The Sunday Spore with D2: Rampant Spew Edition

I’ve got a few things on the docket for you this week—-including a review of a killer bike, the Civilian Luddite—and the further you scroll down, the more interesting this post gets.

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First, let’s start with my new title as NTAC.

For those of you who aren’t in the know, NTAC is a designation we’ve all had at one time or another in our riding careers:

No

Talent

Ass

Clown

I became the no-talent ass clown this past Friday on the tall boy ride, or TBR, as it’s known in these parts. The NTAC is the rider who falls hard enough to draw blood or leave his or her bike during the ride. I did it in grand fashion, going over the bars off a foot-and-a-half drop I’ve done a hundred times before. I football-tackled the ground and laid there for a moment, wondering just how hurt I actually was. This worried the folks I was riding with, as they thought I’d knocked myself out. I’m told the worst part of it was the sound I made: a dull thud. Just call me Michael Bolton.

Thank god for unbroken collar bones.

As it is, I am currently sore all over my body and hopped up on some hydrocodone, which is just about doin’ the trick. Feelin’ good. A perk of being the NTAC? Perhaps.

Have you been an NTAC lately? Hit the comments section and tell D2 your story. Best story will score a FREE DRUNKCYCLIST.COM POSTER! 

___________________________

The folks over at Civilian bikes, however, are anything but NTACS. Let me introduce  you to the Civilian Luddite, the next bike in the Drunkcyclist.com bike review queue. Mr. 40 Hands and I will be tag-teaming this three-part review, and I’ve got the honors of writing up part one, so here we go.

Civilian Luddite

Perhaps you remember the lovely Jennifer from an earlier post? She was kind enough to present the Civilian Luddite, a rigid singlespeed number with them there 29er wheels…

 

When Dirty Biker sent the bike my way, he told me it would not ride at all like the NINER. Boy, was he right. His words were, in fact, that it would ride like a dirt jumper. It does indeed. I even went and did some dirt jumps with it, and it handled itself well.

This is a very simple bike, which I count in its favor. It is 4130 Cro-Moly, which I must admit is not my favorite material. The Luddite is well built, though, and I never felt like I was being jostled around too badly. Still, I was pining for Reynolds 531 steel a few times on the rougher trails.

Civilian Luddite

4130 Cro-Moly tubing, dressed up all fancy with a DC sticker. The look of the bike? Simple, classy…a bit cheeky, perhaps.

If you’re looking for a high performance race bike, this ain’t it. The bike is pretty heavy for a rigid singlespeed, and fuck, who races on a rigid singlespeed anyway? (Actually, I can think of quite a few people who are more man than I…) The Luddite is a fun bike for sure, but I wouldn’t want it to be my only bike in the stable. Long dirt climbs? Hell yes. A long day of technical descents? Ummm….

 Civilian LudditeThat carbon fork is swept out pretty far, but I didn’t notice it. I definitely felt like the steering was snappy enough, and the carbon fork made the jitters go away.

The top tube felt a bit short to me, which lent itself to the snappy handling. I never felt uncomfortable on the bike, though it did take some getting used to coming from the Niner. I might have even bumped up to a large in this bike, even though I almost always ride medium bikes. There were a few occasions on the trail when I felt compelled to stop and raise up that seatpost a bit more, and I did find myself scooting to the rear of the seat more than once on longer flat sections.

Now, let’s pause this review for a gratuitous shot of a hot girl in a DC jersey. 

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That there DC jersey sure does look good on some folks. Personally, I think it looks pretty damn good with my beer gut pushin’ it out just a touch.

There. Now moving on…the WTB wheels seem stout, though I’ve had problems with their hubs and rims in the past. So far I’ve beat on them pretty good (mostly because I have no finesse on the bike) and they have stayed true. The hubs spin nicely with no play. We’ll just have to wait and see how they hold up in the long run.

Civilian Luddite

The wheels are nothing special, but they are decently strong and utilitarian. This is a budget bike without the budget performance.

