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Finally got a start on the new Jenna Jameson gallery. It's a labor of love, really. And, some new naked Asian chick photos showed up in the mailbox, so I just had to post them too. Outstanding work, gentleman. Keep sending me porn. Got an interesting phone call today. I guy I went to high school with back in Pennsylvania is here in Phoenix on a business trip. He heard that I was living out here, so he looked me up in the phone book. I haven't laid eye's on this guy in, shit, it's got to be something like seven years. I met him for dinner and we caught up on old times. My Dad's retired, his is about to. My sister's married, his has a son. We're both married. Quite a few things change in the better part of ten years. When I started talking to him, it seemed like I saw him last week. It's amazing that so much time can go by and nothing really seems to change about the type of person you are. He's still the same guy. He still laughs at the same jokes. Pretty cool stuff. On another, but equally fun topic, I'm going to post a series of e-mails tomorrow. Oh, you have no idea. It's fucking great. A guy sends a girl note. Girl finds out she's not the only girl. Girl forwards love letter to all guys contacts. Some of the contacts write back. Girl writes contacts back. Contacts write back again. It just goes on and on and on. So, tomorrow you can live through the pain of others, as I have. It's family type, feel good shit.
You guessed it. One of the stolen bikes. Can you imagine what it must be like to greet a customer at the door, say, "Yeah, sure man. I can fix your tire today. Roll your bike on in." And then see this fucking jackass bring in your own bike. It sure could've gotten ugly. We called the cops, and yadda yadda yadda, stolen bike returned. What a fucking weird thing to see unfold in front of your eyes. I almost can't explain it. The range of emotions I witnessed today was absolutely amazing. Real cool day.
I need to let go of the anger, man. Maybe I should sell my belongings and buy a VW bus. I could go live up in the woods in places like Flagstaff, Tahoe and Crested Butte. I could ride my bike all day, every day. I could be at peace with all the creatures of the forest. Walt Fucking Disney. It's got to beat this gig. It has too. I could be big hippie jonny. I could wish for miracles, eat nothing but rocks, twigs and other vegetarian fare. Maybe I'll even grow a beard like fucking bong boy. Nah, I'd rather shoot myself. My brother in law shot himself in the food once. Well, he shot the ground next to his foot and pieces of the bullet went into his foot from the side. That's the story, anyway. As far as I'm concerned, he shot himself in the foot is sufficient. I wonder what hurts worse? The bullet, or the knowing that you just pulled a total dumbass move? Pain is temporary, taunting lasts forever. My fat stupid ass should try pedaling something around today. It's an awfully nice day here in Phoenix. It would be a shame to waste it drinking coffee, playing catch with my dog, and just sitting around on the back porch like I've been doing. Yeah, that would be a real shame. I'd feel guilty if I did just that. I should probably explain and apologize to everyone that keeps getting fucked up messages from me. You see, I am one of those unlucky bastards that used AOL. That's right. I am an American Online Bitch. Hey, that's what I got. I don't have a lot of options where I live. No DSL, no cable, no broadband. Nothing, nada, nuca. It sucks to be me. Anyway, AOL just plain fucking sucks and it screws up a good bit of the text in messages I send out. I always receive text OK, but about half the fucking .jpgs don't come through either. I've tried calling these people and whatnot, but the problem is that AOL wants you, the client, to use all the features they offer. It doesn't work well with Outlook Express, or any other mail server, by design. Sound familiar? Incompatibility and planned obsolesce. What is this, Shimano? So, aside from the fact that, yes, I am a total dumbass, it really isn't all my fault. I'll try to rectify the situation. But, who knows, it may be all jacked up like this for a good while. I'm open to any suggestions. Like what in the hell to put as my outgoing mail server. Right now it reads: imo-m03.mx.aol.com. Since that works like shit, I'm open to trying about anything else. Oh, I should add that fuck_aol.com and aol=nazis.com don't work either. So don't mail me suggesting I try those two, because I'm way ahead of you on that one.
I like boobs From: Ward Thanks for the invite Ward. I think I just visited the armpit of the US a few weeks ago. Unless they just started spelling South Carolina T E X A S, we may be thinking of two different places. I should tell you that liquor, guns and porn are the things that make this life worth living. If I make it out that way, I'll let you know. Maybe we could fuck some sheep or something. Here are three galleries I found that I really think you need to look at.
