8:50 PM 12/31/2000
Happy New Year, everybody. Drink like a fish.
Ah, back to reality. Christmas 2000 is over. Thank Fucking God. I couldn't take it for one more stink'n day.
I guess this is the end of another year, another reason to get loaded. I myself am wiped the fuck out from the pressure cooker work and family can be. Got the parents on the flight back to Philly this morning. Now all I want to do is sleep forever.
The Eagles won today.
Here are some pics of last weeks X-treme Beach Cruiser lameness. Check out the schlong on Casey. That's me, Big Jonny.
Here is my stupid ass buck naked...
7:44 AM 12/28/2000
I don't expect to have the time to put together a proper update till next week. Sorry to all those who really, really need porn.
When I have the fucking time, I'll get this fucker wound up again. Till then, Happy Fucking New Year!
I'll post the X-treme Beach Cruiser pics as soon as I get them from Scottish Chris. The lazy retard actually had things to do today that didn't include getting me twenty odd .jpgs of my naked ass skidding down a hill. Go figure.
Some neat new gifs in the mix too. Thanks Dave!
Here is your Christmas present from me at DrunkCyclist.com. Don't say I never gave you anything.
8:05 PM 12/23/2000
Fuck you any way...
Nothing makes me prouder than knowing I provide that little something lacking in a persons life. Drugs, hugs and lots of porn.
I saw two things this week that really pissed me off. They were both videos trying to capture the raw underground, extreme worlds of motocross and mountain biking. I'm surprised they didn't come with a rack of Slim Jims and a case of Mountain Dew. Or, maybe a tennis helmet.
One was the Seth Enslow video, The Hard Way. I'm glad I didn't pay any money for that piece of crap. Seth himself isn't so bad. In fact, I'm impressed as hell with him. But, all the other dickheads... Bunch of insecure hanger-ons. Endless glossy Puff Daddy wide angle shots of every LA area jackass posing with his piercing and tattoos. It's even worse than MTV.
Everybody in that video thinks they're the biggest badass. I love all the white boy gangster shit. Look at me, I'm cool. I'm walking around with a gun. I hit bouncers in the head with bottles. I got so much money, look, I'll thumb through a few hundreds for the camera. Yeah, that's real long cash you got there, bucko. What was that, about eight grand? You can't even buy a new car with that shit.
Edit out all the glossy, slow motion filler crap, and you got about eight to ten minutes of jumps. A lot of which is out takes from Crust Demons of Dirt.
The second video I made the misfortune of seeing this week was actually three editions of Kranked. I was no more that five minutes into the first one, when the 'ol VCR went to fast forward preview mode. And it stayed that way for the rest of the tapes.
Skidding down a hill? C'mon, are you fucking kidding me?
I didn't count, but there must be 4 hundred shots of three different riders skidding down slope after slope. I cannot imagine anything more boring than that. At least they didn't film the truck that dropped them off at the top.
Hey man, I got a news flash for ya. Mountain bike rides should not involve the use of a pick up truck. And, skids are for kids. Leaving big old ruts down the side of every hill you can find is not a good idea. And what about all the people who will imitate that.
Sure, we don't live anywhere near British Colombia, but we got dirt here too, pal. And lots of it. We live in the desert.
Casey, Scottish Chris and myself took out Extreme Beach Cruisers (EBC) out to Papago park today and skidded down every hill we could find.
Some of them we even did twice.
One wasn't extreme enough, so I took off my pants and ran it wearing only a wife beater. Chris wanted to keep things fair, so he ran a front basket and only a front brake. He saved his skidding for the bottom.
And, we took pictures. I will be posting them later tonight. Not like it matters, no one is going to look at this page until after Christmas anyway.
1:14 AM 12/23/2000
I think it fucking rules.
7:50 PM 12/22/2000
It amazes me just how many people I know that have gotten sick, or are sick, this week. I got my dick knocked in the dirt last weekend, and I'm still not right. Some holiday. All I want is for the pounding in my head to stop. Is that to much to ask?
C'mon, Santa. Help a brother out.
2:22 AM 12/22/2000
My Christmas break starts, well it started at 7:00 tonight. I ain't going back till Tuesday. Yee Haa, four days of drinking beer and sleeping in. I can't wait to start on the sleeping part.
9:03 PM 12/20/2000
Some one sent me this Santa pic.
I also got these four pics.
Everyone in the Christmas spirit? How about the Fuck You spirit?
I hope ya'll like the new format. I think I'm gonna run things like this for a while. Till I get bored anyway.
