Cyclingnews.com coverage of the Vuelta Espana

Wednesday, September 26, 2001. Fucking shoot me:

Samuel L. Jackson sound board   I   Porn   I   Porn   I   Porn

Holy fucking shit. I love this. The way the photo is all folded and beat up, like it's done the rounds. You just can't beat it. If that was my dog, I'd probably have to shoot it.

Could you live with the shame? Really?

Fuck what do I know? Not much. I found my new bar tonight. I can't even remember the name of the place. I guess I had fun. I know where it is, though. I can make it back.

Good times.

Its got fucking Pabst on TAP! You hear that mother fuckers! The Blue Ribbon on tap. Jesus fucking Christ, I thought I had died and gone to heaven. I want to thank my new best friend, TJ, for showing me this gleaming shithole. Buddy, I would never have stumbled out of that place if it wasn't for you.

Oh, hell. I don't really have anything else to say. I've got to start friggin getting my shit in order and be ready to leave for Vegas in, what, another day? I dunno. Time to find my luggage. God Bless America.

Tuesday, September 25, 2001. I might be gay, today's topics include:

Las Vegas   I   Oral   I   Anal   I   Tits   I   The Vuelta

The net is so friggin slow today. What the fuck is up with these idiots and the whole virus thing? I don't get it. Is it fun to fuck up things for tons of people you've never even met before? Fucking assholes.

I heard that somehow, don't ask me how, one of this years bullshit virus episodes has been traced back to some dickhead student in China. I'd like a peice of him right about now. Something like that anyway. Bored computer nerd. Try looking at porn you moron. It works for me.

Like, this for example. Hubba hubba hubba. Not bad, but then you see something like, well, you'll see. Jesus Christ, you knew it had to exist out there somewhere. Click here to see a girl have sex with a cucumber.

Oh hell. I forgot to upload what I wrote this morning. That's OK, it really wasn't much of anything anyway. Pam Grier and the Eagles.

Here it is, the week I leave for Vegas. I'm getting pretty excited. I'll be out on the road for almost three weeks. I haven't exactly figured out how I'm going to update this thing when I'm crashing on sofas and mooching showers. I'll figure it our somehow.

I'm bringing a couple of zip drives full of programs, pictures and everything I think I might need to make this work. It's high time I took this show on the road. And that's not all I got.

I'm heading south with 50 new t-shirts and 2,000 new stickers. You heard right, I'm mister Big Dick. I'll be selling my ass, pants and watch in Las Vegas, along with shirts.

I figure I can buy some prime couch space with a bad ass drunkcyclist.com t-shirt.

Anyway, more tomorrow and all that. I actually have to think about packing up the car in the next two days. Packing, always a pleasure. It comes so easily to a guy like me. Think about it real hard, walk around a lot, show up where you're going with less than half the shit you need. Thank God for Wal-Mart.

Post something here.

Monday, September 24, 2001. Welcome to hell, today's topics include:

Pam Grier   I   The Eagles

So yeah like holy shit and stuff.

I might have already linked this, but just to be sure, click here. It's just about like the Pam Grier link. Man oh man, is she a piece of ass. Coffee is the color baby.

And then there's the Eagles. Hot damn, pounding on the Sea Hawks. It's good to see them win. I hope to see more of the same for the rest of the year.

Well, it's a Monday morning and I gotta get my fat ass to work. Bye.

The 23rd. Happy birthday drunkcyclist.com:

Hot Chicks   I   My Ass   I   Send More Ragbria Pics   I   Moscow, Idaho

This is the Happy Birthday Drunkcyclist.com layout. I think. For a few weeks anyway. Maybe I'll run it untill Christmas, or something like that. I'll just pick a random day, and blammo, I'll change everything again.

It just happens like that sometimes.

One year. A long time. How time flies when your having fun. And it has flown.

Here it is folks, the one year anniversary of drunkcyclist.com. I'm pretty surprised its gone on as long as it has. I can't believe that for each day in the last twelve months I've found the time to post pictures of naked girls and talk a whole bunch of shit.

Did I know what all this would become a year ago? Did I have a plan? Of course not. Just like I can't really say what the coming year will bring for drunkcyclist. But, no matter what its going to be a lot of fun. Like it always is. I am the Tzar of Dickbeating. And I'm damn proud of it.

In another week, I'll be in Las Vegas. I can't wait to see all you lousy fucks. Its going to be great. Staying up to late, drinking too much and eating bad food. All under the guise of a business trip. Amazing.

And, after Vegas, I'm heading back on down to Phoenix for a spell. That's right, I'm turning this into a two week vacation. I'm even going to do the AZ state championship tt and crit the first weekend of October. I'll probably get my ass kicked all over the place.

I miss the southwest. The warm sand, the red rocks. The incredibly hot chicks all over the place. Oh, its going to be great.

product image

From: Mike Subject: Hands free Cell phone kit, cheap! Hello, and welcome to this wonderful offer. The recent law enacted by New York state is just the tip of the iceberg. Soon, every state will be outlawing hand held cell phone use while driving. This is the time to get on the bandwagon and start your own home based internet business marketing an inexpensive, innovative alternative to those expensive earphone and boom mic devices offered by the cell phone manufactures. This is your chance to get in on the ground level of a new hands free cell phone kit available at a reasonable price. I can buy them for 5 cents each (in volume) and I am looking for distributors. My price to you will be 25 cents each. You can sell them at the recommended retail price of $1.00. This is a 300 percent gross profit for you. Once word of this remarkable invention get out, every cell phone user in America, even the world, will want one. Check out the attached picture of my kit and respond ASAP with your order. I accept PayPal. Thanks for your interest!

What could be cooler that a Murray bike, an adjustable wrench and a new pair a Addidas sneakers?

This is my friend Rob's website. He has a chatroom. It's fun as hell to go there and act like a dork. You see, this chatroom is all about Jetski's. Riding them, polishing them to a gleaming luster, driving them into unsuspecting sea manaties.. They even have those "chat with the pro's" bullshit. Watch as Lefty McGullicutty rides pro-boys jock like there's no tomorrow. Gay stuff like that. Reach out and touch someone.

I started this thing by borrowing a book called 'creating web pages for dummies'. It had found its target audience in me, let me tell you. I quickly learned about font tags, tables, image links. Oh, the fun times we had. And now look at this shit. It just never ends.

You never have a webpage your completely satisfied with. You never stop tweaking the code, trying new things. It can get kinda exciting at times. But mostly, its about the porn.

What else it there when it comes right down to it? Well, happy birthday to me. Enjoy.

Somebody send in some more Ragbrai pics already. C'mon, I know that there is a ton more pics. What do I have know, like friggin six? What kind of gallery is that? I need more. Send 'em in.

From: Paul
Subject: Update
After a month and a half, one move, one long wait for DSL and the worst day in the history of my hometown, PaulKatcher.com has been updated.
It isn't my best effort, but the site will soon be back to normal, just like all of us.
Soon I'll look for a new mailing list, since Listbot crapped out. Or maybe they just want money from me. Same difference.

Right on man. Don't worry, it'll get easier. It always does. Yours is one of my favorite sites out there. I'm glad to see you're back. I've especially enjoyed the link you put up to those club rubber freaks. They have so many galleries about so many parties, it just goes on and on. Even I got sick of looking at half naked women with breast implants. I just can't believe that site. Is that really what it looks like in southern California?

I heard it was the land of beautiful people, but Jesus. Every girl I saw had a stomach like a wash board, a set of huge tits, manicured nails and a face that has seen too much sun. I thought it was a porn star convention, the first time I saw it.

  Saturday, September 22, 2001
Shit fire. I'm drunk. Yee haa. Man, its late. Sleepy time for the fat man.

Enjoy some reader mail 'cause I can't see or type.

From: Mark
Subject: Arabian Politics
Hi Jonny,
Just a word to say that I thought you have handled the events of the last week and a half with great sensitivity.
I have just gone back to the PJ O'Rourke book 'Give War a Chance' to check out his Gulf War diaries. He gives fantastic, wry descriptions of the events he is witness to. I thought you and your readers might be interested in his take on Arabian politics. As a bit of background he is in Jordan during the build up to the war, a few months before Desert Storm kicks off. It gives us an insight into the bizarre mind set of the Middle East.
Thanks for keeping me entertained,

America is the world's policeman, all right - a big, dumb mick flatfoot in the middle of the one thing cops dread most, a 'dom- estic disturbance'.

To the uninitiated, what Iraq did to Kuwait seems like regular war: Country A whacks Country B, which screams bloody murder, dragging Countries C, D and E into the fray. But within the large, noisy and exceedingly fractious family of Arabs, it's not that simple. Iraq, Kuwait, Jordan, Syria, Saudi Arabia and so forth are hardly nations as we understand the term. They are quarrels with borders.

Until 1918 the Arabian peninsula was ruled by the Ottoman Empire, so called because it had the same amount of intelligence and energy as a footstool. When the Turks backed the wrong horse in World War I, the French and English divvied up the region in a manner both completely self-serving and unbelievably haphazard, like monkeys at a salad bar. The huge, senseless notch in Jordan's border with Saudi Arabia, for instance, is known as 'Winston's Hiccup' because the then head of the British Colonial Office, Winston Churchill, is supposed to have drawn this line on a map after a very long lunch.

The British were fans of one Hussein ibn Ali, the Grand Sherif of Mecca, who led the Arab revolt against the Turks that Lawrence of Arabia claimed to be such an important part of. The British wanted to make members of Hussein's Hashemite family kings of what-all and which-ever. They crowned Hussein himself King of the Hejaz, the Red Sea coast of the Arabian peninsula. They put his son Faisal on the throne of Syria. But the French threw a fit, so the Brits moved Faisal to Iraq. And Faisal's brother Abudullah - grandfather of the King Hussein we've got these days - was given the booby prize of Transjordan, an area previously known as 'to-hell-and-gone-out-in-the-desert' when it was called anything at all.

