate of a shopping cart outside the Spectrum over a can of flaming Sterno.

But, the microwave was a strong second choice. You don't see a lot of soft pretzels cooking on shopping carts around here in Flagstaff. It's a damn shame too.

Let's go with a joke, and then I can bounce on up and out this mother fucker. Amish, Pennsylvania Dutch, whatever. It's all the same from where I'm standing.

From: C Subject: Amish Sexual Education THE REASON FOR SEX EDUCATION IN SCHOOLS: An Amish woman and her daughter were riding in an old buggy one cold blustery day. The daughter said to her mother, "My hands are freezing cold." The mother replied, "Put them between your legs. Your body heat will warm them up." The daughter did, and her hands warmed up. The next day the daughter was riding with her boy friend who said, "My hands are freezing cold." The girl replied, "Put them between my legs. The warmth of my body will warm them up." He did, and warmed his hands. The following day the boyfriend was again in the buggy with the daughter. He said, "My nose is cold." The girl replied "Put it between my legs. The warmth of my body will warm it up." He did, and warmed his nose. The next day the boyfriend was again driving with the daughter, and he said, "My penis is frozen solid." The following day the daughter was driving in the buggy with her mother again, and she says to her mother, "Have you ever heard of a penis?" Slightly concerned the mother said, "Why, yes. Why do you ask?" The daughter replies, "They make one hell of a mess when they defrost, don't they?"

Sunday, October 19, 2003

what?   I   susan   I   forget about it

I've discovered just tonight that one of the finest things about my time in Tucson is available remotely. Up here in the northland I can now enjoy the U of A radio broadcast over the internet. I found it under "indie" while dickin' around with real player tonight, and I'm chillin' like a mother fucker.

I'd tell you how to link to it, but I've no idea how I did it. Perhaps a google search is in order. Ok, here it is

This just in. I encourage everyone to read and learn from that one. Oh yeah, it's totally on the level.

Northwave sent me this link about some MIT guys creating a "a sort of citizens' intelligence agency". And who wouldn't want that? Stick it the man, my brothers and sisters.

You feelin' lucky? Try your luck at the drink o meter. I just got rated "Ozzy Osbourne". I figure that kicks ass.

From: B. Subject: freedom my ass I haven't yet decided why your website was the forum of choice for this rant. Maybe it's your spirit. I am a student teacher. I am in the middle of the first step in the journey of becoming a part of "the most noble profession." Logically, my situation begs the question, "What next?" And, tragically, I can't answer that question. I may be branded lazy, or slothful, or a host of other synonyms for saying this, but, why the fuck should I be expected to work myself into a state of mental anguish to function in this society? It has been taken for granted for too long that our place in life should be another cog in the machine. Freedom my ass. If I wanted to stake out my own parcel of land and live as self=sufficiently as possible, could I? If I decided I wanted to free myself of the burden of clothes and walk down the street, enjoying the sun on my pasty back, could I? If I decided I just wanted to be carefree and happy for the rest of my life, could I? Not until carefree and happy pay for medical insurance and rent and groceries. Bless America for giving me the freedom to think freely, but damn it for opening my eyes only to see the bars on the cage.

Oh, my website it totally the correct forum for that rant. When it all goes to shit, what do you do? You burn it all down and call up big jonny. I'm the man with the plan. Hop on in, brother, this things heading straight to hell.

I student taught back in '95 and haven't taught for one day. Yep, my undergraduate degree is in elementary education. Me. Teaching kids.

Great.

They'd have my ass in so jail so fucking fast it would make your head spin. Just one more thing I have in common with Ron Jeremy.

Ok. The only thing I have in common with Ron Jeremy. But, I can dream, can't I?

The 24 Hours of Moab is in the books. See the results if'n ya want.

Check this shit out.

From: Jason Subject: Greg Brooks benefit This message is all about helping out a friend in need. Greg Brooks is the father of a friend of mine, and has been driving the support van for Ragbrai (bike ride across Iowa) for years. He is the king of finding a campsite. Last year he was diagnosed with cancer - and he has no insurance. (he lost his insurance when he lost his job a couple years ago) Recently he underwent a cat scan, as they think the cancer may have spread to his liver. This is all insanely expensive, especially without insurance. In order to help offset these costs I am going to do a little raffle. I have a copy of the August 5th, 2002 Sports Illustrated with Lance on the cover, signed by the man himself. (picture attached) I am selling raffle tickets for it at $2.00 each. Please make checks payable to "Greg Brooks Benefit". Send the money, along with your name, address, and e-mail to: Greg Brooks Benefit PO Box 55 Belle Plaine, IA 52208. I will draw for a winner on December 1st (in time for giving as a Christmas present). The winner will be notified by e-mail and posted on http://drunkcyclist.com Please forward this message to anyone you know that would be interested. (any cyclists would be interested) If you have any questions, please send them to me.

Saturday, October 18, 2003

jessica   I   sky   I   lesbians rule

I've decided I'm becoming unimpressed with the writing around here. What is this big jonny asshole up to anyway? It's like his brains broke.

Ok, Dad, I'll try to do better. Something.

Today was Pines to the Mines. Flagstaff to Jerome. On dirt. I'll tell ya right off I felt like hell, and have all week long. I figured the river was a good goal, and I could climb off there.

Oh yeah, brilliant idea. Smashing.

The ride was great, a little something something put together by my man Goldmember. Smooth daddy pimpster mother fucker. We started from Pay and Take downtown. Just throw your bag in the van, and get on it boy.

I wish I could tell you where we went. I'm a bit blurry on all of it actually. Out Route 66, out Woody Mountain road, out friggin somewhere, around Sycamore Canyon, Butte, or whatever it is out there.

The Badger and I took the long, but way fucking faster, way around the Sycamore Rim trail as we are sissies. No matter, it's still and ass beating. From this point on the only place I know was called JD dam. Just another stock tank out in the woods as far as I can tell.

Then, it's another ten miles of undulating forest road and bomb down off the rim. Way down. Then, the blessed river with the blessed van.

Now, I grew up back east, and what passes for a river out here is a crick, stream, or creek back there. No matter, I went for a swim immediately.

So fresh and so clean. Word.

The Badger was bound and determined to ride all the way to Jerome. I said fuck it. I had 5:30 in ride time and almost six hour in elapsed time. What I mean to say is it was now 3:00 pm, and hot as hell. It had to be over 95 down there in the valley.

Stick a fork in me, I'm fucking done.

I hung out with Brian, the man nice enough to pilot the van. I ate food, I drank water, I loved it. We listened to the NAU Lumberjacks win their homecoming game on the radio and rolled a slow sag up to Jerome, which is fifteen miles up from the river. And I mean up. Way fuckin up.

Only Swiller opted out for the van on the way up. He made it about where he and I were laying under bushes waiting for a miracle in the way of a redneck with water last time we were out this way.