And some more Tabatha Jordan on some shit site. Not the best galleries, but it is her. And she's hot. You seeing this Dru? Remember this girl? I have got to see one of her porn movies. I think I'll probably pass out from beating on my kid brother, but what the hell.
You broke it. Big deal. Everything breaks, or just plain wears out sooner or later. Why is it people always want shit for free? Most dealer reps. can get you a replacement frame at a discounted price. That's the best way to go. Its gonna cost you, but the manufacturer is making an effort to keep you happy and on their product. Bicycles are not Craftsmen Wrenches. You can stroll into Sears and toss the 15 mm box wrench that you used exclusively as a pry bar everyday for two years on the counter. Without a receipt. Sears doesn't even care how you broke it. The salesperson won't even bother to ask. They just slide a new one across the counter and tell you to have a nice day. That is not what you are buying with the purchase of a bicycle. Nine times out of ten, a broken bicycle frame, or part, is broken because someone beat the living shit out of it. You want to do ten foot drops? By a 45 pound BMX bike. Spend around a grand, stick with the respected names like Standard, Primo, S&M and you'll be fine. You want something with 26 inch wheels and suspension that can take that kind of a beating? You'll have to spend a lot more money, and everything is going to break anyway. Forks wear out, rear shock blow out, drive trains deteriorate, frames fatigue, etc. That's life. Why lie? Why go into the shop and hassle some poor fuck who works there for minimum wage? You won't win any friends pulling stunts like that. Most shop guys will do what they can to help you. So don't bullshit them. Tell them the truth and ask what they can do for you. They will want to keep you as a customer right up until the point you make it obvious that you're a pain in the ass lying piece of shit cheapskate. Then they will let you go out the door unhappy and vowing never to return, and feel good about it. Man, I was feeling it that day. In other fun news, I felt like hell today. I felt terrible and who calls me in the morning? Fucking Forbes, that's who. I knew it was going to hurt, but jeez. That guy is a fucking ox. He popped me twice. On the flat! I wanted to kill myself. I just can't believe how freaking tough that guy is. The son of a bitch only rides at one speed: hard. It totally sucked. Ol' Gnome of the Garden was there. I hope it hurt him too. Thank God it didn't last all that long. Three hours is plenty of time to feel like a freaking loser. Oh yes it is. Three hours is more than enough time to get really sick of staring at his ass and pleading with any deity I can imagine to please, please, please knock it off with that headwind already. I rode straight into the wind in three different directions today. East, west and then south. All headwind. How is that possible? Have I really sinned that much already? I was just getting warmed up. Shit fire. La Vuelta de Bisbee this weekend. I'll try to scrape together some kind of report. I don't know what's going to happen in that department.
I have so many dreams for this site. Tons of naked chicks, kick ass graphics, maybe even a for sale section. I've got a new Garden Gnome blowout page in the works. And, a new Jenna Jameson page. Whatever. I pumnped a friggin ton of new material into the hot girls naked with their bike page. Most of them are strippers with some piece of shit prop bike thrown in the corner, but some of the girls ride. OK, maybe two of them, but my standards are so low that I'm standing on them. From: Gary Guys like you are the reason I do this. That, and I have what you might call a little "problem" when it comes to porn. But I feel much better now...
I'm going to the Tour of the Gila next week. Yes, the fat man is going. Oh, but not to race. I'm going to wash bikes, hand up bottles, fill musettes, suck pro dick, glue on tubulars and punch out hippies. In that order. The life of the pro mechanic. Yeah right. I hung out with Brian "Hamfist" Forbes today, busting balls. That guy rules. He told me that I was, "the biggest baby" he'd , "ever met." Ha! That cocksucker. Oh well, fuck it. I'm toast and I have to get up tomorrow and chase that little Garden Gnome bastard out to Tortilla Flat in the morning. It is going to be great.
Ever hear of Shea Seger? I hadn't. This is one of her songs. Now all I want to do with the rest of my life is bang her. Then I can die happy.
