Hey, don’t be a pussy.

George will start us off once again…

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(Transcript adjusted for relevance)

Spring cycling used to mean something. It stood for biker attitude. Grimy faces and their torn up jerseys. Full of beer and crank. Riding around, looking for a good time. Crushing hills, riding in cold rain, falling on cobbles. All very necessary activities by the way.

But now, rider glorification, fancy get-ups and this soft shit definitely didn’t come from legends of the past, it came from these weekend warriors, these fraudulent two-day-a-week mother fuckers who get their legs rubbed every day. McQuaids, and promoters, and pussy-boy wannabes getting up on their carbon bike and thinking their fucking cool. Hey buddy, you ain’t cool, you’re chili. And chili ain’t never been cool.

Look, I’m all for bending the rules when they don’t make sense. But this morning, either I woke up on the wrong side of the bed, or all the excuses and whining about difficult race courses are really pissing me off. I don’t agree with any of you who think that Taylor Phinney should be allowed to stay in the race. He got dropped, along with the grupetto. That’s not the race officials fault. That right there is just a big pack of pussies. And they’re done. The kid finished more than 10% time after Sagan and that means he’s kaput. Even Phinney gets it:

“Officially out of time limit. Rules r rules and I wouldn’t want them bent just 4 me. I already did the math so it isn’t a surprise. Onwards!” [source]

Arguments flowing all through the interwebber today contesting that the officials, who have never raced bikes themselves, should be more subjective and allowed for more interpretation in cases like yesterday’s stage 6 of the Tirreno-Adritico, where the route was so hard, that some riders chose to walk over ride. Thefuqisthatanyway?

Capture.PNG3Sagan didn’t walk. Hell, he didn’t even stand up. He sat right there on his seat the whole damn time and mashed potatoes until the finish line.

The face of pain. The face of a winner. The face of anti-pussy.

The face of pain. The face of a winner. The face of the anti-pussy.

“It’s too hard.” “It’s too wet.” “The hills are too steep.” “The mountain is too high.” “It hurts too much.” Blah blah blah. Fuck that. That right there is what Sir George Carlin is so annoyed by, and so am I. You don’t race bikes because it’s easy, you race bikes because it makes you tough. You race bikes because it’s fun to suffer. You race bikes because your fans want to watch you turn into a legend.

Speaking of fans. I’m a fan of bike racing. I don’t race, but I like watching the stuff. I like watching yesterday. I like the suffer and I like the drama. I don’t watch to feel sorry for the losers. I watch to see these guys overcome hardship. I don’t watch someone quit, and then say, “Well, he deserves to race the final stage because he got dropped and lollygagged for 6 hours by himself.” Nope, that ain’t why I watch. I watch to see guys like Sagan make a name of themselves. I watch to get a glimpse of what lies ahead for this great sport. It’s about time we all take a shot of scotch as kick ourselves in the balls and ask why we are becoming so soft. If you want compassion, if you want excuses, if you want some lovey-dovey bullshit, here’s a good place for you. http://www.beginnertriathlete.com/

Don’t be a pussy.

Ride the route, drink your beer, and don’t make excuses.

Screen shot 2013-03-10 at 12.11.37 PM

And as always, for a more detailed and presumably more thought out analysis, take a look at what they have to say over at The Inner Ring.

Shalom.

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About Cupcake

Twisted mind with simple pleasures. A bike ride and a beer will suffice.

45 thoughts on “Hey, don’t be a pussy.

  1. If you boys had any experience at the level of cycling you attempt to speak of, then it would be worth note. But as it stands, you are armchair peloton.

    Otherwise It’s without question that I share the same fundamental value of “quit being a pussy” however it is too blunt to inject into every situation and it’s certain to say that with the cumulative hours any pro has devoted to making it to the show, they are not pussies. Ask your idol Snake. Ask anyone who has been there. And I’m not talking about regional shit. I’m talking about NRC and beyond. that is where the hurt really begins.

    Otherwise, for reference, the inrng article you reference states the following opinion which contradicts your sentiments entirely:

    Think twice before labelling the riders as soft for complaining. A 200km stage in the rain is hard enough and it comes after a week of racing…
    …Ride a mile in their shoes before you have a go.

    furthermore, in 2011 Cavendish was offered amends to remain in the TdF.