In the 1920s, Ibn Saud - the man who put the 'Saudi' in Saudi Arabia - chased Hussein ibn Ali out of the Hejaz. This is why the Jordanians hate the Saudis.

The Jordanians should hate the Iraqis, too, because the military government that Saddam Hussein now runs killed every available member of the Iraqi branch of the Hashemite family in 1958. But Jordan and Iraq are both too busy hating Syria for Syria's attempt to achieve Arab hegemony by allying with Iran, invading Lebanon and trying to gain control of the Palestine Liberation Organization.

-The PLO, meanwhile, nearly toppled King Hussein in 1970 whereupon the king, with Iraqi support, exterminated thousands of Palestians. Thus the Palestinians should hate the Jordanians and vice versa, but since sixty-five per cent of Jordanians are Palestinians, it's easier for everybody to hate Israel. Which still doesn't explain why the people in Jordan are furious at the United States for coming to the aid of Kuwait

Unless it does.

Well, kick me in horse shit and call me smelly. I'll try to do something a little more creative tomorrow. When I'm not loaded. My man Corey sent in some good shit from across the pond. But, like I said, I can't even fucking see. Weeeeee.

  Friday, September 21, 2001
I've spent most of my evening trying like hell to download music. It's so easy a drunk monkey could do it. And that fucking monkey is kicking my ass. Fuck.

I can't differentiate between my asshole and my elbow, I swear to God. I miss Napster. Fuck you Lars. Fuck you Metallica. Thanks for shitting on this average Joe. You rich ass greedy sons a bitchs.

I never had any problems when I used Napster. I thought it was the greatest thing in the entire world. Pretty much all the music I have I got there. All this new shit just fucking sucks. Why can't someone come up with something my stupid ass can understand? I'm not asking for a ride to the moon here people. I just want the new tool album (um, for free) and I want it now.

I've been trying everything I can think of with mostly shitty results. Here's how it played out:

Aimster: Easy to use. Cannot tell anything about file size, line speed, who the fuck is one the other end, nada. Annoying. I think it's all based on AOL instant messenger. But, I have no idea really. I mean, I'm not on AOL and here I am using it. Who knows? And it's real slow. But, you actually get playable files. More on that later. Click here to check it out. Morpheus: Fast. You can pick files by claimed download time. Should note that claimed download time is about the same a claimed bike weight. Ring any bells? Also, and this what really sucks it, not all the files I downloaded were playable. Nothing in this world is worse that waiting for a download to finally fucking end and you can't even play it. I could kill someone. And then you get to go through your music files and delete all the Trojan Horse empty ass files. It's adding insult to injury. This program took a shit on me no less than seven separate times. It just stops working. Sometimes it even completely shuts down. I deleted it, rebooted and downloaded the whole thing again only to experience the same problem. I give up. Click here to check it out. AudioGalaxy: This is fun. Not. I need a beer. Look at tons of fucking ftp bullshit and pick out what you want. Remember to cut and paste all that shit in just right or, whammo. I can't get this guys password to work right for some reason. And, I don't think it's me fucking up. I can get into the ftp site far enough to view all the files I want. I'm fucking salivating over here. But, I can't download anything because I'm being prompted for with a "wrong password" error box. How can that be? Two different passwords? No way. Claimed username: mp3. Claimed password: mp3. Did it ever work? No. Back to the bike weight thing. This pass word thing is probably only a problem with one of a million ftp sites. I don't know if some, none, or every other one of them works. I'm way to tired and pissed off to try anything else. This looks like a winner, but I haven't won anything. You be the judge. Click here to check it out.

  Thursday, September 20, 2001
Today's porn gallery link is do good I might have to leave it up for a week. If you have no idea what I'm talking about, look for the little stripper thing over there on the right hand side of the page. Got it? Good. Now click on it.

Same deal with Captain America, but he's on the left side. Any-hoo, just click on that pipe layin mother fucker for a nice surprise.

Speaking of surprises, I took a big old shit today and when I tried to flush that toilet trout downstream… My bathroom was like a weekend at the water park. But smellier.

Good times.

I can't stay awake any longer, and I don't feel like posting, reading or writing anything that requires any thought. So here is some porn.

Everyone loved Savanna, because she was a total piece of ass. Did ya know it was Greg Alman that broke her in, so to speak?

Something about a teen-hoof. Maybe Chasey Lain? I dunno. I don't know what it means, and I don't care. But, I do understand big tit fantasies. And I do care about Chloe Jones. Don't you?

Who knew doing the wash could be so fun. What, with the lathering and the taking your clothes off. Jeez. I mean, my God how does she even walk with those things? I just don't know.

A face that would make a train turn down a dirt road. But those tits... Warm in the winter, shady in the summer. What can I say?

   Wednesday, September 19, 2001
I woke up at about 4:30 this morning for no good reason at all. Feeling refreshed, and like I just couldn't sleep another minute, I got up to make some coffee. It always strikes me as odd this happens. Oh, it's happened before, but not all that often. In fact, I might just have to write this down on my calendar. It may never occur again this year.

Its not even quite five yet, and I'm already perched in front of this idiot box typing away like mad. I'm sure it will be nearly seven or so before I get this update all together and posted. Its not that its altogether that hard, but then, its not all that easy either.

Usually I'm so fucking turned inside out in the morning, I'm unrecognizable even to my dog. The fact that the same is true of my wife goes without saying. Right back at ya, baby.

I just cannot yet get away from the tragedy of last week. It has opened up a train of thought once easily cast aside. I don't really want to think about all the poor starving bastards of the world. Sure, I kick a few bucks down to various charities, just like anyone else would. I think we do so in part to make ourselves feel better. It's sort of like that "survivors guilt" you hear about sometimes, but in this instance it's more about what country you were lucky enough to be born in.

The following shit was forwarded to me yesterday. I found it to be worth reading. You may disagree, and I promise to lighten the mood a little bit with some porn sooner or later.