This is the second 29er I’ve ridden recently, which is a marked transition from my past rigs. Further, it’s the first rigid singlespeed I’ve ridden in about ten years. I’ve never been a big singlespeed guy, but this has essentially been my summer of the singlespeed, and I gotta say, I’m diggin’ it. Simplicity is key in all aspects of my life right now, and I think THOREAU would be a fan of the Luddite for exactly this reason.

Civilian Luddite

29er wheels were a hard sell for me, but this is the second 29er bike I’ve ridden that has felt well balanced and fast. I could attack technical stuff well with this, but I didn’t feel like I was fighting the big wheels up hills.

 

I give Civilian props for their eye-catching and wrist-saving carbon fork. It felt a bit squirrely on consistently rough stuff, but so far, I’ve got nothing but good things to say about a front end that sucks up vibration before it baby-shakes my wrists.

Civilian Luddite

Yes, yes, and more yes. The horizontal drops are key. I honestly don’t know why companies mess with anything else when designing a dedicated singlespeed. But where the hell is the bottle opener?!?!

I did adjust the sliding drops once to accommodate some chain slack. Has been perfect since. The BB7 brakes are an always-reliable choice, and they aren’t expensive. I give the bike high marks for wise component choices.

Civilian Luddite

Style points. I definitely feel like Civilian’s got one of the coolest logos in the industry right now. Simple design gets high points in D2′s book. Want to know what the opposite looks like? Take a peek at just about any Specialized bike. Freaking logos everywhere. Kudos to Civilian for toning it down a notch.

Let’s talk briefly about the rear end…

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No, not that rear end.

I think just about every cyclist has battled with saddle choice. I found my perfect saddle in the Selle Italia C2, but I gotta tell ya, the saddle on the Luddite was damn comfy, despite its name that would indicate the opposite. I like to think they were being funny when they called the saddle the Cutter…if so, props to them.

Overall, this bike is, so far, a worthy addition to any bike stable, especially if you’re looking for a super-affordable, reliable rig. I’d definitely keep it in my garage for just the right occasion. It would make a great first singlespeed, too, so if you’ve got friends looking to get into it, recommend the Luddite.

That’s all for now. Stay tuned for 40 Hands’s take on the same bike in the near future. He’s currently shredding it up in the Front Range north of here, and he’s got more experience with the rigid singlespeed than I do.

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About D2

I am a writer and a photographer. I never killed a man in Reno, but I once rode a bike through a casino in Vegas. Bikes are cool, huevos rancheros are for breakfast, whiskey is for dinner. Denver, Colorado, USA

60 thoughts on “The Sunday Spore with D2: Rampant Spew Edition

  1. since when did DC turn into a soft porn site. LAME SAUCE!!! start up a porn site you fools!

  2. Monkey must be new here, and who the hell thinks a site called “drunkcyclist” is going to be PC anyway?

    Nice to see DC getting back to it’s roots. You can take the bike out of the porn, but you can’t take the porn out of the bike.

    :)

  3. OK. 2 things.

    A. “…the sound I made: a dull thud. Just call me Michael Bolton.” That was fucking funny bro.

    2. Why do women get tramp stamps ?? Does any one here consider it attractive ? I think it makes a woman look like shit.

    OK, I’m done with my idiocy.