    Because that move would have decimated the field three days before the final stage in Paris, organisers used articles 22 and 25b of their regulations to offer a repechage. A href=”Read more: http://www.smh.com.au/sport/cycling/cavendish-given-reprieve-despite-missing-time-limit-20110722-1hrvr.html#ixzz2NM2aF22C“>source

    Furthermorer(sic), and I am aware you do not know this, but there are many instances where the time-cut has been overruled. It is a known occurrence (ask your Patron Saint if you do not believe), so Tilford’s stance on the issue is viable, especially for Phinney’s situation where there only remained the final TT. Yes, it’s irrelevant, but still, they should have let him continue. For the rest, who hoped in their skodas, no. But Phinney, for sticking it out solo? Hell Yes.

    It’s a shame you are plucking low hanging fruit like Sagan to feed to your cattle while defiling the efforts of someone like Phinney. Esssentially you’re promoting the same shit velonews promotes which turns this place into meh.

  2. Imma have to go ahead and agree with The Gnomer a little bit here. I gots mad respeck for each and every one of those lads, even the ones who got spit out the back in a wet race in March.

    And yeah, that Sagan kid looks a little superhuman. Leaves a taste in my mouth I don’t particularly like— especially after the way you guys trashed Lance. Micro-titration is da bomb, it seems. Who knows, maybe Sagan is peaking now and will be gutter-bait come summer.

  3. Yeah, I seriously doubt that there are any “pussies” racing at the highest level. Probably takes a certain amount of sack to crest another monster climb in the last week the tdf or giro and then dive bomb down it at 55mph. The silly outfits kind’ve bely that there aren’t many more dangerous sports out there. And of course the very best take it to a altogether different level, “Lemond was in trouble. He had a bout of diarrhea. He rode by me with thirty kilometers to go, surrounded by his domestiques bringing him to the front. God the smell was terrible. It was rolling down his legs. I know if it was me I would stop. But then I am not capable of winning the Tour de France. He is, and I suppose that’s the difference.”
    – Paul Kimmage

    “Lemond was in trouble. He had a bout of diarrhea. He rode by me with thirty kilometers to go, surrounded by his domestiques bringing him to the front. God the smell was terrible. It was rolling down his legs. I know if it was me I would stop. But then I am not capable of winning the Tour de France. He is, and I suppose that’s the difference.”
    – Paul Kimmage

  4. Gnome +1. Even Andy Schleck who is the current punching bag, would drop all of us without breaking a sweat, and has logged more miles in bad weather any of us ever will… And yeah, they should have let Tyler ride the TT. He’s not bitching about it because he learned class from his parents.

  5. I was going to make a smartass remark about all this but by now I’m sure y’all are sick of my crude attempts at humor.

    I can see both sides of this argument. Good points made by Gnome and others but bike racing is a hard man’s sport. Nobody likes it when racers whine about how hard it is. We know that so as Chopper says, “Harden the fuck up”

    Since I’m playing both sides I think they should have let Phinney continue. Why? Because I like his style. If he stays away from the drugs, he may be worth watching in a sport that’s reeling from the lost decade.

    And hack, for crissakes stop posting those POV Senna videos. I shit my pants JUST WATCHING that last one. I guess I need to harden the fuck up.

  6. I got mixed thoughts on this one:

    if you’re going to race early season/classics, be ready to get tough, soaking wet, cold, and ride up walls. End of story.

    On the other hand: everyone complains about their job and after 6 days of rain and misery, hanging on for 200k only to race the TT tomorrow isn’t appealing when there’s, oh, like 6 more months of racing.

    Well written Cupcake, the write drunk edit sober technique is pulling through.

  7. @Cap’n Tony— damn. 900 BHP in a 900 Kg vehicle, full aero and ground effects, 2″ of suspension travel & set up for vicious oversteer. What could possibly go wrong?

  8. For reference, of the pussies, Andy Schleck, Fillipo Pozzatto, Stuart Ogrady, Van Poppel and 48 other variable tuff guys DNF’d while Phinney was the lone man in the Autobus to the finnish. Results sheet for Tirreno-Adriatico 2013.