We pulled the van over. We admired the view. We drank water and joked about how nice it was to not be completely and utterly fucked like. Like we were last time.

Everyone else made it. Fucking hard ass ride. I don't know what the fastest time was, in fact, I have no idea. I never thought to ask, as I'm not sure anyone was really recording it. But, it as All Fucking Day, that's for sure. We left and 9:00 am and we weren't in Jerome with the van until almost 6:00 pm.

Fucking super fun day. There was, I think, about ten of us. Maybe nine, maybe eleven. I don't know. One flat tire, and it didn't loose pressure till we had been sitting around the bar for a bit.

One crash, and I think that was Goldmember after he rode up on some guy orally servicing his girl out on the rim trail.

I might have fallen off my bike too, if I had seen that.

Friday, October 17, 2003

kitana baker   I   blonde   I   lesbians rule

Tomorrow in Pines to the Mines. From Flagstaff to Jerome. On dirt. I am so going to die.

I wonder if I'll pull this one off? Ah, what's the point of worriying about it for fucks sake. What's done is done.

I'm dead, I might as well deal with it.

And now my phone is dead. How fun. I'm stoked, just fucking stoked.

Something I heard at the shop today.

Q: "Do you know any good senior pranks?"

A: "I used to pee on people…"

I just about died when I heard that. What the fuck kind of freaks do I work with?

Anthony says, "feel the love". Click here.

From: mark Subject: a cyclist hit and severely injured Big J--- Greetings from Columbia, SC-- Just this past Tuesday, a friend of mine and one of the best female riders around got hit from behind by a truck. Now for the bad part...she was riding on Ft. Jackson army base and was hit, run over and dragged by an Army troop truck. The driver did not see Djuna and basically plowed into her. Right now, it's unknown how far the truck dragged her. She lost all of the flesh on her upper arms and from her shoulders to her upper thighs on the trunk of her body. One of her hips was torn to the bone! She has a fractured back, lacerated liver and had internal bleeding that made it's way into her stomach. She's been in surgery several times already and will most likely need several more, not including skin grafts down the road. Her helmet most likely saved her head and her life. Her bike was destroyed to the point where it's not recognizable, but fuck it, it's only a bike! Please put this email on the site so everyone can send some good mojo to Djuna in the hospital! She is one of those people who is truly kind of heart and spirit who always had a smile on her face! Thanks Bro! Your are a gentleman and a scholar!

Damn. That is a shitty story. Here's to some good mojo for Djuna. I hope she makes a full and quick recovery.

Big Tex told me the other day, "the harder you work, the harder it is to surrender" That's from Vince Lombardi.

From: Tony Subject: The famous tour jump photo & Downhillers are cyclists too. I downloaded the teaser for the New World Disorder IV Video "Ride the Lightning" and it rocks! I took a good look at the scene where Dave Watson hits the jump just as a group of riders passes underneath the takeoff. >From what I can tell, the infamous photo (which everybody said was bogus) is the real deal. I saved the pic and everything matches up with what I see on the video: tour riders, spectators, dust from the takeoff, even the slight right side cross up on Watson's part. If you pay attention, you can see him start to bounce as he gets bucked on the landing. I sure wish I could make it for the World Premier in LV. Oh yeah, I've been meaning to call you out about something you once said on the site; "Friends don't let friends shuttle ride". I've done my share of pedaling and I can climb a hill pretty well (on either my XC, Road, or Cyclo bike), but I also LOVE to ride my big pig (Santa Cruz Super 8) on downhill trails. I'm not talking about terrorizing other trail users on popular/crowded trails (like Sunset or Schultz). That's just asking for trouble. Here in Albuquerque, we have a couple of DH courses up on our mountain that are not well known, and far too steep, technical, and unpleasant for any other trail users (so we don't have a problem here with trail user conflict). That being said, SHUTTLING (or riding a chairlift) is the only reasonable way back to the top of the hill for those of us who choose to use gravity for speed and thrills. Remember those BMX punks (in Tucson I think) you mentioned once for looking at you like you were a geek all decked out in your spandex with your skinny tire bike. Your sentiment at the time was that we are all bikers. Remember that one the next time you see "Those Darth Vader armor wearing downhillers". After all, downhillers drink LOTS of beer.

Word. I'm hearing you Tony. I never did see all of the New World Disorder thing, but I saw some parts of it.

And, yeah, downhillers are cyclists too. I know, I know, I'm just as much of an asshole as the rest of them.

Go figure.

And those bmx guys in Tucson were yelling at me when I was in street clothes. Not that it matters either way.

Thursday, October 16, 2003

freakishly big boobs   I   for sheezy   I   jessie capelli

I've been trying to get my mid month site overhaul done, with a new vid, mp3, and some links and such. But, just can't seem to pull my head out of my ass. I probably won't even get this uploaded tonight. Oh, Interbike hit me like a ton of bricks.

It was fucking great, wasn't it?

This is just too damn funny. It takes a while to get into to whole thread, but this poor bastard just keeps digging himself deeper and deeper. He looks pretty pissed in the original pic used, without his permission apparently, on the yes tubes site.

Funny thing is, it's the person who took the picture who owns it. And, it's a parody site. He should be stoked someone made a joke of it, not all fired up and shit.

From: David Subject: It's Friday Goes on and on but funny singletrackworld.com/forum/ PS, you have to look at the link on the first post, under testimonials Link is below paradigmhosting.net/yes_tubes/

I had a talk with this guy recently who worked for a small frame builder. In fact, he petty much is the small frame builder. I wouldn't say it went so well. I guess it wasn't that bad, really. Anway, I told him about my site, and described it as the cycling site with adult content.

He looked at me like I had stepped on his toe.

Later on I mentioned something about how once you start down that porn road, it's hard to go back. He told me, "I don't ever want to go down the porn road."

I had been referring to how hard it is to wean yourself off revenue generated from linking pay porn sites. That is what pretty much keeps this site running. Sure, I get a little industry help here and there, but most bike companies can't associate themselves with a bottom feeder like myself.

I can understand that. It's a bitch, but that's just that way it is. This cow eats cash and I've got to cover a pretty big nut every month now.

And so it goes.

Wednesday, October 15, 2003

for sheezy   I   mary carey (ran for governor)   I   lesbians rule

Got in a short spin his morning with Snake. I think the last time I rode was on Sunday morning. Just a few short days ago. To think how far I've fallen in such a short time. Unreal.

Just getting out of bed, an effort unparalleled in recent history. Probably because it's my bed. A little easier to get off the floor and try and find where you left your shoes out in Vegas, than to get out of a perfectly warm sleeping bag back at the ranch.

The White Stallion Ranch.

From: Silas Subject: Curious George Hey, I wish the best for hincapie, god damn if he and millar don't make a cute couple Hope you got an autograph from your queer hero while you were in Vegas.

Ah, no. I'm not really down with waiting in line with a couple hundred dorks for much of anything. I did get to shake the hand of Tyler Hamilton though, as I was introduced by a mutual friend. I didn't even know what to say to him. The guy is a fucking hero.

