Update at bottom of post
NOTE: What you’re about to read you’ve most likely read some iteration of in the past, or witnessed these things yourself.
I’ve riddin bikes in most parts of the country, all different, and all awesome. Mountain bikes, road bikes, fat bikes, rad bikes, tandem bikes, beach cruisers, fixed gears and (gasp) TT bikes, among others. I’ve noticed, and I assume you have as well, trends associated with each category of bike. I’ll save you the time by not listing them all, but there is one commonality that unites most cyclists; we utilize some sort of taint protector, chamois, or lycra as it’s become known. I’ve come up with ten reasons why fitting into, or “looking good” in your spandy pants DOES NOT MATTER. Enjoy.
1) Not fitting into your lycra shows that you may care about things other than looking good riding your bike. Perhaps how a bicycle works or how to build one. Looking good as a cyclist requires that you ride your bike, for hours and hours every day, leaving you with little time to do things like learn how to fix your bike, or create useful racing strategies. Don’t get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with making a living from riding a bike, I’m envious of anyone that can do it. But what I’m saying is that STRAVA is deleterious.
2) Looking good in lycra doesn’t make you more of a man. It doesn’t mean you drink whiskey. It doesn’t mean you chop lumber. It doesn’t mean you work with your hands. It doesn’t mean you have a beard.
3) If you’re self conscious about your butt jiggle, or just enjoy looking more stylish than your Cat 6-NASCAR pals, baggies will suffice. Plus, you can carry things on your ride, like duct tape, hand cuffs, cookies, bad habits, etc.
4) Along those same lines, if you happen to stop mid-ride at the cafe’ and go on our facebook page, you don’t want to be caught with your noodle poking through your shorts while ordering your Latte’, just saying.. Your shrunken package, mixed with the stench of your pitted-out, GU slobbered jersey will help at maximum 0% in you landing moist tail. Baggies on the other hand, mixed with a nice cedar-scented beard oil, will make it rain, son.
5) You don’t eat burgers. And eating a good burger is sex on the beach.
6) Aerodynamics mean nothing when you have 4 centimeters of spacers under your stem. And for those of you haven’t heard of him, I’d like to introduce Semi-Rad, who crushes it here.
7) Because when it comes down to it, we are just not that serious about not riding our bikes, so stop trying to make it that way.
8) Fitting into tight lycra is like hipsters fitting into tight jeans. Do you own a fixie?
9) If you ain’t busting out of our shorts, you ain’t got a wattage cottage. And trust Cupcake on this, you want one of those.
10) Because you ride mountain bikes.
10.5) Because you aren’t Clint Reynolds
…
What did I miss?
by
OK. That butt is just plain nasty. You could fit the Space Shuttle up that ass.
But number 5 is the truest thing ever said. A good burger can give you a boner.
My Macbook died so I’m on a new computer trying to restore everthing.
My given name is John but TripleT lives again.
And oh. By the way.
Fuck joe.
Macbook is the new fixie.
…oh sure !!!…another awesome, crazy video of riders doing awesome, crazy stunts in awesome crazy places which is just like every other awesome crazy thing that we get to see…
…how about a plain ol’ video of that coca cola chick getting ready for work ???…
…just sayin’…
@joe
The only thing fixed is your stupidity.
“…coca cola chick…” ??
What did I miss ??
@bgw – here watch this then..
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_QSUVt5lPdY&feature=related
…somehow, i still think watching miz coca cola working her awesome, crazy ass into those tight red shorts & then bending over to strap on her little ‘fuck me’ shoes would be more entertaining…
…when i look at half dome in yosemite, i think ‘magnificent’, when i watch sunsets out at the beach here in marin county, i think ‘absolutely magnificent’ & when i look at that chicks ass, i think ‘mother of god, THAT is fucking magnificent’ !!!…
…hey, just my opinion…
it’s not miz coca cola, however, i don’t hate this..
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lTl0XObe88c
Oh shit.
I am wee todd did.
I am sofa king wee todd did.
I was so busy looking at her ass I missed the coke shirt.
Would somebody please do me a favor and just shoot me ??
Somebody is a just a little overweight and having trouble with the last few pounds methinks.
This post was crap; if you are a fat ass, you are a fat ass. Writing about it don’t make you smaller. Self control does.
…well now, ain’t that video just icing on the cupcake…“…maceo – take me to the bridge…”…
@D
This post started off good. But then as usual the perckerhead follwers of DC turned it to crap.
But I agree. That’s not a moon, it’s a spaace station.
