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doreo hosting

 
Wednesday, April 30, 2003
chloe   I   nikki nova   I   natasha nicholas

I'm writing this from a converted attic room in Silver City, New Mexico. How about that shit? It is a bedroom up here now, complete with a door leading to a ladder leading to the lawn. That's how me and the cat get in and out of here. We're pals now, the Cat and I. Having that bastard crawl all over you at night will do that. It's either make friends or kill it. And since I want to stay here for a couple of days, I had better learn to coexist.

I am such a nice guy.

Today was the opening time trail at the Tour of the Gila. I'm out here helping to support the Grand Canyon Racing team. Same guys I was with last weekend in Bisbee. But, now it's just one rider instead of five. Makes my life pretty damn easy. Two bikes to look after, and they came totally dialed in to the point I don't imagine I'll have to anything to them besides put them in the truck and then back out again a few times.

And one rider to feed. How easy is that? Well, now I got two more, making it three. We drove out here to Silver City last night from Tucson, two east coast girls. Michelle is from Pennsylvania and Sheeba is from DC. They're both cat ones and will be coming through the same feedzones, so, I get to hand them bottles too.

I figure, fuck it, the more the merrier. Gives me something to look forward to rather than just studying during all my free time. I'm pretty fucking sick of studying, I can tell you that much.

About the drive between Silver City, New Mexico and Tucson, Arizona: There is a whole lotta nothing between the two. Nothing. Nada. Zilch. Lordsburgh.

Drove Wolfs damn big Ford pickup. What is it with these guys and huge vehicles made by the Ford motor company? Must own stock in that shit or something.

Saw my man Gerald. We used to work back at the Salt Mine together a bit back. Good old Domenic's. Yes, I was the best of times, it was the worst of times. You showed up, and they paid you. I kinda miss getting paid. Maybe working ain't all that bad?

I had better hope so. I'm done with this semester in a few weeks, then it's worky time for the fat man. I'll be a working fool. More money means more drinking. Oh yeah, it's like that.

Saw Snake and Justin. They're on the Trek Regional Allstars team. Well, whoopie for them. I can't wait to see what condition those two are in after working themselves into the ground for Miller in about two more days. Ho ho, they are so gonna die.

And I for one, can't fucking wait to see it happen. Bastards. Always dropping my fat ass are ya? Well, try this on for size, buddy. I hope you like climbing in the wind all day long.

This whole fucking town shuts down between 5 and 6 pm. Restaurants, coffee shops, even the local food co-op. What is with these people? Don't they know I'm hungry?

Doesn't anybody care?

The results weren't posted at 8:00 tonight, so I'll have to wait until tomorrow to find out what happened in the pro's and women's field. But I can tell you my man Paul Wolfe just won today. He's the friggin leader in the masters category as of right now.

He's just sawing logs like a motherfucker in the next room right now. Which is pretty much what I should be doing. God knows when I can get online and post this. So, fuck it, and good night.


Monday, April 28, 2003
briana   I   jade   I   monika

Here's how my weekend panned out.

Driving down to Bisbee with the Wolfe. A long time ago, Snake told me just do whatever Wolfe says. With that in mind, I show up 15 minutes early and I pack light. This ain't no listen to phish, haki sak, sit around the park all day hippie dippy bullshit, this is the big time. This is the Vuelta de Bisbee.

The host housing is passable. More than that even, it's perfect. Sure, you can daylight streaming in through the wall and there is no electricity. But what do I care? You could do a lot worse, and I have.

Uphill prologue. Looks like fun. Not. You can read all about it at cyclingnews. I'm not here to compete with the likes of them for coverage. I'm here to drink beer and sit in the sun. Well, not really, but it sounds cool doesn't it? I'm really here to pump up tires and hand out water bottles and oil chains and carry bags and armwarmers and drive. It's very glamorous.

I'm sitting in a lawn chair almost half way up the three mile climb for tonights prolouge action. It's a good spot for sitting and I get to see everyone throttling themselves. Very cool.

Day two, Saturday. I wake up in the lawn. All the boys are pretty excited about it, think I'm some kind of hero. Tex said he was about to get his camera. Hell, I'm in a sleeping bag. I still had some control over myself when I got home.

Some. A little.

Spent most of my night in the Grand, a real kick ass bar downtown. Super fun good times. Hung out with DT and knocked back a few cold ones. Got to hear him dust off some of his best material and just kill it. The guy is funny as hell usually, so try and imagine him once he gets up a head of steam.

I'm out at a feed zone in the middle of fucking nowhere. God, this sucks it. I had to drive out in Loveday's big ass white Ford Expedition. I feel like a soccer mom in this thing.

I'm supporting terrorists.

Whatever. I'm over it. I'm hanging out with Tracy and Clayton who are out here supporting the Landis squadron. Good times. Clayton was one of the poor bastards who got wrecked back at the Tucson Bicycle Classic. Now that was a sad, sad day for cyclists everywhere.

He's a hard man. He's got a big ass brace on his knee from his fractured patella. And he's up and about. I got to see some of the wacky scars from the tubes the went into his chest. The stories of what it was like to have his lungs fill with fluid while he remained conscious was pretty sick. And when I say fluid, I mean blood. Suck shit indeed. He tells me the morphine makes his skin itch as he drags his nails across his forearms in the bright, southern Arizona sunlight. I tell him all this is starting to sound like some kind of freaky Burroughs novel.

Cold kickin' it in the feed zone. Fun in the sun baby, yeah.

The boys come by and fast at that. No one wants anything, not even a bottle, as this is an 80 miles day or so. At this pace they'll be done in three hours easy. They are flying. I heard from Tex later that his average speed was 26.5 for the day.

One the way back into town, I'm driving back behind the race. This is a true rolling closure. No one gets to pass the peleton. No one. Ever.

It's how it should be really. The oncoming lane is pretty well managed as well. The lead cars force oncoming cars into the gutter and then everyone rolls by on a nice, wide, safe road. Great work out there, guys. I wish every race could be like this. Nice and safe.

I can see the backs of the riders spread out before me covering all of one lane and most of a healthy median to the side. There is a rather large line of car behind me. So long, in fact, that I can only see all of it when I roll over a slight rise and get the help of a little elevation. I hope none of guys and girls back there have to get somewhere soon, 'cause you ain't going nowhere for awhile.

Coldplay on the radio and the hill is starting. We're not into the meat of it yet, but it's getting serious. I can see the Landis boys at the front, where they pretty much have to be with Miller in the leaders jersey. The big climb is coming, more of a long drag out really, and it will hurt a lot of people. The pack is nervous and apprehensive. Some want to win, some want to conserve, and some pray to God that they can hang on.

Only one man will win, and a whole lot of dreams are about to get crumpled up in a little ball and tossed right out the window. This is racing. This is go time.

We pass the six miles to town sign, and it's getting a bit harder up there. I can still count four Landis jerseys at the front. I'm glad to know one of them is Snake and another is undoubtedly that Jackass Justin. I hope it hurts for all the time you pricks have dropped me this year. I hope it hurts real good. They're keeping it together, but I sense a good bit of this pack is like a coiled spring, just itching to get tripped. It's going to go bananas and soon.

I am driving a fucking tank of a car. This thing is like a van - dumptruck combo. I think I could sit a family of six and they're furniture. Jesus Christ, who buys these things?

There is a lull in the climb, but only for a moment. I can see a orange jersey jump from the bunch. He's got a small gap, and someone else comes up to him at around the 5k sign. I can't see how in the world they're going to hold this through the upcoming drag race back into town, but good luck boys.

The groups is swollen across the road again, they are slowing, or at least marking each other. Whoever the guy is up the road, he must not have had a good prologue of they'd never let him go.

That is what I though at the time anyway. Turns out our Mr. Orange is Ron Hudson, a Sportsbook.com rider, who is .29 seconds back after an eighth place in the prologue. Show's what I know, eh?

We pass a city limit sign. No sprint. A rider flats, then another. Quick wheel changes and they chase. But they are not catching back on. Not today. No way.

More rider come off the back in two's and three's as I round the bend by the pit mine that made this town. I can see up the road a good bit as it swings around to my left. They are flying now, lined out forever. The screw has been turned. I can't see Mr. Orange Jersey anymore, did they catch him?

It's a half mile out, no more, and hey, it that Justin? Oh, is the jackass himself a spend cartridge rolling aback toward me? Oh my, I see another Landis jersey, and another. Two more. Four of them off, at least. They killed themselves as long as they could.

Snake is staring at the ground as I drive past him. Oh, this is a great moment. Usually it is I that looks like that. But, today I'm in a car! Take that!

They group disappears from sight, and it's a big group at that. This will be a day for someone like Gord Fraser. If they caught Hudson that is.

Our poor Mr. Orange, and whoever was with him, fail to properly negotiate the roundabout coming into town. And that was the end of their glorious attack. I heard they were just a few seconds up the road at that point, and with teams like Heath Net and those two brutes from Saturn turning the screw, they would have been swept up before the line anyway. But, still sad to see 'em go out like that.

Fraser takes it at the line and Miller retains the overall lead.

Now I get to go set up the tt bikes. This ought to be a good one.

All the results for the time trail are up in major league detail over at cyclingnews. Again, I won't even try.

The third and final day was a good one with two Arizona boys sitting in second place and well within striking distance. Dru Miller was 35 seconds back in the A category and my man Doug Loveday 1:11 back in the B's.

I went out to the feed again. And again, no one wanted a damn thing. I did get some sun, and got to drive around in Tombstone and the surrounding metropolitan area. In a word, thriving. That place is on the way up. Sky's the limit.

Anyway, I see that Grand Canyon Racing got a guy off the front with two totally huge dudes. One of them looks to be Troy Love, who played linebacker for Nebraska. He's a brick fucking house, that guy. The other guy is just as big.

At the sprint bonus in Tombstone, Denny Vaughan get off with a couple of guys. They work up the road a bit. At some point, Denny decides to go at it alone and almost does just that. He had a lead of two and a half minutes, then it came tumbling down.

Doug Loveday came away on the climb up Mule Pass and got right up along side the lone leader. Vaughan was able to take it at the line for the stage. Loveday finished a good two minutes in front of Eric Sternlicht and so takes the overall lead.

The A's race stayed together to the bottom of the climb as far as I know. I don't think anyone got away all day. I know my boys were worked when it was over. They killed themselves to deliver Miller to the bottom of the climb.

Mike Sayers, Gord Fraser, Viktor Rapinski and Dru Miller all light it on the climb up Mule Pass. Then they bomb all the way back down past town and climb up the same bitch of hill from the other side. Todd Wells figured in it as well, you can't forget Wells. I love that guy. Not in a gay way, more like a Viking. With horns and shit.

Dru Miller was able to put 20 second into the remnants of a four man group in the last mile of the finishing climb. He really throttled it. Left the big boys wandering around stuttering. He won the race in the last half a mile by just riding everyone off his wheel. It was great to see.

Good times, my friends, good times. It's pretty cool seeing those guys win. And it's really cool when you working for Grand Canyon Racing like I was. Let's just say everyone was pretty damn stoked.

That's it for now, I'm off to the Tour of the Gila for more sitting around and washing bikes and shit like that. I'll see ya'll later.

And yeah, that's Snake on cyclingnews.com. Right behind everyone's favorite former hockey player big tank Brian. I'd say they were laying it down pretty damn hard coming back in from Tombstone. That's the town too tough to die, they say.


Sunday, April 27, 2003
aria   I   nikki   I   jenna

I fucking really hate computers sometimes. I wrote an update out for Friday, it didn't post and now it's just gone. Gone. No where. No longer exists.

What the fuck is up with that shit?

What the fuck do I have to do to make this fucking machine do what's it's supposed to, personally go and suck Bill Gate's dick? Is that what it's going to take?

After a weekend down in Bisbee hanging out at the races I have no idea what so ever what I had for Friday. I couldn't replicate that post if you paid me a million dollars.

So, in honor of the drunkcyclist lost episodes, I'll try really hard to be funny tonight. Not so much funny ha-ha as funny oh-no, if you know what I'm saying.

Of course, I've got email out the ass. Of course, I've got homework calling my name. Of course, I've got no food up in this piece. Of course, I'm dead tired. So, I might as well just start tying and see what happens.

Oh Bisbee, how I love thee.

  From: Mike
Subject: holy fuk
Tyler wins Liege Bastogne Liege

holy fukkin shit!

Yeah, holy fucking shit. Especially 'cause now me and Snake each owe Tex a dollar. I took Casagrande and Snake picked Armstrong. Tex wanted Hamilton and I thought he was out of his God damn mind. I think I even told him that.

I'm glad I made fun of him. It is really going to make paying him his winnings that much easier. Fucking God Damnit.

And the Sixers lost this weekend. Big. Great.


Thursday, April 24, 2003
veronica   I   anna   I   ashley robbins

I girl named Lisa gave me this link. I'm pretty much scared of her now. Hell, I was fucking scared of her before.

Florida pride. They do more that just rig elections it seems.

  From: Hank
Subject: We did it!!!!
We finally did it!! Broward county Florida holds the prestigious title of most pedestrian fatalities. WOO-HOO!!!!!!!!! 37% of victims had alcohol in their system!!!!! Those hills and mountains ain't shit compared to dodgin' a doped up geezer tryin' to run you down on the flats. Hangin' chads, Killer Codgers, I love this town.

Yep, what's not to love, eh?

Stanley calls this food for thought.

  From: Damian
Subject: Rear hubs.
Just wanted to drop you a note and say great site. Beer, Babes and Bikes. Brilliant
I'm going over to Asia on the treadly in a weeks time, sorta like the Cars r Coffins guys, but I'm using 26 more gears than them. When I get back though I need a new bike.
One question. What's better Phill Wood hubs and being sober OR Surly Hubs and Beer?

Thank, my friend, is an interesting question. Up the bucks for Phil's offering and your burning through beer money like wildfire. Go with the Surly, and you'll have plenty left over for rivers of lager and probably a couple of hookers. Tough choice.

The Phil wood hub is a thing of beauty. Just a jewel of a hub, absolutely without flaw. The Surly hub is a big drunken brute what won't let you down. Ever

Personally, I went with the Paul's Components hub and maintaining a nice level, constant buzz. Don't be me. I suck.

I don't know where this leaves ya, and I don't think I offered much in the way of good advice. I think any way you go, you're gonna be fine.

  From: Alijosa
Subject: the idiot son of an asshole
hi big jonny,
i´m skinny legged downhill dudes, but it´s nevertheless a daily pleasure for me to check out your site. i found something on the www that might be quite suitable for your drunk cyclist site. check out
http://www.ericblumrich.com/idiot.html
and by the way: today is in germany "the day of german beer". so i´m off the get a fair share of it,

The Day of German Beer? And I missed it? Shit fuck damn crap, I miss all the fun.


Wednesday, April 23, 2003
nikki nova   I   kyla cole   I   erica campbell

Jack says, "tell your network the bar is open!" Wonder what he's talking about? Well, just click here.

Ullrich wins in impressive style. Thank God.

Check out the spacious report. It's banging. There you will see such all time favorites as top 10 ways to support our troops, an apology to the President from Natalie of the Dixie Chicks, and, last but definitely not least, the Iraqi Information Minister's last press release.

You guys read about the trail closure out in New Mexico? Yeah, we're dangerous fucks, us mountainbikers.

  From: bonnie
Subject: homeland security shutting down trails in ABQ
Hey Jonny,
I'm not sure if this link will go through, but the story is about the US military fencing off about 20 miles of mountain biking trail just outside of Albuquerque NM, in the name of homeland security. The best part, which isn't in the story is the rumor that they will be leaving holes in the fence to allow animals to pass through. Brilliant. Meanwhile, any terrorist who wish to mountain bike their way up to the top of the mountain to blow up Albuquerque will be thwarted. Damn.

And the link did in fact, come through. Will wonders ever cease? Visit save otero to read all about it and maybe even lend a helping hand. Stop the madness.

Good job out there in New Mexico, guys. Sleep tight knowing you protect American. From what I don't know.

Today's ride was a lesson in recovery. As in, I am not recovered. That damn Squealer. Too much riding, too much drinking, too much fun. Pics up at topofusion. This one would be the big man in the pain cave.

I had never seen the topofusion before, and I must tell you that boy in on to something big. Pretty cool ideas about manageing GPS tracks. Cool map of the 24 Hours in the Old Pueblo course.

That race rules. I wish it was coming up again in a month instead of the better part of a year. Well, I guess there is always the Soul Ride to look forward to.

  From: Paul
Subject: Flyers/Sixers
Bigjon:
Well the Flyers did it last night w/o even giving me a heart attack. Just a few more hours until the Sixers tip-off and hopefully they will pull off another victory. Have you heard about the urban legend going around back there about how our teams may be cursed ? It goes like this... ever since they allowed buildings to be constructed taller than the top of Billy Penn's hat on city hall (approx mid 80's I believe) no team has won an overall championship. If such is the case, I think someone should proceed to knock down every structure over Billy's hat. Later.

Oh, the Sixers will win tonight. Oh yes they will.

As far as the curse, I agree. If neither the Sixers or the Flyers go all the way this year we must cut everything down to, I dunno, maybe ten feet under Big Billy Penn's hat. That ought to do it.

I mean, Big Billy somehow swindled all of Pennsylvania by trading the savages a couple of iron ax heads and a mason jar full of glass baubles. The guy is a hero.

And who doesn't want to shoot turkeys? Well, maybe I don't really do much beside eat the son of a bitches, but this sure is entertaining reading.

  From: Paddy
Subject: TURKEY HUNTING IN A CAN (A First Timer's Tragedy)
It starts by having a friend who has also never hunted turkeys before initializing the idea. This way, you are both equally clue less, full of ambition, and full of delusions of success.

Next, we obtained a turkey hunting video to get some idea of what we could expect. Turn down the volume so you don’t have to suffer through the Deliverance soundtrack and constant hillbilly giggling.

After that it was a trip to Wal-Mart to obtain all the hunting gear the hillbillies were using in the video. Have you been to a Wal-Mart before? Upon entering this landmark of culture I was immediately greeted and "Welcomed to Wal-Mart" by Dennis Hopper’s twin brother who had just escaped from the local retirement home. The isles were crawling with the entire cast from the Wizard of Oz (trailer trash edition) on a sugar buzz that would make the Diabetes foundation claim the site a national disaster. After obtaining all the calls, camo and other goodies, I went to the hunting and fishing licensing counter to get my turkey tags. While filling out the info, the lady at the counter said to me "How can you kill those poor things?" Has Wal-Mart ever thought about profiling personnel for certain job descriptions?

Then it was a trip to the gun range to pattern the new turkey ammo and choke. After practically shaking the patterning board’s posts loose and rattling the windows to the clubhouse, the range manager decided to come out and have a word with me. "Uh… No sir, I believe this ammo does not fit under the 3dram, 1-1/8oz, 7-1/2 shot limitations for club grounds."

Off to go hunting! The setting was perfect. 500 acres of private land next to the river. Turkeys had been spotted by neighbors the week before and the weather was good. Upon arriving at our destination after 6 hours of driving, we started scouting and saw some of the large feathered beasts a few hundred yards away. "Hey, give that mouth call thingy a shot."

"ERHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEHHHT!!!"

Every living creature within a 1 mile radius was now exiting the area as if a chemical weapons attack siren had sounded and now my tongue felt like it had been dragged across a cheese grater. Guess we should have turned the volume up on the hillbilly turkey hunting video during the calling segments. After spending countless hours sitting around thinking about Rambo and Burt Reynolds movies while every ant in the county crawled over me, we decided to try the "run and gun" approach that others had spoken about. Well, given the thick low cover we were hunting in, it turned out to be more like upland hunting for pterodactyls. The real difference being that without a dog, and given the size of these creatures, there was no thrill in the flush. Only sheer terror as two hens took flight about 10 yards from where I was busting through the brush. After thinking about the possibility of hitting a Tom Turkey directly in head while in flight with an XF choke tube, I decided this was not a good idea even if the possibility presented itself. And so, we departed this wonderful place and headed back to the wetside to shoot some sporting clays.

My only trophy is the Hen decoy that now sits in front of my house. The girlfriend really likes it and has named her "Hilda".


Tuesday, April 22, 2003
jessie   I   kiki daire   I   kylie wyld

Where was Barry Mauer and his thoughts on speaking freely in a time of war when I kept getting letters about "support the troops" and "get the hell outta my country you liberal piece of shit"?

Damn! What's up, lunchbox?

Ah, to be trapped in a poison fog.

And how 'bout them Flyers?

  From: Josh
Subject: score!
Hey Jonny,
Watsup big man? I have a happy little bit of news for you. My SS team riders took 1-2-3 at the Napa Valley Dirt Classic! A full fucking podium of Jerichos. I never thought in a kajillion years we'd get that. I mean, I have always hoped for something like that, but WOW! And this, just a week after the same guys got 1st and 3rd in the Pro/EX SS at Sea Otter. Man, what a great start to the season.
I hope all's well in Turkeyson.

Ah hell, life in Turkeyson is great. Seems like it's pretty damn good in your neck of the woods as well. You have some fucking tough guys on your single speed team. Damn.

Good work fellas. I wonder when MBA or Bicycling will want to interview the man bringing back competitive steel bikes? Lets hope its something a bit more palatable like Velonews or Dirt Rag that phones ya up.

The Squealer results are up over at flight of the pigs. There are pics even. Go check out Dru in his finest pimp wear. I wanted to ass bang him so bad. See that shit way out behind him? Yeah, that is where the rich folk build their houses. We were way the fuck up in the hills.

Ahem, bunnies are hot.

And fuck you Snake, I didn't come in 120th.

  From: Trevor
Subject: Squealer
Hey Big Jonny.
Trevor here. I'm the bald dude on the white Surly that trailed you for a while on the early part of the trail.

Just got back to SoCal a little while ago after sitting through a clusterfuck of a traffic-jam on the 10W, that had us home about two hours later than expected. Saw the race report on the site and had to laugh at the mention of the Stuart O'Grady dude hitting you in the chest. That's Jake, a local sport class sandbag...err racer. He's the friend of the friend that dragged my ass out there to ride and drink (mostly drink) with all you sick fucks. His gf mentioned something when we got up the next day about him starting to hit people and thinking he was gonna end up starting a brawl. I must've missed that part. I think she dragged us all outta there soon after that.

There's certainly no shortage of singlespeeding nutballs out there in Phoenix, but then you know this. My kinda people, though I'm not sure if I can quite hang, either ridin' or drinkin'. When I started pushing not 1 minute after the start I *knew* I was in for some pain. Then this dude on beat-up Kona blows by me like it's nothing. Saw the guy at the end of the race and hadda ask, "Were you running 2:1?" I felt a little bit better when he replied "Oh, god no." Think he said he was running something like 32:18, of course then he brought me right back down a notch or three when I asked him how much of the downhill he managed to ride, something like "almost all of it", full-fuckin'-rigid no less. I was full-rigid and was walkin' half that shit, and flying nearly out of control down the nasty technical parts I didn't walk. It hadda be pure luck that I didn't walk away with the "most bloody" award. As it was, I survived with no flats, and no major crashes, but my egg did get cracked. My bike didn't fare so well. It suffered several bruises from riding around on a trunk rack banging against another bike for 300 miles, then it got launched into the street when Jake took a speedbump too fast leading to the trailhead, and finally it got a nasty gouge in the paint on the top-tube from the bike pile outside The Stables. But what the hell, it's only a singlespeed right? I'll get some scratch in the mail here in a day or two for some stickers to cover that shit up. Or if you're interested in working a trade I can burn a cd of all the shots I took at The Stables, there're at least a few good ones in the bunch. Including a few of the bar owner's kid cruising around on my Surly.

Right on Trevor, it was damn good meeting you guys. That was one hell of a weekend. One I'm still recovering from.

I'd like to thank Jake for the bruises on my chest. That was fucking great. I've got some damage to my arm as well. But, I paid the Gnome back for that one. He's got some serious ugliness going on.

Funny thing is, I have no idea when, or why, we started whaling on each other. Sorry Jake's girlfriend got weirded out. It must have been a pretty wild scene.

Why the fuck do we always do that shit?

I'll just blame the Gnome. It's only right that I blame him, as he isn't here to defend himself.

  From: George
Subject: Right on
When I used to ride my 700 - 800 mile weeks in January getting ready to head back to Italy my diet was mostly Burritos and Beer. And remember, Beer is not just for breakfast anymore, it's the new sports drink system:

B.E.E.R.S. - Basic Energy and Electrolyte Replacement System.

It is adaptable to any diet and endorsed and consumed by nearly all professional athletes in every country. It is available almost anywhere in many different potencies.

Remember, many calories can be purchased cheaply right after Easter in the form of disgusting crap that kids eat, but on the bike, it's all just fuel! Food bar or Mars bars, it's all the same. Nothing like a dozen 3-week old cream-filled chocolate Easter eggs 75 miles into a ride. Mmmmm, almost makes me want to get fit again. I'll have to have a beer and think about that.


Monday, April 21, 2003
veronica zemanova   I   kyrstal steal   I   lesbians rule

I've always thought all this talk about renaming Squaw Peak, the mountain and the road, up in Phoenix was just plain silly. Mostly because people were pushing the name Ronald Reagan Memorial Parkway as an "improvement" over Squaw Peak Expressway. I don't know if they also wanted it to be the Ronald Reagan Memorial Mountain, but it wouldn't surprise me. I can't see Ronald Reagan anything as an improvement, but I can see how the word "squaw" is a bit much. I guess it means something along the lines of "whore". Sorta like "tonto" means "stupid". Oh, we white men are a funny bunch, ain't we?

Now this sounds like a better idea to me. All the right things for all the right reasons. Something we all can be proud of.

Who even knew we had a US beer drinking team? I thought I was the drinking team. I am so out of the loop around here it's fucking ridiculous.

A drinking team with a riding problem?

Go check out bikestories. It's a good site.

  From: Jason
Subject: Stopadoodledoo, penned by two of the infamous Addiscombe CC
Hi mate,
Marco (Addiscombe CC) said that I should send you the following. I know that we're not likely to get much take-up by bikers in the States but you never know. I suppose (reading through it again) that the only problem would be if anyone wanted a copy sending to them in the States or anywhere else abroad, the stamped address envelope would be a pointless exercise as we'd have to travel over there to put the bloody think in a postbox. Bugger. Oh well, people can always download it when it's ready I suppose.

Coming very soon, Stopadoodledoo, the new mountain bike fanzine aimed at people who make cocks of themselves whilst riding downhill. Penned by incompetent downhillers with over-active minds, the magazine will include such delights as half-arsed race reports, reviews of items you never knew you needed, alcohol-fueled biking adventures and much, much more. To keep costs down, Stopadoodledoo is available by sending two sheets of A4 paper and a SAE to our editor, who will provide you with his address if you e-mail him on James@stopadoodledoo.com , or downloadable from www.stopadoodledoo.com.

We already have a website up to support the mag at www.stopadoodledoo.com so have a look; you may just like what you see.

That sounds good to me.

This does not sound good.

And how do you argue with this infallabile logic, "Mr. Talat has taken down his photo of Saddam but he is not willing to relinquish his control. "I had to go along with the regime because otherwise they would turn me into cinnamon…"

Of course, I'm being sarcastic.

Dan sent in a link to girls-on-bikes. He says he's pretty sure he saw a non motorized cycle in there somewhere. I haven't, but what I have seen, I liked. So there.

More from Big Dave.

  From: Dave
Subject: occupation forces
This place here is more crowded than ever. Tons of people coming in from the camps to get stuff before they head to the land of change. We have sent hundreds of contractors north to take care of our troops with the stuff that is too high tech for troops to figure out. They are living by the water bottle up there. Lots of people keep coming back with Sadaam bucks. Stacks of it. I don't understand how anybody figures out what they are worth. Some people are straight up selling the Iraqi bills for American cash. Total chaos.

The former baath members and anybody who had any type of influence in the past regime are now your local pawn dealers and corner marketeers. They are all selling the stuff they looted. If they don't have what you need, they'll have it for you the next day. Where the hell they get it all from is a mystery. It doesn't even phase the military as they are paying cash money to the Iraqis for stuff they need. Now that they are working side by side with former baath policemen, there's not much they need up there.

My intel friends are appalled. They can't believe we allowed their police force to go back out on the streets with firearms. They say it's like the US hiring the SS to police the streets of Germany after WWII. Scary stuff.

Now they are all protesting our "occupation." They really do not like that Jay Garner guy. He's a big hero in my unit. He defended the patriot missile after the first round. Got a bunch of press for it and ended up lining the pockets of many defense contractors with hefty contracts related to missile defense. The stuff works for sure. Almost too well. Even lost a couple of friendly planes to it this time around. Whoops...collateral damage.

It will be surprising if the Iraqis allow the American contractors to come in and fix up the country. I would not be surprising if they chose to live in squalor before they allowed an American company to come in and to "charity" work for them. I see these people as being fiercely independent, yet stupid and stubborn enough to drive out a helping hand. We'll see what happens in a few short weeks.

Hope all is well in the yellow zone back there in the good ole USA. Can't wait to get back there to participate in the real fight....that damn Patriot Act. ACLU membership is way up. Too bad I can't get to their web page here....BLOCKED!!!

Feel the love? Why it's Pax Americana. Support our troops. Get in line. War and roses.

Chris Floyd says, "Not since "Mein Kampf" has a geopolitical punch been so blatantly telegraphed, years ahead of the blow." Um, wow. And Jay Bookman explains what he thinks are the real goals in Iraq.

I'll tell you this much. I don't think we're leaving Iraq anytime soon. Or Kuwait, or Saudi Arabia either. We are going to be there forever.

And that sucks. Just like being in a airport these days.

  From: Cars-R-Coffins
Subject: Mapei rolls by while loco locals moto 30 metre gyroscopes...
Greetings Fiends,
It's Sunday evening, 20-April (4-20!) and we are back in Saigon after a rather relaxing week. Leaving Nha Trang the other day we saw two Mapei team riders in full kit heading the other direction, and while on any other ride I might assume it to be Peter Leugers, in this case it was quite surreal, and we can only assume they are in the area for the Trans-VietNam road race which started yesterday in Hanoi and finishes 30-April in Saigon. Later on we also passed a carnival-like stand on the side of the road, painted signs depicting Evel Kneivel type riders touting "Moto Bay." Sounds good; let's check it out...it's a 30 meter tall cylinder with stairs leading up the outside to a viewing platform. Inside, fully enclosed, 4 people are standing at the bottom of the cylinder, while a woman is riding a motorcycle in gyroscope fashion, climbing higher and higher up the walls, like some Billy Jack cum-Mert Lawill tripped out balancing act. Bizarre is too understated a word, and sadly, my camera had broke a few days back so we hope that Mac's long-range lens was able to capture some of the action. We clapped madly along with some locals gathered atop the platform when the woman and then a young man took turns riding. This trip keeps getting zanier... That evening in Ba Ngoi we drank bia hoi with the locals (4000 dong for a 2 litre jug; best deal yet!), and regaled them with our stellar command of Vietnamese language; yeah right. The next morning rode a short 40k to Phan Rang.

We're a bit o.d'd on beaches at the moment so plans were altered to visit Dalat, a mountainous town full of extant French Villas, and hence, a former French stronghold back in the day. It was decided over beers the night before that we would catch a bus from Phan Rang for the 113k ride to Dalat, and anyway it was basically an uphill slog most of the way including two 10k climbs towards the finish. The bus ride was quite an experience, you understand.

The first bus we hailed, at a roundabout in Phan Rang-(and these are 'mini-buses' or vans really) wanted 100,000 dong to our proposal of 60,000, so we said no thank you and rode on. Not 50 yards away a second bus approached, and agreed to our price. What occurred next was simply madness. As we started to load our bikes into the rear of the bus, the first bus pulled up. Out jump their "commandos", (my term, not theirs)as these buses have point-men (or in this case a man and a woman) on guard at all times hailing (haranguing?) riders, and a small melee ensued. The first group grabbing at our bikes, pushing and shoving. One guy is yanking on her brake cable so Mac gave the guy a brisk forearm, while I grabbed his arm and had to shout him down, all the while thinking I was going to have to punch this clown, if necessary, though cognizant the whole time that losing your cool is not well respected here. Essentially, the first group felt the 2nd bus was "stealing" their passengers. Fuck them, they didn't want to take us for 60,000. It was all very chaotic. We were never in danger, mind you, save for the Neal Casady-driving styles, but the situation was certainly bizarre.

Once loaded into the van, we then turned around and must've done close to 20 laps around the roundabout and thru nearby streets looking for more passengers to fill out the van. We settled for several large bags of produce, 2 monks, and an older man heading to the next village. I wasn't very happy with it all, as I'd rather be riding, but Mac's calm demeanor in the eye of madness was the voice of reason and the alternative 113k ride in retrospect, would have been a motherfucker. Ok, fine I guess. But 20 minutes into it, we pulled a u-turn behind some building and out go the bikes to be loaded on the roof, as about 9 large bags of charcoal get heaved, slammed and crammed into any available nook and cranny in the back of the van. Unreal, but that's simply how they do things here. I mellowed out, even though I wasn't enjoying the ride so much. More than anything, I hate being trapped inside some insular automobile, while madness reigns all around me.

It was all worth it, as we arrived in Dalat, though, with it's cool mountain climate, and very European feel. We found a great room on the top floor of the Peace 2 Hotel for $5 bucks, and drank cold tiger beer. Ironically, right next door was an adventure company, Phat Tire Ventures, run by a US expat and his wife, offering guided mountain bike rides. We signed up for a trip called "Northern Exposure" for the next day. They were skeptical that we could do the ride on our single speeds, but we assured them not to worry. The next morning we showed up and met the owner, and then went out with two guides. It felt great to ride without the weight of our panniers and the trails were fantastic, with real live singletrack, steep climbs, and fast descents. In fact, all of us stacked it at one point or another, none serious, though one of our guides brought up the rear at one point with a nice contusion on his cheek below his eye, and a cut on his knee. After a long 20 minute climb, we broke for lunch. Duong & Hao, our guides, laid out a nice spread of sandwiches, bananas, pineapple and sweetbreads, and we eagerly chowed down. Then it was more fast descents, and a nice technical trail around a lake before riding back into town. We left around 9:30 a.m. and returned to the shop at 2:30. It was an excellent break from the daily grind on the highways with our fully loaded bikes.

We contemplated riding again today, but decided to get to Saigon as we need to get our Cambodian Visas before heading back across lower Cambodia and back to Thailand, and time is running short. However, today's bus ride, though long -about 6-7 hours, ~300k to Saigon- was on an air-conditioned passenger bus, with our bikes loaded below in the cargo bay. It was a bit weird to be back in Saigon, and the bus dropped us at the tourist office not one block from where we stayed previously, so we felt like old pros, and in fact got a room at Guesthouse 70, the same place as last time.

So here we are, just tying up loose ends, before riding south out of Ho Chi Minh City (Saigon) thru the Mekong Delta, and onward thru Cambodia to Sihanoukville. From there, we'll take a short boat ride back into Thailand, and hopefully round out the trip with some island time on Koh Chang Island, before bee-lining it to Bangkok for our 8 May departure.

I hope this finds everyone happy and healthy. Sounds like Sea Otter was it's usual ball of fun, and we're sorry to be missing out on Fruita this year, but we're confident that the usual amounts of beer will be spilled, even without our help...

Hurl & Mac


Sunday, April 20, 2003
alexa   I   tera patrick   I   teri weigel

Another Squealer in the books. Of course, it was a good one. Everything my man Jimbo puts together is an event not to be missed. Definitely one of the high points of Arizona cycling culture, a Jimbo event.

My birthday was on Friday, I turned 33. So, you know I went out and had way too much to drink for a 4:30 wake up Saturday morning. There I was, in passed out splendor on Jim's floor with Gnomies and Sadow nearby, when Jim releases the hounds on us.

The hounds are his pair of dachshunds. Scary little beasts, especially when viewed from floor level with blurry, bloodshot eyes. It's a god damned nightmare. A couple of those snarling monsters crawling all over you at 4:30 in the morning will convince you to give up the drink, find Jesus and start living clean.

Yeah, yeah, fuck that.

We were to be at South Mountain park at 5:30, and I think we made it. How the hell should I know? I didn't bring a watch. I figured I wasn't up for any land speed records, I'd probably puke, and there was really nothing to do except ride until the kegs were tapped. It was dark out. And cold.

We left in :45 second intervals. Right behind me was Big Gay Randy, and you don't want him riding straight up your ass first thing in the morning, I'll tell you that much.

I asked him something about how many tubes he was bringing, if he a had a pump, I dunno something like that. And he says, no, I didn't bring anything. That's why I've got you, jonny.

Well, does that mean your going to take it easy and cruise it with me?

Oh no, I'm going to rail it.

I guess I don't have your tubes today then do I?

He caught, passed and dropped me a whole lot sooner than I would have liked. But oh well. What can I do? We started by blasting straight up National. Or, in my case, I started by walking up National. Fucking God damned cliff.

Sure, it's rideable with a two to one gear. Sure. You can make it. Fuck you.

Around the half way point, you have to park your bike and hike up a couple of hundred feet of trail, hang out with girls dressed like bunnies and find an Easter egg with your race number on it. Then, you either carry your egg to the finish undamaged or you are assessed a ten minute penalty.

All is fair in love and war, baby.

I went real slow. Felt like absolute shit the first hour. Wrecked the hell outta myself once and only a little bit ten times. Didn't flat once. Didn't bonk. And didn't break my egg.

I'll get to the with the results, 'cause that's what everyone seems to care about anyway, right? I wrote down a couple of top finishers on the back of my number plate this morning before I left Phoenix for the cozy confines of my own apartment, where I can sit around in my underwear and wonder why it hurts so bad. Without the snarling beasts crawling all over me. Just the bugs under my skin from the DTs. But, that goes away as soon as I start drinking again. Usually.

For the geared folks, the first woman was Jennifer Bennett with a time of 2:04. And the first man was Jason Spencer who came in at 1:36. One hour and thirty six minutes for all of the National trail is fucking blazing fast. Good ride by Jason. He also scored plenty of afternoon bar points by drinking himself absolutely into oblivion. The guy is rock solid, with no discernible weakness. He has is all.

