The Best Bike In The World

Here it is, the best bike in the world.

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Inspired by some nice people up in Washington and manufactured by some nice people in Taiwan, this steel frame pedal machine is sold at an affordable price and is a butt-load of smiles. It goes up, it goes down, it goes right and it goes left. When you crash it, it doesn’t break. It might dent and scratch, but fuck it, it’s steel.

When the tires are fresh, she grabs real good and makes it feel like you’re pretty sweet, even if you might not be. It can pop a wheelie, but not for long. Maybe it’s just a lack of skill, yeah it’s definitely a lack of skill. No flaw to the bike, obvs.

The cranks are stock, they creak a bit most of the time, lots, but at 7.08661 inches long, they can put the power to the pedal, as long as you don’t put the pedal to the rocks. The brakes use cables, they are mechanical and easy to work on. The cables pull the pads against the rotors and make the bike stop. They aren’t the most fancy ones out there, but they do the trick. The wheels are nice, a bit out of true. Someone told me one time if your wheels spin perfect your trails are too easy. Or it could be that you just totally suck at riding and bash hella rock. But whatever, bikes shouldn’t be pampered, chefs should. Bikes are a punching bag.

The Unit rides on sand, mud, rocks, and concrete. One gear makes you work for it, but for the most part you can take it anywhere; climbs, downs, technically difficult off-road riding tracks, the local pump trails, your girlfriend’s parent’s place, you name it. The bike is like a dog, throw a treat in front of it and it goes. It’s fun to not have a choice. Buck up or buy a moped. Everything about this bike is simple, and sometimes simple is pretty damn good. You don’t have to spend lots of money to have fun, unless it’s on women. Look, do you want a plastic woman or a…nevermind.

The Best Bike In The World is the bike you ride, the bike that makes you happy, the bike that turns a crap day into a less-crap day. So take a sip and go for a rip.

Roll what you rock, and always rock what you roll.

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**Full disclosure: The cranks totally suck, and that fork too. Love the bike other than that, no dropper seatpost required.

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About Cupcake

I don’t have a beer gut, I’ve developed a liquid grain storage facility.

16 thoughts on “The Best Bike In The World

  1. Pingback: The Best Bike In The World | PEDAL CANTON

  2. I have owned many best bikes in the world. There are many such bikes in my garage at this moment. There would be one under my keester at this present moment, were I not about to prepare for the journey down the Interstate to my job. Meanwhile, I shall ponder the fact that the very core of my home planet of Terra is composed of iron. Not aluminium or plastic or Froot Loops, but the mother element of the best bike in the world.

  3. Well said, Mr. Cupcake. Bravo!

    Ahem, one small quibble, however. The best bike in the world lives here in my office. She’s too good for the garage! You guys would never dare to relegate such a precious to that cold, damp place! You guys are heartless bitches!!

    And Joe, you can dig your bike frame out of a deep dark hole, but the Trophy Bike is manufactured purely from the core element of every life form ever known, fed by sunshine and rainbows, from crabon/crabon, just as god his own bad self intended.

  4. NO Mikey, NO!

    Do not embrace the darkness & follow false prophets!

    It’s a well known fact that if you ride a crabon bike backwards, it shrieks ‘666’!
    (Or is that LP records? I get them mixed up)

    Bad shit happens when you embrace that non organic, non biodegradable sperm of Satan!

    http://www.bikeroar.com/articles/carbon-mtb-is-it-a-good-idea

    I don’t know what cesspit you use for a garage but my Growlery is warn & snug, most of my ‘non slaving for the man’ hours are spent cocooned in its warm embrace with my arsenal of metal, most of whose names reflect my general demeanor or dress sense..

    If my life partner didn’t insist that I return to the main house for food & sleep, I’d spend more time there.

  5. The whole “crabon this, dura ace that, zipp wheel blah blah blah” thing just reminds me of some goober bloviating about his jackled-up pickumup truck and the whole “compensating” thing.*

    Not that the whole technology thing doesn’t provide an edge (however small) to the racer, but that’s not the way to get more people on bikes and keep them on bikes.

    No, I think the whole nonchalant “meh, it’s just a bike” attitude expressed in the post is just the thing for a long, healthy, happy relationship with cycling.

    But as to the advantage, perceived or otherwise, of having the latest and greatest, it’s like one old doctor said:

    “Sure, it might be placebo effect. But if it makes you feel better, who cares?”

    So this is what it feels like to post sober. Intriguing.

  6. @Hurben

    OK. I hate metal but the Teacher in that vid was major league hot.

  7. @joe

    +1.

    It ain’t about the bike.

    I could grab any POS off the shelf at Walmart and have a great ride. It’s about the wind, sun or rain on your face. It’s about the now-n-then beer stops. It’s about the road kill you barely missed.

    That’s what it’s all about.

  8. Such a great post. Makes me wish I wasn’t sitting on my ass in an office right now and just bombing around the hills with some beer in a backpack on my older no suspension mongoose that still kicks around in the shed for every now and again rides. Good stuff.