From: riderx Cool site you got going on there Joe. And, we always loved being linked. God Bless the single speed. Got to ride mine yesterday. Three of us on singles and one dork on a geared bike. What can you do? Made for one fast fucking two hours. From: Mark
I don't know about the ladies, but that scared the hell outta me. Ugh. Fuck. That sucked. I hope that image makes someone happy. From: Mat
That friggin banner has got me thinking about two things. First, the guy who thinks that is the way to promote his website. Like, what the fuck kinda image are you trying to portray? I can't imagine that demographic that's aimed at. Whatever it is I pray it's a small percentage of the Russian population. Which leads into the second thing I've been pondering. Who's the guy that sees that banner, and thinks, "Hell yeah, I've just got to see this site!" I'm a little confused. From: Tall Todd
That is about the funniest fucking thing I have ever seen in my entire life. Jesus. Ullrich is so stone cold busted on that one. Not that I blame him, I'm staring at those same tits too. Right now as a matter of fact. I wonder what they'd look like with the words drunkcyclist written on them? From: Stanley Totally bad ass. Thanks Stanley. I love bike porn. Remember, everything ya'll send in gets dumped in a bike ol' gallery. From: LYCOSPHINX It just keeps on coming. I'll end tonight's little pill party with a race report from drunkcyclist tankhead Snake Plisken. (not dead) From: Jake Right on Jake. Thanks for the update. Always good to hear it from the trenches. That what I have to offer here at drunkcyclist. I may not have the most up do date information. I may not even know there was a race, but mother fucker, you better believe that if I hear about it, you hear about it. I feel for ya, snake. Twelve minutes is a mother. But, I gotta tell ya... The last time I rode that mining country loop with Randy (the gayness) and H-ball, they waited for me at the top of the climb going out of Winkelman and over to Globe for a half an hour. I'm taking thirty long minutes. That sucked.
Results of Colossal Cave Classic are now posted. My man Forbes nails down second in Pro 1-2. Tom Idzorek takes 5th. And 15th in the 3's, Kip Moyer. One word: player. Troy Love takes 4th in the 4's, and he's strong as a bull. I'm tellin ya. But, still with the rain. Where's the love, man? Speaking of love, I just finished unpacking all my shit from my trip to the wonderful state of Texas two weeks back. I am one lazy bastard. Anyway, while unpacking I found these.
Darren Poore is the guy who, along with his wife, put us up in Austin. He's a photographer. (obviously) And a good one at that. Get a hold of him if you need the help of a pro. You may recognize that last photo. It was in one of those big glossy mags like Mountain Bike or Bicycle. Whatever. I really need to pay more attention when people tell me things. From: Julz Holy shit. Um, what can I do. He has to make his own decisions in life, doesn't he? You can blame me all you want, but I'm not taking down any porn. You poor, poor girl. Maybe someone will send in some naked guy pics for ya. If they do, I'll forward them to you. I'm certainly not going to post them. Well, maybe I should throw a little something together for the ladies. There just might be something to that idea. I've had a few requests for "hot guys on bikes" pics. But, I don't exactly have anything like that handy. I know it's a surprise. I asked Big Gay Randy if I could dip into his extensive collection of gay porn. He told me to fuck off. So, if any of you guys out there feel like giving up a little something for all the hot and bothered mountain bike chicks out there, send that shit in to Iamnotgay@drunkcyclist.com. If you send it, I'll post it. I can't believe I'm actively pursuing this. I really might get pics of naked men in the mail. How will I face my friends? How will I face my mother? Fuck it. See what I do for you girls? See? Now go write drunkcyclist on your tits, take a picture of it, and send it in. Like this girl did. Now that's a fan!
From: Mat If it wasn't for the fact that Mat lives about 3 friggin thousand miles east of Arizona, I'd buy hima a beer for that one. As it stands, all he can get is a "thank you". Any ideas on that weird gyno/mad scientist banner I posted yesterday, Mat? I think we'd all like to know what the fuck that thing is supposed to be about. Subject: Video Game Girl Thanks Mat. And that bigger pic is in the mail. It's huge. Blurry, but the letters are much easier to make out. Not like it makes shit difference to me because I can't make heads or tails of the whole thing. If you get that, have a stab at this one. It was named "pupsik" when I got it. Showed up in the mail or something.
What the hell is that? Is she at the gynecologist? Getting an abortion? What? Is that sexy? It looks like a fucking traffic accident. How totally fucked are these Russians, anyway? Jesus. Speaking of Jesus, check out what Spooner has to say on the subject of breast implants. Speaking of breast implants, click here, and here. Thank you. Boobs? Can they ever be big enough? Fuck, this is kinda fun. More and even more. I think that's enough porn to last a few days. Maybe not, who knows. I'm freaking starving. I need to stop typing this shit and eat something. What a novel idea: webmasters who eat. Today on Geraldo.