In the single speed category, Dara Marks rode a 2:07. No slim feat by any stretch and way, way ahead of me. On the men's side, Spanky tore shit up with a 1:39. He was the second fastest overall as well. Again, blazing fast and no slouch around the keg or barstool. Spanky can swill beer at the Championship level for hours. And he did.

Big Bruce was the bloodiest rider with some class AA gore on his forearms. And Randy Sooter had the most mechanicals. He had at least three flats, and then busted his chain tensioner so his chain kept falling off the back of his singlespeed. All this on a bike that's pretty well held together by bubble gum and shoelaces to begin with. I wish I had a picture of his shark fin looking re-enforcement shim thingy welding between his top and down tube. Clean weld, but on an aluminum bike it's got to be a bit scary.

Don't tell Randy that, he's still shredding the shit outta that thing.

I came in at 2:22, way off the pace but eager to prove my worth in the days second and more grueling event, the booze fest. After a quick shuffle to a really nasty concrete bunker of a bathroom for some well earned mud spraying, I was ready. How I managed not to shit myself out on the trail, I have no idea. Me and beer, we got ourselves an understanding.

A pair of kegs from Rio Salado kept the bullshit flowing till we killed those bitches and descended on the Stables Bar like fucking locusts. After nearly killing myself a couple of times on the short ride over to the bar, I skidded right into the wall for good measure. The bikes were piled high and the only beer on tap was Budweiser. Good old Budweiser.

Fine, my good man I told the bartender, a barrel chested mullet wearing cowboy of at least 250 pounds and not an inch shorter than me, I'll take two pitchers. How many glasses? Better just start handing them out.

The opening cheer was straight out of barfly as I held the pitcher high, stood up on my barstool and screamed out "to all my friends!"

We came, we saw, we drank like fishes. At some point, one of my extremely drunken brethren found a cardboard box full of western style shirts. Of course, people started wearing them, dropping glasses full of beer and generally just acting like a bunch of fucking idiots. How we didn't get kicked out I have no idea.

I couldn't find a shirt for myself, so I came out sporting kickass chest protector. Bad idea. I might as well of painted a target on my shirt. As soon as I got back into the bar, some dude who looks exactly like Stuart O'Grady punched me so hard in the chest it knocked me backwards on my heels. The guy is a tank and packs a whallop.

Not to be outdone, and he seldom it, the Gnome started whaling on me too. I thought I was gonna vomit, it hurt so bad. The vest came off. Promptly.

Today, I've got some nice bruises to go with my memories. Great. Over at cyclingnews you can read about Vinokourov kicking all kinds of ass in the Amstel Gold race. Also, I've got the Sixers in the first round against Hornets on tv tonight.

Go Sixers.


Friday, April 18, 2003
biker fox   I   sendero cycles   I   tropic heat

Holy shit, it's the 12 hours of green.

  From: Ken
Subject:
FYI, the only big companies (people and logistics) that can handle the Iraq rebuilding task *are* Bechtel & Haliburton (this was covered in a briefing.com article as I mentioned to you before). You ranted against both just because the media dug up some "connections" to both and our current government. These companies have 60K people. They have to have some government connections to do the stuff they do whether we like or not. Ranting on whomever wins seems like pissing on sour milk.

I personally don't like either of them, but folks like me in Boston have had it w/ Bechtel. They're responsible for most of the Big Dig overruns. We don't trust them at all. Check this out: www.boston.com

But I also realize the choice was down to only these two companies. What else do you propose to do to fix this instead of just bitching? I can bitch all day and come up w/ no solutions too, but that's pretty unproductive :-)

The "big dig" was the first time I had heard of Betchel. Aren't there some Boston politicians investigating those overruns? That was some big money. Scary stuff.

Looking back over what I wrote on Betchel the past week or so, I see I didn't really mention that part that pisses me off the most about the whole thing. This secret, closed door bidding that shut out British companies, the UN and so forth. That just doesn't seem above board at all. It smells of some buddy system bullshit. And I can't think its a good way to do things.

Imagine being Tony Blair, who went to the wall for Bush. There are British soldiers out there getting shot at, just like our boys. And now, they can't even get in line for the gravy train rebuilding contracts. He's as shut out as the French and Germans.

Yeah, that sets a nice tone for folks who may be asked to help us in the future.

Man, we're dicks.

I've got to slow down a bit here, or I might start being productive.

Remember, somewhere, right now, someone is having fun.

  From: Cars-R-Coffins
Subject: Is that a headwind in your pocket?
Xin Chao,

6 consecutive days, 550 km, 3 mountain passes, HEAT, Murder City Headwinds everyday, and suddenly we find ourselves in Nha Trang. The guidebooks say this is the place to hang in Viet Nam, but we've seen some rather tranquil, quiet, deserted beaches on this stretch that would have me arguing that statement, (and if you ask nicely, I may even tell you where they are.)

Rolling out of Hoi An on Monday morning was bittersweet, as it truly has the mellow qualities that we were looking for, and as Mac sez, it's a tourist town "done right." But roll out we did, thru lush fields and villages before rejoining National Highway 1 and 130 km to Quang Ngai. Thankfully, it was a mostly flat route, and when we arrived in Q. Ngai, we saluted our own solid effort with cold Saigon bia at the Mimosa Cafe.

Day 2, Quang Ngai to Sa Huynh was "just" 66 km, but the route was a barrage of roadworks and more mad headwinds, and finished with a slight climb to Sa Huynh Hotel which Lonely Planet called "sad and sorry." Well someone must have pissed in their porridge, because aside from our half-missing, cracked toilet seat, so that you had to sit on a jagged crescent moon, or the fact that we didn't have running water in our room until several hours after checking in, we had no complaints having the deserted, white sand beach to ourselves, and cooled off from the ride by bodysurfing in the South China Sea.

Sa Huynh - Qui Nhon
100k of fun. I saw a two chickens doggin' a dog, pecking at his head. Qui Nhon supposedly has rude, unfriendly locals but we found a hotel right off the highway that was decent, and when I asked for a "bia lanh" (cold beer) I was hustled across the street to another hotel where I thought the beer was. But all of a sudden I was being shown more rooms. I thought perhaps they were splitting us up into separate rooms, but apparently the first hotel didn't have beer and so we wheeled across the street where the owners served us cold Saigon bia, and cooked us fried rice with vegetables. My plate also had some meat on it, which I didn't eat much of; pork, chicken, and a suspicious looking oval piece, which I'm convinced was a testicle...

Qui Nhon - Tuy Hoa
103k
GOD DAMN HEADWINDS continue. Mornings are certainly our favorite time to ride, but the heat is still oppressive by 7:30. More climbing today over Cu Mong Pass, not as difficult as Hai Van, but still enough to make the lungs shake and wheeze. At the top, a truck driver washing his truck gave us a spray from his hose. The scenery today very lush, and green, and after being slightly inland the last two days, we're back along the coast near Song Cau. Stopped for lunch and then immediately had another lovely climb to contend with. Not too steep, but roadworks going on meant only one lane open, and a hot, greasy, tar-covered one at that, which when we tried to ride felt like molasses. Another road worker gave us a quick push as we rode past in blast furnace heat. The final 30km into Tuy Hoa had a distinct lack of nuoc mia (sugar cane) vendors and we really wanted bia anyway so it was straight away to a joint advertising Bia Toi Saigon, for a pitcher for 10,000 vnd, and a visit with the locals.

Tuy Hoa -Doc Let Beach
103k
Headwinds, Heat, Sweat, the bottom of our feet and bums feel as though someone has been repeatedly smashing them with 2x4's. Another huge climb and long stretches with no trees. Throw in a sagauro cactus and I'd swear I was riding through Arizona. 35km from Nha Trang we sidetracked off of Hghway 1 for 16km to Doc Let Beach. We expected to find a quiet beach and bungalows for $7; instead we found Doc Let Resort, fully occupied by executives from Hyundai. No way do we want to return the 16km to the main road, + 33k into Nha Trang, and on second look, the reception informs us that she will have just one room available for $10, "at 5 o'clock." Park the bikes, hit the beach, and get tubed in the swells...

Doc Let - Nha Trang.
50k
You could say that today was a short ride, but you'd be dead wrong. Still oppressively hot, and the final push into Nha Trang is a 3.5km STEEP climb, but the twisting descent was pretty groovy and here we are. Having a day off the bikes feels exquisite, and look over there, across the street at Crazy Kim's Bar: Happy Hour began at 10 a.m.....

Since I pretty much have nothing to say, I'll just end this little ditty with some Charles Bukoswki. Courtesy of one man named Response.

  some people never go crazy.
me, sometimes I'll lie down behind the couch
for 3 or 4 days.
they'll find me there.
it's Cherub, they'll say, and
they pour wine down my throat
rub my chest
sprinkle me with oils.

then, I'll rise with a roar,
rant, rage -
curse them and the universe
as I send them scattering over the
lawn.
I'll feel much better,
sit down to toast and eggs,
hum a little tune,
suddenly become as lovable as a
pink
overfed whale.

some people never go crazy.
what truly horrible lives
they must lead.


Thursday, April 17, 2003
tiffany   I   epic rider   I   gear inch calculator

Yee haa, Thursday. Good times. More on Bechtel. Fuckers. Here too.

One more day till the Squealer. I'm going to kill myself with beer. If there is anything left of me after the ride that is.

So, I'm a little unclear on this whole "war on terror" stuff. Do we kick the shit out of all terrorist states, or just the one's on sandlots that we can fuck up without breaking a sweat?

I mean, I'm just wondering.

Check out not quite bernadette.

More from Big Dave.

  From: Dave
Subject: rumors and images
Now that I'm "no longer in the loop" of the war action, I rely on rumors and regular media.....just like you guys. Good stuff. I get to see exactly what the military wants you to see. You the voters.

I heard a good rumor yesterday about the burning oil wells. The rumor is that a Canadian company (same company that capped a bunch of wells in the first war) offered to cap the 6 or so wells burning right now for free. They offered to do it to help the people of Iraq maintain some of there non-renewable resources. Apparently, the Bush crew said no thanks. Bush apparently is using your tax dollars to pay one of his buddies to cap the wells. Good stuff.

Can you go without oil? Can you reduce your need for it enough to not buy the oil that Bush and his cronies are going to pump out of Iraq? I think all of America can. Lewis and Clarke made it all the way to Oregon without oil. Thousands of Mormon pioneers made it to Utah without oil. No oil at all. If they can do that, I'm sure we can go without having to ship it in from all over the world while wielding our sword in order to buy it at the price we want it.

Anybody got the contact info for Bikes-Not-Bombs? I'd like to start helping them in their cause. I'm sure there will be plenty of Iraqis here that will never be able to afford a car. Maybe I can come back and show these guys how to build a wheel.

I got some coffee from a Lucy in Denver. Thanks. Since I'm no longer working in the office, I gave it to some troopies that were headed to the new frontier. They were pretty stoked.

There are now permanent structures being put to use by our forces in Iraq. We have taken over several warehouses and installed chow halls and other places to make life a little easier for the new police force of the oilnationstate.

I no longer have to wear all my battle gear! Good thing....it's starting to get hot and my rear wheel was making some crazy noises. I tried truing it up, but 30 out of 32 is just not enough for my 200 lb. ass.

Rumor has it I might ship home on the 15th of May. Just in time for my B-day, too late for Big Bear.

Peace and love from the Kuwait.

Well, I've about had it on this end. It's late, I'm tired and there isn't a beer left anywhere in this God damn apartment. Fuck.

Screw it. I'm turning on Love Line and hitting the sack. Maybe I'll feel better tomorrow and maybe even ride my bike and shit. Maybe.

Here is Bensy's race report from Sea Otter. I liked it better when he was a fat, slow, worthless cocksucker like me. Now he's all fast and shit and we can't even be friends anymore.

Ok, we can still be friends. I just lack the class to even hand him a raincoat. Yeah, it's like that.

  From: Bensy
Subject: Check this
Well, I suppose being late for the staging of my class was a blessing. I pretty much walked up at the last minute and got a spot on the starting line. Right before the start I heard some guy ask if I liked my 29 inch wheels. I said, "yeah it is a fun bike!" He commented that it looked fast. I had not really thought about it being a fast bike until then. Next thing I know I am on the line looking around at the guys next to me, both with heart rates around 120 before the race even started. Mine was 80. I realized I was ready for this race. The sun had just come out after a morning of wind and rain so I was glad that I did not have to start while it was still raining. The gun went off and about 15 guys suddenly swarmed around me as we all took off up to climb Laguna Seca Raceway towards the corkscrew. Nobody was going too hard so I decided to head on up for the top 5 as we left the track and headed for dirt. Man, once I hit dirt I felt like I was ready to take off like a rocket. Only 3 guys passed me on descents, I was expecting quite a few more. Then I started noticing that there was room to pass people anywhere. So I did. By the time I got to the "oh Jesus, fuck me" hike-a-bike, I had passed everyone in my class (expert 30-34) and started catching the wave that left 5 minutes before us. I pretty much passed people constantly throughout the whole race. I was blowing by people all fucking day. Granny gear climb, pass 2-3 people. Hike-a-bike, pass 2-3 people. By the end of the race I had even caught all but 3 of the pro women that started about 15 minutes before us. It was a really fast course. The world champ and company did 2 laps in around 2:05. I did it in 2:24. I won by 1:01. The highlight of the race was riding up to a smokin' hot Saturn pro woman on a mountain bike. I looked over at her and said "on your right, hang in there" She looked at me, smiled and said thanks. Next thing I know I am trying to regain control of my bike and figure out who the hot chick was that just made me want to wreck my bike. Later I found out her name was Lyne. She did pretty good in the road stage race.

It was a good time BJ. No, a great time! Let's hear it for big wheels!!


Wednesday, April 16, 2003
confessions of a killer   I   pearl game   I   chicky

Another Wednesday in the Old Pueblo means one thing. A ride with that Bastard Justin. And wouldn't ya know it, he took it easy on me?

It can mean only two things. Either he's really planning to do well at Bisbee and Gila, or he's giving me early birthday gifts. He even let me take all three city limit sprints today.

I'll tell you this much, 'ol Snake wouldn't have given me that. No no, he woulda blown my doors clean off. Rotten, crummy son of a….

Anyway, good day, good ride. I think I put in one hard effort today, up that breaker of men Pistol Hill. And, yes it was windy. It's always friggin windy. Justin looked at me panting over the top and said, "Maybe three days in Flagstaff wasn't so good for you."

Ah, come back here and say that you bastard. Wait up.

And so it goes.

  From: Mike
Subject: Belgium
All I have to say that Belgium is the Mecca of cycling. You must go there sometime and see what it is like to ride down the road and the cars get out of your way. Also if you can go see the Spring Classics then you know what it is to live then. I have so many stories from this past trip that I don't know where to start. The beer is also worth going over for. One story was when I was riding the Tour of Flanders course w/ the club from Belgium the day before the race, a car decided to try and squeeze pass a parked car in the opposite lane into our lane while we were coming. The motorcycle that was w/ the Belgium club gunned it and almost rammed the sport utility vehicle which caused him to stop half way in between both lanes. What happened next was incredible. the guys from the club started banging on the car hood and one guy hit it so hard that I think that he put a huge dent in it. The driver then rolled down the window, which was the biggest mistake of his life. Three guys after yelling at him then proceed to spit on him as we begin to continue the 160 mile ride. The guy was in a business suit, which made it even funnier. The guys from the club didn't think anything about and said that the driver was in the complete wrong. It was just incredible. On all the bergs of the course there were people watching you cheering. On the Muur it was completely packed w/ people cheering for everybody that was going up. I have to say that w/ all the people cheering it made the 160 miles that much easier. After that ride there was a lot of beer to be drank. Actually I won't bore you w/ all the other stories, because that was just the second day there. Just go over and see the Classics and ride. It is the Mecca of bike riding and also of beer drinking.

Yesterday morning was no fun at all. I figured I had better ride and stop being a pussy after the weekends throttling in Flagstaff. My heartrate was 54 when I woke up, so whatever passes for recovery around here was pretty much done. As good as it gets I suppose. It was windy as shit, and colder than a witches tit outside. Fuck it. No rest for the wicked. The usual group ride kicked off at 6:30, and started out pleasantly enough. I sat up on Ajo when I was going about as hard as I could, and I looked down at the computer and it said, are you ready for this, 38 minutes.

I'm a half an hour out and I'm at my max. This sucks. I quit. Then it started hailing on me.

Yes, I said hail.

I stopped in a Circle K and bought a pair off $1.99 cotton gardening gloves. $2.10 with tax. You know you're hands are cold when you can't get the money out of your jersey pocket, let alone count out two dollar bills and a dime.

And, yes, they were the finest gloves I have ever worn in my life.

I took the short cut home, which meant I skipped out on the fun we call the McCain loop and rode straight over Gates. It took me over two hours to ride what really should take an hour and twenty minutes without the wind, rain and hail. Good times.

I did hear some talk on the ride about Tom Boonen's Roubaix. I was far to cold and miserable to comment on it then, but I'm quite comfortable now, so here goes. Tom Boonen may have crashed in Roubaix and not repeated his podium placing, but he is far from a failure. He still came in at 24th at 2:28 back. Which isn't all that bad for a support rider in a race that saw 190 men start and only 63 finish.

And, considering his third place finish in Gent - Wevelgem on the previous Wednesday and a 25th at 3:10 back in the Rhonde Van Vlaanderen the prior Sunday, he's had a hell of a week. I don't see him as failing.

  From: Dean
Subject: Roger Hammond
Yeah Van Petegem rules, but just look at the UK's Roger Hammond, 1 place behind Johan Museeuw in 8th place in Gent - Wevelgem and in Paris Roubaix 17th riding for a little team

Roger Hammond? Didn't he win a world Cyclocross Championship as a junior or something? I know he's won the British Championship and had some good showings with the elite riders a the Worlds in the last few years.

That is nothing to scoff at. Good ride by Roger. I wonder if he's to heavy to ride with the leaders in a race like Amstel Gold or Liege?

Tonight Michael Jordan plays his last game against the Sixers. And the Flyers are in double overtime against Toronto. Quite a night.


Tuesday, April 15, 2003
kyla   I   things that work   I   scary as hell

Do you realize the Squealer is almost upon us? Dear God, I'm going to ruin myself out at another of Jimbo's fine events. He is a sick little bastard, isn't he folks?

Go check out Hightowers latest commentary.

  From: Bruce
Subject: Hey jonny
http://www.nytimes.com/2003/04/14/opinion/14HERB.html
Ah, money makes money, and the rest of us just try to keep air in our tires, eh?
And BTW who the fuck elected Rummy anyway? Next we are going to take out Syria? Hey, we're on a roll!
Anyway, I just had a chance to catch up on your site, as I've been to NAB, Zion (no cars!) and doing taxes.
Does van Petegem fucking rule or what? I like the quotes about if they can just keep him off the beer, he can win some more. A man after our own hearts : )

Well Bruce, the Bechtel Group of San Francisco can suck my mother fucking dick. And, Van Petegem is a bad man.

Bad. Very bad. He is so bad, he should be in detention.

