fuck, really?

Let’s dance to Pauls tune, a bunch of SF tap dancing bullshit. Listen here bran muffin, your letter to us all was some sorry donkey fucking bullshit that makes the USA look fucking weak. So my idea is this- quit being a butter sandwich and let it all flow. Protecting the blades of grass? you are so fucking weak. Actually protecting anything is fucking stupid. I’ll shit can my plane ticket to SF so I can rollerblade on the sidewalks of Seattle instead. God damn your rotten soul, I’ll shove every bran muffin up your arm sleeve due to your lame ass rules in SF. Fuck you paul. Fuck you. Lick my fucking fingers and shove hammer product up your ass till my shit is broken. trust me, i’ll come back for more you fucking one piece suit bran muffin.  SF is fucking way too fluffy. really fluffy. Take every piece of nature and burn it with good intent. This race promoter is mom and dad humping gypsy and a son and daughter joker. lick my douglas fur balls. Fuck you paulE wall to the wholesome granola crunch.

*Update: This Caveman’s rant in response to the letter sent out  today by the organizers of Singlespeed Cyclocross World Championships:

Hello and Welcome to SSCXWC!

The staff of SSCXWC is excited about this coming weekend. We have done a lot of hard work behind the scenes to make this a fun event for everyone, including securing the rights to hold this event in the jewel of parks in San Francisco, Golden Gate Park.

In NorCal, we fight for every inch of public land to hold cycling events. Grass here is worth more than gold and if you damage a single blade you will find yourself on the outside. Getting GG Park was a major coup on our part and something we are proud to share with our guests. Obtaining permits for cycling related events through the City Parks department is anything but easy and we pay dearly in fees. Thanks to some folks with influence who went out on a limb to vouch for us, we were able to get our permit. But just like Delta House in the movie Animal House, we are on double secret probation.

There are two cyclocross events in GGP in the next two weekends. Both events are going to be well attended by the cycling community and friends/family. We have an opportunity to show the Parks department through these events that our group has as much right as any to use and access public lands. Our part as promoters, racers and spectators is to show them that we are going to do this in a responsible way. To that end, my goal as Race Director of SSCXWC, is to run a memorable event where people have fun and no one gets hurt.

I ask that all attendees, racers and spectators, keep the hard work the staff has done in mind this weekend. We want you to have a crazy good time and enjoy our wonderful City and the fun events we have got lined up. We don’t want anyone getting hurt or feel we need to get the “man” involved if someone goes too far Sunday. We ask spectators to respect the racers safety during the events, racing is dangerous enough without someone physically interacting with racers.

This is our moment to shine and prove to any and all detractors that our community has just as much right to be in the City parks as any other group.

Thanks and see you this weekend.

Paule Bates
Race Director, SSCXWC

A singlespeed event where you are supposed to behave? Who let the UCI in here?

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About caveman

I am... Caveman. Spokane, Washington, USA

84 thoughts on “fuck, really?

  1. triple F, your mom and my mom are way too old to be getting taxed son. Let them get moist off bingo by themselves.

  2. Caveman says “mother may I?” I loves me some caveman when he gets up in a rant. Sometimes he is right. Sometimes he is wrong. Sometimes we all fucking laugh, (not at him, with him). When was the last time you actually went to Bingo and played Bingo and sang Bingo? Hey Cave, I miss seeing you rant.

  3. I’m flattered that you want to stick things in my anal cavity. But your probably a gay ass road bike rider/fixie dipshit and I would eat you for breakfast.

  4. Paule, your letter sucked balls. Take that shit to the Northwest and we’ll make good with that event. No fucking rules, just roman empire type karate. Seriously, we aren’t flying down for a tea party.

  5. I had always hoped the porn would come back but Caveman’s mom getting wet at the bingo is not what I’m looking for.

  6. 1. you spelled his name wrong. it’s Paule, with an “e.” and he’s a crotchety old mother fucker who will not only eat you for breakfast, he’ll regurgitate you so that his kids will entertain the idea of digesting your innards through a straw.

    2. you obviously know nothing about the bay area cycling scene and how much we’ll kick your ass regardless of the shit we have to put up with to ride and race around here. sure, you’ll “make good with that event” when you have a fucking bike riding silverspoon gently resting in your piehole. that’s ok though, watch us fuck your shit up regardless. and thanks for adding to our tourist economy while you’re at it.

