You’re only as good as your last drink…

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Staff Wizards have zero magic

Ok, I might be stepping over the line on this topic but  I gotta say something. I keep seeing this game popping up amongst the over due hipster crowd and it’s more fucking stupid than wannabe hippies beating on deerskins.

First of all who tapes their NASCAR beer cans together after drinking one? I’ll tell you who, a magical Wizard Staff; yep you heard me, a fucking wizard and if you drink enough you can even get the title “white wizard”- I believe that is 10 beers taped together.

How hard is it to just open a beer and drink the fucking thing? Can’t you just be another ant in the ant hill and drink like the rest of the colony?

And your poor recycling bins! do you have extra long recycling bins for this activity? Or do you really have magical powers that they just disappear? My mind tends to wander toward a visual of taping the recycling bins together, since this is such a crafty game and we all know there is no such thing as magic.

From all my field work I put in today, I had these vids passed to me and I thank you very much for em’. One thing that wasn’t suggested when I first watched them is, you gotta watch them both at the same time- super huge difference, seriously (The pain will end faster.)

YouTube Preview Image YouTube Preview Image

My last words, when it comes to stupid games that are a waste of time, I’d much rather play with Strava- I’ll take KOM’s any day of the week over trying to achieve “White Wizard” status.

p.s. I got a shirt Idea for you, “All hail the White Wizard“- might be better then putting a bird on it.




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About caveman

I am... Caveman. Spokane, Washington, USA

56 Replies to “You’re only as good as your last drink…”

  1. …jeez…they all make it sound so complicated…

    …we used ta drink a lotta beer, do a lotta shots AND smoke a lotta dope & i don’t recall ever needing a training manual…

    …just sayin’…

  2. No worries señor grande, I have seen the base of a staff as a 40 bottle taped to the cans following. Our host, the Evil wizard broke everyone’s staff later as revenge for calling him Harry Plopper for puking after three or four beers. Things got out of hand. I drink gin these days…

  3. Showing people how much I’d had to drink was only fun when I didn’t drink so much…

  4. Do all these aging hipsters realize that they’re engaging in an activity popularized by frat bros at least 10 years prior? I guess this is like that meta-irony bullshit something or other.

  5. “…popularized by frat bros at least 10 years prior?”

    10 years ?? I’m 48 years old. I remember doing this shit in high skool back in the late 70’s.

    If your over the age of 18 and you do this shit you need an icepick to the back of the head.

  6. drink beer.

    tape beer cans together with ducktape, or whatever.

    go fuck yourselves.

  7. Once again a dc thread degenerates into bullshit grade school name calling and shit talking
    Not that shit talking is all bad, it just seems to me too many are taking their shit WAAAY too fucking seriously. C’mon, lighten the fuck up! You think some goofy shit is some kind of big deal? Did it affect your life in any measurable form? Drink your beer as you you choose, ride the bike of your choice and enjoy. Is it really that hard? Excuse me as I climb off my soapbox, but allow me this…. Relax and get back to being light hearted (for the most part) around here.

  8. I feel guilty for getting so stoked. I can totally see why some people having harmless drunken fun might insult some viejo’s sensibilities. Sorry guys!

  9. I’ll take that icepick up the ass, if that’s possible. Just let me get deep on my wizard staff, first.

  10. “…drink beer…”…sheesh !!!…can i ask if the guys in the ‘cipollini pants’ qualify as actually beer drinkers when they spew the brew after every can simply in order to build their ‘wizard staffs’ ???…

    …(1)- i ask in the most lighthearted & loving manner possible…

    …(2)- no sensibilities were harmed in the asking of this question…

  11. I thought that stuff was yoohoo chocolate milk, judging by the appearance of the cans.

  12. “Once again a dc thread degenerates into bullshit grade school name calling and shit talking”

    If DC stops shit talking, DC ceases to exist.

    That is all.

  13. Hell hath no fury like a Strava user scorned.
    Why all the hubbub over a drinking game? It’s just a game people. Just a game.

  14. Let’s sh!t on young people having fun their way becuase we all know our way is the coolest.

  15. Wow, you all have become your parents in your old age. “Stupid kids, back in my day we drank straight from the barrel, because we didn’t have no fancy aluminum or glass to drink from. Bunch of sissies with their bottles and cans.” For fuck sakes let the fun of other go on, or pull up post in a wife beater and shorts on your porch and start telling kids “get off my lawn.”

  16. Silly kids with their duct tape, and beer. Next thing you know, they’ll bomb Mount Tam on beefed up beach cruisers. Silly fads rarely last.

  17. “Wow, you all have become your parents in your old age.”

    We all become our parents in our old age.

    It’s just a scary fact of life.

  18. caveman, you’re a fuckwad. look in the mirror and i promise it’ll reveal something you’ve done rather recently that you interpreted as utterly cool and novel. upon closer inspection, it was at least as gay as the wizardstaffshit. and, i’m sure someone or manyone saw your ill-perceived “cool” act and had the same visceral reaction you had to the wizardstaffguys. you’re only as cool as your last action and equally uncool as your next.

    quit hating. i hope stevil pays you a visit and shoves his metal staff up your ass…

  19. “caveman, you’re a fuckwad.”

    We’re all fuckwads in our own way. OK. I don’t like wizardstaffs. Instead I do my own special version of drunken stupidity.

    I officially withdraw my previous comments and distaste for this game.

    Just remember at the end of the evening the guy with the biggest wizardstaff loses. Because odds are he’s passed out drooling or off in the woods puking.

  20. @Bottombracket, why yes indeed I have done something cool and novel! Changed my dirt jump line from the front of the yard to the back (didn’t know there was a slight up hill going into the line, my bad). I also lit a fire ant hill on fire in the same week.

    Hating? nah, it’s like the compassion socks, I don’t hate the person just the socks. I don’t see Stevil up in this place pissed off. I bet all he would say would be “I like turtles”.

  21. not quite ‘cool and novel’ but nice try. keep workin’ on it. guess i could hate on the fact that i changed my dirt jump line back in 1996 and you copied me 16 years later… but i won’t. and don’t let your hate for inanimate objects get the best of you. socks r’ socks. personally, i’m not too fond of them either but really… socks r’ well… socks. and by extension, staffs r’ staffs.

  22. …so…by a tallied vote of XX-# ‘in favor of’ vs XX-# ‘not in favor of’, we can surmise that wizard staffs are both cool & not cool…

    …all results are final & the vote tally was done by the accounting firm of sticky dick…

    …so, there you have it, thank you for your time & support…

    …(& i promise i’ll NEVER say this again but…)…

    …that is all…

  23. Keith, is that Fango in your picture? Really? Please don’t tell me you are an ICP fan?

  24. @39 now that’s a bloated hipster i can see participating in some serious wizardstaffassery…

  25. I only wear kilts around with my carved out magical walking stick when I get my asshole on- its easier to show off how big mine is and the only magic my stick gives off is better bracing when people get tempted to dive hard into it head first. It always looks so big from a distance but nope, I poop just like you.

    @BB, your not the smoothest BB in the shop are ya?

  26. I don’t see cavey being “stoopid” either.

    You have serious issues BB that are best dealt with by visiting the local hospital and saying “Please help me”.

  27. you call that sword-fest hardcore? wtf. lameness. kosten is core but that’s about it.

  28. Currently rocking out to Pavlov’s Dog – Pampered Menial. Awesome, total throwback to the good years.