It is said that comfort leads to ruin, that adversity creates strength; it is also said that one should not rest in Haran. Take my word for it – keep moving when you get to Haran. We all have a place that that is…. mediocrity, stagnation, and the opposite of success. My Haran sentence is over, I now sit in the wreckage of a crisis weekend where I lost big, not in possessions, but in a special person to me. I made mistakes. I was too sensitive again. I had wrong thoughts and poisoned fantasies. There’s a Johnny Cash song playing inside the cafe – fully appropriate:
“Everyone I know goes away in the end.”
Alone, I went out 4 bag loaded and wandered. No warm up, no cool down, just getting away. Just hurting, and trying to ride away the hurt. Yes, both kinds of hurt. Mental stability was challenged greatly during maintenance camp. Now, it’s find friends. Take Lance for lots of walks, ride around on the bike that doesn’ t hurt my back:
So if you’re in Seattle, and see a guy on this bike with or without a dog, talk to me. I need the human contact these days. Alone was sucking for too long. I5 never felt like such a relief. Though I was greeted with “Take your stuff, take your dog, and go away.” I do have quiet where the rig rests. The only thing that was stolen from me through this transition was my phone – it caused this stinking chain of events which led me to sleeping on hard dirt for two days; a three day bike tour that was, not trained for, not planned, not measured, and not even enjoyed – but I no longer want to jump off of a bridge. It did at least do that for me. No flats, few hills, little sleep, lots of thinking.
“…And there’s a lot of pain.”
I found myself in a brewery in LaConner ordering a second beer. Today, I’m not interested. Just want to lay down after throwing out my back. I’m looking forward to a good nights rest in my truck on a street in Seattle.
When a man asks you what your personal philosophy is, say something that you came up with yourself. Ayn Rand is full of shit. Stay clear of Christians and their food. My philosophy is manifold – here’s one clue:
I spew not someone else’s words when I give my own philosophy. Mine is this: I do not know if man’s nature is inherently good or bad. Confucius didn’t know either, and said so. Lau Tzu believed it was wrong, and that man must be forced to do good. Mencius believed the opposite – that man’s nature is good and becomes corrupt. I believe in living my life as a treetop flyer. I respect and honor the boy – a proper rogue in my book: seattletimes.nwsource.com.
Challenge everything – especially man’s laws. Go not against Earth’s laws – Your life is in her hands, yet she will not move a pebble on a beach for the death of you – only for eternity the stones move. She will not bring about a whiff of wind in your honor. Her love is pure love, unquestionable. Stroke the grass lovingly, it is familiar; it is your mother’s hair.
(print by yours truly, 2005, woodcut reduction)by