So, I just said hi and left it at that.

Go here click your mouse on the pic, drag it over to the side and let 'er rip. You'll start at it for hours. Trust me.

A couple of guys sent in links about Miss America 2000, Heather Henry, hitting and killing a cyclist with her car. Read about it here.

No bueno.

A letter about the Fat Tire Fest on last Saturday. Yeah, seems like last fucking year.

From: Response Subject: Emergency Bukake Well, The Tour De Fat was cool. I just got back, It was cool to see how bicycles cross alla the boundries. Rich poor old young trials singles fixies BMX and a bunch shit that has nothing to do with bikes at all..Lotsa young wimmin with firm breastestes many with no bras!! Moscow was damn good. Cycleside was fucking awsome. We ended up bumping into those cats at a gas station on our way back from the Grand Canyon. I filled their fists with cheap beers from my cooler and gave em all free tshirts. Oh yeah I saw your big gay ass loitering by the front entrance wearing your weasle suit. All shaved up and looking pretty. Pistol Pete was right, you do have a pretty mouth.

If I would have known grooming meant so much to you, I would have waxed my nutsack for ya, sunshine.

Go check out Dave Evil's story about the Worlds over at pez cycling. Kinda makes me wish I had been there.

Maybe this dude has the right idea about Interbike. Stand in line, get a bunch of free crap, then sell it on ebay.

Fuck, it's got to beat my life.

From: mtb junky Subject: posters i scored 300 free posters at interbike, $10 each thats $3000 free money, plus i scored lance pins, musette bags, pens, a nice photo album magazine of the tour courtesy of giro.....stickers, free cliff bars, i got a signed photo with simoni, and autographs from marla, tinker, shonny, tyler, floyd, petacchi, alison, rubiera. all in da house..... yaaaa what a day. the most prized was the lance oakley 2003 tour posters with iban mayo. i snagged 18 of these bad boys and sold 3 today on ebay for $30 each. thats a big hell ya. check out my other finds at interbike, best thing is that these are free so i get to make up for the lost $$$$$$ on the tables.

Damn. He's got all that shit for sale. That poster I got for wifey, yeah, he's got it too. And my pimp ass gold Giro book? Yep. Got that too.

I ain't never sellin' that gold covered shiznit, T-boy. Never. Shit's like the best thing I've ever gotten in my life.

From: chris Subject: link here's a semi new band www.muse.mu not yet released in the state's , but their damn cool .

Good tunes and a smooth flash site. I like it.

Yeah, that's working for a brother. Mike sent this link and said, "I hope you have a big pipe."

Jenna. Word. She is hotter than July.

From: Dave Evil Subject: Why is it you waste your time with training when you go to places like Vegas and destroy all your fitness? I wonder the same of myself, therefore I simply ride to ride, ride as hard as possible, and show up at the start line with a good attitude.

Good question. I'll try and give you an equally good answer. Maybe drinkin is an event in and of itself? Something worthy of the time and attention any athlete gives his chosen event. I'll tell ya, if I hadn't been training, I would've been dropped early, like some other unmentioned folks. I do what I do and I do it well.

In the words of my boss today, I am "worthless".

Tuesday, October 14, 2003

monique alexander   I   cameron   I   jana

I think I've aged ten years in two days. The mileage I just put on my poor liver would kill a horse. Amazing, really. I'm not sure how I just managed to get back from Vegas in one piece.

Interbike. The great trainwreck. Good times.

There is a line in the movie Mallrats that is quite telling of me and the boys at Interbike. "They aren't here to work. They're not here to shop. They're just here."

That would be us. We ain't here to talk business, we're here to talk shit and get loaded.

This is an all together different brand of mallrat.

The drive up was uneventful, which, all things considered, is exactly how you want to start off a road trip. Nice and easy. Lots of coffee and we got to town around ten at night.

Straight to the Double Down, one of the best bars, anywhere, ever. BTI was throwing a ten year anniversary party, and it was a damn good one. A couple of rocking bands, a couple of dozen beers and we didn't get up out that mother fucker till five in the morning.

Up cooking breakfast for somebody… The whistles go Wooooooo!

Thank God for Chipps who offered us up some floor space at that late hour. There is no way in hell the Gnome, the Angry Hippie and myself were going to make it anywhere that required presenting an ID and handing over money in the condition we were in. Oh sure, we could have gotten an hotel room before we went out boozing, but what fun would that be? Phil the Horse opened the door, I collapsed on the floor. And that was that.

Totally, one hundred percent, not gay.

Four hours later, we was right back up in it again. Fucking throw me off will ya? I'll climb right back up on that fucker, just like I always do.

Stupid me.

How I manage to get that totally fucked up every year and still manage to sell shirts and press the flesh is beyond me.

I pretty much feel like shit today.

A big thanks to all the site fans out there. It was cool meeting all of you. Thanks to everyone who bought a shirt. I appreciate the support. And to all my boys, I'll see you next year.

Sunday, October 12, 2003

kerri kendall   I   amber   I   lesbians rule

Yesterday was the Fat Tire festival here in town. I, like damn near everyone I know, got twisted. Drinking beer in the sun all day, listening to tunes and generally just mucking it up.

Oh, it was proper.

Today, today hurts. And I leave for Vegas this afternoon. Late in the afternoon, actually. I work till 4:00, then it would be a fucking miracle to be on the road by 5:00.

Wish us luck.

With the Gnome and the Angry Hippy in my car it ought to be fun. I've also got a "maybe" from another guy, but we'll see if he ends up needing that ride.

Fuck.

We've got the World Championship race and the 508 going on live feeds. Ya gotta love that internet.

My pick for the 508 is Dan McGehee and Innes Matthew of team Mountaingoat. Looks like they are in first at the moment. I helped crew for Dan a couple of years back when he won the thing solo. It's a mother fucker of a race.

Kinda like the riding this guys is doing.

From: panda Subject: dumbass ride stats I don't care what the time or heart rate says. I wanna know what that there scale in the bathroom is reading. I was a steady 190, but have been retaining water since last weekend and am up around 198. That is weird! Oh yeah, my ride last saturday. 12 hours 25 minutes 252 miles and average heart rate of 130. spent 6 hours in my target zone and my average cadence was 70rpm. It was between 50 and 82 degrees and rained on us a bit during hour 10. Oh yeah, it was slow cause I'm a wuss right now and it was really windy. my ride on wednesday.... 65 minutes heart rate 100 maybe, 2 cups of coffee and a bagel and about 16 miles total. It was slow cause I'm still hurting a bit. Hope the weekend is better.

Makes my dinky little three hour rides look like the bullshit they are.

Jesus.

I won't even try to update from the show. It pretty much just won't happen even if I bring a computer with me. So, I'm laptop free on this one.

I'll see you there.

