Broke off

The past year has been one hell of a ride. Things have moved so fast that it feels like my life has had a constant tailwind. I’m not complaining, but lately I have been trying to focus on staying home a little bit more, enjoying my neighborhood and home trails. I haven’t been able to find the time to write stories here about trips I took back in January or even edit video from my trip to Nepal last year.

All that talk about wanting to relax and stay home a little more jumped up and bit me in the ass this week. Because I am now sitting here typing this with one hand due to a freshly broken elbow. It has been a few years since I have been injured badly enough to take mandatory rest. I have been very fortunate. But now, as I sit here using my sling to hold my beer, I consider this the Universe’s way of telling me to “slow the fuck down”. I have no choice but to listen.
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The weekend started out harmless enough. A little campfire time in Flagstaff for an outdoor wedding.IMG_20141005_083306

Followed by a fantastic shred amongst the red rocks in Sedona with great friends.

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I even caught a few hours of sleep before heading down to the dunes for a some fatbike fun with the guys from State Bike Co and their new bikes.

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We even took a little detour to go jump around on some cars.

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It was all great fun until the day got a little long and I decided to try a little something different. I reckon I needed to pedal about two cranks faster at this one little quarter pipe. Instead, I came up short and fell out of the sky directly on to my elbow. Three days of fun came to a screeching halt as I got dropped off at the ER to find out why my arm doesn’t work.

The doctor says six weeks of no mountain bike and maybe I can try the road bike in two. I haven’t gone six weeks without mountain biking in 18 years and I probably won’t start now. So we will play it by ear and see what happens. But my money is on 4 weeks. In the mean time, I am going to focus on the backlog of trip reports and great mini adventures that have happened since January and see how many I can get up here. Some crazy shit went down. From west Texas road trips to a bikepack around the Salton Sea, right up to my trip to Iceland last month. I look forward to sharing with y’all.
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I got a text from Big Jonny today sending his condolences for my injury:

“Damn, son. I stacked it a while back and broke my elbow. Really painful. But there was much beer drinking and one armed bike riding.”

It’s like he already knew my program.

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About dirty biker

I am a fan of singletrack, singlespeeds and single malt. Currently in Asheville, NC

57 thoughts on “Broke off

  1. Pingback: Broke off | PEDAL CANTON

  2. You better take it easy, let it cure because if you fuck around too soon you might be out of order for a looooong time…ask my right knee.

  3. Mr. Hesse is unfortunately correct— take care of your elbow FIRST, then worry about riding.

    I’ll bet most of us old dudes have a story about going too hard, too soon after injury. Mine was a dislocated shoulder, I’m like, “that didn’t hurt,” and skied seventeen of the next thirty days. I wound up with bursitis so bad I was immobilized for three months. Pretty goddamn stupid, looking back at it.

  4. @db

    What Hesse and mikey said in spades. Despite my 100+ bike spills and several car wrecks I have never so much as fractured anything much less broke.

    But I knew a guy who face-planted his steering wheel in a wreck. Fucked up his right cheek-bone big time. Told to rest easy and he’d be fine in a month or two but did he ??? Nope. He face planted again and had to have a part of his cheek-bone removed…..eventually replaced with some metal shit.

    He was technically OK but he was never able to smile again. When you smile your cheek-bones rise. Only his left one would rise and he looked like a village idiot when he smiled. So he stopped. I’m a ornery bastard but even I like a good laugh or smile now and then.

    Take care of your health son….we need more stories of your epic rides.

  5. …seems you got plenty of doctors on this site telling ya what ‘cha need to do, amigo, so I will simply wish you mucha suerte, dirty…

    …heal fast & pedal on…

  6. I’m REALLY drunk and I have to say, you guys are all assholes.

    And thats why i love ya.

  7. …”…you guys are all assholes.”…

    …well, ya…somebody’s gotta hoist. polish & proudly wear that mantle…

  8. Dirty, we come from the same hardcore punk rock scene and no matter how old you get, you still consider yourself a kid. We can always run around saying age is just a number, but it’s a fact, we don’t bounce like we use to. I snapped my achilles a few years ago. While that sucked it hurt even more when my wife read online “most common in middle age men”. WTF when did this happen? It seems like yesterday I was skating half pipes and jumping off stages. Getting old sucks, but I tell my friends how I’m aging in reverse. All I want to do is play video games, hang out with my boys(kids), and ride my bike. Heal well my man, the trails aren’t going anywhere, and this only gives you more time to plan adventures.