9:01 PM 12/19/2000
I found out my old roommate is in his third year of law school out in California. He stands to make a lot of money, I heard. He pulled in a cool 40 grand during his internship this summer, and the same firm plans on hiring him when he graduates.
I guess I should be happy for him.
The two of us worked at the same bike shop for a while. We put in a lot of miles together. I thought I knew him pretty good, met his parents, the whole thing. After college he seemed different. I just wanted to keep wrenching and riding. I got myself a mechanic job with a team, spent a chunk of the summer gluing sew-ups, washing bikes and filling water bottles.
He wanted to hang out in the hot spot expensive clubs, chase the plastic vampire chicks. I wanted to drink Budweiser in a dive bar.
About the last time I saw him, he wouldn't ride with me, or ride at all really. I know he sold his bikes. He dismissed them as folly of a young man, or some line of crap like that. He said it was time to get serious, he felt like he needed to make real money. He told me that was what made people happy.
I didn't know what he was talking about then, and I don't know what he was talking about now.
I don't know what makes people happy. God knows I spend most of my time pissed the fuck off, but shit. I like fixing bikes. I like drinking coffee, talking shit and getting my hands dirty. I still ride bikes. I try to ride some about every day. It keeps me sane. I don't know what in the hell I'd do without cycling. I sure wouldn't go to law school in California.
Well, its time for coffee and the long trudge back to work. More insanity later.
I've been working on this new format, layout, whatever for most of the night. Why? Because I cannot get into my site. Again. Fucking FTP piece of shit program. This happens all of the fucking time. So, now I'm updating a web page only I can see. Man, that's fucking depressing.
Still got the evil in me, but I'm feeling much better that this morning. I slept the whole day away. It's so weird to stay in bed for that long. I can't say I want to lay down again anytime soon. Then again, I don't want to go back to work anytime soon either. I'm just about fucked either way.
Since my head feels like it's in a vise, and I'm really not that creative in the first place, I will direct you to something better.
Read the Rebel-Alliance take on the election. Complete with quotes!.
Read the Bastards-R-Us take on running a web page. See the desperation. Smell the fear. Look at all that fucking porn.
Go check out the US Postal flip flop at Pro Cycling. We never heard of Actovigen, OK, we brought it to the Tour for 'skin abrasions'. We're not doing the 2001 Tour, OK, we are. Its in the daily updates section.
If I can see straight, I'll post some new stuff later. I'm going to sit in the sun and try to get healthy.
If you liked that pic, this video is a must see. Real big thud. Really, really big thud.
Working on bringing the Arizona Single Speed (ASS) page to reality.
Where's the respect for my man Casey? He's Slug for Christ's sake.
Go check out 3bp.com. Fun stuff.
Shoot guns, eat pussy.
Fucking Dubya. How the hell does that guy become the boss? Jackass from Texas. Great. Just fucking wonderful.
Subj: i cant believe its ti
dam my new xtr crank set is so light and best of all fast as shit
Also got this insane commercial. I about fell out of my chair when I watched it.
Here's Tom joke of the day...
A flea had oiled up his little flea legs and his little flea arms,
"Oscar, what happened to you?", asked the flea, because Oscar looked
"I got a ride down here in some guy's mustache and he came down here
"Let me give you a tip, old pal," said the first flea, spreading some
So you can imagine the flea's surprise when, a month or so later,
"Listen," said Oscar, "I did everything you said. I made it to the
"And so?" asked the first flea.
"And so the next thing I know, I'm on this guy's mustache again!"
Thank Tom for those warm fuzzies.
Its almost four fucking o'clock and I need to ride a bike before my ass gets any God Damn bigger. I can't stand the thought of being dropped by Blond Ambition any more in this lifetime. I need a motorcycle. Lets see you come around me on that, muscle head!
The forum is gone. Dr. Bicycle told me it was broke. And here I just thought no one had anything worth sharing. God knows I don't. My life is boring.
If anyone has any Jenna Jameson pics, send 'em in. Can you ever have enough porn around the house? I'm pretty sure that you can't.
God Damn everything. I'm 4 beers deep and "dub ya" ain't looking any better as the leader of the free world. I have really and truly completely lost all faith in my fellow man for that one. George Bush? You have got to be fucking kidding me. Our president (lower case only for the next four years) has a longer, more prolific police record than I do. Great. That fucking cocksucker.
Not that Al Gore was anything special. He wasn't. He came across as nothing short of an arrogant asshole during his entire campaign. What was his home state, Tennessee? Whatever it was, he didn't carry it. A bad sign. Eight years in the White House and his own people vote for someone else. The guys a loser. His wave has crested. Much like my own has over at the Top 50. Such is life...