    Also worth noting is the loose fact that he was only a hand ful of minutes down on Sagan by the end, after soloing for close to 4 hours (as stated in Steve Tilford’s post). That means the kid wasn’t on a day tour. He was Rolleur for four hours trying to make the cut.

    It doesn’t matter that he did not.

  9. Yeah, seriously. We don’t ride bikes because it’s easy, we ride bikes because it’s hard. We point them up steep hills and choose shitty lines just to see if we can do it…. intentionally.

    You want easy, go buy a fucking motor scooter.

    If it were easy, it wouldn’t be nearly as fun. Heck, I go singlespeed up the mountain for even moar fun. I went rigid for a while, but I’m too much of a pussy to deal with the wrist pain.

    Plus, my wife loves my rock hard ass.

  10. Cupcake yur on to something! Gnome you have a good point about Phinney! I think what I took away from the post was there are people like Phinney who got shelled, buried their heads and ground out the day as if their life depended on it. Then there were others who packed it in when it got hard to stay with the pack and whined about the course that they knew was coming months ahead of time. Yes the weather was probably intense and shitty but when so many hammered and suffered and finished, the whining of the other so-called “hard men” Big Diesel I’m looking at you, seems childish, and poor sportsman like. Deal with it, come back and shell the shit out of them in the next race that suits your talents, Don’t whine about it. Let your legs talk for you.
    Sagan is probably peaking and we won’t see too many wins down the road from him this season. I want to see if the boy can handle the cobbles.

    Oh, no one has talked about the Quick-Step shit going on right now? Dafuq is all of that shit about. Anonymous team mates, team leader is a bully, Boonen backs his boss for his job (and coke).

  11. @ gnome, et al. – (1) There is no correlation between an individual’s cycling performance and the value of that individual’s commentary on cycling. In other words, an individuals race performance is totally irrelevant. The logical extension of such argument is that all sports commentary must be comprised exclusively of those who were successful in that sport. Try applying such reasoning to something like the Olympic Games or World Championships where the events are varied across multiple disciplines. (2) The Inner Ring article was not cited as support for the author’s position. Rather, the link was part of the following sentence, “And as always, for a more detailed and presumably more thought out analysis, take a look at what they have to say over at The Inner Ring.” The reasonable inference is that the viewer can find “a more detailed” and “more thought out analysis” (i.e., something different that what the author of the subject article has written) in the referenced article. Thus, there is no conflict present. And, (3) The time limit extension granted for Mark Cavendish in the 2011 Tour de France was not granted because Cav crucified himself out on the road. It was granted because the grupetto in that instance was comprised of 88 riders.

    “[T]he Isle of Man rider had been part of an 88-strong ‘grupetto’ – a group of riders who, because of their comparative lack of climbing ability, club together in a bid to survive the stage and beat the cutoff time.

    The cutoff time is calculated using the time of the stage winner – Luxembourg’s Andy Schleck finished in 6hr 07min 56sec – with a percentage of his winning time, in Thursday’s case nine per cent.

    It meant the field had to finish in 6:41:03 to avoid being thrown unceremoniously off the race. Cavendish and co. finished in 6:43:36.

    Because that move would have decimated the field three days before the final stage in Paris, organisers used articles 22 and 25b of their regulations to offer a repechage.

    Instead, the 88 riders concerned were hit with a 20-point penalty.

    Cavendish said, had they known they were so close to the cutoff time, the grupetto might have raced to finish inside it.” http://www.smh.com.au/sport/cycling/cavendish-given-reprieve-despite-missing-time-limit-20110722-1hrvr.html#ixzz2NRAsWraO.

    Race organizers generally grant such exceptions when a large group finishes together just outside of the time limit. It is an entirely subjective decision, but it is applied reasonably and predictably. The time limit extension is applied where the race would otherwise be decimated because half the group went home. That isn’t good for the race, it’s not good for the sponsors, and it’s not good for the fans. None of those justifications are applicable to the present facts.

    This is an entirely different set of circumstances that can he clearly distinguished from the time limit being enforced against Taylor Phinney in Stage 6 of the Tirreno-Adritico because Phinney finished alone. There was no threat to the viability of the event. Therefore the enforcement of the time cut provision was justified.

    (A short note for the uninformed: This ain’t no grudge match. Gnome and I always argue about shit. It’s just what we do.)