  9. @Mickey,

    About twice a week I send a couple of hours early in the morning rolling around my company’s parking lot on my long board.

    Never had a skate board as a kid & I decided that I was not checking out of this life without having one.

    A lot of the youngsters don’t get it, to them I’m just this weird-arsed old guy with a white beard who also rides bikes at lunchtimes.

    The older folks tend to go “that’s so cool, I wish that I could do that”.

    My response is always “here, take it for a spin”, sadly, to date none of them have.

    Heal fast Dirty.

  10. Well, since everyone already told you what I was thinking before I hit the comments, I won’t even bother, but they are all too right.

    All that riding has been keeping you from really punishing your liver, how about you give it a workout, Dirty style now, since you know, you got the time….

    Heal well brother!

  11. Well I’m back & I must say that I’m pleasantly surprised.

    I swore never to grace this site with my erudite wisdom again because people were mean & didn’t care about my mission to save the world & everything there upon.

    But just the other day I was talking to my brothers Mason Jar, Whiskey Jar & sister Dora Jar. “I wonder what’s happening on DC?” I said, “Maybe they miss me” I added. “I should go & see” I concluded.

    And here you all are, caring about each other & wishing a downed brother well, a small tear trickles down my cheek & gently plops onto the keyboard.

    (Shit! Now my key has stopped working, never mind).

    “What have you been up to LittleJar?” I hear you ask, (well I can’t really because the speaker on my PC is broken but I’m sure that you are).

    “I am saving the world by recycling used rubber goods & creating Mountain bikes tires” I reply.

    You see, I read an article on Bill Bowman who created the first rubber waffle soles for running shoes by melting rubber on his family’s Waffle iron.

    “GENIUS” I exclaimed.

    I rushed out, went dumpster diving & came home with 10 broken waffle irons, 4 old car tires, untold plastic bags, 10 shoes, a coil of barbed wire & one punctured inflatable doll.

    One puncture patch & a tube of Stan’s No Tubes& Lucy the doll was as good as new so I put her away for later, (In fact the patch looks like a beauty spot which gives her a Latin appearance).

    I quickly wired up the waffle irons in series, plugged the lot into 5 old car batteries, 3 solar cells & two old exercise bikes which some neighborhood kids were pedaling & proceeded to melt down the rubber.

    I quickly poured the melted rubber into the irons & patted it down, (FUCK, wear gloves next time), cut two lengths of barbed wire for beads & laid them into the mixture, (FUCK, remember gloves), flipped the mixture out of the toasters & proceeded to knot the wire, unfortunately the rubber was still runny, (FUCK, wear arm protectors next time).

    Once the tires had cooled, I trimmed them to shape, mounted them onto my rims & went for a victory ride.

    Punctures X many, (FUCK, next time remember to remove the barbs).

    It’s good to be back.

  12. Age is not “just a number”. Age is age and it will kill you in the end. That is, if ISIS or President Obola or some shit doesn’t get you first.

    All the more reason to make the most of your time on this Godforsaken mortal coil.

  13. @Joe

    Atta boy Joe.

    I’m so glad to see that you’re still here, all hale & hearty.

    You’ve always been DC’s official little ray of sunshine, spreading blue skies, sunshine, rainbows & unicorns with every post. :)

    I envy you every ride, (Steel & fixed of course), I imagine that it’s always like riding through a Disney cartoon.

    You keep those happy smiles coming Old Feller. :)

  14. @FakeLittleJar….did you actually expect anyone to read that horse-shit ??

    I got this far. “I am saving the world by recycling used rubber goods & creating Mountain bikes tires”

    Here’s what I say…..I recycle all the used rubbers I have after I bang your girl.

    @joe…you are now and always will be a fucking cunt.

  15. Weird side-way.

    I was in my fav bar a couple-3 weeks ago. And a guy I know and I were pounding some serious beers when his wife walked in and started yelling at him in a language that nobody understood but her. It sounded like German.

    She final stopped yelling. And he just glanced at her and said…”And what’s your point??”

    She punched him the face so hard she broke something and we all laughed are asses off.

  16. @TriceTee

    OMG! this is so wonderful, I feel like bursting into a rousing, “Hail, Hail, the gang’s all here”.

