About big jonny

The man, the legend. The guy who started it all back in the Year of Our Lord Beer, 2000, with a couple of pages worth of idiotic ranting hardcoded on some random porn site that would host anything you uploaded, a book called HTML for Dummies (which was completely appropriate), a bad attitude (which hasn’t much changed), and a Dell desktop running Win95 with 64 mgs of ram and a six gig hard drive. Those were the days. Then he went to law school. Go figure. Flagstaff, Arizona, USA

52 thoughts on “Oh hell.

  1. Couple good shots of Beam around noon. Tweaked my ankle and it helps. Hit the vodka and rocks coupla hours ago. Even better. Sorry, what were we talking about?

  2. So mikey-What do you have to say about folks who are disabled, live in areas not served by mass transit, and must depend on their cars to get around?

  3. “So mikey-What do you have to say about folks who … must depend on their cars to get around?

    Two gallons? That’ll be twelve dollars, ma’am. Have a nice day.

    Any questions?

  4. Only those that REALLY need their cars (disabled, live in areas not served by mass transit) should have a “right” the rest, it’s just a “privilege”.

  5. Seems pretty shortsighted, Mikey. Increased energy cost influences the price of just about everything we eat, drink or otherwise use. Do you really want to stick it to the man bad enough to further cripple an economy that is already tanking?Cheap and plentiful energy promotes prosperity, which is a good thing. “A rising tide…”

    Gildas, you pretty much described my situation to a “T”. Wife is disabled. Bad traffic accident seven years ago. Shattered both her legs. She can walk now, but not very far. She will never be able to ride. A tough gal none the less. “Mass transit”? What’s that? It ain’t been seen in this rural backwater since tv was black and white. Afew years ago there was a study on extending commuter rail out here. They decided there wasn’t the market or whatever. Meanwhile the same hordes of metal boxes go down the same road every day with the same solitary occupants, only to return at the end of the day. We are so screwed.

  6. “Do you really want to stick it to the man bad enough to further cripple an economy…”

    Joe— no, I want to stick it the fat-asses who choose to live in remote areas and drive solo in three-ton trucks.

    No offense, sir, but people choose their own gasoline-dependent nightmares. My family has chosen to live in a town well-served by mass transit and with everything close enough that you can ride your bike if you want. We buy 2-3 tanks of gas a month and the cost is trivial. It will still be trivial when gas costs $6/gal. We think we have planned ahead for what seems inevitable. We have opted out of car-dependency (to some relatively high degree— can’t hold a candle to dudes like littlejar, etc.) and we like it.

  7. mikey, we are an oil-dependant economy and will be for some time to come. The cost of living for EVERYONE is higher with six dollar gas than it is for twenty-five cent gas. Higher energy cost means higher manufacturing cost means higher shipping cost and guess what? Pretty soon Acme Widgets has to start laying people off. Pretty soon nobody can afford to buy widgets. Folks ain’t payin’ as much taxes (not that there’s anything wrong with that in and of itself). Schools, infrastructure-you name it-start going to shit. That’s how it works in the real world. You can bitch and whine about it all you want. Or move to Amsterdam or wherever. But that’s the way it is.

  8. Oh yeah, yesterday I hauled recycling to the landfill in my 11 m.p.g. truck. Firs I’ve driven it in six months. Today I covered a shitload of ground on my fixed gear. Both times it was my choice. That’s how it should be.

  9. What Gnome said is what I meant. That, and what business is it of mikey’s who drives what, where they live or how much they weigh? Dude, it’s called “a life”. Something you might look into.

  10. If I lived in the fuck all nowhere, I’d probably have a truck, but probably a “real” truck, a Toyota Hilux with the 2.5 Diesel… By real I mean that in Africa they take them out of the show room, weld a russian Triple A and some 50 gallon barrels to the bed. Call some mates, rush across 1000km+ of wilderness using NO road, cross the path of a T55 faster than it’s turret can transit, lay some hate on “THe MAN”, give the finger to the T55 on the way out and head back into the wilderness (this has “BinDunn” last year).

    Why diesel? Diesel does not ignite. And if you truck was NOT seen in Tchad or Yemen, it’s a pussymobile. I count the HMV as a pussymobile too. Why? Because if the US gvt is not following you with a diesel filled semi. It’s fucking useless.

    And I’d go get my mail 20 odd miles away on my cyclocross. Or my hartail. Or my suspended. Or my vintage moutain bike etc.

  11. “mikey, we are an oil-dependant economy and will be for some time to come.”

    Joe— some more than others. And less so when gas hits $6/gal. Folks can puruse a gas-dependent lifestyle, just don’t expect me to get all teary about gas prices.

