Gym Tan Laundry ?

Fuck a Guido. They got nuthin’ on this monster. I give to you HANNIBAL.
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After the horrible tragedy of 2013, the Tour de France organizers banded together with Trek and Apple to develop a possible deterrent to terrorists and dopers alike. “Lance will be avenged,” said one.
“He is not the only one who perished, child. Many were lost that day.”
“…yes, but…”
“NO BUT!” the leader bellowed. “There is MORE at stake than avenging one man’s death. This is about perseverance, honesty and ridding cycling of all but the cleanest, meanest and most committed riders.”

The younger one deferred to the elders wishes and delved back into his research and development. New flex cabling was developed. Thinner, stronger fiber optics were used. Lasers were made and modulated. Calibrated. Perfected.

“There. It is done.”
“Won’t we need to worry about control?”
The scientist looked at the programmer. “You can’t control F.A.T.E. She controls everything. It is too late.”
He flips the switch and the Female Automoton Tour Enforcer slowly came to life.
God help us all.


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About bikepunk

“Cuts, scrapes, bruises… all in a day’s riding. Then it’s off for some good german beer in a local biergarten.” Munich, Germany

17 thoughts on “Gym Tan Laundry ?

  1. Impressive, yes……but there is a reason for the long baggy shorts. His legs are built like twigs. Combine his physique with any accomplished cyclist you know (muscular legs, twigs for arms and a pigeon chest) and you would have the perfect animal.

  2. Let’s see how handy he is after about 20 beers to level the playing field. Impressive nontheless.

  3. part ox, part gecko, like a shetland pony on steroids. i can do the splits.

    FATE’s headlights are gonna sink a ship or cause a mid-air collision or something. remember, team:

    port, left, and red all have fewer letters than starboard, right, and green.

  4. Why are you talking about that guy when there is a perfectly good half naked girl with lazer loaded tits straddling a bike? I am ready for whatever enforcement she has to offer.

  5. Few years in our state sponsored incarceration training facility and you to can look like Hannibal!!!

  6. There’s a photo of Tony Yaniro doing the same thing 20 years ago, except rather than grabbing a pullup bar, he’s just squeezing the bottom of a forest service sign.

  7. How to destroy your shoulder joints… the delts might get big but someday that guy is going to hear POP! doing that kind of shit.

  8. I know, sam. I know. Jonny says that ALL the time. In response, I usually say something like, “Baby you need to brush your teeth, okay? Yuck.” Then he’s all, “Oh. Sorry, man.” Then I’m, “It’s cool. Any dudes in tight clothes getting sweaty on TV? Football? Cycling? Gilead?” Then we just get wasted and go richter on other peoples’ personal property. Man as fuck, girlscouts.

  9. ms. ferrari should change his damned name. if my last name were ferrari, i’d make shit sure that my first name were something a LOT less assbandity than “michele.” like let’s say, Sexissimo Allcock Ferrari.