Friday, October 10, 2003

linda   I   aubrie   I   lesbians rule

Something changed this morning. I'm not really sure what it was, the weather, my legs, my attitude. Maybe it doesn't really matter if I can lay my finger exactly on it. Maybe the important part is just going with it.

The forecast calls for rain, but I guess I got out before it hit. The low clouds and humidity made for a slightly warmer morning than the last fucking-a cold rides earlier this week. I can't begin to tell you how nice it was to ride with less clothing and feel warmer at the same time.

I'll take it.

The legs feel good. I'm ten days into this years riding. Ten days. The first two or three totally sucked. I can completely relate to what my wife goes through when she gets back on her bike after being too busy to ride or whatever. All the things you used to do feel impossible. The legs feel as if they're made of wood. You just can't get going, you just can't get it together.

It usually takes me a week to get rolling. A solid week of bullshit suffering, just hating myself and my weak constitution. Damn this evil drink, this hot wings and these late nights. See what you've done to me?

It's all past me now.

From: Pistol Pete Subject: snaaaatch! I'm sitting here writing to Yuki-chan,my slanty-pie and what do I see?A little co-ed with the littlest skirt you ever saw.Yeh,I know,you've seen some pretty small skirts.Well this one was small.And it had a little chick in it too.Fucking around with her fucking bags and shit.And that little skirt just kept riding higher.With a well groomed little snatch up there.Cutetst thing I've seen in a while.I gotta go rub one out.....

Word up. Check out these wallpaper pics of almond eyed cuties.

You can thank me later.

And now, after a couple of beers at Troy and Dara's little shindig, I'm feeling just fine. I can't believe it took me till the tenth day of this month to have a beer or three and be ale to pedal like something other than a moron. Unreal.

You might see this site mentioned in the new O'Grady cartoon in this months Bicycle Retailer and Industry News. Yeah. I'm nationwide.

Good news on the 7-Up Yours front. Like Gloria Gaynor, they will survive.

From: Mark Subject: 7-UP Big J- Yes, while it is true that 7Up is pulling out, They have a new sponsor and things aren't going to change a whole lot in their camp. HealthNet ponied up some jack and has expanded their sponsorship role in American cycling. 7Up's manager, Jeff Corbett, lives about 2 minutes from me and I got it straight from the horse's mouth. They are also riding Giants next year! The contact with HealthNet starts January 1st. Jeff also went down right in front of me last Sunday. I had the choices of taking a hit from an SUV, running over Jeff or running over his C'dale. Of course, I chose the C'dale....

Well, thank God for that. I'd hate to see those boys in the tank as well.

Line of the night: "My wife likes your site. She's into porn."

Thursday, October 9, 2003

vivian is smoking   I   sylvia saint   I   straight to hell

My man David Miller won the World Champion time trial. God damn. Way to go, Miller. Check him out in the rainbow jersey.

From: Sabol Subject: it's miller time baby david millar......one of the nicest guys in the pro peloton has reached the promise land...world champ.....couldn't be happier ..... now you toss ogrady into the mix next year and some of the french youngsters like monticue(sp) and you got a damn fine team at Cofidis.....however, they still cut lance , fuckers!!!! but you gotta love the britt!!!!!

I've just heard that yet another American pro team is hitting a brick wall. 7-Up is pulling the plug. Read about it here. And, yes, you have to scroll way down to see it. But, it is there.

Are there even any teams left? Navigators? And then who? Jesus. This sucks.

Ang told me tonight never to buy any stuff with the old stars and bars printed on it. It's what is really the Navy Jack, to be correct about it. I guess a lot of neo-nazi jackoffs are the ones doing the selling, and therefore making the money.

Definitely not cool.

What's it's really all about is this shit right here. Guys recreating actual flags used by actual troops. I'm mean, that's the real shit. Couple of rednecks and some "barn wood". Saving and preserving history. Not neo-nazis.

Luckily, I don't really have any of that shit to begin with. So, I'm cool as a cucumber up in this piece.

A little bit more about Ahwatukee's number one cycling fan.

From: Brian Subject: DPS OFFICER BOB MCCARTHY Look, he worked on the Operation CARE Program for DPS. What a nice man. careofnorthamerica.org/history83.htm

It's under the bold print title, National Conference. Here is a quote for ya. "Sergeant Bill Hansen and Officer Bob McCarthy of the Arizona DPS, covered the alcohol and drunk driving concerns that remained a top priority."

Drunk driving? This guy went to a national conference for CARE, which means, by the way, Combined Accident Reduction Effort. So he's all up on road safety, and talked about the "concerns" of drunk driving? And he just wrote in a letter to the editor that, "In my opinion and that of many others, a bicyclist on a major street or highway is a Cloud Nine dreamer just waiting to be pasted on somebody's bumper."

Thanks for keeping it safe out there, pilgrim. I appreciate the effort you put forth. My tax dollars supported your effort to reduce accidents and the, in your own words, you suggest as a cyclist I am just waiting to be justly struck down by an automobile. Because, as he so eloquently put it, "Any mode of travel, other than by car, truck or motorcycle, takes second place or less in the pecking order."

Prick.

Shouldn't surprise me. Check this shit out.

From: Jason Subject: No Subject Dude, Check this shit out. pulsetc.com/article.php?sid=658 Fucking fascists. Arnold is the fucking governor of California. It is hard to not be pissed off all of the time given the current political climate. The assholes are running the show. The end is near. If you will excuse me, I am going to go try to ride through the plague of locusts outside.

Good luck with those locusts. I'm just trying to ride and not freeze my bippy off. Er, I mean ass. Freeze my ass off.

One hundred percent not gay right here. Yep. Football. Sports. Man soup.

Never mind.

Wednesday, October 8, 2003

veronica zemanova   I   erica campbell   I   tyler fox

Jesus Christ, get a load of this. And then this. I hope you like fucking dead bodies if you get one of those. My God, it just isn't right.

Although, I do kinda dig the blue hair. What up girl?

From: Scorekeeper Scott Subject: world champeenchips in 04, reprezentin! Boys, boys, boys, Yours' is a house that one needs a gas mask in I bet, especially with the Gnome not warshin' his clothes, no that DC is a rose by another name. I have heard a faint rumor that the Single Speed World Championships of 2004 shall be in Germany. You know that means drunkcyclist and crew will have to represent, the home of beer! I have a little bird on my shoulder that is responsible for the art work for the event, I may join him in his quest for singlespeed enlightenment. The whispers say that a month over there could include the end of a grand circle to start your trip, and finish it off proper with a beergarten derby. I am going to the bar to start training now, must carbo load for such a huge event. over and out, updates as they come to me

Yeah, we're a couple of total fucking schmucks. You would not believe how unglamorous our lives really are. Internet celebrity? Fuck that shit. I'm talking about poor white trash.

Straight up.

And, I ain't claimin' shit, but damn if I would love to hit up Germany like the bitch that she is next year. A trip across the pond, ride singlespeeds, and drink beer like a mother fucker?