Independent Argument Robert Fisk: Bush is walking into a trap 16 September 2001 Retaliation is a trap. In a world that was supposed to have learnt that the rule of law comes above revenge, President Bush appears to be heading for the very disaster that Osama bin Laden has laid down for him. Let us have no doubts about what happened in New York and Washington last week. It was a crime against humanity. We cannot understand America's need to retaliate unless we accept this bleak, awesome fact. But this crime was perpetrated - it becomes ever clearer - to provoke the United States into just the blind, arrogant punch that the US military is preparing. Mr bin Laden - every day his culpability becomes more apparent - has described to me how he wishes to overthrow the pro-American regime of the Middle East, starting with Saudi Arabia and moving on to Egypt, Jordan and the other Gulf states. In an Arab world sunk in corruption and dictatorships - most of them supported by the West - the only act that might bring Muslims to strike at their own leaders would be a brutal, indiscriminate assault by the United States. Mr bin Laden is unsophisticated in foreign affairs, but a close student of the art and horror of war. He knew how to fight the Russians who stayed on in Afghanistan, a Russian monster that revenged itself upon its ill-educated, courageous antagonists until, faced with war without end, the entire Soviet Union began to fall apart. The Chechens learnt this lesson. And the man responsible for so much of the bloodbath in Chechnya - the career KGB man whose army is raping and murdering the insurgent Sunni Muslim population of Chechnya - is now being signed up by Mr Bush for his "war against people''. Vladimir Putin must surely have a sense of humour to appreciate the cruel ironies that have now come to pass, though I doubt if he will let Mr Bush know what happens when you start a war of retaliation; your army - like the Russian forces in Chechnya - becomes locked into battle with an enemy that appears ever more ruthless, ever more evil. But the Americans need look no further than Ariel Sharon's futile war with the Palestinians to understand the folly of retaliation. In Lebanon, it was always the same. A Hizbollah guerrilla would kill an Israeli occupation soldier, and the Israelis would fire back in retaliation at a village in which a civilian would die. The Hizbollah would retaliate with a Katyusha missile attack over the Israeli border, and the Israelis would retaliate again with a bombardment of southern Lebanon. In the end, the Hizbollah - the "centre of world terror'' according to Mr Sharon - drove the Israelis out of Lebanon. In Israel/Palestine, it is the same story. An Israeli soldier shoots a Palestinian stone-thrower. The Palestinians retaliate by killing a settler. The Israelis then retaliate by sending a murder squad to kill a Palestinian gunman. The Palestinians retaliate by sending a suicide bomber into a pizzeria. The Israelis then retaliate by sending F-16s to bomb a Palestinian police station. Retaliation leads to retaliation and more retaliation. War without end. And while Mr Bush - and perhaps Mr Blair - prepare their forces, they explain so meretriciously that this is a war for "democracy and liberty'', that it is about men who are "attacking civilisation''. "America was targeted for attack,'' Mr Bush informed us on Friday, "because we are the brightest beacon for freedom and opportunity in the world.'' But this is not why America was attacked. If this was an Arab-Muslim apocalypse, then it is intimately associated with events in the Middle East and with America's stewardship of the area. Arabs, it might be added, would rather like some of that democracy and liberty and freedom that Mr Bush has been telling them about. Instead, they get a president who wins 98 per cent in the elections (Washington's friend, Mr Mubarak) or a Palestinian police force, trained by the CIA, that tortures and sometimes kills its people in prison. The Syrians would also like a little of that democracy. So would the Saudis. But their effete princes are all friends of America - in many cases, educated at US universities. I will always remember how President Clinton announced that Saddam Hussein - another of our grotesque inventions - must be overthrown so that the people of Iraq could choose their own leaders. But if that happened, it would be the first time in Middle Eastern history that Arabs have been permitted to do so. No, it is "our'' democracy and "our'' liberty and freedom that Mr Bush and Mr Blair are talking about, our Western sanctuary that is under attack, not the vast place of terror and injustice that the Middle East has become. Let me illustrate what I mean. Nineteen years ago today, the greatest act of terrorism - using Israel's own definition of that much misused word - in modern Middle Eastern history began. Does anyone remember the anniversary in the West? How many readers of this article will remember it? I will take a tiny risk and say that no other British newspaper - certainly no American newspaper - will today recall the fact that on 16 September 1982, Israel's Phalangist militia allies started their three-day orgy of rape and knifing and murder in the Palestinian refugee camps of Sabra and Shatila that cost 1,800 lives. It followed an Israeli invasion of Lebanon - designed to drive the PLO out of the country and given the green light by the then US Secretary of State, Alexander Haig - which cost the lives of 17,500 Lebanese and Palestinians, almost all of them civilians. That's probably three times the death toll in the World Trade Centre. Yet I do not remember any vigils or memorial services or candle-lighting in America or the West for the innocent dead of Lebanon; I don't recall any stirring speeches about democracy or liberty. In fact, my memory is that the United States spent most of the bloody months of July and August 1982 calling for "restraint". No, Israel is not to blame for what happened last week. The culprits were Arabs, not Israelis. But America's failure to act with honour in the Middle East, its promiscuous sale of missiles to those who use them against civilians, its blithe disregard for the deaths of tens of thousands of Iraqi children under sanctions of which Washington is the principal supporter - all these are intimately related to the society that produced the Arabs who plunged America into an apocalypse of fire last week. America's name is literally stamped on to the missiles fired by Israel into Palestinian buildings in Gaza and the West Bank. Only four weeks ago, I identified one of them as an AGM 114-D air-to-ground rocket made by Boeing and Lockheed-Martin at their factory in - of all places - Florida, the state where some of the suiciders trained to fly. It was fired from an Apache helicopter (made in America, of course) during the 1982 Israeli invasion of Lebanon, when hundreds of cluster bombs were dropped in civilian areas of Beruit by the Israelis in contravention of undertakings given to the United States. Most of the bombs had US Naval markings and America then suspended a shipment of fighter bombers to Israel - for less than two months. The same type of missile - this time an AGM 114-C made in Georgia - was fired by the Israelis into the back of an ambulance near the Lebanese village of Mansori, killing two women and four children. I collected the pieces of the missile, including its computer coding plate, flew to Georgia and presented them to the manufacturers at the Boeing factory. And what did the developer of the missile say to me when I showed him photographs of the children his missile had killed? "Whatever you do," he told me, "don't quote me as saying anything critical of the policies of Israel." I'm sure the father of those children, who was driving the ambulance, will have been appalled by last week's events, but I don't suppose, given the fate of his own wife - one of the women killed - that he was in a mood to send condolences to anyone. All these facts, of course, must be forgotten now. Every effort will be made in the coming days to switch off the "why'' question and concentrate on the who, what and how. CNN and most of the world's media have already obeyed this essential new war rule. I've already seen what happens when this rule is broken. When The Independent published my article on the connection between Middle Eastern injustice and the New York holocaust, the BBC's 24-hour news channel produced an American commentator who remarked that "Robert Fiskhas won the prize for bad taste''. When I raised the same point on an Irish radio talk show, the other guest, a Harvard lawyer, denounced me as a bigot, a liar, a "dangerous man'' and - of course - potentially anti-Semitic. The Irish pulled the plug on him. No wonder we have to refer to the terrorists as "mindless''. For if we did not, we would have to explain what went on in those minds. But this attempt to censor the realities of the war that has already begun must not be permitted to continue. Look at the logic. Secretary of State Colin Powell was insisting on Friday that his message to the Taliban is simple: they have to take responsibility for sheltering Mr bin Laden. "You cannot separate your activities from the activities of the perpetrators,'' he warned. But the Americans absolutely refuse to associate their own response to their predicament with their activities in the Middle East. We are supposed to hold our tongues, even when Ariel Sharon - a man whose name will always be associated with the massacre at Sabra and Shatila - announces that Israel also wishes to join the battle against "world terror''. No wonder the Palestinians are fearful. In the past four days, 23 Palestinians have been killed in the West Bank and Gaza, an astonishing figure that would have been front-page news had America not been blitzed. If Israel signs up for the new conflict, then the Palestinians - by fighting the Israelis - will, by extension, become part of the "world terror'' against which Mr Bush is supposedly going to war. Not for nothing did Mr Sharon claim that Yasser Arafat had connections with Osama bin Laden. I repeat: what happened in New York was a crime against humanity. And that means policemen, arrests, justice, a whole new international court at The Hague if necessary. Not cruise missiles and "precision'' bombs and Muslim lives lost in revenge for Western lives. But the trap has been sprung. Mr Bush - perhaps we, too - are now walking into it.

This is Ragbrai. It's the best fucking time you'll ever have on two wheels. You should be there next year. Right now the page is more of a memorial than it's usual self, but check it out.

You'd better have a look at this. Its not pretty. And it won't make you proud.

And now, lets all read about fun things like bike races.

From: Kyle
Subject: Cosmic Solstice
The Solstice Kicked Ass.... Literally my legs still feel a little sore. I showed up on Sat and decided to do the hill climb as well with all the pros and advanced riders.... bad idea. I jumped in next to the Hippy and tried to push my 36x17 up Eldon, I passed a few geared riders but with about 200m to the top my chain broke again (it broke in Crown King last weekend). I don't know my exact time but it wasn't too embarrassing.

Sunday the race started with the ceremonial single speed start, I love the man who came up with this idea! Its a Lemond start and you have to funny walk (high step) to get a beer out of the pile which sits on the start line, then chug it, spray it, save it, whatever, grab your bike and do a lap around the parking lot before hitting the trail. I don't know what all these fools were thinking at the start but once they grabbed there beer they just looked at each other like what do we do next? Well, I wasted no time in cracking mine open and shotgunning it (damn there is nothing like a Natural Ice at 8am before a 43 mile race), then grabbing my bike for the hole shot.

The course was pretty nice, it had rained the day before so traction was pretty good. The first hill hurt like a bitch and Chris Lathem was behind me pushing a smaller gear, so I just let him and another local SS I didn't know go by and settled into third. I kept pushing the Dh's as hard as possible trying to make up time I was loosing on the hills but it just wasn't in the cards, and my legs weren't fresh like the others. The race was great up until the top of Locket Meadow, the 1.5mile climb to the water line road just wasn't very rideable (on a SS), I ended up hiking probably half of it. The 9 mile decent to the finish was nice but spinning out at 100+rpm's for that long wasn't. I finished in 3:44 for 3rd, won back entry fee and got a free Guinness. I'm coming back next year and going for the chicks and the glory of first!

Note to promoters: any race that involves drinking before and after is a good idea in my book

And in my book too. But wait, there's more.

From: Herbold
Subject: Re: Fw: Drunkcyclist
Holmes,
At Solstice, RJ Rooke won the overall. Crack Head Scott Keller won the HC and placed second in the XC. Big news was Josh Powers, A local Favorite of Flag wrecked with wreckless abandone for himself. I guess, after they had just hit the trail again after climbing Snow Bowl rd, his foot spontaneosly ejected from his Bontrager pedal and was firmly lodged into his front wheel. And of course, with such little notice he was promptly thrown onto his face and knocked out. Amazingly, he didn't break a think but rather just looked as if he had the shit kicked out of him. Honest opinion: I believe that he can't break any bones because at 5'7" and maybe 115 lbs, he cannot generate enough force to hurt himself severly. The even cooler thing was that he was helicoptered out from there to flag MC.

In other news, Jason TooBig Tullous won the Saturday road race with a devastating attack to bridge from the main field to the "yellowguy that swears a lot, Rubelt and loveday up the road. Then I, The biggest man you will ever meat, won the crit on Sunday. I'm sure unkie Dom will congratulate us soon. the crit was unfortunate for Justin Peschka because he was force to work with only one other rider and a non-existent draft in a break that lapped the field in about 40 minutes. The whole race was 1:15 long and windy as all northern hell. In all, Domenics went 1 - 4-5 in both races. And, for all of you greenie meanies that actually read this, I don't get a good draft off of Peschka either. I think I am mostly below any protection he provides. Love DH

And it is love we share, isn't it? Dave?

  Tuesday, September 18, 2001
One week on... The wheels are always turning, my friends.

I guess Dru was thumbing through the new Bicycle Retailer and he found me a new wrenching gig up here in the north land. Is sounds great, but the boss is a haggard old lady. Thanks anyway Dru.

Have I ever mentioned that I like big melons and, what's her name, Silvia Saint? She's rad. She does porn.

    

I wish I had a swimming pool. When its hot out I could invite a few friends over an we could, you know, swim and stuff.

White girl with pink hair sucking enormous black cock. Is she a rap star? It looks like she has everything it takes these days.

Sure, the content ain't all that great. But ya just can't beat the domain name, want boobs.com. It's genius.

Any body have a sexnet pass I can borrow? I only need it for like 15 seconds. That's all it's going to take me to bust a nut watching shit like this Tomb Raider porn. God damn, I want some of that. While I'm sharing my Christmas wish list, someone figure out how to get into this site too. I'd like that very much.

  Monday, September 17, 2001
I'm going to try and say the word "fuck" in every sentence I write today. Anyone got a fucking problem with that? Anyone else fucking pissed? I'm fucking pissed. Real fucking pissed. So fucking pissed that I listened to a little Rage Against the Machine, drank a pot of fucking coffee and went on my first fucking bike ride in the better part of two weeks.

And tomorrow, I'm doing the same fucking thing.

Today's fucked up pics of fucking beautiful women that wouldn't give any of you fucks the time of day. What the fuck were you fucking thinking? You fucking moron.

Back by popular fucking demand, the onion.

Anyone want to write me and tell me what the fuck happened in the Cosmic Solstice race this weekend? I'm in the fucking dark over here. Fuck.

