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I used to work with this guy back in the day. Loony as a bird. But once in a while something would come out of his mouth that was pure genius. One day he tells me “Don’t stop till the blood on your sword is the blood of the king”. The way that I interpreted this was dont ever stop fighting till you own the place.
How about you? What have you heard that stuck with you?
Snake
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Ain’t nothing that can’t be solved with a little conversation and lubrication.
Yeah: “Where are the White Women at…?!?”
Cleavon Little, 1974.
Godspeed, brother.
Thanks,
Burt
“If your going through hell , keep going ”
Winston Churchill
In response to a question (the specifics of which I’ve long forgotton), my chemistry teacher, who was a member of a Nobel prize winning chemistry team, replied: “Yes…but probably not.”. I’ve since come to understand this explains almost everything in life.
“less talkie. More doie.”
“is there any beer in this pit, and when do I get paid?”
FUCK YOU PAY ME
“You almost always never seem to get the things you least expect the most”
“I may be going to hell in a bucket, but at least i’m enjoying the ride”.
“You can’t live your life walking on broken glass. Sometimes you have to be the one who breaks the glass.”
Words to a song by perhaps the best Cheese metal of all time….Manowar…blood of the kings
“Shit fire, save matches”
“better eat that banana from the side boy.”
at my first construction laborer job i worked w/ this leather skinned pissed off ex armed forces guy who cracked me up with every swing of the hammer. i think that’s when i learned out to squirl hunt w/ a nail gun.
When in doubt, use a bigger hammer…
“Efficiency is the minimization of excess movement.” -C Gray. Told to me while hanging in trees working for the city of Missoula.
If you going to be dumb, you better be tough.
I’ve had several coworkers that had the same description and talent. I guess that goes with working in bike shops. A couple of my favorites…
“There is nothing erotic about corporate fascism”
“They thought it was cooler than Jesus on roller skates.”
And of course, wisdom from Spam email…
“Update your penis.”
“That aint no crow. That’s a soul chicken”.
Ex co-worker in response to me pointing out a crow sitting on top of a pole.
“That dog won’t hunt.” My uncle Doug.
This is from someone I don’t personally know, and I’m sure most of you have heard it already. Regardless, I’ve been trying to live by it for several years.
From Ace of Spades (Motorhead): “You win some, you lose some, it’s all the same to me.”
grandfather once told me that:
“there are some women in this world you should only know by the back of their head”
“The best of men choose one thing in preference to all else, immortal glory in preference to mortal goods; Whereas the masses simply glut themselves like cattle”.
-Heraclitus
If you have time to chatter. Read books. If you have time to read. Walk into the mountains, desert, and ocean. If you have time to walk. Sing songs and dance. If you have time to dance. Sit quietly, you happy lucky idiot. – Nanao Sakaki
“I feel a whole lot more like I do now than I did a while ago”
“If you can’t beat them, arrange to have them beaten.” -George Carlin
“fuck with em” from fellow assembly line worker in late 70s.
“This things as useless as my sister’s tits!” my Uncle Tom, a former NYC cop
Also “Balls on toast!”
“Fuck ’em if they can’t take a joke.” Can’t remember who or when.
An old man I was sitting next to on a park bench told me, “A woman has a piehole, a sh*thole and a f*ckhole. The smart man will make all three a f*ckhole.”
No man is an island, but when you piss u-r-ination.
http://twitter.com/Shitmydadsays
yeah sessa!
“Don’t listen to the pussy side of you when you make a decision. People gravitate towards being a pussy. Remove the pussy, son.”
“If you’re gonna kick authority in the teeth, use both feet.” – Keith Richards
“… did you try forcing it?”
“If can’t be handsome, you better be handy.”
” wish in one hand , shit in the other and see witch one fill up first”
“that dog won’t hunt”. ( use to refer to anything that doesn’t work.
“working hard or hardly working?”
All heard from old people in Kansas.
“More than a mouthful is a waste”
-My grandfather on breast.
“There’s only one thing worse than cold coffee….cold pussy.”
