it’s a living

This is The Life?

___an and meself agree to meet for a bike ride. We both know the start time is what it is; meaning there will be none texts received 6 minutes after the agreed upon time wavering in any way as to: what ifs, alternatives predicated on last minute offers of something better, sore pinochas, or rear rife probrems.
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We’ve agreed upon a thing and that’s the end of it. We meet, we have a beer(s) and we drink a whiskey. Drink a whiskey, have a beer. We have met at my garage/staging area, so of course I poke around trying to find this and that. Nobody’s perfect. I find all the things and we gear ourselves up. We have agreed to ride out in the dark to perform trail maintenance and get a wee bit loaded at the same time in the woods. We do this.

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It’s a living.

Our route involves the least pavement and the most dirt available. This is for several reasons. Primarily, it’s just funner. But no small aspect is avoiding interactions with autos and the POlice. Seems like those interactions always end up with me on the receiving end, you know what I’m saying. We are carrying tools and beers. At the top of ________ Road, I stop and extract a bottle of Jim Beam (I know, but it is cheap and cheap is what I look for when looking for a woodsy bottle) from a “random”* spot. It helps…
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(that is relevant)

We stop at the Good Spots and stand around in the dark. You can hear stuff. For example, you know that hooty noise featured in stuff you watch on the TV? It’s not just a sound effect. You can go out in the woods and really hear that.  All the trafficky sounds are far away when you’re styling, profiling on a layer of oak leaves and pine duff whilst gazing up thru the branches. Hushed forest, sometimes the wind, whatever the hell that is moving around, etc. If you feel something pinchy, it’s prolly a tick and you’ll want to kill that motherfucking parasite as soon as you can. Also- look out for the poison oak.
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We lounge in the dirt, beer in hand, and we philosophize. I reckon y’all do the same. We talk and talk about the stupid shit at work and how if we were in charge it’d be so much different/better, and how so and so did this awesome/hilarious thing or committed that outrageously rude gaff, and how it is in cycling/life. Seems like a lot (a lot) of folks are just looking for an opportunity to Be Right so they can climb up on top of somebody and crow about the shiny bits on their fancy bike or about which side is the realest (Mausberg!), but my name is Dick for a reason and I’m a Libra so I can see both sides of a issue…and the Truth is: if it ain’t fun, it’s worthless.

Shut the fuck up, and have a Good Time. Full stop.

But still, Good Spots. Stop at one, ride to the next- that’s how to do it. ___an is on an unfortunately branded single speed cross bike, cuz that’s what he’s got. I am on a Surly Krampus, cuz it’s real forgiving of drunk line choices, it’s got a generator light (battery powered lights are for suckers), and it’s what I got. We, each of us, have a fine time. If our bikes were X or Y or Z, we could still say that. It ain’t what you ride, it’s that you ride.

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I ride that same route a couple days later. The flow stopping tangle…if you didn’t know it had been there, you could easily breeze on thru, none the wiser. That is success.
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This is The Life. It is available to any of us in some form or another.

 

 

 

*unwanted advice: when hiding your hooch, never choose a spot where someone is liable to stop- for the view, (nor especially where someone is likely) to pee, etc. You should  have some criteria of your own that determines your stash so you don’t forget where it is, but no one else would look twice.

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25 thoughts on “it’s a living

  1. Pingback: it’s a living | PEDAL CANTON

  2. Hey Joe, shut the fuck up. You are a wet blanket from the get go. I never specified what tools we used, but if one pays attention, there is the pull saw in the introductory image. We used that and a 3.5′ crosscut- because we are MEN OF ACTION, not keyboard riders. Fuck you, fuck a combustion engine, fuck shitty snarky comments on the internet. Bitch.

  3. “That time of the month already, Reverend?” Getting rad and speaking truth doesn’t have monthly cycles. It’s an all the time kinda thing.

  4. Oh, and Reverend Dickbreath? Chain saw, pull saw, traditional Japanese kozuka-Who cares? My comment was offered in a lighthearted way as one who has been the architect of more than a few bad ideas involving tools, and I’ve got the scars to prove it. If that gets you all frothing-mouthed bent out of shape, then may I suggest that it is you who have the problem.

  5. Hey girls, put down the pillows and show Chief Seattle’s long-lost bro some DAM RESPECK. Crimoney.

    NOTE: ATTEMPTED HUMOR.

  6. “If it ain’t fun, it’s worthless.” Print this sticker and shut up and take my money

  7. @Hurben— Dude, the Salish were pigging out on fresh oysters and sparking fat blunts of mind-bending BC hydro a hunnert years before it was legal. That’s bad-ass in my book, and the REAL reason we celebrate MLK day today.

  8. Francis: Then you’re crazy!
    Pee-wee: I know you are, but what am I?
    Francis: You’re a nerd!
    Pee-wee: I know you are, but what am I?
    Francis: You’re an idiot!
    Pee-wee: I know you are, but what am I?
    Pee-wee and Francis: I know you are, but what am I?! I know you are, but what am I?! I know you are, but what am I?! I know you are, but what am I?! I know you are, but what am I?!
    Pee-wee: Infinity!
    Francis: No. I’m not.
    Pee-wee and Francis: You are! No way! Knock it off! Cut it out!
    Francis: Oh, shut up, Pee-wee!
    Pee-wee: Why don’t you make me?
    Francis: Why don’t you make me?
    Pee-wee: Because I don’t make monkeys. I just train ’em!

  9. Fuck yes x1000 to all this. Rev. Dick is my virtual life coach.

    Now excuse me while I go tattoo “Shut the fuck up and have a Good Time” across my forehead.

  10. I have tried to stay out of this but looking at the flow of the comments I feel that it is my duty to wade in.

    Beware of false prophets I say.

    “What evidence do you have, LittleJar?” I hear you cry.

    “Look at the evidence in the pictures” I say

    Artisanal saw
    Rugged Plaid shirt
    Glib slogans

    Click through to the Flickr account and:

    Canvas saddle bag large enough to carry an LP collection & a player
    More Brooks saddles than a Rapha ad
    Bushman beards large enough for bears to hibernate in
    A few cans of Tecate for a diversion but then Shitloads of Pabst!

    Finally the Reverend states that they are “MEN OF ACTION”

    With their own theme song:

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7suV50xXSBQ

    Therefore I put it to you, Reverend Richard,

    You are HIPSTERS trying to infiltrate this hallowed group for devious purposes!

    How do you plead?

  11. the fuck happened here?

    DC comments used to be intelligent, witty, sometimes funny, and only occasionally would someone pull their cock out and start swinging. now it’s just a bunch of soft, judgmental pricks floppin’ around.

    how about you try this one: http://www.drunkcyclistporn.com might stiffin up yer little willies and give you something to do with your hands instead of pecking useless bullshit.

    goddamn.

  12. Oh Dear Lord!

    @somecallme_danimal, you are being extremely disrespectful to our fellow members of the bumpy chest variety.

    No, I do not mean all the tubby ones with ‘Moobs’, I’m referring to our XX chromosome blessed members, otherwise known as ‘Women’.

    Big Johnny himself, (all hail), is on record saying that he did not want the early porn of this site to be his legacy!!

    We should respect that, shame on you!

  13. You can now get Tecate at the local supermarket here in NZ.

    It’s cheaper than Australian beer, which is cheaper than New Zealand beer in NZ & is cheaper than Australian beer in OZ.

    No, I don’t understand the economics of it either, I just drink the beer.

    But I have to say that Tecate is pretty average piss.