Dude didn’t fit into lycra but didn’t need to…
http://drunkcyclist.com/2011/03/17/get-your-green-on/
Cupcake your forgot because you do this:
http://youtu.be/S589RQPYsgY
@Virgil
Thank you. That was fucking awesome !!!!!
@ Virgil – I am not worthy. This is going into the update. thanks
I thought Burt Reynolds was smooth…..
Then I watched Clint.
Damn Son.
Clint Reynolds is so smooth. Impressive.
10.6— holy cats.
yeeaahhhh oilupin ride badonkadonk. Shhhheeeiiiitttt. Think I just busted a nut up in my last tube sock. Damn
And Jethro Tull as soundtrack!!
Fucking Awesome.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GM-3tBhWaew&feature=related
(sorry, just spreading the love)
@Hurben
Jethro Tull was bad ass.
But you have to admit that Ian Anderson was bat shit crazy.
Now since this entire post has turned to shit let’s move on to something more powerfull than all of us.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4Tr0otuiQuU
I have two classical music LPs, (remember them?), in my vast collection of sounds, this one, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k-vQKZFF-9s, (yes, I know Sparky loves it too), & http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1aKAH_t0aXA.
Unfortunately, the second one will always be over shadowed by, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GKaYOW9zMoY
Three links & you need approval? you’ve got to be kidding Therefore an abridged version of my reply to T3
I have two classical music LPs, (remember them?), in my vast collection of sounds, this one, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k-vQKZFF-9s, (yes, I know Sparky loves it too), & Unfortunately, the second one will always be over shadowed by, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GKaYOW9zMoY
@Tsquared,
Ian Anderson may be Bat shit crazy but show me anyone in the younger generation who compares with that?
Man was a God!
1812 Overture is something I never liked. Too overdone.
But Apocalypse Now – “Ride of the Valkyries” is priceless.
3 links and approval ?? You need to spend more time on youtube.
Or move to country that ain’t down under.
“Man was a God!”
Yea he was. But he was a bat shit Gawd.
And every time that I ride through Auckland Domain, I stop & pay my respects to the Valkyries.
https://www.google.co.nz/search?q=auckland+domain+valkeries&ie=utf-8&oe=utf-8&aq=t&rls=org.mozilla:en-US:official&client=firefox-a
In the vain hope that a babe will come & fetch me once I kick off this mortal coil.
Sadly, if they judge by your accomplishments, after today they’ll tell me to catch the bus….
@28,
mate, this is this site.
So since this tread gives peackeheads a bad name….I give you…
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gWubhw8SoBE
Uhmmmm.
“peckerheads”.
I can’t spell for shit.
‘Kay, now it makes sense. When ttt calls me “idiot”, he’s projecting.
I do not come here to find to listen to fucktards argue over the stoopid shit like they do everyday (usual suspects have NOT been funny since 3 years ago)…I come here to be reminded I am not alone and in some circles normal
http://vimeo.com/46388153
reason 10.6 because you can do this type of stuff.
In honor of Virgil and the 2 fantastic vids he posted I am officaloly going to stop being a fucktard and just ignore joe as he should be ignored.
That is all.
Now let’s have some Flaming Lips.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0jTuKHKIT4w
Truth hurts, don’t it?
Why do the 2 old guys sound like classical posers? No mention of Dvorak’s Cello Concerto or Symphony #9. Nothing by Chopin or anyone else. Just Wagner, Bach, Mozart and Beethoven. Come guys flex your classical muscle. Stop quoting those CD’s you got for Christmas one year that were part of a box set that was sold on late night television. I know I have those.
Well. To disrupt my fucktard status.
How about some Mendelssohn.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pmj7nCRYNs4
3T and Hurben just trying to get under your skin.
3T of course you would pick the trendiest of the Violin Concertos there is or ever will be. (Just fucking with you ). Absolutely love that piece.
@41,
Huh?
I thought you were talking about some old guys?
I ain’t old.
I’m vintage.
And as far as violins go this is my fav…
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yB6S3c7f8XA
OK.
How did a post about lycra and fat butts turn in to a classical music agrument ?
DC is fucked up from the word go.
Something to bear in mind….
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rxt_GHYmolI&feature=related
Still haven’t heard anything yet to beat Perlman’s recording of Paganini’s caprices.
I’ll say it again. DC is fucked up from word go. Either that or I am.
I vote on the latter.
Let’s get back to big titty porn.
http://bigtittytreats.tumblr.com/post/30935455790
Neil Young – Americana, you fools!
Negatory AZ.