It's all fucking good. I even tooled around with the site layout a little more. I hope you all like it.
You can go over to Dr. Bicycles for news on Brian Forbes racing highlights and some photos of me, the original drunk cyclist, at my own birthday party, straight piss loaded and wrestling bong boy Corey. Also see me hemming up Scottish Chris like he was a red headed stepchild. The best part? I blacked out and I don't remember anything about the second half of that party. I know that the photos 'ol Dr. Bicycles posted are pretty kind. I got the shit kicked out of me. Everyone got a piece of the big man. Hippie Corey, Yardsale, Scottish, and Jack motherfucking Daniels beat me down hard. I thought I got hit by a truck when I woke up the next day. At 4:30 in the afternoon. I don't think I'll be tossin back any drink for a few after that mayhem. I got some neat shit for my birthday, including some stuff I can't post yet. Maybe later. Like in about ten minutes. And now, reader mail. From: Julie Texas. The state you cannot get away from. Ever. And I left the tellin' to you, Julie. It's just better that way.
That and most of the links back to the main page from the porn gallerys are fucked, so carefull surfing out there. I got in a nice little ride today. I climbed south mountain (that whore) and I did some big gear hill repeats in the foothills. Good times, great oldies. Almost got killed twice. While dragging my generous ass up south mountain, some nice Latino girls about hit me in their late eighties Ford Turino while yelling, "Get the fuck outta the road!" What nice kids. I'll bet they all have six kids from four different fathers already. The second near death experience was even more fun. On Baseline road there is little or no shoulder. That fact doesn't stop me, or the six thousand other cyclists that use Baseline to get to the Central Av. entrance into South Mountain park every fucking week of the year. I am always surprised when a car comes by and the rear view mirror is about six inches from my fucking head. Why am I surprised? Because I assume that anyone operating a motor vehicle should have a damn good idea of where the far side of their car is. You know what I'm talking about. The kind of person who can't parallel park because they're always totally flabbergasted as their tires repeatedly smash into the curb. "How close am I? I can't tell." No shit. You just about fucking tagged me lady, get a clue. This lady about hits me, swerves in front of me, shakes her fist at me and then leans on the horn. All after she almost hit me. What a bitch. What did see expect me to do, fucking grow wings and fly? It's not like I was in the wrong. I was going in a straight line, unwavering, right down the gutter. I couldn't possibly ride any further to the right. There is nothing there. Nothing. So, I gave her the finger. With both hands.
Oh hell, here are some other fine pics of the big man going, well, he's going big. That's what he's doing. Check out the form, the strength of character, the way he's the last one up the hill. Oh, it was a big motherfucker too. And then you have Red Mountain, a well known Phoenix landmark, side by side with the lesser known, but equally impressive, twin white bluffs of jonny. It just brings a tear to my eye.
Just a quick little update for tonight, then it's fuck with the code time. It's a real bitch, changing site layouts and all that noise. When the possibilities for your website are limitless, things can get way to complicated real fast. I've got about three versions of this page going right now. And I can't decide which I like better. The more things change, the more likely it's going to stay exactly the same. Fuck it. I have a race report from the Squealer. This is about the coolest fucking thing I have ever seen. Read about it and seriously consider doing it next year. I had to work at 8:30, but I made it out to the start to distribute drunkcyclist stickers to the masses and I even rode part of the course. Then it was off to work, and blah blah fucking blah. I'd like to thanks Tom for the freaking huge amount of pics I got today. Wow. I have to get all this shit together into some kind of gallery or something. Here is a taste of what's to come. Jesus.