    I wish that we could join hands around a campfire & burst into a rendition of

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vo9AH4vG2wA

    I wish that I could be with you physically but please accept this Cyber-Hug & kisses, (Myah, myah). We could sit & bond & you could maybe dial back the beer & belligerence from 11.

    Remember, we’ll always have potholes, pirates & turtles, we’re so blessed.

    I have an open relationship with Lucy so we share things , but she is a bit perplexed why you use rubbers when she is rubber but she appreciates the consideration given that you are such a sensitive soul.

    Be nice to Joe, he’s an elder statesman here plus he like Kittahs. Under that plaid shirted, blue collar, republican exterior lurks the sensitive soul of a poet.

    I feel so at home.

    (by the way, it’s ‘our’ not ‘are’, sorry to be the grammar Nazi)

  17. Grammar is important, Francis. It’s the difference between “Knowing your shit”, and “Knowing you’re shit”.

  18. Can we get back to bikes please…..I need a new Mtn bike. My 20 yo Cannondale something-or-other just bit the dust. Any opinions ?? No suspension. Hard tail only. Suspension is for pussies.

    That’s just how I roll.

  19. @FakeLittleDickHead

    Now this was fucking funny….

    “I have an open relationship with Lucy so we share things , but she is a bit perplexed why you use rubbers when she is rubber but she appreciates the consideration given that you are such a sensitive soul.”

  20. More cool posts please.

    You guys who have a beef with each other should have a no holds barred drink off followed by a nice spin down the trail.

    I’ll bet Dirty is all healed up before you guys give up kicking each other in the cyberballs.

  21. @Buck,

    No Beef here, those with long memories here will know its how we roll; besides, I respect all of God’s creatures so I’m strictly vegetarian.

    T3 dials the beer & belligerence to 11 at the very first crack of his first PBR, but my partner Lucy, (who is a recycled inflatable doll because I could never treat a real woman like that), tells me that he’s a sensitive little petal.

    Joe just grumbles that the world is going to hell in a hand basket, (steel & fixed of course), then goes for a slow ride, (steel & fixed of course), followed by nailing several Vodkas, (steel & fixed of course).

    Myself, I save the world, one pot hole at a time & ride my Land Shark which was built for me by none other than John Slate himself! John seemed to know nothing about frame geometry so I had to correct him & insist on my measurements. I’m finding it difficult to stand upright & walk in a straight line these days but I know that it’s not the frame geometry.

    Indeed, here’s hoping that Dirty heals fast, If not, I can always build him a Cyborg Exoskeleton. I’m a master craftsman, remember the great job that I did on my truck?

  22. Actually, Francis, I ain’t been hitting the fixed that much these days. Tore the crap out of my hamstring awhile back and mostly been riding my old (geared, rigid) Gary Fisher, set up as a townie. Cripes, you should see it. You thought I was slow before? Upside: You’d be amazed how much vodka them panniers will hold.

  23. TTT— get yosef a 29er. Unless you’re a gnar-gnar technical rider, it’s all ya need. I bought a Scott Scale crabon/crabon unit and the thing is goddamn rail-trail rocket. Imma get maybe thirty miles today.

  24. @mikey

    Today, I got maybe 10 miles then my front wheel decided it was a good idea to blow out. My right shoulder still hurts from the spill. I guess I don’t need a new bike. I need a new set of wheels that don’t fuck you over.

  25. Okay, all that shit is pretty amusing.

    I just got this to say about that.

    I bagged my 30 miles of gravel today. (well, four was asphalt.) Mallards, pintails, wood ducks, pheasant, grouse. Got buzzed by a red-tailed hawk out by Peoh Point Road. I rolled down into the Upper Yakima River Canyon, climbed over four gates, two each way. My bingo point was a mile below Poodle Chute. As I self-medicated during a sunbreak, the brush was filled with chickadees— such calm, businesslike lil guys. The rain caught me on the way back up to S Cle Elum, where I had a hot link sandwich and a pint of the local pale ale. I made the truck just as the next squall line hit. THESE ARE THE GOOD OLD DAYS

  26. @all

    I love this site when all the old-timers get together and take every comment thread and make it go full retard.

  27. @Francis: “..not as bulletproof…”
    Friend, you don’t know the half of it. Most days I feel downright fragile.