  Sunday, September 16, 2001
On a really shitty note, I heard on NPR this morning that there was a shooting in my former home state of Arizona this weekend. Characterized as an apparent hate crime, a man of middle eastern decent was shot and killed. For no reason what so ever other than the color of his skin.

This is not the direction we need to go in. Do not do this, America. Take the high road. It's always harder to do the right thing, always more difficult. In the end it is always worth it.

You want some patriotic pin up girls, you say? Well, wait no longer, it's just one simple click away.

I thought this was pretty incredible. Click here for a great collection of photos. In the same order, this site has more to see.

I've found out that the pro-American article penned by a Canadian named Gordon Sinclair that I posted a few days ago, is actually from a 1973 radio broadcast. I presented it as I thought it was, a recent editorial. My apologies, and click here to have the editorial explained. You can even heat it yourself in streaming audio. It may be a lot older than I thought, but it's still totally fucking cool.

More images coming in everyday. A very clear change in the mood. No longer our we staring in horror at pictures of destruction. Now we look forward to the coming challenge: Revenge.

From: Howard
Subject: something you may post
Murderers of our fair people,
Today your God looks down upon you with great shame.
No amount of your pain or suffering,
Can ever make your actions forgivable.
Your cowardly deeds may have stopped the hearts of many,
But it will never stop the heart of this nation.
As long as our nations heart beats,
You will be hunted.
Hunted by those who you attacked.
Hunted by the memory of those you have taken from us.
Hunted by the clock, because your time is short.
To those that have fallen victim to this crime.
Lay down now,
Rest easy,
For now you are in a better place than any of us can dream of!
by Howard

  Saturday, September 15, 2001
Not knowing where, and even how, to start writing anymore. I'll just hold my breath and jump. I moved the collection of wtc pics over here. Don't worry, I won't ever take it down, and I'll only continue to add to it. I just had to move it aside a bit, you know?

The images are still as haunting as they were the first time I saw them. Every time I close my eyes all I see is that horrible event replaying itself over and over again.

At thirty one years old, I thought I had conquered the monsters that had lived under my bed, in the closet and in the dark recesses of childhood fear. These demons keep you awake with images of tearing claws, piercing teeth and evil menacing grins. "Close your eyes little one, even for one moment, and I will eat you.", they say from the murky corners of darkened bedrooms.

Now they have returned.

This is from moby-online.

A Letter 9/14/2001 - New York City This letter was forwarded to me. It's from an Afghanistani man who lives here in the U.S. In my opinion it's worth reading. -Moby Dear Friends, I am from Afghanistan, and even though I've lived here for 35 years I've never lost track of what's been going on over there. So I want to share a few thoughts with anyone who will listen. I speak as one who hates the Taliban and Osama Bin Laden. There is no doubt in my mind that these people were responsible for the atrocity in New York. I fervently wish to see those monsters punished. But the Taliban and Bin Laden are not Afghanistan. They're not even the government of Afghanistan. The Taliban are a cult of ignorant psychotics who captured Afghanistan in 1997 and have been holding the country in bondage ever since. Bin Laden is a political criminal with a master plan. When you think Taliban, think Nazis. When you think Bin Laden, think Hitler. And when you think "the people of Afghanistan" think "the Jews in the concentration camps." It's not only that the Afghan people had nothing to do with this atrocity. They were the first victims of the perpetrators. They would love for someone to eliminate the Taliban and clear out the rats nest of international thugs holed up in their country. I guarantee it. Some say, if that's the case, why don't the Afghans rise up and overthrow the Taliban themselves? The answer is, they're starved, exhausted, damaged, and incapacitated. A few years ago, the United Nations estimated that there are 500,000 disabled orphans in Afghanistan-a country with no economy, no food. Millions of Afghans are widows of the approximately two million men killed during the war with the Soviets. And the Taliban has been executing these women for being women and has buried some of their opponents alive in mass graves. The soil of Afghanistan is littered with land mines and almost all the farms have been destroyed . The Afghan people have tried to overthrow the Taliban. They haven't been able to. We come now to the question of bombing Afghanistan back to the Stone Age. Trouble with that scheme is, it's already been done. The Soviets took care of it . Make the Afghans suffer? They're already suffering. Level their houses? Done. Turn their schools into piles of rubble? Done. Eradicate their hospitals? Done. Destroy their infrastructure? There is no infrastructure. Cut them off from medicine and health care? Too late. Someone already did all that. New bombs would only land in the rubble of earlier bombs. Would they at least get the Taliban? Not likely. In today's Afghanistan, only the Taliban eat, only they have the means to move around. They'd slip away and hide. (They have already, I hear.) Maybe the bombs would get some of those disabled orphans, they don't move too fast, they don't even have wheelchairs. But flying over Kabul and dropping bombs wouldn't really be a strike against the criminals who did this horrific thing. Actually it would be making common cause with the Taliban-by raping once again the people they've been raping all this time. I don't have a solution. But I do believe that suffering and poverty are the soil in which terrorism grows. Bin Laden and his cohorts want to bait us into creating more such soil, so they and their kind can flourish. We can't let him do that. That's my humble opinion. Tamim Ansary

If you haven't already read Jerry Falwell's comments, I suggest you do now. Because I've got something to say.

Among other gut wrenching revelations of just how low a sensationalist scumbag like Falwell will stoop for an angle, he said the American Civil Liberties Union has "got to take a lot of blame for this,".

I am a card carrying member of the ACLU.

It completely escapes my understanding that anyone with half a brain can possibly find fault with the ACLU, and organization sworn to protect the rights granted to all people of this great country. The ACLU works to protect our Amendment rights wherever and whenever they are challenged. This ranges form Roe v. Wade, the rights of homosexuals and even the rights of Neo Nazis to parade on Hitler's birthday. It's a mixed bag, but the point is we all have the same rights afforded to us; none more so than any others.

That is precisely where a glory mongering Neanderthal like Falwell draws his battle lines. He, and many of his wacko followers, believe that the Constitution was written for them alone.

It is in this way that Falwell, in his blindingly ignorant religious extremism, is cut of the same cloth as the a man who would pilot a plane into a building. Evil wearing only a different face, but evil non the less.

To even suggest that my supporting the right of woman to choose and abortion as provided under the law; supporting the rights of homosexuals as equal to any other man or woman in this country under the constitution; my choosing not to believe in God and not to attend church, is in any way responsible for the terrible tragedy that has befallen this great nation is an insult not only to the principles upon which this country was founded, but the very memory of all those that have died for those beliefs. It is also a direct insult to me and as such I denounce you Jerry Falwell for the fat, greasy fucking bastard that you are.

That you would weave such a fabric of hatred out the remnants or our tattered flag is an action has damned forever in my eyes. I am so fucking pissed off right now can barely type this. You are nothing more than an ambulance chasing charlatan, an opportunist interested in nothing other than self gain. Greedy pig. Unspeakable evil personified

Fuck you Falwell, and fuck you hard.

You stand on a pile of corpses and you dare to point your fat, unworked, uncalloused hands at me? If I were to see you today, on the streets of my town, I would be unable to prevent myself from beating you into the ground. Every punch aimed to lessen the pain and anguish I feel inside for what had befallen us as a Nation. Each blow to drive you and what you say, and those that would subscribe to your beliefs you straight down to hell.

I hope you die choking on your own blood.

  Friday, September 14, 2001
They say time heals all wounds. We'll see, I guess. I talked to a friend of mine in Manhattan for the first time tonight. We talked for awhile, made some jokes. It was good.

I know it's selfish, but I am so fucking glad she is OK. Just hearing her voice, it was the greatest thing you can imagine.

I've been getting a ton of mail. All of it good. I try to post as much as I can on the site, to share with you all. If anyone wants to, I have a message board to post anything you want to say. Feel free to use it to your hearts delight.

I'm going to get to some of that mail.

First up, this came in from multiple sources. I think it sounds like a great idea.

Friday Night at 7:00 p.m. step out your door, stop your car, or step out of your establishment and light a candle. We will show the world that Americans are strong and united together against terrorism. Please pass this to everyone on your e-mail list. We need to reach everyone across the United States quickly. The message:
WE STAND UNITED - WE WILL NOT TOLERATE TERRORISM!

Thank you. We need press to cover this - we need the world to see.

I'll be out. You can bet on it.

From: Mark
Subject: My sympathy's
I am an Englishman living in New Zealand and I still cannot grasp the situation. But on one thing you have my deepest sympathy and all the people I've talked to say the say thing.
This is NOT on. With NATO implementing Article 5 " an attack on one or more of the member state from an external force is an attack on all nations."
There are 19 members of Nato including the USA. That means The British, French and German (At last they are on the right side) armies are poised to give their all for the USA. I say lets kick some butt. I want to see a large smoking hole in the ground where these BASTARD live.
The main point about NATO is that they are not frighten of bombing villages and they wont piss about like the UN would. This is a good thing.
The USA has my deepest sympathy and if there was something I could do I would and will.

It never ceases to amaze me how far reaching this whole thing has become. It really is on a global scale. I appreciate everything you've said. Thanks for writing in.

From: Jeff
Subject: Good job
John,
Just wanted to say way to go, will be sporting stars and strips at the Cosmic Solstice this week-end as a show of respect and pride. Once again great job and keep up the good work.
Jeff in Flagstaff

Jeff, it's great to hear from you. I wish I was there to ride it too. I don't think I could ever be more motivated to pound up Mt. Elden. If I could just take a little bit back with every pedal stroke.

Have a great ride, all you guys. I'll be reading about it.