  7. I’d be more supportive of cavey’s rant if it a) wasn’t filled with homophobic tripe and b) wasn’t over someone asking that people keep their douchbaggery down to a manageable level. As it is he just looks like an asshole who doesn’t care whether he ruins the prospect of future cyclocross in GGP.

  8. Are you kidding me El jefe, we are drunk cyclist. we talk mad shit and you want to be PC. fuck you .

  9. ain’t nothin’ wholesome about Paule. Punk rock talk in a blog is cheaper than the single-ply toilet paper that can’t handle my dingleberries.

  10. Hmm. Interesting, you took the link to your professional site off your later posts. Worried this rant will get back to potential customers? I’m not being PC. You don’t use things that people have no choice in as an insult. Beyond that be as crass as you want. And if you want to brag about how much “mad shit” you’re talking at least make it funny. You couldn’t even keep up with proper SF drunks.

  11. Caveman just needs to calm down. The guy is the race director for a huge race. If you want to have your own event where you can act as childish and stupid as you want, why don’t you just do it yourself. There isn’t a single person asking you to come to their race. Maybe if you had anything to do with putting on the race for yourself then you could have a bit of input!

  12. I think we are getting side tracked with what is offensive here. Single Speed Cyclro Cross???

    For real dude!!! Ride a mtb and call it a day

  13. I have to admit that the “single blade of grass” comment sounds like it was written by a douchebag. Guess I’m lucky to not live in SF if a single blade of grass is that valuable.

  14. @26 SF is my favorite city I could never live in. Paule probably had to sign over his first and second born to put on the race. Hence his call for people to only be 80% douchebags. That said, they’ve had cx in GGP for at least a couple of years and are generally supportive of it. Make no mistake, SF is a two fisted drinking town, and you cannot keep up. I’ve tried. You will drink and eat yourself stupid long before you defeat that town. Anyone who thinks its a bunch of granola vegetarians and peace and love hippies, doesn’t know SF. But go ahead and keep telling yourself that, I’ll take the seedy side of SF.

  15. I’m reading this & my first reaction is WTF?

    But Yes! we have a winner here folks! @caveman, step right up here & receive the coveted “FuckWit of the Year” award.

    Damn, your parents, (assuming that you know them), would be proud.

  16. If anyone is reading the “blade of grass” reference and taking it literally, you are a moron. If a point of reference to the amount of work this org has done needs to be spelled out any further I’m sure they don’t need your support.
    And I still think SS-CX is retarded, but get a real point.

  17. I am heading over to the bay area for fucking turkey weekend (wife’s sister) and I was slightly afraid to bring my sir9 SS. Now I will be bunny hoping fucking tape barriers and knocking every compassion sock whiner the fuck over. WooHoo who has a prescription??

  18. Just for the record, I ain’t on board with this.

    Blades of grass? Fine. A pretty stupid thing to say.

    But I’m not about calling people faggots. That’s not what DC’s about, at least not for me. Sorry if that makes me unpopular with other DC’ers, but that shit’s gotta be said.

  19. The blade of grass reference is sarcasm. I am from the Midwest where such shit would be considered really stupid. Have fun and ride your bike unless your that caveman guy then yank your pud while you ride your fixie. A compassion sock is something that caveman puts over his head so he can get it up long enough to wack one off in a dirty gas station shitter while he gets his overbite on. Poor fucker just needs a hug. Maybe a hug from an SF bear would help him find his true calling and peace.

  20. I’ve been reading DC for years and completely love the site. And although lots of things that go on in SF make no sense whatsoever, your ridiculous rant was completely uncalled for. Hate the guy organizing the race fine (he probably sucks) but all the homophobic banter and continuous swearing makes you look like a complete biggot. Thank you D2 for commenting, I was hoping one of my DC faithful would say this was uncalled for.

  21. I have a short attention span.

    Please explain it to me like I was a five year old.

    Are they banning or encouraging sword fighting at the race?

  22. @Hurben

    Come on man. What do you expect from a guy whose moniker is caveman ?

    Culture ? Sophistication ?

    In a word. Fuck no !

    We expect drunken rants of epic proportions. And this post qualifies.

    Now we just need to know what caveman thinks of turtles. Or even turtles playing bingo. Or, perhaps, turtles doing his Mom. Or Hell, even his Dad.

  23. wow. entirely entertaining and i don’t understand half of it – maybe a SF thing?

    but please caveman, take 3 deep breaths. if this is on your top 10 of problems, good on you mate cause you’re WINNING!