Tall Todd knows what I'm talking about. We were all on his jock way back when he was a Het Volk winner. Yeah, we're so on it around here.

  From: Deebo
Subject: RE: A good read
If you actually believe the wicked bullshit this man is spewing, I weep for you.

If Saddam was such an evil motherfucker, than that evil regime that was in power before the hated Clinton, who's only prosecutable crime, despite 8 years of public funded investigations was guilty of getting head from a fat broad and lying about it, Shouldn't that previous regime of the Schrub's father have done something about it when they had twice the number of troops, three times the air strikes to soften up the country, and the entire world opinion at his back, shouldn't he have maybe gotten rid if him in 91?

WHY HAS NO ONE ANSWERED THAT QUESTION?

That, my friend, is a very good question. Why didn't we just kick his ass in '91.

My guess is that we didn't want to be in the position we are now, having to police a country the is completely without law and order. It's a fucking trainwreck over there. It's like the Rodney King riots times ten and lasting for weeks.

Maybe it was easier for big daddy Bush to back off and let Saddam have his piss ant little country? I can never forget that piece of video where someone asks Bush senior about the Kurds, who were getting the shit shot out of them at the time, while Bush is out on the gold course. He just couldn't care less. Gotta hit the ball in the little hole, fellas. I'm busy.

I don't know. It's just so fucked up.

How 'bout some insults from ebaum's world?

Response sent in this link about how " The executive producer of a CBS miniseries about Adolf Hitler's rise to power has been fired after giving an interview in which he compared the current mood of Americans to that of the Germans who helped Hitler rise to power."

Yeah, freedom of speech, my ass.

For those of you who don't know why the current mood of America is quite a bit like what happened in Germany, I'll try to cram it all in a nutshell. When Hitler was elected, and he was actually elected, a national tragedy befell Germany. It, in my opinion, was no where near as shocking or evil as what happened on September 11th, but to the Germans at the time, it was pretty bad. And, more importantly, it was enough of a moment for Hitler to seize opportunity. Terrorists, he said. Terrorists who must be stopped. This can never happen again, he said.

So, a whole slew of personnel freedoms, what we call Liberty, were taken from the German people. Not unlike the Patriot act bullshit we're being subjected to. We're doing this for your own good. We're only trying to protect your freedom.

Protect freedom by taking it away?

Yeah, it's like that. You can read all about here.

Now, do I think Bush is the next Hitler? No. But, do I think a lot of our current social, economic and political climate sheds light on 1930's Germany and the way Hitler built up power? Yes.

We as a country are scared. Scared of "terrorists". Scared of "weapons of mass destruction". Scared of questioning our government. Scared of speaking out.

Our Liberties have never been as threatened as they are now. Your phone can be tapped, your email read, your computer seized and your very person detained. At any time. And the explanation will be that you are a threat to security, you said something you shouldn't have, or you spoke to someone you shouldn't have.

Toe the line, buddy, or you're going bye bye.

It's happening right now. In this county. In America. It is real. And it is wrong.

Liberty. It is not to be taken lightly. Once you loose it, it is very hard to get back.

"They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety."
Benjamin Franklin, Historical Review of Pennsylvania, 1759

Today's joke.

  A little old lady went into the Bank of Canada one day, carrying a bag of money. She insisted that she must speak with the President of the Bank to open a savings account because, "It's a lot of money."

After much hemming and hawing, the bank staff finally ushered her into the president's office. The customer is always right after all.

The bank President then asked her how much she would like to deposit. She replied, "$165,000!" and dumped the cash out of her bag onto his desk.

The President was, of course, curious as to how she came by all this cash. So, he asked her, "Ma'am, I'm surprised you're carrying so much cash around. Where did you get this money?"

The old lady replied, "I make bets."

The President then asked, "Bets? What kind of bets?"

The old woman said, "Well, for example, I'll bet you $25,000 that your balls are square."

"Ha!" laughed the President, "That's a stupid bet. You can never win that kind of bet!"

The old lady challenged, "So, would you like to take my bet?"

"Sure," said the President, "I'll bet $25,000 that my balls are not square!"

The little old lady then said, "Okay, but since there is a lot of money involved, may I bring my lawyer with me tomorrow at 10:00 AM as a witness?"

"Sure!" replied the confident president.

That night, the President got very nervous about the bet and spent a long time in front of a mirror checking his balls, turning from side to side, again and again.

He thoroughly checked them out until he was sure there was absolutely no way his balls were square and that he would win the bet.

The next morning, at precisely 10:00 am, the little old lady appeared with her lawyer at the President's office. She introduced the lawyer to the President and repeated the bet: "$25,000 says the president's balls are square!"

The president agreed with the bet again and the old lady asked him to drop his pants so they could all see. The President did.

The little old lady peered closely at his balls and then asked if she could feel them.

"Well, Okay," said the President, "$25,000 is a lot of money, go ahead and give 'em a roll, sweetheart."

Just then, he noticed that the lawyer was quietly banging his head against the wall. The President asked the old lady, "What the hell's the matter with your lawyer?"

She replied, "Nothing, except I bet him $100,000 that at 10:00 AM today, I'd have The Bank of Canada's president's balls in my hand. Oh, and you're balls are definitely not square."


Monday, April 14, 2003
katana   I   kim   I   scratch and sniff

On my trip up to Flagstaff this past weekend I left my dog down here in Tucson under the fine care of my neighbor, the Garden Gnome.

At some point during the first night I was gone, my pooch started getting a little frisky ‘round Gnomies poor old Snapper. Teeth were bared and skin was broken. Never a good thing, a fight between friends, and this was no exception. The gnome did the only thing he could, he threw the bitch out of the house and went back to bed.

So then my dog is back two doors down at my place. And, I guess Cheeba didn’t like being home alone, as it were, and decided to do something about it.

That something, as the Gnome found out later, was to get up on the kitchen counter, turn on the kitchen faucet (?), knock the shit outta anything that had been on the counter tops, knock the stove burners all over the place, and knock out both pilot lights on the stove. Then, when she got bored in the kitchen, she found new things to do, like tear down the shower curtain, set off the fire alarm and then, for her grand finale, jump straight through the window screen to freedom.

Yeah, my dog is a fucking royal bitch. Grade A #1 bitch right there.

Poor Gnomie had no idea what he was getting himself into. About as much as I was getting myself out of, it seems.

So, Gnomie ended up with a hurt dog and a poor nights sleep. I ended up with an apartment that looks like a fucking bomb went off inside of it. And a smug little bitch of a dog who just sits there looking at me like, yeah, leave town again without me and you’ll get more of the same. You think I don't know when you're leaving, fatboy? Go ahead, try me, bucko.

It pretty much sucks to get threatened by your own dog. So much for this ‘mans best friend’ bullshit. My dog is trouble with a capitol T.

Good times.

Ah, you know the Gnome and me, we just don't fucking care.

How 'bout that Van Petegem? Holy shit, that kicked ass. And they said Peter was lazy, that he wasn't serious enough. From cyclingnews, "Keen to downplay his reputation of hitting the beer a bit too often, Van Petegem said, "On TV people see you holding a beer and they think that you've emptied a barrel. The ones who were there can confirm that I kept things really quiet."

Well, you can drink like a fish now, buddy.

And, how about two different US Postal riders doing better than Hincapie's best placing in the last two years? Ouch. That had to hurt from the sofa in North Carolina. When is Gorgeous George going to deliver the goods?

And, how about Dario Pieri coming in second on a Cannondale silk? I don't think anyone has ridden a suspension to that high of a placing since Andrei Tchmil won in 1994. Good for Cannondale, they could use the boost.

Yeah, the news doesn't lie. Nah. They tell us the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, right? Check out this shit from the LA Times.

  From: Malcolm
Subject: Oh lordy, suffering yet again
Another note from the other side of the pond.
Well I gone and done it again rode yet another veterans race and looking at the start sheet I see a smattering of ex-pros, including one illustrious individual that did some good rides in such minor races as the Paris-Roubaix, Milan-SanRemo to name but two. Well here he is riding along with us in rural Warwickshire close by Stratford (Where that guy Shakespeare used to live). So, 40 miles of pain at 25 mph. Once again my efforts to get away were all in vain and the uphill sprint brought me a 15th or so. Is this what I slog my life out on the turbo and in the gym over the winter for ? Would I be better spending my time in a bar ? Well to try and answer that question I have sampled some of Belgium's finest beer, now trying a young vatted Bulgarian (where the fuck is that ?) Merlot.
If you detect a note of angst creeping in its because I am monumentally pissed off. I really was determined that I would come good this year, forgetting that all the other guys had spent their winters preparing for the season. The cheats ! Training over the winter ! The idea. What happened to the good old days when we all stopped racing in September and grew fatter until January the first ? I honestly believed that my coaches plan of getting me to slog myself on the turbo from November to March would give me a massive advantage. But oh no, everybody else has a training plan for the winter months, instead of hitting the clubs !
I'll have a glass for you big fellar, so cheers ! And don't forget to pay us a visit one day !
Getting more pissed as the evening wears on...

Boise's own Starr 9 sent in this pic she found on a bus stop in Helsinki, same shit, different asshole. And yeah, it's the number 9.

Sorry Starr, but the number 9 has been ruined for me by that idiot Yoko Ono. I just can't get past that number nine, number nine shit.

"Orwell's Doublethink instructed not only that war is peace, but that ignorance is strength and freedom slavery. Judging from his policies and proclamations, these seem to match up with Bush's approach so far."

Read the rest of that article by Anita Roddick by clicking here. This would be her homepage. While you're there, take the time to click around and read about things like the ruby doll. Also known as the anti-barbie. Good stuff.

Today's joke and I'm out.

  A woman holding a baby gets on a bus. The bus driver looks at them and says, "God Damn! That's the ugliest baby I’ve ever seen!"

In a huff the woman slams her money into the farebox and goes to the rear of the bus. The man seated next to her sees she’s agitated and asks what’s wrong.
"The bus driver insulted me!" she fumes.

"That’s outrageous!" says the man. "He’s a public servant and shouldn’t be insulting passengers."

"You're right!" the woman says. "I think I’ll go up there and give him a piece of my mind!"

"That’s a good idea," says the man. "I’ll hold your monkey."


Sunday, April 13, 2003
alexa   I   zdenka   I   lesbians rule

The second Sunday in April only means one thing. Yeah, Paris-Roubaix. My fat ass is sitting down in front of the tv from 1 to 3 pm for interrupted viewing pleasure.

There has been a lot of talk 'round Snakes place on who is your pick and so forth. I've been saying all week that I would love to see Musweeuw win, but I'm not sure that he can. He just didn't look all that good a week ago in Flanders, and I'm not sure he could have recovered enough of his strength since then. I know he'll figure in it prominently, as will the rest of the Quick Step squad.

When it comes to the April races, those guys are just plain scary.

Found this link over at talking points memo. Very interesting stuff, these Republicans. Would you believe the things some of them say?

  From: jason
Subject: Re: question
BJ,
I went from the podium to getting pulled in the short track. The lords of acid are piling up in my legs so today should be interesting to say the least. the storm clouds look nasty. Bensy and I are more interested in the after race parties and a little mental break. He's looking for a MTB Pro Women so be on the lookout. Is it snowing on you?

That's Ok, Jason. I went from sitting behind the car motorpacing with Snake at 27 mph to bye bye time at 33. Big time bye bye.

Now we're actually watching Paris-Roubaix. Fucking unreal. Good times. I can't wait to see who wins this. Edge of the seat action.


Saturday, April 12, 2003
sweet cheeks   I   oh my   I   lesbians rule

Another day in the northland. And what's a weekend without a ride? You're damn right, it's nothin.

Saturday up here in Flagstaff means going out around Mormon Lake. Yeah, it's windy. Rollers. In short, everything I'm good at.

And then, just 'cause I really, really hate myself, I followed Snake over to Snowbowl and climbed up that son of a bitch. Ok, lets be honest. I didn't go all the way to the top. I turned around when Snake came blasting back down like he was shot out of a cannon.

I even saw the Mighty Deboo, looking like he got shot out of the same cannon, come blasting by me at a million miles an hour. Or, forty. Whatever. Either way, I was so far behind on that climb I was in a different time zone.

This is my United States of Whatever.

And what the fuck is with this audioslave bullshit? What the fuck happened to those guys? They used to rock like all hell.

One of there videos was on today and Snake tells me they should have named themselves "we suck a mile of cock".

I have to say I agree with them.

Check out eisentraut.com. I have it on good authority that, "He's the original mother of all framebuilders here in the US of A."

  From: scott
Subject: european update
Hello everyone,
Well it has been along time since I have written to most of you, and a whole lot has transpired in my life here inn Germany. First of all I must reiterate that life in Garmisch is mostly about doing many fun things with many fantastic and interesting people. Life recently hasn't been all fun and games though, present world events have managed to shake things up here a bit. In case you don't remember I am working for the department of defense, albeit the most removed from actually military workings possible. I work at a R&R resort for all military and NATO personnel. Even here though the world events have had a huge effect. I was in Italy when we went to war, found out that we were bombing Iraq while riding my bike in the Dolomites. I returned back to the town I was staying in that afternoon, to the site of peace demonstrations and people from all walks of life burning the American flag and comparing Bush to Hitler. It was definitely a little interesting. Next thing I come to find out when I returned home after 5 more days of bike riding in Italy, is that all of our facilities in Garmisch are temporarily shut down. In other words no work to do. It was announced last week that our staff here is to be cut by over 200 people that's greater than 35% of our total staff. My head is now on the chopping block, and let me describe how this effects me. Not only do I not want to come back to the reality of having to work hard for little fun, I have made no plans of what to do with myself upon returning to the US. Things are exacerbated a bit by the fact that I have been dating a girl for a few months now. So since last Wednesday I have had no idea whether or not I would remain in Europe or not. Today the ax came down, it appears that for now both my girlfriend and I have kept our necks intact. So life resumes, and I won't be seeing anyone unless they come visit me, until September, when my contract is up. So now that my long story is over, I hope everyone is well and feel free to write me anytime, even if it takes me forever and a day to return an email!

Yeah, Scott. We all love ya man. You're living the dream.

A guy named Ray thought this was interesting. Check this link, www.fas.org/man/dod-101/ops/war/docs/3203. And then, "Download (PDF) Appendix B - Chemical Weapons, and check out page 100. Our own Marines concluded that the Iranians killed the people in Halabja.".

I wonder about that one.

  From: Jim
Subject: hello from the city of denver
Dude-
I love your site. A year ago I was nearly killed in a car crash and your site nurtured me back to health.
As a member of the ACLU I respect your right to express your views about the whole Iraq thing.
But can we please have gallery #10 of the bike hotties instead of the international debate?

Ok, consider the Iraqi shit done for awhile. At least until I get pissed off again. And when I get some more server space I'll be working some new galleries.

Big up to the city of Denver. One of the best towns in the country for cyclists. Folks up there get it done.

There is an article in the May issue of Bicycling magazine detailing some of the hard work of one James Mackay, whom they call the "county's best bike planner. He has created 250 miles of urban bike paths during his tenure.

Good work James, keep it up.

  From: Jason
Subject: RE: question
Drunk Johnny,
The only difference is I didn't get dropped yesterday at the crit races. I raced the 30+ at 10 am and posted a 3rd. At the Fatboy crit, I upped myself for a 2nd. Check out the quote on cyclingnews.com. Today should be fun with no sun-----just rain and mud for the short track extravaganza----check the spelling on that one.

Spell check checked my brother. And good work out there. You were the talk of this mornings bike ride. I think you should run for mayor or something.

Well, I gotta roll. Snake and I are watching some funny shit on tv called Kung Faux. Shit is bangin'. And we got an anti-American party to go to. Some Canadian brother is throwing it. And you know I gots to be up in it.


Friday, April 11, 2003
poke a hot ass   I   panty-ass.com   I   lesbians rule

This morning I rode with some of my good buddies. I rode trails I haven't seen in a year. I rode a bike I haven't touched in months. Yeah, I had to knock out a few kinks.

I kept finding myself coming out of corners all squirrely and shit. Like, holy shit, how did that just happen? I hit everything I should have missed, like rocks and logs. And I missed everything I should have hit, like the line though each and every corner. I'm going to need a couple rides to get my sea legs back.

And, oh man, was it ever fun. Super cool day, great weather, clean air. Fuck. I can't wait to ride tomorrow.

So, how much did today hurt? Not as much as tomorrow is going to hurt. Not by a long shot.

Same for Tallous out in California apparently.

  From: Jason
Subject: RE: question
Sea Otter is underway and tonight I can barely walk. This morning, I did the TT and placed 25th but I was pissed to get passed on a downhill. I've never been passed on a downhill. I'm coasting barely hangin onto my bike and Adam Craig comes by me sitting down pedaling a full suspension Giant. Full suspension may not be a bad idea. Alfredo has a Blur built up lighter than my Chameleon. That's sick. Anyway, I rode back to the motel, changed cycling clothes and shoes, got on my road bike, and rode back to the course to race the 30+ 1,2,3 race. I'm putting in a big racing week. The road course is unbelievable. Unlike anything in AZ and these Master's guys are fast and sneaky. Everyone puts on a poker face and shows no cards. Dude, I'm a MTBiker. On lap 3, I took off by myself into the wind. I had a minute gap pretty fast and 3 guys bridged up to me so I started working it hard. Pretty soon my breakaway compadres were toast. So 8 guys caught us and I still worked till I got D R O P P E D with 5km to go. so I got 8th. Tomorrow includes two crits for me so off to bed.

I would rate this next link in the pretty fucking sick category. The rest of the site is pretty gnarly as well. You absolutely will not believe when she yanks one of her own teeth out of her head. Surf at your own risk.

Here is the latest from Hurl.

  From: Cars-R-Coffins
Subject: Charlie don't surf
Hello Foxes!

Hoi An, along the central coast of Viet Nam, is where you can currently find us. After five days in Saigon, we tired of chewing on the black rubber tires of 4 a.m. and an attempted high-speed high-jacking of my shoulder bag by two Ho Chi Minh hooligans on a scooter; we'd read about just this very thing. Sure enough, I watched the would-be bandits do a u-turn midway up the block as we were crossing the street, and suddenly felt a hard pull as the strap strained against my neck. Luckily, the bag didn't give (Ortlieb, reprazent!) as both our passports were in it. So we hopped a passenger train NE to Hue, a 17 hour ride in a "soft-seat, air-con" car which was actually not too uncomfortable, and rolled thru some rather scenic areas. Our bikes went as cargo on a separate train a day earlier, which was a bit unnerving, but there they were, waiting for us when we arrived.