Now we're talking.

From: Mike Subject: reilly is clinical Listen to this NPR: Fresh Air : Terry Gross interview w/ Bill O'reilly Little 4'9" Terry takes O'Reilly out with a bitch slap of the month award move. that fukking creep (not a man at all), is totally delusional, he doesn't know what right is, wrong is, up is, down is, nothing .. he is clinically insane and floats on a air cushion of farts from the mouth lies that is breathtaking in smell, bullism, lies, ... and the underlying tone is a creep that is very, very angry at everything for everything ... for people who follow him, and think he makes sense, there is something seriously wrong .. I would call it a double litmus test for either stupidity and/or delusion thinking npr.org/features/feature.php?wfId=1459090 hope that link works ... I don't think the actual show is available from the link yet, though I'm sure it will be later today sometime ...

I changed the link in your email, 'cause I found something that worked better. You can find an audio stream on the page I found. Listen to it.

Anyway, I am no fan of Bill O'Reilly. He's a fucking strutting fool. A total jackass. A man with serious problems. Deep emotional issues. To think he actually believes he's anything other than a sick, bullying asshole. It's beyond me. Really

Yeah. Send the email. I'm ready.

I can't wait to that guy burns. What's it going to be? Black market prescription drugs? Raping little boys? Nazi party member?

Oh, he's going to fall. And fall far.

From: Tall Paul Subject: Roads are for cars, not bikes this appeared in the Ahwatukee Foothills News. Dear Editor: To all bicyclists and Brian Anciaux in particular. Please let this sink into your gray matter. Regardless of the political propaganda espoused by environmentalists (you folks included) and hypocritically supported by our elected officials, our streets and highways are not built for horses, golf carts, pedestrians, skaters or bicycles. Their primary purpose and reason for being is the orderly expeditious movement of motor vehicles. You got that? Any mode of travel, other than by car, truck or motorcycle, takes second place or less in the pecking order. Regardless of what some bogus law or regulation may state, the simple reality is you are on the hind teat if you choose the pedal instead of the metal. Not only do you look ridiculous in your silly helmets, spandex and prayer-rug riding style, you raise the ire of motorists who have to decelerate and swing wide around you. If you must do it, please stay on residential streets where the motor vehicle traffic is light. In my opinion and that of many others, a bicyclist on a major street or highway is a Cloud Nine dreamer just waiting to be pasted on somebody's bumper. Yours Aye & Semper Fi, Bob McCarthy Department of Public Safety retired

Yeah. Great. I love guys who know how to share the road.

Thanks for that, buddy.

Mike writes in and says, "Check out the Litespeed stuff."

I've got a Litespeed. Why isn't mine like that?

Tuesday, October 7, 2003

heather   I   anya   I   alyssa lovelace

A day off from work. Today I can ride. A couple of hours anyway. Get out there and see it. If I only wasn't so tired.

So it goes.

Here is today's ride info, for Big Justin Jackass. Ride time: Three hours. Average heart rate: 119. Long and slow, 'cause it's that time of the year around here.

Did ya hear the one about the guy in New York with an actual tiger in his apartment? I'd link the Times on this one, but the link will be no good in four hours. That's their usual routine.

Try this link at USA Today. Or, this one at CNN.

From: Tall Todd Subject: rock and roll Hey folks, I wanted to do some shameless self-promoting and invite each of you to a show at the Black Cat on this-coming Friday evening, October 10. We were added to the bill after Electric Frankenstein cancelled, so it's a bit of a last-minute pitch. It looks to be a raucous show as one of the bands are called the Assrockers and the other is a tough looking band from the UK named Gold Blade, who has former members of The Membranes for anyone old enough to know who they are (not me). blackcatdc.com/schedule.html should give you the rest of the information you would need. See you there! P.S. Jonny, I know you are a bit off the map for this one, but if there is any way you could put a blurb on your site for derelicts in DC/MD/VA/ and beyond to check it out, I would be extremely grateful. Thanks

Oh, you are so linked. Todd's bank is Deep Six. I'll be puttin' up an Mp3 of theirs next week for ya'll to check out. Very cool stuff. Trust me on that one And, check the pic of our very own Tall Todd carvin' it up out there in the woods. You go, boy. Check out his tallness in the pic on this page. Man, he sure is tall.

Some say, even taller than me. Yep. Is pravda.

From: Troy Subject: drunk wedding Hey Big J, Dara and I saw you out road riding on 180 today, and you were not close enough to try and run over - I figured it would be good fuel for your motorist bashing web site!!!!!! HA!

And to think he's getting married this weekend. I've heard of guys trying to sneak one more in with a stripper at the bachelor party and shit like that. But, nailing one more cyclist with your car?

Damn.

Monday, October 6, 2003

isabella   I   nikki nova   I   ashley

A few days in the tank already, but I forgot to mention it on Saturday. So sue me. Pegasus cans a whole bunch of folks over at Cannondale. I guess you got to start cutting big salaries with those that get the big salaries. And right before the trade show. I can't day whether it's good or bad, only time will tell that one.

Let's just hope it works out for all those involved.

From: CC Subject: beer N@t For four years running, Greg and Tim, these two dudes from the Madison, WI area, have come up to the Dirt Rag booth at the Chequamegon race and dropped off a cooler full of beer. Just 'cause they like us. Not just any cooler, but always a customized cooler, this year's had grip tape wrapped handles and custom rasta paint. I mean, they give us beer AND a cooler. Man, that just rocks. Feel the love.

Now that's what I'm talking about. How many coolers you up to now?

And my man Case Flakeman is the fucking man. He runs shit, ya'll just don't know it yet. But, soon you will. Bow down.

From: case flakeman Subject: Oh Goodness, I'm at it again. For the time upon the Mount of Can, when the Lord of the Ruler of Beer laid amongst the tiny men of rife, and partook of all their sorrows, do you remember, my brother? It seems the time has come for when all I can type is for naught. But the only service I can provide and spread on the table of faith before my brethren is but a feast of the retards, for all that I may pray and hope for in this land of the divine is but a drop in the bucket of the Hell which we label "Man". And with the swilling power of thunder below and the dim, yet evident light of the Ruler of the Can, do I pronounce before Ye, oh blind companion: Fear not the woes of modern man, for I have devised a way for all creatures to see, a path for all the weak to follow. And I shall proclaim before all beings of the Heavens, Hells, and Worlds of Man, beast, and Jebus: "Drink until the sun has risen fast upon your brow, for tomorrow you will suffer. And take into your souls and guts the divine water of the Beast of Hell, for with it you will grow strong and also benevolent, like the love of the father who spoketh." Boy, Jonny, I sure love to share with you the knowledge bestowed upon my hairy chest from the Lord, Our Brewer. He tells me of such power and glory. And one day I am to join Him by the throne which He hath crafted for all us, the poor Jisrealites to partake in the rays of fire and suckery, for upon one eternity we all will have placed before us a fair maiden of service, upon whose head we are to place the Ashtray of Eden into which we tap the burns of a day's cigar, all the while receiving the Lips of the Messiah's whore upon the sinning cocks of us fellow and dastardly drunken mortals.

