Cupcakes > PowerTap

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Oscar Wilde once said, “Seriousness is the only refuge of the shallow.” I’ll let you make of that what you will, but there is a serious issue to be discussed today, and that is why cupcakes are greater than your PowerTap.

My good friend, a disc jockey by passion and sales guy by trade, asked me earlier if I had heard of the butt dyno. I had not.

“It’s a race car term,” he tells me. “A lot of people spend a shit ton of money getting there car ‘dyno’d’ where they figure out exactly how much horse power and torque they have. Contrary to a traditional dyno, the butt dyno is free and is the ‘feeling’ of how fast the car goes while you drive it. It’s like using the seat of your pants to determine how fast your rig is.”

“OK, great,” I said, “but how accurate is it?”

“That’s not the point. If it ‘feels’ faster, that’s all that matters.”

I was digging where this was going.

He continued, “So, people that use power taps and heart rate monitors and all that crap…fuck that! Did you ‘feel’ faster today?”

“So how does this relate to cupcakes?” I asked.

“Cupcakes go straight to your ass and it’s a fact that a bigger ass generates more watts. Plus, it would be better to eat cupcakes all day and go riding and see how you ‘feel,’ rather than being hooked up to your PowerTap all day, because the PowerTap doesn’t give you ‘feel.'”

“Look,” he says, “A lot professional race cars, when they are getting set up, aren’t setup as fast as they could theoretically be. For example, the theoretical limit for speed in a corner is related to tire grip, steering Ackerman, weight, ballast, all this shit. And if an engineer, on paper, set it up to the theoretical limit, the driver wouldn’t go as fast. Instead the car has some ‘give’ built into it. The car is allowed to slide a little, allowed an extra hop or two. This makes it faster because when you add the human element, data and numbers and graphs are not as important. Like if a robot was riding a bike, cupcakes wouldn’t matter.”

“Fuck your power tap. Fuck your heart rate monitor. Eat a cupcake. Put on some house music and go ‘feel’ it.”

I leave you with one parting question:

If you own a PowerTap, how does it make you “feel”? If you don’t own a PowerTap, how do you think it would make you “feel”?

Top answer gets a sticker pack.

Cheers to cold beers.

About Cupcake

I don’t have a beer gut, I’ve developed a liquid grain storage facility.

96 Replies to “Cupcakes > PowerTap”

  3. I own a wireless Powertap SL (Campy cassette). It’s laced with 32 spokes to a bomb proof Mavic Open Pro rim. I run 28mm Conti tires on it. It is far and away the most effective training tool I have ever used. The numbers don’t lie. “How you feel,” is a lousy way to gauge effort. Your feelings have as much to do with how well you slept, what you ate and how many espressos you have in you as it does with the amount of work you are doing. If you want to get fast, using a PowerTap and following a solid program will get you there.

    That being said…

    Mine is for sale. I simply don’t have enough time to “train” any more. With two jobs, two kids and wife, I am lucky to get in 3-4 hours a week on the bike. So, instead of training, I play… I bought a $60 pawn shop BMX bike, and I chase my kids around the neighborhood. I granny gear up hills, and hollar out loud on the way down. My belly is bigger. My thighs are smaller. My pace is decidedly slower.

  5. I used to ride a Look 595 Ultra. Loved it/hated it. It had a computer. Then a wireless computer, then a wireless computer with cadence, then a wireless computer with cadence and a heart rate monitor. Then I sold that frame to get my steel steed. Now all that crap sits in a drawer in my garage. I enjoy riding more nowadays and when people ask me what my speed was/is I tell’em where I started and what time. Let them figure out the math! I’m riding!

  6. @54

    How about we just fucking ignore each other ??

    I’m man enough for that, are you ???

    Post #45 was a joke. And I truly hope Angry Buddhist understands that better than the limited mind that you possess.