Check a map if you want to pinpoint where we are:

Hue is nice enough town, but we were itching to ride our bikes. The next morning we pegged it 66.6k (666?) to Long Co and the most tranquil, quiet beach yet. Oddly, (and gladly) this isn't in our Lonely Janet Jackson guidebook. From here to Danang City is only 32k, but almost immediately upon leaving Long Co, we were climbing Hoi Van pass, a 496 metre (1500 feet) switchback masher which lasted nearly 10k, (and I remind you that we're rockin' the rock-rock on our single-speeds, our only concessions were flip-flopping our rear wheels for the climb; 34x18 & 35x20, thankyouverymuch to Surly). The road was pretty narrow in spots, and shared with all manner of exhaust-spewing Henry Ford nightmares, including local buses loaded with human cargo hanging out the sides and windows, madly cheering us on. The vistas were spectacular, and with both of us sweating like a fat man in a rubber suit we did stop to pound much water. The summit of this pass is the original gateway between the North and South, used by the Chinese, and later during the wars, the French and Americans both built fortresses here. The backside was a swinging, switchback descent, passing a pig-hauling truck, and seeing our first other cyclo-tourons of the trip, slogging up the pass the opposite direction. Danang City was quickly reached, a giant buddha on the side of the road heralded our arrival. Riding thru numerous roundabouts, Mac narrowly averting disaster in the form of a moto-bike, bicycle sandwich, the cyclist juggling his child in his lap and reaching out to grab Mac's arm to let him know of his approach, and me yelling "MAC!" most likely unnecessarily so, as these people have an easy command of matters such as these... Our guidebook sez it's only 4k to My Khe Beach (better known as 'China Beach' to GI's during the war) but the directions are anything but, and soon we're lost and heading down some rather beautiful narrow local alley, and even though we find a local fishing beach, it's not the right one, and we're getting funny looks down these narrow alleyways which while stunning in their splendor, all begin to look the same, and me beginning to let my frustration show in poor display of boyfriend behaviour which certainly leaves Mac wanting to leave me and finally a backtrack stop for sugarcane juice with beatific beautiful old woman who does not speak english, but who previously had in fact pointed us in the proper direction and so when her granddaughter shows up and tells us "My Khe Beach 5 minutes that way" (same way old woman had pointed) she playfully scolds me and I am a loser baby, so whydoncha kill me? At My Khe we get a huge dorm room to ourselves for $8, and in the morning ride the short 20k to Hoi An, and here we are.

Hoi An is a tasteful, culturally rich town, 5k inland from the sea on a bay, with wonderful art galleries featuring local water colors, oil paintings, and sketches; we have bought two paintings already. Over 200 tailors/clothes shops line the streets and vie for your business as well. Custom stuff, or exact copies of anything you want or need, for $7. Yeah, yeah, we've both purchased stuff, but enough about that. The real attraction here, in addition to being a mellow town 180 degrees from the madness of Saigon, is the food and the beer!

"Bia Hoa" is homemade beer and yesterday we found a local restaurant proudly displaying there chrome keg on the sidewalk thusly: "fresh beer! 3000 vnd/glass" Obviously, we were sold. In fact, I had seen this place a day earlier, but when trying to retrace my steps could not find it. And let me remind you that $1usd=15,000 vietnamese dong, so we're talking 20 cents per beer! Mmmm.... Bia Hoa.... The food, too, is excellent. Cao Lau is a thick, chewy flat noodle in broth, with bean sprouts, greens, crisp croutons, and slices of pork. Fried squid in chili sauce w/onion & garlic. Fresh shrimp springrolls... We hit this cafe three separate times yesterday. Today, I'm certain we will go back for more.

With one month to go, our itinerary as of now will take us back down the coast to Saigon, thru the Mekong Delta, thru lower Cambodia to Sihanoukville, then a short boat hop back into Thailand and up the coast to Bangkok. The next few days will feature multiple 120K days back-to-back-to-back. We are just now finding our riding legs, but when we come across places like Hoi An it is very difficult to immediately press on, after the desolation of Cambodia, the lushness of Vietnam is quite a stark contrast.

That's enough news for now, gotta get back into the Bia Hoa.

p.s. Don't come over here (surf punks reference for Bootsy Collins enjoyment...)

That sounds like fun. This does not. Check out Big Dave.

  From: Big Dave
Subject: lowly soldier
Well, I was "coerced" into turning my packet in here...Kuwait. Great. They yanked my security clearance and put me to work as the head count at the chow hall. 3,000 something for lunch today. My hours are shorter, so I have more time for exercise and stuff like that. I don't have as much computer time, but I have enough to converse with you guys a little.

My mom sent a bunch of stuff today. I gathered up all the excess goodies I've slowly collected (and since my greedy coworkers don't need any of it), I gave it to some Marines who where staying in BFE. They were stoked.

I have no clue what is going on in the war now. Kind of glad. I'm reading some books and the psychiatrist recommended I get counseling to deal with the "tragedies" I've been seeing and hearing at work. Whatever. I just need to get out of this army. It's a giant machine that can only be stopped by the government that is running it.

People in my unit won't look at me or they give me the evil eye. I don't think any of them took it seriously until I turned the packet in. I'm being rushed through so far, but we'll see what happens later. Pentagon has to approve last.


Thursday, April 10, 2003
teen riding her bike   I   yowza   I   veronica zemanova

Well, what do you know? I'm hanging at Snakes place up in Flagstaff this weekend. I must be getting soft down there in the desert, 'cause it's colder than a witches tit up here.

We're waiting for the Tour of Flanders coverage to come on OLN. We've got another hour to go. It's killing me.

I've already watched the Lakers beat the Kings, a very painful experience I'll tell you. Now I'm watching some tv show on drug use in America. Something about Turkish smoking parlors with hashish back in the early 1900's.

Who knew?

Fuck it, legalize all drugs for all I care. Make it all legal and tax it like tobacco and alcohol.

  From: Joey
Subject: The Re-Building Is On Track
Baghdad International Airport, just captured and re-named yesterday after being called "Saddam International Airport," has been re-named yet again as "Baghdad Halliburton Pepsi Verizon Bank One Wal-Mart" International Airport.

Ari Fleischer told reporters that all moneys for the naming rights to the airport would be held in a "special fund" for the Iraqi people that would go against the cost of their impending liberation, to be administered by Kenneth Lay, a prominent Entrepreneur-American and at-liberty friend of Mr. Bush.

In related news, Northrup/Grumman and Bechtel announced that they are spearheading an emergency airlift of modular Starbucks, Cinnabon, Burger King, Taco Bell Express, "Wok N' Roll," Fresh-Mex, Big Chill Yogurt, "Cheers" Bar & Grill, Body Shop, Disney Store, W.H. Smith, ATM World, Chili's Too, Mrs. Fields, Cookies, Pizza Hut, TCBY Treats N' Stuff, Sbarro Italian, Quizno's, Farmer In the Deli, and Grog N' Stuff Brewpub locations into BHPVBOWM International Airport.

One final note -- the former Presidential Palace just outside the airport grounds has been awarded to a cartel consisting of Hertz, Avis, Courtyard by Marriott, and LapDanceCity "Private Gentleman's Clubs"

I'm to meet Big Gay Randy and Angry Hippie tomorrow for some kind of bike ride. I'm sure they are going to friggin murder me. Something about not liking their nicknames or something.

It's going to be great.


Wednesday, April 9, 2003
milk quiz   I   sydney moon   I   lesbians rule

  From: Brian
Subject: Unsolicited feedback
Dear Sir,
As a frequent visitor to Drunk Cyclist, I was disturbed that, in your 04.08 offering, you chose to include links related to the war in Iraq in the date/header section typically reserved for smut-only content. Imagine my chagrin when, upon clicking the link to be delivered relaxing pornography, I was confronted with more disquieting information regarding America's ongoing foreign intervention. I think that this type of 'bait and switch' linking practice should be avoided by a publication of Drunk Cyclist's quality and stature.

I'll try to stay up on that. Porn only from now on. Or, at least porn oriented stuff.

So, you feeling lucky are ya?

Go fly a kite.

  From: David
Subject: Secret Code
"George Dubya Bush got a coded message from Saddam that read: '370HSSV-0773H'," an official said.
"Bush was stumped and sent for the CIA. The CIA also had no answer, so it was sent to Bill Clinton. Hem suggested turning it upside down."


A quote from Sean, and it's a good one.

  "To announce that there must be no criticism of the president, or that we are to stand by the president, right or wrong, is not only unpatriotic and servile, but is morally treasonable to the American public." -Teddy Roosevelt

Another Wednesday, another ride up Mt. Lemon with that Bastard Justin. He took it easy on my today, relatively, as he rode a tandem with Big M on the back. I think he saved the hurting for her.

I lucked out I guess.

The wind today was a mother fucker. Just horrible. 15 mph one way across town, working hard, and 23 on the way back soft pedaling. Good times.

The big gear on the tandem is a 60 x 11. As you can imagine, Justin rode me off his wheel. I could sit back there at 38 mph, spinning the shit out of a 53 x 12. But, when he dialed it up over 40, I was toasted. Just toasted.

So that was my day, pretty much. Wind, climb, suffer, come on home.

A couple more letters and I'll be wrapping this one up. To much good stuff not to post at least some of it.

  From: Erik
Subject: Patriotic Rants
Am writing re your latest rant on patriotism and speaking truth to power, or, calling bullshit on the man, or whatever else you want. I'm American (well, actually half Canadian) and I too like a lot of things about this country. I live here, I was born here (it's not my fault that I'm half Canadian...;->). All I can say to is I hope like hell you keep expressing your opinions, that you keep calling bullshit on what you see the gub'ment doing, and that you keep your web sit going. You have a bully pulpit -- admittedly gained by drawing in unsuspecting lonely-assed cyclists (which, if you're a hard core cyclist, chances are you're also lonely, given the nature of the job) in search of a good time -- and at this juncture in history you damn well better be using it to speak 'truth to power" (okay, I'm killing that phrase through overuse).

There's an epochal change taking place as the US moves from democracy to empire (or, from republic to fascism) these days. Are we going to sit back and be snowed by the rhetoric of 'patriotism' or try to keep hope alive. It's ironic in a way that you would write this column on the anniversary of MLK's assassination -- I was actually around for that (admittedly I was all of 8 yo) and I remember my parents (who were hard core civil rights and anti-war activists) going rather ballistic that such a thing could happen in this country. Well, such a thing is happening now on a world level -- it's not just the assassination of a leader, but the assassination of our liberty, of who and what we are as humans, of the notion of humanity that chartered the UN in the first place, of the notion of equality that spurred MLK and so many others on, of the notion of democracy that this country was founded on.

You're doing the right thing here Jonny, those a-holes who don't like it can go jerk off at the porn. Don't silence yourself, don't back down. Act now as if History is watching you. Because it is, it is watching all of us, and someday every single one of us will have to answer the question "whose side are you on my friend, whose side are you on?", and it will be a power far greater than that of a ruthless, bloodthirsty fascistic government that will be wanting the answer.

And now I'll just be on my way.

I think I've already linked this chickenhawk flash movie. But, just in case I haven't, check it out. Pretty funny.

Big role urged for oil firms after war.

  From: Ken Y.
Subject: RE: suggestions for a new rant
I saw another show where they covered how France had some multimillion dollar contracts w/ Iraq (can't remember for what now). Russia also did for work on the oil wells (multimillion dollar contract signed just before the war) and were trying to persuade the US and UN that those contracts were valid even after a regime change :-)

I have a pretty low opinion of the UN. They can be stalemated by one country (France w/ their veto is an example) and take forever to make a decision. Can't remember where I read another story on how the UN was formed to prevent people like Hitler from gaining power rather than to take care of humanitarian stuff.

I also don't agree w/ having the US go in and set up a puppet government. Might be another good topic for a rant: what next after the war?

My personal opinion? Set up managers for each town for a few years to manage the infrastructure repair. Let each town choose their manager. Have them meet monthly to work out what to do w/ the country. Get a voting system in place within a year or two and let each town vote for a leader. Don't have a president for a few years. Maybe they'll learn to work together as a team instead of trying to take over the country. Maybe they'll even write up their own Constitution and BOR instead of abusing the crap out of their own citizenry :-P

The French may be a bunch of wacko's. But, so are most of the people I've met in New Jersey, Wyoming and the Dakotas as far as I'm concerned. (I am so going to catch hell for that) And we still allow them to participate in Congress, elections, etc.

You see what I'm getting at? Just because you don't agree with, understand or relate to someone, doesn't mean you can, or should, exclude them from the democratic process. It's the collection of different peoples, cultures and ideas that creates this great compromise, this democracy.

I feel the UN may well have some problems, but it's a collection of the worlds leading countries, and therefore, I believe, the best option we've got. This "coalition of the willing" is a bunch of good time buddies that are in it for their own self interests, if not outright cash. For whatever the reasons, France felt they should use their veto powers against the use of military force in Iraq. They had a vote, and that is how they chose to lay it down. I still can't believe people voted for Bush.

France, or more exactly, French companies, may have made a couple of bucks off Iraq. Now it seems like we are poised to do just the same thing. Make money, and a lot of it, off Iraq.

And, how in hell did Haliburton get in on these reconstruction projects? Something about that deal ain't right. Illegal? I don't know. But, if the Clinton/Whitewater deal was enough to arouse suspicions, this ought to be setting of alarms as well.

And what the hell is up with these "hand picked" leaders we're setting up to run Iraq?

That simply cannot be a good idea. That is not a democracy. That is a puppet government.

I think I like you're idea for self government more than anything I'm hearing on CNN today.

  From: Steve Hampsten
Subject: Press release
HAMPSTEN CYCLES

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
APRIL 8, 2003

The Spring Classics and Steel Framesets – Andy Hampsten Comments

Seattle, WA – For many professional racers and avid cycling fans, the Tour de France comes second to the northern Classics of April. The Tour of Flanders, Paris-Roubaix, La Fleche Wallone and Liege-Bastogne-Liege take in the cobbles, abrupt hills and nasty spring weather of Belgium, bicycle racing’s spiritual home. These brutal one-day events test riders’ limits with 200-plus kilometers of racing over the most treacherous roads known to competitive cycling – if it’s dry, you’re eating dust all day, and if it’s wet, you find yourself in a six-hour cyclocross race. There are no easy victories here.

Such competition demands the absolute most of man and machine. No surprise that for many years steel reigned supreme as the frame material of choice in these big races, even after most of the peloton had moved toward aluminum on smoother courses. Nothing can match the reassuring feel of steel during a long, rough day in the saddle. A few riders still insist on a steel frameset for the northern Classics.

Andy Hampsten has seen the best and worst of both the big tours and the one-day spring Classics. His ride over snowbound Gavia Pass in the 1988 Tour of Italy, which secured his overall victory in the race that year, remains one of the great hard-man feats in cycling.

Of the big spring races, Andy says, "There’s really no comparing the classics to the big tours. In a stage race, you have multiple opportunities both to put time into your opponents and to blow it. In the classics, it all comes down to a few key moments – either you make the break or you don’t, or maybe you puncture once too often on the pave and your race is over. I think this is why lots of guys have been reluctant to give up steel framesets for these races. Steel is something they know they can trust and that’s not going to let them down by breaking or pounding them senseless on rough roads. I still like steel for a long day of riding. It just feels good."

Hampsten Cycles produces lively, modern steel framesets that retain the classic qualities of steel while incorporating the lighter weight and greater strength of newer alloys. The SuperTuscan was Hampsten’s first product and remains their most popular; the UltraLight was introduced last year to take advantage of True Temper's new S3 tubeset. Both frames are tig-welded by local Seattle builder Dave Levy and employ geometry that expresses Andy’s years of hard lessons learned in the world’s great bike races. The frames are built from a mix of True Temper and Dedaccai tubing, with the SuperTuscan weighing just over three and a half pounds and the UltraLight half a pound less. The SuperTuscan is a do-it-all high performance steel bike that will provide years of service to any rider; the UltraLight is designed as the ultimate steel racing machine for riders under 200 pounds.

Steve Hampsten, Andy’s brother and partner in Hampsten Cycles, likes the company’s steel framesets but is more excited about how these bikes fit into the broad spectrum of Hampsten’s lineup. "What I think sets us apart from other American bike companies," says Steve, "is that we offer top quality, race-ready framesets in every important configuration: welded steel, lugged steel, aluminum, titanium and carbon fiber. No other U.S. maker offers the same range – what’s more, we also build custom. And we don’t sell anything that we don’t think is absolutely breathtaking and that Andy and I wouldn’t ride ourselves. We’re certainly not in this for the money. We love bikes and that’s why we want to be in the bike business. And we want that love to be reflected in every frame we put our name on."

All I can say is 'steel is real'. Check out www.hampsten.com.


Tuesday, April 8, 2003
sydney moon   I   zdenka   I   this fucking sucks

Ah, what else is there to life besides good friends, sunny days and a bike that works?

I think perhaps the answer is nothing at all.

So, here's to the good life my friends.

Open beer. Empty contents into mouth. Repeat.

Leave it to Response to come up with this one.

  From: Response
Subject: War and Stuff
I have been watching the war for a while now. I think that people are missing the important stuff, like what about our participation? I am watching the Iraqi's and Syrians, marching up and down the streets with their rifles held high, shouting, burning Bush Dolls and what not. I was thinking to myself, "I could do better than that". I want to skank up and down the street with a rifle and a Karaoke machine strapped to my back. Chugging beer, doing some freestyle slam dancing whilst dropping a few WWF moves on a burning Saddam dummy. Get the crowd pistol whipped into a frenzy with live bands on flat bed trucks with a few low rider M-1 tanks decked out in fresh graffiti and g-string dancers riding those big cannons. Now if they saw a few hundred thousand of us doing this, they would probably shit their pants and realize that we are crazier fucks than they ever dreamed of being. The psychological impact would cripple them and render then unable to fight. Then we could have all the tasty oil that we could stand without losing a single life with the exception of those who might get there asses whooped at the aforementioned freestyle riot...

I've been hearing Saddam may be dead from getting four bombs the size of a Volkswagen Beetle dropped on his ass. Well, I guess that would be it then. The end.

Now we get to put what was his country back together. This is going to take years. Good times.

Quote from Cyclingnews.com: --When Van Petegem was away with Vandenbroucke, the latter put in an attack on the Bosberg to try and secure a solo victory. "I didn't think he was that good," said van Petegem. "I realized he was very strong when he attacked on the Bosberg. I had just ridden up the whole climb when Frank accelerated. I really had to bite the handlebars to stay on his wheel."--

Yeah baby, check that out. Biting the handlebars. You think that effort hurt?

He he, whoa. I'll bet it was about the hardest thing he's ever done!

Bring on Roubaix!

Now, this is what I call bike porn. Cool stuff. There is a guy here in Tucson with one hell of a collection. I saw some of it out at the 24 Hours in the Old Pueblo race a year back. Dude rode a lap on each of 10 bikes through the whole event.

Very, very cool stuff.

The politically flavored email is coming in fast and furious. These are some of the best. I'm tearin the tops off Shiners like nobody's business tonight and I wanted to pretty much just posted the ones where my ego gets stroked. But, pride would not allow such a selection. So, first up, Ken knocks me into next week.

  From: Ken
Subject: I like you, I like your site, but enough already…
I really liked your sight prior to the war. A web page with bikes, boobs and booze was a great way to reflect on what I liked and help provide some perspective when customers were breathing down my neck. After all, bikes and beer are cathartic and porn certainly is in 3 minute intervals.

Since the onset of the war however, you seem to have gotten away from bikes and booze (thanks for keeping the porn) and focused more on your political viewpoints. I support your right to do that. It's your site and you can do what you damn well please. On the other hand, I've stopped hitting your site every day. I've stopped hitting your links to drive up your hits. Not because I don't like you or your site, but because I'm waiting out the war in order for you to focus on bikes, booze and porn.