  12. One last opinion~

    If cyclists can induce sit-in’s, it is apparent a prevailing mindset can persuade other riders to abide in union. Just like a piss stop, but DNF-like so arguably even better.

    However, if politics was the motivator Taylor Finney wasn’t listening. he was Baller in my book and I’ll be watching as he hopefully becomes a statesman of the bunch.

    Still, having over reached on the severity of the course, the race officials simply should have extended the time cut from 10% to 12 or 15 of Sagan’s finish.

    The rulings as stated only foster the success of the event in whole (ie; the owners), whereas it should also be covering rider success in circumstances such as Finney’s. I mean, FFS some dudes were walking and nearly 1/3 of the pelican DNF’d!!

    The officials should be ruling both for the prosperity of the cyclists as well as the success of the event in whole. Maybe they will have a sit-in about that some day.

  13. Gnome +1

    My fellow citizens, each time a rider is dropped, we bare witness to the enduring strength of our constitution. We affirm the promise of our democracy. We recall that what binds cyclists together is not the color of our spandex, the tenors of our grouppo, or the origins of our carbon bikes. What makes us exceptional, what makes us the Pro Tour, the highest level of cycling, is that we can balance without training wheels, and wait for each other when times get tough.

    Now let me be clear, what happened during stage 6 of Tirreno-Adritico was very unfair, and very unfortunate for the ill-prepared athletes. The rules were slanted in favor of the millionaires and billionaires. The bottom 33% went on strike and demanded fairer treatment. This should be a level playing field for all, and not just the rich, or the very athletic. This must change. This must be fair. This is life, and everybody knows, that life is fair.

    Effective immediately, I mandate that all hills be flat, and in the event of a break in the peloton, the leaders cease to persist and wait for the less fortunate. If they fail to comply, there will be strict penalties. Furthermore, there will be no more sprint finishes. Riders must now assemble side by side, join hands, and ride slowly over the finish line. Not one ahead, and certainly not one cyclist left behind.

    Let me be clear, if you reject the notion that cyclings promise is reserved for the few, your voice must be heard!

    god bless America, and god bless Five Guys hamburgers.

  14. Used to like George Carlin alot, back in the day. Saw him afew years before he passed and was reminded of nothing as much as the mental image of Andy Rooney with Tourette’s syndrome. What an unpleasent old gasbag he had become.

  15. The pedal(s) is there to be pushed. Either you have the balls to push it or you don’t.

  16. According to the WSJ it was political:

    Phinney found himself in a small group of 30 or so riders who had fallen off the main field, with about 130 kilometers, or 80 miles, left. The riders in the group began talking. Phinney said it became clear that nobody wanted to finish. source

    That article is a great inspirational read. Phinney is a Baller.

  17. cool thread.

    gnome? you are speaking the Truth. capital T.

    all readers take note. it would actually behoove you to go back RIGHT NOW and read comments (or thoughts) #2, 18, 23, and 25

    (especially 18. at the end. “It doesn’t matter that he did not.”)

    fucking beautiful.

    what is at hand here really is the topic of courage.

    phinney displayed courage, and any cyclist (be she 90 or 20 or whatever) displays it when they seek to overcome odds that are insurmountable.

    all of us reading this here are cyclists — so we by definition know what it means to suffer…. (some of course more than others … see me vs. HD McGehee, zum beispiel…)

    and we’ve all been ‘there’, to one degree or other — enduring the freak storm that finds us on our ride

    .. and yet we persevere.

    putting in the time and logging enough (as HamFist would say) “chamois time” necessary to mine our own individual potential.