  7. …tell ya what, t3…you wanna ignore me, that’s your prerogative so you go ahead & undoubtedly we’ll find out where you’re really ‘at’…

    …personally, i’m not gonna agree to a goddamn thing with you…i think you got your feelings hurt over something that involves one of your little pals which is a situation you really know nothing about because you’ve heard one side of a biased story…

    …btw, do i honestly need to point out that any of this has absolutely nothing to do with being ‘man enough’ ???…rather antiquated perspective there, ya ???…

    …“Post #45 was a joke…”…yep, you proved my point…classy stuff that…

  8. Do all you want. Power tap if it gives you a sense of measurement. The oddity is that for all of our individual efforts, there exists one primal and unescapable fact. Time will kill you. It wears down mountains, kills kings, makes old man dicks into dingalings. Typically, one rises to power through excellence, and attains a peak of performance. Then, that slave unto himself constantly chases the unattainable dream of their prior excellence, ” I remember back when…..”. I know this, I climb a huge hill once a year. On a fixed gear just to really make everything slow down. My knees crack, my right achilles tendon screams, and I wonder sometimes when that giant bloated feeling in my chest will take me down. I ask my wife when I meet other men my age, ” Do I look that old?”. She smiles and says “Hell no. What are we riding tonight? Fixed or geared?” Power tap your ass off. It’s like drinking non alcholic Jack D, or fucking your teddy bear. It’s private, pointless, and you know damn well in your heart if you gave it your all. As in life, you don’t need a machine to answer the voice in the back of your haed.

  9. PS Triple T comment way out of line. Haters gonna hate, but damn, leave the loved ones out of it.

  10. Like BJ, I bring about as much as a 12 year old to the fitness party. A Power Tap would be silly. I used a HR monitor for about a year back in the racing days, and learned what my body was telling me. The battery died and I never got around to replacing it. Eventually, I pulled all of the computers off of my bikes. It’s better that way. I use a tracking app on my phone, but that’s just for giggles. It’s not really a training aid, since I don’t train. Just ride. Unless you’re a pro (or have a shot at being one), it’s better to just enjoy riding.

  11. “…some ‘give’ built into it…”

    Like a good steel frame?

  12. …wow…hog’s ship is kinda listing to port these days as it’s being besieged from every direction by one controversy after another…

    …the ‘armstrong / bruyneel / ferrari / et al / usada’ affair…(we’ll see how that plays out…or not)…

    …the schleck brothers (& others) are looking to abandon ship, contracts or no, amidst lots a’ hurt feelings over ‘il giro’…

    …hog ain’t gonna make the big show for the first time in years…

    …the now settled chris horner/tour team brouhaha was a ‘played out in public’ battle…

    …few team wins this season, the fact of which was well noted in the cycling press…

    …this – http://www.velonation.com/News/ID/12235/RadioShack-Nissan-riders-complain-to-UCI-over-non-payment-of-salaries.aspx …

    …am i missing anything ???…

    …radioslack-nissan-trek went from the ‘dream team’ to a seemingly constant nightmare & ‘le tour’ is only just now about to start…

    …guess we’ll see how resilient these guys are…

  13. @Crank

    I withdraw my comment regarding power tapping and give a heart felt apology to anyone offended.

    Except for bgw. Fuck him and all he stands for.

  15. …you, sir are awesome for this site because you’re fucking hilarious…

    … “…a heart felt apology to anyone offended…except for bgw…fuck him & all he stands for…”…nice touch…

    …dunno if i feel totally excluded or totally included but, hey, thanks for thinking of me…

    …have a great day !!!…

  16. Watts/Scmatts…
    If I owned one, I’d “feel” like the racer I’m not.
    Ever get dragged out onto a ride you didn’t really think you had any business being on? That is, you’re super tired, or sick, or hungover, or haven’t ridden for a while, blah blah? Anliked then you end up riding like a superbeast? No explanation.
    Ever prepare and get psyched for a ride for a long time and then not be able to get it going? Y’know, sand-filled legs, machine-gun heart rate, always off the back? Nope. No answer for that one, either.
    You have good days, you have bad days.
    Unless you’re training for the Olympics, don’t overthink that shit.

  17. “If you ain’t first, you’re last”

    With the exception of a few hundred riders in the world, PowerTap will tell everyone else “You ain’t ever gonna be first”.