The war in Iraq furthers US foreign policy. It also protects us from the potential of a grave and serious attack on our soil. Anyone who would disagree with that has either been living in a vacuum for the past 13 years, or is too young to remember the first Gulf War.

The United States' past foreign policies had either supported or turned a blind eye toward the evil (however you define that word) of the current Iraqi regime. Just like our foreign policy (or lack of foreign policy) helped promote Hilter's rise to power. Hilter killed 6 million people in his march toward a master race. Hussein has killed approximately 2 million people in his quest for Middle East domination.

Big Dave. This is kind of a touchy subject, but he is talking way over his head regarding issues and events based on what he believes to be facts, rather than presenting empirical data to support his beliefs. He has every right to his beliefs, but it's important to understand that he chose to enter the military. He wasn't forced to do so. He didn't join to avoid prison. He walked in to the recruiter's office, signed up on his own free will. He read the information regarding his commitment to the government, he went to the MEPS station and took his entrance exam. Some time later, he hopped on a plane and went to basic training. He had plenty of time to determine that he didn't want to be in the military.

He knew walking in the door what the mission of his particular branch of service. There weren't any big secrets that they kept from him. The primary purpose of the military, when it all boils down, is to go to war and kill the enemy. Anyone who didn't realize this when they volunteered is either too stupid to tie their own shoes, or they have lived been spending my tax dollars based on their commitment when they signed up. If Dave doesn't want to live up to his end of the contract he signed, that's his choice. I want him to give me back my tax money.

I didn't want to go to war during the first Gulf War. I would have preferred to continue to receive a pay check from the government, rack up some credit for toward my GI Bill, taken Terminal Leave based on time off that I accrued in anticipation of my honorable discharge. That would have been a really sweet deal for me. Unfortunately, Sadam didn't know about my plans and he invaded Kuwait. My leave was denied. I received a really nice letter from the Department of Defense that informed me that "due to the high attrition rate in your career field, we are exercising our option to continue your active duty commitment until such a time when the United States no longer requires your position". Nice, huh? I didn't bitch about it though. I signed a contract with the government and they were calling in their portion of the agreement. I gathered up my shit, walked through a shot line at the hospital, called my parents, hopped on a plane. Next stop Saudi Arabia! Woo Hoo!! Unlike Dave though, I saw first hand the horrific capabilities of the Iraqi government:
http://www.kdp.pp.se/chemical.html

Germany - $49 billion
France - $38 billion
Russia - $409 billion
This is the annual revenue that each of these countries generate from dealing with the current Iraqi government. Of course they object to the war and the removal of the current regime. I would too if I stood to lose $38,000,000,000.00 in annual revenue.

The contention that we are in Iraq for oil is absurd. Iraq hasn't been a factor in oil supply for over 12 years. As numerous people have studies have pointed out, it would be far cheaper for the US to simply buy oil on the open market rather than "going to war over oil". Idiots and pinheads can contend all they like that this statement is wrong and that there is some hidden agenda. Perhaps there is, but until someone can present some evidence, it's simply a person's opinion. The fact of the matter is that a direct on indirect benefit drive most decisions. There is absolutely no "oil benefit" to going to war with Iraq. Unless someone can present a benefit tied to facts and substantiated data, this argument should have been moot a long time ago.

There are multiple spins and multiple perspectives on the war. There are multiple opinions and multiple perceptions on our foreign policies. We also live in a country that allows us to express these opinions. Who's right and who's wrong? Should we or should we not be in Iraq? I don't think anyone really knows at this point. I do know that I liked your site because you focused on bikes, booze and porn.

When the war is over, I'll check back in for my daily fix of BB&P. Until then, ride drink and masturbate in peace and keep doing whatever you want to do with your site. It's yours and if people don't like it, they can fuck right off and go somewhere else. If I make it up to RAGBRAI, I'll find you and buy you many beers for the support you've provided me for advocacy.

Solid hit. I'm still standing. Open another Shiner. Tilt back head. Pour. Swallow. Fuck.

  From: Peter
Subject: No Subject
Great Site- Politics and cycling are not mutually exclusive. I personally believe the war is wrong and we are motivated by self interest and the desire to show the world our military moxy. The reality of the situation is far more complex and sinister than many "good Americans" could ever wrap their minds around. As we "cycle" through our historical glide path to inevitable irrelevancy (500 years away?) we will demonstrate the inability to have power and not use it. Our current phase is that of a young and self confident man who believes in his own invincibility and we will continue to practice our serial hegemony like that young stud practices his serial monogamy. The best the informed minority can do is jump up and down and let people know all Americans think with the "one mind."
ABB 2004 (Anybody But Bush)

Keep up the good work!

Yeah baby, I'll try. Open beer, tilt back head, chug.

  From: Jeff
Subject: The war…
Hey man
I would just like to say that all the people out there who are pissed off at you for saying bad stuff about the war should learn to shut the fuck up and accept other people's opinions. The whole "America: Love it or leave it" shit is retarded. People should be able to speak out against anything that is wrong in their mind. Which leads me to another thing that is really pissing me off right now: CNN's new slogan :"CNN, the most trusted name in news". I've stopped believing everything that channel tells me because it all sounds like propaganda to me. It seems like everything that is a big influence in my life is for the war and I live in Canada! Even my teachers seem to have been brainwashed and think hat the war is just a big game. They tell me that if a disagree with them that would mean I am supporting Iraq and that I'm wrong. I've been told by one of my war-supporting teachers that the reason I think the war is wrong because I'm just a "uneducated, arrogant 14- year old"
I feel better now.

With uneducated, arrogant 14 year olds like Jeff coming up in the ranks I feel we are in good hands. Keep up the good work, my young friend.

Open another beer, think about how badly that Bastard Justin is going to hurt me tomorrow and shrug it off. Glug, glug, glug.

  From: steph
Subject: politics and shit
Hey Big Jonny. I am just writing to tell you that I think your site is a great balance between politics and other stuff. Keep up the good fight, I feel badly for you thinking Americans, being pigeonholed as unpatriotic, sheesh. If anything, there isn't enough talk on your site about booze! (this is where I work:vanislandbrewery.com)
Well that's it for now, bye!

That's where you work? Open beer, empty contents into mouth. Burp. What a coincidence, this is what I'm drinking.

I suppose you're wondering what one has to do with the other? Well, nothing at all. But, the gauntlet has been thrown. And, tonight, we drink!

There was a 24 hour race this weekend, and this is a race report. You send 'em I post 'em. Spanky is so serious. Serious. And fast. Here is picture of his team on the podium. It's on someone's AOL account of all things. I'll bet it gets burned down by 4:30.

It's a good thing I've been drinking. Heavily.

  From: spanky
Subject: 24 Hours of Adrenaline race report
The 24hrs of Adrenalin and the (Bad Luck) Bonty 5

Oh, where do I start? So much to remember, so many fuzzy memories. The 24hrs of Adrenalin crew rolled into town last weekend to host a race on the Mc Dowell Mt. race loop (same venue which held the Nova Classic race a couple weeks ago). I got a call last week asking if I wanted to be on a 5man team put together by the man, the legend, Mr. Keith Bontrager. I’d never met him before but his name is recognized world wide as an Icon of the industry I love so much. What else do you say but HELL YEAH!

So, in true DC style, we finally put together our team and entered a couple days before the event. My teammates consisted of Keith Bontrager (team captain), Colin McKernan, Jason Spencer, Dejay Birtch, and myself (Kyle Bielenberg). (Ok, so it was a little on the stacked side, those of you who don’t know these are some of the fastest Single Speed, Exp. and Semi-pro riders in the state and one legend) At about 10:00am day of the race our team starts rolling into the pits, yeah were a little late, but 2hrs is plenty of time to get prepared for a 24hr race. We all meet and discuss which sorry son of a bitch has to go first and do the Lemonade start. What do you know, it’s me…again. Seriously guys, I don’t like doing it, I just do it for the photo op.

It seems we have a problem with our team captain though. Before Keith flew out of California to come here on Fri. his nose started bleeding… bad. Were not talking a normal nosebleed, were talking uncontrolled spewing of blood from the nose. This poor bastard has been bleeding for a day straight, got blood all over his shirt, pant’s, and shoes. He has already been to the Dr. twice to get it cauterized and it didn’t work. He looks like he’s been in a car wreck, a little pale, little bit dizzy, blood everywhere. He tells us to start the race and he’s going to the Dr. one more time to try and get it fixed. No problem we tell him, got 4 of the strongest riders in AZ, we’ll just win it for you… but you have to finish one lap or we get disqualified.

Being damn close to noon, its time to get to the fucking start line. So I jump into my DC colors, take a couple swigs of crack in the can (a.k.a. Rockstar… think Redouble but twice the size and strength) and I’m ready to throw down. We line up and I guess they are offering some free shoes to the male and female winners of the Lemond start, oooh goodie! The gun go’s off and some freaks jump out to the lead wearing running shoes! WTF! I chase after them, but know I have a lap to put in so I’m pretty happy running in 5th. We get to the transition tent (very narrow area with the bikes hanging) and the motherfuckers who were chasing after the shoes stop dead in their tracks to change their shoes and grab water. "Get the fuck out of my way dipshits, before I run your ass over", I push through and grab the bike, what do you know I’m now in the lead. I take to the trail like a virgin to a whorehouse with a fist full of condoms. I’ve raced this trail enough times to know it like the back of my hand. But there is only one problem; the Nova Classic race has totally destroyed the trail. There are braking bumps the size of Anna Nicole’s ass, every berm and corner are blown to shit, and the washes are now about a 1’ deep of loose sand. Fuck me this course sucks ass, and the 20mph headwind isn’t making it any more enjoyable. After about 42 min of this bullshit I’m coming back through the start finish area with no one in sight, yeah I’m still in first. That’s right, the guy who was up till 1am drinking, pushing one gear, and wearing the Drunk Cyclist jersey, just schooled an entire field of 24hr racers.

I hand of to Colin, and send him off into the wind. He doesn’t get more than a mile and flats, the bad luck we had with Keith has continued. Colin still manages to pull a pretty good time and hands off to Dejay who proceeds to rock out a nice lap but not without his own issues. He manages to break off the main strap on his Sidi shoe and could not pull up on his right foot or it would come out, he’s on a SS too so you can imagine how difficult this is. Jason is our next man out, turns in a good time, but he somehow manages to flat not far into the lap as well. I’m seeing a pattern here and not liking it. Since Keith is still at the ER trying to get his damn nose to stop bleeding, it’s my turn again. Whoa, wind’s have really picked up and seem to be blowing into your face from all directions. This may not be as fun as we had first thought. When I come back in and check the result’s, in 5 laps we have managed to put a 23min lead on 2nd place! We get back to the pits and start talking about our laps and bull shitting about other stuff, when some chick runs up to our campsite screaming, "Colin double flatted and needs tubes!" Oh shit! What the hell do we do?!? Dejay was half ready, so we tossed him a few extra tubes and a pump, and pushed him out of the tent. We had to cancel Colin’s lap before Dejay could start, and he was already 30min into his lap, so we were now 15min or so behind first place.

Finally some good news! Keith shows up after spending the last few hours sitting in the ER. There only solution/answer was to shot his nose full of anesthetic, then grease up some cotton about the size of a tampon and jam it up his nose till it stopped, tape it shut and call it good. He now wanted to race. This crazy fool who couldn’t breath out of his nose, still doped up on drugs, having dizzy spells from the pint of blood he had lost, and twice the age of any of us, wanted to go put in a lap now. Ok, if you think you can do it? I handed off to him and wished him good luck; his first lap was at dusk. Probably the worst lap of the race because you eyes have to adjust to so many different light levels, compounded by the fact that he had never ridden the course, we were just praying he would survive and not come back with the medics. The dude comes back in with a 47 minute lap time equaling if not beating some of our fastest laps, who is he superman?!?

Now that we are officially a 5 man team and it will count if we win, its time to start winning. Each one of us is trying to one up the other guy and I really think it’s starting to hurt us. Every time we gain a couple minutes we loose twice as much to a mechanical. I’m tired of Colin’s flats so it’s time to introduce him to the world of tubeless tires, we take him over to Tall Paul and the Mavic boys and they round him up a set of super nice X Max tubeless. I still don’t know how he did it but he manages to blow the fucking tire right of the rim! No holes, no punctures, no pinch flats, on a flat section of trail he blows one whole bead off the rim! WTF?!? Is the dark angel of death looming over our team for a reason? We are now in 3rd, I think the other teams are starting to capitalize on our mechanicals. Oh, it’s not over yet boys and girls. I go out on my first night lap, and manage to crash trying to push it in the rocks on the long loop. No big deal, but there is nothing like a little road rash to wake you up. About 2-3am we are starting to move our way back up the board, I caught second place due to a light problem. Of course Colin goes out the next lap and his light dies. Lap after that Dejay has a rock come off his rear tire and snap one of his seat rails. Some where around dawn we move our way back into 1st and start having clean fast laps. Its funny, the only one who’s had no issues, is Keith, this guy is a fucking machine! With about 2hrs to go we finally had our original lead back to about 25min, a little bit of a comfort zone but not much knowing our luck thus far. Now the competition began, it was time to see who could pull the fastest lap. Dejay started it, when he switched over to his geared bike and pulled down a 42. Then it was Jason’s turn and he turned it up a notch with a 41. Keith wanted to join in on the fun and threw down a 45, impressive to say the least and equal to my last lap time.

Then it was Colin, Our last rider. With 15min before noon we didn’t need to send anyone out because of a half hour lead. But why just sit around and drink and win by a couple minutes when you have the chance to really earn it. Maybe it was just because he finally rode off the mechanical curse, maybe he had something to prove, maybe it was just for bragging rights, and maybe he just wanted the free wheel set. Whatever it was Colin went out and pulled an amazing 40min lap out of his ass, good enough for the fastest lap time of the entire race and a free Mavic wheel set. That’s it, 30 bone jarring laps in 24hrs 29min. One of the most painful, stressful, and competitive 24hr event’s I’ve ever done. I can’t wait for the chance to do it all over again. Thanks go out to all my teammates, our support crew, and especially Keith Bontrager for making it all possible

Until next time, ride fast and take chances…


Monday, April 7, 2003
dana   I   heather   I   ice

Three links worth noting right off the top. Extreme ironing is off the hook. This is a rate my huck screensaver. Pretty cool. And this is what happens when democracy fails.

It is a letter sharing kind of morning. I've got miles of 'em. Lets start out with the slightly less than positive email. Oh yeah, you knew it was coming after Saturdays little rant.

  From: Jeff
Subject: No Subject
Enough already. I get a kick out of much of what is on your site, but the political crap has to go. The good news is that your opinion is the vast minority, and most of the rest of the country realizes that we cannot live in a vacuum with our heads in the sand. Despite the battle cries of professional protesters, It isn't about the oil, if it was, we would just have stayed in Kuwait and kept the black gold. As far as self esteem and foreign relations, we happen to be the 800 lb gorilla, both economically and defensively. The rest of Europe should be concerned about how we view them. The only reason France and Germany are so pissed at us is that they realize that we have rendered them politically insignificant. Please get back to writing about what you do understand..singlespeeding.

I appreciate you taking the time to write me. I'm not sure I agree with you that France and Germany have been rendered politically insignificant by our large military. We may well be the 800 pound gorilla, but that doesn't necessarily mean we should act like a gorilla.

And single speeding is pretty straightforward. One gear, rigid fork; just pedal. No clicky, no boingy; just shreddy.

  From: Elliot
Subject: No Subject
come on dude I love ur site but I don’t like it wen u say we have a bad presidency im a shamed that a man that has such a great site has a bad point of veiw about the war

I can't say I'm a fan of George Bush, or his whole agenda. I don't see much in the way of positives coming out of the White House these days.

Our economy is heading down the toilet. Rapidly. Our federal deficit is growing a frightening rate, and with the baby boomer generation coming up to full retirement status, things are about to get real ugly. As in, how in the world are we going to pay for all this?

I don't think us kicking the crap out of a couple of god forsaken middle eastern countries is doing much for for the country. Its like we're invading Illinois. I mean, c'mon, of course we're winning. There is no other outcome.

No disrespect meant to the fine people of Illinois. I'm sure they're all badass and proud. But, what the fuck are they going to do against the strongest military in the world? Fight? For how long?

So don't be ashamed. I'm just an asshole with a little corner of the internet to paint up my graffiti. I just do what I do.

This email comes from across the pond. Think of it as a world perspective. Or, at least, one perspective from somewhere other than here.

  From: Tyrone
Subject: Thanks
Hi there
Just a quick thank you for keeping my faith that there are many Americans who are dismayed at what is happening to their country. I worked in the US in 89 and we were welcomed by our neighbours and enjoyed the experience so much - mainly due to the attitude and friendship shown to us by the people. We returned to the UK and whenever I encountered negative comments about the States I would try and explain that there were far more positives about the country and its people that outweighed the negatives. And then the present administration arrived, and slowly it has all gone tits up. We have to put up with Blair over here, which is bad enough, but it must be worse for you. I get the impression that you don't give a toss when some of your fellow Americans criticise your views. There are many people all over the world who feel the same as you. One day we will get our collective voice heard.

Yes. Some day our collective voices will be heard. Some day.

Truth be told, when I get slammed in countless emails, and even sometimes in person, I don't so much feel bad for me. I don't take it personally. I more just feel bad for all of us, and for my country. I wonder sometimes just what the fuck people are thinking. It's like when a car swerves at you and tries to push you off the road when you're out in your road bike. Does the person driving realize that they could kill me?

I have assume that they don't realize they are about to murder me. They just want to scare me, or something along those lines. I can't deal with the reality of someone trying to kill because I'm wearing lycra. It may well be true, but I choose to not believe it.

Also, I'm forced to conclude that those of us who think killing Iraqis is all fine and dandy because they're just Iraqis after all, aren't really thinking about what they are saying. I have to believe that if people really sat down and thought about what we're doing as a country, that they'd come to another conclusion.

But, as it stands, spoon fed sound bites tell us that we are just, that we are right, that we are saving the world from evil. We're in the right, they are in the wrong, and we will win. That we must enforce UN resolutions, and if the UN doesn't like it, we can just ignore them 'cause they're just bitter "Old Europe". Hell, we might even leave the UN, pull up and leave, like it's a campsite we've had enough of and not the collective voice of all civilization on the planet.

And we all follow like so many sheep.

  From: stewdog
Subject: biggie size dave
yo big john,
I love that stuff from big dave, man it's great to hear updates and opinions from a guy thats actually in the action, and not shit from some news station who's run by george dubya's first cousin (fox news media, lead the 00' election crisis by saying the count was over and bush had won when it had barely started. all of this because Jeb had told his first cousin [head of fox news] to run the story, of course as not to be seen as out of date or slow every single other media group copied the story) but i could go on and i don't want to do that.
I also wanted to say there are other 'mericans that share your opinion, give them shoutouts too man, remember you Aren't the only red white and blue that doesn't have his head stuck up his ass. man i love this country more than anybody but i have a few bones to pick with the government. props to your foreign friends pal they kickass. lets all get together sometime for some french fries.
thanks man, stewdog. peace out

Baby, you are absolutely right. Big Dave impresses the shit outta me. I've never met the man, but I feel like I've grown to know him quite well these past few weeks. I wonder if he likes french fries?

