10 Reasons Why Running Sucks

1) It makes you do crazy things.

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2) Because even if you’re the fastest runner in the world, you’re still slower than an old lady coasting down a hill.

3) Running makes you poop your pants.

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Yes, shit happens.

4) There aren’t many attractive women that run.

5) It’s worse than watching paint dry, or golf, or talking to an accountant.

6) Running is really bad for your joints.

7) Running decreases testosterone.

8) Because people that run are usually doing so from the police.

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9) You can’t do a wheelie when you’re running.

10) Because John Tomac never did.

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About Cupcake

I don’t have a beer gut, I’ve developed a liquid grain storage facility.

17 thoughts on “10 Reasons Why Running Sucks

  1. I am seriously down with number 8. Back when I was young and hung(as opposed to now being old and done) the only time I ran was with a blue suit following me.

  2. I’ll give you 3,6,and 9.
    1. Have you ever seen a recumbent?
    2. Bolt is a BALLER!
    4. Kara Goucher, Lolo Jones, that 18 year old Australian hurdler…
    5. Nothing is worse than golf.
    7. Doesn’t numb your taint, though.
    8. What’s wrong with that?
    10. But Pre did.

  3. I cannot figure out what the contraption in no. 1 is supposed to do or be for.

    As for no. 4, the future Mrs 40 Hands is gorgeous and she runs marathons.

  4. I’ve always maintained, run from things larger than us, with teeth. Otherwise, technology has given us better options.

    Cavemen ran, I ride a bike…..

    You can shit yourself while running? Yep, add that one to my list. No thanks.

  5. “Lemond was in trouble. He had a bout of diarrhea. He rode by me with thirty kilometers to go, surrounded by his domestiques bringing him to the front. God the smell was terrible. It was rolling down his legs. I know if it was me I would stop. But then I am not capable of winning the Tour de France. He is, and I suppose that’s the difference.”
    – Paul Kimmage

    Just one of the reasons why Lemond was THE straight baller of his day and the greatest AMERICAN cyclist of ALL-TIME and you DC hacks should appreciate that he is generally considered the greatest “off the couch” racer of all time (although recent shots suggests that he might break the couch)

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  7. You do burn more calories running though! However you end up with more injuries. The battle between cyclists and runners continue…

  8. Didn’t realize there was a battle? Some days are for running, some are for biking. The best days have both.

    Offroad is the only way to do either in order to maximize fun, in this man’s opinion.

  9. The problem is not that diabetes, heart disease and obesity runs in your family, it’s that no one runs in your family