Shoot first, ask later.

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Spontaneity keeps us young. So does #occupybikeseat and Levitra. Friday night two options were presented; to head down to Lake Geneva for the Team SnowBike Enduro or stay in Madison for the Isthmus Beer and Cheese Fest. Both very beautiful options, and I found myself in a hell of a quandary trying to pick which one to go to. I turned to the Infobahn for the answer. One of the more spontaneous fellas I know, our very own Dirty reminded me that there is no real shortage of beer and cheese in Wisconsin and I could have my own festival any time I want. With that wisdom, combined with the heat of Baby Cakes, I scrambled to gather the essentials and be out the door stat.

Packed up the Necromancer, a case of Lebatt, couple dozen cupcakes and my super soaker. Cupcake was en route to Funtropolis.

Some people race bikes. Some people ride bikes. Some people fast bikes, and other people slow bikes. Some people shave. Some people don’t. Some people drink megaplexcarbrotein. And other people drink beer. Et cetera, et cetera. The devils at this shitshow were all the latter and Cupcake was mega-stoked.

Upon arrival I hear calls for Cupcake. Loud calls. Bird calls. Tweet tweet tweet BEEKAW!!! Ears sprung and mouth watering, I made my way to the gregarious tipi occupied by North Central Cyclery and BG from QBP. Every time I see these fools it’s going down. Bourbon, stouts, strong ales, maple syrup and cakes. We partied.

It was my first Wisconsin Fat Bike Series rodeo of the season. Officially race #2 of #6 this winter and hope to make the rest of ’em. Hey, any ride biking race-trot thing where #occupiers of bike seat let me blast them in the face with beer loaded super soaker, you best know Cupcake’ll be there.

Without further adieu, the shots of the weekend. Thanks to Baby Cakes and Greg Smith with

Nothing like some fatty foot-down to assemble the squads.

Come a little closer to me baby!
This is John. John was our team captain. John is a soft-spoken and modest Wisconsin boy. John made everyone look like a bitch today. HOT LAP! HOT LAP!

In traditional Wisconsin fatty fashion, the race commenced after naked men zip-lined over our heads.

Award winning beers brought to you by Lakefront Brewery.

Carb The Fuck Up

I was third position on our race team, which was good because it gave me time to prepare the weaponry.

When I bought this gun 10 years ago, I always knew this was how it would be used.


Pew! Pew! Pew!
Getting Bleüüü'ed

It was five hours of pure enjoyment. The venue, the people, the beer, the snacks, the sponsors. It was some great, top notch shit.

When the race ends in a tie, you leg wrestle while everyone stands around and drinks. I love this sport.

In other news, I found a new hero…

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About Cupcake

I don’t have a beer gut, I’ve developed a liquid grain storage facility.

22 Replies to “Shoot first, ask later.”

  1. @ Keith Earickson

    I speak a different dialect of jive than Gnome but what I think he is saying is:

    “If I bend over and spread my lily white bony ass, please insert this kumquat up my rectum”

  2. There is a Gnome dictionary and thesaurus, but you have to earn it. You also have to figure out how to open it. There are instructions, but they are written in Gnome jive.

  3. …fuck !!!…(non sequitur)…the worst thing about the ’49ers losing (giving it away on the fumbled punt return) today is the 2 weeks of platitudes i’m gonna hear about how “…we weren’t expected to blah, blah, blah with a rookie head coach who led us too blah, blah, blah after the last X number of seasons of blah, blah, blah…”

    …there were two ‘goats’ on two different teams today…not winning is one thing & can still be admirable…giving it away is another…& it ain’t admirable…

  4. …fuck the g-men (i got so many ‘go blue’ texts during the game – god damn) but you KNOW i can dig the rangers…

    …hockey is my one REAL team sport…baseball, yep, football, uh huh but hockey, FUCK YA !!!…

  5. sorry, but, gotta have D2’s back on this one. hell even the Islanders won this weekend. VIVA NUEVO JORK!!

  6. oh, and that leg wrestling is dangerously close to scissor fucking.
    (in this case scissor dry humping)just saying

  7. …yah there’ll be bitch piss and moan aplenty in Bawmer, hon. Ain’t a big fan of the Pats, or much else that came out of Taxachussetts, but better them (better anyone, really) than the fucking Ravens.

    As to NFC, I had zero invested in either team. Helluva good game though, I must say. BGW, mistakes may have been made, but at least it ain’t like your kicker missed a chip shot.

    Hey, as a Steelers fan the Ravens fans been insufferable all season long. Maybe there’s a God after all.

  8. …one man botched 2 kick returns which resulted in turnovers, the last being a fumble in overtime with no opportunity to recover…

    …granted, the regular return man was out after sustaining a knee injury against the saints but all our man hadda do today was field the kicks & play it safe…

    …dunno what was running through his head but he cost us big time…

  9. Looks like some classic Wisconsin fun…I miss me some of that Riverwest Stien Beer…even with all of the goodness coming from the west side of this country in which I currently reside(Deschutes/Lagunitas/Full Sail/Stone/ETC… none can compare to Lakefront & Sprecher

  10. I like the third person account, d-bag. There can be only one Cupcake, you are not it. Accept your fate and join the world of other baked goods. You are really more like a muffin anyway.