Oh well. I guess I'll just drink even more beer tomorrow night. If I hear any good stories, I'll post them tomorrow or Sunday. Or Monday. Whatever. Shut up and look at this. Big news around the bike shop. Specialized came through in a big way for the owners (whom shall remain nameless), or was it the owners came through in a big way for Specialized? Either way, hugs all around and it's back to business as usual. I for one am glad to hear it. Our local Specialized rep has been nothing but cool to me personally. He upped some product for the drunkcyclist team at the 24 Hours of the Old Pueblo race we did this spring. I'm glad to hear everything is all smoothed out and buttery again. Hell, I even ride one of their bikes. SuperGo, on the other hand, can pretty much go to hell for all I care. Lets see how much trouble I get into for that one. And now, lets get to my favorite part of the program: reader mail. From: Jason Tullous Glad to hear it went so well. And I was just in Texas. The only beautiful thing I saw is when Randy kept running me about not driving fast enough, and then he gets a speeding ticket. Fucking choice. From:Gary Well, that is good to know, thanks Gary. Nice to know my site is pimpin' across the pond. From:Ralph How was Austin? Didn't I see you there? I'd have to say the best part of my trip was the big, sweaty hug you gave me at the crit finish. Nothing really compares to standing around sweating your ass off in the mechanic pit for 90 minutes, and then getting wrapped up in the arms of a man covered in motor oil. It was so gay, I can't even tell you. I think my second favorite thing about my trip was how fun driving across Texas can be. It fucking rules. I'll be trying like hell to update this thing tomorrow. Maybe even the layout. Feels stale and I want change. Whatever.
I can't believe Museeuw averaged 40k and hour last year. Its a 250k race. For you metrically deficient out there, that's an average speed of 25 mph for 180 miles. Do you have any idea how fast that is? And the roads... Oh God, they race on the shittest track you've ever seen. Yeah, there is no drug problem. People can ride like that on mineral water and maybe a few thin mints. Bull shit. That said, I have a poster of Museeuw thundering across the cobbles on the wall next to me right now. I don't care if he does drugs of not. He still kicks ass. He is my hero. You think everyone else out there wasn't doped up like a mother fucker? Like the guys who were second, third and so on? C'mon. Guys use all kinds of shit for local Arizona racing. I won't name any names, but I've seen it. Hell, we all have. We all know it's true. Some of us have a problem with it, some of us don't. I really could give a shit. I accept the use of a wide range of substances as commonplace and pretty much required to be competitive. Hey, pro riders juice it up. That's life. Lucky for me, I'm such a fat pathetic fucking loser of a bike racer that the lure of performance enhancing drugs just isn't there. Recreational drugs are an altogether different story. And, I drink like a fish. But, enough about me. The part that really pisses me off is the whole denial, stick your head in the sand and pretend it's all a bad rumor thing that is so prevalent in the cycling community. Like when some poor fucking rider, like Paul Kimmage, writes a book, like Rough Ride, on the subject and his opinion is dismissed as the jealous rantings of a rider who lacked the God given talent to succeed at the highest levels of cycling. I find it easier to believe it when I hear it from some pack fodder, nothing special racer. Why would he lie to me? What could he possibly gain from bullshitting me? How about Willy Voet? Willy was doing his job. Hey Will, drive that car from Belgium to France and don't look in the trunk, alright? And if you get popped at the border, all that shit is for personnel use, OK? Like that doesn't happen all the fucking time. Anyone out there have much of a problem buying weed? Yeah, that's what I thought. Same damn thing. I can't believe how many people think the Postal squad wasn't up to something just a little sinister when some retard left their hotel, and got filmed dumping medical supplies (read: empty bottles, syringes, and whatever else) in a fucking trash can at what amounts to a highway rest stop bathroom during the Tour last year. What was in the empty bags? Actovigen. Is it a banned substance? No. Not by the UCI. Not yet anyway. From what I've read, it's banned in the Olympic games and will be illegal from this year forward in UCI events. What does Actovigen do? This is the best part. No one really knows. Ha! The company that makes it doesn't even know what its supposed sporting benefits are. Fucking beautiful. Just great. If you want to read more about all this crap, check out Cyclingnews and Velonews. They have a lot in their archives. Also do some web searches on "Acotovigen". I tried to find neat little articles to quote, link to and whatnot about this for about the last hour and twenty minutes. Fuck it, I don't care. If you want more its on you. I think everyone only comes here for the porn anyway. Where does this leave us? Same place we were before. An American has won the world biggest, hardest, most prestigious bicycle race two years running. And it really looks like it's going to be three. And that's something to be proud of.