Fo sheezy. What else can I say about that? He runs it. Always has, always will.

My man Zeke sent in this link to yet another Sheldon Brown creation. This one is all about how far you can push a Karate Monkey. And, they've pushed it pretty damn far.

Two insane video clips from Tall Paul. This first one is a Quicktime deal, and it wouldn't stream for shit when I tried. Just download it and play it at your leisure. And it's all about ride the lightning. Yeah baby. And, you can even see some of the infamous Tour jump. Fucking nuts.

The second vid is a wmv, and it streamed for me. Still, you may want to save this so you can watch these dudes totally eat shit. And mean, eat shit and die. Jesus. I'm pretty sure some of these guys went straight to the hospital in this one. Get at it by clicking here, and fuck me, this is some full on Tron type motorcycle wackiness. These guys all want to die young. And soon.

I've got nothing in my head but pain, kiddies. I'm going with more on the email front. Sometimes, I think that's all I have.

From: Mike Subject: Bingo I think Herbert hit it exactly right. I've been mulling over Arnold's issues and the steroid product himself for the last few days. When I read Herbert, I thought, he hit it perfectly, that is exactly the essence. I would rather have undiluted beer, but I live in Utah. Can you FedEx some real up? I don't like undiluted Arnold. nytimes.com/2003/10/06/opinion/06HERB.html

Beer. What a novel idea.

Sunday, October 5, 2003

oh my   I   lesbians rule   I   I'm going to hell

And the Eagles bring home the bacon today against the Redskins. Thanks fucking God. We are now .500, and still sitting squarely at the bottom of the division. We got 'em right where we want them.

I'll take it any way I can get it.

From: Hurl Subject: RE: InterDown DoubleBike yer' goddamn right. yip! I'm axshly flying to SFO on Monday to drive the Bianchi show bikes and dirt demo bikes to vegas with Geno Overfiller and the Mayor of Drunkingham. I'm certain I'll be in pain long afore the nevada border. Say, dja hear about that Roy fella, of Sigfried and Roy, getting mauled by one of his own white tigers last night? It's sure to be a somber show this year....

Read all about tiger maulings and such over here. God damn, that must have sucked. Not that I wish that hell on anyone, but seeing that limpwristed freak beating on the side of "the animal in the head with a microphone, the sound reverberating throughout the auditorium." And, we're talking about a huge fucking tiger. Well. That would really be something wouldn't it?

From: James Subject: Dittoman and Rush Oi Johnny, I'm afraid Dittoman is wrong about Rush starting off poor. About a week and a half ago the Biography channel re-ran a show about Mr. Limbaugh, and his beginnings were anything but humble. His father was a doctor or an attorney or something, and they were all pissed of at their fat fuck of a son for not following daddy's footsteps. Plus, every time that dumbass was shit-canned, which was often, fatboy would run straight home to daddy's nice big house in Missouri. The funniest thing about the show was when they re-broadcast bits from his pre-talk radio DJ phase. Horrible, greasy top-forty am crap. I don't think that ass-wipe has ever been good at anything other than pissing me off. Also, the only way Rush's sorry ass could drop anyone would be if he were trying to carry them out of a burning building.

And this next one is strange.

From: Sank Subject: EPO for everyone Is it strange to have the makers of EPO supporting a cyclocross race series? Amgen is the primary sponsor of the North LA Rocket Parts series. It can be found at rocketparts.com. I for one still want to race it, but is is kind of strange.

Here's a link to the cross series and here is a link about Amgen, J & J, EPO and NESP. You should know about all of this. It's what your heroes use.

Saturday, October 4, 2003

amber easton   I   mary carey   I   kystal steal

It's official. Jan Ulrich to ride for T-mobile, Telekom, what ever you want to call em, again. Read all about it at cyclingnews and over at velonews and probably damn near every other cycling site on the planet.

The Fat Boy is coming Lance, do ya hear him?

From: Dirk Subject: Ken Shaddock Man, this is some seriously weird shit. Check the second page for some disturbing imagery. dallasartsrevue.com/members/S/K_Shaddock Not sure if this is your bag. Not sure if this is anyone's bag. But I guess there's only one way to find out.

That is some fucked up repugnant shit. Word up.

From: Big Tex Subject: INtergalactic single speed championships V Big Juan, How's Flagstaff holding up since I left? Do you even miss me? Check this out and come visit me offcamber.com/igssc2003guide.html

God damn that sounds like it was a good time. Good thing it already happened 'cause if'n it were this month, it woudl conflict with the shiz nizzy down in Tucson, yeah, I'm talking 'bout the mother fuckin Soul Ride.

And, no, I don't miss you at all.

Two of the more interesting letters I've received about Rush, McNabb and all that jive.

From: Dittoman Subject: my man Rush Hey guess what? You hate Rush for being rich. Well guess what? Rush started out poor, worked in radio for years. He ain't no overnight success. What he got, HE EARNED!!! "Fat white piece of shit"? Who's being racist now? "Don't eat all the pies"? The man has lost about the equivalent of a whole person through strict discipline. Probably only take a month of training and I bet he could drop your sorry ass. All the man said was that the media desperately wanted to see a black quarterback succeed (hard to dispute) and that he thought McNabb was overrated. (His opinion, his right to say it). All this talk from the left about right wing hate, but the only hateful language I hear keeps coming from the left. Oh well, I guess we're big enough to take it.

Right on man, I was just unloading on the fat fuck. He's just such a fucking douche bag, I can't stand it. A real schmuck.

But, if you like 'em, fine. Go for it. I'm not here to judge ya man, I'm just trying to make folks laugh.

And, believe me, it would take him more than a month just to get his sorry ass off those black market prescription drugs. Then he can start his Rocky training regime for a shot at the title. I'll be right here waiting.

Rush can say anything he wants. But, when his employer cuts him loose, it ain't about the First Amendment. If you want to go out and celebrate Hitler's birthday in a white robe and cheesy pointed hat, fine. You can. But your employer doesn't have to keep you around if it's bad for business.

Rush won't even take responsibility for his actions, claiming he's somehow being discriminated against. Doesn't that only apply to welfare moms, or something?

And the NFL knows what time it is. A couple of years ago when Arizona voted down Martin Luther King Day, the NFL said, you know what, fine, don't honor Dr. King. We'll just pull that Super Bowl we were going to have at Sun Devil Stadium in Tempe, and have it somewhere else.

The next go 'round, Martin Luther King Day passed. By a wide margin.

You don't pull the race card when it comes to the National Football League.

Money talks and bullshit walks.