    “Bad Example”? Well you know how they say folks learn from the mistakes of others? Based on that I reckon I’m teacher of the year.

  28. @joe

    “Upside: You’d be amazed how much vodka them panniers will hold.”

    Vodka ??? Vodka is the liquid version of the devil. It tastes like water but has an ass-load of alcohol in it. Dangerous shit right there.

  29. “Come, comrades! We dance! We sing! We drink much vodka! Tomorrow we die for Mother Russia!”

    Da, is like that.

  30. Public Service Announcement.

    Only drink vodka when there are no woman or cats around because you’ll regret it.

  31. I’ve aged and come to the conclusion the only thing the internet(and I) is good for is sending email and downloading porn.

    90% on my hard-drive is porn.

    I really need to get a girlfriend.

  32. @Hurben

    “Never had a skate board as a kid & I decided that I was not checking out of this life without having one.”

    I had a skatey board as a kid. Damn near fucking killed myself.

  33. @TripleT

    It’s a long board so a lot more stable.

    I use it for carving some lines or just cruising around enjoying, it’s not something that I’d ever take to a skate park.

    In fact I’d never dare ride anything at a skate park, full of snot nosed kids, no respect for their elders, young punks, GET OFF MY LAWN!

    Twice this week whilst cruising around the company car park on the board I had women go “You should be wearing a helmet”

    My “Yes Mother” responses were not well received.

  34. Question for all….

    Is it wrong to drink a beer while you’re jerking off ??

    Just asking for a friend. I swear.

  35. The last time I commented on DC I was whining that there are no more long winded comment streams. You old timers are back at it again. Excellent job!

    @TTT You used to be Triple F and I christened you Triple T in honor of your work keeping the turtle/pothole stream going. I now rename you Triple A or Cap’n Asshole. Take your pick. You’ve earned the title.

    Also, TripleA, I ride a Gary Fisher Big Sur 26er hardtail from 2000 before those douchebags at Trek raised the price and lowered the quality. Indestructible. It’s the perfect MTB for a guy like you who has one hand on the handlebar and one hand on his pecker.

    @Fake Little Jar glad to see you’re back and stirring up the pot. Doesn’t take much to get this Black Hole of Calcutta bubbling. Just don’t fuck with the turtles.

    @Hurben Don’t bother trying to save the world. It aint worth it. Oh and when you troll it’s always a good idea not to have your moniker appear under the fake name you’re trolling with.

    @BGW Take care of your health and remember that every day above ground is a good day.

    @Dirty like the above commenters have said, take your time recovering from your injury. Think of it as some quality drinking time and an opportunity for some internet porn cruising. I’m sure that chronic masturbator, TripleA can give you some tips on sites.

    And last but not least, Joetheelectrician. Remember when you’re about to die the important thing to do is shout “Allahuakbar” even if you’re scoring an “Own goal”

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kertXZVXCdM

  36. Good to see you back Cap’n Tony.

    I’d plead the Fifth but it doesn’t apply Downunder so in my defence, it was my first attempt at being a nony mouse on the Web as my whole life has been lived according to the ancient lore of “If you say something, be prepared to stand behind it, (even if you get punched out)”.

    Obviously I failed badly.

    But, I had a higher purpose!

    I felt that LittleJar left a large (Pot)hole in this site when he stormed off so I created Fake LittleJar with the intention that whenever someone felt that a thread was missing LittleJar, they could rectify it via Fake LittleJar.

    It’s my gift to DC because I’m like that.

  37. No Hurben you didn’t fail. You impersonated littlejar so well I wasn’t sure if it was littlejar or you commenting. Yes, you had a purpose.
    Your purpose (cue the dramatic heart rending music) was to bring this community of cyclists, drunks, losers, grumpy republicans, rebels, chronic masturbators, punks, old guys who have no clue and admit that they like Blondie on public forums (that’s you TripleA), single speed hipsters, teenagers on their stunt bikes and young hot nubile brunettes with long auburn hair back together again.

    Oh wait there are no women on here. Can someone troll DC as a member of the female species. This is too much of a sausage fest

  38. Fuck It!

    To Canadian DC, as a veteran I’m so sorry & frankly I don’t know what to say except go in Peace brother & thank you.

    And now another School shooting in America, Fuck, I am so sorry.

    People, please be careful out there & take care