Tonight I just have got to turn the pedals around. Not a hard effort, just rolling them around. I need to clear my head. I need to feel the earth roll by beneath my wheels and some wind in my face. Every day I'm glad I created this site. My whole life had become riding, working and this. Ride, work, upload. Shit, everyone has to do something. I can remember the day I had 70 hits and thought that was the coolest thing ever. Last September sometime is when I started this. I can remember the first time I got more that one hundred in a day. Last month I got 285,000. As this site grows, it becomes more apparent that its success has two distinct sides. Just like a sword had two edges. I want to make drunkcyclist better every day, with every upload. As more and more people check out the site, I feel obligated to improve and create even more. It never ends. But I'm not complaining. Much the opposite. I'm stoked as hell. I've been hanging around the bike industry, working in shops for about ten years. Can you say "lifer"? sometimes it just plain sucks dick. This thing I do is for every shop guy out there plugging away. Low pay, shitty hours, busting ass to please Joe Q. Public. Fixing horseshit bikes day after day, being honest and doing a quality job only to be undersold by SuperGo to the tune of five hundred dollars on a 2001 bike. It just fucking sucks. And then I start this bike, boobs and beers thing and tons of people check it out and say "right on". All kinds of shop guys all over Phoenix hit this site everyday. The corporate guys at Specialized refer to this as "the Phoenix rumor mill" and not in a good way. All because I dropped the bomb on the little SuperGo issue all us Specialized retailers are facing. Alliance my ass. Fuck it. Go look at this girl. Five foot four, with tits the size of watermelons and a face that would make a train turn down a dirt road. I give you Linsey. If you really want a cute little bitch pixie piece of crap for your lawn, or maybe your neighbors lawn, or to throw through your exgirlfriends window, or just to fucking smash while screaming, "Die Dave, die, you son of a bitch, I'll kill you next time we ride mining country, stop dropping me you cock sucker!" like I want to, then check this out. Now that is some gay shit. Holy shit is this a lot of porn... whoa.
It could be worse, I could have no money, no fitness, and no life. As it stands I only suck it in two of those categories. I can't wait for Saturday morning. I'm going to ride my bike, look for Easter eggs and drink beer. In that order. Then I'll work for a few hours and recover for the true event of the weekend. Scotts and my birthday party. I don't know if I'm looking forward to it, or scared as hell. Fuck it. I'm turning 31 and I'm going to get fucking annihilated. Have no doubts, this is a drink to ya throw up type of night. Last years party hurt me pretty bad and I haven't learned a thing in the last twelve months. Check out how great I looked last time at about 11:30.
Lets hope for all of us, I don't do that again. Who the fuck am I kidding? I'm going down in flames. Flames, baby, flames. Did ya ever just want to fucking murder a garden gnome? I mean, just ram an axe in his head? Yeah, me too. But keep it quiet. Don't show Dave, he'll be fucking pissed, 'cause he's a garden gnome too. And this type of thing upsets garden gnomes. I think I'm going to carve out some space for that cute little son of a bitch. You know, give him a page to rant and rave and really piss off everybody. I don't know how he does it, but fuck, he does it. Watch for the Angry Garden Gnome Section. Coming soon. Really.
The Hot Chicks Naked and on Bikes gallery is up. I'm still sorting out a new Jenna Jameson page. The last one was so fucking huge, it'll be hard to top. But, I'l try. Lord knows I try.
I got so many new pics of naked chicks and bikes that I'm making a gallery for them. Same with Jenna Jameson. Shit, and I haven't even finished that hot Asian chick gallery. Fuck me. I better start producing something around here, or I might get fired.
I gave away a hundred stickers in Austin this weekend. So, hello to all you mother fuckers that haven't seen my little pill party. I couldn't believe three different people told me, "Oh, you're the guy at drunkcyclist? That's your website?" this weekend. I'm known in fucking Texas of all places. Other great quotes from this weekend: I learned a few things this weekend as well. Most professional bike mechanics are about as exciting as a soap dish. Yeah, that's right. I went up and said, "Hi" to each and everyone of you guys. I guess I'm mostly to blame thought, I forgot I was wearing my I have fucking AIDS. T-shirt. Thank God Eric from Trek was there, or I'd have fucking shot myself before the race ended. I met the guy behind Nimble wheels. He's so Goddamn smart it makes my head hurt. Talk about a quality product, this guy has it nailed nine ways till Tuesday. Amazing. This guy know more about Thai food than I know about anything. Including my own penis, something I've spent the better part of my life aquatinting myself with and stuffing into things. Here are the results from the Superior road race, and TBC. Click here for Pro I - II results. And, I also have a race report from everyone's favorite garden gnome look alike, Dave. From: DH Guess who took a class on team work? Yep, ol' Landis came out for
the Tucson Bicycle Classic with an actual plan of action, and they stuck
to it to keep Price in the Yellow jersey for 1st in GC. Price took the
lead by winning the 2.1 mile prologue on Friday. The road race was uneventful
until the last of five laps up Gates pass when the winning break took
place. Up until then Landis kept the peleton together, not letting anything
get too far out.
