Friday blues. And a nagging cough.

My dog died Monday. I’ve had a shitty fucking week. Mornings hit me like a ton of bricks, I am missing her so much, especially on our walks. A Sinead O’Connor song on the radio made me burst out in tears this morning. Fucking SUCKS, losing a dog. Emotional heartache turns me into the biggest bitch, cuz I can’t get fucked up, I lash out.

dom dave neurie

This is what Dominic does while I race.

I can’t stop coughing from last Sunday’s CX race. I threw up after the race, coughing so hard. I came in 4th, missing the fucking podium, by one place, for the THIRD time this season. My inhaler doesn’t work for shit either. I sound like a crackhead after every race and can’t hold a conversation in between coughing fits. It’s awful, and somewhat embarrassing. My PCP wants me to have some kind of breathing function test. This weekend’s Gun Club CX is sure to have that same effect on me. Oh well. You only live once, fuck it.

Die Young. Stay Pretty.
Live Fast. Cuz It Won’t Last.

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About Judi

Bicycles are my salvation. They are my way of life. If you don't like it, then you can go straight to hell. Cincinnati, Ohio, USA

21 thoughts on “Friday blues. And a nagging cough.

  1. I’m so sorry for your loss. Pets are people too and an important part of the family. I hope it starts to hurt less soon, and maybe someday you can find another dog who needs a good home.

  2. Damn, Judi, sorry to hear of your loss. I’m glad you were there for her and I’m sure that was comfort to her over the years as well. I’ve got an old, arthritic German Shepherd here in my office and your story reminds me of the reality I’m facing soon too. Sucks, like I said, sorry to hear it.

  3. I’m happy that Lucy had a good life with you over the years. I cannot imagine the sorrow you must feel. A loss such as this is very sad.
    The lung problem you are having is something that can be eventually healed, but you should not aggravate it. Your doctor may tell you to stop racing cyclocross… because they are required to tell people to limit or stop activity, but I would guess… I’d only guess that it is not the racing alone that causes this. We forget that the lungs are a cleansing organ as well as the oxygen pumps. Doctors rarely ask a person what they eat or how they live + are way too ready with drugs.
    There may be something in your diet that should be taken away or added. There may be a natural solution in an herbal remedy. My first thought is slippery elm bark. I had a heart condition for years from over-training and doctors did nothing for this. Only through educating myself and making changes in my routine did this condition go away.
    A PCP will de-empower you and give you prescriptions.
    Go to a ND and/or a nutrition counselor and get real solutions.

  4. Terribly sorry to hear of your loss… Prince wrote that song but I think Ms. O’Connor’s version is prettier.

  5. Girl, I’m super sad about it. You had just talked about her a few days prior maybe on FB or your blog. But good points need to be remembered. She’s in peace now, you gave her huge love, and she returned it to you.

    I had my baby girl Snapper for 15 years and that last day of her life was hell. I know where you’re at. But man, she did me so much good. Just like Lucy did for you.

    Keep it love.

  6. if there are no dogs in heaven, then when i die i want to go where they went..

    hang in there…

  7. I’m practically bawlin’ like a baby. Judi, I am so sad for your loss. Been there and I know what it’s like. Well for me, anyway. And if Heaven doesn’t have a place for such as Lucy, it probably ain’t worth the trip. My heart goes out to you, kid. Seriously and for real.

  8. Oh, Judi I’m so sorry to hear about Lucy. She was obviously very special to you and she brought a lot of love and joy to your life. Savor those memories and the pain will subside with time. Cry, be angry, be sad, be frustrated, whatever…let your emotions go where they need to go.

  9. oh sistah i’m just heart broken about you doggy. I have lost a dog or two in my day. Nothing can ease that pain.
    Stay true. You have a support network. Friends, a hole bunch of DC crew, DC readers, family. Use that support network. Stay True.
    Jimmy

  10. Sorry to hear about your pup Judi! Stay strong! Think about the good times you shared and those thoughts will make you smile!

  11. sorry about your dog, I still miss my beagle even though its been 3 years, unconditional love,

    On another note, get that breathing test, its probably a pulmonary function test, its sort of like a VO2 Max test that cyclist get, they will be able to provide more specific med and maybe even exercises that will help get you that podium your so close to.

  12. Pups are the best. I’m sure that there’s a good reason that they don’t live as long as the lessons they teach us but I haven’t figured it out yet. Try just hanging out with your grief. If you can be still around it, it will tell how to heal.

  13. Judi,

    Everyone + 1. I’ve got a 7 year old retriever sprawled out right in front of me. I will cry like a baby when he dies…he’s my boy. So sorry to hear of the loss. Hands down, dogs rule.

  14. It has been over 10 years since my shepherd Lucy (no kidding, named after BB King’s guitar, weird, huh)died. I miss her like it was yesterday. I cry every time I think about her.
    Don’t let people tell you it “heals”. It doesn’t. One (hopefully) just learns to deal with it. I put my Mom in the ground today. It was cold and rainy, and we all cried like babies. God bless you Judi, and remember- you’re not alone!

  15. just came across your article. can’t help but sympathize, lost my Lucy in August. can’t imaging skiing without her. chin up and good luck!

  16. Judi – sorry to hear of the loss, there is little pain that can compare to that. Cherish the memories, maybe the best thing you can do.

    I lost a Lab after 14 years this summer, one of the hardest things in my life. The depth of the pain just shows how special that human-canine bond can be.