True Blue, baby. True Blue.

And just to show I care, I'll post a fine letter by one our fellow Americans stateside, a fellow traveler if you will. And then I'll post the latest from biggie size Dave.

  From: Evil Sov
Subject: Right on Brotha!
Goddam Jonny, you hit the fuckin' nail on the head today. When are people going to realize that opposing this fucking charade of a President doesn't mean we support the Iraqi leadership, fucking Osama bin Ladin, or clubbing baby seals? And of all the people I know who oppose our country's foreign policies from within, not one of them wishes harm or ill on any of the folks who serve in our military. Shit, I've got nothing but respect for people who make it their goal in life to protect my liberty and for those who've done it in the past. I just don't see that our current course of action in the world does anything but JEOPARDIZE my liberty.

Keep up the righteous work! Politics and cycling mix as well as liquor and cycling!

Right on Sov, can't wait to see your ugly ass again and pop some tops. Remember, permanent ragbrai. Free your mind and your ass will follow.

  From: Big Dave
Subject: make up for some time here
This has been a wonderful journey for me. I gave up a lifestyle that I dream of living again soon to do something for myself, my wife, and the country. After a while, I realize that what the government does for our country isn't always the best thing. I start to learn more about this after Sept.11. Lots of dark stuff going on. I get to hear a little bit more about it than the average American just because of my job.

So here I am in Kuwait, watching the children of America fight this war over evil. At least that's the way my father sees it. Yes, Sadaam is a bad dude. We all know that. But if you really look at how and why he got to be the way he is, then you start pointing fingers at Reagan, Bush #1, and Clinton. Clinton was probably the worst because he had a chance to help the Kurds take him out. And yes, we (all of you cyclist out there at least) all know that this is about oil. Just look at how well we kept all those oil wells from catching fire. Too bad we didn't have any refugee camps set up. We ended up putting most of the people that fled their cities in POW camps - if they really needed food and shelter. The humanitarian aid is making its way in and that's good.

So this war gets going and people start dying on both sides. I'm listening to massive amounts of bombs being dropped as well as plenty of depleted uranium being used to destroy light trucks. Good stuff. I've tried to keep a light heart about all this, but it's just too much. The planet is crying in Iraq today and it will cry more as time goes by. Soldiers who have been handling all the DU ammo and have to repair the tanks with DU armor will start getting sick here soon. More kids in Iraq will be born with birth defects. Farms will be contaminated with DU dust. There is a lot more that I can't tell you about.

I here missiles flying over head and I get interviewed by CNN as they do a documentary. I feel relief when the A10's hit the persistent launcher in Basra with a missile.

Then I get real angry. I wish bad things on those who do what they think is right for America. I get angry at my lame chaplain who tries to be a cheerleader for this war by quoting old testament scripture. I get angry at those who do not distinguish between Iraqi civilians and Sadaam's fighters. They are all Iraqi's to those guys. I get angry when I hear about how a general doesn't care about how many soldiers he loses. And I get angry when I hear someone say they just want to set foot on Iraqi soil so they can say they we part of the war. But most of all.....I get angry at myself. Why did I let it go this far?

I let it go this far because I was selfish. I wanted a better way of life for me and my wife, and I realized that I was doing it at the expense of the lives of many Iraqi's. So I figure out for sure that I'm a conscientious objector. I spend some time hammering out an application to get myself out of all of this. Then I slow down, talk it over with others, and realize that there's not much I can do about it now.

So let me take you through a series of events.

I told my immediate chain of command. They understood. A couple were pissed, but they understood. I'm a non-violent dude. I just want everyone in the world to be able to ride their bikes and be happy. Later that afternoon, I tell my First Sergeant and my battery Commander (BC). The BC is the one who makes the choice on whether or not I can be a CO. Both of those shitbags lose their shit. I'm for sure they would have hit me if my SGT. Major hadn't been there. I look at them like...whatever.

I worked all night on my packet. The next day I go to a chaplain. I don't tell him my dilemma. I just start telling him my story. He cries with me during parts of my story. He enlightens me on many things. He makes it easy for me to verify that I am truly a CO. So I finish the packet. I decide to let others read it. They all agree. I'm a CO. A colonel with 27 years, he cries. Another col. tries to instill "war pride" in me when he asks how I will feel when I tell my nieces and nephews that I was a CO.

So people are compassionate with me. Others can't look me in the eye. My immediate supervisor asks me how I would feel if we went into Iraq. I tell him that I would be more comfortable going in with civilian clothes on and an outstretched hand offering help to those who need it. He tells me I need to turn in my packet.

The officers in my unit tell me to ride this one out. I'm on the toilet, no sense breaking it off early. It's sometimes too messy when you do that. So I decide to wait. It will be easier when I get home. I will be able to prepare better for all the stuff I need to do. And they will see that it is not combat stress that I am feeling. Not that I'm really in combat. I still feel like I'm in prison.

Now the funny stuff begins. And I'll share all that later. Man the army is a selfish place.

P.S. Do you guys think the terror alert would be HIGH if we weren't over here squashing Muslims?


Sunday, April 6, 2003
sydney moon   I   um, duh   I   duh, um

The Snake in again gracing my living room with his fine presence. Yesterday in Tucson, we had the Colassal Cave road race. And wouldn't ya know it, Snake won it with a last lap attack. As in he soloed the whole last lap.

I saw that Bastard Justin put in a lions share of work out there as well. That guy rode himself into the ground. Also Brian, who has no nickname yet, and DN were mentioned heavily by Snake. It's guys like that, that help you win races.

It's Valley Bike Week.

  From: Scott
Subject: Bike Week
In Celebration of the Bicycle (or any other self-propelled transportation)

Tomorrow (Saturday, April 5th) Bikeweek begins. The small number of pro-bicycle members of our city governments have worked hard to schedule a handful of official events designed to get people out of their cars and on to the bike paths for a few hours. This is all in an attempt to convince the general single occupancy vehicle (SOV) driving public that bicycling really is an alternative mode of transportation, and not just for kids. The hope is that a few more people will decide to utilize the nice bike paths scattered randomly around the valley (concentrated mostly in Tempe) after bike week is over. Another hope is that voting citizens will be more inclined to support legislation and city/state plans that makes cyclists (most of whom are children) less likely to get plowed down by ignorant drivers. In an effort to help see those hopes and dreams become a reality, we should all support Bikeweek and convince others to as well.
If you are reading this message, you are most likely part of the small percentage of the populace that is both capable and willing to make a positive change on the urban environment in which we live. You already know that reducing the amount that we drive internal combustion vehicles will reduce pollution, reduce our use of non-renewable resources, reduce the number of traffic deaths, reduce the desire for US leaders to wage war on middle eastern countries or drill for oil in our public lands, reduce the control that oil and auto manufacturing companies have over our lives, and fight the trend of unhealthy living so prevalent among Americans today. Americans drive cars because they have been tricked into it by conspiring forces that have been at work for decades. From GM's illegal purchase and dismantling of the urban light rail systems in the 1930's to the constant barrage of car ads in the media, we are being attacked on all sides by corporations wanting us all to drive SOV's everywhere every day so that we have to work as many hours as possible in order to afford the newest biggest vehicle and buy all the gas it takes to run it. In short, we're screwed. The only forces acting to counteract those corporations are the ones that are killing us. Global warming, cancer, and societal problems are the only things that are going to stop us from driving. Oh, that and the few percent of us that break from the norm and decide to try and make the world a better place.
The plans for Bikeweek are happy events aimed at making small changes in the attitude of the public without causing any inconvenience. I believe that this is exactly the kind of thing that the city officials should be doing. I also think that the next 9 days are an opportunity for each of us to do what we think is the most effective thing to help bring about positive change. Some of the people reading this can probably find ways to reduce the number of miles they drive fairly easily, and that would be a significant contribution. Others, who constantly attempt to reduce the amount of driving they do can help to convince others to do the same. My plan is to distribute information in order to either freak people out about our current transportation system or arm people for discussion and action. But one thing we can all do is get together to celebrate the bicycle and all the joy it brings us. Thus the schedule:

Saturday April 5 - Bike Swap Meet - Phoenix municipal stadium, on the southwest corner of Galvin Pkwy (Priest) and Van Buren (Mill). 7 am -2 pm. Typically everyone is done by noon.

Saturday night - BOB (Bars on Bikes) - Meet at Bandersnatch at 6 pm. Drinking and riding to follow.

Monday - Breakfast at the Nowicki's - If you commute to the ASU area, come by the house for breakfast. No cars allowed. Starts at 7:30. RSVP if you can. 1114 S. Una Ave. Tempe. snowicki@asu.edu Wednesday - Bike to Work and School and Bike with the Mayor - or "Freak with the Mayor" - meet at Whole Foods on Baseline and Rural at 7:30. Ride to Mill's End Cafe. Ride your freakiest rig and outfit. You get a shirt at the end so feel free to ride shirtless. Helmet required.

Sunday April 13 - Bike to Bank One Ball park. You have to sign up. 602-262-7433.

Besides biking and drinking, we can all find ways to help push our city towards transportation solutions that are more environmentally, economically, and socially sustainable. Follow the laws that include bicycles as vehicles on the road, and when your rights or safety are threatened, it is up to you to respond using every means available.

Yeah buddy. All the right things for all the right reasons. Check it out.

And how about Flanders? Van Petegram did it again. Man, I can't wait to see it on Thursday on OLN. As it stands we just read the whole live report on cyclingnews. Better than nothing, that's for sure.

We also have a 24 hour race this weekend out at McDowell and a mountain bike race down in Sierra Vista. I missed them all to stay here in town and get my ass kicked on the shoot out for free. That, and I've got a house full of Flagstaffians all over the floor. Yeah, we're all about a good time here abouts.

Today we are to climb Mt. Lemon. I am so going to die. I better not see that Bastard Justin with a bob trailer full of rocks again. I can't handle that twice in the span of one week.

Well, just like that, in the space of a double carriage return, we are back from the top of Mount Lemon.

It was long, it was hard. I had a slice of pie at the top. Yeah, sure, that slice of pie costs $6.00 up there, but what are you going to do? Ride back down? You want the pie, you pay buddy. You pay.

What a hill. Big 'ol son of a bitch. Ride time, five hours. Distance, 80 miles. Some guys do it faster, not many do it slower. But, mother fucker, I did it.

I've been getting a ton of email about yesterdays post. To be expected, I imagine. I run an open shop here, and I encourage participation. I'll cull the lot for some highlight emails to share.

And I'm out.


Saturday, April 5, 2003
1   I   2   I   313 (and everything in between)

Big fun in little old Arizona this weekend. Yee haa. There is a great update over at talking points memo. Marshall really hit this one out of the park as far as I'm concerned. I'll share a bit of it here, but I think it should really be read in it's entirety.

John Kerry, who actually fought in Vietnam, unlike Bush, Cheney, Limbaugh and the rest of those pussies who ducked out, recently said, "The Republicans have tried to make a practice of attacking anybody who speaks out strongly by questioning their patriotism. I refuse to have my patriotism or right to speak out questioned. I fought for and earned the right to express my views in this country ... If they want to pick a fight, they've picked a fight with the wrong guy…"

How can you question the patriotism of a man who actually served his county when he was called to do so instead of shirking his responsibly? I'm having a hard time with this "I'm more patriotic than you 'cause I just send someone else's son to war" concept. It's just such a bunch of bullshit. Is that really the best you can come up with?

Marshall responds, "How many veterans will get their patriotism questioned by the president's operatives and placemen before we see the mainline pundits say enough is enough?"

I wonder the same thing myself. Clinton may have avoided the draft while in college, but to the best of my knowledge he never questioned the patriotism of those that had served. Be it from class, or embarrassment, I'll never know.

Anyone else starting to really like Kerry? Same thing with McCain. You can't knock a guy who's been through the shit.

Look, I like being an American. I like being the good guy. I like standing up for what's right. I like believing in the Constitution, the Bill of Rights, the things that make us what we are.

What I don't like is the incredible amount of damage that is being done to our national self esteem, character and image. We have collectively set ourselves back countless years in foreign relations within the span one misguided Presidency. Actually, it's only been half a Presidency so far. Amazing. We are so fucked.

It is going to take a long time and a lot of hard work and sacrifice to get back what we have squandered so quickly and utterly without care. Things like trust and honor, they are build slowly, over time, with action not words. And they are torn down in but an instant.

I get a lot of email from my fellow Americans telling me I need to shut the fuck up, that I'm a commie prick, maybe I'm French, that I'm unpatriotic and that I should leave the country.

Compare that to the letters that come in from Canada, Great Briton, and Australia where folks around the globe tell me how glad there are to hear that not all us Americans have our heads shoved so far up our own asses that we haven't seen daylight in weeks.

The collective view of the world today is that we are but legions of mindless dittoheads unquestionably approving of anything our might-makes-right leaders tell us.

Don't like the war in Iraq? You're unpatriotic. You should be supporting the troops.

I feel a lot for the guys and girls over there getting shot at. A lot more than for the insulated, rich bastards that sent them there. I support our men and women in the military.

What I don't support is pig headed maniacs who think we should push the world around simply because we're strong enough to. Might does not make right. Killing your adversary does not win the argument. It only cheapens the victory, making it hollow and meaningless.

Do you know polls around the globe rate us, the United States of America, as the biggest threat to peace?

Why do you think that is? Because we're so levelheaded and cooperative? Or, because we're a bunch of reckless cowboys?

This is the email Big Dave just sent me from Iraq.

  From: Big Dave
Subject: I'm still here
For SOME of you, you're probably wondering where I've been as I have not been sending out an update to everyone as of late. So let me fill you in.

2 days before this stupid crap kicked off, our chaplain quoted some old testament justifying our stance in the eyes of what some people call God. Don't be offended here please.

I got real angry. Very angry. I started feeling pain and hurt for our country, because....now trust me on this one....it's not going to benefit anyone. The people of Iraq are not going to settle into the shining beacon of democracy that we are hoping for. This will benefit the unification of the arab world to fight off western influence and poor policies. Oil will be cheaper, but we will be buying less from the saudi's (the country where most of the terrorists came from and Osama's homeland) and they are going to get pissed. Oil will be cheaper, but with the use of SUV's in America, you can count on higher pollution. Wondering why all of your kid's have asthma? Hmmmm...

So I immersed myself in my job. Making sure all the links were working and so forth. Then I started seeing the glory seekers and the ego freaks show their true colors. Decisions were being made that were getting soldiers killed. Accidents were happening and people were dying....still are. Really dumb choices were taking place and people were winding up in situations they were trained for. I saw a general go from smiles to sadness in a few days.

As for stopping the short range missiles, we did our job. As for Sadaam having missiles that violated UN sanctions....well, he hasn't fired any yet. Chemical....they are finding some things, but mostly for defensive measures (suits, atropine, mask filters, etc.)

I began to here how many bombs were being dropped. A $100K bomb on a $100 house. Or just random bombs that were not selected for specific targets just dropped in a field so the pilot could get home without refueling.

Then there were the things I can't tell you about. Stuff that will probably not ever make it to the news, and by the time this is all over, people really won't care. The guys in charge sure didn't care.

We had a group go into Iraq to scout a location for our forward command cell. They came back all stoked to be going to Iraq. Taking all our gear and stuff and setting it up to show off to all the other units. Problem is that we would be losing about 60% of our capabilities. They just wanted to go anyway to say they went.

When I first got here, I thought the same thing, but then I started putting myself in someone else's shoes. Someone who watched their leader defy the free world by allowing sanctions to continue....sanctions that could have been lifted if done properly. Just think about it. If we dumped shiploads of medical gear into the port of basra along with volunteers from many of the NGO's around the world, and Sadaam said go away, then it would have been sadaam's fault. But we never did that. Food for oil was a joke. Farm machinery for oil wouldn't work because all the tractors could be turned into military vehicles. Chlorine to purify water could be used to kill people in a gas attack. The materials to build a purification plant could be used in a lab to make evil stuff.

So now we are rolling along into Bagdad as you are seeing on tv. Good stuff. But I've discovered something about myself...I'm a conscientious objector. No way I would want to kill someone unless they were encroaching on my liberties and threatening my life. "Don't tread on me" as my friend Wes has tattooed on his belly. The same saying on the flag I use to see flying outside the museum at the Citadel. If I were to go to Iraq, would I be going in the manner that the Iraqi people really wanted to see? Probably not. Killing off all those bad dudes has allowed them to have a little more freedom, but now they are subjects of someone else. Not truly free....at least as of yet.

It will remain to be seen whether or not Iraq allows themselves to set up a government that we "approve of." Centuries of tribal feuding didn't end when sadaam was in power and even gassed away a few thousand. It continued.

I tried putting myself in the shoes of a good Iraqi. One who kept his mouth closed during the evil regime just to survive. One who didn't really like sadaam, but could do nothing but die if he tried to organize a group. I might be glad, but now I'm subject to western society. I've been taught that that's bad. What do I do now? How long will I have to play the US's game. What will happen to the home I have made? If I leave my home to head out of the city, will it be bombed or taken over by one of my neighbors just to return and start fighting with him to get it back? Lost of questions like that.

Well, I guess my answer is simple. No more violence. By striking first and succeeding, we've set an example for every child in America that it is okay to take the first swing at someone....even if you just THINK they are threatening you. Don't bother trying to walk away after talking it out. Video tape yourself with your demands and send the video to this person that is oppressing you or annoying you. Then, after he requests to debate you, beat the shit out of him and all his friends. That's the example we just set for every kid in America. Sadaam was bad, this is how you get rid of bad. Think about it. No talking on a personal level. No trying to negotiate face to face. Use a mediator, your friends, to do the talking for you. Or continue to make the videos.

After we settle into this, expect preemptives on others. They want be as easy as this one, and this one has been easy. Expensive, but easy.

So I find myself in this moral dilemma. And I choose non-violence. Luckily I'm in a unit that is fairly understanding. After telling them I was going to turn in a packet for a discharge, people were shocked. After listening to me and reading my story, most understood. Others were still blinded by patriotism to the government that puts food in their mouth. Guys with 27 years. They know nothing else. This is what makes them money. War pay is the Christmas bonus they don't get.

No one has told me to get out except one person....and he's an asshole. Another suggested doing it after I get home. Both I will tell you about in more detail later. The asshole is a good one. I'm tempted to give you all his wife's # so you can ask her how she feels about it all. That would be some funny stuff.

So I'm going to ride this one out. We'll be gone soon. Our mission is complete here. We are starting to cause more problems than we can solve. I should be home by summer. It would be nice to be back by Big Bear, but I don't think so. What's the date on that anyway. Last time it was the weekend of my birthday. Good stuff.

Thanks for the care packages.

Big Dave

I've been keeping notes. They are not too readable, but hopefully I will be able to get it all together in a book.


Friday, April 4, 2003
single01   I   single02   I   single23 (and everything in between)

My man Phil, who sent in the above links, says he's partial to single16. And I can see why. Holy shit, that girl is hot.