So, Fifth time up Gates Pass and it all happened there... Ten riders
hit the top of the 13% climb with a gap of 30 feet on the next group
and that was all it took. Fortunately, my teammate Jake Rubelt made
it over the top in that front group. Myself and ten other guys were
left chasing the first pack in hopes of getting back on before the finish,
but to no avail.. It was nothing but business within both groups. We
were rotating at a furious pace as were they, only to see the finish
line approach too soon for us to bridge back up. So the cool thing is
that while I stayed up on the front most of the day watching and trying,
on occasion, to make something happen, Jake sat back in the peleton
and stayed fresh. On that decisive 5th lap he made it over the top with
the leaders and set him self up for the Finnish. So, what place did
he get? That mother fucker won the race! Can you believe that shit?
I guess he sprinted it out and won by a! bout an inch, probably less.
When he told me that he might have won it I fucking couldn't believe
it. Actually, later that night we were busting up with laughter about
the whole thing.
One definite bummer in the road race was a freak accident that happened
about .5 miles after the start. Dave Reid, a Landis rider and all around
nice guy took some sorta kinda strange spill that broke his femur. He
was, and probably still is, in some Tucson hospital recovering from
having a Titanium rod shoved into his leg. From what I heard he was
pushed over into a nasty crack in the pavement that took him down. Jake
went to see him and said that Reid couldn't believe the pain. I actually
saw the crack in the pavement that probably caused the accident and
it was definitely something that would cause a loss of control. Anyhow,
I know that myself, Jake and everyone wishes Dave a Speedy recovery.
And then there was the circuit race. Ten 5.6 mile laps with something
more than 100 feet of climbing per lap I think. I thought Landis would
have been a bit more shelled from the road race the previous day but
they still managed to keep it together until the last two laps or so.
I ended up winning the sprint bonus for 10 seconds on the third lap
with a pretty sweet effort that jumped me up from 14th to 8th place
in GC. After that I got into a break with 4 other guys that had the
most potential to stay out that day and again Landis, namely Brian Lemke
and maybe Justin Peschka, closed it down. Those boys must have been
seeing God at that point because the break was driving at 35 to 40 mph.
I really don't even know how they got us back, but anyway...The circuit
race came down to a sprint same as the road race and I ended up getting
5th. Unfortunately. Price came out of no-where to win it and seal his
overall title. I ended up! staying in 8th overall and Jake Rubelt, the
only other Domenics pro-1-2 rider there, received 6th place honors.
Not bad for a couple a cat-2 guys. The only thing I'm pissed about is
that I had the power to win the circuit race, but shit happens. Better
to learn from it than anything.
As usual, Nathan Mitchell and Bill Wheeler cleaned house in the cat
3 race. I'm not sure about anything else. And, more from shorty brings news of Arizona boy, Jason Tullous. From: GN Why indeed, eh? More reader mail. From: Gary Now I'm pimping drunkcyclist across the pond. First I find out they know me in Texas, and now the Goddamn United Kingdom. I'm not sure what GRAPES is all about, but I'll run with it.
Big update later today. I got some new porn in the mail. I hope you like Asian women with giant tits as much as I do. I've just got to resize some stuff and I'll post it. Oh yeah, you want a taste?
More of that type of thing later. Got back from Austin, Texas last night. What a drive. So scenic. Texas is a feast for the eyes, let me tell you. Went out for a great big criterium race on Saturday night, and I can't even remember what it was called. BMC #2, I guess. I wanted to do the Ride for the Roses Lance Armstrong thing on Sunday, but Big Dick Randy wanted to blaze the fuck outta that state. No ridey ride for the fat man. I was a mechanic for a team called Ochner. Bunch of cool guys. I think I did about, well, nothing. I glued on a tubular. And, I think someone threw their sunglasses at me. I carried some stuff around too. Super fun time, great bunch of guys. I ate like a pig and slept on the floor. It was heaven. I can't wait to go to Gila next month.
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