Back to Bush. The guy did nothing but get loaded till he was forty. Since I am only thirty, and have done nothing other than get loaded, I must be superior. I love how he dodged the draft and walked on cocaine possession charges. Dickhead.
Oh yeah, XTR ain't made out of titanium, pardner.
Lance to skip Tour and move out of France. Think he'd afraid of getting arrested?
"If the current situation exists," said Armstrong yesterday of the ongoing police inquiry, "then I will not ride the Tour. Period."
"Heís probably leaving Nice," (Johan) Bruyneel said, "and I donít know where heíll move to, but there are plenty of good places to live outside France."
You can read more on that one at Pro Cycling.
I looked up some local sluts at adult finder. I'd say try it. You might see your neighbor in there.
I'll have some de-motivators later from Tom.
Feel free to send any supportive e-mails, messages or whatever to me. I'll make sure that he gets them.
All of our hopes and prayers are with you tonight, Scott. That's a tough deal for a man of only 22 to deal with. It fucking sucks.
In the Star of the Desert race today, I finished 13th out of 21. I think I was the top placed single speeder in my age group. Hell, I might have been the ONLY single speeder in my age group! As there is no separate class in this race series, we run with the gear heads.
The next race is, I think, next year. January 6th. Yee Haa. Goodnight, everybody.
Click on the pic to enlarge.
Am I sleeping? No. Fuck it. I'm not to stoked on these dust bowl rock rally races we have here during our Phoenix winter. What I wouldn't do for some smooth, hardpack singletrack. Or, as the mountain town trust funders say, "Rad snigges, bro. Super fresh pow pow. Freshies. Bra. Dude. Bro. Sickter off the Richter." Fucking mountain town assholes. I hope you all get buried in avalanches this year.
I'm out of Vodka, and its time for the fat man to lay down.
I got some anonymous ICQ messages. Real weird shit. I think the one is a girl in Russia. Or, some wacko in a trailer park. What's the difference? One of the three is digging into me right now. Tells me I'm fat and I need to ride more. Now I get harassed by total strangers. What in the fuck is this world coming too?
OK, now I'm drunk and embarrassed. Click here if you want to make a pathetic drunk loser happy.
Read more over here.
I'm putting a dent in it, but not nearly as big of a dent as is forming in my forehead. I might as well be beating myself in the melon with a hammer. Maybe I should give up and fill up the bath tub, or water the lawn???
The way this is going, I'll be watering the lawn in a few minutes either way.
Me and you, your momma and your cousin too... Rolling down the strip on Vogues, coming up slamming Cadillac doors...
What in the fuck is this thing from? Any one knows, let me know. Wondering what the fuck I'm talking about? Aaron "I'm from Georgia, but I'm not a redneck" sent me this. I love it, and I hope you do.
Ran into a kid I haven't seen for a few years today. He used to race for a shop I wrenched at 4 or 5 years back. I was just out of college and he was in high school. We exchanged pleasantries, how you doin', what cha been up to and so forth. I told him I had started a web site about mountain bikes, drinking beer and checking out tits. Well, its pretty much a porn site, I confessed. He said cool, saw the site and likes it. He went on to say he wanted to start his own porn production company. And we should get something together.
God Damn, I love this country.
Still taking requests for Jenna Jameson pics. Send 'em in. My schlong needs new material, if ya know what I'm saying.
If you like that, go here. I did. Every God Damn day this week.
Shit, I rode for 4 1/2 hours today. I'm fucking shot to hell. Good night.
"Okay," they respond and they all agree. The Jewish kid pulls down his zipper and whips it out.
"Ah, that's nothing," says the Italian kid. He whips his out. His is a couple of inches longer. And not to be outdone, the Redneck kid whips his out. It is by far the biggest, dwarfing the other two in both length and girth.
The Jewish and Italian kid are stunned and amazed.
"Wow that thing is huge!" they exclaim.
That night, eating dinner at home, the Redneck kid's mother asks him what he did at school today. "Oh," he responded, "we worked on a science project, had a math test and read out loud from a new book ... and during recess, my friends and I played 'Let's see who has the largest penis."
"What kind of game is that, honey?" asks the mother.
"Well, me, Sidney and Anthony each pulled out our penises, and I had the biggest! The other kids say its because I'm a hillbilly. Is that true, Mom?"
"No, Honey," replied the mother "It's because you're twenty-three."
If you really give a flying fuck about downhill racing, or anything requiring poor fitness and lots of suspension travel, go here.