From: Anastasia
Subject: The WTC and your web site
I am a chick who reads the drunken cyclist. I have always thought you were funny as hell, today I think you are simply awesome. I am a doctoral student at Florida State University. I was driving to campus when I heard a plane had hit the WTC, then I heard there had been two, then I heard about the Pentagon, I watched the towers fall on TV at school. I am simply horrified. I want some fucking people to die. I have lost my ability to feel safe. They found a bomb at our capital building today. We know these assholes got trained in Florida. We seemed to help ourselves get screwed and that pisses me off more. I think we should tell all the Arab countries that we want bin Laden in 48 hours and when they don't produce him, we start bombing. Hell, we could take back the oil supply and solve terrorism in one fail swoop. We fund our own terror with the oil we buy. Doesn't anyone else find that ironic? Well I loved the tribute so thanks and God Bless America!

They've been rumored to exist. And here's the proof. Girls read this site and like it. I am a player.

This next article is fucking huge, so big in fact that you'll have to click over here to read it. It's good reading. I fond it answered a lot of questions, but brought up a whole lot of shit too. I say read it.

From: Brett
Subject: Canada supports USA
John, this came via the grape vine, enjoy.
Bart-ragbrai with the Ralph Cycles group out of Decorah.

THE UNITED STATES America: The Good Neighbor. Widespread but only partial news coverage was given recently to a remarkable editorial broadcast from Toronto by Gordon Sinclair, a Canadian television commentator. What follows is the full text of his trenchant remarks as printed in the Congressional Record: "This Canadian thinks it is time to speak up for the Americans as the most generous and possibly the least appreciated people on all the earth. Germany, Japan and, to a lesser extent, Britain and Italy were lifted out of the debris of war by the Americans who poured in billions of dollars and forgave other billions in debts. None of these countries is today paying even the interest on its remaining debts to the United States. When France was in danger of collapsing in 1956, it was the Americans who propped it up, and their reward was to be insulted and swindled on the streets of Paris. I was there. I saw it. When earthquakes hit distant cities, it is the United States that hurries in to help. This spring, 59 American communities were flattened by tornadoes. Nobody helped. The Marshall Plan and the Truman Policy pumped billions of dollars! into discouraged countries. Now newspapers in those countries are writing about the decadent, warmongering Americans. I'd like to see just one of those countries that is gloating over the erosion of the United States dollar build its own airplane. Does any other country in the world have a plane to equal the Boeing Jumbo Jet, the Lockheed Tri-Star, or the Douglas DC10? If so, why don't they fly them? Why do all the International lines except Russia fly American Planes? Why does no other land on earth even consider putting a man or woman on the moon? You talk about Japanese technocracy, and you get radios. You talk about German technocracy, and you get automobiles. You talk about American technocracy, and you find men on the moon -! not once, but several times - and safely home again. You talk about scandals, and the Americans put theirs right in the store window for everybody to look at. Even their draft-dodgers are not pursued and hounded. They are here on our streets, and most of them, unless they are breaking Canadian laws, are getting American dollars from ma and pa at home to spend here. When the railways of France, Germany and India were breaking down through age, it was the Americans who rebuilt them. When the Pennsylvania Railroad and the New York Central went broke, nobody loaned them an old caboose. Both are still broke. I can name you 5000 times when the Americans raced to the help of other people in trouble. Can you name me even one time when someone else raced to the Americans in trouble? I don't think there was outside help even during the San Francisco earthquake. Our neighbors have faced it alone, and I'm one Canadian who is damned tired of hearing them get kicked around. They will come out of this thing with their flag high. And when they do, they are entitled to thumb their nose at the lands that are gloating over their present troubles. I hope Canada is not one of those." Stand proud, America!

That one came in from a few sources too, thanks to all of you. I couldn't agree more. Just for that, I'm drinking Canadian beer. And after a couple of beers, I think you might want to read this editoral. And, if it's pictures you want, check this out. Be warned, it's pretty fucking hardcore.

From: Rodney
Subject: some flags
Here are some sexy flags! Still searching for some ribbons, but I did put some flags up in my car. I was home sick with strep throat today, so I was newsman on fark today and updated the comment groups with what was happening. Look for OminatorX in the comments. If I'm out tomorrow, I'll be there again!
Peace brother and enjoy,
Rodney

You knew it was coming. I can't stay away from it for long. Here is six more of my own. I was saving these beauties for a special occasion. What could be more special that right now? What the hell, I need this.

One more thing. What the fuck is up with the number eleven?

The date of the attack: 9/11 - 9 + 1 + 1 = 11 September 11th is the 254th day of the year: 2 + 5 + 4 = 11 After September 11th there are 111 days left to the end of the year. 119 is the area code to Iraq/Iran. 1 + 1 + 9 = 11 Twin Towers - standing side by side, looks like the number 11 The first plane to hit the towers was Flight 11 State of New York - The 11th State added to the Union New York City - 11 Letters Afghanistan - 11 Letters The Pentagon - 11 Letters Ramzi Yousef - 11 Letters (convicted or orchestrating the attack on the WTC in 1993) Flight 11 - 92 on board - 9 + 2 = 11 Flight 77 - 65 on board - 6 + 5 = 11

I don't get it. Anyone?

  Thursday, September 13, 2001

From: Rodney Subject: Toronto Sun front page This one says it all Rodney You know what, Rodney? It really does. I can't really improve on that at all. I wish I had something to say. I used to just sit down at the keyboard and it would all just flow out onto the screen. Not this week. I keep starting with one thing, deleting it and starting over. I just keep staring at the pictures. And then I read something like this. Jesus.

It's 3 a.m. right now, I can't sleep anymore.

Last night was even worse.

Anyone else want this dickhead dead?

So, I'm sitting in front of my computer in a pair of boxer shorts and a cowboy hat. Why the cowboy hat, you ask? Because I just read the official Iraqi statement:

    "The American cowboys are reaping the fruit of their crimes against humanity."

Oh, I got your fucking cowboy, buddy. Right here.

Sheikh Yassin, leader of the Islamic militant group Hamas, said "no doubt this is a result of injustice the U.S practices against the weak in the world."

Uh, huh. And the whole thing with the plane, that wasn't picking on the weak? Killing people that have absolutely nothing to do with your problems is a good idea? Wait to you see what we practice next, on you.

From Gaza, Islamic Jihad official Nafez Azzam said "what happened in the United States today is a consequence of American policies in this region."

You don't like the American policies where you live? OK. We'll change them; drastically. I don't think you're going to like the new policies either. In fact, I'm pretty damned sure you're going to like it even less. It's going to come down like rain on you morons. Think about that, fuckstick.

From: Rodney
Subject: passenger list
Big Jon,
Here is a list of the passengers. This is very sad. It has been hard to hold back the tears since I left my Sociology class Tuesday. We had a test and after we finished were told our homework was to find out what happened during class and to be prepared Thursday to talk about it. I left class wondering, WTF is going on and entered an elevator with another co-worker(I am taking classes at the community college that I work at) and was told of what happened. I ran to our counseling center where a tv was displaying the horror. Since then, I have been grabbing every image, every document, every item I can on all the information made available. I cannot work, I cannot study, I cannot concentrate on anything but this event. It has taken away the freedom I once had, it is hard not to walk around and think "It can't happen here." I am getting ready to go to DC next month to see the Redskins play the Panthers. I have been thinking, "what if" I was there during this, thank God I was not flying this time. I am not going to alter my life because of these faceless bastards but I am going to show caution. I have never been a violent person or one who wants to waste brain cells on harboring hate for anyone. This event has changed my psyche forever, the video of the planes going into the WTC are branded in my mind forever!
I will never forget!!!
I will wear my red, white and blue ribbon tomorrow with pride of being an American!!

Another great letter. Thanks to all of you guys for sending stuff in. Some of you ask that your letters are not posted, and I'll respect that. Thanks for sharing.

I'm not going to post the passenger list because a more up to date version exists at CNN.com. A site like that can keep the list current more readily than I can.

And, finally, I'll leave you with this.

From: Stanley
Subject: Texan
I never thought I would say this but for the first time I'm glad we have a Texan in the office.
Give'em hell Bush.

From: northwave
Subject: Sincere support
Lost for words following yesterdays events. Respect what you're doing with the site.

Living with the constant threat of terrorism has been a way of life on this side of the pond for years, even though it has tended to be restricted to Northern Ireland. Then every once in a while the shit gets blown out of something to help 'bring attention to the cause' of dissatisfied groups. Here in Manchester, the city took the brunt a few years back, but London gets hit more often. There is increasing talk of a global threat from terrorism which may change the way in which conflict in future generations is perceived.

The horror of what happened in the USA on Tuesday is the scale of the disaster that has occurred. Many people think that actions speak louder than words, but as Buddhists, emancipation movements, trade unions and many others have demonstrated over the years, the actions that have the biggest impact are those that are peaceful, mass protests and those that disrupt everyday life, bringing attention to the cause, but not endangering life. Recently this philosophy of protest seems to have disappeared and our inability to express our views has erupted in violence such as that associated with the Anti- Capitalism protests at Genoa. Of course inherent in this, we are dealing with factions who hide within larger organisations with the express aim of creating terror through violence. Osama Bin Laden may seem just like the architypal James Bond bad guy and he is representative of the evil elements inherent in societies, but like Saddam Hussain, eliminating him will just see his replacement by subordinates who subscribe to his ethos.

The big problem society faces is how to deal with underground movements, who adopt guerilla tactics and terrorism. White supremacists, Basque separatists, tensions in the Middle East and Northern Ireland, in all of these situations large numbers of innocent civilians have died in politically motivated bombings and attacks against the establishment and during military reprisals that attempt to neutralise those forces creating violence. What governments need to do is keep a cool head, not react in an immediate retaliatory manner. They need to address the causes of the unrest, not the results. This as various efforts to restore peace have shown is no easy task, but it does not mean we should give up after our first attempts fail.

I'm ranting and no doubt coming across as a pacifist, which isn't what I intended. There is a need for timely, calculated, demonstrations of force, but misusing this power may lead to irreversible escalations of conflict. For now all of our resources and efforts need to be focused on saving those affected by this atrocity and rebuilding lives.