  24. My God yes, people. If you want to trash stuff and behave badly you can always join Occupy Wall Street.

  25. Occupy Blades of Grass.

    Regarding D2′s comment above, I had to go back and re-read the post because either didn’t see any homophobic ranting, or I’m so immune to name calling and like language that it simply didn’t register. Did it get edited out? I don’t see it now. Either way, it’s better off not being there.

    I’m always a day late and a dollar short around here.

    Look, I’m glad you guys are putting on a top-level race. But, still, build it and they will come. Cross racing is spectator friendly and dudes go off on the regular (i.e., peeps get drunk and act like dicks). There is about a snow ball’s chance in hell that drunken antics aren’t going to occur. Mitigate the liability on the front end. Don’t ask a bunch of fucking drunken idiot retards to respect the tip jar and tread lightly. They are going to walk in like they own the place, piss all over everything, and drop dollars on your town. That’s how sporting events work. It’s actually all pretty ugly when you think about it. Good luck and all that. The grass is fucking doomed. It’s already dead. Dead grass standing.

  26. Holy shit this is good stuff. I don’t give a fart about GGP, SSCXWC or much else that was discussd here but damn, this was a fun read. Good work, all. +1 for that last vid Big J.

  27. Drunken rants suck the next day huh Cavey? Good old fire-water, what would idiots do w/o it? Shit got you some ego kicks now though huh? How proud are you on a 1 to 10 scale today?

  28. Wait, they have cycolocross in the Bay Area? There’s no mud, right? Everyone’s crabon tubular crabon gay matching kit stays all shiny n’shit? Maybe they need Cavey to keep it interesting. Ride on, brothers.

  29. AA@ I am at a 10 today. Feeling just dandy- all my friends text me this morning loving my drunk rant.

  30. …el jefe @ #28…

    …that’s a good honest bottom line whether these ‘drinkier than thou’ douche-wheel blog-riders wanna believe it or not…

    …san fran-fucking-cisco has had more fucking heart n’ soul for one fuck of a lot longer than all the portland/seattle/blah, blah, blah fucking places you idiots you wanna defend…portland & seattle weren’t even listed on maps 40 years ago, so pardon the fuck out of us as we look in the rear view mirror as you try & catch up…

    …good cx scene in the north west ???…yep, no fucking doubt…maybe great even…

    …but, we ARE norcal, motherfuckers, whether ANYBODY likes it or not…

    …& in defense of paule (will the real paule please stand up), sf is, was & will always be one of THE tourist destinations in this country, besides being a totally ‘down home’ place to reside & so this guy is dealing with a hyper critical sf establishment these days in trying to put on an event in a city where the locals are tired of 80,000 “bay to breakers’ costumed drunkards & freaks literally pissing on their lawns & in front of their children, outer lands festivals & whatever else brings booze, drugs & idiots, sorry, i mean youth, together & to get permission to hold cyclo-cross in one of THE preeminent parks in one of THE preeminent cities in this country is a shitload fucking tougher than you could ever fucking imagine…

    …give the man his due – major fucking props to paule (& no, i don’t know the guy)…despite the fact that, yes, there have been cross races throughout the years in ggp, getting it to happen again & again is a bigger chore than you illiterates could ever consider…

    …so after you come race in the city & you trample & throw up on that ‘holy blade of grass’, spritz it down with your fucking waterbottle…the ‘oh, so green’ locals will appreciate it & invite you back for more…

    …ummm, did i just rant a little bit ???…

  31. NOR PHX… You mean Flagstaff? I keed. I keed…

    True NorCal’ers don’t brag. Don’t need to. Fuckers are probably transplants that need to hide the fact that they’re from SoCal. You know how you can tell NorCal from SoCal (or TX, jeez talk about blowhard braggarts) SoCal and TX are so insecure about their place in the world, that they have to incessantly tell you that they are from the best place in the world. True NorCal just knows.

  32. Remember when we was kids, taking a blade of grass and putting it tween our thumbs to make the whistling sound ??

    So I guess kids in SF can’t do that ??

    Damn shame.

  33. @64 +10

    A calming & peaceful picture reminding us about what is important.

    In fact, “Occupy Terrapin Station!”

    I note in one of the Marin local rags that Phil Leach wanted to open a music venue called “Terrapin Station” until some of the locals did the NIMBY dance.

  34. @TripleF,

    Good on you mate, how are you doing?

    “What do I expect?”

    I expect that anyone who posts things here to stand by their original post & not go back & alter it once they realise that they have fucked up & pissed people off.

