I don’t even remember how it started. All I know is everyone was rolling this way, so I had to do the same. Because we all had bikes, and it was night time, and what do you do at night? You pound four or five PBR’s.
Then you go out drinking.
The process goes something like this:
Step 1: Dress ratty. This is not a problem for me because I am 23 years old and I am poor as fuck.
Step 2: get on your fixie/urban commuter/steel hardtail you fished out of the trash. See my reason for step 1.
Step 3: Go fuck yourself. By which I mean, drink a fucking lot of beer. At people’s houses, at the bars where the drinks are cheap, on top of parking garages.
Step 4: Ride in circles. This is the most important part. Everything about bicycles is cyclical: you ride, you eat, you drink, you sleep. You ride, you eat, you drink, you sleep. You’re born, you grow, you ride, you die. You’re born, you grow, you ride, you die. Circles are the most important fucking part. Don’t forget that.
Step 5: Puke if you have to. We have a lot more drinking to do.
Step 6: Go fuck yourself. By which I mean: everything you thought you were before this moment is no longer true. This is also part of the cycle. You are redefining yourself just by turning the cranks with people on your left and on your right. Did you take yourself seriously?Stop that. You’re a joke. Were you a fucking joker? Stop that. You’re a serious, living, breathing masterfuckingpiece. Be brilliant.
Step 7: Drink until the bars close. Then continue riding, preferably up a large hill so you can see the lights from the top and bomb back down the hill drunk off your worthless ass. Falling is not an option. Don’t do that.
Step 8: It’s 5 a.m. You get two hours of sleep starting…now! Pass the fuck out!
Step 9: Wake the fuck up. You’ve gotta go to work. Those Huffy masterpieces ain’t gonna wrench themselves.
Step 10: It’s noon. Have a beer.
Step 11: Work’s over. Have a beer.
Step 12: Repeat.
Do it while you’re young because it hurts when you’re old. Do it because there’s only one time in your life when you can do it, with the right people, at the right time. Surround yourself with the right people. If they ain’t the right people, ride away. You have no time for them and they just want something from you. Don’t give the biggest part of yourself to people who don’t deserve it. Give it to someone on a bicycle, someone riding beside you, because hey, they may not be there much longer. There are hungry cars out there. There are haircuts and suits out there. There are kids and mortgages and business trips. These things can be good or bad, but one thing’s for sure: when you’re 23 and you’re riding at night, hand off your coldest beer to someone riding beside you. Forget the rest.
We’ve got too much to do.
(Sappy side note: I wrote this because I managed to accidentally delete every photo I took between 2005 and 2007. Sorry, Flagstaff. If you have any of them, send them to me!).by