  18. The Creators gave us all a Chamois Dyno:

    Mouth closed whilst riding = aerobic

    Mouth open whilst riding = anaerobic

    PQui has no powertap

  20. The legendary ‘butt dyno’ is, shall we say, poorly calibrated. A tiny 4-cylinder motor with a huge turbo *feels* fast – because of the huge surge in power as it hits – but will get stomped every time by a large v8, which *feels* slower.

    Same with bikes – just because you think you’re riding fast, doesn’t mean someone’s mom on a beach cruiser won’t pass you.

    If you race, then a PowerTap makes sense, as a training tool. It will make you faster. Maybe not as fast as a top pro, but faster than you were before. If you don’t race, and you have a PowerTap, you’re a geek.

  21. @Mack, after much scrutiny, you are deemed winner. Send us your contact info for your sticky pack.

    Everyone else, go eat beer and drink cuppycakes. Enjoy the goddamn night.

  22. Big ups to the winner!

    @Wack, leap onto that podium, (NO MAN! BLACK Shorts only!, this ain’t no Sausage Fest!)

    @TeamFubar, take spot #2

  24. owning a powertap would automatically put me in the category of a “shit-giver.” and no one wants to be the guy who cares more, even if you’re the one with the powertap. face it, you’d rather be the stevil of your crew. more cred. way more fun.

    thus, owning a powertap would make me feel fucking broke and sober. so not cool.

  25. I’m with buck, Where’s my fucking cupcake ???

    Fuck the 1/2 nudie calendar, fuck the stickers, fuck the whatever.

    Where’s my cupcake ?

    And I expect lots of sprinkles.

  26. My butt dyno said I sucked last night.

    As did the fact that I was last in line, the whole ride.

    Irrefutable then, as both indicators pointed to the same thing….

    I’d rather spend more on say, a nice ti Form Cycles frame, than less on a frame so’s as to afford to truly know how badly I suck.

    =:)

  27. TTT, Your dues aren’t paid. Dues get paid, each and every day. You’re entitled to nothing until you show that sweet tooth of yours big fella.

  28. And Hurben is right. Fubar came in at number two and it was literally a coin toss..

    Send us your info as well, this coffee’s got me feeling generous this Friday morning.

  31. Data = information. Information = power. Man craves power more than sex. Therefore, man craves data more than sex. It’s just human nature.

  33. …“…in the beginning…”, man had only two forms of information in his brain he paid attention to…

    …“…me want food…me want sex…”…

    …once he figured he could get more sex with more food, he really started thinking for himself…

    …after that, it’s a long story…

  34. I struggled with buying an SRM for 2-3 months last spring as they were all the rage in the small cycling community where I live (The island off Canada’s far East coast). When the tossing and turning got real bad as I had the cash lined up and could pull the trigger, I opted not to get it.
    I gave using a cycling computer for a season or two as I got caught up in the numbers and would feel bad about myself. I took something I loved, cycling, and turned it into something I almost hated (immature, yes, but at least I’m being honest).
    The power system would do the same thing ten fold. I know when I am having a good bad, or a bad day. The last thing I need it a screen telling me I’m weak as that would crush my cycling confidence.

    SO far, this season has been been my best. Most kilometers logged and some days I feel awesome, other days I feel like crap, but I’m enjoying it more than I have in a long time. No power measurements, no intervals, no anything. Just going out for rides with my usual cycling buddies and chasing them around. I love it.

  35. If I had a one it would make me feel like an overpaid douchebag who wastes time analysing stats in a room by myself all the while missing the point that biking is about spinning your legs so you can drink more beer and not get fat.

  37. The last thing I need is an expensive machine telling me what I already know.

    That I am old, slow and a fat fuck.

    All I really need is to accept what I’ve become. And that comes free.

  38. And oh. By the way.

    Cupcake.

    Dinner last night was a bag of Chips Ahoy cookies and a shitload of cheap beer.

    And I’ve done that so many times in my life that my dues are paid in full until 42 years after I die.

  41. @TTT

    It’s called an opportunity to grow as a person & appreciate lifes rich diversity.

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