  4. One time I was riding my bike and adjusting the boys – you know, hand shoved down your bibs trying to get one of the jewels out from under your ass so you can ride without wincing in pain with every down stroke of the left crank arm. I was a little nervous about how this would appear since there was a really nice looking young woman on her road bike riding a couple hundred feet behind me – I had just passed her a moment ago and we exchanged a nice hello. I was also a slight bit concerned about how things were smelling down there with all the fart action of the last couple hours – My burrito feast the night before was not going to be forgotten. Well, from out of nowhere a squirrel jumps right into the front wheel, getting its tail and left rear leg caught in my Ksyrium. I went down with a thud on my right shoulder and was still stuck in the pedals – never saw it coming. The squirrel was screaming and having a freak out. I was laying there trying to figure out whether I had accidentally ripped my balls off in what was a dramatic and clearly unexpected meeting with the pavement. As I tried to remove my hand from the front of my bibs I realized my Road ID was caught on the fabric. So, I’m laying there on the ground, cleats still attached to pedals, fucking squirrel screaming its ass off, twisting my hand all around in my shammy trying to get it unstuck and of course the nice woman rides up and begins to stop. She apparently took in the whole scene for a split second before deciding not to actually stop. Instead she yells, “What the hell!” and “You’re disgusting”, before pedaling away. I did manage to get unstuck from both the pedals and my shammy and after pulling the poor squirrel out of my front wheel it ran away and I rode away. Of course after about 3 minutes I had caught up to the nice woman again and tried to figure out what to do. If I ride behind her she would probably feel like I was following her. And after what she had already seen me do who knows what kind of person I was… So, I decided it would be best to just drop the hammer and come around her without saying a word and that’s what I started to do. The problem was I had terrible stomach cramps and was more than a bit gassy. So, right as I hit the afterburners and began coming around her I ripped the longest, loudest ass gurgle I had done in months. It was a proud moment, aside from the fact that I was crop dusting her and she already thought I had something wrong with me. I just kept riding and tried not to look back.

  5. #06-2. Wait. What? Did ttt just espouse a view long held by this man? Might be hope for the boy after all.

  6. @Shammy Bubbles

    I don’t care if that really happened or not, good story bro. This site needs more of that kinda rampant spew.

    100 rampant spew credits for you.

    Whenever I adjust my purple-helmeted warrior of love it seems to be on a cold day after I just rubbed some hot embrocation on my legs but forgot to wash my hands before beginning the ride.

    Burn baby burn

  7. bravo bubbles, a brilliantly amusing ditty to follow a beautifully visual D2 review.

    not the biggest fan of the stamp ,but sure love the thong

    oh, and spank monkey, fuck off!!

  8. Hey D2, I really don’t mean to be picky but;

    “It is 4130 Cro-Moly, which I must admit is not my favorite material. The Luddite is well built, though, and I never felt like I was being jostled around too badly. Still, I was pining for steel a few times on the rougher trails.”

    last I checked 4130 is in fact steel. Pretty much the most generic steel alloy going as far as bikes go so I’m guessing that the quoted section was a fumbled edit or something.

  9. …deets – that first photo is my favorite of your dc series…it’s gonna go in the calendar, ya ???…just don’t use it for february or any ’30 day’ months ‘cuz that deserves 31 days of perusal…

    …the dc jersey photos are pretty cool too…damn, they’re all good, ya ???

    …@ shammy bubbles – true or imagined – bwahahaha !!!…& hey, she already called you disgusting so you ended that relationship on the right note…

  10. My ass is first class.

    D2 is cool in my book.

    Any one says else is wrong.

    joe still an idiot.

  11. The typo is addressed. Thanks Kark. And to the rest: well, I went done took some photos. There they are. Like em. Hate em. They’ll still be there in the morning…

  12. Someone pass me my Livestrong jersey, I just came. Good sheit, and a breath of fresh air. Week done D-dos!

    Boobs=good
    Bike=meh
    DC=back
    Tramp stamp=whack like crack

    If Michael Bolton crashed his bike in the woods and only John Tesh was there to hear him fall, would he still make a thud?

  13. I built a ladder, 6′ ramp up, 6′ flat ladder, 2′ drop. First attempt at going off it I landed head first and broke my AC Joint.

  14. D2, I figured it was just a fumble. and as it happens my name is Mark, so the iphone actually got it right. weird!

  15. Monkey, you and I are gonna be chatting soon due to you dump you took on DC. See ya at the bike show…

  16. D2 my NTAC story goes like this. I work for a MTB DJ company. Haven’t ridden anything that is supposed to come off the ground in 18 years. So the first month I’m here boss brings in his bike. I’m rolling around the parking lot, bunny hopping curbs. Go to do a bunny hop to front wheel manual over the relatively flat planter right in front of our door, hit a paver stick it and go OTB right in front of the boss, who only saw me do that. Looks up and says “Hmmm that was special.” Made me feel like a NTAC instantly. Did I mention it was his prototype bike that he had just finished rebuilding. Made me feel even worse.