Thank you.

Video is hard to get because of bandwidth issues. Try these two: Click here and then click over here. No promises, but they worked good for me.

From: Bill
Subject: RE: Hola from the fat man
Yo,
Thanks for the email. Checked out the site today and have to congratulate you on your symbolic tribute on the tragedy. Thanks for showing that porn, bikes and beer are fun, but unfortunately, very insignificant in the big picture. Good luck up Idaho way and hope to chat under better circumstances next time.

I look forward to that, Bill.

  Tuesday, September 11, 2001

Where to start?

I'm fucking pissed the fuck off. I hate this. I hate the fact that we, as human beings, are actually capable of such horror.

What a fucking waste.

I let myself go a little with my intro page today, but fuck... The way I feel right now, I could start shooting mother fuckers and I would sleep just fine. I want to rid the world of people who would do this.

And, in doing do, I am no better than an animal.

Guys, this sucks. I don't really feel like being funny. I don't feel like linking any porn.

After a few drinks at the bar I'm ready to post some reader mail. I think these two a worth reading. I hope you do too.

From: emelio
Subject: destruction
It was very unfortunate that so many innocent people died today. It takes an evil mind and a desperate situation to make people kill so indiscriminately. It is for that reason that we should not go killing people for the sake of REVENGE. The terrorist attacks today were acts of retaliation upon us. It was an attempt to turn some of the violence that we freely dispense in that part of the world back upon the source. We are hated in the Middle East because we are an evil corporate state that is interested in these people only for use as cannon fodder against other Middle Eastern countries. If it is Usama bin Laden that is responsible, it is our fault. He was CIA trained and funded. We manufacture these evil fuckers to use against each other and then get pissed off when they come to the realization that the US and American corporations are the real menace to their society.
So now is not to time to bomb innocent people. Now is the time to try and not be the evil bastards that we historically are. Rant for peace, not idiotic violence.

Dude, I hear you. I don't know what is right. But I can tell you what wrong is. Flying a plane of innocent people into a building full of innocent people is fucking wrong.

I want peace. I want things like what happened today to never happen again. I want my children to grow up in a world where they are safe. But, I don't know how to make that ideal a reality. Today, may I be right or wrong, I think that removing the "bad apples" from the equation is the answer.

We, as a country, need to set an example. You cannot back down to a spoiled child. And we cannot back down to these pissant terrorists. I think we need to give it back ten fold.

The hard part is to do so with restraint and civility. I look to Colin Powell, who was there as out armed forces pulled back the reigns in Saudi Arabia to do so.

It's a fine line: punish those responsible, and spare the innocents.

And, I'm afraid to admit, even to myself it seems, that the bombs that will drop all over the middle east by this time tomorrow are going to kill women and children and innocents of all ages.

If that happens, and it probably will, nothing will change. Those that hate us as Americans will continue to do so. Those that plot against us will do they same. We will have gained nothing. Our retaliatory strikes will only serve to greater galvanize the hatred. Nothing will come of this but more pain.

From: cuth
Subject:
hey jonny-
thanks...
thanks for the words and method of delivery that only you could give under current circumstances. your presentation, a blank page delivering a message that all of us can hopefully identify with in one way or another, is a great departure from the DC norm that demonstrates class and an overwhelming display of respect and sympathy.
I applaud you for your sensitivity in this great time of tragedy.
Avenge WTC!

Cuth baby, I'm just glad that I can help you out in any way. I wish this day never happened. I really appreciate what you said.

God Bless America.

  Tuesday, September 11, 2001

Those fucking assholes.

I have never felt prouder to be an American.

This is the most fucked up thing I have ever experienced.
It is the JFK assassination of my generation.
The world will never be the same after this.

Any empathy I previously felt for Palestine, or any of those other bastards is now gone.
What the fuck where those guys thinking?
Don't they have any idea of the shitstorm they've started?
Do you think anyone cares about their grievances?

I don't. Fuck 'em.

They are dancing in the streets in Palestine right now.

I've made a lot of jokes about our President.
As of right now I support him 100%.
Bomb those assholes into the fucking stone age.

I'm all for it.

  Tuesday, September 11, 2001
Yes it's true. Wedgies waiting to happen and Jonny Knoxville getting railed by a car can be seen over at hoopee.com. If that's not fun, I don't know what is.

I found, totally by accident, a website that linked to me without it being one of those link exchange deals where someone writes you, hey I like your site, blah blah blah. First time, ever. There may be others out there somewhere. Good to know. I could just cry.

From: Olberding
Subject: little fish in a big pond
First time writing to you, I'd just like to relate my experience at the Pahrump race this last weekend. It was nice to read Rubelt's account about suffering. I realize I'm the little fish in the bigger expert pond now days, but damn if that wasn't rough. I thought my decent results in sport would allow an easy transfer into the expert category. Those boys stomped me, teased me, and I'm pretty sure I was about 2 seconds away from getting my assed kicked by some pissed off guy who wasn't allowed to race due to showing up to late. It was the best eye-opening thing that could of happened to me. I think Tex had like 20 minutes! on me, 20 minutes! Jesus Christ, sure I could lay on the excuses, but a Championship in sport doesn't mean shit when lining up with guys that actually train and ride alot. Now I have a focus on what I have to do for the next few months to try and not embarrass myself when our MBAA series starts this Fall. I just wanted to thank all the guys (and girls) that handed it to me this weekend. I'll be ready come Casa Grande.

My brother, I hear you. On my best day, I couldn't even hand those guys up a raincoat. They'd send me back to the team car, and that's the last they'd see of me. No matter how good I thought I was riding, the sad reality was always one short drive to Flagstaff away. I think my standard line this year was, "Excuse me, is that my ass over there? Could you hand it to me, please?" In a way, I'm kinda relieved to be living somewhere with an actual winter. I don't' want to start with the racing again. Sure, I'll be fatter than Jan Ullrich after Christmas, but fuck it.

Sure I can't read Spanish, but I think I'm getting the vibe over here. This girl is a train wreck, but those are bicycles in the background, so I have to link it.

  Monday, September 10, 2001
Ever heard of Sleepy lagoon? I thought it was a Scooby Doo mystery. Shows what I know. I'm pretty out of touch with lowriders, gang lettering and barrio history. But, they do have lots of pics and videos featuring incredibly hot strippers, the type you see on the cover of lowrider magazine. If fake boobs and huge hair are your thing, then this site is a must see. You could spend most of your morning enjoying all the fine breasts over there.

For now, all I have on the San Francisco Grand Prix is this report from cyclingnews.com. Hincapie of the Postal Service takes it, with Michael Barry (saturn) and Trent Klasna (saturn) rounding out the podium spots. Maybe I'll have some pics later today. Sounds like it was fun, wish I could've been there. Maybe I'll have some pics later today.

Speaking of pics, check out this totally badass webpage. Those chicks are totally smokin and the script is fucking great. Now that's how you put together a webpage. Makes this thing look like a pile of shit. Now I'm all embarrassed. Fuck.

Even the links from that page are cool. Am I totally without hope? How the fuck did my site ever get so boring? Ugh. Man, I gotta hurry up with the new goods before I hang myself.

I think I'll try something different than small font for emails that I post. I wouldn't want anyone to hurt their eyes (dave). Ragbrai, the legend continues:

From: Ed Subject: no subject Yo Bro, We met riding into Coralville on Ragbrai. I don't know if you remember. It seems from your messages on the site that you, like me, cannot recall shit from Iowa due to the overconsumption of everything. We were hauling-ass in a big draft line behind a tandem. They stopped for water and we kept riding. I was riding a red Schwinn mountain bike and was not wearing a helmet, though I assure you I was "safe." Anyway, you mentioned your site. I checked it out and cannot being to describe how proud I am to have met you. You have assembled all of the finest from the world of cycling and have shown dedication to the things I value most about it. Though this year's Ragbrai seemed to be stacked against those who like to consume before and during the ride, I agree that it was an epic. I want to not drink any Anheuiser Busch products for another 50 weeks as I caught more than my share of Bud Light's typically beginning at mile 10 of any given day, but sincerely look forward to next year's ride. Well, I thought I'd just let you know I checked out your site per your recommendation and enjoyed crossing paths with you in the windy hills of beautiful Eastern Iowa. Sorry you're sick as shit. The mountain biking where I live in SLC, UT is just starting to get _really_ good. If you happen to be coming this way don't hesitate to drop a line.

I remember. Good times. Who was that other guy we were riding with? He had that crazy old blue road bike, bolted on wheels, platform pedals, and the smallest helmet I've ever seen. Was that guy a friend of yours? No matter. All I know is that I can't wait to go back. I know what you mean about the Bud Light thing. After a week, I thought drinking a Budweiser first thing in the morning was as acceptable as ordering a glass of orange juice from Denny's. Fuck, everyone is doing it. Click here for Ragbrai pics.

Porn. Isn't it great?

I added a few new links today as well. The Fark is good reading. Lots of interesting, weird stuff. Like if you run Yesterday's update throught the pornolizer just for kicks.

There was a race in sunny, wonderful Arizona this weekend. I missed it, stupid fat ass, but these guys didn't. Read it and weep.

From: Vlade Subject: So what is up with you? Just did the Crown King mtb race yesterday, what a fucking bitch, the absolute hardest race I have ever done on a single speed! matter of fact, it even broke my singlespeed, cracked the rear triangle. So now I am in search of a new Single speed frame. oh'yeah, back to the race. 15 miles 3000 ft. of climbing and it started with over 2000 of it in the first 5 miles. A climb that took over 40 minutes to hike! It was so steep that a lot of geared riders were walking. Hell, even Wilcox dropped out after 1 lap(he registered for expert/ 2 laps) I was the only singlespeed to finish. Hard core! G.G. aka, garden gnome, took the pro/expert race to the line. He was the big winner, a gentlemen's finish that got out of control heading into traffic in front of the two saloons. well, I'm sure the gnome will give you the first hand story. this is Vlade, singing off. later sexy, see you in Vegas.