So much porn, so little time. How do I fit it all in? How bad ass are ninjas anyway?

This is interesting.

Three words: Tour of Flanders.

You want the hard man shit? Well, baby, it's April. Bring the pain. My man Musssuw is sick, apparently. Breaks my heart, I tell you.

He ain't a player, he just crush a lot.

And how much of a bad ass is Dario Frigo? Fuck, that guy rules. He's going to win a lot of races this year.

Liz Begosh, who drops me whenever the mood hits her, finished a mere 30 seconds down in the Highland Circuit race out at Redlands yesterday.

And, what a surprise, local big man on campus, Gord Fraser lights it up on the mens side. Yeah, he drops me whenever he feels like it too.

Cyclingnews has tons of pics and the story from the Oak Glenn stage. Go check 'em out.

  From: Geoff
Subject: WarMonger explains the war to PeaceNik
PN: Why did you say we are we invading Iraq?
WM: We are invading Iraq because it is in violation of security council resolution 1441. A country cannot be allowed to violate security council resolutions.
PN: But I thought many of our allies, including Israel, were in violation of more security council resolutions than Iraq.
WM: It's not just about UN resolutions. The main point is that Iraq could have weapons of mass destruction, and the first sign of a smoking gun could well be a mushroom cloud over NY.
PN: Mushroom cloud? But I thought the weapons inspectors said Iraq had no nuclear weapons.
WM: Yes, but biological and chemical weapons are the issue.
PN: But I thought Iraq did not have any long range missiles for attacking us or our allies with such weapons.
WM: The risk is not Iraq directly attacking us, but rather terrorists networks that Iraq could sell the weapons to.
PN: But couldn't virtually any country sell chemical or biological materials? We sold quite a bit to Iraq in the eighties ourselves, didn't we?
WM: That's ancient history. Look, Saddam Hussein is an evil man that has an undeniable track record of repressing his own people since the early eighties. He gasses his enemies. Everyone agrees that he is a power-hungry lunatic murderer.
PN: We sold chemical and biological materials to a power-hungry lunatic murderer?
WM: The issue is not what we sold, but rather what Saddam did. He is the one that launched a pre-emptive first strike on Kuwait.
PN: A pre-emptive first strike does sound bad. But didn't our ambassador to Iraq, Gillespie, know about and green-light the invasion of Kuwait?
WM: Let's deal with the present, shall we? As of today, Iraq could sell its biological and chemical weapons to Al Qaida. Osama BinLaden himself released an audio tape calling on Iraqis to suicide attack us, proving a partnership between the two.
PN: Osama Bin Laden? Wasn't the point of invading Afghanistan to kill him?
WM: Actually, it's not 100% certain that it's really Osama Bin Laden on the tapes. But the lesson from the tape is the same: there could easily be a partnership between Al Qaeda and Saddam Hussein unless we act.
PN: Is this the same audio tape where Osama Bin Laden labels Saddam a secular infidel?
WM: You're missing the point by just focusing on the tape. Powell presented a strong case against Iraq.
PN: He did?
WM: Yes, he showed satellite pictures of an Al Qaeda poison factory in Iraq.
PN: But didn't that turn out to be a harmless shack in the part of Iraq controlled by the Kurdish opposition?
WM: And a British intelligence report...
PN: Didn't that turn out to be copied from an out-of-date graduate student paper?
WM: And reports of mobile weapons labs...
PN: Weren't those just artistic renderings?
WM: And reports of Iraqis scuttling and hiding evidence from inspectors...
PN: Wasn't that evidence contradicted by the chief weapons inspector, Hans Blix?
WM: Yes, but there is plenty of other hard evidence that cannot be revealed because it would compromise our security.
PN: So there is no publicly available evidence of weapons of mass destruction in Iraq?
WM: The inspectors are not detectives, it's not their JOB to find evidence. You're missing the point.
PN: So what is the point?
WM: The main point is that we are invading Iraq because resolution 1441 threatened "severe consequences." If we do not act, the security council will become an irrelevant debating society.
PN: So the main point is to uphold the rulings of the security council?
WM: Absolutely. ...unless it rules against us.
PN: And what if it does rule against us?
WM: In that case, we must lead a coalition of the willing to invade Iraq.
PN: Coalition of the willing? Who's that?
WM: Britain, Turkey, Bulgaria, Spain, and Italy, for starters.
PN: I thought Turkey refused to help us unless we gave them tens of billions of dollars?
WM: Nevertheless, they may now be willing.
PN: I thought public opinion in all those countries was against war.
WM: Current public opinion is irrelevant. The majority expresses its will by electing leaders to make decisions.
PN: So it's the decisions of leaders elected by the majority that is important?
WM: Yes.
PN: But George B-
WM: I mean, we must support the decisions of our leaders, however they were elected, because they are acting in our best interest. This is about being a patriot. That's the bottom line.
PN: So if we do not support the decisions of the president, we are not patriotic?
WM: I never said that.
PN: So what are you saying? Why are we invading Iraq?
WM: As I said, because there is a chance that they have weapons of mass destruction that threaten us and our allies.
PN: But the inspectors have not been able to find any such weapons. WM: Iraq is obviously hiding them.
PN: You know this? How?
WM: Because we know they had the weapons ten years ago, and they are still unaccounted for.
PN: The weapons we sold them, you mean?
WM: Precisely.
PN: But I thought those biological and chemical weapons would degrade to an unusable state over ten years.
WM: But there is a chance that some have not degraded.
PN: So as long as there is even a small chance that such weapons exist, we must invade?
WM: Exactly.
PN: But North Korea actually has large amounts of usable chemical, biological, AND nuclear weapons, AND long range missiles that can reach the west coast AND it has expelled nuclear weapons inspectors, AND threatened to turn America into a sea of fire.
WM: That's a diplomatic issue.
PN: So why are we invading Iraq instead of using diplomacy?
WM: Aren't you listening? We are invading Iraq because we cannot allow the inspections to drag on indefinitely. Iraq has been delaying, deceiving, and denying for over ten years, and inspections cost us tens of millions.
PN: But I thought war would cost us tens of billions.
WM: Yes, but this is not about money. This is about security.
PN: But wouldn't a pre-emptive war against Iraq ignite radical Muslim sentiments against us, and decrease our security?
WM: Possibly, but we must not allow the terrorists to change the way we live. Once we do that, the terrorists have already won.
PN: So what is the purpose of the Department of Homeland Security, color-coded terror alerts, and the Patriot Act? Don't these change the way we live?
WM: I thought you had questions about Iraq.
PN: I do. Why are we invading Iraq?
WM: For the last time, we are invading Iraq because the world has called on Saddam Hussein to disarm, and he has failed to do so. He must now face the consequences.
PN: So, likewise, if the world called on us to do something, such as find a peaceful solution, we would have an obligation to listen?
WM: By "world", I meant the United Nations.
PN: So, we have an obligation to listen to the United Nations?
WM: By "United Nations" I meant the Security Council.
PN: So, we have an obligation to listen to the Security Council?
WM: I meant the majority of the Security Council.
PN: So, we have an obligation to listen to the majority of the Security Council?
WM: Well... there could be an unreasonable veto.
PN: In which case?
WM: In which case, we have an obligation to ignore the veto.
PN: And if the majority of the Security Council does not support us at all?
WM: Then we have an obligation to ignore the Security Council.
PN: That makes no sense:
WM: If you love Iraq so much, you should move there. Or maybe France, with the all the other cheese-eating surrender monkeys. It's time to boycott their wine and cheese, no doubt about that.

I'd say that about covers it. I think we should just keep this whole regime change thing rolling right here at home.

It's time we clean up our own backyards.


Thursday, April 3, 2003
cg2-01   I   cg2-02   I   cg2-60 (and everything in between)

Laying down, watching clouds blow across the sky through my bedroom window. I count heartbeats. Fifty eight. I've had it. Seems the old dog doesn't recover like he used to.

Gone are the days of all night drinking binges and all day bike rides. I'm lucky to manage a few hours of either.

Rest. What a novel idea. Still struggling with Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance. I say struggling because as I read it my mind begins to drift off into my own experience. The times the times I've been through Missoula, driven over Lolo Pass and out toward Coeur D' Alene.

If I have to read anymore about 'quality' and it's indefinable characteristics I'm going to scream.

On second thought, that'd only scare the neighbors.

Maybe the neighbors should be scared? Maybe we should throw stones? I don't know. Fuck it.

Back to the book for a minute. Look, it's like this, if two people can observer 'quality' and agree that something is of 'quality' then it has meaning. If you cannot define the word, it only reflects on your limited command of language.

As in, you know it, you just can't explain it adequately. Shit, half my life has been like that. What's the big deal? What the fuck am I even talking about? Fuck it, read some mail.

  From: Tom Q.
Subject: Thoughts on CNN (rant #3416789.2)
You know what the problem with the world today is? CNN. Okay, so we can blame MSNBC and Fox News as well, but CNN used to be the big dog, so we'll pick on them. TV news programs have a tendency to boil very complicated situations down into a simple, black and white, 4 second sound bits. Now, I'll grant you, the average American's attention span is limited, but 4 seconds? Exactly when in the history of this grand country did the population get replaced by grade school children? I envision a future where actually reading the ticker on the bottom and listening to the talking heads glibly discuss the deaths of hundred will become far too tedious for the busy urban professional. They will be replaced with a rapid onslaught of still pictures accompanied by the mindless buzz of techno music. This is the future people, brace yourself.

CNN on the war: you have two options, you hate the war or you support the troops. I know what you're thinking. You're saying to yourself, "But Tom, can't I oppose the war and hate the troops?" Yes, Virginia, you can. Outside of the sick need for CNN to bounce from story to story ever 4 milliseconds, they have ingrained into their propaganda a sort of McCarthy-ist philosophy of "agree or be a commie." That's not the America I know and love. Oh no, the America I know and love would allow me to agree and be a commie. Those are the freedoms that people I never knew died to protect. You have to wonder if those same people had seen the vacant stares of Americans watching their rapid fire news, whether those brave soldiers might have simply gone home rather than fight. You see my point, don't you?

Now, the intrepid reader will think to himself (or herself, as the case may be), "Wow, these words are both true and insightful. We should use this knowledge to strive for change in this great country of ours." I would say to those people, "Were you born dumb, or did your parents set your cradle too close to the wall?" That's not the way this country works. This country has the freedom of speech, not the freedom of action (who ever heard of a freedom of action?). That means I can say whatever the (expletive deleted) I want. It's my right, after all. But social change is strictly out of line. Now, whether or not our country chokes itself to death is speculative, but I think we're all agreed it will be fun to watch in 4 nanosecond clips punctuated by BMW ads. I suggest you grab yourself some popcorn and an ice cold beverage and watch the laws of social entropy slowly bring yet another world power to its overweight, apathetic knees.
Amen and pass the bacon

I'm watching a couple of real winners on the O'Reilly Factor. Dick Morris is complaining about folks in Hollywood who have spoken out against the war. He says, "The message of this war is that we can trust the government." And that those who have not stepped in line, "will pay the price when this is all over."

Oh yeah? Where the fuck do you live, man? Whiteyville? Is it nice in Whiteyville this time of year? You wanna come on down to the hood and knock back a few cold ones?

Asshole probably spend more on his car than I've made in my entire life.

And the you have Michelle Malkin who is complaining about, of all people, Colin Powell. Powell may be the only man in the current administration who makes any sense at all to me. She says he'll be "paying the price" for not being enough of a cheerleader to Bush and Co. I guess he's supposed to stand around and say thing like, mo tea sir, to make Michelle happy.

Yeah right. He's playing it smart is what he's doing. In fact, I wonder how Powell can even stand it. I mean, imagine going to work day after day when you're boss is a complete fucking idiot who keeps hanging you out to dry.

Thirty three flavors and then some. Check it.

  From: response
Subject: freedom of speech?
Santa Fe Police Arrest Attorney For Comments he Made In An Internet Chat-Room

A St. John's College Library visit by a former public defender was abruptly interrupted February 13 when city police officers arrested him about 9 p.m. at the computer terminal he was using, handcuffed him, and brought him to the Santa Fe, New Mexico, police station for questioning by Secret Service agents from Albuquerque. Andrew J. O'Connor, 40, who was released about five hours later, said in the February 16 Santa Fe New Mexican, "I'm going to sue the Secret Service, Santa Fe Police, St. John's, and everybody involved in this whole thing."

According to O'Connor, the agents accused him of making threatening remarks about President George W. Bush in an Internet chat room. Admitting he talked politics face-to-face in the library with a woman who was wearing a "No war with Iraq" button, O'Connor recalled saying that Bush is "out of control," but that "I'm allowed to say all that. There is this thing called freedom of speech." He also speculated that the FBI might have been observing him because of his one-time involvement in a pro-Palestinian group in Boulder, Colorado.

Earlier on the same day O'Connor was questioned, officials at St. John's-as well as at the College of Santa Fe and Santa Fe Community College-issued warnings to students and faculty that the FBI had been alerted to the presence of "suspicious" people on campus within the past four weeks.

Concern about threats to individual privacy under the USA Patriot Act has prompted New Mexico legislators in both houses to propose resolutions urging state police not to help federal agents infringe on civil rights. The resolutions also encourage libraries to post prominent signage warning patrons that their library records are subject to federal scrutiny without their permission or knowledge.

Ahem.

Bush is out of control.

Come and get me, you bunch of brownshirt thugs. Just remember what Hitler did with his street muscle when they had served their purpose.

He had them killed.


Wednesday, April 2, 2003
twin tits   I   sydney moon   I   sydney moon

Now this is a paint job I can appreciate. All except for the dollar sign snake things. I hate snakes. Snakes suck.

You hear that buddy? I'm getting you one of these, Snake. That outta cool your jets.

  From: Wade
Subject: Calories per dollar
Found a pastry-thingy at a store today with 420 calories "per serving"--serving size 1/2 cake. IOW 840 calories of fun! Lard soaked in butter. For 1.29 yum yum. Did a race today, guess I could have eaten one or two of them.

Now, that my friend, is a bargain. Should bought the whole friggin rack. Would've been set for the month. I got another box of Little Debbie brownies last night at the grocery. I've been spreading peanut butter on them. Man, that's good eating. I just can't get enough of that shit.

Then Julz told me last night, "You have a heart shaped ass, just like a woman."

Maybe the peanut butter covered brownies aren’t such a good idea after all? My man the Husky Midget used to rant and rave about girls with heart shaped asses. Now I'm one of them.

As I see it, I can do one of two things. I can either give up my beloved Little Debbie snack cakes or I can make sure I never, ever ride with Husky again.

Tough luck Husky, you're on the outs. Hit the bricks, buddy. Me and Debbie, we got ourselves an understanding.

This tale of ugliness was sent to me a couple of times in the last day or so. It's a fucking nightmare.

These guys blow fucking doors. I'm talking about get loose by the D4.

Yeah baby, bring it.

Rich Pink is back in the game.

Steve sent me this and said, "I am going to hell".

Well, Steve, save me a seat by the fire.

Today's ride went completely to hell when I realized that yes, that Bastard Justin really is trying to kill me.

Funny feeling, discovering the person you're riding with has plans for your death. I think he wants to dress my corpse up in a clown suit and do bad thing to me. He's a sick one, that Bastard Justin. Sick.

You wanna hear what he did to me today? We went for a ride up Mt. Lemon. Not big deal right? Well, he showed up with a bob trailer. Then, a couple of miles into the hill, he pulled over and stated putting big ass rocks in his bob.

I couldn't believe I was about to get dropped by a man pulling a trailer full of rocks.

Son of a bitch. Mother Fucker. God damn it. I made it about six miles before I said fuck it, turned around and went home. Then I took a nap.

Fucking Justin.

  From: Malcolm
Subject: Hello from little old England
I sympathize with the hammerings you have been getting recently. For my sins (and they are many !) I rode the British Masters championship series last Sunday. Which made me wonder why so many 'Masters' are Elite class riders and capable of inflicting real punishment on lower grades or drink raddled old geezers such as myself ! Well really, when we pass the big four-oh we should devote our lives to the delights of Belgian beer, Italian wine and, well, any women from any country we can get ! But oh no, some of these guys are still pros, such as the 41 years old Malcolm Elliot still capable of beating the best elite racers in the UK ! So he is planning to ride the British Masters champ RR, which makes me think we should have not age related champs, no, we should have alcoholic intake related champs ! Based on redness of nose and strength of liver. That would be a true test ! But then I have met a whole bunch of rock climbers that could float up those vertical faces on a have of pure alcohol !
Well to cut to the chase I was a reasonable rider in my day, I could open up gaps and go off the front and win. But I cam back into the sport after a long career in IT that saw my abilities at pushing hard on the pedals turn into abilities at pushing hard on the beer taps with the consequences of alcoholic intake wreaking havoc on my muscles and waistline. Its taken 3 years to be able to finish in the bunch in with riders I could once hammer into the ground. And the moral of this story ? I don't really know, except if you overindulge for too long you will pay the price if you really want to kick arse on the road !
Hugs etc.


Tuesday, April 1, 2003
monica miller   I   veronica vanoza   I   sydney moon

This just in:

  From: zeke
Subject: april fools
Shimano confirms financing plan
Shimano American Corporation has announced a new consumer purchase plan for its 2004 Dura-Ace and XTR component groups. Through an arrangement with a consortium of mortgage brokerage firms, qualified homeowners will be able to purchase the spendy parts kit by borrowing against their home equity line of credit. Despite confirming plans for the new finance program, Shimano officials declined to name a price for either component group, other than to say that the mountain-bike group and the new 10-speed road group will be "worth every darn penny."

Shimano's Wayne Stetina told VeloNews Wednesday that the new parts are "vastly superior to anything else on the market, so it's definitely worth taking out a secured low-interest loan on something that special. You won't be disappointed."

Stetina said that the company is now working on finance programs that will also accept 401k plans, education IRAs and certain stock certificates as security.

Good one. And you're only kinda joking. Same with this one from that lime eating bastard chipps.

This just in.

News you can use. Go check out indy media and democracy now. You may want to know about this. I dunno. Maybe.

Now, this site is interesting. They like 'em old, and they like 'em steel. Can't say that I blame them. Check out classic rendezvous.

  From: Scott
Subject: livin large in Germany
Hey Big Jonny,
From your European contingent, thank god the snow here has finally melted. Until last week here in Garmisch, Germany I have been relegated to many hateful days on a trainer. I kicked off the spring by going outdoors for the first time in Italy. Went to northern Italy for 9 days of training and a tan. Logged in 1000 kilometers in 9 days, saw Milan-San Remo in person standing at the final climb. Managed to meet David Rebellin and motor pace with him for about 10 kilometers. Came back to Germany just in time for the snow to melt and start riding here. It's been real good, I leave in 3 days for Belgium to watch tour of Flanders, Ghent-Wevelgehm, and Paris Roubaix. You can watch for me on the sidelines at the Roubaix, in the forest of Arenburg. All in all this spring is looking kickass.

Oh fuck you. Really. You get to see the Classics and I get to stare at the Gnome as he lies on my sofa. Well, a gnome reclining is a thing of beauty.

Fuck it, I'm turnin' gay.

 
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