I attended once, an informal warehouse performance art show where the grand finally consisted of a proud young woman who sat on her duff, spread heels to the sky, and applied a dildo in proper fashion. The dildo had a long dowel attached to its outward end. She then took a dinner plate and spun it atop the dowel and smiled with a “ta-dah” like expression. Slowly, the dowel canted to rider’s left. the plate wobbled into adjustment and continued to spin. Like so many figure skaters who miss the triple salchow, she remained strong to the end, but her smile twitched at the corners with a certain disappointment. I no longer remember the color of the dildo. I believe it might have been black, or pink, but not orange.
Putting one’s penis in an ornate tubular sheath must be a similar endeavor to spinning dishware on a dowel propped up by labia. The difference perhaps is the durability of the pride involved and the environment in which the display occurs. It seems this man is highly dedicated. Cycling has a similar dynamic where pride is directly proportional to the intensity of the faith with which one taps into the sport. Bibbing up takes on a special right of passage. “I am a cyclist” we say, and we step out the door again to fight the evils of the world.
The Grey Wolf is one such person who, for as long as I’ve been aware of his existence, has never wavered in his faith as a cyclist. His faith, I might add, seems blind. His dedication is so intense, that he creates his own clothing in order to define the fashion of his minds eye. If the belt doesn’t match, the belt is not worn. I sat and chatted with him once. His real name is Gary. He doesn’t work, but only lives the dream every single day in sunny Tucson, AZ. And by dream what I mean is that when you talk to him, he really is in another world and completely confident in its righteousness.
For some reason Christie in a leotard on a bike conjures up a certain bilnd faith as well because as absurd as it is in reality, I must say “yes” regardless. Ride like the wind Christie.
I’ve received a few choice emails over the past few weeks that have made for pleasurable and sometimes strange sensations. I want to pass them along. I’m hoping they provide similar for you.
B. Stella dropped THE Jesus bomb on my doorstep weeks ago and it has napalmed my mind. I fondled the experience as my own for some time and now, I simply want it gone. My fellow clowns, I give you the “jesus is with you” Phenomena:
Clown? Jesus? Toddler? Saftey Third.
The background of the “with you always” series is that Larry has spent a large amount of his life perfecting imagery of “jesus-like” support in various vocations. Larry seems highly institutionalized, however I respect the fortitude of his endeavor. I find it both nightmarish and humiliatingly devote. It is apparent that his faith is unwavering and that his cock-sheath weighs a ton. Thank you B. Stella. Synapses have been encapsulated in fear. See it all at jesus-withyoualways.com
Given all the recent car related diggers I’ve taken, it is timely and refreshing that Heath pointed out the following tactical education sources that we all can brush up on antidooring.org and anti-dooring.org. Because getting doored is never a good idea.
Marcus Carlholt out of sweden sent in this vid of his Homage to the TdF. Which is a strange little trip and seems to fit nicely here. I like it, and I hate it.
Now, before I get up on out a here, two important items are to follow.First, is the upcoming CSSC. I am reminded of this because in an unfortunate turn of events, my iphone didn’t sync up with the SSAZ/USA app and so I completely forgot it was held this past weekend. I’m certain this was a blessing in disguise, but it was a damn shame. Fortunately, Canada is in for the rescue this summer should we all be hankering as the desert boils:
Dear Drunk Cyclist. I wanted to let you know that I am hosting the 2010 canadian single speed championships on Prince Edward Island this summer. Please check out:www.2010cssc.blogspot.com
The second and last item is this little graphic sent in by Simon which between he and I, puts together quite succintly how life should be managed.
Now, having properly bled-off some of the consistent confusion in my head and found proper motivational posters, I must drag the other foot out of the door. I’m going on a little trip to 24 hour town in minutes and for the umpteenth time. It is the eleventh version of this beloved Arizona 24 hour mtb affair and I, along with 4000 other like minded souls will make it a fervorous moment once again. Faith will be blind. We will all experience our inner Grey Wolf out there among dead mice and it will be beautiful like Christie. As Dirty stated, I’m gearing up for getting down. Swill will abound. I’m rolling out this year on a “casual” four man ss team which sounds like the perfect balance between beer and pain. It’s going to hurt, balls deep like. No doubt in my mind. Therefore, I’m going to bring the biggest, most ornate cock-sheath I can find and walk around like a dildo canted to sailors left, and my head held high.
Have a great weekend.
February 12th, 2010 at 4:40 pm
those first two pics are rich! first pic, that proud fellow clearly doesn’t have any corn syrup in his diet. second pic, i love greywolf’s ‘admirers’ in the background… would love to hear their commentary.
February 12th, 2010 at 4:42 pm
First thought; “What the fuck is this man smoking???”
Second thought; “I don’t care, as long as you share.”
Good luck man.
February 12th, 2010 at 5:19 pm
Just re-read. Soooooooo. That whole “Jesus is with you”, if it included a bicyclist, would have a dead biker, a car speeding away and HeyZeus praying for the driver ??
Just asking….
February 12th, 2010 at 6:24 pm
Did you notice the front rack and the Brooks saddle? Me neither.
February 12th, 2010 at 8:13 pm
You know it is big when you have to have a belt (shoe laces) to hold it upright!
February 12th, 2010 at 9:27 pm
this has to be the best post in a _long_ while
February 13th, 2010 at 1:33 am
Actually I DID notice the Brooks. I was gonna comment that I bet hers smells nicer than mine after a long ride.
February 13th, 2010 at 5:22 am
Thanks for dropping CSSC 2010 news for my man Eric. The east coast is stoked for this throw down.
February 13th, 2010 at 12:19 pm
The Grey Wolf has the lightest bicycle in the fucking world, and the pinkest motherfucking gear in the Shootout. He’s the man.
February 14th, 2010 at 10:12 pm
The GW is doing some serious hanky coding
Possible:
fucker (top)
whilst safely
cumming in condoms
March 10th, 2010 at 8:42 am
I linked to my favorite political cartoon
March 10th, 2010 at 2:08 pm
I love spin, its amazing how one can twist actual events. Harry Reid’s office has a pretty amazing example of spin – http://bit.ly/bkfLRU
June 6th, 2010 at 1:21 am
I can’t tinker with china. You’re p68 is on mike for the rest of you.
Good point on that one Silvia. The wife will make due for the challenge in the gerbil cage during graduation. pickles, microphones and military issued pencils will be distributed at any one of the snacks.