Looks like someone needs a new Surly. Vlade, your ass is mine in Vegas. I'm going to get you drunk, and impale you. Just like I did to Wilcox at the Grand Canyon. And don't' worry, its not gay if your drugged. And you will be. Just like Jim. Not to be outdone, here is the Garden Gnome.

From: DH Subject: no subject Hey can you make that font a little smaller. I mean shit, I have to get a fucking magnifying glass out. Oh yea shit Big bird, I also have a nice race report. However, I don't make out with much for money but... For the first time since I moved to this fucking state, I had to ride a climb so fucking steep and long that it took 30 minutes to crest it in the granniest if Granny rings. Not since the old Sunrise Ski resort course had there been such fun? Crown King Baby! Too small to live there, but man is that place coolio. I regret not cruzing up there with you and Head Case for a cold one. So we start with much the same mix as Jake reported; lots of experts and a few sorta-pro's like myself and Keller, oh and fat assed Bounds. Anyhow, the start goes typically with old Davey leading it out like usual. It always goes that way. I'm such an idiot at the start. But the good thing is that Scott Keller and I start sailing away from the main field and I don't blow as is usually the norm. So we are cruzing up this first death march of 3 miles and 1000 feet. I mean straight fucking up. Ophir and Powers finally bridge up to us after a bad start and Ophir takes the lead. Now, none of use had pre-ridden the course so, when what looks like the last corner of the climb comes, Ophir attacks and launches around the corner. This is the funny thing. That mother fucker is built just like Vaughters; skinny as all hell and built to go up hill like a mad man. So when he rounds that corner and sees an endless amount of climbing still to go he started bit! ch'n up a storm. Sure it sucked. Suffering always sucks but, as I was sitting there spinning away I thought it so Ironic that he was pitch'n such a bitch about climbing. Perhaps you had to be there but it was funny to see the mental meltdown. So anyway, once to the top, we sail down old mining roads and Ophir is dropped like the affore mention tranny in Snakes firebird. Powers Keller and me. We get out onto the virgin singletrack and start romping. We are racing blind and blowing turns left and right. Finally out onto more exposed mining road and I wreck hard. I think that due to the lack of interest that my benevolent sponsor has in my or any other racers racing, the bald assed tired just let go throwing me down hard. Bent chain, bruised and battered I chase on, I finally bridge back up with the boys and set tempo at the front as we climb back up the main road into town. 1:30 on the clock so far for the first lap and we still have a second to go. Back up the climb Powers flatted and Keller blows to high heaven so I'm alone at the lead on the climb. Keller never recovers but Powers finally bridges the gap to me after about 3/4ths of the lap. So we cruise, no one in sight and we are discussing theories on training and life and who knows what as we head up the main road. No problems for us we just cruise on in with the thing wrapped up. The good part was that Powers was racing collegiate that day so we weren't in direct competition otherwise that last hour of the race would have been horrible. At 3 hours and 13 minutes he and I finally get it the finish. We have a "gentleman's" sprint from about 75 meters out. I drop a chain on the wornout chainrings I have and he gets the official win. But in the end I pick up the prize for first in Pro/exp and we all go home happy. Oh, how much did I get for the suffering? Well, as is usual AZ style, why pay out too much to the racers. I collected a cool 100 dollars. Just enough to get me out of the hole on gas and ! registration. Oh well, that's not what it's about right? Fucking whatever. A good race though and I'll do it again next year. Crown King Rocks

Maybe this shit wouldn't be so hard to read if you guys tried writing in complete sentences and paragraphs? You want I should buy you some big, red "I'm just learning" pencils and paper with really big lines on it? Jesus, you need a college degree to decipher the shit you send me. Good thing I have a college degree I'm not using for anything else.

I fucking love it. I'm the new Larry Flint of the Bicycle Industry. Without the wheelchair. I have a bike instead.

  Sunday, September 9, 2001
Ah, home on a Sunday morning. My cold is getting better, thank God. Today, I'll work on the website some more so everyone has something nice to look at Monday morning at work. Here is a race report worth reading.

From: Jake
Subject: props
Yo what up shit bird?
alright enough of the pleasantries, time to get down to business. Just thought that I would write in a race report so you would still know what's going on down here in the this part of the woods. Tex and I decided to go to Nevada and try and win some money, the old fashion way. By dropping the hammer and puttin some people in the pain cave. Well needless to say as we showed up in Puhrump Nevada the city with the most cat houses in the state we knew things were going according to plan. Pre ride nothing to report here just and easy 7 mile loop with only one section that we couldn't big ring. oh well we cant do it all. one note here for all those wanting to be pro and wondering why the hell your getting beat by 10 minutes on the same course that we do. Words to live by leave it in your big chain ring and fucking suffer. thats what wins races. sons of bitches. Anyhow race day there are not enough pros to fill a field so we are grouped in with the experts. No problem. Tex and I jump away in the first mile or so to get a nice gap by the end of the first lap. almost 3 minutes. Tex and me were having a field day. A clinic sorta speak. Anyway I tell TEX to go and try for the course record. So he drops me like a bad tranny out of a fire bird. right after he drops me I get my first flat. shit. There goes the plan. So I find out that I have a cut in my tire like and inch long. Time for a tire boot. So this takes me like 5 minutes and 3 guys pass me. Time to chase. In the mean time TEX has like 7 minutes on everyone and is probably having a few cold drinks while the rest of us chase like mad. So it take me the whole 3 lap to catch back up to 2nd place and pass the dude. at the end of this lap I have another flat. Shiiitttttttt. Oh well change that bitch and have just enough air left in the big air to get going again. So this is where the pain cave comes in. I chase for almost 3/4 the lap when I catch the same 3 guys who passed me again while I was changing the second flat. The first guys starts swearing when I catch him because he cant believe how slow he is. the other two just let me by and never say a word because we have already had a conversation when I passed them the first time. So now I am still going for the course record myself. Even though TEX already has it wrapped up. Bam I'm down, I fucking wreck about a mile from the finish. Shit injury to insult. A lesser man probably would have slowed down after this. I say fuck it push the envelope or quit. So I rail in to the finish and get 2nd over all with TEX coming in a commanding 1st. The old course record 2:05 and some change TEX ran a 1:49 and change almost 16 minutes faster. I ran a 2:01 and some change. TEX sets a new record and wins a statechampion jersey a plaque that we needed a truck to haul home and a grand. oh yea did I forget to mention the prize list 1000 for 1st, 500 for 2nd and so on. So TEX gets a Grand and the snake gets second to the tune of 500. so the lessons are
1. stay in the big ring and suffer
2. never give up when there's money on the line
3. Always go to the races that have a good prize list
oh yeah big jonny hope the your doing well
snake

I don't know whether to laugh, cry, or both. Thank you Jake for another uplifting story about a boy from a small town who makes it big in the city. Joyous. And, he called me "shit bird". How cute.

Any way you look at it, those girls are naked. And hot. I wish I was hot. I'd settle for warm at this point. I am such a fucking pussy after six years in Phoenix. If I can't stand it when the temp goes below 60, I'm fucked this winter. It's going to be colder that a witches tit up here in a few months.

With out letting too much out of the bag, I've got some new ideas in the works over here at drunkcyclist.com. For those of you that don't know, this whole train wreck of a website started one year ago this month, September 23rd. (*warning* if ya do go back and check out some of that really old shit, be forewarned: most of those links don't really go where they used to.) It sure has changes a lot since then. Hell, I used to be hosted by sexhound. I think this thing needs a birthday facelift.

  Saturday, September 8, 2001
This would be the second editon update. I'm stuck in the house today as I am getting a cold. I haven't ridden a bike since last Sunday, and I can't even muster up the strength beat off. Oh, it's a life I guess.

cyclingnews.com

I've got the body aches and a headache that's pounding to beat the band. Good times. I think I drank 400 glasses of water starting last night at dinner. (Yeah, I'm at a resturant/bar, with my own pitcher of water. Fuckin' loser.) A gallon of orange juice to top it all off. I've been pounding pills like a Judas Priest roadie, and it ain't helping. I haven't had a beer in days and it's killing me. Not really, but it's fun to say.

The part that really pisses me off is tomorrow is Moscow Mountain Madness. It's a mountain bike race. Last week I felt like fucking Superman. I couldn't wait. This weekend, I feel like 12 dollars. I want to crawl under a rock.

So, I've been digging around in all the old crap I've got laying around and fournd this gem. Sure it's old, but it's still funny. At least to me:

INNER SKELETON A 63yr old widow was admitted to the hospital in Recife, Brazil, suffering abdominal pains. X-rays showed that she was carrying a 20 inch long skeleton of a fetus which she conceived a decade earlier. It had become lodged outside the womb and was never expelled from her body.   FEMALE SOFA A 500 lb. woman from Illinois was examined in a hospital. During the examination, an asthma inhaler fell from under her armpit, a dime was found under one of her breasts and a remote control was found lodged between the folds of her vulva.   PRICKLY PAIR In Michigan, a man came into the ER with lacerations to his penis. He complained that his wife had "...a rat in her privates..." and it bit him during sex. After an examination of his wife, it was revealed that she had a surgical needle left inside her after a recent hysterectomy.   PING PONG ANYONE? A 20yr old man came into the ER with a stony mass in his rectum. He said that he and his boyfriend were fooling around with concrete mix, then his boyfriend had the idea of pouring the mix into his anus using a funnel. The concrete then hardened, causing constipation and pain. Under general anesthesia, a perfect concrete cast of the man's rectum was removed, along with a ping pong ball.   BLIND DRUNK A drunk staggered into a Pennsylvania ER complaining of severe pain while trying to remove his contact lenses. He said that they would come out halfway, but they always popped back in. A nurse tried to help using a suction pump, but without success. Finally, a doctor examined him and discovered the 20 year old man did not have his contact lenses in at all. He had been trying to rip out the membrane of his cornea.   OUCH AND DOUBLE OUCH! A couple hobbled into a Washington state emergency room covered in bloody restaurant towels. The man had his around his waist and the woman had hers around her head. They eventually explained to doctors that they had gone out that evening for a romantic dinner. Overcome with passion, the woman crept under the table to administer oral sex to the man. While in the act, she had an epileptic fit, which caused her to clamp down on the man's penis and wrench it from side to side. In agony and desperation, the man grabbed a fork and stabbed her in the head until she let go.

