This article came to my attention last week, it made me think…
Dear Josephine Allen,
With all do respect madam, you have no fucking idea what you’re talking about. There is no such thing as “truth” and if there ever was, I would listen to a bulldog’s nutsac drag on the floor before listening to you. We all have our own realities, and you spreading this crap around, or the “truth” as you say, about drinking booze and riding a bike being a bad thing, that’s your opinion. And no matter how baseless that shit is, I recognize it because you have the right to your opinion. But I also have the right to my opinion, and you’ve inspired me to respond to some of your scientific findings, let me explain:
SLEEP PATTERNS AFFECTED:
The low blood glucose levels caused by the alcohol in your body can have a serious effect on sleep patterns too. REM sleep is disturbed and this is the sleep cycle where you consolidate and commit to long-term memory everything that happened during the day.
Booze helps me sleep, and I’m sure we could substitute any of the following where you put the word “alcohol:”
A Big Mac, not enough sex, butt fat, having the name Josephine. For example:
- The low blood glucose levels caused by the a Big Mac in your body can have a serious effect on sleep patterns too.
- The low blood glucose levels caused by the not enough sex can have a serious effect on sleep patterns too.
- The low blood glucose levels caused by the fat in your butt can have a serious effect on sleep patterns too.
- The low blood glucose levels caused by having the name Josephine can have a serious effect on sleep patterns too.
See my point? There is tons of shit that make you sleep poorly, don’t pin it solely on alcohol.
Antidiuretic hormones which normally prevent too much urine being created are reduced in the body when you drink alcohol, the resulting effect being excess urine production, dehydration… and of course several trips to the bathroom in the night which compound your already disturbed sleep!
Dehydration continues well after alcohol consumption and since as little as a 2-percent decrease in body water weight can have a significant impact on performance this is certainly going affect your Strava time the following day.
If you don’t want to peepee all night, then drink your beer during the day, or better yet, morning. You ever heard of a Breakfast Stout? They don’t call it that for nothing! If you feel dehydrated and need some electrolytes, wash it all down with a bloodied up girl named Mary, then go slay some shit on your bike. Oh, and ditch STRAVA, it’s really only a System That Reports All Vain Activity anyways. Get over yourself and find some meaning in your life other than showing everyone how slow you rode your Churrvelo B3 Bomber around that 12 mile epic neighborhood route you love so much. I’m pretty sure the stress of seeing your name DFL on that KOM list is going to do more harm to your health than an IPA. Just saying…
MUSCLE GROWTH AFFECTED:
Lack of sleep not only turns me into the human equivalent of a caged tiger being poked with a big stick but the double whammy here is that less sleep equals less HGH being produced by the body. What does HGH do? Exactly what the name Human Growth Hormone suggests—builds muscles. Reducing what is naturally produced in the body to build muscle is clearly a performance decreasing strategy.
You don’t seem to get it, Josephine. You’re already living in a cage, and you’re already are being poked with a stick, although I don’t know if it’s a big one or not. As far as building muscle with HGH, I never realized cyclists wanted to be Macho Man Randy Savage. When’s the last time you saw your favorite WWE hero on a bike?
CORTISOL PRODUCTION INCREASES:
Cortisol (a useful “fight or flight” hormone which increases with stress levels) increases when you drink alcohol. While you may be having a merry old time while you’re in the pub, the aftermath on your system can be dramatic. Increased cortisol negatively affects testosterone levels and being in a prolonged and unnecessary state of “I’m ready to flee from an attacking rhinoceros” can’t be good for anyone.
You know what’s more dramatic that the aftermath of a fun night out with your pals? You lying like freaking Lewinsky! Look, I don’t know how often you’re being attacked by rhinos, but I am every Sunday morning when I ride past some McChurch out here in the ‘burbs and these gargantuan, anti-drinking, abstinence-is-the-only-way whores come after me because of my dope ass poster. And you know what, I’m fucking happy I’m pumped on cortisol during that shit. Wouldn’t want it any other way.
TESTOSTERONE PRODUCTION IS REDUCED:
Studies have shown that consuming alcohol leads to a dip in testosterone (i.e. post-riding drinking could really affect that period of muscle growth after a training ride). And don’t be fooled by thinking testosterone is only a guy issue. Sadly this isn’t the case; girls need it too for muscle development.
Studies have shown that being married to a teetotaler leads to a dip in testosterone (i.e. sipping on a post-ride STRAVA smoothie at Boulder I-Sniff-My-Own-Butt Cafe’ could really affect the length of your bee-kaw). And don’t be fooled by thinking testosterone is also a girl issue. Sadly this is the case when girls use testosterone:
Oh dear, don’t listen to a god damn word she says. Please, stick to the diet; Eat beer, ride bikes, and never go to Active.com again.by