From: Rich Subject: Yeah....Limbaugh spouted off. But saying that hes a racist bigot because he had the audacity to say your QB is overrated becuase of his color is such crap its not even funny. Your QB IS overrated. And its becuase of his color. Just like Jason Sehorn was WAY overrated becuase hes WHITE. What's the difference??? NONE!!!! And since you love everything LEFT wing..lemme ask you this....how DARE you, and the rest of you elitist left-wing intolerant whackos beg and plead and DEMAND that the principles of affirmative action be applied in our society, but then get all in a hissy when someone DARES say that a black man benefited from that very principle???? If you ask for ice cream, do you get mad when someone tells you "Gee...you must like ice cream""???. GOD...talk about doublespeak!!!! QBs have been judged for their APPEARANCE since, oh, THE FUCKING FIFTIES!!!! So spare us the left-wing righteous indignation. Rush was RIGHT ON. Heres a little light reading for you....your QB is a black Brad Johnson who scored a $100 Million contract. Id call that pretty fucking overrated! slate.msn.com/id/2089193/

I was calling Limbaugh a racist fuck pig not only because of what he said about McNabb being overrated as a quarter back, but because of things he's done in the past as well. This quote is from one of the links I posted, and like my man Mike said, this just isn't nice.

"As a radio talk show host, Limbaugh once said he felt guilty about telling an African American caller to "take that bone out of your nose and call me back." He still uses the mock dialect "ax" instead of "ask" when discussing black leaders on his syndicated radio show and often plays the theme song "Movin' On Up" from "The Jeffersons" when referring to Carol Moseley Braun, the African American former senator from Illinois who is running for the Democratic presidential nomination."

You can find it on washingtonpost.com.

Also, I have caught his act, so to speak, before, and he's a total fucking schmuck. My money says he burns for his drug problem.

I read that article on Slate this morning, and had decided not to link it. I didn't see much anything new in the argument, really. So, McNabb may be an overrated Quarter Back. So what? That doesn't mean what Limbaugh said wasn't taken as offensive by McNabb, the NFL and it's players. I don't think Limbaugh had any place saying something so completely stupid. He should have be fired for that ridiculousness.

About McNabb, he is fucking overrated as far as I'm concerned. We're at the bottom of the NFC East for cryin' out loud. I'm a Philly sports fan, and we're the meanest sons a bitches on the block. We cheer when careers end in our stadium. We boo our own team when they fuck up. We love the Eagles, but it's a tough love. We only care about winning.

If Limbaugh walked into the 400 section in Philly this Sunday, they would fucking kill him and bury his big ass in South Jersey. It's a good thing they don't play at home again till the 26th.

I'm not all that stoked on McNabb's new big contract. Fucking trade him for all I care. Put in that fruitcake Koy Detmer, so he can practice his little bitch slap dance when he converts on third and long, scores touchdowns and just generally does his fucking job. I don't give a shit who the Eagles QB is, I want fucking victories. Wins. Post season play. And, dare I say it, another Super Bowl appearance in my lifetime.

I was ten when Plunket led the Raiders over my Eagles in Super Bowl XV. That was way back in 1981, and they haven't made it back since.

Dog, I'm hungry.

About Affirmative Action. I've never supported it. I don't think making an issue of color, or sex, or religion, or whatever, is going to help anything, anytime, anywhere. You can't very well be looking at, say, two candidates for a job and be looking at only their performance potential and not their race, if you are required to give benefit, or any preferential treatment, based on race. It just doesn't make any sense to me at all.

I haven't gone back and checked, but I don't believe I've ever written anything on the site supporting Affirmative Action. If it's there, show it to me and I'll fucking address it. As in, I'll go back and delete it. It would be a mistake if I had done it.

I'm down with equality. Equal work, equal pay, equal responsibilities. That sort of thing.

This goes under the "oh dear lord" category.

From: Goldmember Subject: Nice pic o' the gnome I enjoyed the "beefcake"shot of your little buddy in all his "international male/cycles Nashbar glory". I'm just wondering if this picture was taken on one of your so called "breakfast rides" out to the Belmont truck stop. I've heard about a jacuzzi room that exists out there that's known among "lonely any orifice in a bout of lonliness" truckers as the kettle of man chowder. So it seems you guys have been savoring more out there than just the french trio!

Friday, October 3, 2003

holli   I   damn diggity   I   mason marconi

As I was laying in bed last night, just at the point of falling asleep, I heard the gnome outside my bedroom door. "I don't know how I'm going to do it. But, I'm going to kill you."

Yeah, great nights sleep. Funny how it's hard to use a loaded handgun for a pillow and not wake up with a kink in your neck, isn't it?

From: James Subject: Bubb Rubb Hey man, our group here in Dallas has been touting the Bubb Rubb wonderment for a while now. Often you can hear the Wooo Woooo coming from the trees. Here are some of the pics I did up for our amusement........ woo ride 1 woo ride 2 woo ride 3

And wonderment it is. Thanks for the pics link, that shit is the fucking bomb.

My man Wease sends in this kick ass video link. He says, "There is no technical nudity in this video, but its so damn close who cares."

I've got to agree with him. I've watched it twice now and all I feel like doing is buying power equipment and getting table dances. Fine marketing technique in that one.

A few days old, but bad news what ever way you look at it. What is with this Karl Rove character anyway?

Brinky chimes in on Rush "fat back" Limbaugh.

From: Brinky Subject: Rush Jonny, Rush is quite the character and you know I side w/ you especially when he attacks our quarterback. However, is he even worth a response let alone a 4 paragraph diatribe w/ all that hating going on? What I want to know is how/why did ESPN let him on there in the 1st place. It was probably in anticipation of this type of comment which triggers this publicity. Are you heading out tonight?

Word up. Go Eagles. And, I thought I was going out tonight. Now, it's like fucking 8:00 and I'm pretty much already drooling on myself. Looks like an early one for the pretender. And, that would be me, ladies and gentlemen.

I put up a little section for upcoming events over on the message board for ya'lls enjoyment. Who knows, maybe someone will actually use it?

That's about it. I'm out.

Thursday, October 2, 2003

april   I   deanna   I   carmen

First thing out the box tonight, Rush Limbaugh has resigned from his position as a football analyst on ESPN. I'm sure he was pressured to step down, as well he should have.

I have hated that fat bigoted prick since I first heard him open his big fat mouth. I hate him for being a rich, white piece of shit. I hate him for continuing on defending his comments on Wednesday, saying, "All this has become the tempest that it is because I must have been right about something."

You're right about one thing, Rush. You are an ignorant bigot. You fat racist fuck pig. Fuck you.

Do you know I had an Aunt (as in she is no longer with us) who once told me she'd marry that Rush Limbaugh if she wasn't already married.

Oh, for fucks sake.

Well, don't let the door hit you on the ass on your way out, lunchbox. And try not to eat all the pies.

