Oscar Wilde once said, “Seriousness is the only refuge of the shallow.” I’ll let you make of that what you will, but there is a serious issue to be discussed today, and that is why cupcakes are greater than your PowerTap.
My good friend, a disc jockey by passion and sales guy by trade, asked me earlier if I had heard of the butt dyno. I had not.
“It’s a race car term,” he tells me. “A lot of people spend a shit ton of money getting there car ‘dyno’d’ where they figure out exactly how much horse power and torque they have. Contrary to a traditional dyno, the butt dyno is free and is the ‘feeling’ of how fast the car goes while you drive it. It’s like using the seat of your pants to determine how fast your rig is.”
“OK, great,” I said, “but how accurate is it?”
“That’s not the point. If it ‘feels’ faster, that’s all that matters.”
I was digging where this was going.
He continued, “So, people that use power taps and heart rate monitors and all that crap…fuck that! Did you ‘feel’ faster today?”
“So how does this relate to cupcakes?” I asked.
“Cupcakes go straight to your ass and it’s a fact that a bigger ass generates more watts. Plus, it would be better to eat cupcakes all day and go riding and see how you ‘feel,’ rather than being hooked up to your PowerTap all day, because the PowerTap doesn’t give you ‘feel.'”
“Look,” he says, “A lot professional race cars, when they are getting set up, aren’t setup as fast as they could theoretically be. For example, the theoretical limit for speed in a corner is related to tire grip, steering Ackerman, weight, ballast, all this shit. And if an engineer, on paper, set it up to the theoretical limit, the driver wouldn’t go as fast. Instead the car has some ‘give’ built into it. The car is allowed to slide a little, allowed an extra hop or two. This makes it faster because when you add the human element, data and numbers and graphs are not as important. Like if a robot was riding a bike, cupcakes wouldn’t matter.”
“Fuck your power tap. Fuck your heart rate monitor. Eat a cupcake. Put on some house music and go ‘feel’ it.”
I leave you with one parting question:
If you own a PowerTap, how does it make you “feel”? If you don’t own a PowerTap, how do you think it would make you “feel”?
Top answer gets a sticker pack.
Cheers to cold beers.by