Microsoft Keyboard

Here's an mpeg called tuff runnin without that annoying stileproject shit written all over it. Maybe I should start superimposing drunkcyclist all over every pic and vid I post? By the way, burntime still kicks ass. What could be cooler that a Murray bike, an adjustable wrench and a new pair a Addidas sneakers?

Check out the good times over scooter death. I've been playing for hours. I just can't get enough.

  Saturday, September 8, 2001
I want to thank everyone that sent in messages concerning my friend the heroin addict. It fucking sucks. Thanks for the words of support and all that. It helps.

I'm pretty sure I already linked the Sky Lopez page, but, fuck. She's pretty hot and we all could benifit from seeing that ass again. It makes me feel like a better person, and I hope it has the same effect on you.

Some comments on yesterday's post.

From: Northwave
Subject: Dire Consequences
A dilemma.
The problem with sailing close to the wind in any situation is that it's okay until you get caught. It's a bit like speeding in a car. You know where the speed cameras are, but you don't know where the unmarked police cars are. It's a risk. Risk gives you a thrill. Thrills are addictive, so you take more risks to satisfy your habit. One day you might just push it that bit too far and the rickety tower of rule manipulations you've been ascending, collapses beneath you. Then you realize that the consequences of risk = a world of a trouble.
Avoiding find yourself up to your neck in all kinds of shit is part of the thrill. Landing that first 10 foot gap jump dismisses the butterflies and instills the confidence to try the twenty. Unfortunately confidence is no substitute for skill and ability, so risk remains inherent. At the end of the day, everyday stuff like crossing the street is a risk. It's just that crossing the street blindfolded, riding backwards in rush hour is riskier. Suppose that's why a lot of people just get out there and ride. You're testing yourself physically and pushing yourself mentally. You get a buzz.
Laws just lay down the consequences of pushing the boundaries in black and white. Rules are made to be broken, so their formulation just pushes the cyclical process to the next level. So as you say, burn baby, burn. There are those of us who take risks (some more than others) and those of us who live life within the confines and limits set by those assumed to know best. What you have to ask is where do I feel comfortable?
Good to see you posting again.

That is so damn good, it doesn't leave much for me to say except: How about that fucking David Millar! And, he's a fan of this site, don't ya know. I don't imagine he'll be much of a threat to win the whole enchilada. But, who knows? I can't seem to pick anything right this year. Go get 'em Dave.

I linked to a new site today, pure gonzo. Hunter S. Thompson lives on throught the work of these fine young men. You can see there nice little Simpson's inspired link button over there on the left somewhere. Funny stuff. At least, I laughed. You might too.

All I have to listen on the radio up here is NPR. Good old National Public Radio. If I were any more caught up on current events, I'd be working for CNN. It's fucking sick, I tell ya.

Republicans and Democrats, Democrats and Republicans. Yee Haa. Maybe it is time for a third party. Ralph Nadar and his green brigade couldn't quite pass muster, but the need is there. What currently exists in our two party system, pretty much sucks.

What I, and I hope I am not alone, think we need is a new progressive direction socially. Black, white, gay, straight: all equal. Until we as a people, a country, can come to grips with that simple concept, we are stuck fast in the mire of ignorance and hate.

It shouldn't matter what color someone's skin is, or for that matter, what gets them off in the bedroom. Human is human. Full stop.

No one should go hungry in a country such as ours. I can't believe anyone, anywhere still gets Polio. It pisses me off that skin color, or where you were born plays as big a role as it does in the quality of medical service available.

Why am I turning drunkcyclist into a political sounding board? Simply put, I have nothing else to talk about. I ride my road bike around, by myself, and mull over what I heard on NPR. Believe me, I come up with all of the solutions to the worlds problems out there in the wheat fields. I just forget all of it by the time I get back home.

In addition to mind numbing amounts of National Public Radio I have been listening to, rediscovering if you will, some old tape cassettes. The three stand outs getting mad play on my every revolving tape decks are: G.B.H. The Clay Years 1981 to 1984, The B-52's Party Mix / Mesopotamia, and the Sex Pistols Never Mind The Bullocks Here's The Sex Pistols.

Can you tell that I'm bored out of my fucking mind yet?

I tell ya, I can't wait for something, anything, to happen around here.

  Friday, September 7, 2001
So, I got some mail today, just like everyday. This brings up some interesting points. All of which I know absolutely nothing about. Read on.

From: inmaniac
Subject: You ROCK SO much (eventhough you break about 100 laws)
I love your site. WOW! All the porn is great. I am not a cyclist, but a friend of mine is and turned me on to your site. I am thinking of taking on cycling. I think I should trim up a bit first though because I hear it is pretty intense. I am 98. Do you think I am too old? (Just kidding).
You have probably heard this 1000 times and I hope you don't get pissed off by me saying it. (Again I love your site and don't change a thing). Most sites that have porn have a warning message saying that you must be 18 to get in. I think there is a law that says you should do that (but I could be wrong and may not know what I am talking about). Here is a link to another site that has posted the so-called law.
Your total disregard is just too cool. Seriously.
Anyway, is that really a picture of you, your wife, and little girl on Sept 6th? That shit is hilarious!
Rock on man. Rock on!

Nah, that ain't me and the wife. We look more like this here couple. Anyone know how close I really am to spending some time behind bars? Anyone?

Because I'd like to know how in the fuck I'm supposed to fucking comply with that law. Its impossible to do. The web is covered with filth. Been to the stileproject lately? How about snowsurfer? At least he has a gateway page that asks you promise that you are over the age of eighteen. But, that isn't what the law says you are required to do; not even close.

Here is the law, word for fucking word:

(5) It is an affirmative defense to prosecution under this subsection that the defendant restricted access to material that is harmful to minors by persons under 17 years of age by requiring use of a verified credit card, debit account, adult access code, or adult personal identification number or in accordance with such other procedures as the Commission may prescribe.

Flames, baby, flames.

  Thursday, September 6, 2001
I've created some new galleries for your viewing pleasure. That ought to be easy enough for everyone.

Try and not break your penis. Ralph, this means you.

For all of you waiting for stickers, I'm trying. I'll get something in the mail. Soon. I can't even find where in the hell I put the envelopes around here. Lame excuse, I know. But where in the fuck did I put those things. And while I'm at it, anyone seen my friggin stamps? I swear to God, I'm going to start breaking shit in about two more minutes.

I only have black ones, but as soon as the whites show up, you'll know.

Anyone else looking forward to Interbike, and the drunken mess Vegas promises to be? I know I am. Hell, I'm seriously considering parlaying that trip into a two week vacation. Why not?

I got this in the mail from the one and only Tom. Thanks. Here it is, something about an acrobatic slut.

I had a little "problem" with my mail yesterday and most of today. It's all fixed now, so resume the porn avalanche please. This nice little link to a topless in Texas website showed up on the messages boards today. I've been to Texas and let me tell you, when I was there it wasn't anything like that. But I wish it was. Maybe I just have bad breath or something?

  Wednesday, September 5, 2001
It's good to be back. You don't realize what you have until it's gone, baby. Oh yeah.

It was actually honest to goodness cold here in Idaho today. I call the 60's cold. Phoenix made me a softy. I guess it's relative, most of the locals were in shorts and t-shirts. Me? I had on long sleeves and pants. I'm going to die this winter, that's for sure.

I got to set up some mouse traps around the house tonight. Phoenix has cockroaches and Moscow has mice. I'll take the mice any day, at least they're fucking mammals for Christ's sake. Cockroaches are straight from hell. No doubt about it.

With my luck, tomorrow will bring the cockroaches. All over the damn house. Why? Because whatever God there is hates my fucking guts.

It's the same reason I end up plowing into an unwavering headwind every time I ride a bike around here. I can turn 90 degrees to the left three corners in a row, and hit the wind each time. It's just not possible and it happens anyway. Fuck me.

I posted a mpeg in a jetski chat room tonight for the hell of it. It was fun.

I heard the Hank the Dwarf is dead. I'll miss that angry, drunken bastard. Funny little man had to much to drink. Watch him fall down. Point and laugh children.

  Tuesday, September 4, 2001
What to say, what to think. What to do. Any ideas?

I need reader mail, and I need it now. God damn it, this thinking for myself shit sucks. I can't handle it, I tell ya. I just can't.

You ask, my brothers, and you shall receive.

Having just un-AOLed my outlook express, I'm am now downloading 278 unread mail messages. Do you have any idea of the shit storm that's about to hit me?

Fuck. And to think I was complaining about not being online anymore.

Stupid, stupid, stupid.

Man, it's been a long time since I've been in the old saddle. If ya know what I'm sayin. And I think you all do. Without further ado, here is the much anticipated Gallery 14. Fuck, I know I like it. Boobs, boobs, boobs, and more friggin boobs.

Go look at this. They even have some kick ass wallpaper that I'm using right friggin now.

Jake Rubelt straight player. I coulda been a contender.

Hell, while we're at it, see if works. It just might. For a little while anyway. And, this too. Same old story.

Does this sound frighteningly familiar? It did to me.