  17. Ha, Virgil Mutha Fuckin Rufas. I’ve seen your boss disappointed a few times, I can totally see his facial reaction when you did this.

  18. “Hmmm that was special.”

    I’ve heard that so many times in my life I should take out a patent.

    I’d be a gazillionaire.

  19. Cave, yeah it is hard to describe but you know when you’ve done something stupid instantly.

  20. Well, one time I was remounting my ‘cross bike and managed to fuck it up and shred my *left* calf on the chainring. Now that’s an NTAC move.

  21. “Well, one time I was remounting my ‘cross bike and managed to fuck it up and shred my *left* calf on the chainring. Now that’s an NTAC move.”

    That’s nothing. I went open up my car door once and woke up in the ER.

    I banged the shit outta myself.

  22. …gee, i have nothing to compare these experiences to, being as i’ve always been as graceful as a gazelle…

    …okay, a three legged gazelle…a drunken three legged gazelle…on smooth concrete…oiled, smooth concrete…at a 15% grade…

    …& my nickname DID used to be ‘hog-wild’…go figure…

  23. …bottombracket…with the ‘relationship’ you have with deetwo, the fact that you’d even ask that question means you’re a bigger idiot than i already had you pegged for…

    …you DO ‘get’ what i’m saying, ya ???…

  24. @badhair: other photogs who don’t like the photos I take and who can’t just keep it professional and say it to my face. Instead, they go and publicly bash my shit…ya know, burning bridges and making himself look like an asshole.

  25. Mikey,

    When I was first learning how to do cross remounts. I was sitting behind my shop in a set of dickies shorts, practicing for about 2 hours. The last one I mis-judged it, hit the back of the saddle, which caused my thigh to land on the back tire. The momentum then caused the tire to suck part of my thigh inbetween the tire and the frame. The tire burnt through the shorts and left burn marks on my thigh as well as an awesome looking horseshoe shaped bruise that lasted for about three weeks.

  26. @Virgil #43— heheheh half the fun of ‘cross, I guess. The last time I “got off” the ‘cross bike, I was riding it on an MTB trail like a total NTAC, stuck my front tar in a creek crossing, endo’ed and splashed down head first. I am such a fucking dork.

  27. but you know what else was interesting? Yesterday, Schwalbe agreed to buy me a new set of Rocket Rons. I’m really glad they stepped up because otherwise I would have trash-talked them for evah.

  28. I am a NTAC everytime I get on the fucking bike and I don’t really care wtf – P.S. the poster is awesome but got me in trouble with the “boss” please continue with more posters tho

  29. bgw @39… I “DO” know get what you are saying… hopefully your post hasn’t outed deetwo from the homo closet. shame on you! so fans you heard it here first… D2 is fudgepacking ladyboy…

  30. …alpineattitude…the next time you suck bottombrackets dick, ask him what i really meant…

    …to everybody else, it was kinda obvious that bb just wanted a response so he could use it to play more stupid games…

    …but you’ve proven yourself to be an absolute moron, which is why you hang w/ guys like bb…

  31. …btw, alpineattitude…the magnitude of your stupidity starts to make bottombracket look like an intellectual giant, which is relative, of course…

    …the two of you have proven that two half-wits together don’t come close to equaling one whole healthy form of intelligence…

    …thanks for sharing…

  32. You ever notice the politicians who bark the loudest about homosexuality are always the guys getting handjobs in airport bathrooms by other dudes?

    Know what I’m sayin’, Alpineattitude?

  33. I know who duct-taped the turtle to the balloon.

    It was alpineattitude/bottombracket!

    You bastard (s)!

  34. Truce, D2. Really just waitin’ on some light hearted humor. Really, D2. We thinks you are still a junior fuckwad but nonetheless a fuckwad in training. more to come? maybe. i’m sure the reptilianbrained bgw will not agree. We don’t care. when ya’ll want to do some real gut riding? you’ll find the trailhead.

  35. “…the reptilianbrained bgw…”…that’s almost a compliment…

    …but i have to consider the source…

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