Bike happens

It was early this morning when I realized, suddenly, that I may have some time today for cycling. Actually, you know, pedaling. On a bicycle. Just for funzies.

First things first. Off to the grocery store. Looked at hair care products for my daughters.


Looked at hair care products for myself.


Got home, packed away all my new found goodies. Pumped up the tires, filled up the water bottles. Actually had to look around for a bit to find sunglasses. I spend way to much time indoors… Kitted it up proper. Who thought I’d still fit in this shit? Yeah. It ain’t pretty. Believe me. But, it gets done.

No after pics of the Big Kitchen Sausage Party.


I actually pedaled my fat, happy ass around the north valley with none other than the world famous “friend of drunkcyclist” Bacardi Marty. Yes, ladies, he really does exist. Broad shoulders, supple buttocks, easy on the eyes that one. I just threw up in my mouth. A little bit.


I was so happy to be out on the bike I texted all my buddies about it. Yeah, I’m a douche bag hipster. Color me tweet.

My man Snake Hawk sent me this in return.


Pretty much says it all right there, doesn’t it?

Enjoy that drive home, homie. I feel your pain. And I’ll be back to doing that soon enough.

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About big jonny

The man, the legend. The guy who started it all back in the Year of Our Lord Beer, 2000, with a couple of pages worth of idiotic ranting hardcoded on some random porn site that would host anything you uploaded, a book called HTML for Dummies (which was completely appropriate), a bad attitude (which hasn’t much changed), and a Dell desktop running Win95 with 64 mgs of ram and a six gig hard drive. Those were the days. Then he went to law school. Go figure. Flagstaff, Arizona, USA

7 thoughts on “Bike happens

  1. It’s easy: Sponge Bob for the lil girls and Royal Crown for the hipster. Me, I’ve been running Alberto VO5 since the 80s, when Alberto Tomba was crushing World Cup slalom, the manliest of all ski competitions. Uh, and it’s a buck a bottle. Face it, all shampoo is basically lauryl sulfate and water.

  2. hell yesh. hair school is in session, baskerdz. royal crown:richmond, va traffic :: murrays:DC traffic. vo5:montana backroads. get it.

    what do i know, though? these days i have more hair on my knuckles than the top of my head. my hair style is tundric.

  3. (Psst: Is anyone going to comment on Big Jonny’s pristine classic RideClean kit. Golly, it looks like it’s never been worn).

  4. It’s been far too long since I was at a BDJ sausage party. I bet Marty has some airline Barcardi bottles to pass the time on the climbs. A certified hipster always has a PBR bomber in his/her jersey pocket. Have a very Murray Jesus Christmas out there yuns’s.