Gears make you weak

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The latest report from Response, our Far East Correspondent:

Gear are for queers,
I guess I’m gay cause this single speed shit is hard to get used to again.

My local bike shop has no sense of humor. They hate their customers and they are fucks besides. So, I am standing there waiting for them to open at 11:00. At 11:05 boss man rolls up on a clapped out old white10 speed wearing weasel pants. He and his employee procede to outright ignore me for a half hour as they did their morning rituals of opening doors and rolling out displays and kids bikes. I can respect that they are running a business so I say nothing and wait patiently. Finally, after 45 minutes of being ignored (they were finished primping the displays), I push my way into the store and demand service. All I want is a wheel swap and my chain shortened. From his reaction you’d think I asked him to fuck his sister. He thought about it and frowned and then charged me $15 US (the same price as fucking his sister).

HK bike riding blows. Its a real shame because if there were bike lanes this place is small enough that you could ride anywhere in an easy 20 minutes . Of course of there were bike lanes, there would be two story tall buses and taxis blocking them all. Here they recently decided to extend some roads near the scenic beaches. When the proposal to add bike lanes to these new roads was suggested, the proposal was robustly shot down. Some bike hatin’ is going on!

Most people here walk everywhere, but they’re not good at walking! Narrow sidewalks full beyond bursting with gawking tourists, 1000 year old locals cruising at .02 mph, and everyone else talking on 2 phones at the same time while window shopping and meandering erratically, making walking anything but pleasurable or efficient.

I guess I just need to have a tall cup of “harden the fuck up” and try to ride my single speed without balls on my chin.

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About big jonny

The man, the legend. The guy who started it all back in the Year of Our Lord Beer, 2000, with a couple of pages worth of idiotic ranting hardcoded on some random porn site that would host anything you uploaded, a book called HTML for Dummies (which was completely appropriate), a bad attitude (which hasn’t much changed), and a Dell desktop running Win95 with 64 mgs of ram and a six gig hard drive. Those were the days. Then he went to law school. Go figure. Flagstaff, Arizona, USA

23 thoughts on “Gears make you weak

  1. Who the hell rides a bike and can’t change his own wheel and shorten a damn chain except for Lance???????????????

  2. Joe— “homophobic” is a made-up word. It is a second-rate rhetorical ploy by gay activists. Don’t fall for that crap. People who “hate” homosexuals are not afraid of them. My own opposition to the so-called “gay agenda” has nothing at all to do with sex. I can elaborate if anyone cares (which I doubt, and is as it should be.)

  3. the “gay agenda”

    Ha ha, they are coming for you and your children Mikey, lock your doors…….. also, tell your male “assistant” to go home.

  4. Mikey, you can spin it any way you want. That crap has no more place here than any other slur. I ain’t puttin’ up with it, nor should any of us. End of story.

  5. @bob— tens of millions of dollars were spent on Prop 8 in California… I’d call that an agenda, wouldn’t you?

    @joe— you may believe what you like, of course, and we probably have little disagreement. I’m just calling you out for blindly propagating second-rate rhetoric. Why not argue well for what you believe?

    I notice that neither of you cares what I think about the gay agenda, or why it has nothing whatsoever to do with sexuality, homo or otherwise. You’re being led by the tusk, lads.

  6. Oh, and saying that heterosexual men must not make puerile jests about each others’ manliness is EXACTLY the same as saying that only African-Americans can use the “n word.” The former is explicitly sexist, the latter explicitly racist. Pay attention, people! This is not new, nor is it news.

  7. mikey, you can “call me out” for not talkin’ all purty-like all you want. I really don’t give a rat’s ass about your opinion. I’m calling out the poster for spreading hate. You can get all pedantic on my ass or you can be a man and stand with me.

  8. And another fucking thing-What you call “agenda”, I call God bless America. Citizens exercised their First Amendment rights. I might not agree with all of it, but I support the Constitution. And judgin’ ain’t my job anyway.

  9. …is this ‘conversation’ really happening ???…

    …hate of any kind is an emotion that speaks only about the disturbed jaded views of those doing the hating & nothing of honest value regarding those they would try & victimize…

    …in this case, i don’t see that ‘the poster’ is “…spreading hate” whatsoever…he’s using vernacular that most normal folks, gay or otherwise, would find fairly innocuous…“gears are for queers” = kinda dumb rhyming & poor taste perhaps ???…i’ll grant you that but certainly not ‘hateful’ because the poster then goes on to make the acceptance that “i guess i’m gay…”…more or less silliness at best or simple stupidity at worst…

    …from my p.o.v., it’s almost as if by using that kind of terminology without hate, the ‘evil’ intent is lessened or dissipated when a real hatemonger comes along & their actual stupidity is that much more recognizable…who knows, maybe i’m being ‘clue nada’

    …what i’d “hate” is for you all to miss the live streaming video of the cx nats on – the broadcast for the mens’s race starts @ 2:20pm pacific time…

    …new record setting 7 time winner katie compton kicked ass in the womens race with the same podium as last year…gould 2nd & miller 3rd…

  10. @joe— I will take you accusation of pedantry as a compliment. I am a trained professional rhetorician and I believe it’s important to think and express one’s views clearly and correctly.

    I am staunchly opposed to the creeping relativism of our times. I was trained in the physical sciences, and there are things we can Know [sic] on an a priori basis (such as the energy of ionization of an hydrogen atom) and almost nothing we can Know about any aspect of the human condition.

    So don’t fall for it. The vast majority of gay “haters” (the religionists and their ilk) are simply dead wrong, and there are major, glaring flaws with the gay agenda. It’s really not very complicated. I’m happy to discuss specifics, but since (as you’ve stated) you don’t care for clear or accurate discussion, or the considered opinions of those whole opinions vary only slightly from your own… well, smoke ’em if you got ’em, and keep the rubber side down, brother.

  11. …we need a group hug but not, you know, in a gay sorta way or anything…(not that there’s anything wrong with that, ya ???)…

    …great downhill video, fff…over 5 minutes of insanity in scotland…huevos grande required…& at NO point did i wonder if it was rideable on a cx bike…

  12. I love it when everone gets real sensitive…. The real issue is bike shops are too arrogant. I’ve worked in em.. I know how it gets. Not everyone CAN swap out a wheel.. Thats why you have a job fuck face. The lack of professionalism in the industry is amazing.. Shop monkeys need to lose the douchebag hipster attitude and swap out wheels, and anything else you think a customer should know how to do but cant. My advice to mechanics is that after you get done shaving your legs, glue the hair to your balls. Time for my second coffee….

  13. Greg. Nicely spoked.

    “Bike Mechanic”. Perhaps the second most egregiously abused of the unprotected professional titles.
    (First place will always go to ‘artist’)

    This post made me thankful (again) for the several awesome local guys I can go see when something is outside my capabilities, comfort zone or is simply too time consuming for my sched.

  14. Kark, there are some wrenches out there , and good shops. The only thing we can do is support them and let the rest take care of themselves…so to speak.

    PS A twelve pack of the good stuff is always welcome this time of year, so dont forget them.

  15. One problem: The only shop with the only wrench I trust my life to, the guy ain’t legal drinkin’ age. But if he was, fuck a twelve pack. The boy’s worth a bottle of eight year old Scotch.