The Lion King has spoken


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What’s he looking at? Who cares. Something mere mortals cannot see. What’s he talking about? Frites boy Cav. Who else?

“Cavendish is great talent, a real champion. He’s the best sprinter of his epoch, but I think he still needs to learn to manage himself,” Cipollini commented in Dinan on Thursday. “At the moment, with the team he’s got, the sprints in this Tour shouldn’t even be a contest, but I don’t think his form is even 70 per cent of what it should be.”

“Learn to manage himself” is code for “stop eating all the fucking pies.”

“At 100 per cent fitness, he has no rivals,” the Italian said. “He has a change of pace that no one can match. This year he hasn’t had any big injuries or crashes, which means that, if he’s only at 70 per cent, he hasn’t been training enough. That’s my opinion. He was like a little barrel when he arrived at the Giro in May and yet it only took him a week to find a level of fitness which allowed him to play with his rivals. This tells you that if he shows up to a race in form, there’s no stopping him. He has the gift of a great talent but also the curse of not being able to express it fully all of the time.

“Having said all of this,” Cipollini added finally, “there’s trouble ahead for his rivals from now on in this Tour.” Id.

If dude wins like that showing up with a box of donuts under his arm and half the miles in his legs that he should, imagine what the road would look if he took it seriously? Covered with corpses comes to mind. Awash in blood. It’d be like Conan the Barbarian. But with less of that “Thank you Califoorrnniaahh” and I-have-kids-with-my-housekeeper vibe.

It’s midnight, I’m hungry, I leave you with this.


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About big jonny

The man, the legend. The guy who started it all back in the Year of Our Lord Beer, 2000, with a couple of pages worth of idiotic ranting hardcoded on some random porn site that would host anything you uploaded, a book called HTML for Dummies (which was completely appropriate), a bad attitude (which hasn’t much changed), and a Dell desktop running Win95 with 64 mgs of ram and a six gig hard drive. Those were the days. Then he went to law school. Go figure. Flagstaff, Arizona, USA

6 thoughts on “The Lion King has spoken

  1. “learn to manage himself”

    I think that’s code for don’t be a douche.

    Cipo is still cool as all get out. Got to love that guy. He wears it well.

  2. The same Cipo who got in the team car as soon as he saw a mountain in the distance? Still a cool mofo, and a beast in his day (’99, esp) but he’s only ever seen the Champs-Elysées as a tourist.

    Thing is, Cipo still knows what the press want from him, and he’s happy to deliver. Cav could lay off the pies and stop acting permanently aggrieved, and the press would want him to be a douche again.

  3. That is code for I am jealous and a total douche. Cipo needs to get that T shirt ” the older I get the faster Dr. Ferrari made me.” Cav is fast, phat, and clean so fuck off Cipo. Put that in your Louis Vitton douche pipe and smoke it.

  4. Disagree Humpty.

    Cipo was always style, panache & ‘balls to the wall’ personified.

    Cav just reminds me of a Lager Lout.

    Plus Cipo obviously likes turtles.