I just found out about this fine ass site today. It's all about Bubb Rubb ain't it? And in case you think getting a dvd out there with this wingnut is easy, check out the explanation on this page. Looks and sounds like fun to me. And, you could hit up the forum, but I already did it for ya. I found this little gem

With the trade show just around the corner, lots of cycling type news brewing. I'll sort through and bring out some later. Good times. Check out Hampsten cycles. Yeah, that Hampsten. Specifically, I would recommend a peak at the Giro 88 frameset. Now, that is a sharp looking ride.

From: dave Subject: OCTAL in Madison, WI It was in the mid 20's here this morning. So I presume the OCTAL level here would be uh... blue.

Good to know. I missed the campus cruze today. I think my neck needed a break from all the strain. A brother's just got to back off every now and again. It's all about recovery.

Er, something. Oh, sweet suffering Christ on a cross, take a look at what I have to live with. Two words for you gnomie; fag it.

From: The Professa in Dallas Subject: Cyclist wins suit in UK Yo fool - Props for the site, man. But damn - I swear you're gonna get us all tossed in the clink someday for posting premie pic links. I'm all for lookin at the hotties but jumpin Jesus - stick to the of-ager's will ya? The thought of that shit is disgusting. tsk-tsk. I thought I'd pass along a BBC article about this cat who got the smack-down and won a lawsuit. news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/tyne/3158588.stm But dang - I'd much rather be able to walk and talk than have $5m in my pocket. Wouldn't you? I'd much rather see the guy responsible get a sentence of having to take care of this poor sap for the rest of his life. THAT would be justice. Oh yeah - fuck Bush. onetermpresident.org rawk.

I'm hearing ya. Those chicks were a bit on the lean side of maturity. I figured you guys needed some variety.

I'll try to keep it above, say, thirteen from here on out.

The mail I get is just amazing sometimes. Want a bigger penis? How'd ya like to refinance the shack? So, I've got this poster of Musseeuw on the wall. He's more than likely involved with a little HGH use deal over there across the pond. And I get this in the mail today.

From: Ahmed Subject: Shred them Introducing Human Growth Hormone If you are interested in loosing 20+ lbs in just one month then Visit our site now! HGH (Human Growth Hormone) Has the power to do the following : -Increased muscle strength and size -Loss in body fat -Increased bone density -Lower blood pressure -Quickens wound healing -Reduces cellulite -Improved vision -Wrinkle disappearance -Increased skin thickness and texture -New hair growth and color restored -Increased energy levels and exercise endurance

My God, why wouldn't I want that wonder drug coursing though my veins? Sign me up Doc, I'm ready to get on the program.

Oh wait. There's more.

From: Matt Subject: Dear god man Keep fooling yourself people read your shit, you know you lost all respect when you resorted to expressing a sensible, logical, anti war point of view about that twat bush and his little crusade. Should of kept your mouth shut and head down like most americans. Try to ignore the fact he's a stupid, illiterate bastard that has our prime ministers feet hanging out his arse. If you have to say anything, for the love of god let it be "I love Bush". Do it while holding an american flag and whipping a Muslim and you may yet escape the wrath of bush, avoid being branded a terrorist, and be able to follow him into hell as one of his loyal minions. Keep on rocking, stick with the politics.

Wednesday, October 1, 2003

stupid hot   I   missie   I   in the vip

October one. First day back on the bike. Big Jacksass Justin told me I should include things about my training on the site. I think he just wants to hear how bad I am to make himself look and feel better. Bastard.

So, in an act of good faith, not like you care, here are today's statistics: Weight 195. Rode for one hour on fixed gear. Felt like hell.

There you have it folks, watch for me in the Tour.

The OCTAL (On Campus Tanktop Alert Level) was reported to still be RED today. From my own personnel experience, staying upright on the bike was difficult to say the least.

Oh dear God, it's just too much to handle. Paul Mercurio, the man who "used his cell phone to narrate over the air as Brian Florence and Loretta Harper had sex in a side entrance vestibule of the church to win a prize" has died. Is there no justice in this world?

And how embarrassing to be challenging the legitimacy of a Do Not Call list in the courts, working for a telemarketer and then be on the damn list yourself? More here.

I've got a new one up in the rant section, pretty much 'cause I just can't think of anywhere else to put it. It's a race report from this crazy thing called RAID. Fucking nuts. San Francisco to Portland. Yeah, you heard right. Read all about Corey's good time here.

There is a fun little shindig coming into town in about another week. Oh yes, I'm talking about the Tour de Fat. Skinny people welcome too. Just expect to be shunned. A lot.

The winds are already blowing rumors of good time to be had.

From: Response Subject: RE: flag fat tire fest? Ahem, I didn't think singles broke. aren't you posed' ta be some kinda bike fixer fag? I am thinking about stealing one of the fucked up thieving neighbor kids lowrider bikes and thrashing it on the "ghostriding for distance and accuracy" contest. Then, once I have fine tuned it with a hammer, I will wipe it clean of prints and put it back in their garage. Oh, they'll know its me cause I already told em I would bitch slap the sound out of their names if they got near my bikes again. Oh yeah Evil Mateo will be there on his chinese schwinn beach cruiser. Look for the guy riding a green single 29 with a .45 on his hip. I'll buy you a beer and share my pills.......

I am afraid. So very afraid.

Fuck it. I'm going down in fucking flames. Big time. And, get this, I'm heading up to Vegas Sunday for Interdyke. Why? Because the liver is evil and it must be punished.

I have it on good authority that "this is the fucking business." Of course, around here good authority means some guy I don't know and have never met in my life sent me an email. Sounds good to me, and I'd go do more shit like that if I had any fucking money.

Fuck it. I kinda like being poor. At least then you know who your friends are.

From: Scorekeeper Scott Subject: putting the freak back in fries I found a few links for you that you might find a little interesting. salon.com/news motherjones.com/news motherjones.com/commentary How do you feel about the Gnome relocation project? First he moves into your old apartment, now he moves to Flag, WTF next? You two getting married? You'd never make the honeymoon, you both would get stuck in some dive bar that had internet connections and spend the next month making sure your web sites were updated more frequently than the other guy's. If I can ever swing the trip up to Flag, I'll stop by with a load of fresh and tasty brews.

Hey, you hear that one Gnome? Ah, he's to busy trying to update his site more than mine.

This just in from across the pond. Ouch. That hurt.

From: Weasel Subject: RE: Thanks for the link Hey just a thought, why is it that any porn with bikes always has such shitty bikes? Maybe I am not focusing intensely enough on the breasts or pussy, but I can't help it, I just keep seeing the shitty bikes and it ruins the whole thing for me. Wat up wit dat? Fuck, I will lend my bike to a photoshoot, just so I can see a decent ride in there with the trim.

Wease, you've found your true calling. Go get yourself a digital camera and a couple of grand in start up money. Put an add in the paper for bikini models, adult models, fucking bake sale, I don't care, and get them chicks naked and draped all over your bikes.

Borrow bikes from friends, borrow money from friends, borrow friends. I don't care how you make it happen. Just fucking make it happen.

Sounds easy enough, eh?