    “what business is it of mikey’s who drives what, where they live or how much they weigh?”

    Folks can choose to be fat-ass, just don’t expect me to get teary about gas prices.

    See a pattern developing here?

  12. But I live in a town. So I have a Felt DA, a Cyclocrosser a city bike. With my girlfriend we also have a small car, that we have put in a sharing program. Other people use it, the car costs us nuthin’ but gas.

    What would happen if gas became even more expensive? Drive less, ride more.

  13. Complaining about being able to heat your home is one thing, complaining about the costs of not switching to a less fossil fuel intensive lifestyle because it will be inconvenient is a totally different matter. How one feels about it is irrelevant though, the price of oil is already going back up and industrial sectors around the world are still stumbling. like it is not, Mikey’s price predictions might not be too far off.

  14. B dizzle, here’s the thing, and it makes me mad whenever I think about it-Driving isn’t a matter of convenience for a lot of us out here in the hinterlands. It’s a matter of survival, as in: We’re here. The jobs are there. There’s no other way to get from here to there. And I wish there was. I’d be all over commuter rail. Hell, they did a study on extending it out to where I live, as in literally within sight of this desk I’m typing at. No dice.

    We do what we can. My wife, who’s disabled, puts in maybe 100 miles a week of errands and such in her minivan. I’ve got big-assed panniers. Was using the fixed Monocog but it’s getting that time of year. The woods are calling and it’s a sweet trail bike, so I think I’ll stick ‘em on my old steel Fisher with 32:16 gearing. And fenders. And maybe that two-legged Pletscher kickstand I saw at the LBS.

    Yeah, my work is “down the road”. So I have to drive. But I only take my fair share, four cylinders’ worth and I usually meet the crew van at the closest stop to my house. Or I will, anyway, when work starts back up.

    My kid attends a commuter college so she drives, but her car is economical and we keep it in tip-top shape. And yeah, there’s my killer Dodge. Which sucks gas down like I do Wild Turkey, but only gets driven once in a blue moon, and then when nothing else in the driveway will do the job.

    As to living close to where you work, it’s a lovely thought. Who’s going to pay for it? $545 a month to OWN an older, but spacious and comfortable home in our little town versus $1800+ a monthe to RENT some two-bedroom roach motel near the urban hell that is our Nation’s capitol? Gas would have to reach ten bucks before that made financial sense, and I doubt anyone would be working anyway at that point. Be nice if the three factories that have shut down here would start back up and hire folks. Hell, I could WALK to work and that would suit me fine. Far as I can tell, though, the economy is being deliberately dismantled so we can be more like France or Russia or some shit. It HAS to be according to some kind of plan. If it was just stupid incompetent mismanagement, something right would be done now and then just through random chance.
    Fuck.

    So what’s the answer? Fuck if I know. But I don’t pretend to, and that should count for something.

  15. “As to living close to where you work, it’s a lovely thought. Who’s going to pay for it? $545 a month to OWN an older, but spacious and comfortable home in our little town versus $1800+ a monthe to RENT”

    @Joe— if arithmetic serves, a family whose commute costs $1255/month?

    Depreciation and operation of a fat-ass, two-car fleet can easily cost $15K/year. Driving to the exurbs is a false economy.

  16. mikey, if the costs were the same I’d still choose this house as my home. It’s close to family and friends. I shudder to think what some urban hovel that I might afford would be close to. Mayberry RFD versus gang bangers on every corner. Crackheads. Gunshots that ain’t someone gettin’ his deer. Hell, most folks around here don’t lock their doors.

    Tell ya what-When you become Supreme Dictator of the Former United States of America, you can put everyone into rail cars and send them to whichever relocation camp you see fit. If the current officeholder hasn’t beat you to it, that is.

  17. And that’s another thing-Our jobs are all over the state. There’s gonna be travel involved at some point. What’s my family to do, live out of a suitcase?

  18. For me, right now, riding a bike to school is impossible. I take two girls to day care, and make this big stupid loop out of it. It takes me, are you ready for this, an hour and fifteen minutes, each way, five days a week. I cannot ride it.

    Instead, I grow into the seat of my car a little more every day and remember what once was my daily commute – a twenty minute bike ride.

  19. If you want to know who sowed the seeds of those factory closures near your dream house, it’s good ol’ Reagan. Who kept it up? Bush senior. Who balanced the fucking budget and got USA rollin’ again? Clue, not a big gouverment Republican. Who fucked up all this good work and sold you to the chinaman – for cheap? Some coke snorting, come again Chist’an daddy’s boy. That’s hou’ donnit’.