    .. and yet we persevere.

    finding ourselves 10 beers in on a 100 miler and switching to whiskey (next time, dirty… next time im in….)

    and yet we persevere…

    for me it boils down to this; the recognition of single minded dedication to a purpose, however inconsequential in the long run, yet pursued relentless-like, to the point of sanity questionings. (keep it in perspective though — i mean — we are not saving childs lives here; it is just a bike race/ride, right??)

    that dedication is admirable. that will to fight is laudable. that “i-finished-the-race-and-fought-hard-for-my 37th-place” HAS VALUE.

    having said that — we all have our thresholds — who suffered more or who dumped more watts is NOT the issue. the issue here is — phinney was NOT a pussy. when the race organizers get in touch with that fact – and embrace it – is the day we see the right decisions come through for the sport we all love.

    going full out here? no drunk type sober edit stuff just straight up on the sleeve?

    there is fucking nothing cooler than a bike.

    a bike is the ultimate melding of man and machine. nowhere in the world do you see an invention that has more patents than a bicycle. nowhere in the world is there a more efficient method of moving — not a man walking or an eagle flying. no where in the world do you see a vehicle that has the rider as it’s own engine. nowhere do you see a ‘toy’ that ‘has done more to emancipate women.. than the bicycle’ (chapeau Susie B)

    … the ultimate expression of the cycling endeavor? competing on the field of sport.

    a bicycle unites us. it cuts across barriers of time, of gender, of race and nation — it levels the playing field with two simple triangles and two circles. it takes advanced graduate level math to describe the forces involved and just WHY a bicycle actually works, but it only takes a child to ride it.

    for all these reasons — and for a hundred more not mentioned — is why i love a bicycle.

    i think that taylor, in some part of his mind for those wet cold rainy miserable KM, must have thought of these things too — of his love of a bicycle.

    for his display of courage if for nothing else he should have been allowed to continue.

    jawohl.

  18. “The results are wrong. This is not a story about a guy who finished last. Taylor Phinney won that race.”

    Jason G.

    ttp://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424127887324532004578358780883339720.html?mod=wsj_share_tweet

  19. @bacardi

    You say, “Who suffered more or who dumped more watts is NOT the issue. the issue here is — phinney was NOT a pussy. when the race organizers get in touch with that fact – and embrace it – is the day we see the right decisions come through for the sport we all love.”

    Well, clearly the officials aren’t measuring suffering or watts, they are measuring the time it takes to complete the race, because as it stands now, there is not other way to determine a winner. I agree that TP isn’t a pussy, but the issue is clear, he didn’t finish in the allotted time, hence he is DQ’ed.

    If, as you say, race officials are trained to become more attuned to measuring the amount of pussiness a rider displays, which I have a hard time wrapping my head around quantitatively, the race winners and losers are decided based on the officials interpretation rather than the timed result, in which case, we are no longer racing. I disagree with you.

  20. @cupcake — thx for the comments.

    maybe i wasnt as clear in my ethanol-addled mind as i thought i was beings.

    the measurement here is not of pussy or watts or time. it is of the character of a man, and the issue is also about decisions to overlook the “rules” for displays of courage that go beyond the norm. (or for obvious race changing situations, i.e. 3/4 of the bunch wiped out in the first days of a 2 week race etc.)

    in racing, decisions are sometimes made by officials that simply don’t make sense;

    case in point — ToU in 2009 when the ONLY riders thrown out of the race for holding onto a caravan car for a minute were the amateurs and u23 racers — guys just trying to survive that would have no impact on the overall race — while the dozen others (pros) that were taking a ride (including the reigning nat crit champ at the time) were given a free pass despite being obviously guilty of the same infraction. (hmmm … seeing as how Murphy was staying at the promoters house? — the promoter who really wanted to see him in the crit on sunday? — did that have anything to do with it?…)

    .. for me it boils down to this – there are two types of officials in bike racing; the ones that are there for the cyclists, and the ones that are there for themselves–to feel power through the militant enforcement of the rulebook or to do the bidding of a race promoter.

    seen it at the local level, seen it at the national level, and neither is good for the sport.

    to address your comment – it has absolutely NOTHING to do with an officials subjective view of how much a pussy or NOT a pussy someone is. it has to do with ‘what is good for the race, what is good for the rider, and what is good for the sport’

    THAT is bike racing.

  21. Well, I guess this pretty much settles the “is Phinney a pussy” question. This kid will be dishing out some serious hurt in the classics in years to come. Even east bloc wonder boy Sagan will find himself in the pain closet compliments of the American. http://www.cyclingnews.com/news/phinney-fights-back-in-the-finale-of-milan-san-remo

    I was always afraid of dying. Always. It was my fear that made me learn everything I could about my airplane and my emergency equipment, and kept me flying respectful of my machine and always alert in the cockpit.
    Chuck Yeager

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