There comes the time in all of our lives when we need to make the decision: to #occupybikeseat or not. Being a reader of this site, you’d think it’s an easy question right? WRONG! There is a bitch in all of us and today I feel like slappin’ a bitch and setting things right.
This time of year, at least for the hairy beasts here in Radison, the temperature has officially dropped to short-dick degrees Fahrenheit. As a side note, Daniel Gabriel Fahrenheit was the man behind the measurement. He was part German and if you follow that link on Wednesday, January 18th, the page will be blacked out to protest SOPA. I will also protest SOPA because it’ll most likely affect this website. Cupcake likes the way things are around here and doesn’t want them to change. If you’re anything like him, less government is more better and you’ll call your senator and tell him SOPA is a shitbox and you want to light it on fire.
Anyways, back to the point. This time of year, it’s a hard for us to throw that big drunk leg over that big dumb bike. Maybe because our sticks become twigs or because our tires don’t work on ice rinks. Maybe because we shiver like roadies or because we are hung over (which is fine BTW). Well, Dr. Cupcake is here to tell you that everything will be fine. He is prescribing you a hefty dose of Betty Crocker the Fuck Up and to ride that bike of yours even if it’s six less than zero.
I’ve been riding this fat bitch to work every day for three reasons:
1. You can #occupybeer while you #occupybikeseat and not get hosed.
2. The willies at work think it’s rad.
3. My beard turns into an ice sculpture.
No matter the weather no matter the route, #occupybikeseat or get left out.by