    You present leader is like the first cop that comes to the scene of “reservoir dogs” after the end of the movie. It’s a mess, he’s got a gun and blood on his feet, but he sure as hell did not do it.

    Now if you want to go after someone, go after the evil (and I mean that) lobyists who have corrupted the Republican party and the whole US democratic protest. Fight for the good of all americans, not just for some lame arse “special interest”.

    Time for me meds methinks.

  20. “And that’s another thing-Our jobs are all over the state. There’s gonna be travel involved at some point. What’s my family to do, live out of a suitcase?”

    @Joe— my territory is six states. I live in town. This isn’t that hard. You almost sound like another guy trying to rationalize a gas-dependent nightmare, and voting accordingly. Good luck with that.

  21. Cheap empty commercial real estate, low wages, close to major towns and your job is too far… Humm, you should be looking at starting your own company mate.

  22. gildas, I never cease to be amazed at your crowd’s ability to stretch the poointyfinger of blame back thirty years, yet be so utterly clueless about the here and now. And I’ll pass on starting up my own business, at least while I’m having such a blast doing the work I love with the best damned crew in the world. In another twenty years or so, maybe. Yes, eighty seems like a good age for a fresh start.

    Mikey, that dead horse of yours is starting to smell. In the interset of expediency I’ll concede you’re a dick and go ride my bike awhile. Buh-bye.

  23. Yeah I point the finger back thirty years because that’s how politics work. You do a crowd pleaser and then people like you, and me, get fucked 30 years after. And the good ol’ boys get a few billions richer while all profitable manufacturing jobs get sold of. It makes me mad that our tools are and were bargained like some stock option to our economic enemies.

    Meanwhile the preachin’ self interested neo cons have ruined the republican party (and the democratic to nearly the same extent). My revered politicians of the 20th century? The ones I try to emulate in my work? Eisenhower, Churchill and DeGaule, not very socialist heh? Real men who could tell the establishement that the country’s need was more important that they could ever be.

    My crowds? Well i’m the kind of crowd that wants manufacturing jobs back in the USA, that wants BIG finance to be hated more than BIG gouverment. I’m the kind of guy who is going to build a fucKing tool shop and who works with his hands. The kind of guy who wants YOU to be able to raise a familly, drink beer and have cash left for a US made bike.

    Am I part of the crowd you hastely put me in?

    But you talked about dictature, well, one think I was scared to death during Bush Junior was him dying for some reason. Because with his second in command in charge, you WOULD be in a dictature NOW.

    Dick the Dicktator – think about it.

  24. I ride a lot. I don’t ride to work so much, even though it’s close. I just CHOOSE not to…I’d rather ride my mountain bike on trails than dodge minivans in the afternoon or people who haven’t been properly caffinated at 4:45 am. Plus, the closest trailhead is 15 miles from my house…30 miles roundtrip just to get some offroad goodness? Timewise, it’s just not worth it to me. And that’s my choice. It’s also my choice to own a boat, so I’ll never be a worthy human in mikey’s eyes (sigh).

    @ Gildas…Clinton’s “budget surplus” was a myth…a mere reconfiguring of the numbers to make it look like the fed’s were actually being responsible with our money. Have fun…http://www.craigsteiner.us/articles/16

  25. @gildas— very well said, sir. Eisenhower was the LAST fiscal conservative to lead this country.

  26. “It’s also my choice to own a boat, so I’ll never be a worthy human in mikey’s eyes (sigh).”

    sfb— nonsense, there are millions of socially responsible boaters. A few fat-ass stinkpot owners tend to tarnish the group, however. That’s okay, $6 gas will even their keels a little. :)

  27. Hey…I’m skinny and I still get 1.5 mpg! Would you feel better about your generalization if I was a fat guy?

    You should be happy living in the west…at least there is a mindset more in tune with your own out there. Most of my friends think I’m a complete nutbag for riding as much as I do…the rest of my friends ride. There is a HUUUUUGE rift there…and, unfortuately for you (and in your eyes, them), the majority fall into the “don’t ride” catagory…and I don’t see that changing radically anytime soon…high gas prices or not.

  28. Craigsteiner? One of the guys who support the Tea Party?

    Fascism: “…Fascists reject and resist autonomy of cultural or ethnic groups who are not considered part of the fascists’ nation and who refuse to assimilate or are unable to be assimilated. They consider attempts to create such autonomy as an affront and threat to the nation. They identify violence and war as actions that create national regeneration, spirit and vitality…”

    Hell, you can take the whole definition, and 90% to 99% is a descrition of the tea party mouvement and methods. They are a deep threat to secular society. I thought that the last of these bastards were defeated in 1945.