When it comes to the Gawd known as Niel Young it’s Southern Man all the way.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kVRxdPWV3RM
And can’t you post any better than a certain somebody I can’t mention ??
A real drunk cyclist:
http://www.denverpost.com/news/ci_21480467/boulder-police-drunken-cyclist-pulls-knife-driver-after
Most of you drunks just can’t compete!
Oh snap !!!!
In the process of finding that Neil Young vid, I also found this. Very cool bike vid.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=fvwpb&NR=1&v=dFdFqypCFew
like a really good whiskey that gets better with age
http://youtu.be/3_71FA0V-P0
@AZCutter
sounds like 1975 except for the bad clothes, bad drugs, bad music, bad cars and all the other shit that sucked about the 70’s.
Neil is a genuine garage/folk/rock original. Even if he is a right wing wingnut.
At least he doesn’t suck like my all time Ihopeyoudieandtakeyourwhinyshittymusicwithyou rock and roll poseur-Billy Corgan
I was gonna post a link to a shitty Smashing Pumpkins song but they all suck…so there’s this for billy
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l7e4b3gvWWQ
Smashing Pumpkins ??
Oh my fucking Gawd.
I’d rather have a root canal done by a drunk as shit homeless Hobo.
Let’s get back to classical.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LQTTFUtMSvQ
And as far as Fur elise.
That was my introduction in to the magic of classical music.
Growing up all I knew was Led Zepplin and AC/DC.
Then when I was about 18 I heard Fur elise and it all changed.
And I’ve been a connoisseur ever since.
& Listening to Warren Zevon mentioning reincarnation, it reminded me of the greatest beer ad, ever..
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LYYwaqKYgTo
@Hurben
That commercial was fucking perfect. Especially the panda at the end.
Bwhahahahahahahahahaha.
@Capn
good stuffz it is…I was hoping he would have done “Dear Eliza” there is a hole in the bucket but I’ll take Oh Suzanna on an nasty dirty electric guitar any day. Any good music will find an audience and a listener shall not confine him/herself with one choice. I’m too unstable to be locked into one genre or era.
I am also diggin on these other new releases (I visit a true record store at least once a month)
http://youtu.be/n6-A0t3sghc
High on Fire
http://youtu.be/xEPM5Dh7tz4
Testament
http://youtu.be/UnODrI_SyNs
!ALWAYS! Kerry King for President
What the fuck is all this shit?
“What the fuck is all this shit?”
This shit is priceless.
Lycra, fat butts and classical music gives me a boner. And if you think otherwise you need to go fuck yer self.
That is all.
You forgot “fuck Joe”.
Fuck joe is a given.
Now shut the fuck up you dickhead.
Classy as always.
@58 this is the downward trajectory after the apex of the shark jump
I live for jumping a shark.
It’s my greatest goal in life.
Fonzi would be proud.
Fonzi would take your lunch money, kick your ass and fuck your sister.
Had 2 brothers who are long dead,
So again. Fuck joe.
Keep stressing yourself with that pissy attitude and you could soon join them. Not healthy, and nevermind how I know.
You two should get a room. I know you pretend to hate each other but I think you’re sending coded homoerotic messages.
My only question is who gets on top? I got a 50/50 chance here but I’d say joe
You know TTT and joe, there are places you could go:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HTN6Du3MCgI
The hell with that! Not until I know how his two brothers died…
One commited suicice back in 86.
The other died of crohn’s disease in 2008.
Happy now you insatiable dickhead ??
And if anyone gets on top it’s me.
wow. i thought i was an asshole but joetheelectricplug takes the cake. you son, are an asshat. do u even ride bikes? if so, i hope you cross-up on a cattle guard. but again, your urban pale ass doesn’t even know what i’m talking about. try a pothole, fudgenose.
Alls I knows is folks have a habit of dying around the dude, so I ain’t taking no chances. If that makes me an asshat, at least I’m a live asshat.
The dude ??
The dude abides.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sYsw0KVRjCM
And your stil a jackass.
Are you STILL here?
I will always be here.
If for no other reason except to annoy you.
Annoy me? Nothing yet.
OMG. Triple T (especially) and joetheelectrician need to SHUT. THE. FUCK. UP.
Every post gets co-opted with this stupid, trivial bullshit. Enough, assholes. Reading the comments is a waiting game to see when y’all are gonna drag it down to some more weak-minded samesamelame. So tired.
Stop.
“Triple T (especially…”
Why me especially ???
And joe is stil a dick.
The obvious fact thet I need to shut the fuck up doesn’t eradicate the fact that joe is a dick.