A Fat Face and a Windshield

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Yeah, so what the fuck, right?

I know. Haven’t posted in like, a month. I didn’t want to interrupt the killer Tour coverage going on here at DC, and since I gave no fuck at all about this year’s tour, felt right to keep my nose out of it. To fill my time, I’ve been pipe-dreaming about doing a motorcycle tour through Europe.

That’s a long-ass pipe I’ve been dreaming from.

If you have done it, or anything like it, I’d appreciate tips as to how to start planning. You know, the usual stuff: where to rent a motorcycle, what sites to see, what booze to drink, what wacked out drug cigarettes I should smoke. I’ll tote my fat ass across a continent by my lonesome, if you’ll all be kind enough to help me figure it all out.

Yeah, it's gonna be that kind of trip.
Yeah, it's gonna be that kind of trip.

The other reason I’ve been off the site for the most part is because I’ve been off the bike for the most part. The mountain bike is destroying my back lately, so I’ve been on the road bike. Had a hell of a ride the other day: was about two seconds into the ride when I found myself pressed against the backside of a Honda Element.

That’s right: my dumb ass rode straight into the back of a car. The funny thing is, I was distracted by a cardboard cutout of the three stooges. I’ve seen this particular cutout about a billion times, as it sits in a storefront just down the street from my house. I couldn’t tell you why it captivated me this time, but I actually turned my head to look at it as I passed. Next thing I know, I’m face first into a rear windshield.

Picture 2

Riding the road bike is hell when the trails are tacky, and they’ve been tacky as hell lately. Fuck me, right?

Anyway, so I’m really pissy because I’m off the mountain bike, I’ve been stuck at square fucking one on my latest book for almost a year, and my wife and I are moving from the desert here in Arizona to Colorado Springs in another month, which means I don’t get trails out my back door anymore or the ease and convenience of calling up a friend for a last minute trip to the trails. Boo hoo, I know. Moving from one beautiful place to another. I should harden the fuck up. That there is the problem, though: seem to have lost my hardness lately. Everything seems to suck, except for the ride. Figures: I spent two years hating the ride because I was burnt out from wrenching in shops. Now I love that shit again and I’m uprooting.

Probably good for my cranky ass anyway. Maybe I can hit the springs and be Bobby Bigwheels at the local shop. Show ’em all how we Flagstaffarians roll on the knobbies. Probably not. Shit. It’s all just another ending, another beginning. You hit the trail head, climb your ass off, and before you know it, the descent has begun and ended all in one fell swoop. Back at the trail head. Square one.

So I’ll keep on pipe-dreaming. Maybe I’ll find it all laid out for me in the Springs among the crazy Christians and the pointy Pikes Peak. Maybe it’ll be there on a platter for me. Stranger things have happened, right? Couldn’t be any worse than my face squished against the rear windshield of a Honda Element…

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About D2

I am a writer and a photographer. I never killed a man in Reno, but I once rode a bike through a casino in Vegas. Bikes are cool, huevos rancheros are for breakfast, whiskey is for dinner. Denver, Colorado, USA

34 Replies to “A Fat Face and a Windshield”

  1. After having done a 10 year term in Colorado Springs I can tell you, depending on where you live, you can have riding right out your door. Palmer Park, Ute Valley, Red Rocks, and Cheyenne Canyon are all either in the city or adjacent to the city. Watch being on a road bike though. It’s kinda like Mad Max out there.

    It’s too bad all those crazy fucks wrecked such a beautiful place…

  2. Skip straight to Golden. OK road, great mountain (out the door type) and great access to the mountains. And a better town all the way around.

  3. I agree w/ YoRo…try and get to Golden first. I’ve been in Golden for 8 yrs and love it…great town and good trails out the door.

  4. D2 – you really DO need to HTFU. try living in goddamn ohio. it’s taking every ounce of my will to just NOT get in my car and drive the fuck away from this POS house, the dogs and even my fucking husband. life sucks in a bad way for me too right about now. your boo-hoo’ing about moving to CO makes me wanna puke.

    good luck on your move tho.

  5. I would love to just move to Golden, but my wife got a job in the Springs. too long of a commute from Golden.

    Judi: Ohio should be easy to leave. Dominic should fit somewhere in the car. Just take him with you.

  6. D2, on your euro trip, why not cycle tour? If you make it to Milan, the first pint’s on me.

  7. Ohio, strap some milk jugs to your ass and jump in the river and float out of there as fast as possible. There is no excuse for staying there.

  8. yoro – an aging mom with no other siblings in town is reason enough to stay until i blow my fucking brains out. or get hit by a car.

  9. The river is a non viable escape. If you jump in there, your skin melts off like robocop. Better just take the bus.

  10. ooohhhh, thats a shitter. Bikalogalong.

    dudes a FATTY. On two wheels, natch!

    Call me Larry.

  11. @mikey – and it did. thanks.
    @gnome – they had the downtown triathlon last weekend and the stupid fucks swam in that river. i am shocked the bacteria levels weren’t high.

  12. Judi…life saddles you with shit sometimes…just keep that dream alive. That’s what keeps me going every day…trying to find the way out.

  13. Sorry Judi, I was just joking around. Truth be told, I’m 90% a mess…I just keep trying with the other 10%.

    Hopefully things turn up for you.

  14. hey man, come visit leadville – we’ve got some smooth trails and great road rides.

  15. I hate to burst your bubble but Colorado Springs has tons of trails and you can ride year round. All riding is on the west side of town so I would look there for a place to live. depending on where you live, you can have riding right out your door. Palmer Park, Ute Valley, Red Rocks, Cheyenne Mountain State Park, Pikes Peak (Ring The Peak)and Cheyenne Canyon are all either in the city or to west the city.

  16. John, thanks for the heads up. Sounds pretty good to me.

    Cameron: of course! You got it. We can coordinate our own Rose Bike alumni ride.

  17. A Freedom Wand ??

    Just when you think the internet can’t get any worse, it does.

  18. Ride captain jack. Shit is so fun and has great views. Take the lady out to Blue Star. Great Tapas and equally good drinks. Avoid the religious nuts and life there can be great. I know some very cool people there that can show you the riding. Hit Dirty up for my contact info.

  19. The freedom wand! Of course. Yeah, I’m with the pro-CO Springs folks. My bro in law has lived there for years and loves it. Rides right out his door. You can make it work man. They even have a REI!

  20. Nobody said CO Sprgs was the shitter of the world, just of CO and it is probably still better than a lot of places. It won’t be hard to have fun but it can be a nasty place as well.

  21. Eh. I love dogs. Had many in my life.

    I saw that back before the internet was even a word.

    Cap’n. Ya gotta do better than that.

    Now if you had a turtle doing the same………………….