The anticipated denial by Peter Sagan regarding allegations of groping a podium girl at the conclusion of yesterday’s Tour of Flanders is finally here. This late breaking report brought to you exclusively by MTBR’s Kurt,The Angry Singlespeeder:
A day after finishing second to Tour of Flanders winner, Fabian Cancellara, Cannondale team rider Peter Sagan openly denied allegations that he groped the backside of a podium girl during the awards presentation ceremony.
“I have never groped in my life,” said a deadpan Sagan. “I have done hundreds of races in my career, and never once have I ever groped. Ever. And anyone who accuses me of groping is a liar.”
When shown a photograph of him clearly grabbing the backside of a tall, slender blonde podium girl, Sagan became visibly irritated and pushed away the photograph.
“Let me say it again. I did not grope.”
The Slovakian superstar Sagan began his colorful career as a mountain biker, winning the UCI Junior World Title in 2008. Since bursting on the road racing scene in 2010 by winning the grueling Tour of California Big Bear stage, Sagan has wowed fans the world over with his exceptional sprinting, creative victory salutes, superior bike handling skills and his enviable handling skills of the female persuasion.
When he’s not busy pulling no-handed wheelies across finish lines, the blue-eyed, baby-faced Sagan can be found with both hands entertaining the ladies, taking every opportunity to sign autographs. In a YouTube video from the 2012 Tour de France, Sagan was caught putting his John Hancock on one lucky woman’s breast; an action Sagan also denied.“I never touched her,” replied Sagan when asked about the John Hancock incident. “Not with my hands anyway, and definitely not with my cock. Well, maybe with my cock, but in no way was I ever groping.”
Cyclists the world over have idolized Sagan for his explosive sprinting power, devastating uphill accelerations and his unique victory salutes including Run Forrest, Run! and the Incredible Hulk. This latest groping allegation puts Sagan in a very awkward position, risking his popularity with both men who wear spandex two sizes too tight and women who haven’t had a date in years.
If this controversial groping allegation proves true, it could mean possible fines from the UCI for misconduct and an endless number of high fives and lifelong respect from male fans. Some are even calling for the end of having podium girls, a tradition that many feel is sexist. When asked his opinion on the topic after the awards ceremony, Sagan stopped whispering in the ear of the podium girl he allegedly groped and vehemently disagreed.
“Having podium girls is not sexist, it’s sexy. There’s a fine line. Kind of like when you accuse me of groping. What I did was not groping. Fondling? Perhaps. Caressing? Definitely. ”
Sagan reached into his jersey pocket and pulled out a piece of paper with a phone number written in lipstick.
“But if I was groping like some horny Italian teenager, do you think I would have gotten her number?”