    And anybody that provides support and ideology to fascists, is in my eyes, evil. I don’t like evil people. And their words even less.

  29. Tea party? Don’t even THINK about putting me in with that lot. Just because I mind my own bidness and expect those who ARE my servants to mind theirs? What part of “Leave me the fuck alone” don’t you, your Messiah from Kenya and everyone else understand?

    And don’t even THINK about fucking with me. I’m drunk. Six shots of vodka in about a half hour is drunk, right? And I’m a MEANASSED fucking drunk. So leave me the fuck alone if you know what’s good for you, m’kay?

  30. Booze ain’t a drug. It’s BOOZE, duh! “M’kay”, your fucking self. This is DRUNKcyclist, dammit! Christ, buy a vowel or something.

  31. You ain’t no Tea partyer… Tea has no beer in it. And even less Vodka. Tea sucks.

  32. Hooray, dave (=notme = joetheelectrician?) is back! I was wondering how long the foray into half sanity would last… six shots, apparently.

  33. “They are a deep threat to secular society. ”

    This Mr. gildas guy has been paying attention. Threats to rational philosophy don’t always come from religionists.

    The teabag crowd pretty much boils down to IGMSFU (I got mine so fuck you) which is secular enough. That doesn’t mean that the increasing popularity of this sentiment can’t threaten to end the American Empire.

  34. Tea party? Fuck ‘em. Showed up at one with an open beer and they told me I had to leave. Shoulda brought a gun instead, I reckon. Ain’t no friend of mine.

    By the way, anyone ever talk about bikes up in here? Not drugged-up rockstars racin’ on ten grand worth of carbon fiber, no. Real bikes like we all used to ride. I like ‘em. Beer too. Did I mention I’m a lesbian trapped in a man’s body?

  35. “Fuck ‘em. Showed up at one with an open beer and they told me I had to leave. Shoulda brought a gun instead, I reckon. Ain’t no friend of mine.”

    Totally. I showed up at a local NASCAR race and they told me I had to finish my beer before entering, then kindly pointed me towards the beer garden. Is this a great country or what?

  36. Whoa, hold on a minute-What’s an avowed car-hater like you doing at a NASKKKAR event?

  37. Fair question— auto racing is entertainment, not transportation.

    My favorite is Formula 1, a spectacle which makes NASA look like a middle school science fair. I watched Ayrton Senna wheel his howling McLaren-Honda though the streets of Phoenix AZ, making 90 degree downtown corners at about 100 mph. You want sick? That’s sick. The IRL is cool because they still run on a handful of America’s best road courses— though not at Portland Intl., where I have thousands of laps on the simulator. The esses— turns 3-5B are the key to success.

    My NASCAR example is a true story from Evergreen Speedway in Monroe WA (5/8-mile paved flat oval) where we took a small gaggle of middle schoolers to see Sarah Fisher (of brief IndyCar fame) run. After the race, we herded the girls down to the infield where Sarah dropped everything to chat and take photos. I was amazed by her kindness towards these young fans and her professionalism— this was a backwater 5/8 mile, not Daytona.

  38. Bullshit. Burning gas is burning gas. And nevermind the cars going roundy-round; I’ll bet everything I own against a used rubber that most of them DROVE to the racetrack, and not in Priuses either. You’re all for it when it entertains YOU, but everyone else gets judged. Fucking hypocrit.

  39. “Burning gas is burning gas. And nevermind the cars going roundy-round;”

    @Joe— NASCAR did not create your gas-dependent nightmare. Go easy on the right front tar, brother.

  40. “joe,”

    your curt, trite, and pretentiously snappy comments seem to come from a place of flame and shame. you stack cracks like snack crackers, no butter. please, if you’re going to spent so much time here, make it worth something. if you don’t like it, bail. we all have our views, and that is always respected here until you start acting like you’re holding your own morning show for fat bitches that would rather gather around a campfire of complaints than do something productive.

    i’m not hating on you, you’ve said some worthwhile and funny shit. just keep it to that, okay? you otherwise get tired really quick, and both cycling and drinking are best shared with a little endurance.

    being provocative does not mean you need to constantly provoke.

  41. yo, and fuck: this was just a little post about a man clinging to the side of a shotglass like the morning sun was coming up by surprise. fuck. drop it all already, i swear this is the last comment my gay cock will type pn this post.

  42. You type with your gay cock? The one on your body, or the one that goes into your body attached to hubby? Do you have a key board with extra big keys or a tiny clitOcock?

    I’m confused.