-Ex’s dad while I was in high school
A piece of ass and a whiskey glass will make a horses-ass of me.
A favorite from college muttered after at least 16 beers by Troii “Remember….a friend is a friend, but sometimes they aren’t”. Shortly thereafter he passed out and bailed out of a lawnchair. Goodtimes………..
“Whoa! That pigs gonna need a lot of lipstick”
“The trouble ain’t that there is too many fools, but that the lightning ain’t distributed right.” Mark Twain
“That dog is worth the cost of the bullet”
“Lead follow or get out of my way”
This one is from the 80’s when I worked in a bike shop. Anytime we could not get something to go together we would say.
“Put a hair and some lube on it”
You are nothing more than a skid mark in the underwear of life
Mine
“Everything that elevates an individual above the herd and intimidates the neighbor, is henceforth called evil.” Friedrich Nietzsche
“Sometimes you’re ahead, sometimes you’re behind…the race is long, and in the end, it’s only with yourself.”
“If not us, who?
If not now, when?”
“You are a man, the world is your bathroom.” – mine
“There are women hotter than you fucking dogs on the Internet right now.”
Best pieces of knowledge (that i can currently recall) gleaned from working in a bike shop:
(in response to a customer with a flat tire) “I don’t see what the big deal is, it’s only flat on the bottom.”
“if you love it, lube it.”
and the winner: “Rings don’t plug holes”
In life there are going to be things you don’t want to do but have to. So just do them. – My Mom
“Nothing is ever brought out on to the stage without a purpose.”
“‘s hot coffee in the car” -buck
“that ditch aint going to dig itself”
For all the drama and BS that gets thrown at people; it is a motivator or an excuse, you decide.
It’s all fun and games until yer roomate goes hoggin’ and breaks a leg off the couch. – anyone at 1429 Roberts Road (across from the Fratersons) circa 2000’s
“cogito ergo sum”
“I think therefor I am”
– Rene Descartes
You can’t argue with crazy…
From “The Shawshank Redemption”: Get busy living or get busy dying.
A true man will always face the music, even when he doesn’t like the tune.
-Unknown
Be the change you want to see in the world.
-Ghandi
Drink more, eat less.
-Personal Motto
“Digging up an old turd is only gonna make it stink again.”
from my older next door neighbor.
Don’t reinvent the wheel; just ROLL the motherfucker!
Yee-haw.
“If we can’t sit at the table of Democracy, then we’ll knock the fucking legs off.” James Forman
Keep bobbin’ on the knobin’
Pete Shaw
“I’ve been married a long time, but it only seems like 5 minutes…………underwater.”
Unknown old man who’d been married for 65 years.
” you can pull a freight train with a pussy hair ” Unknown victim………
“A cross bike is like the taint of a woman. Its right in between two good things, but you can’t do anything with it.” — retired bike shop owner
Irrationally held truths may be more harmful than reasoned errors.
Size is not grandeur, and territory does not make a nation.
Thomas Huxley
“shit the bed again”
“quit blowing smoke up my ass”
“well fuck me running”
somtimes, the customer is always right – Ray Florman owner A-1 bicycles St. louis MO
“Integrity is doing the right thing when no one is looking” – Who knows and me.
“Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy” – Ben Franklin
“You’re the product of a clown-car fuck” – my dad to me and my brother at various times in our lives.
Res firma mitescere nescit. (Latin)
Once you’ve got it up, keep it up.
-From the movie American Flyers
If the shit fits, wear it…..
and….from the greatest movie of all time, ‘Withnail and I’,
‘We want cake, and we want the finest wines known to humanity, and we want them here and we want them NOW…’
“You can’t swing a dead cat without hitting a _______” fill in the blank with whatever asshatery is currently pissing you off
who you calling crazy?
Livin’ in fear is just another way of dyin’ before your time. – DBT
One from a cyclist:
Life is too short for any man
to hold bitterness in his heart
-Marshall “Major” Taylor
From a brilliant young lady desrcribing her current hangover:
“I feel like a bag of smashed kittens”
The mental picture speaks a thousand words….