    But that’s just me, isn’t it Caveman? you fucking troll.

  35. …caveman…your mom is calling from san fransisco…she says “tell cavey to pull his head out & he’ll know what i’m talking about…”…so, there ya go, son…

    …hurben…mr lesh’s project, whilst encountering roadblocks, is far from ‘dead’…phil & his wife have been carefully garnering plenty of support within the right circles by intelligently presenting their concept as being a non-invasive boon both economically & culturally in a county that strives for one & celebrates the other…

    …the timbre of san francisco’s musical heritage has & will always resonate soundly throughout the bay area as a prized cultural art form that we steep ourselves in…despite the naysayers & fuddy duddies (& there are always naysayers & fuddy duddies, ya ???), we live for our music…

    …from enrico caruso’s performance of bizet’s ‘carmen’ hours before the great ’06 earthquake, through the big band swing era, the cool bebop jazz ensembles & the rock bands of the psychedelic ’60′s & ’70′s & beyond are all considered as culturally legitimate as any of the fine performances at louise b. davies symphony hall…

    …throw in tony bennett singing ‘i left my heart in san francisco’ on a pleasant evening at ‘giants’ ballpark, thinking back to times when garcia, weir, lesh & company had sung the national anthem before a game & even the hardest of the hardcore knows that, ya, just maybe ol’ phil ought to get to build ‘terrapin station’

    …it’ll happen at some point…just gotta “turn the beat around…”

  36. I got drunk and rambled nothing but nonsense. I don’t even know Paule but by his letter he put out, it was just lame in my eyes. I am sure he’s a nice fella, just like the rest of all you wankers. I like riding bikes and talk shit. And if this post really would do damage to the SF SS cross scene then I’d have to say it’s a pretty fucking beat program.

    Bikesgonewild, man you put it out there- good on ya. Twice! fuck yeah!

    Stay tune for next week.

  37. …no harm, no foul, caveman…definitely no harm, no foul…

    …i only spoke up ‘cuz i’ve lived here for the last 44 of my 62 years…i love it enough, i’m thinking of staying…

    …but i do know that putting on a cx event in ‘the park’ means any promoter has his feet tied with bureaucratic red tape while jumping through plenty a’ hoops…

  38. If Occupy Wall Street sponsered the event, y’all could get away with murder.

    Literally.

  39. …btw, caveman…in honor of sscxwc, the sf weather gods are promising a 70% chance of MORE rain tonight with likely morning showers but, hey, by the time the women & men’s main races happen, it should just be cloudy skies & nicely mucky (ie: ideal cx) course conditions…

    …if you’re in the bay area for the race, shoot me your cell # (maybe ask gianni or gnomer to e-mail it to me tonite) & i’ll bring you a brew…

    …i’ll be running on about 3 hours sleep after work tonite but i’m thinkin’ i might wanna show…

    …see ya…

  40. Bikesgonewild, I am stuck in a snowstorm and gonna stay in Spokane. We’ll have folks racing in the snow tomorrow in CDA- should be good local action. I hope it goes rowdy well down there tomorrow. Thanks for the offer on the brew, damn that would be killer. We’ll have to connect another time…

    Let it fucking rain!

  41. Right. Because everyone has a right to shit in the street. It’s right up there in the Constitution.

  42. If I had a choice tween people shitting in the streets during a protest or cops keeping an injured(ruptured spleen) man in a cell for 18 hours, I’ll take the shit thank you very much.

    Constitution or not.

  43. …caveman…hope you’re out enjoying snowcross (???) in the ‘spoke…

    …offer stands…

    …got in from work at 5:30am-ish, lotta rain, tired, fuck leaving a warm bed, kick on a tv f-ball game & a bit a’ tony stewart hopefully beating edwards & hey, i’m good right here…

    …i WILL be at the super prestige cx race at the same locale in ggp next sunday…i can justify missing one a’ the two weekends but lack of sleep or not, i gotta show for one of ‘em…

    …work…it seems to interfere with my enjoying the cooler aspects of life, dammit…

  44. BGW, fuck.

    Snowcross was good- good course, good people. The Vertical Earth folks put on a good event.

    Next time I am in your zone, i’ll be taking ya up on a pint. You can always get hold of me thru my website.

    My dog was so pumped on snowcross today, she ate thru her leash. That was awesome.

  45. The “winners” didn’t even take their tattoos! I thought the number one rule was, don’t want the tattoo? Don’t fucking win!